Istoriiiii!!

Narad was 14 years old when he encountered a vagabond, puffing a

cigarette loaded with marijuana in their playground, and when he
inquired about him from his friends, he was told that this person is
a nuisance and must be stopped from indulging in such a sinful act,
especially in their community, as this will create a bad impression,
and if he has to commit this very act he can do it in his own
locality, however no one dared to go near the person out of the
curiosity about the reaction of that person who seemed to be
oblivious of these happenings around. Narad took a leap driven by
the inner narcissism of the child and the inborn half braveness in
him. He approached that person and asked him in a stern tone “ why
are you taking cannabis” the person replied in a condescending yet
polite manner that “have you ever been in love?” “No” was the
answer from Narad and the person replied with a sudden surge of
confidence in his tone “then you won’t be able to understand the
‘why’.” and moved away from Narad’s Playfield. Narad kept
looking at him till he disappeared from his sight. The words of that
delinquent you may say, intrigued Narad in a way that he felt a
curiosity about what kind of a phenomenon is this love? Which can
make a person degrade himself and commit such sinful acts which only
deteriorate a person and render him helpless? He began to think of
love as a strange and distant phenomenon and a feeling of dread
towards it.

Time passed as it does like the wax of the candle melting down which
at first sight seems so big to last for the whole night but as the
wick commences burning and flickering like the conscience of a
person, it seems that the candle was not big enough. During these
years Narad began to enquire about love from persons he regarded as
knowledgeable, which included a religious teacher, a wise friend and
an elder person, who used to teach English in a private school. And
the answers he got were all different from one another and Narad was
bewildered in finding coherence between them. “ Love is a disease
which takes you away from the right path, it should be dealt by
restraint and resistance, it is like an acid which dissolves your
good deeds in the garb of rendering them pure and spiritual. Love
which doesn’t stand the test of the testaments is a hoax.” Said
the religious man, from this Narad resolved to be away from this
entity, which can be so lethal as to take oneself away from God, he
began to question himself, ‘what big folly can befall a man other
than forgetting his creator.’ As he began to move forward and as
time passed him he was being told that “you have got no authority
over love and though it may sound like a banality that ‘love
happens’ but the fact is that it is true and when love will find
you, you’ll be helpless as a man who’s being lead by some phantom,
which keeps him dragging towards the eternal pleasure and suffering
at the same time. But saying this I must admonish you, that Love is
not a thing to be afraid of, ‘though all the suffering which you
may have encountered in your lifetime, will feel a pleasure in
comparison to the suffering brought by love, but at the same time
you’ll be accustomed to that elixir, which every youth yearns for
and which is not bestowed upon everyone, which enhances your quest
with every sip you take of it.

Narad began to think of love as a mysterious creature but in order

to suppress the curiosity and fear he began to think that ‘what is
the difference? when it befalls on everyone, what makes me
different? let it come and do its course, I won’t be affected by
these jargons. Until now he had to listen to one more interpretation
of love which he came to know while on a picnic to a valley which
was characterized by children leading their herds of sheep to fields
for grazing, the clouds as if playing hide and seek and the damsels
clad in their traditional attire preoccupied with their daily
chores. He met a teacher who had chosen to teach in this far flung
and beautiful area and as the discussion started from education to
writers to favorites, Narad asked about love, and the answer was
simple and intriguing at the same time. “Love is not to be
understood, it is to be felt at some point of time and the more you
keep away from it the more will it persist. We are too feeble to
understand it, and you should consider yourself fortunate enough if
at all you’ll be granted a chance to feel it anytime.”

“He must be bitten hard by this devil” shrugged Narad as he was

partly disturbed by his reply and who knows that his sudden
expression of the teacher being bitten hard, was a defense mechanism
or maybe a truth, but what matters for us is the pain and
disturbance our Narad underwent through listening to these
interpretations, and especially the last one; and what will occur to
him if at all he is accustomed to the same love. One thing the
teacher mentioned in the end was an advice for Narad to read some
‘Lebanese poet’ for more understanding and interpretations.

After a few more years Narad got admission in an institute to pursue

specialization in some humanitarian subject, and though there were a
lot of subjects to which he may have been inclined, he got
acquainted with one who was as intelligent and brave as Narad
himself, or may be more than him but it can’t be known as the
answers of so many questions, so it is better to keep it at bay and
concentrate on Narad’s Story. He began to talk at length with that
intelligent and green eyed girl and as the time passed he began to
feel something - after a few days of meeting her he had started to
read that Lebanese Poet extensively partly because of the inner
curiosity and partly to impress his new ‘friend’ ‘let us
suffice for this misnomer for time being.”- and that feeling was
enhanced by the curious looks and gossips about their friendship, he
was reminded of the sermon of that religious man and he decided to
stay back and surprisingly he succeeded, probably because of the
help provided by that green eyed creature, who was humble enough to
grant his wish and now their relationship turned in to a strange
estrangement; characterized by mixed feelings of respect,
resentment, love, care, and anger.

Narad was sinking day by day but he was also happy, he thought he
has defeated the demon and in the institute itself he met a girl who
happened to help him with some kind of an academic stuff without him
insisting for the same. She was a soft spoken, fair textured girl
with a lot of care in her voice. She made Narad feel in a trance
where he was happy, poetry began to occur to him, however when the
time came for that girl to leave; Narad again was reminded of the
saying of his friend and he decided to use the occasion to keep
himself away from the source of the feeling; called love denied
until now. Surprisingly though he succeeded again but here again it
would not have been possible without the contribution of that fair
girl. And now their relationship again turned into a strange thing
characterized by humour, formal jargons, courtesies and a bond.

Now Narad was sure that he will never come under the spell of that
shroud called love and that he will try to enjoy his loneliness and
self proclaimed freedom and he was enjoying virtually though; where
he’d surrounded himself with the scent of books, accompanying
solitude and rendering his heart to that intense placebo but
nonetheless the hope – of someone infusing soul into that placebo -
never dies. And it was with this hope and anxiousness the days
passed and nights came.

Then it was in the spring of his life that a damsel clad in yellow
and white so triggered his emotions that he lost connections from
eternity. It was like the feeling ‘I know from her from somewhere’
Then the hands of destiny began the journey accompanied with
mysterious meetings and conversations and there were trifles and
trials all embedded with sweetness and delicious torments. The more
he got to converse, the more he got to see the dazzling beauty, the
more was he acquainted with the irresistible peculiar yet common
gestures, the more he was accustomed with the intoxicating voice,
the more he was accustomed to the pet words wrapped in innocence and
affection, the more he got convinced of his bondage into the
beautiful and glimmering shackles of beauty and love.

Never had he imagined that he will be able to name the feelings he

had; and the recalcitrant feelings which were always on an
accelerating mode and never was there a period when they appeared to
die down.

He used to say that “there should have been some other name for the
things which are there in my heart for the amount of worry,
compassion, affection, anxiety, and love I contain in my heart.” As
there was yet the dread involved with that word i.e., love.

As Narad climbed the mountain of feelings he experienced periods of

extreme happiness and sadness as well, whenever a thought occurred
to him that his beloved has been hurt by him. And then not by chance
but with a calculated amount of feelings he began to think that,
‘this is it, this should be the pinnacle of my love, and she is the
one who can only saturate me in this entire world.” And when he
said the obvious and mundane words, as only the literal things
needed to be done owing to the fact that except this formal and
obvious thing; his every gesture, every word, every feeling, every
deed, every thought, his fidgeting, his happiness and his being
indicated that “he is in love with this girl”

But as love was never the question but the convention goes that you
have to get an answer and the answer he got was the most intriguing
in his entire lifetime which continues to bewilder him until now, he
was being told that ‘he can roam freely in the gardens, in fact he
can sit under the shade of trees to relieve himself from the cruel
sunlight; but he can never pluck any fruit from the tree itself.”

Narad decided to leave the garden at the first place and now his
feelings had been rendered stagnant and he was being left at the
mercy of seeking advices with no thinking power of his own. Baffled
and confused he stood and he wondered time and again though his
brain was in a morbid condition “who are you (his beloved) after
all other than a fellow creature like millions out there with some
features above than a minority of them, but what is it with you that
I always get dragged towards you, is it your strength or my
weakness, is it that I can’t find anyone else or your aura doesn’t
let me. What is it with you that the mesmerizing beauties out there
don’t trickle beyond my eyes into my heart; What is with you that I
feel saturated without you even knowing it; What is it with you that
your clichéd gestures are equal to all the bounties for me; Don’t
you realize how much I adore you; After all what are you waiting
for; what are you seeking by the way; Why don’t you make me
understand? And he began to console himself by writing things, which
carried no sense, or they did which only he could comprehend.
After some time passed Narad saw that ‘Green Eyed Girl ‘in his
dream while someone told him that you didn’t realize her importance
when you had to; and now what you’ve come to do.” It turned his
heart into a lump of ache, he felt choked, he cried and when he
opened his eyes he was feeling thirsty.”

Yesterday I heard that Narad was found in that mountainous valley

behind a school building asking about that teacher with a cigarette
in his hand.”

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