Lauren Davis

CTW II

6/9/19

Hidden Identities Essay: The Stigma of Learning Disabilities

The setting: San Jose, CA. Silver Oak Elementary School. Miss Bottini’s first

grade classroom. The year is 2005. The room is quiet except for the sound of pencils

moving rapidly as they write on papers. My six year old self is scrambling to get as

much of her Mad Minute math quiz done as possible. For the life of me I cannot

remember what nine times eight is. The clock ticks away, precious seconds that I’ll

never get back. If only I could freeze the clock and buy myself more time. Time, time,

that elusive, nonrenewable resource; the bane of my existence. “Time’s up! Pencils

down.” Miss Bottini announces to the class. I look at my paper and so many of the

questions are left unanswered, incomplete. Embarrassed and ashamed, I pass forward

my quiz to turn it in. I loathed these timed quizzes. For me, they stressed me out more

so than they accurately assessed my learning. For some people, this kind of activity is

seen as a fun game, seeing how many math problems they can get done in just a

minute. Its thrilling, racing against the clock. But for me, it was just a reminder of my

inadequacy; a reminder that my brain worked slower than everyone else’s and that my

memorization skills were lacking. Whose bright idea was the “Mad Minute” quiz

anyway? Why does it have to be a race? Shouldn’t it matter more how much effort we

put in rather than how fast we can get the work done? When did rapidity become more

important than thoroughness? Our little first grader brains were already being

indoctrinated with the Bay Area’s culture of productivity and efficiency.

 I did not know this yet back in first grade, but there was a reason I took longer

than my classmates to finish my assignments and tests; why one moment I would be

totally invested in what the teacher was talking about, and the next I would turn into a

space cadet and drift away in my own world. The reason for all of this was because I

have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Even at six years old, I knew

something was not right. I explained to my mother that I really wanted to learn, but I

could not focus in class. So she took me to a developmental pediatrician and I was

diagnosed with ADHD, predominantly inattentive type. After I knew what was going on

in my brain and received treatment for it, it was like night and day. I was finishing more

assignments and having an easier time concentrating in class. This is not to say that

everything was perfect after I got the help I needed. I still took longer than the average

student to get my work done, I struggled with impulsivity, and I had difficulties with

emotional regulation. While a diagnosis and medication can be very helpful, they cannot

“cure” a mental disorder. My teachers and my parents always told me that I was smart

and had potential, but I would not have had the opportunity to show this potential if I had

not gotten the help I need through treatment and accommodations.

That being said, the problems do not end after receiving accommodations. There

is a shame associated with having a disability that affects one’s learning. A major part of

childhood and adolescence (and the human experience as a whole, in all honesty) is

wanting to be “like everyone else” and a fear of being viewed as “different.” Because of

this, people with disabilities will often hide their mental differences from others. So while

having accomodations can be very helpful towards academic success, it can often

make students feel isolated. I argue that we need to undo the stigmatization of learning
disabilities and empower students with learning differences by reminding them of their

inherent worth. Otherwise, they are likely to internalize the stigma and this shame will

result in lowered self-esteem, lessened ambition, and hindered academic performance. Commented [1]: thesis

This stigma can come from a combination of external forces of society, peers, teachers,

and parents, and it can come from internal shame. In the following essay, I will discuss

each of these sources of stigma and shame.

My biggest struggle has always been time; taking too much time to get my work

done, not being able to predict how much it will take me to complete something, and not

having the executive functioning skills necessary to manage my time effectively.

Because of my struggle with time and the other issues that come along with having

ADHD, I have grappled with the shame of having a disability and needing academic

accommodations for it. One of my accommodations is being allowed extended time to

complete exams. When I stay after class to finish my test, sometimes I feel self

conscious as the other students turn in their tests and leave the classroom, like they

must think I’m cheating or something by getting a head start. Or when I come in before

the test begins to start my exam it is equally isolating, plus it is distracting as everyone

disrupts the quiet test-taking environment as they chat with each other while taking their

seats. I’ve often wondered “why can’t I just finish my exam in the same amount of time

as everyone else?” or “why can’t I keep up and write my notes as quickly as my peers?”

It has taken me time (and I am still in the process of coming to terms with it) to realize

that there is nothing wrong with needing extended time to take exams or having access

to a notetaker’s notes or needing to take medication. It is not “special treatment” or

“taking the easy way out.” It levels the playing field so that I have a fighting chance.
Expecting me and other neurodiverse students to perform at the same level of

neurotypical people without accomodations is like asking someone to run a race while

underwater while everyone else is on land and being confused when they do not get

first place. We are all headed toward the same destination of education; some of us just

arrive later than others, or need to use an alternative method of getting there. Having a

learning disability is a hidden identity that has been stigmatized by society which

idealizes being neurotypical.

I have revealed some insight into my own experience as a student with a

disability, but I would like to offer further evidence from stories, studies, and articles to

show that I am not the only one who grapples with the shame surrounding having a

disability. In a blog post, college student Chloe Gaynor describes her process of letting

go of the shame surrounding her disabilities. Gaynor starts her post with a statement

that I, and I imagine many others with disabilities, can relate to: “I have ADHD and

learning disabilities. While I’ve struggled with the academic challenges of my learning

and attention issues, I’ve struggled just as much (or even more) with their stigma and

the shame that came with it.” She then goes on to discuss how she felt isolated

because of her disabilities. Her teacher would tell her to just “focus!” as if that could

miraculously make everything better. Gee, I hadn’t thought of that! If all it takes is

someone yelling at me to focus in order to rid myself of the lifelong struggle that is

ADHD, I would have done that years ago! In all seriousness, oftentimes authority figures

like teachers, parents, and coaches think that it is the fault of the child with the disability

that they are not succeeding. If you just “applied yourself” or “tried harder” they think

you would do well. What they do not realize is usually people with ADHD and other
disabilities are working harder than anyone you know. It feels like it takes twice as much

effort as it does for everyone else just to get by, to survive, to make the grade, all while

battling self doubt and external pressures from those who we are afraid of letting down.

And to excel? That’s a whole different level. People with disabilities are capable of being

smart and doing great things, but it takes a lot of energy and work to show that to make

that potential come to light.

Gaynor says that she hid her identity as someone with ADHD and learning

disabilities out of fear that her peers would think less of her. Because of this, she would

go to great lengths to hide the truth about the accommodations she received from her

school’s the Office of Disabilities Services. This was until one day a friend found out and

told her she had nothing to be ashamed of. “She was right. I realized that I’d let myself

be convinced that having ADHD and learning disabilities is a bad thing. I’d carried

people's negative comments with me for years—to the point that I almost believed

them” (Gaynor). That is the danger of the stigma and shame surrounding disabilities.

People internalize the negative messages fed to them by an ableist society and begin to

doubt their own capabilities and worth. If you do not believe in yourself, you are much

less likely to succeed. It is like you are doomed from the start.

Another way to undo the stigma and shame associated with having a learning

disability is by changing one’s way of thinking about their disability. Gaynor describes

how she has shifted her mindset from having disabilities be a bad thing to it being a

source of inspiration for her strong work ethic:

I realized that I’d let myself be convinced that having ADHD and learning

disabilities is a bad thing. I’d carried people's negative comments with me for
 years—to the point that I almost believed them. Now I’m starting to change that. I

used to blame my issues for the challenges I’ve faced, but now I credit them with

my achievements. Having these differences has made me a hard worker and a

motivated student. Without them, I doubt I would be where I am today (Gaynor).

I can relate to this as well. I have grappled with the shame of having ADHD all of my

life. I feel frustrated with myself for struggling with planning and focusing and several

other skills that seem to come easily to others. At times, I am hesitant to take on

responsibilities because I am afraid of letting others down. However, at the end of the

day, I would not trade this experience for anything. My ADHD makes me work very hard

just to get by, so I use the momentum I already have to try to excel. I know that I have

great potential and I do not want it to go to waste. Similarly to Gaynor, I used to keep

my ADHD a secret from my peers because I did not want them to view me as different. I

did not want them to think “wow, she’s so smart for someone with ADHD,” or for them to

look for symptoms of it after I tell them about my disability. I just wanted them to see me

as me. Smart and successful as an individual, not an exception to the low expectations

they may have for someone with a disability. But now I try to be more candid about my

ADHD and speak openly about it. It is almost like I have to come out to my friends and

say, “Guys, I have something to tell you. I have ADHD.” It doesn’t have to be that

serious though. I try to normalize it because it is a part of my everyday experience just

like anything else. I even make self-deprecating jokes about it so that it’s not a big deal.

It helps to destigmatize something when you know someone personally who has that

experience. When people know me for me and that I happen to have ADHD, they know

that it is not the only thing I am; I am also creative, compassionate, driven, and
interesting. I refuse to be put into the box of the girl with ADHD when it is only a portion

of my identity.

Luckily, there are many ways to undo the stigma of disabilities. I have read about

several studies that show the positive effects of students learning how to be tolerant and

supportive of their peers with learning disabilities. In a study done on the effect of

training to decrease the stigma college students have with autism, these were the

results: “This study demonstrated that a brief and inexpensive online training about

autism was associated with immediate increases in knowledge and decreases in stigma

associated with autism among college students.” (2560). A key component to

decreasing prejudices (ableism is prejudice or discrimination against people with

disabilities) is increasing awareness. It is easy to judge or be afraid of something you

know nothing about, but if you learn more about the disorder or, as is indicated in a

different part of the article, if you get to know someone with the disability personally, you

are much more likely to have an understanding and compassionate outlook.

The shame that students with ADHD and learning disabilities feel can have real

consequences on their academics. As students get older and go on to higher

education, it seems that they feel the need to “grow out of” their disability. In a chapter

from the book Out in the Center: Public Controversies and Private Struggles, speech

language pathologist Tim Zmudka explains: “While 87 percent of high school students

with LD receive accommodations because of their LD, only 19 percent of these same

students with LD receive accommodations at the postsecondary level (Newman et al.

2011, 32). …I think that, unfortunately, many students try hiding their diagnosis because

of the climate surrounding LDs on college campuses ” (Zmudka 230). (Zmudka refers to
learning disabilities as “learning differences,” or LD.) Having a learning disability is a

hidden identity because it others you from your neurotypical peers. Even though most

colleges offer confidential accommodations to students with disabilities (in fact at Santa

Clara University students are not even required to disclose what their specific disability

is to their professors unless they wish to), there is still hesitation to apply for

accomodations. This could be because they don’t want their professors to view them

differently from any other students or perhaps expect less of them. Or it could be

because of intrinsic motivations, wanting to prove to oneself that you can handle college

without having accommodations as a safety net. I have certainly had moments where I

knew I should have sought help, either by going to a professor’s office hours or finding

someone to help me with executive functions and organizing my time, but my shame

got the best of me and I was too afraid to admit that I was struggling. That is a big

problem with the mindset many of us have surrounding college. We forget that it is an

opportunity where it is okay to make some mistakes and this is all a learning experience

where we grow and improve. It takes more courage to admit to one’s flaws and areas

for improvement and seek help than it does to be prideful and pretend like you can do it

all on your own. There is truth behind the phrase “it takes a village.”

One way we can break down having a disability as a hidden identity and

eliminate some shame held with it is by changing the way we speak about disabilities.

Vocabulary can make a significant difference. “I have come to realize that learning

disabilities are nothing more than learning differences. Even though it is expected that

students with learning differences will find traditional pedagogical practices challenging,

the most disabling aspects facing them are the misconceptions surrounding their unique
learning styles. As a progressive entity on college campuses, writing centers must lead

accademia by not only replacing learning disability with learning difference (LD), but

also by transforming the stigmatizing narrative that is restricting these students from

fulfilling their true potential” (Zmudka 222). I find the term “learning difference” more

inclusive than “learning disability” because as someone with ADHD, I don’t technically

have a learning disability but I do have a mental difference that affects my learning.

“Learning difference” is more all encompassing. I also don’t technically fit in with the

mentally ill community, such as individuals with depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. It almost

feels like I am left not only isolated from neuortypical people, but from the neurodiverse

community as well. Phrases like “neurodiverse” and “learning difference” help me to not

feel as alone. “Learning difference” also removes the negative connotation associated

with “learning disability.” The term disability can be a bit of a misnomer because the

neurodiverse community has many abilities but we learn in different ways from other

people. It is not bad, it is just different. It is easy to accept the fact that everyone does

not learn in the exact same way. This mindset fosters acceptance and de-

stigmatization.

Another reason why many students with learning differences, particularly those

with ADHD, hesitate to tell others about their disability is because of the

sensationalization and fear mongering surrounding ADHD and its treatment.

“Nonetheless, students with ADHD are unequivocally caught in the crosshairs of

storylines surrounding both peer stimulant abuse and the potential overdiagnosis of

ADHD” (Zmudka 231). Some neurotypical people, particularly college students under

pressure to perform well academically, take ADHD medications without having them
prescribed to them by a doctor. Because they are stimulants, they help them to stay up

all night studying. Their intended purpose is to help people with ADHD focus at a normal

level, but when people who don’t need these medications abuse them, they do more

than just help them focus. In a nutshell, people with ADHD have a chemical imbalance

in their brain and stimulants help to balance out the chemicals in the brain that are

lacking. When people who do not have ADHD take stimulants, they already have

sufficient dopamine levels and the added dopamine overwhelms the brain and can lead

to unintended side effects, such as: “Increase blood pressure, heart rate, and body

temperature; Decrease appetite and sleep; Cause feelings of hostility and

paranoia.Increase a person’s risk for addiction,” according to The National Institute on

Drug Abuse. “For people who do not have ADHD, stimulants flood the brain with

dopamine, causing a dopamine overload. So instead of having a calming effect as they

would on people with ADHD, stimulants taken without a medical reason can disrupt

brain communication and cause euphoria” Not to mention the dangers of taking a

medication not intended for your specific body; doctors prescribe medications and

dosages according to many factors such as the patient’s weight, height, age, and

severity of symptoms. Even those with ADHD may have to try several different types of

medications and dosages before they find the one that best suites them. On top of that,

it is illegal to take medication that was not prescribed to you or to give your prescription

medication to someone else. Stimulants are controlled substances, so they can be

difficult to obtain. As someone with ADHD, if I run out of pills before I am due for my

next prescription (about once per month), I cannot get my prescription refilled until the

right time. I cannot afford to give my pills away that I actually need. It is advised that
people with ADHD keep their medication in a secure location so that no one can steal

them, especially on college campuses where we all live in proximity to each other and

stimulant abuse is common. This is another factor that prevents students with ADHD

from wanting to tell their peers about their disorder and the treatment they get for it. The

media often portrays ADHD medication in ways that perpetuate the stigma of the

medication and the disorder.

Last year, Netflix released a documentary called “Take Your Pills” which delves

into the topic of stimulant abuse. Unfortunately, the way in which the film goes about

discussing the topic further stigmatizes ADHD and ADHD medications, basically

equating Adderall to steroids or meth. Liz Jorgensen, a (allegedly) licensed

psychotherapist goes as far as saying “Just like opiate painkillers are heroin in a pill,

ADHD medicine is a small dose of meth in a pill.” This is an incredibly inaccurate and

dangerous statement. First of all, ADHD medications are not the same thing as meth.

There are two main types of stimulant medications used to treat ADHD: amphetamine

(ingredient in Adderall) and methylphenidate (ingredient in Ritalin). Neither of these

have the same chemical makeup as crystal meth. ADHD medication is not as

dangerous as street drugs. It is one of the most researched medications out there and

when prescribed properly and monitored under medical supervision, it can be very

beneficial to people with ADHD. The documentary blurs the lines between someone

diagnosed with a neurological disorder safely taking medications prescribed to them by

their doctor and a neurotypical person abusing stimulants for personal gain. Leigh, a

neurotypical college senior interviewed in the documentary states: “I had tons of friends

in high school that were on Adderall, and because they were on Adderall or Vyvanse or
something like that, were getting two and a half time on the SATs or something, and got

to take it alone. And I wanted it.” Leigh is referring to how people with ADHD often

receive academic accommodations and are allowed to have extended time to take

exams. What she fails to understand is that they need this treatment and these

accommodations to have a fighting chance at academic success. Not anyone can just

get medications and extended time on tests just because they want it. This is one of

several examples of ableism in this documentary. Leigh then describes how she got

evaluated by psychiatrists and pretended to have ADHD symptoms in order to get

diagnosed so she could take Adderall, which is completely unethical, and possibly

illegal. It perpetuates the stigma surrounding ADHD and delegitimizes makes it harder

for people who actually have it to get diagnosed and receive medication for it. When

describing the psychiatric evaluation, Leigh says “the testing was so stressful for me

‘cause it’s kind of made to make you feel dumb and to make you feel like you can’t

complete these tasks that other people can complete.” This is exactly the stigma I am

describing. These evaluations are not made to make you feel dumb or incompetent,

they are to see if you have a disability, ADHD. But the perception of ADHD is that it

means you are less smart or capable than other people, which is false. This movie gives

a platform to ignorance and fear mongering, and as someone diagnosed with ADHD

and who takes medication for it, I find it very offensive. They try to incite fear into the

viewers by telling them about the potential adverse side effects of stimulants, such as

cardiovascular issues or even psychotic episodes. Even though these are not common,

they use them as a scare tactic to warn the audience to beware of Big Adderall. They

give an example of a guy who worked in finance being hospitalized for an exhaustion-
induced seizure after staying up for over two days on Adderall working on a project.

Obviously this is not the fault of the medication itself, but the individual’s misuse of it. It

is not advisable for anyone to take that high a dose of Adderall or to deprive themselves

of sleep, but nonetheless“Take Your Pills” use this story as a method to deter stimulant

use. Stimulants are controlled substances so they should be used cautiously, but any

drug has the potential to be dangerous if taken improperly. Someone could even

overdose on over the counter drugs we perceive as safe like Advil, but there aren’t

documentaries being made on that and crusades trying to strike down Advil abuse.

This documentary has a lot of mixed messages about whether or not abusing

Adderall is okay. It claims to be a warning against the dangers of abusing stimulants,

but it also gives numerous accounts of abusing Adderall working in people’s favor and

helping them to be successful. Delaney, a college junior says, “I was surrounded by

people that had a lot more money than I did. And I had to work in high school, and I

couldn’t afford private tutors for classes. So, on one had, I feel like, if you were

someone like me, using Adderall could have been leveling out the playing field. But on

the other hand, if you’re someone like some of those kids, then you’re just giving

yourself even more of a leg up.” This is also very misguided. Abusing drugs you don’t

need isn’t “leveling out the playing field.” It is not leveling the playing field unless you

actually have ADHD and you actually need those medications. People like her are just

neurotypical kids trying to take the easy way out.

In a brief refreshing change of pace, the documentary features someone who

was actually diagnosed with ADHD speaking out on the stigma the condition faces.

Ariana, a college sophomore says: “For some reason everyone says ‘Everyone has a
little ADD.’ No, that’s not true. We have distractions in our life, but not everyone has a

brain that functions like somebody’s with ADHD…. It’s pretty detrimental for people to

constantly be saying things like that, because it de-legitimizes the struggle and the

actual power that ADHD might have over somebody’s life. And it is a disorder. It causes

a lot of issues, and there’s a stigma around it. And I think that people throw it off like it’s

nothing and like everyone has a little bit of it, but it’s not true.” This is one of the few

things this documentary got right. Even though it mostly talks about the dangers of

stimulants and overly represents the voices of people abusing ADHD medications

(almost to the point of glorification), it occasionally features the voices of individuals

who actually have ADHD saying that it is a legitimate condition with real issues.

The stigma associated with learning disabilities hinders the academic

performance of students with these disabilities. In a study on Israeli adolescent boys,

researchers determined that there is a correlation between having a learning disability

and test-taking anxiety. “As hypothesized, adolescents with LD reported higher test

anxiety than students without LD, and the higher the test anxiety, the the lower the

academic achievements” (Peleg 15). On top of learning disabilities being an obstacle to

to learning, they can make assessment of knowledge more difficult too. So even if the

student reaches a point of comprehending the material, it may be difficult for the student

to demonstrate this understanding on exams, leaving them feeling frustrated and

defeated. This is why test taking accommodations are so helpful for students with

learning disabilities. “It is possible that students with LD are more anxious when being

evaluated and that anxiety may have an effect on performance, so that students with

higher degrees of test anxiety perceive the academic environment as threatening,

especially when compared to their peers” (Peleg 16). Having an alternative test taking

space, such as a separate room away from the disabled students’ neurotypical peers

could make taking exams less intimidating because they would not be directly reminded

of their classmates and not feel compelled to compare their abilities to those of their

counterparts. “Further, it is likely that test-anxious students are more dependent on their

parents’ viewpoints and expectations (Peleg et. al 2003). Their anxiety and their fear of

disappointing their parents may lower their concentration and proficiency in organizing,

processing, and retrieving information during exams” (Peleg 16). I can attest to the fact

that a major source of shame that comes from having a learning disability is the fear or

regret of disappointing others. That is why people with learning disabilities may be

hesitant to take on responsibilities or have people relying on them for something. I tend

to prefer working alone over group projects because I don’t want to hold my peers back.

And when I think about going into the workforce, I am hopeful about my future, but part

of me is afraid I will make major mistakes that could negatively impact my career, or

potentially even cost me my job. This is a worst case scenario, but the internalized

shame of having a learning disability/ADHD can significantly lower one’s expectations

for themselves.

The assumption is that accumulated failure over time leads to low self-esteem,

which in turn can result in a lower ability to cope with tests. It should be noted

that all the students with LD attended a special education school in which they

were exposed to stigmatization, and their label may have affected both how

peers felt about them and how they felt about interactions with their peers (Peleg

17)
When you have a learning difference, you become used to failing over and over. It

requires building up a lot of humility and self-advocacy skills if you want to get by. I have

asked my teachers for extensions on assignments countless times. Sometimes I was

met with kindness and understanding, and other times I was met with anger and

disappointment. The moments of feeling ashamed and swallowing my pride as I told a

professor or teacher that I didn’t have an assignment done stand out painfully in my

memory. People rarely speak candidly about the emotional toll mental disabilities have

on you. I have had full on emotional breakdowns because of this shame, wondering if I

really have what it takes to be at this university and to aspire to my professional goals.

“Do I belong here?” I wonder as I sob into my pillow on my bed in my dorm with my

roommate in the room because privacy is a luxury you foreit when you decide to live on

a college campus. Then I wipe away my tears, pick myself up, and think to myself, “Wait

a minute. Yes, I do belong here. I worked just as hard as every other student to get into

this school, if not harder in the face of the adversity that comes along with having

ADHD.” Every failure is a jab to the heart and the self-esteem, but it is also an

opportunity for growth and learning from mistakes, a chance to do better next time. I did

not reach this point of self-acceptance and self-forgiveness all on my own though. It

took many teachers and family members and friends and loved ones also telling me

they believe in me. That is why as a society we need to break down the systems of

ableism that tell people with disabilities they are not enough or they are stupid or they

are broken. They are differently-abled. And it would be a terrible waste not to invest in

the beautiful minds and amazing abilities of people with learning differences.
 The first step to breaking down stigma is increasing awareness. A study was

done to determine if informing people about autism could decrease the stigma toward

this disorder. “To improve acceptance and understanding of college students with

autism, we developed an online training about autism and tested it with students in

psychology courses. The primary aim of this report is to evaluate this training, which has

the potential to be a cost-effective method of increasing knowledge and decreasing

stigma associated with autism on college campuses” (Gillespie-Lynch et al. 2553).

While autism is not exactly a learning disability, it is a developmental disorder which

affects one’s ability to communicate, which can surely have an impact on one’s

experience in school. Academics are only one component of the schooling experience.

Another major part of school is socialization, which can be much more difficult for

individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder. ASD definitely has stigma surrounding it as

well. The study consisted of a long online powerpoint presentation on autism with

periodic comprehension check ins. According to the study’s results, this training proved

to be effective: “This study demonstrated that a brief and inexpensive online training

about autism was associated with immediate increases in knowledge and decreases in

stigma associated with autism among college students” (Gillespie-Lynch 2560). If a

training such as this used to decrease stigma surrounding autism can make a

difference, imagine the possibilities for similar trainings for other disabilities and learning

differences. People tend to be judgemental or apprehensive of what they have limited

knowledge on. Knowledge is a powerful force that can change not only minds, but

potentially hearts too.

 Other learning/mental differences can impact the social life of students as well. I Commented [2]: is this paragraph necessary?

remember getting teased for having Tourette's Syndrome in elementary school. I also

struggled to relate to my neurotypical peers at times. It was hard to understand why

they seemed to be able to focus so easily and use impulse control and do long term

planning better than I could. Schools also are sometimes structured in ways that

isolates students who are struggling, even if it is not entirely their fault. I remember in

elementary school we would have class parties every so often (probably once a

trimester) celebrating students with under a certain number of missing assignments

(probably less than three). Sometimes I wouldn’t be able to go because I would get

behind on my work because it took me so long to do my homework and I struggled with

planning and executive functions. Therefore, I would have multiple missing

assignments. There is nothing wrong with rewarding students for their hard work, but is

it really fair to isolate and punish students who have gotten behind and are having a

hard time? Of course the other students would notice who was at the class party and

who wasn’t, which added to my humiliation. I believe that we ought to support and lift up

students who are struggling rather than punish them. Believe me, the amount that we

are hard on ourselves is punishment enough; we don’t need the reminder that we’re

different.

A study was carried out examining patterns of explicit and implicit stigmatisation

of peers with depression and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Children

(median age of 10 years old) and teenagers (median age 15 years old) were sampled in

this study. Participants were given questionnaires to test their explicit and implicit

stigmatization of peers with depression or ADHD. The findings of this study are
fascinating: “...however, in this study when compared with ‘typical’ peers, responses are

significantly more negative. This study found that ADHD is more explicitly stigmatised

than depression… Differences did emerge for responsibility stereotypes, such that the

peer with ADHD was viewed as being more responsible for his or her condition

compared with the depressed peer” (O’Driscoll et al.1058). The ways in which stigma is

justified are fascinating. Depression is a mental illness and ADHD is a mental

disorder/learning difference. It seems that people with ADHD are perceived to have

more control over their symptoms than people with depression. Depression might elicit

more feelings of pity whereas ADHD can be seen as inconvenient or even annoying,

(such as impulsively interrupting during conversation, perceived laziness, hyperactivity).

Children with ADHD are more likely to get in trouble for being disruptive in class, so

their behavior is more noticeable than someone with depression. This is not always the

case though, depending on how the individual’s ADHD manifests itself. I personally

have the predominantly inattentive type and I am less hyperactive than others with my

condition, so my symptoms might not be as immediately noticeable. I was not as

stereotypically obvious to have ADHD and instead of bouncing off the walls like one

might expect, I was quietly spacing out in my own world in class, which is why ADHD

can go unnoticed unless the individual or an observant teacher or parent takes notice of

it. While there are coping mechanisms and strategies for dealing with mental disorders

such as ADHD, the misconception that people with mental disorders are deliberately

acting the way they do and can shut off that part of them is a major source of stigma.

Having compassion for the fact that they cannot help how their brain works and are

likely doing the best they can is important to be aware of in order to dismantle the
stigma. You might be wondering, why is there stigma toward people with mental

disorders? What makes neurotypical peers less likely to accept them? The answer is

social order. “Compared with children, adolescents were less accepting and more

prejudiced towards both disorders, especially ADHD. This could be explained by

adolescents’ preference for social order within the peer group and their tendency to

advocate exclusion of peers who might impinge on successful group functioning (Horn,

2003).” (O’Driscoll et al.1058). Human nature’s preference for conformity to social

norms emerges, I would argue, most prevalently during adolescence, as teens are

approaching adulthood. As young children, we seem to be more open to individuality.

But teenagers tend to desire being “just like everyone else,” which is a difficult thing to

strive for since everyone is different. So people who are perceived as “weird” or

outsiders are pushed away and excluded. Adolescence is a time of such change and

heightened emotions and vulnerability, so people cling onto whatever can elevate

themselves, even at the expense of others. This is not just true about ableism; it

manifests itself in racism, homophobia, classism, and other systems of oppression.

Drawing awareness to these prejudices by calling them out when witnessed and

recognizing our own participation in them is key to a more just and harmonious society.

I have discussed how stigma about learning differences affects students affected

by the disorders and the views their classmates might hold. Now let’s delve into the

perspective of parents of children with learning differences. Children will have their own

feelings about their disability, but the way their parents react to it will make a significant

impact because children look to their parents for validation and support. A study was

carried out in Spain to investigate how parents of children with learning differences felt
about their child’s condition. This study included three groups: families with a child with

ADHD, families with a child with dyslexia/language impairments, and families with a

child with Asperger Syndrome. Participants in the study were asked questions

pertaining to three core themes: 1) Emotions Related to Parenting a Child With Learning

Disability, 2) Diagnosis and Perceived Cause of the Learning Disability, and 3) Daily

Experiences With Their Child. Starting with the first theme, the study found a common

thread between the parents’ responses:

Most parents reported that parenting a child with LD was different from parenting

a child without disability, especially because of the appearance of ambiguous

feelings and negative emotions, mainly sadness and frustration. An important

number of participants perceived themselves as 'bad parents', because when

their child was confronted with obstacles related to the disability (for example,

when doing homework), the parents felt frustrated when they wanted to help but

did not know how (Fernández-Alcántara et al. 532).

Of course there were some variations in the responses depending on the diagnosis of

the child and the different experiences of the parents, but as a whole, parents of

children with mental disabilities feel guilt for not always knowing what to do to help their

child with unique needs. Many parents model their parenting technique after their own

parents, but they are likely not prepared for how to cope with having a neurologically

atypical child. With ADHD in particular, it is common for one of the parents of the child

to also have ADHD because it is partially genetic. In this case, it is likely painful to see

one’s child going through the same struggles the parent did. At least this can potentially

foster a sense of empathy between parent and child. My father has ADHD and in my
case I did not know that until later in life (he was likely diagnosed as an adult), so I

always felt like the inattentive black sheep of the family in comparison to my high

achieving, neurotypical older sister. My advice to parents with a child with a disorder

and a neurotypical child (or any parents with multiple children really) is do not compare

your children to each other or make one feel worse for not measuring up to the

precedent of their sibling. Every child is unique with his or her own individual strengths.

That being said, even though I was compared to my sister at times, I mostly felt

supported by my family and not like I was less intelligent or impressive than my sister. I

needed more hands-on involvement and supervision from my parents than a

neurotypical child would in order to thrive. I could not ask for a better mother. In addition

to being an incredibly dedicated and loving mother, she also happens to be a

pediatrician so she has always been a great advocate for me getting treatment and

accommodations and she has a strong understanding of the symptoms of ADHD. She

would help me stay on task as I did my homework, wake me up early in the morning so

that I could finish my homework, patiently explain the importance of practicing impulse

control (one of her memorable her genius parenting techniques was the creation of “Ask

First Things” after I decided it would be a good idea to rub my chocolate pudding snack

pack all over my hands in the backseat of the new car. This saved us lots of messes,

and probably my life), and so much more. She believed in me even when I struggled to

believe in myself, and she recognized my talents and intelligence. For all that she has

done for me I am eternally grateful. My dad has always been encouraging and proud of

me too. He and I can relate on a number of ADHD things, like loathing sitting still and

struggling to remember instructions unless they’re written down.

 For theme 2, Diagnosis and Perceived Cause of the Learning Disability, the

parent had differing responses depending on their child’s disability. The parents of

children with ADHD felt less guilty after receiving the diagnosis:

The parents of children diagnosed with ADHD perceived the LD as having a

biological origin: the child had a neuro-cognitive impairment that prevented

him/her from being focused or staying calm, and could be treated with a specific

medication. They realised their child’s problem was not directly related to their

role as parents, and so the feelings of impotence and guilt were lessened. As

soon as they realised their child’s problem was not directly related to their role as

parents, the feelings of impotence and guilt decreased (Fernández-Alcántara et

al. 533).

Realizing that there is nothing they could have done as parents to prevent the

symptoms of their child’s condition, the parents felt a little less to blame. Their child is

not misbehaving or unintelligent; they just have an issue in their brain chemistry that

causes inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. For me, getting diagnosed was a relief

because it opened up options for how to cope with my disorder. I was thereafter able to

get medication and accommodations as well as have a better understanding about what

is going on in my brain and how to deal with it. Regarding dyslexia/language problems:

“Most parents hoped that their child could overcome the LD with hard work and

willpower, and were angry when teachers and school staff told them their child had a

disability” (Fernández-Alcántara et al. 533). Some react to a diagnosis with relief, like

“Phew! Thank goodness it isn’t my fault!” while others react with frustration that there is

nothing they can do to make the disability go away. It is a common misconception that
people with learning differences can simply snap out of it and if they just “worked

harder” or “paid attention” or did something to fix themselves everything would be okay.

One can either be freed by the news that it is not you or your child’s fault and try to find

solutions moving forward, or one can feel hopeless and like nothing they do will make a

difference. In my opinion it is all about your mindset. Yes it is natural to feel frustrated

and like the situation is unfair and feel afraid for all that your child will have to go

through because of his or her disability, but it is wrong to project these fears and

disappointment onto the child at a time when they need support and reassurance. The

parents also expressed the role teachers can have in helping students to find solutions

while managing with their learning difference.

Teachers often play a central role in helping children adapt to their LD. However,

when they lack specific knowledge of the disability, parents may perceive

teachers to be an obstacle. Half of the parents of children with ADHD referred to

difficulties in their relationship with teachers and the school psychologist. The

teachers had problems in accepting the diagnosis and sought alternative

explanations, which delayed the implementation of specific measures, such as

curriculum adaptation. In one case (AT 10), a teacher told parents that their child

was lazy and that his attention problems were an invention (Fernández-Alcántara

et al. 534)

Teachers can either make or break the learning experience of a student. I have had

wonderful teachers who were understanding, accommodating, and compassionate. My

kindergarten teacher tutored me when I struggled with learning how to read, which is

common with ADHD. Forgetfulness and misplacing possessions is also very common
with ADHD, so I used to forget to wear my glasses to school often when I was younger,

which made it hard for me to see the board in class. My third grade teacher gave me a

basket to keep my glasses in so that I would have a safe place to keep them at home. I

still have that basket to this day. There are many other examples of my teachers being

awesome and supportive of me: providing me with quiet test-taking environments,

allowing me extensions on projects, repeating explanations of concepts I struggled to

process, and so on. But the few teachers who were not understanding or helpful also

stand out in my memory. My high school precalculus teacher made me feel stupid for

struggling to understand the material (which to be fair, is not at all straightforward and

involves many abstract concepts that someone with an ADHD brain would struggle with

processing) and did not hide her disappointment when I struggled to keep up with

getting the homework done. My geometry teacher would make me jump through hoops

just to have extended time on tests, which was included in my academic

accommodations. She was the only teacher who would require me to request extended

time before every test. She would print my exams single sided so that I would complete

them one page at a time and not look ahead and remember the questions to study

before coming back in for my extended test taking time. Once she forgot to print it single

sided even though I reminded her to ahead of time and because of her mistake, I was

not able to get extended time on that exam. The combination of her not trusting me not

to cheat and making me go to great lengths just to get the accommodations to which I

was entitled created a tense teacher student relationship between us. Part of the stigma

of getting accommodations for one’s learning disability is being suspected of taking

advantage of those accommodations and being given an unfair advantage by them,

when in actuality we just want to prove that we are as intelligent and capable of

everyone else.

As I have discussed at length in this essay, there is a lot of stigma surrounding

learning differences and getting academic accommodations for disabilities. While doing

research for this paper, I noticed a lack of academic literature on this, and even fewer

scholarly sources and studies on the effect the stigma has on the actual individuals with

disabilities. There is some information on the stigmatized mindset of neurotypical peers,

but not as much on how that impacts disabled students’ self-esteem and mental health.

I urge psychological, sociological, developmental, and any other qualified academics to

do further research on this topic with the goal of finding solutions for these issues so

that we can begin to change the dominant ableist narrative. I hope that one day learning

differences are viewed as just that: differences in learning, not something that holds you

back or makes you less than. Academia needs more neurodiversity so that the voices of

people who are differently abled are represented as well. I am a Child Studies major

here at Santa Clara University. I hope to do into the field of education. My dream is to

start my own business that mentors and tutors children with ADHD. A lot of the shame

of having a disability is derived from feelings of isolation and like you are the only one

going through it, the only one with an atypical brain. I want to provide my students with a

space where they can learn coping strategies for their disability while being surrounded

by others who share similar experiences. I am ambitious and some might even say

naively hopeful, but great accomplishments and movements for justice and change

were never completed while playing it safe. My motivation to help others is knowing

what it is like to need help myself. If more children with learning differences were as
supported and empowered by their teachers, family, and friends as I have the privilege

to be, then the world would be filled with a lot more dreamers with compassionate

hearts and creative minds.

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