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Daily Lessons with Simon, ex-IELTS examiner

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

IELTS Writing Task 2: 'economic progress' essay
Here's the full essay that I wrote with my students for the question below.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some
people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People have di�erent views about how governments should measure their countries’
progress. While economic progress is of course essential, I agree with those who believe
that other measures of progress are just as important.

There are three key reasons why economic growth is seen as a fundamental goal for
countries. Firstly, a healthy economy results in job creation, a high level of employment,
and better salaries for all citizens. Secondly, economic progress ensures that more money is
available for governments to spend on infrastructure and public services. For example, a
government with higher revenues can invest in the country's transport network, its
education system and its hospitals. Finally, a strong economy can help a country’s standing
on the global stage, in terms of its political in�uence and trading power.

However, I would argue that various other forms of progress are just as signi�cant as the
economic factors mentioned above. In particular, we should consider the area of social
justice, human rights, equality and democracy itself. For example, the treatment of
minority groups is often seen as a re�ection of the moral standards and level of
development of a society. Perhaps another key consideration when judging the progress of
a modern country should be how well that country protects the natural environment, and
whether it is moving towards environmental sustainability. Alternatively, the success of a
nation could be measured by looking at the health, well-being and happiness of its
residents.

In conclusion, the economy is obviously a key marker of a country’s success, but social,
environmental and health criteria are equally signi�cant.

(262 words, band 9)

Posted by Simon in IELTS Writing Task 2 | Permalink

Comments
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A key marker
Equally signi�cant
Environmental sustainability
Country's standing on a global stage
Trading power

Clear ,neat , and coherent .

Thank you Simon :)

Posted by: Lala | Wednesday, July 20, 2016 at 10:35

thank you simon.
Posted by: ben | Wednesday, July 20, 2016 at 15:28
thanks Simon.

Posted by: Huyen | Wednesday, July 20, 2016 at 15:43

Thanks Simon!

Posted by: Sea | Wednesday, July 20, 2016 at 17:31

Thank you Simon for your article. I have a question regarding the structure of the essay. The question
asks us to "discuss both views and give your own opinion". You only discussed one side and then
provided your opinion without discussing the other side of the argument in the question, or can I
understand that you combined your opinion with the view that you agree with? Is this approach
acceptable in the exam?

Many thanks in advance!

Posted by: Lynn | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 01:45

Lynn

An IELTS essay is not long enough to fully analyse both sides separately, and then give another
paragraph about your opinion. In a 'discuss both sides' question, it's a good idea to choose the side
you agree with more, and use that as the basis for your opinion. This is logical.

Posted by: sjm | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 03:03

Dear Simon,

I have noticed that you wrote sentences like

- museums often put more of an emphasis on enjoyment

- hobbies are relatively easy, while others present more of a challenge

Could you help to explain the di�erences between more and "more of"?

Can I write

- museums often put more emphasis on enjoyment

- hobbies are relatively easy, while others present more challenge

Thanks

Posted by: Nmtuan2k | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 04:52

I have a question about below setence:

a strong economy can help a country’s standing on the global stage

how to explain the grammar of can help a country's standing ?

thanks in advance

Posted by: niuxiufeng | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 08:34

Nmtuan2k

We use 'more' + uncountable nouns or plural nouns (because they usually don't have articles)

For example: I need more time. I would like to have more friends.

When the noun has an article, possessive or this/that, we use 'more of'.

For example: Would you like more of my cake? This one is more of a problem.

In your examples, you can say 'more emphasis' because 'emphasis' has an uncountable form.
'Challenge' however, doesn't have an uncountable form, so we have to use the singular: 'more of a
challenge'.

Niuxiufeng

'a strong economy' is the subject

'can help' is the verb
'a country's standing on the global stage' is the object
'standing on the global stage' means the international reputation of a country. You could write this
sentence as:

A strong economy can improve a country's international reputation.

Posted by: sjm | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 11:40

Lynn, that is a good question and sjm has already given you a very helpful answer.

Personally, in a task which asks you to 'discuss both views and give your own opinion', I begin my
topic sentence: "On the other hand, I agree with those who argue that......." I make this the beginning
of my paragraph 3, having already discussed the view that I DISAGREE with in paragraph 2. This
then leads logically to your conclusion.

Posted by: pete walton | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 13:15

Greetings, dear fellows. i am in crying need for your help. I would like to �nd out how can I get band
score 9 in IELTS writing.
1. How can I get it?
2. Can I use quotations of famous people? How do I use them?
3. Is it posiible to use idioms?
4. What are the key points of writing task 2?
5. How can I organize problem-solution essay?
Please, Your advice is vital for me.

Posted by: Feckro | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 13:32

can you give some advises on my essay?
----------------------------

Economy is considered as the most important part by many governments when they are making
decisions. But many people including me think that there are other aspects same important as
economy, and we believe these other aspects should be considered as important as economy.

It is no doubt that a healthy economic system is the basic need for a country. It can provide job
opportunities, increase public budget, and improve people's life qualities. And with the economic
development, the country can play a bigger part in the international trading systems. This can bring a
lot of bene�ts to the people in the country. China is a good example. With the great economic
progress during last few decades, China has become one of the most powerful countries in the world,
and Chinese people's life qualities have been greatly improved.

But economic progress is not, and should not be the only goal to the governments. To build a better
country there are other goals which are equally important to achieve. An impartial legal system, for
example, is also important, sometimes even more important than the economic progress. It can
provide justice to everyone, making them feel safe in the country. And it can provide a fair
environment for the companies to compete in the local market without worrying being beaten by
cheating. If the economy is engine to the country, the laws are the guiding system. This is why USA
became the most developed country in the world.

To be conclusion, I agree that economic progress is a very important goal to a government, but in the
mean time I also believe that other aspect such as legal systems cannot be ignored when proceeding
economic development. They should be treated equally in the public policies.

(293 words)

Posted by: Leon | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 14:33

Can someone help me in reviewing my essay:

Some governments believe that economic growth would be the most important factor of a country’s
development, but several people think that there are other aspects that are just as important as
economic progress. The following essay will discuss about both opinion in details, but I personally
think that there are other important factors besides economic that a�ecting a country’s development.

On the one hand, it is obvious that economic progress would play a vital role in the development of a
country. It is undeniable that when a country’s economic sector developed, it means that the
government would have surplus budget. With the su�cient budget, the government could expand
public infrastructures, develop public health facilities, improve education systems and upgrade their
military equipment. It can be seen that economic progress facilitate the improvement of many other
sectors, therefore many governments set economic growth as their main priority.

On the other hand, some people think that economic progress could not be achieved without the
development of other crucial sectors. Firstly, governments must focus on improving the education
system in their country. It is a fact that to have a good economic development, a country must have
skilled and trained workers. To have those productive labors, governments must provide good and
quali�ed education facilities. Secondly, a country’s economic sector could not grow without a
stabilized political condition. It is undeniable that a country’s safe and secure condition would attract
investors in investing their money in the country which boost the economic sector. Therefore, it is
also important for the government to maintain and improve their political condition.

In conclusion, I would agree with the statement that says economic growth is a vital element for a
country’s development. But I also believe that there are other sectors that the government should be
concerned with such as education and political condition.

Posted by: DLS | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 16:37

Hi, Simon
Thank you for posting the sample for us.
However, I still feel confused about how to using "I" and "we" in an essay because my English teacher
said that it is not formal to use "I" and "we" while writing an essay.
Is it acceptable in this kind of questions which ask "your opinion"?
I hope you can give me some suggestions.
Thank you very much!!

Posted by: Lyneko | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 19:57

Lyneko

IELTS invites you to express your opinion, and also to use examples from your personal experience,
so it is perfectly �ne to occasionally use the word 'I'. In fact, it is di�cult to express your opinion
without using 'I' or 'my'. Simon has also mentioned this a few times, such as:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/01/ielts-writing-task-2-using-the-word-i.html

'We' is a bit di�erent. In English, there are a few ways to express the idea of 'everyone', such as 'we'
'you' and 'people' (and others). There is nothing wrong with using 'we' to mean everyone, but you
have to be careful. Firstly, don't mix it with 'you' 'they' or 'people'. If you use 'we', stay with 'we'.
Secondly, it does give essays a bit more informality, and if the rest of your essay is written in a very
formal style, it may add an inconsistent 'tone'.

Posted by: sjm | Thursday, July 21, 2016 at 22:40

Dear sir,
�rst of all thanks a lot for this amazing website, however i am su�ering in writing part i need 6.5,
unfortunately i got only 5.5.
so want to share my writing with others to know my mistakes, and this is the introduction for this
essay.

It is true that economic progress plays an essential role in the prosper of the country. however,others
believe, i strongly agree with them, there are di�erent aspects which as the same important as the
economic progress.

is it a good introduction?

Posted by: Hager | Sunday, July 24, 2016 at 10:34

Respected sir,
I am not able to make good essay and scored 5.5 writing please help me how to score more

Posted by: Gaurav rana | Sunday, July 24, 2016 at 19:27

Dear Simon:
This was the question in my 7.14 writing test, could you please help to check my essay?
Topic:People still greatly value artists(such as musicians, painters, writers) as the world is focusing on
advanced technology and science.
Why do you think this is?
Are the arts as important to people's lives as technology?

Essay:Although the world is in the era that is in desperate need of advanced science and technology,
artists such as musicians, painters and writers are still respected and adored. People favor these
artists for many reasons, and I assume it as a positive trend, because art is as vital as technology to
our lives.

A lot of factors attribute to this phenomenon. Firstly, people who live in this age work or study under
huge pressures, and arts can help to soothe their moods or feel relieved from overloaded daily work.
Secondly, Although art has little help on our physical life, but it's psychological impact should not be
underestimated. For example, a person will pursue psychological achievements once he or she has no
worry about their basic daily need to gain satisfaction. So they will appreciate the artists who made
those masterpieces.

Moreover, I reckon that art and technology are equally essential to people's lives. On the one hand, I
will not deny the importance of technology, as it boosts our society and satisfy our curiosity to an
unknown world by constantly making new inventions and discoveries. On the other hand, art also
plays a vital role in our life. One reason is that it makes our life more colorful, because it spirits us up
from repeated daily work. Another reason is more signi�cant. If a person have some achievements in
arts, his or her personality will see a dramatic growth, which is bene�cial for both their own careers
and the society as a whole.

In conclusion, people bene�ts from art and they greatly value artists in return, and art has a dramatic
impact on our lives just as technology do.

Posted by: Daniel | Monday, July 25, 2016 at 07:54

can someone check my essay please

Having a good university degree guarantees people a good job

To what extant do you agree

Nowadays many people prefer to have a college degree than a high school one . Having a strong
collage sirti�cate help people to �nd a better job because it gives a better education and a �nancial
rewards.

Reciving a good education can guarantees you a good job. Collage can give you skills that you need
in your major to help you to win your dream job . For example, my older brother majed , did not
enter any university because he wants to have a job so he can start his own business , all the
companies denied him they need a capable man who can manage the work and have a bacalories
degree. This is one of two reasons why I think that having a good college degree guarantees people a
better job.

Hardworking quali�es you to have a money rewards. Big companies gives there employees a
promotion with a higher salaries and money reward. For instance, my uncle who have a master
degree in computer science start his work as an employee with a limeted income and now he is the
manager of one of the biggest companies in saudi arabia.

In conclusion, receiving a good university degree gives you a better chance to have a good job
including better education and �nancial rewards. Therefore I strongly believe that having it gives you
the opportunity to have a better job . As a result schools should incorage students to receive a college
education
Posted by: jood | Monday, July 25, 2016 at 20:31
Hi, Simon.
Thank you for posting your essay.
I read that you sometimes use'on the other hand' in the third paragraph to show that you are disagree
with Paragraph 2. I am confusing about how to use'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'
In my essay, I used these two phrases in one paragraph,roughly like'on the one hand, for
citizens...'...'on the other hand, for governments...' Is that right?

Posted by: Yentl | Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 06:24

"
In such a globally competitive market, many governments consider an economic advancement their
priority, while others would argue that other types of progression also are crucial for a nation. I
believe that any types of progress of a country mean mutually signi�cant for a state.

Certainly, governments would prioritize resources in improving economic performance because it is

the basis of any other developments. Firstly, economic progression leads to lower unemployment rate,
higher salaries, therefore, a higher living standard for their citizens. Secondly, neither can
technological advancement or industrial innovation be achieved without the strong support of
economic improvement. funding is always necessary for many things that are operated by people.
Finally, a well-built economy stands better on the global stage when it comes international trade and
political in�uence.

However, other types of progress, some people would argue, are as mutually signi�cant as economic
progress for a country. The most obvious one is education development that provides a good quality
of citizens and a harmony society. It also generates a powerful productivity out of a well-trained and
quali�ed workforce. Another type of progress is health level of the population and it is generally
thought to be the most basic characteristics that support other types of improvement. Never could
any business run without healthy human race. Eventually, those progress will be based on economic
progress, and economic advancement, mutually, will bene�t from them as well.

In conclusion, governments' investing most of their resources in economic progress is undoubtedly

intelligent and for best of their people, but other types of progression should not be overlooked as
well.
"

I have never got anyone correct my essay before, and i have always got 5.5 in IELTS writing. can
someone tell me why?
Thanks for reading and more than thrilled to be corrected.

Posted by: Alston | Tuesday, July 26, 2016 at 22:38

Hi Dear Simon
Hi everyone
Other measures of progress are just as important.
Could you please help me with 'just as'. I don't understand the grammar and I can't �nd it in my
books or online.
Thanks

Posted by: Ajji | Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 00:57

Is it ok to giv our opinion in intro.

Posted by: romesh | Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 04:54

Thank you very much Simon

Posted by: Tim | Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 07:28

Do you believe at every stage of career progression, following/using all of these steps are equally
important ? Explain your argument with valid examples.i wann get a right solution about this topic.

Posted by: Rahad | Wednesday, July 27, 2016 at 14:35

just as = equally

e.g. Item A is just as good as item B.

Posted by: Simon | Thursday, July 28, 2016 at 13:03
Dear Simon,

Is it a bit informal to use "of course" in an academic writing? I'm wondering since this is common in
spoken language.

Thank you.

Posted by: Hoan Nguyen | Sunday, July 31, 2016 at 03:18

Dear simon. Can we use its in our eassy ?

Posted by: Gurjeet gitu | Monday, August 15, 2016 at 17:38

"its" ?

Posted by: Gurjeet gitu | Monday, August 15, 2016 at 17:38

Hello Simon
I noticed that many of your ideas are not well detailed.You just state them.Won`t we lose marks if we
write like this?
Thank you

Posted by: neer | Friday, August 19, 2016 at 16:41

Dear Simon,
My friend asked an ex-examiner, who said the TR of your �rst body paragraph is low(4-5) because
you did not go in detail but rather listed 3 things that were not elaborated.This paragraph alone
cannot get higher than 7.
What do you think?

Posted by: ChrisC | Saturday, September 03, 2016 at 17:24

ChrisC,

I disagree. My three reasons are there to elaborate the main point that economic progress is often
seen as the main goal for governments. It's perfectly acceptable to give 2 or 3 reasons for the main
idea of a paragraph.

Posted by: Simon | Tuesday, September 06, 2016 at 16:21

Dear Simon，
I understand that giving 2 or 3 reasons for a body paragraph is acceptable. My point is that there is
not much elaboration in your Body 1. In comparison, Body 2 is clearly better than Body 1.
What do you say about the lack of elaboration in Body 1 and di�erence between Body 1 and Body 2?

Posted by: ChrisC | Tuesday, September 06, 2016 at 18:09

Hi ChrisC,

What I'm saying is that the 3 reasons are a type of elaboration - they explain the topic (�rst) sentence
of the paragraph.

It's inevitable that in such a short essay, a paragraph that contains more than one point/reason might
seem less developed than a paragraph that sticks to one point. You'll see another clear example of this
in the main body of my most recent essay here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/09/ielts-writing-task-2-climate-change-
essay.html

However, many questions require more than one reason or point per paragraph, and candidates can't
be expected to write very much about each. If you only make one point per paragraph, you might
also be accused of not fully answering the question.

Examiners are trained to judge the essay as a whole, and according to the needs of the question.
Hopefully most of them take a sensible view of the issue of "fully elaborated points" because a 250-
word essay will never be perfect in this area.

Posted by: Simon | Wednesday, September 07, 2016 at 18:00

Dear Simon,
Thank you for answering my questions.
Now I understand that examiners take a holistic view.

Posted by: ChrisC | Friday, September 09, 2016 at 08:18

No problem ChrisC!

Posted by: Simon | Friday, September 09, 2016 at 15:48

Dear, simon.
I really appreciate your ideas about social equity and environmental protection. But if it 's accurate
for us to write something about education and medical facilities?

Thanks

Posted by: Joe | Monday, September 26, 2016 at 04:36

Plz check 3rd para...
However, other ptogress are also equally imporatnt as economic progress.Scial, economical and
health are also equally important for a country. In oder to be prosperious country people must be
healthy, there must be equality and enviroment should be protected. Gir example marganilized
people should get treatment from the side of goverment with low cost. They ahould get equal rights
like other. Then only country can becone Wealthy.

Posted by: sweetgrl | Tuesday, April 04, 2017 at 15:34

Dear Simon:
I am confused about the second body paragraph(the third paragraph), because you had conveyed that
you agree other types of progress are important as well,however, in the second body paragraph it
seemed to only present several possible factors evaluating a country. There were no deeper discussion
and explain for any factor.

I wonder that if this is acceptable for IELTS writing since I think the support of your opinion is less
than the �rst main paragraph.

If I am wrong, please tell me.

Thank you very much!

Posted by: William | Tuesday, April 25, 2017 at 03:03

Thank you Simon, your essays mostly help me to recognize my mind of writing.

I have a vocabulary question about this. What is the di�erent between fundamental and
foundational?

Posted by: Megan | Thursday, November 16, 2017 at 18:49

Hi Simon, would u please clear my doubt.
While we deal with qstns like discuss the both views, am a little confused whether to support both
sides with one idea each.is it a good way to score 7 band or above?

Posted by: Jerry | Tuesday, November 21, 2017 at 18:21

thankyou simon

Posted by: naman | Wednesday, June 20, 2018 at 05:09

hi, has anybody can check my writing?,
this essay will discuss the di�erent means in order to adress the controversy.
it is often argued that the statistic has surging all over the world linked to fatness in the sense of
handle making cope educative activities considering succesful schooling. i completely agree that this
is an acceptable reason for young people whose weight gain are not measured in school.
�rstly, as a part of schedule there must be varies between mental and physical courses with that the
students will get rid of stress for being 40 hours a week approximately. in addition, allthe way of
energy they done making work out would be less calories in their bodies that overcome combating
obesity.for instance, just walking or trekking twice a week during a half hour they could lost mote
than 100 calories similar to a chocolate cake eated. on this way we are avoiding sedentary lifestyle.
on the other hand, nowadays the most signi�cant problem is that the fast food are comsumed by all
schoolboys, not only hambuerger and soda made the overweight also everything selling in those
places are highest in sugar, oil,whats more cause cancer one such inititive, awareness of proper
nutrition should be promoted the evidence demostrated that 65% of youngester well nourished
obtained better score in mathematic and biology test .
in conclusion, i personally believe it is more advantageous have physical contact which is more
bene�cial for students because it make them �tness and relaxing furthermore to create awareness
about the necesity of exercise in one's lives.

Posted by: cinolela | Wednesday, March 27, 2019 at 21:47

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