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BAR/BAT MITZVAH
A SUPPLEMENT TO THE JEWISH STANDARD · SUMMER 2019
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(201) 891-2000
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My three sons......................................... 4
Memories of bar mitzvahs in triplicate
Any way b’nei......................................... 8
Temple Beth Rishon revolutionizes rite of passage
A note of thanks: Bat mitzvah
girl expresses gratitude to all................. 9
Teaching responsibility.......................... 10
Prayers, parenting, and preparing for adulthood
Mitzvah money...................................... 12
Smart ways to stash the cash and grow it
Making a celebration
a meaningful celebration....................... 13
Twice as nice.......................................... 14
Twins donate $122,000 to Israeli organizations
Bar mitzvah at any age......................... 15
Going green.......................................... 16
Making the mitzvah party earth-friendly
Books to help prepare
for the bar and bat mitzvah.................. 18
Mitzvah
UNLIMITED
POSSIBILITIES For more info or to book a private tour, contact 201-The-BigM • playmeadowlands.com/dining
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Danny is proud to
become a bar mitzvah.
My three sons
Memories of bar mitzvahs in triplicate
Rob stands with his father, Jay.
O
deBoraH BresloW haftorah, committed to memory using The kid’s party on Saturday evening She’d been told she could keep jewel-
her father’s Maxell cassette tapes in her was held at Hawthorne Fire Co. #1, a ry, artwork and other keepsakes, but
n a cold Friday eve- father’s treasured tape recorder, she shared event between the bat mitzvah checks and savings bonds were to be
ning in February 1973, sang with a timid sweetness that made girl and her best friend from a syna- saved for college. The following morn-
a skinny girl in a sim- her front row-seated parents and grand- gogue in Glen Rock where bat mitz- ing, out-of-town guests were invited
ple plaid maxi-dress parents kvell. The oneg following, cour- vahs were held on Saturday mornings. to lunch at the house for sloppy joes
stood terrified behind tesy of the Fair Lawn Jewish Center’s Sis- Keeping the price down by splitting and sides catered by the Kosher Nosh.
a podium on perhaps terhood, offered the typical fare of the the cost of the hall rental, the parents After getting lost in the hubbub of the
the largest bimah in the time: honey cake and assorted pastries, pretended not to stare while awkward previous two evenings, it was at home
history of temple sanctuaries. She was challah, tiny cups of grape juice and young teens danced to tunes by Paul that she was forced to make small talk
unadorned: no make-up or lipstick, hair wine, coffee, tea, non-dairy creamer, Simon, the Beatles, Loggins & Messina, with relatives she hardly knew. The
set in curlers courtesy of her mother, and packets of sugar and saccharin. and Led Zeppelin. The musicians were smile pasted on her face remained un-
tiny pearls around her neck borrowed Color film family portraits were taken a local junior high school band that had til the last guest was hugged, kissed,
from her grandmother. Her ears would by the guests with 35mm cameras. Her
made their mark on the seventh grade thanked and driven to the airport or
not be pierced for another year. “Not older brother’s Polaroid served as the
bar/bat mitzvah circuit. The kids en- the Trailways bus station. Thirty-five
until the eighth grade.” Her mother designated apparatus for instant black
stood firm. Prepared to recite her joyed pizza and cans of Coke delivered years later the self-conscious teen that
and white candids.
by Ness Pizza. The cake, of course, was afraid of her shadow had grown
Deborah Breslow is a freelance writer and college essay coach from Wyckoff. Her three sons, was made by Carvel. Late in the eve- up, married, and had children of her
Rob, 23, Kenny, 22, and Danny, 19, are successful young adults. Ms. Breslow’s published ning, the bat mitzvah girl opened her own. Tasked with the event of the cen-
work appears in local, regional, and national publications focusing on home, family, gifts in the privacy of her bright yellow tury, it was her turn to plan the first of
essay writing, and medical advocacy. Visit Breslow’s website at www.djbreslow.com room with bright yellow shag carpet. three bar mitzvahs.
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Jay and Deborah Breslow walking toward the candle-lighting table. The author, Deborah Breslow, center, at her bat mitzvah in 1973.
“You’ll need a bar mitzvah planner,” my best friend of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
told me. “You mean like a calendar?,” I asked. “No,” With three boys so close in age,
my friend said, rolling her eyes. “A planner. An actual people often asked me how I insured
person to help you plan the affair.” things were different for each of my
“How hard can it be?,” I asked. “Well, besides three sons. “That’s easy,” I tell them.
managing your son’s expectations, the choices are “They’re three different people!” I
endless,” she said. Feeling overwhelmed, I decided think that’s what made each of their
to start by talking to my son. “What kind of bar mitz- bar mitzvah celebrations so special.
vah do you want?” I asked. “Is one of the options Their individual interests and iden-
not to have one at all?” “No,” I replied, silently proud tities drove the tempo for each cele-
bration. While we kept many things
the same, each bar mitzvah taught
us what worked and what didn’t. Our
With three boys so close in oldest son, Rob, had his luncheon
in the social hall of our temple. Our
age, people often asked me party planner introduced us to and
as at Robbie and Kenny’s luncheons, each of the boys’ special qualities. I’ll
what was significant was that my father forever cherish my seat at the end of
had passed away just six months prior. the pew, snuggled shoulder to shoul-
Wearing his grandfather’s tallit, Danny der with each of them until the rabbi
would be tasked with reciting a poem instructed all to rise, and then be seat-
for a grandparent who was no longer ed as he was called to read from the
here and lighting a memorial candle on Torah. At each event, our family was
the candelabra. Extremely shy, Danny surrounded by incalculable warmth.
surprised us all by memorizing every In contrast to the simplicity of my
word of Hebrew that was taught to him. bat mitzvah, my son’s extravaganzas
It depends who you ask as to what may have seemed opulent. Conscious
was most special about each of our of the close proximity of each of the
son’s bar mitzvahs. The grandfathers boy’s celebrations, we wanted their
would tell you it was taking each bar mitzvahs to be tasteful and mean-
grandson to Cedar Lane in Teaneck ingful while keeping to a reasonable
to shop for tallit and the intimate mo- budget. Neither my husband nor I, nor
ment of taking the Torah from the Ark our boys would have been comfort-
and passing it down from generation to able with anything grandiose. What
generation. The grandmothers would we as parents are offered now, that my
say it was being called up to the bi- parents weren’t offered then, is just a
mah to chant their aliyot and walking staggering amount of options.
proudly to stand next to their grand- Flipping through dusty photo al-
sons to light a candle following a ten- bums, I wonder how we got through
der candle-lighting poem. My husband the whirlwind. I’m reminded of the
appreciated taking the boys to Syms to arduous and meticulous planning and
buy their first suits, watching as the tai- preparation for three long-awaited cel-
Celebrating lor measured their growing bodies for ebratory weekends that in retrospect
and bat mit a bar
Party Planning Essentials
alterations. My brother would insist it seemed to fly by. Thinking back on ten
$25 per person
zvah Meal (meat or dairy)
was when my oldest son, who near- years past, I’m reminded of the time
at an emunah home Decoration of the dining $275
ly hyperventilated while completing and love put into writing each son’s
room (including paper
his Torah portion, chanted his final meaningful candle-lighting poems,
goods, flowers and
“amen.” “Attaboy, Rob,” my brother the search for photos for memorable
helium balloons)
cried followed by a roaring applause video montages that took my breath
DJ and motivator $700
from the entire congregation. Our rab- away, the endless shopping trips for
Regular DJ $500
bi, getting to know each of our son’s in- the perfect dress, the lengthy menu
Photographer $500
timately during his bar mitzvah train- discussions and appetizer tastings, the
Magnets Photographer $180
In order to en ing, had the pleasure of watching as consideration of songs and musical art-
able families Desserts and candy bar $400
a connection to foster each older brother joined the younger ists that had to be represented by our
with our child * Prices for 15 guests plus 10 Emunah Children.
have put toge
ther many di
ren, we
Additional guests are $15 per person. on the bimah for an aliyot. Our guests trio of talented musicians, the table
package optio fferent
ns to choose appreciated the chance to celebrate compositions (how did we ever decide
We welcome
families and
from. Activity on Campus
who would guests
like to celebr Hip Hop/Zumba Party No fee if the event
simcha with ate their occurs on the day that
our Emunah Basketball/Soccer/Judo
Home! the activity is scheduled
for the children
For families
interested
in having
Sports and dance activi- $220
their even
t on an Em ties with an instructor
Campus, w unah
e offer acti
know child vities we Baking and Cooking $200
ren enjoy!
culminate The visit w
ill
Art/Mosaic Workshop $850
in dinner an
at the Emu
nah home
d dancing Soccer/Basketball $220
children an with our Tournament
d staff!
Chocolate Workshop $680
Headphone Party $200
Inflatable Jumping $650
Activity
Baking Workshop $200
Sushi Workshop $300
Mishelyne’s
Fashions
885 Teaneck Rd.
Our newly renovated social hall seats up to 225 Teaneck, NJ
and features a large dance floor and stage
201-862-9595
~ plus ~ Sun & Mon Closed
Landscaped courtyard for outdoor ceremonies Tues to Thurs 9:30-6
Commercial kitchen for your favorite caterer Fri 9:30-5 · Sat 9:30-6
T
mean in 2019?” vah can celebrate coming into their adulthood.
here’s a revolution going on Lofty questions, yes. But “Every Jew is a Jew by choice,” Reb Beni said. “Jews
at Temple Beth Rishon. answers are on the way. by birth have choices about what they want to do.
It’s a b’nei revolution “Synagogue life in general There are options on how they connect spiritually.”
that is anything but war. is in crisis,” said Reb Beni. Perhaps the idea to customize the bar or bat mitz-
It’s more like peace. Making peace “But I love a crisis. A crisis vah with Kivun, which officially launches in Septem-
with yourself. Making peace with allows us to rethink who ber, came recently when a young woman at her bat
your community, and making were are, what are our pri- mitzvah faltered at the bimah. She is a competitive
peace with your Yiddishkeit and orities as a family, and what athlete from a very wonderful family and when she
your connection to Judaism. does a b’nei mitzvah mean.” stood during this one fateful Shabbat to recite her
In fact, it is a piece (yes, spelling The hope, he said, is to Torah portion, she started to cry.
deliberate) of innovation that the make all bar and bat mitz- Reb Beni would not have it.
new rabbi, Beni Wajnberg (pro- vahs “fresh, engaging and “Stop,” he said, and the young woman halted.
nounced Vine-berg) who started relevant.” “Let’s all remember what is important here.” He
last July, is bringing to the Wyckoff The word is out about Reb then said her name and turned to her and said, “You
Reform temple as he brings forth Beni and his warm enthusi- are awesome!” He then turned to the congregants
— along with the community and asm that blends his tradi- and instructed them on the count of three to say to-
members — a new vision to help tional stock from European gether to the bat mitzvah girl, “You are awesome.”
make Judaism relevant, relatable Reb Beni Wajnberg grandparents who were “No kid should ever cry on the bimah,” Reb Beni
and personal for its young mem- survivors of the Shoah, and said. “No kid should ever feel like their b-mitzvah is
bers who are bar and bat mitzvah and coming into his passionate Latin upbringing in Brazil, where his not relevant or personal for them.”
the fold of Jewish adulthood. grandparents put down roots after the war. He is or- So what is Kivun, which in Hebrew means direc-
Reb Beni as he is known (the title, he said, “is dained as a Reform rabbi, but a member of the Re- tion or journey.
old-country and implies a spiritual friendship. I want newal and Reconstructionist movements as well. It is a new program for bnei mitzvahs to choose
to break down walls and build bridges”) called to- “It is the perfect fit for our community of indepen- how they want to celebrate that day of becoming 13
gether a “think tank,” not a “committee” to reimagine dent, progressive and welcoming members,” Reb years old.
the future of Temple Beth Rishon’s young members. Beni said. They can choose to do the Traditional track or
“I want us to think about what is means to be 13 in The revolution in bar and bat mitzvahs is called reading the Torah and haftarah and leading in
Bergen County,” he said. “What does it mean to be 13 Kivun, which in Hebrew means direction and jour- prayers, or they can choose the Flexible track, which
has a little less liturgy and Torah reader. There is also
the Havdalah track, where they mark their bar or bat
Join the B-Mitzvah mitzah with music and light and song and joy at the
close of Shabbat. The Israel track, allows the bar or
bat mitzvah to go to Israel, accompanied by the cler-
♦ Traditional Kivun ♦ Kivun Nature And finally, there is the DYI Kivun, where the bar
or bat mitzvah is asked, “do you have a passion,” and
♦ My Own Kivun ♦ Kivun Yoga a customized rite of passage where they could best
relate is created.
♦ Kivun Israel ♦ Kivun Havdalah With each of the tracks, explained Reb Beni, the
bar or bat mitzvah will be required to do at least one
portion of the Torah reading and lead in some of the
Please contact us to learn more about the cutting-edge
prayer service.
Jewish youth & B’nai Mitzvah program at TBR. “There are core requirements,” but the rest is up
For additional information, please contact the office at to the young man or woman to create.
201-891-4466 or email Reb Beni at rabbi@bethrishon.org. “We are very excited about this,” said Reb Beni.
“The goal is to foster a meaningful connection to Ju-
Temple Beth Rishon, 585 Russell Avenue, Wyckoff daism for every person.”
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Jewish Standard S-9
S
omething wonderful happened thank the Almighty. Sometimes it’s volved. It was very impressive.
to me. It wasn’t something big. heartfelt. Sometimes it’s pro forma. Much as we try to avoid it, most bar mitzvah boys
It wasn’t something dra- Sometimes it’s somewhere in the and bat mitzvah girls get a little (or a lot) caught up
matic. It wasn’t something middle. And sometimes it’s hard to in themselves. With all that focus and attention, it’s
expected. But it was something tell if they really mean it. hard not to. This is a great way to avoid the trap of
lovely and wonderful — a small But this young girl did some- self-centeredness. It’s the perfect way to teach our
gesture that made a big difference. thing special and unique that children about showing appreciation. It’s a power-
I went to a bat mitzvah, a cel- clearly emanated straight from ful means of giving our children an understanding
ebration for my friend’s daugh- her heart. She wrote a thank of the meaning of community, that it really does
ter. It was a beautiful and mov- you note to each of guests – be- take a village.
ing occasion, as a bat mitzvah fore she received her gifts! Be- The party was a lot of fun. The speeches were si-
should be. And perhaps it was cause the note wasn’t about the multaneously funny and moving (we expected no
even more emotional because presents, it was an expression less since the father is a writer). But what impact-
the couple had struggled a bat of what this particular attendee ed me the most were those notes. When the rest
mitzvah’s worth of years (as the father put it) to give means to her. And it wasn’t brief, a mere line or two. of the evening fades, I’ll remember those kind and
birth to this child. There was extra joy in the air. It wasn’t generic. It was a few paragraphs describ- thoughtful missives. I was touched by what the guest
But there was something else also. Something ing the role our family had played in her life, reliv- of honor wrote to me and really taken with the idea.
much more basic and much more important. There ing some shared experiences and memories and ex- I think it’s something we should all incorporate
was gratitude. pressing gratitude for the very specific ways in which into our children’s bar/bat mitzvah celebrations. I
Now we’ve all heard many bar and bat mitzvah we had enhanced her life. wish I’d thought of it before my girls had their bat
speeches. Everyone thanks their parents (right after It was unbelievable. mitzvah celebrations. It would have enhanced and
deepened everyone’s experience of the day, and no
Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a master’s degree in clinical psychology with an one more so than the bat mitzvah girl herself.
emphasis on marriage and family therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives in Los Angeles with her family. Aish.com
R
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Prayers, parenting, and
preparing for adulthood
Amy Grossblatt Pessah up, “It’s not all bad, I know the trees
are being killed, but think about the
I
n the soon-to-be-published, “Par- new houses that will be built for those
enting on a Prayer” by Amy Gross- who need a house and think about all
blatt Pessah (Ben Yehuda Press), the of the trees and plants that they will
author shares her stories of parenting replant around the new houses. They
as she lyrically uses the Hebrew prayers have already destroyed the trees,
to expound upon essential values in rais- there is nothing to do about it now.”
E
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SBAR ing children. Fittingly, there are 18 (chai)
chapters, each corresponding to a differ-
“You can’t ignore the negative,” said
my son.
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E! ent prayer and associated with a different “You can focus on the positive,” re-
value. Here is an excerpt from the chapter torted my daughter.
on responsibility, something incumbent I sat in the front seat and sighed,
upon parents to teach a youngster when marveling over this incredible ex-
he or she becomes a bar and bat mitzvah. change. How did my kids get to be
so big with their own ideas, values,
Ahlaynu l-shahbay’ahch and abilities to express themselves so
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aceway lah-ahdon hah-kol, articulately? Trying hard not to take
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l. lah-tayt g’dulah l-yotsayr b’raysheet, sides, I agreed with both of them. Yes,
we must be mindful and respectful to-
[It is upon us to] praise You Source of ward the environment and yes, we can
All Your generous work as Creator of choose to focus on the positive when
All You made us one with all of Life] we are presented with a challenging,
upsetting situation.
Our area in South Florida is not known Ahlaynu — it is incumbent upon us
for its extensive tree preserves. While
to do both. Three important lessons I
there certainly are some, unfortunately
learned from this interaction:
my family sees many more homes than
• We must show up in responsibility
fields of trees and nature preserves. On
for taking care of Mother Earth.
one of our regular drives, my kids and I
• We can choose how we view chal-
had observed that over the past several
lenging situations.
months the tree population in a specific
• We can recognize the complexity
area had been dwindling. A few weeks
of competing truths and conflicting
later we drove by only to find smoke
values.
billowing above what used to be a large
As a parent, I believe that it is part
plot of land covered with trees. Outrage
of my job to teach my children these
ensued from my son, “That is terrible,
three important lessons; and ironical-
what are they doing there?”
GLOW
ly enough, it is these precise lessons
Silence.
which my children taught me.
“Mom, what are they doing, why are
they burning all of those trees?” As I
Ahlaynu l-shahbay’ahch
PARTY
looked off to the side of the road, I saw
lah-ahdon hah-kol,
multiple piles of tree trunks bundled
lah-tayt g’dulah l-yotsayr b’raysheet,
$10,500 together all over the field.
VENUE
“There are clearing the field so they [It is upon us to] praise You Source of
Bar and Bat Mitzvah can build homes,” I replied as calmly All Your generous work as Creator of
package as I could, feeling the depths of my All You made us one with all of Life
Awesome Event own pain and despair.
Space and DJ “Why do they have to do that? When our children are taught respon-
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more and why do they have to kill all tion, when they are able to articulate
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of those trees!?” their values AND listen to another’s
145 HOPPER AVE WALDWICK NJ 07463
My twelve year old daughter piped point of view, they are praising God and
JS-11
S-13 Jewish Standard S-11
docked boat may be boarded by late-arriving shells, rope tied in nautical knots, and
guests. A boat at sea would leave late arrivals nautical flags. You’re not stuck with a red,
stranded on the dock. “Set an arrival time white and blue color scheme. Nautical
for an hour before the start of the ceremony accents can fit into any palette.
or sailing time to avoid missed connections,”
CreatorS.CoM Photo CourteSy of danielle riChardS PhotoGraPhy
Emporio
Activities to Promote Responsibility
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JS-12
Mitzvah money
Smart ways to stash the cash and grow it
Heidi Mae Bratt New Jersey region.
“The earlier good financial habits are built, the
W
hether it’s a multiple of 18 for chai (life in better,” said Ms. Myteberi. “We don’t teach enough
Hebrew) or not, cash is always a welcome budgeting and money management to our kids.”
event truly special! smart financial habits, and the bar and bat mitzvah
is a good time to think about how to create smart
program designed especially for kids. Kirby Kanga-
roo uses stories, games, and entertainment to help
strategies to save and grow the gifts of cash. kids learn about saving and finances.
Temple Beth Sholom of Fair Lawn, Money experts say that even before they become The club provides special incentives and benefits
provides a perfect venue for all your party needs. a bar or bat mitzvah it is good to introduce a child for children who are age 12 and younger. It includes
Whether you are looking to plan a small, intimate to savings vehicles that could earn interest, such as The Kirby Kangaroo website packed with fun stuff
event or an elegant reception for a large group, savings bonds and certificates of deposit. Search for kids to learn with: stories, games, coloring pag-
consider Temple Beth Sholom. We offer: for a compound interest calculator online and es, and jokes; quarterly Kirby Kangaroo newsletter;
show your child how just one dollar can grow with
• Large beautiful sanctuary & spacious, interest over time.
elegant social hall/flexible floor & space options Several financial institutions in our area offer
plenty of youth services to teach youngsters money
• Dance floor adjustable to your party’s needs
management skills and to help invest the bar or bat Several financial institutions
• Easily accessible to all highways/
Handicap accessible/ Ample free parking
mitzvah cash.
Greater Alliance Federal Credit Union, a full ser-
in our area offer plenty
Please contact Mrs.Cary Reichardt, at the
vice financial institution, offers youth savings and of youth services to
checking accounts to help youngsters, and bar and
Beth Sholom office 201-797-9321 extension #425
bat mitzvah young men and women, start saving
teach youngsters money
to check on room availability, schedule a
walk through, and to get pricing.
their gift money with no fees or minimum balance management skills.
requirement.
Money experts say that it is very important to get and special Kirby Kangaroo youth activities all year
RCBC youngsters involved in money matters so they can long. Every $5 deposit earns a gift.
become stewards of managing their money later. If Starting at age 13 at Visions, members are able to
they learn how to handle money at a younger age, open a checking account and receive a debit card. A
they will be prepared to handle bigger financial de- Flex Checking account is perfect for teens, too, with
cisions through the different stages of their life. no monthly service charges or minimum balance re-
In addition to offering various financial products, quirements. They also offer youth lending and credit
the credit union hosts lunch-and-learn opportuni- card accounts, too. These help teens learn responsi-
ties at various organizations and online webinars ble borrowing habits alongside guidance from par-
where anyone can attend to become familiar with ents and our own financial professionals.
topics such as, what is a credit score, how to bud- Students age 14 to 18 attending high school can
get, what to expect when applying for a student borrow between $100 and $1,000 for up to a year. A
loan, and other areas that can help young adults co-signer is required on amounts over $500.
make better financial decisions through different Students age 14 to 17 can learn to manage a small
stages of life. credit limit up to $500. A co-borrower is required.
They also offer an app called Money Management Students 14 to 15 must complete a financial literacy
where its members can set their savings goal, see program with their parent before approval.
how much they are spending, and also keep track Experts say that the best way to teach young-
of their budget. sters about how to manage money is to give them
Sheryline Ingersoll, director of marketing at some, and now that they have it, they can save or
Greater Alliance, said the credit union also offers use it. They should figure out what they want and
private student loans for undergraduate and gradu- see how they can pay for it themselves. It gives
ate school; students can also refinance their existing them the chance to learn about the consequences
high-rate loans from other financial institutions. of overspending.
While owning a first car may be a few years away Teaching children delayed gratification will help
from the bar or bat mitzvah boy or girl, Greater Al- combat the “buy now, pay later” mentality that could
liance Federal Credit Union also offers a First Time mire them in credit card debt later on. Curbing im-
We offer Auto Buyer Program to help young adults purchase pulse buying goes hand in hand with teaching de-
OFF-PREMISE CATERING a new a car if they don’t have established credit. layed gratification. Before going shopping, create a
At Visions Federal Credit Union, with Bergen budget. Outline what you’re going to buy, what stores
for up to 600 people
County branches in Mahwah, Westwood, Dumont, you’re going to, and the price range for each item.
Englewood, Oakland and Saddle Brook, the young These also are important lessons of becoming a
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Jewish Standard S-13
L
things, but because everyone wants a responsibility is the real joy. Having won’t teach the proper perspective.
ife has many firsts. It’s part of piece of the joy. obligations and using those obliga- But what will?
what makes life exciting. It’s part Everyone was genuinely happy and tions to connect to the Almighty is the One way I hope this lesson is ab-
of what keeps us on our toes. And excited for their brother (when they’re ultimate happiness. sorbed is through my son’s friends.
it’s part of what throws us into not fighting over the computer with We want our friends and family to When I’ve seen the joy of the boys
panic and confusion. Am I going to get him!) and they want as many outlets think this is the best party ever — not dancing with and for each other at pre-
it right? I’ve never done this before. And as possible to express it. the best decorations, the most courte- vious bar mitzvahs, I’ve been moved
even deeper, what exactly is right? Trying to tread the middle road is a ous waiters, the most gourmet food, to tears. Their unselfconscious ex-
We were approaching another first challenge in every aspect of life. Here the most exotic setting — the best par- pressions of pure happiness lifted ev-
in our family — our oldest son’s bar too. We want it attractive but not os- ty ever because it will teach us what eryone to an appreciation of what the
mitzvah. And the questions were flying tentatious, joyful but not wild, the life is really about. What we’re really world could be, an excitement about
fast and furious. We know we didn’t food delicious but not extravagant, meant to celebrate. Where true joy is the potential waiting to be unleashed.
want a “circus” theme or a “baseball” the clothing dignified but not dramatic attainable. And if we can learn that les- Coupled with this are the words of
theme. We were not hiring a rock band (and not outrageously expensive). And son we want everyone we care about his teachers. Continually exhorting
or a trapeze artist or a belly dancer! we want it meaningful. to learn it with us. the boys to appreciate the significance
But that still leaves plenty of leeway. We want everyone to understand We want our family to think it was of the day and demonstrating to them
How do you enjoy the party and — especially our son and his siblings the best party ever because it taught the pleasure and beauty of a life of wis-
maintain the focus? — what a bar mitzvah means. It’s not us what life is really about. These are dom and positive actions, these teach-
How do you enjoy the party and about the party. It’s not about the gifts. all wonderful ideas. But exactly how is ers have primed their students for the
maintain the focus? One of my girls It’s not about the band, the dessert, or this lesson going to be taught? new vistas to come. But only by acting
wanted all the clothing to be color-co- the kiddush. It’s not about the beautiful I know it’s not by counting checks. on what they’ve learned, by exhibiting
ordinated. I said no. One of my chil- cake our friend Betsy is going to make. I know that a sense of relief, a sugges- the character commensurate with the
dren wanted the celebration to be at And it’s not about the bills. (It’s not tion that the “ordeal” is over would wisdom, will the boys begin to forge
a hotel. I said no. Another wanted all about the bills, it’s not about the bills...) be a serious mistake. And the thought their own transcendent relationship.
her friends to come. I said no. And It’s about becoming an adult and that this is an end rather than a begin- Aish.com
everyone wants to help decide the forging a personal relationship with
menu. I said no to that also. But there God. It’s about recognizing that in-
have to be some yes-es. Not because herent in the concept of relationship
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Twice as nice
Twins donate $122,000
to Israeli organizations
Heidi Mae Bratt
B
enjamin and Brian Barth, 13-year-old
sports-loving twins from New York City, have
turned their b’nai mitzvah into the mitzvah of
tzedakah through their contribution to Israeli
organizations.
To celebrate their October 6, 2018 b’nai mitzvah
at the Park Avenue Synagogue, they worked with
UJA-Federation of New York’s “Give a Mitzvah – Do
a Mitzvah” program, and raised more than $122,000
to donate to two Israeli nonprofits that work to em-
power people through sports.
The contributions were made in lieu of gifts.
“We are overjoyed and proud of them,” said their
mother, Natalie Barth, who serves as president of The Barth family: From left, father Brett, twins Brian and Benjamin, and mother Natalie.
the Park Avenue Synagogue. “They have embraced
the mitzvah of tzedakah that we hoped to pass on Through “Give a Mitzvah – Do a Mitzvah,” the Israel Tennis Centers’ programs, which teach chil-
to them in their taking care of others through their twins were able to design projects reflecting their dren peaceful coexistence through tennis and pro-
actions.” passions to make it meaningful for them as well. grams that offer academic support, enrichment,
Ms. Barth, who grew up in Texas, said that her Graduates of the Abraham Joshua Heschel School and mentoring.
family was very involved in the Jewish Federation in Manhattan, Brian will enter ninth grade at Horace Brian, who loves sailing and cycling, chose to do-
there, and she and her husband, Brett, a native of Mann School in Riverdale; Benjamin will be a fresh- nate to Etgarim, which uses the two activities, among
Virginia, have continued that tradition of involve- man at the Abraham Joshua Heschel High School. others, to rehabilitate individuals with cognitive,
ment with the Jewish Federation in New York. Benjamin, a tennis enthusiast, raised $61,199 for sensory, and physical disabilities. He raised $61,199
JS-15
Jewish Standard S-15
FIND A WAY TO
SAVE THAT WORKS
FOR YOU.
SHARE SAVINGS
to encourage children in Tel Aviv, Na- an institution that gives people with
halal, and Holon to pursue athletic ex- disabilities the opportunity to have SHARE CERTIFICATES
cellence and participate in what other- fun with these endeavors is truly an
wise would be inaccessible sports.
Sports have played a key role in the
honor for me.”
“UJA’s ‘Give a Mitzvah – Do a Mitz-
LUCKY SAVERS
lives of Benjamin and Brian. When vah’ program enables bar and bat
they are not watching their favorite mitzvah kids like Benjamin and Brian HEALTH SAVINGS ACCOUNT
sports teams, they play tennis, sail, to put their interests and love for Isra-
bike, and golf. In the winter, they love el and the Jewish people into action,”
to ski. The twins also have visited Is- said Lori Strouch Kolinsky, director of
rael several times, which has helped UJA’s Manhattan Division.
build a stronger connection to their “We are so inspired by the twins and
Jewish heritage and identity. their incredible generosity, and hope
“I just love playing tennis, and to this is just the beginning of their phil-
find out that there was a place that anthropic journeys,” she said.
plays tennis and supports coexistence Natalie Barth said she wanted to
excited me a lot,” said Benjamin. “I am publicize the “Give a Mitzvah – Do
glad I was able to fund it.” a Mitzvah” program because it not
Said Brian: “I continue to enjoy the only is easy for a bar or bat mitzvah visionsfcu.org/choose
State of Israel and it was perfect for my to do with the help of the UJA staff
bar mitzvah project to be in and asso- that walks the youngster through each New Jersey | New York | Pennsylvania
ciated with it. As cycling and sailing step, but most importantly, “it is so
are two of my personal passions and meaningful and the boys felt so good
Federally insured by NCUA.
interests, being able to contribute to about doing it.”
JS-16
S-12Skip one-time-use disposable items such as balloons, mitzvah catered, food can be a way to be earth-friendly.
streamers, and plastic tablecloths for the party. Instead When possible, include seasonal, organic ingredients
go for items that can be reused or that are made from on the menu. Many catering companies offer kosher
Cantor sustainable materials. For candles, pick those that are organic meat and poultry and organic fruits and veg-