Relationships Are Not Random

In all aspects of your life, you will feel a greater sense of satisfaction
and less stress if you maintain a sense of control. You have to
recognize
that your decisions shape your life, regardless of what else might be
happening around you. A healthy relationship will foster the sense
that
your decisions matter, while an unhealthy relationship will make you
feel that your decisions are irrelevant.
MADGE AND EDDIE have been married for more than seven decades.
During
their marriage they’ve seen twelve presidents come and go.
What put so much staying power in their wedding vows? “Love,”
says Madge. “That’s all.”
There was, of course, mutual respect and patience. And what Madge
calls “a Midwestern mind-set, a sort of stick-to-itiveness common
among
folks from a certain time.”
Eddie says their arguments helped a lot, too—little disagreements,
each
followed quickly by forgiveness. “We’d get mad. We might not speak
to
each other. But later that day, you wouldn’t know it,” says Eddie.
“Well,” Madge adds, “he might pout for a while.”
For Madge, such marital know-how comes from “good old common
sense. You have to give and take. But you’ve got to keep control of
yourself
all the time. Never take it too far.”
If things were too much for Madge, she took an occasional weekend
for herself. “I still like to be alone sometimes,” she says. “If you can’t
stand yourself, how can you stand anybody else?”
But, as Madge is quick to point out, “I’m still in love. I love the old
bugger and wouldn’t want to get rid of him.”
People with a sense of control in their lives, in both career and
relationship,
were 66 percent more likely to report feeling happy and satisfi ed.
(Chou and
Chi 2001)