BEING A MAN Who is a father? NHLANHLA MKHIZE!, oc Lecturer in The School of Psychology, University of KwaZulu-Natal, argues that « socio-cultural approach to understanding masculine identity is more appropriate in South Africa than the We approach. atherhood needs to be studied because fathers are an essential component of the family, which, in turn, has been acknowledged as one of the most important units of society, in relation to the well-being and especially the nurturing and protection of children; (Nsamenang, 2000). The family, however, seems to be in crisis worldwide. The UNESCO report of 1991 reported that “in the family system of every human society, incomplete families emerge due to various reasons ~ demographic, economic or social: such as the death or divorce of a spouse, partition of the family or migration’ (p. 11). ‘A dramatic increase in the number of ‘non-intact’ families (biological father absent, non-biological father present or absent, or simply single-headed households) and female-headed households has been reported in the literature. This, phenomenon has been associated with an increase in the number of children living in poverty. For historical reasons, poverty tends to be more pronounced among single-headed African-American households (Mintz, 1998). One could argue that given the historical similarities, the same holds for African women in South Africa. Research into why fathers engage or disengage with their chitdren could thus be an important link in promoting the well-being of the child ‘We also need to study fatherhood because it is important to understand how males make decisions concerning reproductive health (Anderson, 1997; Magnani et al., 1995). For a long period, reproductive health studies have focused on the female. A better understanding is needed of male perspectives on fertility 1, Acknowledgment: This paper is based on a seties of presentations organised by the Human Sciences Research Council as part of the Fatherhood Project (See www:hsre.ac.zafatherhood and ChildrenFIRST, Vol. 8, No. 54. pp 16-20.) tern individualistic family planning and HIV/AIDS, given that males play an important, if not dominant, ole in decisions regarding childbearing and fertility, especially in sub-Saharan Africa. Itis thus important to understand what motivates people to father children. Fatherhood as identity This paper contends that fatherhood is an identity project. It is intertwined with the process by means of which mien come to an understanding of who they are their sense of identity in society. Fatherhood does not occur in a vacuum: itis a socio- moral process informed by the dominant discourses of what it mgans to be a man in ‘one’s society. In this short paper, it is argued that traditional understandings of identity formation in terms of intra-psychic processes (i.e, as a progressive unfolding of psychological processes from within a person) hinder the recognition of fatherhood as a social, moral and relational process. Neither is the tendency to understand fatherhood in biological terms sufficient, The socio-cultural psychological tradition, which conceptualises identity formation in social, historical, political and ideological terms, provides better tools to Understand fatherhood. This is particularly so in contexts characterised by rapid social changes. The socio-cultural approach is in line with Heamn’s (1989, 1992, 1994) position. Hearn has called for debates about fatherhood to be more explicitly gendered and to be more about power. A gendered approach understands fatherhood as social rather than natural: fatherhood is interconnected with the social production and reproduction of masculinities and men’s practices. The individualistic tradition in psychology In traditional psychology, self- understanding ~ the process by means of IN SOUTH AFRICA ChildrenFIRST * July/August 2004BEING A MAN How do we explain the fact that someone can be a good father for the first five years of his child's life, and then abandon fatherly responsibilities later? Does it mean that the person no longer understands the principles by means of which we make sense of right and wrong? ChildrenFIRST + July/August 2004 IN SOUTH AFRICA which we come to develop a sense of who wwe are ~ is individualistic. It is characterised by an increasing differentiation of the self from the social and cultural context. Identity formation is a project characterised by the discovery of one’s inner essences (hence, the focus on hierarchically-organised stages of psychosocial development). This tradition conceptualises identity in terms of ‘sameness’ of self-continuity over time. From this perspective, the ability to distinguish right from wrong or moral and ethical decision-making, which is implicit in any discussion of fatherhood, consists of ‘a movement away from social and cultural influences, toward an abstract understanding that is guided by rules and principles such as justice and fairness. We would thus expect a morally mature man to refrain from abandoning his child, because it is not fair to the child to do so: nor is it r to abdicate the responsibility of raising the child to the mother alone. The individualistic moral paradigm The individualistic moral paradigm implies the following: 1 Anyone who has reached a mature stage of moral reasoning, defined in terms of principles such as fairness and justice, will know what it means to be a good father. 1 Failure to assume one’s responsibilities asa father is an indication of an incomplete moral process ~ a form of arrested psychological development. It is individual failure Problems with the paradigm Four main problems with this tradition are reviewed: the tendency to draw sharp distinctions between our ‘inner’ and ‘outer’ lives; the paradigms inability to account for changes and contradictions in self- understanding and changing family patterns; the neglect of culturally varied understandings of fatherhood; and the effects of history and colonisation on masculinities. (The Distinction between what is ‘inside’ and ‘outside’ the person Individualism draws sharp distinctions between what is ‘inside’ the person (thoughts, emotions, etc.) and the social world, The individual and society are mutually exclusive: they cannot co-exist. ‘Such an approach makes it difficult to understand the influence of social and cultural factors on fatherhood. For example, in traditional African societies, ‘one does not become a father simply because one has sired children. Social parenthood is established through the imbeleko sacrifice, a ritual by which the newborn is introduced to his or her family community and abaphansi (the community of the departed) (Ramose, 2002). Prior to this, the newborn has no socially designated status and parenthood has not been established. Focusing on the biological or the psychological aspects of fatherhood ignores this social dimension. It is possible that unwillingness to assume fatherly responsibilities is attributable to the breakdown of the social and communal structures that gave meaning to parenthood. This point is explored below. (i) Tensions-and contradictions inherent in self-understanding Fatherhood is not a single, unchanging concept. It needs to be understood in context and time. For example, how do we explain the fact that someone can be a good father for the first five years of his child’s life, arid then abandon fatherly responsibilities later? Does it mean that the person no longer understands the principles by means of which we make sense of right and wrong? How is such a regression possible, given the forward- directed, progressive nature of psychological development envisaged in the individualistic moral paradigm? Changes and contradictions in self- understanding can only be explained by social and historically constructed notions of fatherhood. Further, biological or purely psychological accounts of fatherhood cannot account for the structural changes that are taking place in our families. Writing with reference to the American situation, which in my view is no different from the South African, Bianchi (1995) and Mintz (1998) note that it is not ‘uncommon for a child growing up in the 1990s (and in the new millennium) to have a stepfather living with him or her on a regular basis. Also, many children will experience irregular contact with their biological and/or stepfather as the boundaries of the family change frequently uring the course of a child’s time athome. Fathers themselves are being called upon to re-think their positions several times in their lives: they may begin as biological fathers, then later become in- home fathers, out-of-home distant fathers, only later to become stepfathers while remaining in contact with their own biological children. Likewise, children will have to define and re-define their relationships with their parents as these men move in and out of their lives. The question is: what form does or should fatherhood take in such circumstances? An individualist account of fatherhood cannot help us to deal with the question of fatherhood in the context of change. (iii) Fatherhood in different cultural contexts Biological or purely psychological accounts of fatherhood cannot explain historical changes to the traditional African conception of the family; nor can they help us to come to terms with changes — brought about by colonisation, urbanisation and forced migrant labour — to what it means to bé a man. While in Western cultures the nuclear family is the dominant family pattern, in many sub- Saharan countries, the family is defined in much broader terms, to include the extended family. By birth and marriage, people become members of extensive social networks in which kin and supportive friends attempt to promote a sense of belonging. Within such a system, children do not belong to their biological parents: other family members are expected to take an active responsibility for the well-being of their relatives’ children. Thus, one’s father’s brother is The Fatherhood Project is an initiative of the Human Sciences Research Council. ane BEING A MAN also one’s father, is addressed as such, and is expected to behave'in a manner deserving of a father. Individualistic accounts of fatherhood also fail to take into consideration the historical role of the father within the family in many traditional societies (Nsamenang, 2000). In such societies, the father assumed a critical role in decision making, enforcing standards of behaviour among the children. He was also expected to be the first person to be informed.or consulted in the event of the children _getting sick and the like. The image of the father was thus one of an important social figure: an esteemed member of the community. In most Black societies, it is the father who can confer a social identity on the child by naming him or her (Nsamenang, 2000). He carries considerable authority, even after his death (as prescribed by the tradition of respect for elders). The father's position in the community determines the social status and lifestyle of his family; his success accords status and prestige to his wife and children. This esteemed position of the father (male) came under severe challenge during colonisation. Currently, it continues to be challenged by the upward mobility of women, socially and economically. Fatherhood should be seen not in individualistic terms but with reference to this challenge, as discussed below. The question is: how do men define and re-define themselves in response to this challenge? ‘We should never lose sight of the fact that fathers derived their position and power from cultural prescriptions of manhood. These prescriptions determined the roles and responsibilities of family members in general. One of these that the man did not take an active role in child care, which was delegated primarily to the mother and other female relatives. There were, however, positive aspects to fatherhood. and manhood built into the cultural system, and these should not be lost. Being a man and a father meant being able to exercise self-restraint. This entailed, among other things, not prescriptions unfortunately meant ~ IN SOUTH AFRICA We should never lose sight of the fact that fathers derived their position and power from cultural prescriptions of manhood. ChildrenFIRST * July/August 2004