Student Response - ESL A* Article 1

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HOSTING A SPORTING EVENT - DISASTROUS FOR THE COUNTRY

In recent times a significant number of unique countries has stepped up to hosting some of the major
international sporting events all around the world, including the Maldives. It would surely increase the
national pride and profile of sport in the country. However, I do not believe that we have the necessary
resources to host such tournaments yet!

First of all, the finance which is required is immense. It costs billions and billions of dollars for the
changes in infrastructure when hosting such tournaments. The reality is that at present we do not have
enough sources to pool such a colossal capital to fund it. In my opinion, taking a loan may not be a
feasible option as it will further increase the debts of the country.

Another problem that may arise due to this is the detrimental effects on our culture and religion due to
this event. The influence from people of different parts of the world may lead to the adoption of foreign
cultures and values. As a result, we may possibly accept their ways and views to be more superior to our
long lasting traditional norms and customs.

In conclusion, although hosting an international sporting event could be economically beneficial for the
host, it is my contention that for our country it may not be financially viable to host it, and even if we
did, our culture and traditional ways of life may be at risk.

STRUCTURAL ANALYSIS
Introduction:
Time fixer: In recent times
Generalisation: a significant number of
Issue: hosting a major sporting event
Opinion: However, I do not believe that…

Body paragraph 1 (talks about the financial aspect)

Topic sentence: the finance which is required is immense.
Support 1: changes in infrastructure will cost money
Support 2: not enough resources to pool the capital
Support 3: taking a loan is not feasible as it increases debt

Student Response - ESL A* Article | Structural Analysis by Fsams – © 2014

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Body paragraph 2 (talks about religious and cultural impact)

Topic sentence: the detrimental effects on our culture and religion due to this event.
Support 1: adoption of foreign cultures and values
Support 2: accept their ways of life to be more superior
- our long lasting norms will be affected.

Conclusion:
Summing up discourse marker: In conclusion
Reiteration of the main argument: although hosting….
Strong opinion: it is my contention that..
Poignant language: our culture and traditional ways of life may be at risk.

Comments:
This is indeed a very well-structured opinion article. The student has used relevant and strong arguments
and vocabulary. The response is likely to end up at the high mark band (8-9 marks) for both content
and language. In particular, the paragraphs have been developed well. Each of the body paragraphs has
a central topic which is then substantiated with supporting evidence – this is called Idea Development.
It is an important skill that ESL teachers need to teach the students.

Tip:
When I used to teach ESL back in 2009, I used to take separate sessions on idea development. I’d give
them a topic and ask them to compose a body paragraph using a clear topic sentence and at least two
support sentences. (You could then ask the students to do a structural analysis of the paragraph). Believe
me it works!

Advice to ESL teachers:

Avoid simply giving the article question and asking them to write an answer! Provide your students with
a database of information regarding the topic. Let them research, come up with ideas and prepare a
structure of their article. Take separate lessons on introduction, idea development and conclusion.

Best wishes,
Mohamed Sujaau aka Fsams
Owner & Admin @ ibatefl.com – Sharing makes a difference!

Student Response - ESL A* Article | Structural Analysis by Fsams – © 2014