THE

CONVERSATION
MANIFESTO

Min Liu
 EST. 1901

The Conversation Manifesto

Welcome to the revolution in conversation skills!
Let me start by saying that not everyone (namely people with
mediocre mindsets and misguided ideas about human interaction
borne out of lack of actual experience and knowledge) agrees with
everything you’re going to learn in here.
Which is actually what we want.
Let the mediocre masses continue being mediocre. YOU are not
mediocre.
I wrote this manifesto because I’m personally sick and tired of
mediocre conversations and I want everyone who reads this to raise
their level so the world can be a better place.
Now, I am not saying to never do the things that conventional
conversation advice says you should do. 
But, like almost everything in life, in order to become great at
something, including conversation skills, you have to go beyond
what conventional advice tells you to do.

THE CONVERSATION MANIFESTO

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The Conversation Manifesto

So, let’s start your journey towards becoming a great
conversationalist by discussing the EIGHT common conventional
conversation tips, why they are wrong, and what you should be doing
instead:
Mediocre Tips #1/#2: Be Interested In Others / Be A Good
Listener
Don’t get me wrong: It is great (and the right thing to do) to be
interested in others and listen to people, but doing so should not
form the PRIMARY basis of your conversations.
Being too interested in others and being a good listener to an
unreasonable extent places the burden of conversation on other
people.
You also never learn anything about actually making conversation if
listening and being interested is what you mostly do in conversation.
So, instead of being so interested, be interesting yourself.
And, instead of worrying about being a good listener, focus on being

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The Conversation Manifesto

someone with something to say. These two tips go hand in hand.
Now, what I mean by “be interesting yourself” and “being someone
with something to say” isn’t what you think.
I don’t mean having a lot of interests or becoming someone who
does a lot of different things so you’ll have a lot to talk about.
Of course, those are all great things and they help with making
conversation to a certain extent, but what I mean by being
interesting yourself and having something to say, is that you should
be able to CREATE INTERESTING CONVERSATIONS with people.
Now, you're probably asking "Okay wise guy, but HOW do I create
interesting conversations with people?”
I’ll tell you the answer soon (or if you can't wait, see Part 4 below).
Mediocre Tip #3: Ask Lots of Questions
Memorize this new rule: Instead of “asking a lot of questions”, use
questions infrequently and only in specific situations.

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The Conversation Manifesto

Why?
Well, if you ask someone a lot of questions, you are again putting the
burden of making conversation on the other people (just like with the
prior two tips).
Not cool.
You might be asking yourself "Well, what am I supposed to do
instead if I don’t ask questions?" 
Well, you should focus on making statements and/or observations
instead most of the time.  A simplistic example of this is turning
“How are you?” into “You’re looking phenomenal.”  
Just by making this small shift, you have now taken the burden of
making conversation off the other person. He/she can simply
respond to your observation or statement.
Now, let's talk about when you are allowed to ask questions. There
are three specific times when you may ask questions:

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The Conversation Manifesto

Use questions only to (i) bring up an initial topic, (ii) transition (i.e.
change) topics, or (iii) get further into a topic you’re already on.
Even then, questions should never form the foundation of your
conversations. Never treat a conversation like it's a game of “twenty
questions”.
Try to stick to a 80:20 ratio of non-questions to questions, and not
the other way around. 
If you find yourself asking more questions than this ratio, then that
is a clear sign you need to work on improving your conversation
skills.
Mediocre Tip #4: Know and Use Interesting Conversation Topics
and Starters
Many people ask me all the time: “What are good conversation
topics that I can bring up with people?”
I always refuse to answer this question. The reason why I am a bit
snarky about answering this question is because the question itself

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The Conversation Manifesto

presupposes that CERTAIN SPECIFIC TOPICS are THE gateway to
good conversation when this is actually not the case at all.
The belief that one needs good conversation topics to have a good
conversation is completely false. It is the WRONG paradigm to
approach conversation with (yes, you've been misled your whole
life!)
Instead, I want you to completely change the paradigm you see
conversations through.
Here’s the key to having fantastic, amazing, fun, exciting, and playful
conversations:
Don’t worry about conversation TOPICS. Instead, focus on
having the right TYPES of conversations.
Once you change your focus from TOPICS to TYPES of conversation,
you will never struggle with what to say or what to do in conversation
again.
Most importantly, your conversations will completely change in their

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very nature from stone cold logical and vanilla to playful, fun,
exciting, and dynamic.
When you focus on having the right TYPES of conversation, you
can turn a conversation from NOTHING (i.e. a boring topic) into
SOMETHING SPECIAL.
Don’t forget this KEY INSIGHT. I hope you always remember it
because it will change your conversation skills for good, forever.
More on this later, as I will give you an example of how a mundane
conversation can be transformed into a fantastic ride of a
conversation just by tweaking the TYPE of conversation it becomes.
Mediocre Tips #5/#6: Talk About Your Passions And Interests /
Tell Stories
You might find your passions and interests fascinating. You might
find your long-winded stories amazing.
Maybe they are. But, trust me when I say, nobody else finds them as
fascinating and amazing as you do. 

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The Conversation Manifesto

This is not to say you can't from time to time talk about your
passions, interests, and stories...when the context calls for it.
But, instead of talking about your passions and interests or going on
long winded monologues that literally become the entire
conversation between you and somebody else/other people, which
makes for very a self-centered, one-way conversation, flip the
conversation into a “two-way” conversation.
Now, let me explain to you what I mean.
Every conversation is like a tennis match.
The only question is WHAT KIND of tennis match a conversation will
take shape as.
When people ask lots of questions for someone to answer, it is like
playing singles tennis. One person hits a question to the other side
and the other person volleys an answer back, and so on and so forth. 
The tennis ball is so predictably merely crossing from on side of the
court to the other and then back again.

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The Conversation Manifesto

This is what a singles tennis match looks like:

Not very exciting.

Now, when people talk about their passions and interests or go on
some long-winded monologue of a story, it’s like they're just hitting a
tennis ball against a wall. They’re playing all by themselves like this:

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The Conversation Manifesto

Even less exciting, right? Basically a type of self-pleasure.
Neither of these two types of tennis matches make for a great
conversation.
Now, what if instead of playing singles tennis against somebody, you
invite the other person over to your side of the court and then you
team up and play doubles tennis against a common opponent?
What common opponent?!  Well, the common opponent of mundane
and vanilla conversations of course!

Now, that’s starting to become interesting isn’t it?

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The Conversation Manifesto

This is what I meant when I said you should try to flip a conversation
into a “two-way” conversation.
Now, I will show you shortly what a two-way conversation looks like.
Mediocre Tip #7: Be Polite & Inoffensive
The best way to KILL a conversation's vibe is to be too polite, too
politically correct, and too vanilla, that is if it had any "vibe" to begin
with at all.
Instead of being polite and inoffensive, you need to deliberately
make the conversation a little bit edgy and a little bit provocative.
Now, when I say a little bit edgy and provocative, keep in mind I don't
mean talking about taboo or controversial things, like religion or
politics that you should stray away from usually.
What I mean is that whenever a conversation has no vibe or is
uninteresting, you need to say something that adds some flavor to
the conversation, to give the conversation a little push towards
something potentially interesting.

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The Conversation Manifesto

Mediocre Tip #8: Have Deep Conversations
There is a time and place to have deep conversations with other
people, but it is not most of the time.
Instead of aiming to have deep conversations with others, try to
make conversations fun, playful, and exciting. This is especially true
if you are trying to flirt with the opposite sex, by the way.
I would say 95%+ of conversations you should be having with
other people in social situations should be fun, playful, and
exciting.
Save deep conversations for those rare occasions when you and
other people are in the mood for them.
Now, one final note on this:
When I say fun and exciting, I don’t mean just fun and exciting for
yourself. There are always people who are witty and make funny
comments in conversation, but ultimately, when you see how they
interact in conversations, it ends up being almost like a monologue. 

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The Conversation Manifesto

A witty monologue yes, but they make no effort to bring other
people into the conversation. 
It is still a fail if all your conversation ends up being is a witty one
person show like the guy skillfully hitting the tennis ball against the
wall.
A GOOD conversationalist knows how to make a conversation a fun
and interesting and knows how to raise the temperature of a
conversation a bit.
However, a GREAT conversationalist knows how to make a
conversation fun, interesting, and playful for EVERYONE in the
conversation.
Here is another key concept: A great conversationalist
deliberately CREATES CONDITIONS which allows EVERYONE in
the conversation to show up and COLLECTIVELY bring the
conversation to a different, better level.
Again, here we are back to the concept of a "two-way" conversation,
i.e. doubles tennis, being the most ideal model of a great

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The Conversation Manifesto

conversation.
So, now I want to give you an example of a real (and recent)
conversation I had with a barista at my favorite coffee shop, Philz
Coffee.
As the barista handed me my cup of coffee, a part of it spilled on her
hand.
So, for educational purposes, here is how this conversation would
have gone if it were a "singles tennis match":
Me: Ouch...are you okay?
Barista: Yeah I'm alright, I'm used to it.
Me: Well, take care of your hand. Sorry that happened.
Barista: No worries, let me know if you need me to add more cream or
sugar.
Me: Okay, thanks. You have yourself a good day.

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A very typical, mundane, and "autopilot" conversation, right?
This is what happens when one person is just saying something, the
other person is responding, (usually in a predictable, autopilot-type
of way) and you both just continue that process (i.e. singles tennis)
until the conversation dies a very quick death.
This is what happens if somebody in the conversation does not
create conditions to allow everyone in the conversation collectively
bring the conversation to a different and better level.
Now, here is now the conversation REALLY went (yes, it was indeed a
"doubles tennis match"):
Me: Ouch...are you okay?
Barista: Yeah I'm alright, I'm used to it.
Me: I'm sure. You're probably superhuman by now. I bet you could
reach into a hot oven and pull out a red hot cake pan with your bare
hands!

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The Conversation Manifesto

Barista: I've ACTUALLY done that!
Me: What?! I think you need to immediately sign up to become a
firefighter with that kind of talent. You're totally wasting your talent
here.
Barista: Yes, but that would require agility, something I don't have.
Me: Yeah, you were unacceptably slow avoiding that coffee burn.
Also, becoming a firefighter requires carrying people heavier than
you on your back.
Barista: Yeah...'Sorry about your cat, I couldn't drag it out in time'.
Me: Omg...cat killer!
Barista: What!? You think you how to handle a pussy better than me?
Me: Haha...oh definitely not, but I've been known not to mess them
up too badly.
Barista: Hahaha!

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The Conversation Manifesto

And, then when I went to pay for that cup of coffee and an extra bag
of coffee beans I selected, I had this conversation with the cashier
(a different girl):
Barista: Do you want me to grind these beans for you?
Me: No way! That's committing a serious CRIME against coffee
beans.
Barista: I know, I know. Sorry, I'm required to ask...
Me: You don't want to be accessory to murder...you coffee bean
murderer!
Barista: Haha! I'm always giving customer subliminal messages "You
want them whole. You want them whole. You want them whole."
Me: Yeah, you're like "Do you want them whole or (in a quick
whispering voice while covering my mouth) or grounded (said
quickly)".

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Barista: I just pretend to grind them, and then all my customers get a
nice surprise when they get home.
Me: Hahaha! You did the right thing. You're like the Robin Hood of
coffee beans liberating them from burr grinders everywhere....well
until they get home at least.
Barista: Hahaha! You're too funny!
Analysis on the next page....

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The Conversation Manifesto

Analysis:
Do you see how I made something out of nothing in these
conversations? 
We weren't having a deep conversation. We were talking about
nothing really, but it was fun, playful, and interesting.
This is why TOPICS don't matter. TYPES of conversations
matter.
I also wasn't asking lots of questions, being a fan-boy interested in
everything the girl said, I wasn't talking about myself, telling long-
winded stories, or engaging in a "singles tennis" match. I also did
not allow the conversation to stay vanilla.
Instead, the TYPE of conversation I had was of a type that invited
both of the coffee shop employees to play a brief, fun game with me
that involved them being a coffee bean villain on one hand or a
pretend firefighter on the other hand.
And by pushing the conversation outside of the singles tennis match

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The Conversation Manifesto

paradigm and by not keeping the conversation in a place where it
lacked edge, we were all able to have a fun, playing, and interesting
conversation easily, on the fly.
Now, can you imagine being able to do this at any time,
anywhere, with anybody?
You definitely can!
ANYBODY CAN once they change the paradigm through which they
make conversations.
How?
I have created seventeen "conversation frameworks" that will allow
anybody, including you, to create the perfect TYPES of conversation
with any person or group of people.
With these seventeen conversation frameworks, you and the other
person (or people) in a conversation are collectively and magically
transported into a different paradigm of conversation where the

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The Conversation Manifesto

conversation is not stuck in a topic-based paradigm, flows smoothly,
and everyone is connecting the dots easily and having a fantastic
time.
You will hear from me soon about my revolutionary conversation
system...

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