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Communication Skills
This factsheet advises you on how to improve your communication skills. It covers:

l A definition of good communication

l The key to good communication
l Getting your message across

A definition of good communication

Good communication is not being clever at ‘getting your own way’ or being ‘nice’. Good communication is where information, ideas, thoughts or feelings are clearly
transmitted from one person to another. Easier said than done!

Good communication skills can take a life time to develop, but the benefits of being an excellent communicator, including being able to express our thoughts and
feelings, sharing information more effectively, learning about ourselves and other people, the ability to resolve conflicts and the skills for building good relationships at
home and at work, are worth the effort.

The key to good communication

Good listening is the key to good communication. If we feel heard, we are more likely to want to listen in return, and to reach a better understanding of where the
other person is coming from.

Active listening will help you to understand exactly what the other person is saying, and will encourage them to share more information. To be a good active listener:

l Stop talking! You might be tempted to interrupt, but try and wait until the other person has finished saying what they want to say.
l Make sure you are giving good non-verbal signs that you are listening. These include maintaining eye-contact, having a good open posture (not crossing your
legs or arms), looking interested and nodding.
l Use silence. If you pause for a few seconds before speaking, you may find that the other person has something more to say.
l Try and catch yourself if you’re losing concentration. You might be drifting off, thinking about what you’re going to say next, feeling sleepy, planning your
dinner...
l Check your understanding frequently. You can do this by asking clarifying questions, repeating back in your own words what has just been said, or
summarising what they’ve said so far. Get the other persons agreement that you’ve understood them correctly – if you haven’t, then ask them to repeat what
they’ve said and try again.
l Use open questions (what, where, who, why, when) if you want to get more information and encourage the other person to speak freely. Use closed questions
(those resulting in a yes/no answer) to get specific information or to clarify your understanding.
l Be on the look out for non-verbal signals – do they look tense? Are they speaking more quietly than usual?

Getting your message across

When you have listened carefully, it’s your turn to be listened to. It might help you to get your message across clearly if you:

l Take a few moments to think about what you’d like to say.

l Deal with one thing at a time.
l Keep your message as simple as possible, and check that the other person understands you at regular intervals.
l Keep eye contact and speak slowly and clearly.
l Don’t worry about getting it right the first time – keep trying until you get close to what you mean.
l If you’re feeling emotional, try not to raise your voice or speed up – take a deep breath or ask for five minutes to cool down if you need to. It may be appropriate
to share your feelings, e.g. ‘I’m feeling really sad about this and it’s hard to make sense of it’.

If the other person interrupts before you’ve finished, hold your hand up or calmly say ‘If I could just finish what I’m saying first, and then I’ll be happy to listen to what
you have to say’.

You can find out more about your current communication strengths and weaknesses by asking friends and colleagues for feedback. You could also observe yourself
in conversation and think afterwards about what you could have done differently. The best way to learn to be a better communicator is to practise, practise, practise –
enjoy!

 
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