Mentoring at Work

CAROLE DEIGHTON
MENTORING AT WORK
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Mentoring At Work
1st edition
© 2017 Carole Deighton & bookboon.com
ISBN 978-87-403-1750-3

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MENTORING AT WORK Contents
CONTENTS
1 Introduction 7
2 Emotional Capital 9
2.1 What is Emotional Capital? 9
2.2 Why Emotional Capital is Such a Valuable Asset 11
2.3 How Mentoring Helps 12
3 Emotional Intelligence 14
3.1 EI together with IQ = WISDOM 14
3.2 Why EI is Important to the Savvy Employer 17
4 What do People Want from Work? 20

4.1 Everyone is an Individual
360° 20
.
4.2 Key Values and Factors at Work 21
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5 The Mentoring Process 24

5.1 How Mentoring Differs from Coaching or Training 24
5.2 How Mentoring Helps People 27
5.3 What Effective Mentoring Involves 28
5.4 Mentoring: The Main Benefits 31
6 Becoming a Mentor 33
6.1 Specific Qualities of a Good Mentor 33
6.2 The Skills Required 35
6.3 Sharing Experience 39
6.4 Building Rapport 41
6.5 Setting Direction 42
6.6 Making Progress 43
6.7 Moving On 45
6.8 The Boundaries – and When to Seek Help 46
6.9 Measuring Success 49
6.10 A Mentor’s Know-How Gives You the Edge 50
7 To be or not to be a Mentee? 52
7.1 Is Mentoring Right for me? 52
7.2 How Do I Get the Most from Mentoring? 54
7.3 Choosing the Right Mentor 57
7.4 What Will I gain? 58
7.5 How Does Mentoring Help My Development? 60
7.6 Personal Commitment 61
8 Starting a Company Scheme 64

8.1 Launching the Mentoring Programme 64
8.2 Mentoring Workshops 68
8.3 Getting it Right: The Golden Rules 70
8.4 What Mentoring Achieves for Employees 71
8.5 What Mentoring Offers the Organisation 73
8.6 Mentor and Mentee Matching: Getting it Right 75
8.7 Mentors and Managers 77

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9 Mentor Training 80
9.1 The Help a Mentor Offers 80
9.2 Facilitating Mentoring Support 82
9.3 The Art of Listening 82
9.4 The Skill of Questioning 85
9.5 Trust and Confidentiality 89
9.6 Preparing for a Meeting 90
9.7 Running Meetings Effectively 91
9.8 Dealing with Issues/Problems 95
10 Mentoring Tools 98
10.1 The G.R.O.W. Model 98
10.2 G.R.O.W. – Example Questions 99
10.3 Checklist for Mentors (Example) 100
10.4 Meeting Form for Mentees 102
10.5 Some Useful Goal-Setting Tools 103
11 Conclusion 104

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MENTORING AT WORK Introduction
1 INTRODUCTION
Understanding Mentoring
In today’s business environment, anyone wanting to develop a top-notch workforce needs
the right game plan for building employee morale, performance and commitment. By
mentoring people rather than relying on more staid, traditional management techniques,
you’ll soon see some remarkable results.
In short, mentoring gives organisations the means by which to help the individual develop
their capabilities and skills and achieve even greater success for both the business and their
own careers.
At its core, it’s a powerful personal development tool that empowers both mentor and mentee
to form a partnership based on mutual trust and respect. Wise and knowing, mentors should
act as perceptive guides and role models willing to pass on the benefits of their wisdom.
No matter where you stand on the corporate ladder (or how much authority you exert)
you and the other managers in your organisation share joint responsibility for upping the
performance and contributing to the well-being of the staff.
In a detailed and sound way, ‘Mentoring at Work’ offers insights and sage advice about
how to harness this creative and original management tool – and demonstrates how you
can inspire people and get the very best from them.
You’ll find a hands-on, step-by-step guide to the techniques that will help employees deliver
the kind of positive results the company needs and how to motivate them to think and
act for themselves, ultimately taking more responsibility for their own career progression
in the process.
If you run an organisation intending to set up an in-house mentoring programme or

have a scheme in place that needs refreshing, there’s a template in the following chapters
that will give you what you need to make it a success both for your mentoring team and
all the mentees they are supporting.
With people a company’s greatest asset, the business case for mentoring is put forward and
just why it’s becoming a vital component in the investment that today’s leading organisations
are making to attract, nurture and keep the best people. There’s no doubt that those offering
the benefits of mentoring within the organisation present a more attractive proposition.

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MENTORING AT WORK Introduction
In summary, then, would-be mentors will find a comprehensive guide to the subject
including the qualities they’ll need and the skills to be honed; how to go about starting
up a successful in-house mentoring scheme along with some of the Golden Rules; advice
about mentor and mentee matching; and an overview of the relationship between mentors
and managers.
There’s a practical guide to mentor training and a number of useful mentoring tools are
provided including the GROW model – an exercise that helps mentees to identify and
explore their goals and ambitions.
All the advice, information, tools and tips included in ‘Mentoring at Work’ are aimed at
mentors, mentees and organisations running mentoring programmes as well as any interested
readers or students who may simply wish to learn more about the subject.
By gaining a greater appreciation and understanding of this highly effective process and
just what it can achieve, I really hope that you’ll be able to enjoy greater success in your
life and career through mentoring at work!

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MENTORING AT WORK Emotional Capital
2 EMOTIONAL CAPITAL
2.1 WHAT IS EMOTIONAL CAPITAL?
“Emotional Capital is the intangible organisational asset created by employees’ cumulative

emotional experiences, which give them the ability to successfully communicate and form
interpersonal relationships.”
– A useful definition from bnet.com
With media revelations of greed and excess in today’s corporate environment more and more
common place, it is increasingly important for companies with vision to grasp the necessity
to care for their people, engaging and motivating them – and the positive impact this can
have in enhancing their reputation as well as contributing to a healthier balance sheet.
Forward-thinking organisations are fast recognising that investment in their financial capital
and intellectual capital is never enough to guarantee success regardless of the sums involved.
Equally, no matter how highly qualified and talented the individuals they hire promise to be
or how great the ideas and concepts they may be able to create – these decidedly important
factors will never be enough to guarantee success. The more acceptable and caring face of
capitalism, as it were, now requires our leaders to also cultivate their ‘human capital’ and
treat ‘emotional capital’ as another vital asset necessary to recruit, nurture, motivate and
above all, retain good people.
It’s not just a matter of perception; emotional capital is now seen as a very real factor in
company performance. Inadequate emotional capital can result in poor staff relations, weak
teamwork and less effective client and customer relations. Good emotional capital, on the
other hand, promotes greater emotional intelligence and the ability for people to think
and feel in a positive way. Significantly, this results in improved communications and higher
motivation levels within the organisation.
There’s no doubt about it, the more engaged and the more motivated people are, the better
the health and wealth of companies and corporations.
The impact of human capital on the bottom line, along with a better understanding of
what motivates people, may allow the way companies do business to be seen in a better
light. Here, Human Resources, Mentoring Professionals and Company Mentoring Schemes
can all play a major role.

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Managing human capital more effectively is one aspect with the focus on recruiting,
incentivising, training and retaining the best, and making sure people value and respect
the brand and organisation they work for. Nurturing and growing talent and recognising
the emotional and intellectual investment made by individuals are both equally significant.
How does a company prevent talented people from being poached? How can they attract
the best people? How do they set about offering an attractive work-life balance?
Everyone knows that go-getters are at their best when they can maximise their skills, interests
and potential. People like to feel they are able to contribute and genuinely make a difference
given the opportunity to shine.
It seems that being treated well within the company is emerging as a top priority for employees
and specifically, for them to function at their most productive they wish to feel cared for
and have their efforts acknowledged. Whether it’s recognition from the boss or their line
manager or a boost from team members, people naturally react favourably to reassurance,
praise and encouragement, all of which helps improve their professional development.
So, one of the big commercial challenges is to engage both the ‘emotion’ and ‘intellect’ of
people by establishing, building and maintaining well-structured and effectively managed
relationships in the work place. It’s fundamental to the productivity, performance and
ultimate success of the business.
These days many regard creating and nurturing emotional capital as the very heart and
soul of building a sound, secure and successful enterprise.

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Summary: What is Emotional Capital?
Definition (b.net.com)
Importance of caring for people/impact on business success
Need to add Human Capital to Financial and Intellectual Capital
Investing in Emotional Capital vital to recruit, nurture, motivate and retain people
Low emotional capital means poor staff and customer relations/weak teamwork
High emotional capital improves emotional intelligence/positive thinking
HR and Mentoring Professionals play important roles
The importance of effective management to recruit, incentivise and retain the best
The need to nurture and grow talent/Recognise people’s emotional investment and
intellectual contribution
People work best maximising their skills, interests and potential – to contribute, make a
difference and find opportunities to shine
Creating and nurturing emotional capital is heart and soul of good business
2.2 WHY EMOTIONAL CAPITAL IS SUCH A VALUABLE ASSET

In today’s pressured business environment, organisations understand they must be more
sensitive to the needs of their people – help is often required to cope with the pace of
change or the individual’s need to learn, develop and improve their effectiveness within
the organisation.
Now companies need to make sure their employees are engaged emotionally and intellectually
to help build loyalty and retain those talented individuals who are the life blood of any
successful operation. High on the agenda, then, is the task of understanding and effectively
managing the company’s emotional capital.
Fostering good communications to help build sound interactive relationships and encouraging
inspired leadership by people who can act as positive role models are all vital components
of any go-ahead organisation and the well-being of the people who work for it.
Providing a challenging, productive atmosphere and a creative, caring culture will help drive
motivation and increase the performance of everyone involved. But work isn’t just about
skills and performance; any organisation that recognises the need for its people to build
their emotional intelligence levels and puts the right strategies and tools in place, will
strengthen its overall emotional capital.

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The concept works for clients and customers too – an organisation’s ethos, reputation and
culture are of prime interest to clued-up consumers all over the globe. So many companies
and corporations fall under media scrutiny and the all-knowing global digital community that
it’s impossible to avoid opinions being shared about any and every aspect of the organisation.
Another reason why companies are keen to offer coaching and mentoring support both
inside and outside the business to help build and protect their reputation and image.
More and more, organisations large and small are running their own in-house mentoring
schemes. Mentoring is seen as a key component for any company that wants to offer its
people the right level of support and guidance to help them reach their potential and ensure
their fulfilment and well-being.
Many CEOs and senior executives believe that high levels of Emotional Capital make the
difference between business failure and success; they appreciate that a good mentoring scheme
can play a pivotal role in helping to build this intangible but high-value asset.
Summary: Why Emotional Capital is a Valuable Asset
The need to understand and effectively manage human capital

People want help to cope with pace of change and need to learn and develop
Improves effectiveness within organisation
Builds loyalty and retains talented people
Fosters good communications/sound relationships/inspires leadership
Provides challenging productive environment
Caring creative culture will drive motivation and commitment
Work isn’t only about skills and performance
Increased emotional intelligence strengthens emotional capital
Mentoring helps support people and maximise potential
Good emotional capital can make the difference between business failure and success
Effective mentoring helps build this intangible high-value asset
2.3 HOW MENTORING HELPS

Mentors can help people within the organisation cope with the pace of change as well as
facilitate their learning and development needs. Effective mentors understand the importance
of keeping people loyal and encouraging and nurturing talent. They also know the value of
building lasting relationships within the company.

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One of the key benefits of mentoring from the company’s view point is that it helps its
managers maintain a productive and creative corporate culture which will in turn deliver
improved performance from its people. Mentoring will also increase trust and respect for
the organisation, helping individuals to think more about positive career options and how
to make progress within the organisation.
Part of the mentor’s role is understanding what makes each individual tick; once they have
acquired a clearer vision of how to help each mentee feel more fully engaged emotionally
and intellectually, mentors can also see what’s needed to drive motivation and gain more
fulfilment from work.
Mentoring is evidently a powerful personal and professional development tool for any
company to use to help their people feel more empowered and confident. A good mentoring
partnership is a proven way of helping individuals to increase their potential and skills
development. During the process effective solutions can be found to solve both career and
personal issues; and ways can be found to counteract stress and pressure by recognising
problems and meeting them head on.
Mentoring has a key role to play in building the emotional intelligence of individuals
and thereby contributing to the emotional capital of the organisation. The importance of
emotional intelligence and the key skills involved – self-awareness, self-management, social
awareness and relationship management – is covered in the next chapter.
Summary: How Mentoring Helps
Copes with pace of change/facilitates development needs

Increases loyalty/nurtures talent/builds productive and lasting relationships
Contributes to productive and creative corporate culture
Improves business performance and increases trust and respect
Helps individuals plan career progression
Offers closer understanding of what makes people tick
Makes people more emotionally and intellectually engaged
Drives motivation to gain greater fulfilment
Offers a powerful personal and professional tool
Empowers and builds confidence/Increases potential and develops skills
Helps find solutions for career and personal issues and meets problems head on
Counteracts stress and pressure
Plays key role in building emotional intelligence and contributing to organisation’s emotional capital

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MENTORING AT WORK Emotional Intelligence
3 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
3.1 EI TOGETHER WITH IQ = WISDOM
In a highly competitive jobs market, the skills you need to survive and succeed are changing.
Businesses are beginning to realise that it requires more than just intellectual ability or
technical know-how for people to thrive at work. In other words, there are different ways
of being smart.
Personal qualities like initiative, empathy, adaptability and persuasiveness are now highly
rated and understanding how to cultivate these qualities within people is essential for the
success of an organisation.
The name for these human talents is emotional

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one of the most influential authors on the subject; Emotional Intelligence (EI) describes
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the ability, capacity, skill and self-perception to identify, assess and manage the emotions
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The main EI competencies are demonstrated via self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation,

empathy, social awareness and relationship management. It’s not surprising that emotional
intelligence in individuals and organisations is emerging as a vital ingredient in the mix for
improving the company’s competitive edge.
See Diagram 3.1 The Five EI Competencies.
EI can be seen as distinct but complementary to academic intelligence and cognitive capacity,
which are both generally measured by what we know as IQ. To achieve good levels of EI,
it’s a question of developing the right blend of IQ, intellectual, human and technical skills
that really counts. EI helps provide us with a vital key to self-knowledge and how to access
our personal feelings and abilities. Once we understand these better, we can discern the
difference and draw on them to help guide our behaviour positively and achieve the best
results and outcomes.
Broadly speaking, Emotional Intelligence adds those hard-to-define qualities that allow us
to be more fully ‘human’. Some simply describe it as ‘bringing intelligence to emotion’.
EI refers to the capacity we all have for being in tune with our own feelings and sensing
the feelings of others; the way we react to situations controls our motivation; and how we
manage the many and frequently complex emotions we experience within ourselves and in
our relationships with others.
At the heart of good EI is self-knowledge; having the ability to know your own feelings
and draw on your emotions positively to guide and improve your behaviour. EI helps you
demonstrate sound social skills and develop the leadership instincts to inspire and guide
individuals and groups. It also enables you to nurture relationships and keep friends and
gives you the know-how to help resolve conflicts.
A good mentor will always aim to help explore and improve the emotional intelligence of
the individuals they are mentoring. They will understand how much more successful you
can be if you can be helped to boost your existing skills, experience, training and know-how
with improved EI, rather than solely relying on your intellectual and technical capabilities.
Adding this particular talent to understand others better and bring out the best in people
and, through that knowledge, being able to work more co-operatively and productively
with them, is a huge bonus.

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SELF-
AWARENESS
SELF-
KNOWLEDGE
SELF-
REGULATION
RELATIONSHIP
MOTIVATION
MANAGEMENT
Guide behaviour
Handle complex
positively
emotions
Achieve best
Develop Leadership
results and
skills to inspire and
outcomes
guide
EMPATHY
SOCIAL AWARENESS Tune-in to personal
Develop social skills feelings and feelings of
Nurture relationships others Increase
Resolve conflicts adaptability Improve
persuasiveness
Diagram 3.1 THE FIVE EI COMPETENCIES
Summary – What is Emotional Intelligence?
EI + IQ = Wisdom
Different way of being smart
Importance of initiative, empathy, adaptability and persuasiveness
These talents are called Emotional Intelligence
The main EI competencies:

Self-awareness and self-regulation; empathy and social awareness; managing relationships
IQ measures academic intelligence and cognitive capacities

Importance of adding EI to the mix
EI brings intelligence to emotion
Good EI:
Helps you know yourself better
Develops sound social skills
Encourages leadership instincts
Enables you to inspire and guide individuals and groups
Helps nurture relationships and keep friends
Gives you know-how to resolve conflicts
Good mentors aim to improve your EI

Bonus of adding EI to your skills set

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3.2 WHY EI IS IMPORTANT TO THE SAVVY EMPLOYER

In short, Emotional Intelligence is all about knowing and understanding your emotions
and learning how to manage them better. Recognising a wide range of emotions can help
us gain a fuller understanding of our motivation and, making full use of this knowledge,
enable us to handle our relationships, both personal and professional, more effectively.
Improved self-awareness and self-regulation are part of the essential social skills set that EI
teaches us, as well as adopting greater empathy and a clearer understanding of our own and
other people’s reasoning and actions.
Through learning about ourselves and building a more accurate picture we can use that more
discerning self-portrait to operate more effectively in life. When we can see ourselves more
clearly, we’re able to improve our interpersonal intelligence levels and through that greater
understanding, we can appreciate what makes other people tick and what motivates them.
This in turn allows us to work better and co-operate more with individuals and teams alike.
To sum-up, the main framework of EI competences include:
Self-Awareness – Knowing what we are feeling in the moment and using this information
to guide decision-making. Being able to assess of our own abilities more realistically, and
develop a well-grounded sense of self-confidence.
Self-Regulation – Handling our emotions so that they facilitate rather than interfere with
the task at hand; being focussed and putting aside distractions and indulgences in order to
pursue and achieve goals; recovering well from any emotional upsets.
Motivation – Using our positive inclinations to move and guide us toward our goals; taking
the initiative and pressing on regardless of any setbacks.
Empathy – Sensing what other people are feeling, being able to understand their perspective
and cultivating good rapport with a wide range of personalities.
Social Skills – Handling emotions in relationships well and being able to read social situations
correctly; ensuring we interact smoothly with others and use our skills to persuade, lead,
and negotiate to enhance co-operation and team play.

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It seems that many employers are looking as much for the qualities in people described
here, as they are for academic and technical skills. Today’s savvy employer is often keen
to take on people who can learn on the job and who therefore have good listening and
communication skills.
Most companies want to feel that the people they employ are ambitious and will take pride
in what they can accomplish. They are looking for the right individuals who they believe can
be most effective within their organisation and who actively want to make a contribution.
Being adaptable and responsive to setbacks and obstacles is also rated, as is confidence,
motivation and commitment to work towards achieving goals. Group and interpersonal
relationships is equally important: it matters that you are perceived to be a good team player,
able to co-operate with a whole range of personality types, and with strong leadership potential.
So, all these qualities sought by today’s organisations can be enhanced by improving your
emotional intelligence. The good news is that with a little help, you can boost your own
EI skills relatively easily, as unlike IQ, EI is mostly learned and can be cultivated in people.
That is why it is high on any mentor’s agenda as, by helping individuals increase their
EI levels, they know it will also add value to the organisation, help the mentee’s career
development and contribute to their ultimate success.

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Summary – Why EI is important to the Savvy Employer
Learn how to manage emotions better

Ability to handle relationships more effectively
Understanding ourselves helps in understanding others
Main framework of EI Competences:

Self-Awareness
Self-Regulation
Motivation
Empathy
Social Skills
Employers seek people with good EI

Aspiring and effective people are rated more highly
Improving EI enhances many skills including:
Adaptability
Motivation
Working towards goals
Creative solution finding
Responding to setbacks
Increased self-confidence
Enhances team playing abilities
Improves leadership capabilities
EI can be learned and cultivated in people

High-ranking on Mentor’s agenda

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MENTORING AT WORK What do People Want from Work?
4 WHAT DO PEOPLE WANT

FROM WORK?
4.1 EVERYONE IS AN INDIVIDUAL
There are many different benefits and values that people want from work. Although everyone
is different and their needs and expectations vary and may change over time, there are
certain fundamentals they will expect the organisation they work for to provide and some
core values they will find essential in order to function well.
The impact of global technology has dramatically changed the working landscape and
securing the best people is vital for any organisation. It’s increasingly important for HR
to ensure that their company is perceived as a good and caring employer and one that is
prepared to help develop the individual’s skills as well as offering a clear and progressive
career path. Therefore, communicating to would-be employees that an effective In-House
Mentoring Programme is available; can be a key factor.
If companies ensure that most of the elements people are looking for are in place, not
only will it greatly add to the confidence and self-belief of individuals and improve their
capabilities but it is also of huge value to the organisation. A business that builds, maintains
and manages good working relationships within the organisation and demonstrates effective
leadership, will generally find its people more loyal and more productive.
When people are helped to play to their strengths and feel that they are able to make a
real contribution, they are often more engaged and enthusiastic about their role and their
future within a firm. It all adds up to that vital sense of belonging.
For most of us, work is not just about money, achievement and performance; it’s a place
where we can build relationships and friendships and hopefully, discover role models, it’s
somewhere to express our personalities and creativity, communicate our thoughts and beliefs
and, sometimes, allow ourselves to reveal our true characters and sense of humour.
It can also be a valuable place of learning and development and, at its best, an environment
in which we can find satisfaction, fulfilment, stimulation and excitement, together with a
level of security and contentment in our lives.
Good productive people are a vital element of any successful business. They are also often
a company’s biggest investment and, at times, its biggest headache!

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That’s why it’s a good thing to learn as much as possible about people, especially the most
talented and sometimes the most demanding individuals, what makes them tick and how
to bring out the best in them. Managing talent at any level, particularly senior executives,
is an integral part of coping with the constant development of a company and dealing with
the continuing changes and upheavals in the business environment.
Without knowing just how good people are and how they can best progress, it is difficult
to accurately predict how achievable the goals are that are set for them. So, recognising each
person’s individuality, allowing for differences and catering for many personality types, is
essential to the success of a forward-thinking organisation aiming to get the best from its
people. One size certainly doesn’t fit all!
The sheer pace of business and the increasing demands it makes on the individual, leaves
little time for their personal development. Failure to spot and develop potential can be costly.
Effective mentoring can make a tangible contribution to the organisation’s performance as
well as building the capabilities and well-being of employees.
Summary: Everyone is an individual
Everyone has individual needs and expectations from work

People look for different benefits and core values
When needs are met – confidence and capabilities increase
People are more loyal and productive when businesses build good work relationships and
demonstrate effective leadership
Sense of belonging is increased when people feel they make a contribution
Relationships made at work are important to people
Value of workplace for learning and development
People can be the biggest investment and the biggest headache!
Importance of managing talent
Work can help people find security, satisfaction, fulfilment and contentment
Need to know individual’s capabilities in order to set and progress achievable goals
Forward thinking companies get the best from people by recognising individuality
Pace of business/increasing demands leaves little time for personal development
Failure to develop people can be costly
Mentoring makes real contribution to performance and well-being of employees
4.2 KEY VALUES AND FACTORS AT WORK

It’s important that an individual’s professional needs and values are recognised and met in
the work place as, at some point, issues will arise that require those needs or values to be
both assessed and addressed.

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Each person will rate certain values as highly important, if not critical to their well-being
and progress. Factors they may find essential can include feeling valued, respected and
appreciated; being recognised, encouraged and supported; as well as being fairly treated
and well rewarded. Many people will rate honesty, trust, openness and fairness at the top
of their list of requirements; others may see challenge, change or even being taken out of
their comfort zone as a priority.
Some people crave independence and freedom and feel they thrive best by making the
most of their creativity and individuality. Or perhaps intellectual stimulation and attractive
career opportunities are the essential ingredients. Also, making a contribution or making
a difference may be high on the agenda as well as their opinion of the company’s image,
ethos and reputation.
Most people love to learn and will welcome opportunities for professional and personal
development or training. They usually want to be stimulated and motivated as well as achieve
great results. Some prefer to work under close supervision, realistic deadlines and avoid
undue pressure. Good leadership, a sense of direction and achievement as well as attaining
a good work/life balance can be equally important. A person may well rate working as part
of a team high on their list of ‘must-haves’, or maybe it’s the length of the commute to
work that matters or their work environment.
There are also those individuals who look for excitement and fun at work and wish to
socialise with their colleagues outside the workplace.
As far as work values are concerned, all of these aspects (and of course there will be others
too) come into play. There are various professionals who may become involved in the process
of finding out what motivates individuals and whether or not their needs and values are
being met through their work. Mentoring can play a significant role here.
Without doubt, an organisation that is willing to nurture people and appreciate their values
will find itself best placed to maintain loyalty and commitment. Companies that care about
and invest in the well-being of their employees will find that it helps build emotional
intelligence and improves the performance of their workforce in the process.
Providing a favourable and appealing work environment for employees at all levels will help
any venture not only enhance their reputation and gain greater respect but also attract and
keep the best and brightest people. For any organisation, employing the right individuals
and holding on to them, is key to their success.

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In a nutshell, any company known to offer an effective In-House Mentoring Scheme will
be seen in a more favourable light by prospective and current employees.
Summary: Key Values and Factors at Work
It’s important to understand different needs and values of the individual:
Being valued, respected and appreciated

Recognised, valued and supported
Fairly treated and well rewarded
Honesty, trust, openness and fairness
Challenge, change, being taken out of their comfort zone
Independence, freedom, creativity, individuality
Intellectual stimulation and career path
Making a contribution or difference
Company image, ethos, reputation
Professional and personal development and training
Stimulation, motivation, achieving great results
Supervision, workable deadlines, no pressure
Leadership, direction, achievement
Work/Life balance
Working in a team
Journey to work, environment
Excitement, fun and social life
Mentoring can help identify individuals’ motivation

Mentors can assess if peoples’ needs and values are being met
Nurturing encourages loyalty
Companies offering in-house mentoring have the advantage
Investing in employees’ well-being increases emotional intelligence and performance
Providing good work environment improves organisations’ reputation
Key element of any company’s success is attracting and keeping best people
Mentoring deals with and helps meet the needs and values of individuals in the workplace

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MENTORING AT WORK The Mentoring Process
5 THE MENTORING PROCESS

5.1 HOW MENTORING DIFFERS FROM COACHING OR TRAINING
There is some debate about the definition and differences between coaching and mentoring.
“Unlocking a person’s potential to maximise their own performance. Helping them to learn
rather than teaching them” is one definition of coaching the well-respected, professional
author and coach, Tim Gallwey, offers.
“Coaches set specific goals and objectives, see what you need to do to achieve them and
work with you on target setting, professional and personal development, expansion of
your skills base and offer practical advice and guidance” says Impact Factory, a successful
coaching organisation.
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24
So is there a real difference between mentoring and coaching? There probably is no definitive
answer, as a coach can be a mentor and a mentor can be a coach. If anything, a coach
will be more focussed on goals and performance and tend to err on the side of neutrality,
plus they may not necessarily have any particular knowledge or experience of their client’s
industry or profession.
Whilst both coaches and mentors offer a partnership based on mutual trust and respect
and will aim to help individuals see the bigger picture and give unbiased support and
guidance; mentors tend to lead by example and act more as role models. They usually
have specific knowledge and relevant experience at a senior level of the mentee’s industry
and their position and responsibilities within it. A mentor will also be prepared to share
their personal experience and make use of information and data appropriate to a particular
mentoring context as well as offering valuable insight and inspiration. And this all adds up
to something very valuable: sharing wisdom.
Here’s author, academic and mentoring consultant, David Clutterbuck’s view of mentoring:
“Off-line help by one person to another in making significant transitions in knowledge,
work or thinking.”
What this particular definition makes clear is that Mentoring could never replace a Line
Manager’s role and is carried out best ‘off-line’; a mentor will never initiate or set development
goals or provide feedback or appraisal of the mentee’s performance.
Perhaps it’s best summed up by author, mentor and coach, Eric Parsloe’s definition of
Mentoring (already mentioned in the opening chapter):
“To support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may
maximise their potential, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the
person they want to be”
Compare this with his definition of Coaching:
“A process that enables learning and development to occur and thus, performance to improve.
To be a successful coach requires knowledge and understanding of the process as well as
the variety of styles, skills and techniques that are appropriate to the context in which the
coaching takes place.”

25
Another point of difference between coaching and mentoring is probably the emphasis
given to the level of responsibility that’s expected from the Mentee to manage their own
learning. Mentees not only assume responsibility for managing the process to ensure that it
furthers their personal and professional growth but they are also encouraged to take charge
of driving the mentoring relationship.
Also in the Coach’s case, emphasis is given to their knowledge and understanding of the
coaching process and the many styles, skills and techniques required – a Mentor does not
have to be trained as a Coach and will not rely on a number of set techniques, skills or styles.
Of course nothing is completely black and white, but before commencing the mentoring
process, mentees will generally have a pretty clear idea of what their goals are and what
they want to achieve. From the coaches’ perspective, these are key areas they may choose
to invest a great deal of their expertise and time exploring with an individual before taking
the coaching process further.
With mentoring, it’s the mentee who defines the relationship albeit with the mentor’s
help and guidance; both parties share a common purpose and responsibility in developing
an effective two-way learning relationship. The aim of mentoring is to build the mentee’s
capabilities and provide them with positive developmental activities. It may also involve the
discussion of current issues relating to company business and talking through the way the
organisation works, the various challenges and opportunities the mentee may encounter as
well as offering insights about informal networking opportunities within the company. In
these aspects alone, mentoring is quite different from coaching or training.
Training concentrates on the transmission of knowledge and skills and is different because
those involved will implicitly follow the trainer’s agenda. This may involve learning about
changes in procedures, new systems or new job functions. Training programmes are often
generic and not generally tailored to individual needs. Those involved in these more
conventional courses usually complete standard modules with little room to take into account
their existing knowledge, skills or preferences.
Trainers will inevitably be experts in their particular field and they will work with individuals
to achieve known and recognisable outcomes. A coach’s role is to facilitate a process and they
will work to their client’s agenda and, although they are an expert too, it’s in the process
itself not content. And just like mentoring, coaching outcomes are undefinable.

26
The essential point, regardless of definitions, is that when you are looking for help with
your personal or professional development, you get to determine exactly what your needs
are and ensure whoever you chose to help will be able to give you what you require.
There are so many benefits to be gained from training, from coaching and from mentoring…
the advantage is that it’s you who gets to choose!
Summary: How Mentoring Differs From Coaching or Training
Coaches likely to be more neutral and focussed on goals and performance

Mentors have specific knowledge/relevant experience of mentee’s industry and role
Mentors share personal experiences and data/information
Mentors always offer insights and inspiration and share wisdom
Coaches require specific knowledge/understanding of coaching process and are trained to
use different styles, skills and techniques
Mentors emphasise need for mentee to take responsibility to manage own learning
Mentees are encouraged to drive and define a mentoring relationship
Mentors may discuss company business and issues and culture within the organisation
Training follows trainer’s agenda and uses existing training programmes/modules
Training aims to achieve known and recognisable outcomes
Remember, it’s you who determine what your needs are and choose the help you need
Mentoring, Coaching and Training all offer valuable benefits
5.2 HOW MENTORING HELPS PEOPLE

Providing an effective Mentoring Scheme at the work place is a highly effective tool to help
organisations engage the emotions and the intellect of their executives. Mentoring explores
and expands an individual’s potential and helps mentees develop their existing skills as well
as learning new ones.
A good mentor can help an individual identify problem areas and deal with them effectively,
as well as increasing self-belief and confidence along the way. Offering an insight into the
causes of poor performance and finding the right strategies to overcome difficulties is part
of the process that will, over time, enhance the individual’s development.
Mentoring also provides a safe environment that allows people to ‘let off steam’ when
necessary and meet their issues head on. This can be really helpful all round and may well
be just what’s needed to nip in the bud a potentially annoying situation that’s begun to rile
the mentee. Simply talking about it with a mentor can be enough to overcome the problem
and look at things more objectively to see the issue in proportion.

27
Most people find that through mentoring, they are able to refresh flagging motivation and,
at the same time, regain greater loyalty and commitment to their organisation. Having time
to think and reflect about their role and assess development opportunities, often encourages
a mentee to break new ground with their mentor and allow them to consider a positive
change of direction.
Mentoring provides a great opportunity to build emotional intelligence levels within both
individuals and teams; this is vital for achieving the goals and targets that will ensure
successful outcomes for the organisation and its people.
Summary: How Mentoring Helps People
Builds loyalty and motivation

Enhances performance
Offers valuable insights
Develops existing skills/develops new skills
Explores and builds potential
Helps make positive change
Recognises, identifies and deals with problems
Gives a suitable platform to let off steam
Chance to break new ground/change direction
Meets issues head on
Builds emotional intelligence within individuals and teams
Increases self-belief and confidence
Helps achieve successful outcomes for organisation and employees
5.3 WHAT EFFECTIVE MENTORING INVOLVES

Mentors should first establish a clear understanding of the roles of both mentor and mentee.
Both parties need a good grasp of the ground rules, especially concerning confidentiality
and boundaries.
It goes without saying that anything your mentee discloses to you during a session must
remain completely confidential – this is vital in the workplace where many people including
senior management, line managers, members of the same team and individuals who report
to them, will all know and work with your mentee.

28
However, there are occasions when it may be necessary to share certain confidential
information, always with the permission and knowledge of your mentee. This is covered in
some detail in Chapter 9 ‘Mentor Training’ 9.5 ‘Maintaining Confidentiality’.
Building good rapport is essential as well as identifying, setting and achieving goals. Once that
initial rapport has been established and things can get going, the direction the relationship
will take can be set and goals and priorities agreed. The next step is to evaluate goals and
explore as many options as possible. The process will focus on achieving those goals and
part of successful mentoring is to ensure that enough progress is always being made as the
relationship continues to move forward at a satisfactory pace.
The mentoring relationship needs to be managed effectively and this also means managing
the expectations of both parties. It’s essential that progress is regularly reviewed and that
areas of success are evaluated and acknowledged. Chapter 6 ‘Being a Mentor’ covers all the
above points in some detail.
Mentors also need to know when it’s necessary to seek assistance outside the mentoring
relationship and this sensitive area is discussed fully in the next chapter.
See Diagram 5.3 UNDERSTANDING THE MENTORING PROCESS

29
Understanding Understanding
Mentoring + Your Role
Building Rapport
Getting things
going & managing
expectations
Moving On Setting Direction

Assessing success Agreeing goals
Partnership ends Exploring issues
Making Progress
Managing the
relationship
Reviewing goals
Seeking Help
If problems arise &
outside assistance
is needed

30
Summary: What Effective Mentoring Involves:
Understanding roles of both mentor and mentee

Establishing the ground rules
Clear understanding about confidentiality and boundaries
Building rapport to get things going
Managing expectations
Setting direction and agreeing goals and priorities
Evaluating goals and options
Focussing on achieving goals
Making progress and managing the relationship
Seeking assistance when necessary
Moving forward and reviewing progress
5.4 MENTORING: THE MAIN BENEFITS

Apart from guiding individuals in their personal and professional development, mentoring
sends a positive message to everyone working in an organisation as it builds trust and respect
for all those involved. It also helps incentivise and encourage talented people to stay with a
company when they feel valued and are encouraged to achieve their full potential.
It’s an opportunity for mentees to gain access to a broader network of individuals who possess
valuable knowledge which will help them increase their understanding of the organisation’s
culture, values and management style.
It’s an empowering process for everyone as it helps build trust and partnerships within
the company, and it’s likely to increase commitment and motivation for both mentors
and mentees.
At its best, mentoring promotes the desire to acquire skills and provides an additional forum
to complement learning on the job and formal training initiatives. Mentoring can provide
valuable feedback for the mentee about the way their career is progressing and this, in turn,
can challenge their thinking and any assumptions they may have made. A good mentor can
also help an individual accept the negative feedback they are bound to receive from time
to time and manage it more constructively.

31
As well as an opportunity to share best practice, mentoring will enhance the mentor’s
leadership and ‘coaching’ skills and enable them to relate this to their own personal and
professional development plans.
Summary: Mentoring: The Main Benefits
Positive message throughout an organisation

Builds trust and respect for people and the organisation
Helps incentivise people to stay with the company
Builds personal and professional development
Empowering for all involved
Access to broader networks and knowledge
Accelerates development of individual’s potential
Skills forum complementing on-the-job learning and training initiatives
Offers feedback on career progress
Enhances mentors leadership and ‘coaching’ skills
Opportunity to share best practice
Increases commitment
Challenges thinking and assumptions
Encourages motivation to learn
Helps manage critical feedback more constructively

32
MENTORING AT WORK Becoming a Mentor
6 BECOMING A MENTOR
6.1 SPECIFIC QUALITIES OF A GOOD MENTOR
There are many qualities and characteristics that help a good mentor become an exemplary
one. It goes without saying that anyone considering becoming a mentor must have integrity,
honesty and be completely trustworthy. To be most effective, however, a genuine interest
in others and what makes people tick, is probably at the top of the list. It also helps if you
are the kind of person who can instinctively allow others enough space to talk, whether it’s
about themselves or simply expressing thoughts and opinions.
A good mentor will probably have an innate talent to listen attentively when engaging
in conversation with others. The ability to build and develop relationships and establish
good levels of empathy and rapport along the way, with a variety of people from different
backgrounds, age groups and ethnicities, are all prerequisites of the mentor’s mix.
For mentoring to work at its best, it makes sense for any would-be mentor to have had
more life and work experience than the prospective mentee. To share your knowledge and
wisdom, you’ll need to be able to think outside your own life and work experience and not
necessarily base all your feedback on your own set of personal involvements, encounters
and events.
A good level of self-knowledge and awareness of your good and bad points and a keen
kind of alertness will press an alarm bell when for example, something your mentee may
say provokes a knee-jerk reaction. The key thing in these instances is to make sure you
instantly nip your reaction in the bud, (before it shows!) and always try your best to give
your mentee a more considered response. This is part of your emotional intelligence skill
set that you will need to develop and draw on in your role as Mentor.
Undoubtedly, there will be occasions when you get a gut feeling about something that
may be happening with your mentee, without them directly volunteering any information.
Sometimes, having the courage to take a chance and go with your instincts can produce a
valuable breakthrough. As a fellow professional once shrewdly put it “Have the courage to
fail”; this is sound advice in the right circumstances, provided you have first assessed the
situation to the best of your ability and you feel you are making the right call.

33
Since a mentor always aims to act as a role model, doing your best to be seen as a confident,
empathetic and outgoing person is essential if your mentee is to respect you and take your
feedback and observations seriously. It’s beneficial, too, if you have a natural preference for
developing individuals rather than teaching them as this allows your mentee to take more
responsibility for their own progress.
Remember your role is not to hand-hold or give gentle ‘parental-style’ guidance. For your
mentee to get the most from the process, you need to make it clear that they must be
prepared to take overall responsibility for their own development. It won’t work as well
as it should if the mentee begins to see these sessions as an opportunity to make endless
check lists of ideas and actions that you lay down for them – a basic ‘to do’ list that just
gets updated each time you meet. Your mentee must ‘own’ every idea and action that is
agreed between you and fully understand that it’s down to them to ensure things move
ahead effectively to achieve their goals.
On a more practical note, whilst you may believe you are more than willing to invest the
necessary time, it’s advisable to ensure your own busy timetable can be organised in such a
way that you feel completely relaxed about the hours you will need to set aside for the process.
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34
You also need to be aware that significant events can and do happen in between sessions and
your mentee may well need urgent feedback from you as and when these occasions arise.
Whilst face to face meetings aren’t necessarily called for; being available and responsive by
phone and email is very much part of your commitment to them.
Summary: Specific Mentoring Qualities
Integrity
Honesty
Trustworthiness
Curiosity and interest in others
Effective relationship building
Empathy
Attentive and sympathetic listener
Self-awareness
Keen self-knowledge – the good and the bad
Prepared to act as role model
Able to share knowledge and wisdom
Confidence and courage
Sharing useful life and work experience
Preference for developing rather than teaching
Feeling relaxed about investing enough time
Being available in between sessions when the need arises
6.2 THE SKILLS REQUIRED

Knowing how to establish empathy and rapport within a fairly short time of first meeting
someone will help you get the mentoring relationship off to a good start.
Actively listening and focusing on what your mentee is actually saying, being sure to check
you’ve fully understood and can summarise what’s been said; and playing it back to them
in their own words, are all a vital part of the process. Taking the time with your mentee to
go through your understanding of what you believe they have told you and being careful
to double check this information to be sure you’ve fully comprehended their situation, is
essential. If there’s any doubt in your mind, you can always ask them to think carefully
about everything that’s been said, to be certain they have expressed themselves clearly and
you have fully understood them.

35
A combination of a healthy curiosity and interest in people and the knack of asking the
right kind of questions to tease out valuable background will inform your mentoring session
and help make good progress. Your job is to facilitate the mentee’s ability to express what
they really mean and what they truly want – and avoid making any assumptions.
Effective questioning is quite a skill and practice may not make you perfect, but it will
help you as you gain more experience and get a feel for using the right questions at the
right moment. You do need to be keenly aware of how your mentee is responding to your
questioning style at all times and to feel sure it’s working well for both of you. If you have
any doubts, then try to take a different tack as quickly as you can in order to maintain
progress and gain a better response.
Any useful information you may know about the mentee or their background will help
inform your questions and, making use of an effective questioning tool such as the GROW
model, (The GROW Model including a guide to example questions, is covered in some
detail in Chapter 10 Mentoring Tools 10.2) really will assist you. GROW explores your
mentee’s Goals and ambitions, gives them a valuable Reality check about where they feel
they are right now, (with any given issue or situation); looks at all the Options available
to achieve their aims and nails down the steps to take for the best Way Forward.
There are times when a mentee will benefit from being challenged and you’ll need to be
aware of those moments and be prepared to ask those tough and searching questions that
will allow your mentee to dig deep and respond accordingly. Questioning their assumptions
and making them face up to certain things in a realistic way is a good thing but you will
need to be sure you maintain that all-important rapport when things get more demanding
or problematic for the mentee. The payoff is that key breakthroughs are often achieved at
these more testing times.
To balance these more difficult periods, you will probably need to be particularly empathetic
and sensitive and always actively encourage your mentee to take the time they need to reflect
on what’s been discussed between the two of you, after the session is over. Then you can
revisit the issue the next time you meet to discover what conclusions, if any, your mentee
has come to during the break between sessions.
This is a very important part of any mentoring programme – as allowing them sufficient
time and space to think and form their own take on any of the issues you have uncovered,
without your influence, is vital. Reflecting on what has been discussed, reaching their own
conclusions and making their own decisions can be one key to the success of the process.

36
It is vital to be supportive during and after meetings – this will be verbal and non-verbal at
meetings and afterwards, by phone or email contact to see how they are getting on. Try to
be non-judgemental, tolerant and open-minded at all times whatever your mentee chooses
to tell you. We are all very different and it’s highly likely that some of the information you
learn or the views that are expressed will not always sit that comfortably with your own
preferences, tastes and values.
A good, active listener willing to explore a wide range of opportunities beyond their own
experience who is also prepared to give honest feedback, both positive and critical, is better
placed to develop a successful relationship.
Demonstrating enthusiasm for a range of topics your mentee will bring to your meetings
and being positive and upbeat with your responses, will also help fire them up. During
those times when your mentee may be struggling and going through the ups and downs
of their mentoring journey, a mentor who can remain calm and positive, encouraging and
supportive, is at their most valued.
You’ll need to be trusting as well as trusted; you must be able to allow your mentee the
freedom to make their own mistakes and believe they will have enough common sense to be
aware when a particular course of action may not be working as well for them as it could.
Although willing to share wisdom and knowledge, to be of most use to your mentee, you
also have to think beyond your own experience and solutions. Helping them think outside
the box and create fresh perspectives and horizons for themselves is all part of the process.
Always encourage them to be curious and observant and be sure they look for opportunities
themselves that will help develop their own abilities or career path at work.
Choosing the right times to share experiences, talking about factual issues and opening up
about your feelings, if you are comfortable in doing so, will encourage openness between
the two of you and an atmosphere in which your mentee is more prepared to make their
own disclosures. Don’t forget that there may be times when you may be challenged by your
mentee about what you do and how you approach things too. An open response and the
willingness to admit you are not perfect and not always right, will gain the most respect!
Honesty, candour and the ability to manage expectations (and provide a reality check as
and when necessary), are all valuable to your mentee. Sometimes simply being aware when
your mentee may require additional resources and finding ways to ensure they get them,
can be really helpful.

37
Lastly, a good dose of common sense, an awareness of the nuts and bolts of what’s required,
the ability to identify your mentee’s needs and the willingness to invest sufficient time to
the process, should all help complete your mentoring skills set.
See Diagram 6.2 Six Phases of the Mentoring Relationship.
FIRST MEETING
Scheduling initial ‘get to know’ session
Building rapport and trust
Clarifying expectations
Respecting confidentiality
Establishing the Ground Rules
Gaining Mentee’s full commitment
Confirming Mentor’s commitment
EXPLORING REACHING AGREEING THE REWIEWING

GOALS UNDERSTANDING ACTION PLAN PROGRESS
Assessing the Acting as Role Model Finding best options Recognising
current situation Sharing experience and solutions to achievements
Using skilful Learning about attain goals Maintaining active
questions Mentee’s back story Fixing the Timetable dialogue
Actively listening Encouraging Monitoring progress Adjusting goals and
Giving honest openness Overcoming setting new
feedback Respecting obstacles and objectives if
Challenging boundaries problems appropriate
Mentee when Knowing when to
necessary seek help
MOVING ON
Deciding how and when to bring the mentoring
relationship to a close
Checking both Mentor’s and Mentee’s views
Evaluating success
Reflecting on Mentor’s learning experience and
assessing benefits for organisation (whilst maintaining
confidentiality)
Diagram 6.2 Six phases of the mentoring relationship

38
Summary: Key Mentoring Skills
Actively listening – intently and intelligently

Clarity
Establishing empathy and rapport
Effective questioning
Sensitivity
Ability to challenge
Enthusiastic
Non-judgemental
Tolerant
Open minded
Capable of thinking outside the box
Able to identify and explore opportunities
Supportive
Able to share work and life experiences
Realistic
Capable of giving honest feedback (the bad and the good)
Adept at identifying the needs of others
Manage expectations
Draw out and develop potential
Admit you are not always right
Trustworthy and trusting
Common sense
Prepared to invest the time
6.3 SHARING EXPERIENCE

Knowing when it’s appropriate to draw on your experience and knowledge and being able
to offer the right level of guidance is empowering for both mentor and mentee. Choosing
the right time to do this requires consideration and care – a mentor’s role is not to be
a raconteur or reminisce about the distant past, or boast about past successes. Imparting
experience is only recommended when you can see that it has some direct bearing on the
mentee’s situation and will therefore be beneficial to them. But, again, it’s important to
allow your mentee time to reflect and to let them respond in their own way. Many ideas
and topics discussed during the session will take time to sink in and you will find that
they may not resurface for some time. This doesn’t mean they haven’t been important or
relevant but rather that it has taken them a while to think things through and link their
own experiences to what’s been said.

39
Often your mentee will have lots of questions resulting from your session and require much
more detail about a topic and they may well ask directly for your advice. In this case, you
do need to be prepared to gently back away and allow the mentee time to think so that
any course of action remains very much their decision. Just use your own good judgement
and beware of overloading your mentee with too much information.
A little subtlety is needed at this stage as giving some advice is perfectly valid, provided
you have considered it first and you are certain there’s no danger of the mentee making an
impulsive, possibly debatable decision they wouldn’t otherwise have taken. Always encourage
your mentee to take the time to reflect on all the options available to them, before they
make up their mind about any resulting action.
Remember, sharing experience and ideas is a two-way street and a certain amount of disclosure
can be valuable to both parties; and whilst it’s essential for you to encourage frankness and
openness, you should also be mindful to ensure that only as much or as little is revealed
as the mentee wishes. Be sensitive to their individual personalities and never allow your
conversations together to drift into what can only be regarded as office politics and gossip!
You too must always be wary before sharing any confidences with your mentee; be certain
it is appropriate and valid to the process. Of course, it goes without saying that one of
the cornerstones of mentoring, throughout the time you spend together, is maintaining
confidentiality at all times. There are very few exceptions to this rule (See Chapter 6 ‘Seeking
Help’ 6.8).
Summary: Sharing Experience
The right timing and occasion for guidance

Giving space and time for reflection
Handling questions and giving advice wisely
Using your judgement
It’s a two-way communication
Benefits of disclosure – only as much as Mentee wishes – Avoid office gossip!
Maintaining confidentiality

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6.4 BUILDING RAPPORT

From the very first meeting, as mentor you have the opportunity to start building the
personal rapport crucial to the success of the mentoring partnership. Be prepared to listen
carefully to your mentee, especially what they tell you about their expectations and hopes
for the relationship. You may find that some of these are unrealistic and you should be
clear from the outset that you are both on the same page.
To help things along, when you are beginning to get to know one another, you may find it
useful to share some personal interests and anecdotes to help establish common ground. You
may suggest seeing their CV, if they are willing, so that you know more of their background
before they joined their current organisation.
There are many subtleties to mentoring and whilst it’s the mentee, in the main, who should
be driving the relationship, of course, both parties need to agree on a whole range of issues
and it’s worth spending some time sharing your expectations and setting some ground rules
and parameters.
You want to be sure to establish clarity about your mentoring relationship; what you expect
from each other and what you both hope to learn and then check carefully – that they are
a match. There are some details that need pinning down, such as agreeing who should take
the main responsibility for how often to meet; who sets the agenda; who organises where to
meet and the length of the meetings. Also, key goals will need defining and progress reviews
initiated. All or any of these actions can be done by the mentor, mentee or by both parties.
Part of successful rapport building is sensing how formal or informal your meetings should
be; what you feel will work best; and being aware of what, if any, information either of you
is prepared to tell others about the relationship. Although it might seem obvious, you need
to be clear about exactly what can be revealed and what must remain absolutely confidential.
You also should be aware of any accountability you feel may be owed to other individuals,
arising as a result of your mentoring relationship (for example, at work, this may involve
line managers, peers, directors, or HR; and outside work; partners, family and friends), and
agree how to handle these contacts accordingly.
In those instances where your mentee has a line manager who is aware of your new mentoring
relationship, it’s important that they are supportive. It’s your responsibility to make sure
there is a clear distinction between your role and the line manager’s, and if they do overlap
in any way, decide how this will be best managed. It’s also the responsibility of the mentor
to ensure that the meetings take place or they are rescheduled if something urgent occurs.

41
You and your mentee will both want to feel free to double check that the relationship is
continuing to develop in the right way and continues to work well for both of you. It’s a
good idea for you to agree at the start how any concerns that may arise will be resolved.
Summary: Building Rapport
Handling hopes and expectations

Building a background picture of the mentee
Sharing interests and anecdotes sensibly
Agreeing responsibilities – frequency and length of meetings, agenda and location
Who else needs to know?
What do they need to know?
Managing communications about the mentoring partnership
Clarifying relationship with Line Manager
Dealing with any concerns
6.5 SETTING DIRECTION

Having established your mentee’s initial needs, you will then need to agree the priorities and
create a suitable timetable. As the relationship develops and trust builds, their aims should
be regularly reviewed as your mentee may wish to set new and different goals at any time.
The right framework will help the individual to identify more easily the issues that may well
have been holding them back for some time. You can start clarifying your mentees needs
by gleaning as much information as you can about their current situation, understanding
their vision and aims and recognising some of the blocks and barriers that may be getting
in their way.
Now you can begin to explore what the mentee is contributing to their situation and what
their strengths and weaknesses are in relation to it. Consider your mentee’s point of view and
try to find out if they have any evidence to support their own assessment of their behaviour
or reactions or the way they may feel certain people are treating them. This may include
getting them to sound out the views of others whose opinions they trust and, possibly,
with their permission, even casting an eye over their past and present performance reports.
It’s important for you, as their mentor, to fully grasp the context, the environment and the
personalities who are involved in any issue that’s discussed.

42
Only then can a plan of action be agreed with realistic goals, priorities and milestones. At
this stage you need to gauge both the mentee’s commitment level and assess their specific
capabilities, so both of you feel confident that any plans you make can move forward
satisfactorily. Your mentee needs to be in the right frame of mind and best situation to
respond to any outcomes.
Summary: Setting Direction
Agreeing priorities and timetable

Setting reviews
Uncovering the issues
Understanding the situation
Exploring the mentee’s role – strengths and weaknesses
Seeking evidence to support their interpretation of events
Creating a realistic action plan
Mentee’s commitment and capabilities
6.6 MAKING PROGRESS

This can be one of the most productive and satisfying phases of the whole process. You may
find that there is an exciting period of sustained activity at this stage, when the relationship
continues to move forward apace and many of the goals that were originally set are achieved.
This is why it’s essential for you to regularly monitor and review progress and adapt and
update plans accordingly.
You will find that a mentee’s goals and aims constantly alter as their work and personal
circumstances change – they may have a new promotion to deal with; a new line manager;
or new team members to run or work alongside. Their job description may have changed
or new and more demanding clients or customers may have come onto the scene.
In their private life, they may have a new partner or are perhaps ending a long-term
relationship; maybe they are moving home or planning to start a family. Whatever the
change or development, hopefully any issues or uncertainties they’re experiencing will surface
in your meetings and goals and timetables can be ‘reset’ to take account of new situations
that may have arisen.
Additionally, new goals may be needed as your mentee starts achieving the initial ones
you agreed. You should be aware that mentoring is a constantly evolving process and it’s
incumbent on you to keep an active dialogue going with your mentee, always probing just
enough to ensure that you are up to speed on what’s happening with them at work and,
when relevant, at home.

43
The frequency of your meetings also matters and you may find, particularly at the start,
that it’s useful to arrange to meet more often, possibly every two weeks, even briefly, to
give you time to get to know each other and establish the direction you both want to take.
Naturally, the regularity of your meetings will depend on how busy your own work and
social schedule is and the availability of your mentee. Looking at the mentoring relationship
over a whole year, after the initial ‘get to know’ phase, typically meetings would ideally take
place at least once a month.
From your mentee’s perspective, if something urgent comes up or a particular event needs
a speedy response, a spontaneous meeting should if possible (and appropriate) always be
arranged. Obviously, whenever you do need to communicate in between your scheduled
meetings, phone contact and emails are there for both of you.
As a mentor, you should be clear right from the outset how much contact is acceptable to
you. So do consider carefully and realistically the amount of time you feel you are prepared
to invest in mentoring before you start out.
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Summary: Making Progress
Monitoring activity
Reviewing goals achieved
Updating goals and plans to changing circumstances
Setting new goals
Need to maintain active dialogue
Determining frequency of initial and future meetings
Dealing with urgent or ‘left field’ matters
Contact and time the mentor is prepared to invest
6.7 MOVING ON
At some stage both mentor and mentee will recognise that they have hopefully achieved
nearly everything they originally set out to accomplish through mentoring. Or perhaps
you may think as their mentor, you have given as much as you can to the relationship and
feel it’s time for some fresh ideas and a new approach. Of course, sometimes, it could be
the mentee who may feel it’s time for a change and a good mentor will probably have the
intuition to see this coming before the mentee does.
This does not mean there has been any shortcoming on your part; it’s just that the
relationship has run its course and it will be advisable for both of you to move on. There
can be instances where you simply haven’t managed to jell together as you had hoped. This
can happen. Remember you are only human and there should be no recriminations or hard
feelings. All you have to do is just agree it’s time for a change.
In some instances, it may be the organisation’s policy that a mentoring partnership should
always run for only a set period of time.
Before the mentoring relationship comes to an end it makes sense to evaluate all the
development and learning achievements gained by both parties during your time together.
You will, almost undoubtedly, be able to help your mentee review and reflect on their
progress and start to think about what they feel they need next. If they want to look for a
new mentor, you may even be able to recommend someone suitable.
Before parting, it’s probably worth evaluating/summarising any positive points and ideas you
have learned from the experience (this can be generalised and anonymous so no confidences
are broken) that might prove useful to the organisation in future mentoring situations.

45
Summary: Moving On
Agreeing when and how to end the mentoring relationship

From the mentor’s point of view
From the mentee’s view
Organisation’s policy about duration of mentoring partnership
Evaluating mentee’s achievements
Deciding what’s next
Summarising learning experiences for the organisation
6.8 THE BOUNDARIES – AND WHEN TO SEEK HELP

Knowing when and how you may need to look for assistance outside the mentoring
partnership is vital. Remember, mentoring cannot solve every problem and there are important
boundaries to the relationship that you, as a mentor, must do your best to avoid crossing.
Firstly, be careful about agreeing goals or aims with your mentee that could fall under the
specific responsibility of their line manager. In no way should a mentor start to take over
this role – mentoring is not a substitute for effective management – and it’s important to
be clear about the working relationship that exists between your mentee and their particular
manager. This may be part of your brief from the organisation you both work for or it
may be found in a mentee’s job description or regular career appraisals/reviews carried out
by their line manager.
In some organisations it’s actively encouraged that once you have met your mentee and
are ready to start working together, before you begin, you arrange to meet with the line
manager. This gives you the opportunity to discuss the parameters of your relationship
and learn about any worries or doubts the manager may have. Once you are aware of any
potential problems, you will then be able to give the necessary reassurances or take any
action required.
Naturally, the experienced mentor should be able to gauge if anything is said at this stage
that’s not in the mentee’s interests and deal with it. Where office politics creep into the
frame, this can happen, so try to be extra vigilant!

46
The second area to avoid, is finding you, as mentor, moving away from acting as role model
and a guide to the organisation’s culture and values. For example, you may have begun
to allow yourself to be somewhat over-protective and over-involved with aspects of your
mentee’s work situation; even actively ‘sponsoring’ or championing their progress within the
company. In this event, you could appear to be directly promoting their career interests and
it may be seen by others that you are giving the mentee an unfair advantage. If ever you
feel any of these behaviours have taken place, it’s time to take stock, review the relationship
and change direction.
Another potential trap is for you to, for whatever reason, hand over valuable data from your
own filing system or start to become a source of easy ‘intelligence’ to the mentee, rather
than the challenging ‘facilitator’ you should always aim to be. You may even find yourself
tempted to give them personal introductions to your own particular network of contacts;
this is not a wise move and not what mentoring is about.
But by far the most serious mistake you can make, (although fortunately these occasions are
rare) is to stray from your role as listener and sounding board to another area entirely that
could be regarded as counselling or therapy. This can happen at times when your mentee
has revealed a serious personal problem to you. In these instances, as a responsible mentor,
you must always ask yourself whether you are properly qualified to deal with this kind of
issue and if it is appropriate for you to do so.
You have to be very honest with yourself and consider if you are acting in the mentee’s best
interests, your own best interests and the organisation’s interest by attempting to deal with
an issue where you have little experience and are not qualified to handle.
This is sensitive and potentially dangerous territory!
Sometimes, it can be quite difficult to see where and when you are in danger of approaching
this ‘blurred’ boundary. It may be the difference between your mentee admitting they feel a
little down which may require a ‘little’ support, to them suffering from serious depression
which can require medical intervention. It’s spotting those occasions when normal stress in a
working environment becomes so severe, it may well call for some professional counselling.
Problems can also occur when a mentee may have admitted to you, for example, that they
have perhaps been involved in an illicit activity or taken an action that you can see might
potentially damage the organisation’s interests – if this occurs it may well require you, as a
responsible mentor, to break your pact of confidentiality and ask for some help.

47
When any of these instances occur, the first step is for you to be aware that you are approaching
such a boundary. You then need to discuss the potential issue with your mentee and reach
agreement as to where and how you will redraw your boundaries (if you’ve caught things
early enough). At this stage, you must decide what needs to be done for the best and, if it’s
still at all possible, how you can continue to support your mentee. If you feel you can no
longer be of any assistance to them, then it’s time to decide when and how the relationship’s
confidentiality rule will be broken if this is the only course of action open to you.
It has to be said that these problems are unusual but because of the difficulties and upset
they can cause, it’s prudent for you, as a mentor, to think about setting the boundaries for
any mentoring relationship before you commence. In this way you can (both) be aware
if and when you are ever in danger of getting close to trouble areas and take suitable
avoiding action.
Some of these cases where help may need to be sought can be covered by a Mentoring
Agreement that both mentor and mentee sign up to at the beginning of their relationship.
Most organisations will already have this type of document available for you to use.
Summary: The Boundaries and When to Seek Help
Knowing when to ask for assistance

Recognising boundaries
Being sensitive to the line manager’s role
The case for meeting mentee’s manager
Avoid favouring your mentee
Avoid being over-protective
Take stock; change direction
Making things too easy for your mentee!
The dangers of crossing the counselling/therapy boundary
The mentor’s responsibilities
Making the right judgement
Agreeing the steps to take
When and how to legitimately break the confidentiality rule
Benefit of setting boundaries in advance
Check out the organisation’s existing Mentoring Agreement

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6.9 MEASURING SUCCESS

There are many ways of measuring the success and achievements of the mentoring partnership.
Both you and your mentee will probably have a healthy overview of how the relationship is
evolving. As the partnership develops, you need to ensure that progress is regularly reviewed
and sufficient time is allocated to reflect on the advances that are being made by your
mentee. This ensures that goals are regularly updated and your mentee can recognise and
appreciate their successes and enjoy and share with you a sense of achievement.
It’s just as important that you also make sure your mentee is aware of any obstacles that
continue to hold them back and that you both continue to explore fresh strategies to
overcome them.
Right at the start, you will have agreed your mentee’s key mentoring objectives and you
may well have already found the SMART tool helps you both with clear goal setting when
you first discussed what your mentee wanted to achieve. If you did use SMART (Guidelines
for using the SMART acronym are covered in Mentoring Tools Chapter 10.5) it will help
when you come to assess exactly what has been achieved, both in your regular reviews and
when your mentoring partnership reaches its conclusion.
Part of the checklist for you, as mentor, will be to assess whether or not you feel that your
mentee has, more or less, achieved all the set goals. How certain do you feel that they can
now confidently tackle demanding situations without your help? Are you happy about
the mentee’s capacity to be self-sufficient and self-motivated? Have you acknowledged
and celebrated your mentee’s achievements with them? Have important milestones, once
reached, been sufficiently recognised? Aiming to end on a high note is, of course, in both
your interests and that of the organisation as well.
But, if at this stage you recognise that your mentee has developed a certain amount of
dependency on you in your role as mentor, it is important that you share this with them.
Try to give them chapter and verse if you can, about just how and when you see this
reliance occurring, to enable them to continue to work on these issues for themselves, or
with a new mentor.
In some cases a friendship may have developed between the two of you at a professional
level, and if so, it is perfectly acceptable for you to keep in touch with your former mentee
provided you respect that your role as their mentor has largely come to an end and you
make sure you don’t tread on a new mentor’s toes!

49
Summary: Measuring Success
Reviewing and updating goals

The SMART Tool
Mentor’s check list of mentee’s progress
Appreciating and celebrating success
Recognising achievements
Awareness of continuing obstacles
Recognising and dealing with any dependency issues
Basis of any ongoing friendship with former mentee
6.10 A MENTOR’S KNOW-HOW GIVES YOU THE EDGE

Working closely as a mentor with individuals you may not know well (if at all) outside
your own peer group, can be highly instructive and challenging. You may learn things from
your mentee that are very different to your own views and beliefs but this does not need
to get in the way of working well together. If you are open to it, you may well find that
it’s really useful and beneficial to examine and reflect on these differences.
The exploration of a range of professional issues and personal feelings gives you a valuable
opportunity to gain some fresh insights and increase your own self-awareness. You may find
you gain a whole new perspective of people in general and the organisation in particular.
This new-found knowledge is sure to enhance your leadership and coaching skills and
you can link this learning to your own personal development plans. It may, after all, help
you become a more effective manager and trainer within your organisation. You can also
acquire new ways of working with people that enables you to take difficult decisions more
readily, act with greater assertiveness and give you added confidence when dealing with
more complex and challenging issues.
Ultimately, there is great satisfaction to be found in helping others and genuine pleasure
to be gained by witnessing your mentee’s progress and development. It’s motivating and
fulfilling too and there’s much to be learned via sharing knowledge and skills and by being
involved together in a joint endeavour that produces great end results and outcomes.

50
As well as improving your own communication and management skills, the experience
you’ve gained as mentor can assist you in building more open and clear communications
within your organisation and also help you find opportunities to share good practice with
colleagues and those who report to you.
Mentoring is a great way of building your own emotional intelligence and developing
creativity. You’ll discover there’s a valuable learning curve to be experienced when you find
yourself in unfamiliar territory, dealing with a set of problems completely new to you. You
will soon come to realise you have the abilities, qualities and skills set to find the strategies
to solve them!
Summary: The Know-How that Gives You the Edge
The challenge of accepting differences and learning from them

Discover fresh insights
Increase self-awareness
Enhance leadership skills
Experience satisfaction of helping others
Opportunities to build self-motivation
Ability to develop clearer communications
Chance to share good practice
Opportunities to build your emotional intelligence

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MENTORING AT WORK To be or not to be a Mentee?
7 TO BE OR NOT TO BE A MENTEE?
7.1 IS MENTORING RIGHT FOR ME?
Not all personal development tools are right for everyone and with mentoring, timing can be
important too. If you’re going through a particularly difficult patch and you aren’t quite sure
mentoring would be appropriate, it could benefit you to seek alternative outside professional
help whether that means counselling or therapy. In some cases, simply participating in
specific training programmes or choosing a coach and scheduling some sessions, may be
more what you’re looking for.
You may be feeling it’s time for you to seriously consider leaving your current organisation
and moving on or perhaps making a career change – in which case you won’t want to
encourage your current employer to invest the time and effort in mentoring you.
On the other hand, if you are in a dilemma about your future career, it could be just the
right moment to go through the mentoring process. That is provided that by revealing your
doubts, you feel sure it wouldn’t jeopardise your future career, particularly if the person
you’ve chosen to mentor you will be directly affected by your leaving.
If you decide it feels right to disclose your feelings or plans, it may be a wise move to
discuss this with your would-be mentor in confidence and invite their feedback. If you are
a valued member of the team, the mentor may wish to go ahead in the hope that they can
help you explore options and opportunities that could influence your decision to stay and
grow within the organisation.
Honesty, in all cases, is the best policy.
The kind of individuals likely to benefit the most from mentoring probably have certain
characteristics and these will include being fairly self-aware and a preference for taking
responsibility for their own development. If that’s you, you also need to be willing to explore
your feelings, even if this leads to examining difficult issues or personal weaknesses.
It’s important for you to be able to feel you can trust your mentor, as you will gain more
from the relationship if you’re prepared to be completely honest. You need to feel comfortable
with a certain amount of healthy disclosure whenever you feel it could be relevant to your
professional development.

52
Additionally, you need to be clear about the mentor’s role. If you’re looking for someone to set
your development goals or provide feedback on your performance, this is not what mentor’s
do. Neither do they appraise your work or assess you for promotion within the organisation.
Equally, they will not provide counselling or act as neutrally as say, a professional coach.
Any mentor worth their salt will never sponsor you or treat you as a protégé or favourite.
Mentoring is in no way line management and is actually best carried out ‘off-line’. If
anything, it’s a learner-driven process created to support your development in ways you
get to define.
Mentoring is not necessarily an easy process and it can be demanding and sometimes very
tiring. You should be sure you are prepared and willing to invest the time and energy it
will require, not just for the sessions themselves but to implement and monitor the changes
and steps you will agree to take.
If you go into the relationship with an open mind and a wish to succeed, it’s likely that
you will get a great deal from the whole process and make some career-defining decisions
you won’t regret. For some it can be positively life changing!
Summary: Is Mentoring Right for me?
Check what’s currently happening in your life

Are you certain it’s the right time to take this on?
Is anything troubling you at the moment?
Are you thinking of looking for another job?
Be honest about your situation
Think carefully about investing the time and commitment
Be sure about what you are looking for from a Mentor
Mentor’s don’t set your development goals or assess performance
Remember Mentoring isn’t an appraisal of your work
Mentoring is not a line management role
The process is best learner-driven by you
It’s intended to support your development in ways you get to define
It’s not always an easy ride and can be both demanding and tiring
It’s best to have an open mind and belief in a successful outcome
Results can be career-defining as well as life changing

53
7.2 HOW DO I GET THE MOST FROM MENTORING?

Firstly, try to be as open as you can to ideas and suggestions however surprising and puzzling
they may seem initially. Also, be willing to explore your feelings and problems, even if they
may make you a little uncomfortable at the time. Being closed to fresh or new thinking
will not help you get the best from your mentor, or for you.
It’s good to remain curious about everything and, if you can come up with insightful
questions, it will benefit you. Seeking your mentor’s advice and asking them to give you
ideas based on their experience is not only useful to you but rewarding for your mentor as
well. With the right mentor, by asking and answering searching and perceptive questions,
you’ll find you are both able to move the relationship forward.
From time to time, you will want to ask for advice; but be aware that it’s very much up
to your Mentor how much direct advice they are prepared to give you. Part of the process
is for you to lead the direction your mentoring relationship takes and a good and caring
mentor will want to encourage you to do as much of your own thinking as you can.
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Asking discerning questions is an art and it requires practice, the better focussed and more
searching your questions are, the more you will learn from your mentor and be able to
apply new thinking to your situation. Likewise, their questioning skills will have a major
impact on the success of the process.
Always listen as fully and actively as you can. It’s important for you to really comprehend
what’s being said. Try not to make assumptions about what you think your mentor is going
to say next or allow your eagerness to speak, stop you paying attention or even interrupting
your mentor in mid flow!
Try to take in exactly what your mentor is saying and be aware of the various ways they
approach each and every issue you bring up for discussion. You may well feel you’ve already
thought of most of the options yourself but it’s likely that with their greater experience,
your mentor will consider tackling things in a very different way. This can prove beneficial
to you, as by adding greater choice to the way you usually deal with problems, you will
become more flexible and find you can handle many situations more effectively.
Be prepared to trust your Mentor – it really is an essential part of the relationship. You’ll
want to feel confident you can tell them anything you choose that you think may be of
help and, of course, this is bound to involve a certain amount of disclosure. Even if you
choose to tell them something that no-one else at work knows about, always remember
that what is said between you is completely confidential (unless you have both specifically
agreed to share a particular matter with others for some valid reason).
There are times when you will need to be honest and talk about what’s working well and be
frank about what isn’t going so well and to give your reasons why. This isn’t always easy, as
you may regard your mentor as a role model, so having to point out that something you’ve
agreed isn’t working as it should, may seem out of order or somewhat daunting. A good
mentor is ready to experiment and accept that they can’t always be right; it would be far
worse to continue down a path that you feel is going nowhere without alerting your mentor.
It’s well worth remembering that there should always be mutual respect for each other’s
views – your mentor will be understanding if you tell them that something isn’t right for
you and you want to try another course of action.

55
You should always aim to be as clear as you can about your objectives. It’s worth spending
time understanding how to set goals effectively and developing ideas for the action and
development plans you need to achieve them. It may help you to jot down notes as you think
of them, whatever time of day; these may be about your aspirations, what self-improvement
you’d like to make; new skills you would like to learn and so on. Bring these notes with
you to the next mentoring session.
It can be tempting to lean a little on your mentor but it’s you who needs to be willing to
take responsibility for your own personal and professional development. You are ultimately
the one who must decide what you want, the direction you want to take and what you
will need to get there. Your mentor is primarily there to provide guidance, encouragement
and inspiration and support your development along the way.
Give yourself time to reflect on what’s been said in your sessions. Mentoring aims to give
you the space to really think deeply about what is happening and the progress you feel
you’re making in relation to your objectives and plans. Be sure you share your thoughts
and experiences with your mentor so that together – you can reap the maximum rewards.
You’ve got to be ready to invest sufficient time to the process, not just for your meetings
but to do any agreed homework and to prepare for each session. The only way to make
the most of your meetings is to ensure you’ve done everything possible in advance to use
the time wisely. Maybe you can prepare an agenda with all the points you wish to discuss,
and depending on what’s been agreed between the two of you, email it to your Mentor
before you meet so they can begin to think things through. Perhaps you both have agreed
that the two of you will create agendas, so chase this up ahead of time.
In between meetings you will have agreed to take a number of steps to achieve your objectives
and if you are sufficiently committed, you will have made progress on this. Make notes
about what you believe you’ve achieved and anything that may have got in the way of your
plans. Bring these notes with you as well as your new agenda.
Be willing to stand your ground when you feel it’s appropriate. Try to be direct about
your needs and what you want from your mentor but remember that to work at its best,
assertiveness should always involve respecting the rights and sensibilities of the other person
as well as your own.

56
Summary: How do I Get the Most Out of Mentoring?
Be open to ideas and willing to explore feelings

Be curious and ask insightful questions
Listen actively
Learn about different approaches
Be open and honest about what’s working and what’s not
Be clear about your objectives
Share your thoughts and experiences
Take responsibility for your own development
Invest sufficient time to the process – both meetings and homework
Give yourself time to reflect on what has been said
Make notes in between sessions
Plan in advance and work with an agenda
When it feels right, stand your ground
7.3 CHOOSING THE RIGHT MENTOR

Beginning your journey towards successful mentoring involves more than simply finding
someone you ‘like’ to be your mentor. Before you start, consider some of the following
guidelines ahead of making that all-important choice.
Whilst it’s important for you to feel comfortable with your mentor, it’s good not to be
too comfortable. The partnership will work best for you if you have a sense that who you
are considering is a character you feel you can learn from and trust enough to open up
about yourself. Could they be a role model for you and influence your development in a
positive way?
Ideally, your mentor should be a more experienced senior person with no direct line manager
responsibility and possibly from a different business discipline or department within the
organisation. Most companies let would-be mentees be free to select their own mentor,
sometimes from an approved list, subject to the availability of that person.
And, of course, mentoring schemes aren’t mandatory – as an employee you don’t have to
have a mentor if you don’t want one, or you may even choose to find a professional outside
the work environment and make a completely personal arrangement, not paid for or linked
to your company.

57
Based on past mentoring experiences, the general view is that if you go with a mentor too
like yourself, whilst you should still be well supported, you may not necessarily be challenged
sufficiently; it’s possible that the pace may be slowed and less learning and development
take place.
Be sure that you feel both of you are clear and agreed about the purpose of your mentoring
relationship and what the main objectives are. You want to avoid a mismatch of expectations
as it can lead to disappointment and potential problems.
So, it’s important to get it right – even if you have to change horses midstream, so to
speak. If you have doubts early on, don’t be afraid to voice them. Remember, it’s always
possible to bring the relationship to an end at any time (for both of you) if the match isn’t
working as it should.
Once you have discussed the situation with your existing mentor, you should be in a
position to select another mentor and, in most cases you’ll find your mentor will be more
than happy to help you find the right person.
Summary: Choosing the Right Mentor
Not someone too similar to you

Someone who is able to challenge you
A person you trust and can open up to
Good to pick a role model you feel you can learn from
Your Mentor should be more experienced and senior to you
Check out the situation as some companies have their own policy about choosing mentors
Both you and your Mentor should be clear about the purpose and objectives
Try to avoid a mismatch of expectations
If it isn’t working, have the confidence to say so
Remember Mentoring isn’t mandatory
You could always choose a Mentor outside your work
Either you or your Mentor can end the relationship if it’s not working as it should
Be aware when you think it’s time to select a new mentor
7.4 WHAT WILL I GAIN?

Mentoring gives you the opportunity to benefit from advice, experience and expertise not
generally available through traditional training methods. It offers a valuable journey of self-
discovery that can often help break new ground and discover fresh ideas. You can explore
‘live’ issues and utilise the wider experience and expertise of your mentor who can be an
important role model for you.

58
As a mentee, you stand to make a number of invaluable gains that will help you as an
individual and assist in your professional development.
Tapping into your mentor’s wealth of knowledge, both personal and professional, will
enable you to gain new insights and you’ll find opportunities and discoveries will present
themselves in surprising ways. What’s more, you’ll receive honest and positive feedback that
will help you overcome potential weaknesses as well as identify any difficulties or obstacles
you may be experiencing.
By spending time in a completely non-judgemental environment, you should be able to

feel free to let off some steam if needs be and trust someone else enough to share your
experiences and problems – confidentially. You’ll find by being able to talk through work
and personal issues with an experienced colleague, you can acquire a new outlook and
considerably more confidence.
Your mentor is there to give as much guidance as they can to help you overcome any blocks
or barriers that may be getting in the way of achieving success. By being frank and allowing
yourself to face some of your ‘demons’, you will soon find that you’re able to make some
important steps in the right direction. For sure, mentoring offers you the right framework
and ideal context in which to explore ways of developing your character and achieving a
better understanding of your beliefs, and that, in turn, should positively impact on your
professional and personal life.
Of course, your mentor’s chief aim is to help you achieve and increase your potential. It’s
an empowering and reassuring process whereby you will be able to recognise problems,
face setbacks, cope with glitches and, together, explore a whole range of options to find
the best solutions.
Mentoring offers a pathway to your personal development and career progression. You may
well find you can learn more quickly and effectively as you gain a keener understanding of
yourself and your role within the organisation. Your mentor is there to act as a sounding board
to explore new ideas, allowing you to build your capabilities, confidence and self-reliance.
The mentor you choose should be totally unbiased and able to be objective about any subject
you care to discuss. It’s a rare thing to talk to someone who can be impartial and give you
completely honest feedback – something not everyone gets to experience.

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Generally speaking, our friends, partners and family, may want the best for us but find it
difficult to be objective because they are naturally emotionally involved. So the best advice
for all mentees is to seize the opportunity the mentoring environment offers and make the
very best of all the time you spend together with your mentor.
Summary: What Will I Gain?
Self-discovery and self-awareness

Chance to tap into a more experienced person
Access to a role model
Get to see the bigger picture and gain fresh insights
Opportunity to learn more quickly and effectively
Experience a non-judgemental environment
Unbiased communication
Receive objective and positive feedback
Increase your potential
Personal and professional development
Empowerment
Guidance and shared experiences
Encouragement and support
Opportunity to let off steam
Increased self-belief
Mutual trust
Get to break new ground
Recognise problems and find solutions
Reassurance
A sounding board to explore ideas
An objective and impartial viewpoint
7.5 HOW DOES MENTORING HELP MY DEVELOPMENT?

At best, Mentoring can advance the development of both mentor and mentee. If both of
you work for the same organisation, it will be a mutually beneficial use of time with the
potential for a powerful and career-changing experience. As a rule, mentoring will assist you
in both personal and professional development whether it’s advancing your existing skills
or developing new ones, increasing your self-confidence and improving your performance.
Having access to your mentor and being able to learn from their experience can be invaluable
to you and your career path. By being given the support you need to shape your own
development action plan, you’ll find you are better placed to build your own capabilities
and self-reliance.

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During the mentoring process, you’ll have opportunities to look at the direction you are
currently taking in your career and have the time to explore a change of direction, if it feels
right. Always keep in mind your mentor is there to offer you any support and guidance
you need with your development and any problems that may be getting in the way of your
progress. Just take the opportunity to talk these through and find the right solutions that
will work best for you!
If, as we’ve said, your mentor works for the same company, they may be able to offer you
valuable guidance within the organisation – and will probably know about the range of
training programmes available, how to access networks and information, and what career path
choices may be open to you both nationally or internationally. Your mentor will probably
also know the right people for you to talk to if you want to pursue a particular course.
Summary: How Does Mentoring Help my Development?
Powerful process for development

Improves existing skills
Helps find new skills
Improves performance
Increases self-confidence
Insights into your Mentor’s wealth of experience
Opportunity to develop your own action plan
Builds capabilities and self-reliance
Advice on career progression
Explore change of direction
Guidance within the organisation
Tap into Mentor’s knowledge about career and training options
Access to networks and information
Your Mentor can put you in touch with the right contacts for further guidance
7.6 PERSONAL COMMITMENT

There are many decisions you will make together with your mentor that require your total
commitment. Your mentor will want to be certain that you mean what you say if you
sign up to certain actions. Just saying yes may not be enough as there are many different
meanings to the answer ‘yes’.

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Some Meanings to the Answer Yes:
Yes, I’ll dedicate myself to seeing it through until it gets done

Yes, I feel committed to following this up
Yes, I’m willing to help follow this up
Yes, it sounds quite interesting
Yes, I’ll go along with it
Yes, but really, there’s no way I’m doing that!
It’s pretty obvious that the first answer Yes is the most likely to mean a real Yes! The yes’s
get weaker as you move down the list to finally saying yes but not intending to do anything
at all! It is crucial for your mentor to believe in you; and for you to actively demonstrate
your commitment will be the main way of achieving this. So checking carefully that you
feel certain you can take and complete all the agreed steps to the best of your ability before
you meet again is important.
Before you agree to take any action – Give yourself this simple test:
Just rate from 1–10 how sure you feel about your commitment to each step or task you and
your mentor have set. (10 being 100% sure and 1 being really unsure).
Keep going with your rating and do whatever it takes until you feel you can score 10 out of
10 and if you can’t give full marks, work out why not.
Without scoring 10 out of 10, you will find that you may still be feeling unsure about some
aspects of the agreed action.
You may well have gone through this scoring exercise already with your mentor at the end
of your session but you will find it pays to feel really confident that you will take the agreed
steps after your session is over, without your mentor’s support.
So, after each mentoring session, once you are clear about the agreed actions, it’s a wise
move when you are alone, to take time to go through the steps and ask yourself whether or
not they are all achievable in the time allocated. If you sense a real problem ahead of you
in carrying through or you genuinely believe that you haven’t allowed yourself a realistic
time frame, the best course of action is to alert your mentor ahead of the next session. You
need to think through the reasons why you feel as you do and, if you can, be sure to relay
them fully to your mentor if you want the relationship to continue to work at its best.

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It is possible and quite understandable that during the session, face-to-face with your mentor,
you may have allowed yourself to get carried away with good intentions and promise to
do too much.
Generally speaking, a good mentor will try to anticipate this and make allowances for it
but sometimes it can be difficult for them to risk curbing your enthusiasm. They will prefer
it if you can assess the situation yourself and use your own judgement if you feel the bar
has been set too high. This is all part of the learning curve between mentor and mentee.
The last thing a mentor wants is for you to feel overwhelmed, as of course agreeing to do
too much is going to affect what you both want to achieve. So be realistic about the time
you are allowing yourself to complete any agreed steps or actions and be sure you feel
comfortable with the targets you’ve set.
In the end, the best mentoring relationships are those that can move forward at the right
pace for you, the mentee. Your mentor wants to feel confident about your commitment
and it’s up to you to manage expectations; it’s a vital part of the relationship.
Summary – Your Commitment
Saying Yes and meaning it

Importance of personal commitment
Weigh up the steps you’ve agreed – be sure they’re realistic
Score your commitment for each step
Communicate any problems or doubts
Don’t over commit
Don’t set the bar too high
Be realistic about timetable and targets
Avoid being overwhelmed
Manage expectations – Yours and your Mentor’s
Move ahead at the right speed for you

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MENTORING AT WORK Starting a Company Scheme
8 STARTING A COMPANY SCHEME

8.1 LAUNCHING THE MENTORING PROGRAMME
The first step is to ascertain that the key decision makers are committed to nurturing and
building the talent pool within the company and that they will have sufficient commitment
to get behind the proposed Mentoring Programme.
Checklist
It may be helpful to gauge whether or not the following statements amply reflect the views
of senior management:
• We want to hold on to our key people and are prepared to look after them and
help them develop their skills
• We recognise the need to invest in our most talented executives and to develop
their potential in order to continue to build our successful business and maintain
our competitive edge
• We have good people who have some clear personal strengths and there are specific
and important areas we would like to help them improve
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• We recognise that some members of our team are talented but that they may not
be reaching their full potential
• We would like to accelerate the time it takes to facilitate our senior people to work
as a coherent, productive team
• We have some strong individuals who we would like to see working closer together
as a team and we understand the importance of making the best match
• We sometimes feel our key people live and breathe their work 24:7 and this can
affect performance; we would like to help them attain a better work/life balance
yet still achieve excellent results
• New business is our life’s blood; we want to optimise the creative efforts and talents
of the main team players to attract more clients/contracts
• Creativity is vital to our business and we would like to help our people become
more inspired and able to think ‘outside the box’
• We have an effective HR department and sound staff training but we want to
enhance what they are doing by introducing a Mentoring Scheme with the right
mentors who can tailor-make the process to suit individual needs
• We want members of our Mentoring Team to fully understand the nuances and
demands of our business as well as the corporate world in which we and our clients
operate – so they are able to create the most effective Mentoring Programme
If some or all of these statements do resonate with the organisation, then an In-House
Mentoring Scheme can help find solutions and a constructive way forward to nurture
and develop their people. It can be tailor-made to complement any skills and competency
frameworks that are already in place.
Following general agreement from top management and key managers that a Company
Mentoring Programme is to be launched, the next step is to identify the executives within
the organisation who might make suitable mentors and play an active role in the scheme.
It’s advisable that a Leader is chosen who can help oversee the selection of mentors and
implement any Mentor Training that’s deemed necessary.
Companies will need to decide right away whether or not they want to offer a choice of
mentors from outside the organisation and not just those working from within. Some
businesses feel the need to appoint a fully qualified and independent Professional Mentor
who can act as an advisor, available on demand to the company’s in-house mentors; someone
for them to take problems to whenever they need specific advice or guidance.

65
Programme Announcement/Would-Be Mentor Q&A: Once prepared, an announcement

can be sent from the Mentoring Programme Leader to appropriate senior and experienced
individuals inviting them to consider becoming Mentors and telling them about the launch
of the programme. Initial background information can then be gathered from interested
parties via a simple Q&A. This can be created jointly by the Programme Leader and selected
senior colleagues.
This Q&A can elicit a range of facts and figures such as who has already received any
coaching or mentoring or has had training in either of these areas. If they have been coached
or mentored, perhaps they can give some feedback on their experiences. The questionnaire
could sound out whether or not they appreciate the difference between coaching and
mentoring. It could ask what they feel they would like to achieve in their role as a mentor
and what they think are the main company values they would like to communicate to
mentees. And, why they would like to become a mentor, what they feel they can offer and
what they believe are the most important benefits for prospective mentees.
All this information will be valuable to the Mentoring Programme Leader (MPL) to help
them decide who to consider and what training is required for the company’s initial pool
of Mentors. The MPL will want to offer mentees a good choice of candidates with different
experience and personality types.
Once a sufficient number of Mentors has volunteered to get a scheme going and the most
suitable chosen; the MPL will want to bring them together to discuss all the details and
proposed timetable to get the scheme up and running.
Mentoring Hand Book: Most companies like to compile their own Mentoring Hand Book
for such a scheme to ensure that everyone involved is crystal clear about all aspects of the
programme and the set guidelines. This can be done at any stage, but it is often useful to
allow the new mentors to make their contribution.
In this book, Mentoring at Work, three of the main aspects needed for a Company Mentoring
Hand Book have been covered in some detail. Chapter 5 ‘The Mentoring Process’, Chapter 6
‘Being a Mentor’ and Chapter 7 ‘Being a Mentee’: the information contained in these
sections should help any organisation with the basics of their programme.
Once the Mentoring Hand Book has been put together and the first volunteer mentors have
completed their training; the process of communicating the details of the scheme can begin.
Those running the programme will want to make sure that everyone working for the
organisation is aware that mentoring is now available to them.

66
The size and scope of the scheme will depend on the numbers of trained mentors initially
available at launch. It’s important to manage expectations of the would-be mentees so if
there is to be any waiting time before their individual mentoring can commence, they are
fully aware of it at the programme’s inception.
Some companies may prefer to target certain people or groups, perhaps offering mentoring
to one team at a time or there may well be individuals whose needs are more pressing than
others. Only senior managers can make these decisions and this is an important area that
requires discussion and agreement at the early stages of planning the programme’s launch
and time table.
Always remember, Mentoring enriches everyone who is involved, from the head of the
organisation, its board members, the management team, right through to junior assistants.
See Diagram 8.1 THE MAIN STEPS – LAUNCHING A COMPANY MENTORING

PROGRAMME
COMMITMENT
Ensure key
decision makers
are on board
MENTOR MENTOR
TRAINING SELECTION
Honing skills Identify suitable
Learning to handle candidates Appoint
issues and Programme
problems Leader
ROLES AND WORKSHOPS

RESPONSIBILITIES Introduction for
Relationship would-be Mentors
between Mentors and Mentees
and Managers
GOLDEN RULES
MENTOR AND
Devise and agree
MENTEE
guidelines
MATCHING
Produce
How to get it right
COMMUNICA- Handbook
TIONS
Benefits of scheme
to employees and
organisation

67
Summary: Launching the Mentoring Programme
Checklist to determine commitment of key decision makers:
The desire to hold on to key people and develop their skills and potential
Prepared to invest in talented executives to build their business and stay competitive
Improve personal strengths of individuals and potential of teams
Encourage better work/life balance
Optimise new business drives
Inspire creativity and how to think ‘outside the box’
Compliment HR Department’s work with mentoring process to suit individual needs
Want the Mentoring Team to have understanding of the organisation’s needs in business and
nuances of corporate world
Choose Mentoring Team Leader and identify suitable Mentors

Aim to offer good choice of Mentors with varied backgrounds and personalities
Decide if scheme is in-house only or if outside professional Mentor is needed
Announce Programme and Devise Q&A to help choose would-be mentors
Compile Company’s Mentoring Hand Book
Decide on size and scope of scheme
Manage Mentee expectations if there is to be a delay to their start date
Communicate scheme details to would-be Mentees
Mentoring is enriching for everyone
8.2 MENTORING WORKSHOPS

Before their Mentoring Programme gets going, many companies have the option to run
a series of Mentee and Mentoring Workshops that will provide an ideal introduction to
would-be mentees and essential training for new mentors. It’s very worthwhile offering
trainee mentors the opportunity to get some practice with real issues.
This book, ‘Mentoring at Work’, can be used as a helpful guide to the topics to be covered
in any workshops that are planned for either mentors or mentees. For example, exploring
the most important values or factors that different individuals want to find at work, is a
great way of getting people to look at their mentoring needs right from the start.
Training workshops for mentors are valuable to everyone whether they eventually decide
to become a mentor or not; all those attending will be offered insights to a range of skills
that are useful to them in many situations, professionally and personally.

68
Mentoring workshops can look at the qualities and skills needed by a good mentor including
ways to improve listening and questioning skills. How to explore goals and issues can be
demonstrated as well as methods of identifying options and opportunities. Advising when it’s
appropriate to use your experience and give guidance or advice; how to maintain boundaries
and confidentiality.
They present an opportunity to look closely at respecting differences and being non-
judgemental and understanding the ground rules of a successful mentoring relationship.
Through learning about mentoring, workshop attendees will find that they are able to build
their emotional intelligence and understand what’s required to support and encourage others
to help them reach their potential and the fulfilment that follows.
Just to give a flavour of some of the skills a Mentoring Workshop could help people build,
here’s an example Q&A aimed at getting them to think about listening skills. The ability
to listen closely to what people are saying is an important part of being a good mentor.
EXAMPLE Q&A – LISTENING SKILLS
How would you describe your listening skills?

Complete these statements as honestly as you can:
If I had to choose between speaking and listening, my choice would be…
I tend to interrupt people when…
When people are expressing their emotions, I feel…
I find it easy to listen to people when…
People I tend to find it difficult to listen to include…
Listening comes easy to me when…
I become easily distracted when I am listening if…
If I can’t have my say, I feel…
The best listener I know is…because…
I like people who listen to me because…
Most individuals find the answers quite revealing! Of course, there are many other skills
that are just as important that can be covered in a mentoring workshop to help people
improve their capabilities.
Once mentors are in place, it’s a good idea to then offer prospective mentees an introduction
to mentoring. This helps ensure they are given a clear understanding of what it’s all about,
how to get the most from the process and how they can go about choosing the right mentor.

69
A good move is to set up a company reference library/information service with selected

mentoring and coaching books, useful articles and web site links made available to mentors
and would-be mentors. A suitable volunteer could oversee this task and maintain a simple
borrowing system for the books etc. Apart from their own input, they can ask for suggestions
and recommendations from work colleagues to help keep the ‘Mentoring Library’ informative
and topical.
Summary: Mentoring Workshops
Workshops are of value to everyone and offer useful skills and insights
Everyone benefits not just Would-Be Mentors and Mentees
Use this book ‘Mentoring at Work’ to help design Training Workshops
Example topics for Mentors that can be covered include:

Improving listening and questioning skills
Exploring goals and issues; options and opportunities
Giving guidance, maintaining boundaries and confidentiality
Understanding the Ground Rules
Example Q&A Training Exercise aimed at building listening skills
Some Topics for Mentee Workshops:

Introduction to mentoring
How to get the most from the process
Choosing the right mentor
Set up a Company Coaching/Mentoring Reference Library and Information Service

Appoint individual responsible for overseeing this task and maintaining library
8.3 GETTING IT RIGHT: THE GOLDEN RULES

When launching a company scheme, it is important to be crystal clear to everyone involved
what the main guidelines for mentoring within your particular organisation are to be. It’s
advisable to have sensible and comprehensive ground rules for individuals who will be
acting as mentors and mentors in the making, so they have a keen understanding of what’s
involved in the process. Of course, every company will have its own ideas – here are some
of the Golden Rules that Mentors should be aware of before the Company Mentoring
Programme is started:

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Summary: Mentor’s Guide to the Golden Rules
Maintain confidentiality at all times

Respect and explore differences, opinions, views, lifestyles and cultures
Maintain ethical approach and integrity over professional and personal boundaries
Always avoid being judgemental and try not to make assumptions
Encourage disclosure but only as much or as little as your mentee wishes
You should let the mentee define and drive the relationship as much as possible
Aim to maintain active listening without interrupting; giving space and respecting silence
Try to be flexible and receptive to new ideas or change
Recognise importance of good timekeeping and need for regular (usually monthly) meetings
Share experiences and ideas and be clear about the role giving advice plays
You are helping your mentee to develop rather than teaching them
Ask effective, appreciative and insightful questions, have the confidence to challenge and
give constructive criticism when necessary
Always be open, supportive, empathetic, and sensitive/share your wisdom and experience
Aim to maintain and build a good rapport and give positive feedback and support
Provide the best environment: no mobiles and no interruptions – sometimes the office is not
the ideal location; the right alternative local meeting place may be needed
Be prepared to be available on demand to deal with urgent or unforeseen issues
Don’t try to set development goals or provide feedback on performance goals
Don’t ever sponsor your mentee as a protégé or favour them above others within the organisation
Don’t assess or appraise your mentee for any third parties
Don’t attempt to provide what might be construed as therapeutic counselling
Familiarise yourself with the company’s mentoring policy: know how to recognise and handle
potential problems
Make sure you know when it’s appropriate for you to ask for help or guidance
Ensure that any concerns Mentees have are explored and the Ground Rules are made clear
Arrange for your Mentee to sign up to the Company’s Mentoring Contract (if applicable) and
that it’s tailored to suit any individual needs as necessary
Aim to enjoy and learn from your time together – Plan to succeed and dare to fail!
8.4 WHAT MENTORING ACHIEVES FOR EMPLOYEES

We have already explored the benefits of mentoring in earlier chapters (specifically in
Chapter 5.4). Here’s an outline summary of what mentoring can achieve for employees,
whether they are mentees or mentors, via a company scheme.
For all the people involved, mentoring engages both the emotions and the intellect. It helps
promote loyalty and builds lasting relationships as it’s based on a partnership of mutual trust
and respect that will advance the individual’s potential and skills development. It’s a two-way
learning relationship that gives both parties shared common purpose and responsibility –
and can be of great assistance to newcomers to make them feel more at home, as it were.

71
It helps people understand their motivation and what they need to drive it, as well as
encouraging talent and offering a rare opportunity for honest and positive feedback.
Opportunities to build an individual’s capabilities, self-awareness and self-reliance are all

encouraged and it enables them to find effective solutions to a wide range of issues or problems.
Mentoring ensures that the pragmatic and objective support required for personal and
professional development is in place and that the right steps can be taken to help individuals
build on their strengths and overcome weaknesses along the way.
Individuals can also benefit from the guidance that’s on offer concerning the way a particular
organisation works, how the informal networks operate and also learn more about current
issues relating to company business.
Encouragement from an attentive and helpful ‘sounding board’ in a safe and confidential
environment, allows people to explore new perspectives and ideas as well as tap into the
mentor’s wealth of experience. Mentoring is a powerful development tool that increases self-
knowledge, helping individuals to develop their own career action plan and make progress
within the organisation.
People who act as mentors are also able to build their leadership and coaching skills plus gain
insights and increased self-awareness through the exploration of professional and personal
issues of the individuals they mentor. Mentors are often motivated not only by acting as
role model but through experiencing a feeling of accomplishment helping someone else
to develop (and as their mentee progresses), the Mentor in turn becomes empowered by
their success.
It’s an opportunity to share knowledge, learn and gain new perspectives and a way to build
open and clear communications within the company as well as accelerate the transmission
of ideas and innovation across an organisation.
Apart from encouraging better chemistry and more honest relationships between people,
good mentors can help people take more control of their lives and find their own way to
greater professional and personal fulfilment.
Mentoring delivers better business performance and promotes a productive and creative
company culture. All of the benefits outlined here contribute to the organisation’s vital
emotional capital.

72
Summary: What Mentoring Achieves for Employees
Engages emotions and intellect

Maintains loyalty and builds lasting relationships
Two way learning process with shared purpose and responsibility
Helps newcomers feel at home and part of the company
Encourages talent and drives motivation
Offers opportunities for honest and positive feedback
Builds capabilities, self-awareness and self-reliance
Explores options and finds solutions
Gives support for personal and professional development
Guidance to organisation, its networks and current business issues
Explores new perspectives and ideas
Helps develop action plans to progress within organisation
Builds Mentors’ leadership and coaching skills

Mentors gain insights and increased self-awareness
Acting as a role model motivates mentors
Mentors empowered by mentees success
Improves internal communications

Accelerates transmission of ideas and innovation
Delivers better business performance and productive, creative company culture
All the benefits contribute to the organisation’s emotional capital
8.5 WHAT MENTORING OFFERS THE ORGANISATION

There is a powerful business case for Mentoring: the fast pace of change and its impact on the
transformation of the needs of an organisation, means that for a company to thrive it must
ensure that its people are always developing and improving their capabilities, productivity
and effectiveness. When facing a challenging and competitive climate, mentoring can offer
both mentors and mentees valuable opportunities to build self-awareness and emotional
intelligence. It’s a highly cost effective means to achieve these aims that can offer additional
‘on the job’ learning and development to complement any training schemes or education
programmes already in place.
There is growing trend for individuals to take greater responsibility for their personal and
professional development; even those working for large organisations no longer necessarily
feel they can rely on the company to provide them with all of their career development
needs. So there has been a general increase in the number of individuals seeking a coach
or mentor on a private basis and this is particularly the case when they may feel ready for
career change.

73
In some cases, being offered mentoring by the company they work for may channel their
thoughts of moving on to more positive reasons to stay put and by doing so, choose to
continue to develop their career with the same company. This is of some significance when
it involves high achieving individuals, and it may be that mentoring inspires them to remain
where they are (and dissuade them from leaving) at what may be a critical time from the
organisation’s view point.
Of course, most employees are seeking to make the most of their potential with their existing
employer, develop their emotional intelligence and capabilities, or perhaps they want to
achieve a better balance between their work and home lives. In these cases it will be seen
as a real and tangible benefit if they are able to take advantage of mentoring provided for
them by their employers at their place of work.
Mentoring provides opportunities for everyone to share best practice and support the
organisation’s commitment to personal and career development. It also creates opportunities
to access a broader group of individuals who possess valuable knowledge that will help people
better understand the company’s corporate culture, philosophy, values and management style.
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In practice, mentoring helps speed up the communication of ideas and innovation across the
organisation and offers beneficial networking opportunities. The process increases enthusiasm
and loyalty and by building its reputation based on trust and respect the company can
strengthen and expand its talent pool whilst holding onto the best people with highest
potential. Improving emotional intelligence within individuals and teams can help to retain
the existing business and clients as well as building and winning new business.
Effective mentoring facilitates the matching of career management activities with the
individual’s aspirations and will augment ‘succession planning’ within the organisation.
Handled sensitively, mentoring can enhance relationships between mentees and their line
managers and generate a more productive and creative work environment.
When successful, it can help make people happier and more motivated and contribute
positively to the organisation’s emotional capital and morale.
Summary: What Mentoring Offers the Organisation
Fast pace of change and business needs make a powerful case for mentoring
Helps workforce to develop and improve capabilities/performance
On the job learning makes Mentoring cost effective
Taps into trend of individuals taking responsibility for their own development
Mentoring intervention may dissuade high achievers from leaving
Provides opportunities to share best practice
Improves understanding of corporate culture, values and management style
Facilitates internal communication of ideas and networking
Increases loyalty, trust and respect; expands talent pool and helps retain best people
Increased EI helps teams retain, grow and win business
Match career management to aspirations and aids succession planning
More productive and creative environment generated via enhanced work relationships
Successful mentoring makes people happier and better motivated
Makes a positive contribution to organisation’s emotional capital
8.6 MENTOR AND MENTEE MATCHING: GETTING IT RIGHT

A mentor will be someone more experienced that the mentee and without any direct line
responsibility for the individual seeking mentoring. They may even work in a different division
or department. The quality of the relationship between mentor and mentee is absolutely
key to the success of any Mentoring Scheme. The basis of good mentoring is to establish
a relationship of mutual trust and respect and it’s vital that both parties are aware of the
emphasis that needs to be placed on establishing an effective and harmonious association.

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Successful mentoring involves a lot more than the would-be mentee simply finding someone
they like and wanting them to become their mentor. Before the selection is made, it is
helpful to give the individuals to be mentored some guidance. You can point out that whilst
they should feel comfortable with their chosen mentor, they shouldn’t feel too comfortable!
Mentoring will work well if they have a sense they can really learn from their mentor and
are able to trust them sufficiently to open up to them. Experience shows that if a mentee
chooses someone who is too like themselves, whilst still being well-supported, they may
not necessarily be challenged enough, and so less progress may be made.
It may be helpful to create profiles of each member of the Mentoring Team that includes
past experience, particular skills and knowledge and so on, and help mentees make a more
considered choice.
It is important that both mentor and mentee are clear and agreed on the purpose of the
mentoring, what the principal objectives are and a realistic time frame put in place to
achieve these aims. A mismatch of expectations could lead to problems.
Reports of failed mentoring outcomes sometimes cite a lack of support from the mentee’s Line
Manager. So the message is clear, mentors and mentees need to make sure the appropriate
line manager is on board from the outset and that the main purpose of the mentoring
partnership is shared with that manager, without breaking any confidences.
Both parties need to subscribe to and abide by the contract made between them. This entails
a clear understanding about confidentiality between mentor and mentee, the parameters
or limits of the mentoring meetings and an agreed form of contact. This will all help with
the smooth running of the mentoring relationship and can be covered by the organisation’s
regular mentoring contract which should allow for any factors that may need to be tailor-
made to suit each individual relationship.
If a mentee wants to change their mentor for any reason, they should be aware that this is
possible and all they have to do is talk to the Mentoring Project Leader. Similarly, if a mentor
leaves the organisation or cannot continue acting as mentor for any reason, the project leader
can arrange for the mentee to become involved in the selection of a suitable alternative.

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Summary: Mentor and Mentee Matching – Getting it Right
Mentors are more experienced than mentees

No Line Manager responsibilities
Quality of relationship key to success
Based on mutual trust and respect
Emphasis on establishing effective relationship
Mentor shouldn’t just be someone Mentee likes
Best not to feel too comfortable!
Mentee should feel they can learn from Mentor and open up with confidence
For best results Mentor shouldn’t be too similar to Mentee
Mentoring Team profiles can help Mentee make informed choice
Mismatch of expectations can lead to problems
Purpose and Time Frame should be clear and agreed
Key to have support of Mentee’s Line Manager
Mentoring Contract covers arrangements – meetings and methods of communication
What to do if you want to change Mentor or if Mentor leaves company
Option to select new Mentor via executive in charge of Mentoring Programme
8.7 MENTORS AND MANAGERS

Everyone should appreciate that, fundamentally, the mentoring relationship happens ‘off
line’. In other words, the mentor has no direct line management role with their mentee.
However, it’s likely that the mentee’s line manager will take an interest and have some
participation in his or her development and, consequently, feel involved in the mentoring
activity. As mentioned previously, it is really important that the line manager is on board
and supportive of the process and it is in the mentor’s interest to do everything possible to
gain their co-operation and support.
To avoid any confusion and misunderstandings, here is a simple guide to the different
responsibilities and roles of Mentors and Line Managers – this can be adjusted to suit each
organisation’s way of working.

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Manager Shared Mentor
Performance appraisal Encourage Help develop insights

motivation to learn that could improve
performance
Agree developmental Shape goals Help manage integration

goals within current job beyond current job of job, career and
personal goals
Help build relationships Help build Help build relationships

within the team relationships outside with work colleagues
the team
Find opportunities to Find opportunities Challenge thinking and

stretch performance to stretch thinking assumptions
Give constructive Help develop Help mentee accept

feedback through observation and and use feedback
observation awareness skills constructively
It’s important to be aware that the manager’s day to day role is never taken over by the
mentor. Any developmental activity that is planned for the mentee should be viewed as a
joint responsibility and always in support of the managers’ position.
The Mentor’s role in helping the mentee develop insight, self-awareness and a better ability
to handle feedback should be of positive benefit to the line manager, as it assists them in
fulfilling their role and enhances the development of the individual reporting to them.
Generally, in well-run organisations, line managers will value the mentoring relationship
and the support and input of a mentor.

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Summary: Mentors and Managers
Mentoring happens off-line with no direct line management role with Mentee
Line Manager usually interested/wants to participate in Mentee’s development
Mentors need Line Manager’s support and co-operation
Understanding the different responsibilities of Mentors and Managers

Guide Chart to Shared and Separate Responsibilities
Mentor never takes over Manager’s day to day role

Mentoring helps Mentee develop self-awareness and handle feedback
Offers positive benefits to Managers and assists their role
Managers usually value support and input of good Mentors

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MENTORING AT WORK Mentor Training
9 MENTOR TRAINING
9.1 THE HELP A MENTOR OFFERS
We have covered key aspects of The Mentoring Process in Chapter 5 and what it takes to
be a good mentor in Chapter 6 – Becoming a Mentor.
Whether mentors are able to take advantage of mentor training opportunities offered at
their work place or if a would-be mentor wishes to train themselves, much of what they
need to know about the benefits for both the mentee and mentor has been covered in
previous chapters.
It may be helpful at this stage to look again at some of the key points as a reminder.
Mentoring is about sharing experience, providing guidance and inspiration
A way to help find solutions for individuals with their career and personal issues
It’s a powerful personal development tool
It’s empowering for both mentors and mentees
A partnership based on mutual trust and respect
It’s an effective way of helping individuals think about their career options and progress within
the organisation
Apart from personal and professional development, Mentoring offers:
Empowerment
Experience
Guidance
Partnership
Encouragement
Career progression
Trust
Increased self-reliance
Support
Improved performance
Increased potential
Skills development
It sends a positive message to the individuals working for an organisation

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Mentoring offers Mentees numerous other key benefits:

Enhances performance
Develops new skills
Refreshes motivation
Explores potential
Possible change of direction
Ability to break new ground
A partnership that offers mutual trust
Safe environment to let off steam
Recognises problems
Meets issues head on
Increases self-belief and levels of confidence
Builds emotional intelligence
Learning more quickly and effectively
Acquiring new perspectives
Experience and support of others
Chance to network with others
Opportunities to discuss work and personal issues with an experienced colleague
Improved understanding of themselves and their role
What the Mentor gains too in the process…
Acquiring new ways of working with people

The satisfaction of helping others
Building leadership skills
Mentoring experience added to personal/professional development plans
Developing a different and wider perspective of the organisation
Opportunities to update their own knowledge and skills
Improving their coaching and training skills
Chance to develop their own creativity through dealing with new problems and situations
Opportunity to share good practice
Increased commitment and loyalty to the organisation
Sense of achievement and fulfilment

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9.2 FACILITATING MENTORING SUPPORT

We have already touched upon the main aspects involved in ‘Becoming a Mentor’ (Chapter 6).
Here’s an overview of mentoring aimed at helping mentors give maximum support.
What is required of a Mentor to give their Mentee the support they need?
A clear perception of both roles

Understanding the need to maintain confidentiality and observe boundaries
Quickly establishing the ground rules
Building rapport to get things going
Managing expectations
Setting direction and agreeing goals and priorities
Focussing on achieving goals (Making use of The GROW Model)
Making good progress and managing the relationship effectively
Knowing when it’s necessary to seek assistance
Regularly reviewing progress
Moving on
9.3 THE ART OF LISTENING

A good mentor always needs to be a good listener. But listening is an art as well as a skill.
There is a difference between simply hearing and actively listening!
Here are some strategies you can use to enhance your listening skills:
Concentrate with your eyes and your ears

Maintain comfortable eye contact
Sit up straight to help you feel wide-awake and alert
Focus on the main themes of what’s being said rather than every word
Be interested otherwise your attention may wander
Next, think about the information you’re receiving and try to paraphrase what’s been said in
your own words. You’ll find it helpful to use sentences that begin:
So, am I right in thinking…?
I get the feeling you are telling me that…
From what you’ve said, I understand…
If you are uncertain what’s been said, always ask to gain clarification and understanding.
You can make use of phrases such as:
Tell me more about…
How did you feel when…?
What do you think is most important about this…?
If you could summarise what you’ve just told me in one or two sentences, what would you say?

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As a Mentor, there are a number of barriers you need to be aware of that may get in
the way of active listening
For instance, your mentee may well explore something that you have had personal experience
of and your mind could wander if you start to allow yourself to relive that event.
Or something they may say could suddenly remind you of a particular personal memory
and you may find it could influence your reaction to what your Mentee is trying to tell you.
Your own opinions and perceptions of the world can influence how you hear and react to
something the Mentee is telling you and you could begin to start judging them, particularly
if you hold negative views about the subject they are talking about.
As you start your mentoring session, your mood, whether good and upbeat or bad and
angry, will potentially affect your ability to focus. Your own private thoughts can also get
in the way. For example, you may find yourself thinking about that evening’s plans for
your social life or maybe there’s something in particular that’s worrying you, like personal
finance or health problems. So be mindful!
There may be ‘external’ distractions to listening too, such as background noise, phones
ringing, time pressures, how your day’s been, how you’re feeling or maybe just some people
moving around the office space within eyeshot.
Before you start your mentoring session you need to concentrate and free your mind
from any preoccupations so that you can listen properly. Be sure you’ve chosen the right
environment to meet – a location with the minimum distractions is best. And if possible,
have strategies ready to deal with them in the event.
Effective listening is helped if you can follow these rules:

Block out internal and external distractions
Maintain interest even if distractions do occur
Give verbal encouragement to show you are listening – non-judgemental acknowledgements
like ‘I see’, ‘Go-on’ and ‘Mmm’ all work well
Take notes when appropriate but, at the same time, try to maintain as much eye contact
as possible; make do with just a few words or phrases – enough to jog your memory
Utilise any pauses, they provide thinking time for both you and the mentee; try not to be
in a rush to fill the space with your next question
Remember, if you are to be a good and attentive listener, able to hear what is being said,
why it’s being said, it’s possible to tune in to what’s not being said as well.

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Everything you do as a Mentor depends on effective listening, as what you hear helps
you to decide what to do or say next.
Summary: The Art of Listening
Strategies to help you improve your listening skills:

Examples of barriers that detract from effective listening:
Identifying with mentee’s experiences
Allowing memories to influence you
Being judgemental when you disagree with Mentees opinions
Your own mood – good or bad!
Your private thoughts whether trivial or significant
External influences like noise or time pressures
The choice of environment and location for meeting
Tips to help you listen more effectively:

Block out internal and external distractions
Maintain interest and give verbal encouragement
Keep note-taking to a minimum
Hear what’s being said and why – tune in to what’s not being said
Effective listening is vital to help decide what to do and say next

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9.4 THE SKILL OF QUESTIONING

Effective and creative questioning is essential to help your mentee open up to you, become
aware of all sorts of possibilities and to achieve their goals and reach their potential.
Curiosity about an individual and using questions skilfully will help inform your understanding
of your mentee and uncover issues and problems as well as discovering their talents,
knowledge, values and ambitions.
There are no right or wrong answers, all your questions are intended to help them think
for themselves. At times, the right insightful question can cut to the heart of a problem,
challenge assumptions and negative beliefs, help an individual see a situation in a new light,
raise their awareness, open up new avenues and accept personal responsibility for their actions.
Open questions draw your mentee out as they offer the chance to see the bigger picture.
They encourage creative thought and help them explore ideas. Open questions are ones
that, in the main, can’t be answered with a simple Yes or No.
Example Closed Questions:
Does this happen all the time?

Are there any barriers in the way that will stop you?
Is that OK?
Is that all?
These can be made into Open Questions:
When does this happen?

What barriers might be in the way?
How do you feel about that?
What more can you tell me?
You need to be careful about asking ‘Why’ Questions as they generally draw a defensive
or limited response
Example:
Why did you do that?
Rather: What did you aim to achieve by your action/behaviour?
Why do you like that?
Rather: What is it that makes that special?

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Questions that demonstrate you respect them and know they can think for themselves will
help your mentee find their own solutions and make their own choices. Good start phrases
include ‘Tell me more about…’ or ‘You’ve mentioned a number of options, tell me about the
one that appeals to you the most?’
There are times when you will need to use challenging questions when a mentee demonstrates
negative or limited beliefs about themselves. Maybe they tell you they could never do
something, or lack the confidence to change something or, they think they haven’t a clue
what to do.
With careful questioning, you can challenge and expose their limiting beliefs and inhibitions
and help them choose the right path forward. For example, you could ask ‘What do you
think is stopping you?’ or ‘What do you need to believe so that you can do this?’ or ‘What would
you think you would do if you did know?’
There will be times when your mentee suffers from a lack of confidence and self-belief and
when this occurs they can indulge in negative self-talk and become critical of themselves
and of others. You can challenge this talk and get your mentee back on track by reframing
their comments from negative to positive.
They may ask you questions such as ‘Why are my writing skills so poor?’ or ‘Why can’t I sort
out this problem?’ or ‘Why does this always happen to me? Your response to turn this around
could be: ‘What evidence do you have that makes you believe this? What could you do to
improve these skills’, and ‘How can you start sorting out this problem?’ and ‘How can you turn
this around or make it work to your advantage?’ and so on.
Sometimes it’s useful to ask ‘What if ’ questions – ‘What would you do, if you were confident
about this? What would you do if this obstacle wasn’t in the way? What would you do if you
didn’t have to worry about the consequences?’ These types of questions give your mentee the
freedom to think more creatively.
Certain questions are aimed to check your mentee’s commitment usually when they have
agreed to take particular actions to achieve their goals. You can ask ‘What will you do?’ and
‘When will you do this?’ in order to nail things down.
All you need do is to make sure that your questions are clear and your mentee understands
them and why you are asking them. Always ask their permission if you think they are
sensitive about certain areas and avoid delving into emotional problems that would best
be dealt with by a professional counsellor or therapist. Try to use a variety of questioning
techniques, acknowledge your mentee’s answers positively and encourage them.

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Some Don’ts
• When you ask a question, try not to jump in too quickly to fill any silences; give
your mentee time to reflect and answer in their own time.
• Don’t ask complex or multi-layered questions as it could confuse your mentee and
get them off track.
• Don’t ask leading questions that set you up as the expert as this might limit their
own ideas and feelings.
• Don’t assume you know what they are going to say as this may lead to you missing
the point. You can’t assume their first answer is going to necessarily give you any
real insight to a situation.
• Don’t let your mentee take you off track – their answers may be interesting but if
they don’t directly relate to the subject you’re discussing you can always ask how
this information is relevant to moving forward with their situation.
One mentoring tool that you will find invaluable is making use of the GROW Model to
help you structure your session and get the most out of the time you spend together.
G.R.O.W. is an acronym for Goals, Reality, Options and Way Forward. After you have
begun your session and understood the issues or problems your mentee wants to talk through,
you can start to ask questions that will establish the main Goals the mentee wants to achieve.
Your skill is to ensure that you are able to identify the most important or pressing of these
goals and not to allow the mentee to set so many, that he or she feels overwhelmed.
Once you have agreed a single goal, or even several, your questions can be framed to discover
what is currently happening with this goal, the Reality of the present situation.
When you are sufficiently clear about this, it’s time to move on to drawing out all the
Options that are available to your mentee to achieve their goals. At this stage, it’s important
to allow your mentee to really think for themselves; your role is to tease the ideas from
them and encourage them to come up with as many choices as possible. Only then will
they be able to decide on the ones that will work best for them.
Finally, you agree the Way Forward; an action plan that pins down the steps they will
take resulting from the session moving them towards their goals plus a workable timetable
before you meet next time.

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More detailed information and example questions to help you fully understand and make
effective use of the GROW Model can be found in Chapter 10 Mentoring Tools.
Effective questioning, then, is a powerful tool to raise your mentee’s awareness and motivate
them to take the necessary actions to change for the better and be responsible for their
career progress and ultimate success.
Don’t be afraid of not getting your questioning right – it takes practice and you’ll get better
at it the more experience you have as a mentor.
Summary: The Skill of Questioning
Effective questioning is important to get mentee to open up

Being curious and using questions well gains better understanding of mentee
There are no right or wrong answers
Insightful questions can hit the target and reveal issues, challenge negative beliefs and open
up possibilities
Open questions work best
Examples of closed questions and how they can be changed to open ones
Avoid using questions beginning with ‘Why?’
Questions that challenge limited beliefs
‘What if…?’ questions
The need for clarity and understanding
Questions that check commitment
Ask permission before asking about potentially sensitive issues
Make use of variety of questioning techniques
Acknowledge replies and give encouragement
Allow enough time for mentee to think
Avoid confusion
Keep your mentee on track
Don’t make assumptions
The usefulness of The GROW Model

Details can be found in Chapter 10 Mentoring Tools
The acronym explained

Goals
Reality
Options
Way Forward
Skilful questions raise awareness and motivation

Don’t worry about getting it right all the time
Mentors improve their questioning skills with experience

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9.5 TRUST AND CONFIDENTIALITY

The basis of mentoring is to establish a relationship of trust. Any exchange between mentor
and mentee must remain confidential. It’s essential that a mentor respects a mentee’s
right to complete confidentiality about anything they discuss or reveal to you during the
mentoring session.
Following meetings, a mentor would not usually provide any feedback to the mentee’s line
manager unless the mentee has asked them to do so. If a situation arises which requires or
would benefit from third party intervention, the mentor must seek the mentee’s permission
before taking any action. Equally, if something crops up that the company’s mentoring
policy states should be disclosed, it can then be mutually agreed. Finally, and perhaps the
rarest exception, is to disclose information should it be required by law.
In cases where the company’s mentoring policy is involved, the terms of this should be
known by both mentee and mentor before any sessions commence, so it will be clear if
and when an occasion arises when a conversation is moving in this direction. To be sure to
abide by the rules, the mentor can alert the mentee in advance and the conversation can be
avoided. The mentor just needs to make sure the mentee is aware that certain information
will be shared with the appropriate person in the organisation. Mentees can then decide
for themselves if they still wish to go ahead with a particular disclosure.
In companies running a mentoring programme, there is usually a mentoring contract made

between mentor and mentee which will agree what can and what cannot be discussed (e.g.
salary reviews and performance appraisals or disciplinary responsibilities), and an agreement
about boundaries and confidentiality. Some companies specify that when an issue affects
performance, the organisation or work colleagues, certain actions should be taken. Be aware
that breaches of confidentiality by a mentor (or mentee) may result in disciplinary action
in some organisations.
So long as everyone concerned is clear about the terms of confidentiality, all will be well.
See Diagram 9.5 DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MENTOR AND MENTEE

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ART OF LISTENING
Handle barriers and SKILL OF QUESTIONING
distractions Use open questions
Listen actively Be clear and empathetic
Maintain interest Use G.R.O.W Model
Give encouragement Variety of techniques
‘Hear’ what’s being said helps raise awareness
and why
TRUST AND
CONFIDENTIALITY
Relationship based on
mutual trust
Know when to ask for help
Use Mentoring Contract
Understand Company
Mentoring Policy
Summary: Trust and Confidentiality
Relationship based on trust

Anything discussed by mentor or mentee remains completely confidential
Usually no feedback is given to Line Manager unless requested by mentee
Situations may be identified that would benefit from third party intervention
Abide by terms of Company Mentoring Policy
Mentees can choose to avoid conversations that may require disclosure
Action taken only with mentee’s permission
Information must be disclosed if it’s required by law
Company Mentoring Contract usually covers subjects that can and can’t be discussed, what
actions to take if performance, the organisation or colleagues are affected as well as clarifying
boundaries and confidentiality
9.6 PREPARING FOR A MEETING

Mentoring works well when it appears relaxed and natural, so the best results are achieved
with preparation on both sides. Here are some examples of ways of preparing for the
meeting. Mentors can prompt the mentee as and when they think it would be beneficial.

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For the Mentor For the Mentee
What kind of issues does the What are my main issues?

mentee wish to address? How do I feel about them?
Is the mentee ready to address What do I want to tackle this session?

these yet? Why do I want to tackle this now?
Are there any issues remaining from Is there anything I agreed to do last
the last meeting? time that I haven’t done?
What specific insights could I help Is there anything I’m avoiding?

the mentee acquire? What’s most important to me?
Do I have any example models or Are there any examples that would
useful documents relating to the illustrate this issue that would help
issues we intend to cover this time? me understand it more?
How have I helped so far? What outcomes do I want?

What outcomes do I want to avoid?
How well have I handled my role How, specifically, do I see my mentor

so far? helping me?
How should I pace the meeting? Where would I benefit most from a
new or different perspective?
How should we end this meeting? What else do I want to say?
What else could I do to help? How am I going to make the best use
of the time we have together?
9.7 RUNNING MEETINGS EFFECTIVELY

There is no one right way or technique in running a mentoring session. Each relationship
and every session is likely to require a different approach. The key is to be aware of the
needs of the mentee and be flexible and adaptable enough to use an approach that will
best meet those needs.
Here is an example outline of the process that may provide a helpful starting point. The
left hand column describes the interaction that may take place between mentor and mentee
and on the right, the internal thinking the mentor may experience during this interaction.

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Interaction Mentee:Mentor Internal thinking process for the Mentor
Mentee tells their ‘story’ (This could Listen and absorb the information about
be a specific event or issue, career the story and the person
history or part of their life story)
Mentor asks questions to gather Suspend any judgement, conclusions

details and helps mentee clarify or solutions that may start to form
any ambiguities or assumptions
Mentor summarises what they have Identify the work you think you need to
‘heard’ the mentee say and gives do to help mentee with the issue they
feedback about their responses to have chosen to bring to you
any issues raised
Mentor helps mentee to identify Select the best style of support you can
and focus on the main issues give mentee
Mentee works toward finding Assess resourcefulness of mentee as

resolutions to the issues they have conversation progresses
identified
Mentor encourages mentee to

consider their options and may offer Try to avoid giving solutions or advice
guidance on a particular issue
Frequency and format

How many times a year you decide to meet your mentee is very much up to you as the
Mentor and may also be influenced by company policy. Some mentors meet with their
mentees quarterly for an hour-long session. Other mentors like to make monthly meetings
to maintain the momentum and monitor progress more frequently.
Once meetings are scheduled, every effort should be made to avoid cancelling or postponing
sessions. Obviously there are times when urgent business commitments have to take precedence
but it is important to aim to rearrange meetings as soon as possible. Mentoring sessions
have to be arranged around holidays and any business trips so if you can plan ahead with
your mentee to allow for these dates, it will help to run the process more smoothly.
In your role as mentor it will be up to you to ensure that the agreed number of meetings
takes place over the year. If it’s helpful to your mentee and they give you permission, you can
approach their line manager before the meeting to get an idea of the mentee’s performance,
workload, etc.

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Don’t be tempted to refer to any of the confidential discussions you have held with your
mentee with that manager. The only exception is if your mentee has expressly requested
that you give some specific feed back to their manager. Again the company may have some
guidance or rules about contact with a mentee’s line manager.
Of course, mentees may request additional meetings when required and some of your
meetings may result in an action plan that requires you to take some extra steps before the
next meeting!
Location, location. Location! Meetings can take place internally or you may prefer to go
out for coffee or even lunch to get away from the work environment. These details can be
agreed once your mentoring relationship has been established. Sometimes the company may
agree to reimburse a level of expenses but check this out with your organisation in advance.
At the end of the session…

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Mentor and Mentee should review how effective they found the meeting. To do this you need
to assess the value of the session in relation to achieving the agreed goals. You both need to
agree action points, next steps and any necessary follow-up. Before you part, it’s essential
the mentee should confirm their total commitment to all the agreed actions and timetable.
Lastly, you both need to schedule the next meeting and to help keep the relationship ‘alive’,
remember, there is always the opportunity for contact via phone calls and emails between
mentoring sessions.
Example Mentoring Session Outline
This may help you structure your meetings:
Beginning
Agree a mutually acceptable meeting place and time when you will not be interrupted
Agree an end time and stick to it
Review the relationship and check for any problems or concerns of the mentee
Review anything significant that may have occurred since the last meeting
Revisit agreed action points from last meeting
Middle
Focus on mentee’s chosen issue or topics

Take time to explore issues in depth using active listening, reflecting thoughts back to them
Agree action points and record them
End
Summarise the session and record key details

Refocus on day-to-day matters
Arrange the date and time of next meeting
Restate action points and ensure your mentee is fully committed

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Summary: Running Effective Meetings
There is no one right way to run a mentoring session

Different approach needed for each relationship and session
Be flexible and adaptable to meet mentee’s needs
Example outline of interaction between mentee and mentor

Example of internal thinking process for mentor
Decide on frequency and format of meetings

How long is each session?
Try to avoid cancelling scheduled sessions
Factor in holidays and business commitments
May be helpful to talk to Line Manager with mentee’s permission
Mentees may request you to give Line Manager specific feedback
Mentees sometimes need additional meetings
Decide on location – at the office or away from work
Coffee or Lunch (Does the organisation cover expenses?)
At close of meeting:
Review progress in relation to achieving goals
Agree next steps and follow up
Ensure mentee is 100% committed to agreed action points/timings
Schedule next meeting
To help keep the relationship alive, contact can be maintained by phone and email
between sessions
Example Mentoring Session Outline to help structure meetings
9.8 DEALING WITH ISSUES/PROBLEMS

Learning how to deal with some of the problems or issues that may arise during a mentoring
session is very often accomplished by mentors through experience ‘on the job’. However, it
is helpful to have some guidelines and the advice given in Chapter 6 ‘Becoming a Mentor’
6.8 ‘The Boundaries – and When to Seek Help’ covers useful ground.
Let’s take a look at the main problem areas:
Avoid treading on the toes of your mentee’s line manager. Be sensitive to the manager’s role
and clear about their working relationship. You may feel it’s beneficial to meet with them
to discuss your mentee, usually with the latter’s permission, or it may be the policy of the
organisation you work for that a meeting takes place before mentoring begins. At such a
meeting, should any sign of ‘office politics’ enter the frame; always place your mentee’s
interests first.

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Recognise boundaries and be ultra-aware if you find yourself moving away from the role
of mentor and allow yourself to become too involved with your mentee’s work situation,
overprotective or start to show them any favouritism. You need to catch these behaviours
early and nip them in the bud!
Don’t allow any leeway for your mentee to update you on the latest office gossip! If they are
critical of a particular manager, admit to disliking a colleague or complain about a ‘certain
someone’ (for example) stealing their ideas (even if you find yourself secretly agreeing!),
always be impartial and objective with your responses.
Don’t be tempted to make things too easy for your mentee by giving them free access to
your valuable work data or network of contacts – always remain a challenging facilitator
and encourage them to do their own research and find their own path.
Be keenly aware of the dangers of crossing any counselling or therapy boundaries. There
may be occasions when your mentee reveals a serious personal problem that you’re not
qualified to deal with – you need to be alert to these moments and recognise it may be
the right time to ask for help. If you do feel you need to involve a third party, you should
agree with your mentee when and how to break the confidentiality rule.
However, if you set clear boundaries in advance with your mentee, you will both be more
aware when there’s a risk you are getting close to any areas of concern and you can take
avoiding action. Knowing just when to seek help is the key here.
Nearly all these eventualities will be covered by the Mentoring Agreement you can both
sign up to at the beginning of the mentoring relationship.
Always use your common sense in these matters, best to err on the side of caution!

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Summary: Dealing with Issues/Problems
Mentors will learn to handle issues through experience ‘on the job’
Refer to Chapter 6 ‘Becoming a Mentor’ 6.8 ‘The Boundaries – and When to Seek Help’
Understand the mentee’s line manager’s role in the mentoring relationship
Check organisation’s policy about meeting line manager, access to mentee’s job description
or career appraisals – in advance
Always act in the best interests of your mentee
Avoid becoming too involved, overprotective or championing your mentee
Respect boundaries and nip any ‘inappropriate’ behaviour in the bud!
Don’t leave your mentee any leeway to pass on office gossip
Don’t offer so much help it makes office life too easy for your mentee; remain the challenging
facilitator
Be aware of the dangers of crossing the counselling/therapy boundary
If mentee reveals a serious personal problem; recognise if you’re not qualified to deal with it
Know when it’s time to ask for help
Agree with mentee when and how to break confidentiality rule
Be aware of the benefit of setting boundaries in advance and take avoiding action if you’re
getting close to trouble
Check out the organisation’s existing Mentoring Agreement
Ensure both of you sign up to it
Use your common sense!

97
MENTORING AT WORK Mentoring Tools
10 MENTORING TOOLS
10.1 THE G.R.O.W. MODEL
GROW is a simple and effective framework that you, as a mentor, can make use of when
you meet with your mentee to explore their aims and ambitions. It’s a model that will help
you identify and review goals, find out what’s happening now in relation to these goals,
look into the choices your mentee has to help them achieve their objectives and finally, pin
down the steps they will take to move them forward and achieve the agreed goals .
GROW is an acronym:
G represents the mentee’s GOALS What do they want to happen?

R represents their REALITY What is happening now?
O represents their OPTIONS What could they do?
W represents their WAY FORWARD What will they do?
Mentoring doesn’t aim to offer set prescriptions for mentees as each individual is unique
but you will find it helpful to work through each of these stages with your mentee to reveal
their thoughts about their career and ambitions and uncover any potential barriers that may
be holding them back. There are many questioning styles you will find useful but usually
open questions help you draw out your mentee.
GROW helps you guide the mentee through the process of identifying their goals; recognise
the reality of their situation in relation to each goal; explore all the options they have and
then, finally get them to commit to a series of actions that will take them closer to achieving
their goals.
Before exploring each of the four GROW stages in detail with your mentee; there are
two key values you should be sure are at the heart of the mentoring process – awareness
and responsibility.
You will be able to create your own questions and improve your questioning technique over
time. As a guide, here are some example questions you may find useful. Remember, they
should be adapted and tailored to each individual mentee.

98
10.2 G.R.O.W. – EXAMPLE QUESTIONS
G – Goals
What do you want to achieve in this session and ultimately?

(If stated negatively, how could you state that positively?)
How will you know when you have achieved it?
When do you want to have achieved it by?
How will you measure your achievement along the way?
If you could have this right now, would you take it?
R – Reality
What’s happening now regarding this issue or goal?

What specifically have you done so far towards achieving this?
What stopped you in the past (from doing more)?
How much control do you personally have over the outcome?
(Who or what else is involved?)
How do you think you may have contributed to this issue or situation?
What’s your main concern about this goal or challenge?
What resources do you have already to help you achieve this? For example: skills, time,
money, energy, support etc.)
What extra resources will you need and where could you get them?
Who else may be affected by this goal?
Who could you ask for help to achieve this goal?
O – Options
What are the different ways that you could approach this issue?
What else could you do? Think of as many options as possible.
What if you had more time/control/money/power or energy?
What if you knew you couldn’t fail?
What if you were advising a friend?
If you could start from scratch, what would you do?
Who do you know (or know of) who is already achieving this?
What do they do? What’s the secret of their success?
I know you can’t think of any other options, but if you could, tell me three more things you can do

99
W – Will or Way Forward
Which of your options will give you the best result?

Which option appeals to you most or feels best?
So which options will you choose? Prioritise option by option if more than one by asking:
Will this option take you closer to your final goal?
What could happen to stop you? What obstacles might you need to overcome?
Who, if anyone needs to know your plans?
What extra support do you need and from whom?
What will you do to obtain their support and when will you/they do it?
When will you start? Date and time
On a scale of 1–10, how certain are you that you will take this action?
What stops it being 10/10?
What could you do to raise your score to 10/10?
What could I do to support you?
10.3 CHECKLIST FOR MENTORS (EXAMPLE)

Tick the appropriate column for each item to indicate your view of the stage you’ve reached
Strongly Strongly
Agree Disagree
Agree Disagree
Rapport building
We have established a good understanding
I feel relaxed in our meetings
We understand and respect each other’s

feelings and opinions
We respect any confidences we share
I feel confident about our relationship
Direction setting
We have established clear goals
We have agreed the objectives, our broad

approach and ways to measure progress
We can explore differences of opinion and

work through them constructively
I feel comfortable in challenging my mentee

100
Strongly Strongly
Agree Disagree
Agree Disagree
Progress making
The agenda for our meetings is being set

increasingly by the mentee
Responsibility for managing the relationship is

resting increasingly with them
The balance of power in our relationship

rests increasingly with them
We have recognised achievement of goals

and milestones
We have a positive, supportive, nurturing

relationship
I am much more confident the mentee can

cope with new or demanding situations than
when we began
Closedown
We have largely achieved all the goals we set
The mentee can now tackle most situations

confidently without my help
I feel the mentee has reached a good level

of self-sufficiency
The mentee is in danger of becoming too

dependent on me for advice and support
We have become friends at a professional level

101
10.4 MEETING FORM FOR MENTEES

An example of a simple form you can use and give to mentees to encourage them to make
notes and help them prepare for meetings and take agreed actions afterwards
MENTORING PROGRAMME
PRE-MEETING NOTES
______________________________________________________________________
ISSUES TO RAISE: DATE OF MEETING:
______________________________________________________________________
SUMMARY
______________________________________________________________________
LEARNING ACHIEVED:
ACTIONS:
ISSUES FOR NEXT SESSION:
HOW WELL DID THE MEETING RUN?

102
10.5 SOME USEFUL GOAL-SETTING TOOLS

When you are working with your mentee to establish their objectives and goals, remember
that any goals you set should always be for the good of the individual and of others; and
ensure that they are always legal and ethical.
There are many popular acronyms to aid the goal setting process. Here are three that will
help you remember the most important elements as you work with your mentees.
Goals should be R.A.W.
-- Realistic
-- Attainable
-- Worthwhile
Goals should be S.M.A.R.T.
-- Specific
-- Measurable
-- Achievable
-- Realistic
-- Time-bounded
Goals should be P.U.R.E.
-- Positively stated
-- Understood
-- Relevant
-- Ethical

103
MENTORING AT WORK Conclusion
11 CONCLUSION
There are several misconceptions that can potentially hold back individuals training to
become mentors or signing up as mentees, and even deter organisations from launching
their own in-house mentoring schemes.
For one, senior managers and executives may harbour doubts about learning how to become
a mentor and their ability to fulfil the role. This can fuel old insecurities and even reveal a
reluctance to take on the challenge of mastering new skills for today’s business environment.
There’s also a school of thought that talented (and costly) new recruits should be more than
able to find their own way within the existing management structure which will doubtless
include an HR department offering a number of conventional training schemes. But can they
just be expected to integrate without any specific interaction with experienced role models?
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104
MENTORING AT WORK Conclusion
My aim is to dispel the view that simply by finding and employing good people, essential
guidance like mentoring isn’t that necessary. Of course, it’s a prerequisite for any company
to search for and hire the best available talent, but in practice, as soon as they come on
board the real work of managing them well and helping them to flourish and develop their
skills, begins.
Everyone needs direction, motivation, goals, feedback and guidance as well as ways to
develop their people skills that will improve their overall performance and deliver results.
And that goes for even the most outstanding people too! This vital career support can be
achieved by giving them access to the company’s pool of good, effective mentors.
It’s certainly the case that over the last decade organisations, large and small, are eschewing
the hands-off approach in favour of adopting mentoring schemes that give their most valuable
asset – their people – what they need to make the most of their capabilities.
That investment includes identifying and training existing senior executives to become
mentors who, in turn, will act as strong, inspiring role models for new talent.
So it’s a win-win situation for the company and for the workforce. The very fact that
mentoring is offered as a serious benefit to new recruits can be the clincher for ambitious
people to come and work there – and go on to contribute something special to the success
of the organisation.

105

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4 What do People Want from Work? 20

© Deloitte & Touche LLP and affiliated entities.

Deloitte & Touche LLP and affiliated entities.

5 The Mentoring Process 24

8 Starting a Company Scheme 64

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If you run an organisation intending to set up an in-house mentoring programme or

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“Emotional Capital is the intangible organisational asset created by employees’ cumulative

– A useful definition from bnet.com

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Summary: What is Emotional Capital?

2.2 WHY EMOTIONAL CAPITAL IS SUCH A VALUABLE ASSET

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Summary: Why Emotional Capital is a Valuable Asset

The need to understand and effectively manage human capital

2.3 HOW MENTORING HELPS

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Summary: How Mentoring Helps

Copes with pace of change/facilitates development needs

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The name for these human talents is emotional

All rights reserved.

Bring your talent and passion to a

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The main EI competencies are demonstrated via self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation,

See Diagram 3.1 The Five EI Competencies.

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Diagram 3.1 THE FIVE EI COMPETENCIES

Summary – What is Emotional Intelligence?

The main EI competencies:

IQ measures academic intelligence and cognitive capacities

Good mentors aim to improve your EI

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3.2 WHY EI IS IMPORTANT TO THE SAVVY EMPLOYER

To sum-up, the main framework of EI competences include:

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Summary – Why EI is important to the Savvy Employer

Learn how to manage emotions better

Main framework of EI Competences:

Employers seek people with good EI

Improving EI enhances many skills including:

EI can be learned and cultivated in people

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4 WHAT DO PEOPLE WANT

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Summary: Everyone is an individual

Everyone has individual needs and expectations from work

4.2 KEY VALUES AND FACTORS AT WORK

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Summary: Key Values and Factors at Work

It’s important to understand different needs and values of the individual:

Being valued, respected and appreciated

Mentoring can help identify individuals’ motivation

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5 THE MENTORING PROCESS

4 What do People Want from Work? 20

4 WHAT DO PEOPLE WANT