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L i br ar y of Congr ess Catal ogi ng -i n-P ubli cati on Data has been
appl i ed for .
Fi r st U. S. Pr i nt E di ti on 201 2
Dani el has wri tten sc r eenpl ays on assi gnm ent and coached
hundr eds of pr i vate wr i ter s to better under stand the
pr i nci pl es of gr eat scr eenwr i ti ng and to i m pr ove thei r cr aft
on the wr i tten page . He has taught sc r eenwri ti ng and stor y
anal ysi s at the c ol l ege l evel , i nc l udi ng at the New School
Uni ver si ty i n New Yor k Ci ty.
INTRODUCTION
Thi s book i s the c ul mi nati on of m any year s of wor ki ng wi th
scr eenpl ays and sc r eenwr i ter s . R eadi ng, anal yz ing,
eval uati ng, studyi ng, teac hi ng and c oachi ng .
I l ear ned thi s on the job wor ki ng i n the m ovi e i ndustr y for
year s as a Stor y Anal yst for m any top studi os and pr oducti on
com pani es and fr om wor ki ng one -on-one wi th scr eenwr i ter s,
both am ateur and pr ofessi onal .
Al l of the anal ysi s and gui del i nes i n thi s book are
based on the c ur r ent, m odel s pec screenpl ay i n
Hol l ywood. L ean, m ean and fast -paced, thi s i s not
your unc l e's sc r eenpl ay – thi s i s not a wi nki ng
hol dover fr om the “ Boom - Boom ” ‘80s and ‘9 0s ( you
know, when they wer e handi ng out spec deal s at
L AX?) . Thi s 100 -110 page c i nem ati c em oti on m achi ne
has a ver y c l ear and c l ean set of gui deli nes, qual i ti es
and standar ds , som e of whi c h can be br oken, but onl y
i f you’ve m aster ed them fi r st.
Just as I l i ke m y sc r i pts.
Dan Cal vi si
viii
CONTENTS
I. VI NCE VAUG HN I S DOI NG A SONG
WI TH THE BAND! 1
II. THE G RE AT SCREE NP L AY 2
TH E CON CEPT 11
III. THE BI G I DE A 12
TH E STR UCTUR E 19
I V. THE “ BASI C” STORY MAP 23
V. MORE ON THE BASIC STORY MAP
WI TH E XAMP LE S 39
VI . THE “ FUL L” STORY MAP 44
VI I . THE ME 73
VI I I. G E T EXTRE ME ! 85
I X. BI L L Y WIL DE R'S TIP S FOR WRI TERS 87
X. MORE ON THE BE AT SHE E T
WI TH E XAMP LE S 88
TH E VOICE 164
XV. SUCK I N THE RE ADE R 165
XVI . DI AL OG UE 187
XVI I . CHARACTE R 201
I t di dn't m atter. Thi s was why ever yone, i ncl uding m e, was
sti cki ng ar ound thi s bor i ng par ty wi th no food and a cash
bar .
The hal l cl ear ed out and ever yone went back to thei r l i ves,
havi ng l ost two hour s of sl eep, and the next day i t was al l
for gotten.
The Moral of the story: a big -name star can get the m to
show up, but if you really want them to re me mber your
movie, you need to give them a great st ory .
L et’s be cl ear .
You ar e not wr i ti ng your per sonal jour ney thr ough l i fe.
Hundr eds ever y week. That’s not even counti ng contests and
i nter net ser vi c es.
3
What they ar e r eall y l ooki ng for i s that one gr eat scr i pt that
stands out fr om the d r ec k i n the sl ush pi l e . The one to hook
them and get them i nter ested at 3 :00 a. m.
And to top i t al l off. .. i t’s i n the genr e and budget r ange that
thei r boss i s l ooki ng for .
A few year s ago Hor r or was all the r age and now, at l east at
the studi o l evel , i t’s bar r en . Who knows what wil l be sell i ng
l i ke hotcakes tom or r ow? No one does. So sti ck to a genr e
that you know and l ove. And don’t c hase whatever ’ s hot at
the box- offi c e, bec ause the i ndustr y i s al r eady one step
beyond that.
I tol d each of these wri ter s that thei r scr i pts needed m uch
m or e wor k. To date, I haven’t r ead about any of them sel l i ng
thei r scr i pts, even though I h ave no r eason to doubt that
they got thei r wor k i nto the offic es of these power pl ayer s.
The r eason i s th at thei r sc ri pts wer e not r eady. N o one, not
even your br other -i n-l aw who i s Jon Hamm ’s attor ney, wi l l
r i sk thei r own r eputati on and c ar eer to pass on or pur chase
sub-par m ater i al.
Bel i eve i t or not, Hol l ywood r eader s do NOT want the sam e
ol ’ thi ng. The CE OS and the m ar keti ng depar tm ent m ay, but
the de vel opm ent depar tm ent does not. Or , if the com pany’s
devel opm ent depar tm ent has been gutted ( you know, “ the
econom y” ) then the few r em ai ni ng Cr eati ve E xecuti ves
cr amm ed i nto that dusty c ubic l e sti ll want som ethi ng NE W
and FRE SH wi th an undeni abl e HOOK. And they ar e the ones
who m ake car eer s. They want gr eat wri ters.
I once asked a Juni or Cr eati ve E xec uti ve, who i s now the
P r esi dent of P r oduc ti on of Col um bi a P i ctur es, what she was
l ooki ng for i n a sc ri pt a nd her answer was si m ple:
“ char acter .” She wanted to fi nd wr i ter s who wr ote gr eat
char acter s so she c oul d hir e them to add str ong char acter s
to thei r scr eenpl ays that wer e alr eady i n devel opm en t.
But I ’l l be honest, the odds ar e stac ked agai nst you. Ther e
ar e so m any fac tor s that go i nto a sc ri pt sal e, l i ke. . .
Fi nanc i ng
Ther e’s sti l l no guar antee that your scr i pt wil l sel l . I n fact,
I ’ve r ead sever al sc r eenpl ays that di d sell . .. and I can safel y
say that m any of m y fri ends and c li ents have wr itten m uch
str onger scr i pts . Obvi ousl y, ther e wer e other factor s hel pi ng
these scr eenpl ays that m eant m or e than the qual i ty of the
m ater i al at the tim e of subm i ssi on.
I n other wor ds, they alr ea dy have a bu nch of scri bes they
pay handsom el y to wr i te the sam e ol ’ schl ock . You have to
do better .
I f you’r e ser i ous about your c r aft, and you’r e i n thi s for the
l ong haul , you’l l foc us on wr i ti ng the best sc r i pt you can, to
star t i m pr essi ng i ndustr y fol ks so you can get those m eeti ngs
and snag that r ep and sc r ape and c l aw your way towar d
actual l y m aki ng som e m oney at thi s nutso endeavor .
I know, because I was a Seni or Stor y Anal yst who was gi ven
m ater i al fr om the top agents and pr oducer s wi th top actor s
attached. And i t wasn’t m y job to show defer ence to an
establ i shed pr o – I eval uated eac h sc r i pt on i ts own, as an
anonym ous pi ec e of wr i ti ng th at aspi r ed to be a m ovi e for
8
I ’ve r ead scr eenpl ays at ever y l evel of com petence and I ’ve
eval uated them for m ajor m ovi e c om pani es and I ’ve spent
m any year s wor ki ng wi th wr i ter s l i ke you to hel p shape your
m ater i al to m ake i t bl ow away pi c ky bastar ds l i ke m e.
Fast P ACI NG
G r eat OP E NI NG
L OW to mi d -r ange BUDG E T
SP E CTACL E
I n fact, each one of those c ategor ies i n the G r eat Scr eenpl ay
l i st r epr esents a great deal of study and pr acti ce. To tr ul y
under stan d eac h el ement star ts wi th the knowl edge and
m ethod outl i ned i n thi s book.
Ready? G ood.
I m ean. . .G r eat!
11
THE CONCEPT
12
The Bi g I dea i s. ..
The fi r st and per haps the onl y thi ng that wi l l get your
scr i pt r ead i f you’r e a new and unpr oven wr i te r .
HOOK ME
Hi g h Co n cep t .. . Th e Bi g I d ea . .. whatever you cal l it, i t’s gotta
have a HOOK. A twi st on a fam il i ar or cl assi c
char acter / scenar i o.
Her e ar e four high -c onc ept sc ri pts that sol d i n recent year s. . .
Al l i es Wi th Ben efi ts – The fem ale Pr esi dent of The Uni ted
States fal l s for her ol d c oll ege fl i ng, the new Pr im e Mi ni ster
of E ngl and.
Ro u nd tab l e – Four m oder n -day kni ghts (i . e. , cel ebr i ti es, not
war r i or s) fi nd them sel ves c al l ed upon to save the pl anet
fr om an anci ent evi l for c e.
Co mi c Con – To save their bel oved nei ghbor hood com ic shop,
a Justi ce L eague of geeks m us t pl an and execute a dar i ng
hei st at Com i c -Con.
For exam pl e :
THE STRUCTURE
20
undeni abl y c r eati ve m anner that has di sti ngui shed geni uses
l i ke Fr ank Ll oyd Wr i ght, I. M. P ei and Fr ank G ehry.
But r i ght now, I guar antee you that ther e ar e sever al fil m
students ar ound the gl obe a ttem pti ng to cr eate a hybr i d
scr eenpl ay str uc tur e that c om bi nes standar d scri pt for m at
wi th the novel and poetr y . They’r e doi ng thi s befor e they
even under stand the fundam ental s of any of these for m s,
and they’r e wasti ng thei r ti m e.
Have you ever had that exper i ence wher e you watch a fi lm or
r ead a stor y and som ethi ng i s “ wr ong ,” but you can’t put
your fi nger on i t? On the sur fac e, i t seem s to be wel l -
cr afted, but f or whatever r eason, you know the stor y took a
wr ong tur n or m ade a deci si on that di dn’t feel or gani c .
The p r otagoni st
The Basi c Stor y Map elem ents ar e vi tal and absol utel y cr uci al
to a n y stor y. Ofte n, a sc reenpl ay or fi lm does not wor k
because one or m or e of these vi tal el e ments i s m i ssi ng.
JUNO
Sc r eenpl ay wri tten by Di abl o Cody
101 pages
Flaw: Nai ve
I hi ghl y suggest you wri te down your Basi c Stor y Map and
have i t taped up besi de your c om puter ( or i n an open fi l e on
your com puter) for qui c k r efer enc e. I t m ay seem l i ke m any of
the above el em ents i n Jun o ar e si m pl e and obvi ous,
som ethi ng Di abl o Cody c oul d have easi l y kept i n m i nd as she
wr ote i t , but that ’s an assum pti on m ade a fter you’ve seen
the fi lm . For the wri ter wr i ti ng a sc r i pt for the fir st ti m e, or
even i n subsequent dr afts, i t c an onl y hel p to have a
constant r em i nder of the c ontr ol l i ng el em ents to execute the
best i nter pr etati on of the i ni ti al c onc ept.
THE LOGLINE
The l ogl i ne i s the fi nal el em ent i n the Basi c Stor y Map. You
m ay cr eate your l ogl i ne befor e the other Basi c Stor y Map
el em ents or after . E i ther way, i t’s i nc r edi bl y im por tant.
SEEDS OF TH E STOR Y
A funny si tuati on
You m ay have hear d the term “ fam il i ar but di ffer ent. ” Thi s
can be an acc ur ate depic ti on of som e hi t m ovi es and a
hel pful term , but don’t fal l i nto the habi t of just pl ucki ng
el em ents fr om other m ovies i n a bi d to m ake your scr i pt
m or e “ comm er ci al .”
A g rea t i d ea i s c omm er ci al .
A fresh h oo k i s c om m er c i al.
The fi r st and m ost im por tant step to establ i shi ng a car eer i s
devel opi ng your sc r eenwr i ti ng cr aft. I n thi s age of pi tchfests ,
scr i pt contests and “ l ogl i ne bl ast ser vi ces” that convi nce a
l ot of new wr i ter s to star t m ar keti ng thei r wor k befor e i t’s
r eady, the one thi ng you c an tr ul y c ontr ol i s your cr aft, the
qual i ty of your wor k.
31
You don’t want to tel l them how to sel l your m ovi e. You’r e
the wr i ter , you ar e no t the m ar keti ng depar tm ent. Towar d
thi s end, don’t m enti on other m ovi es i n your l ogl i ne; agai n,
sti ck to your stor y.
I f you’r e just star ti ng your scr eenpl ay, I woul d suggest you
cr aft a str ong l ogl i ne FI RST, m ake sur e i t pops, then bui l d
your stor y to r eflec t i t. And i f you’r e r ewr i ti ng a com pl eted
dr aft, then I suggest you al so cr aft a str onger l ogl i ne and
r ewr i te your stor y to fi t thi s l ogli ne. Thi s wi l l for ce you to
use an acti ve str uc tur e.
LET’S DO IT
Ther e i s m or e than one tem pl ate for a successful l ogli ne, but
I use the foll owi ng basi c c onstr uc ti on:
Agai n, you can dr aft your l ogli ne after you wri te your Basi c
Stor y Map or shape your Basi c Stor y Map to r eflect your
l ogl i ne. I t’s up to you.
THE GENRE
SE RI AL KI L LE R
Thrille r
When a r uthl ess ki l l er begi ns to m ur der peopl e in a sm al l
town, a paper boy r eal iz es the vi c ti m s ar e al l on hi s r oute and
he’s the onl y one who c an stop him .
35
SE RI AL KI L LE R
Come dy
When a r uthl ess ki l l er begi ns to m ur der peopl e in a sm al l
town, a paper boy r eal iz es the vi c ti m s ar e al l on hi s r oute and
he’s the onl y one who c an stop him !
I t’s not the best wor ded l ogli ne , but i t’s just an exam pl e of
how the sam e pi tc h c an be c onstr ued i n di fferent ways . The
fi r st one coul d be a thri l l er fr om the Coen b r other s, and the
second one c oul d be a sati r e fr om the Far r ell y br other s .
( E i ther way, i t’s appar ent that the fi lm m ust be di r ected by
si bl i ngs! )
AS GOOD AS IT GETS
wr i tten by Mar k Andr us and Jam es L. Br ooks
B ASIC STOR Y M AP:
( note: The sl ash i n the E xter nal and I nter nal G oal s
r epr esents the Mi dpoi nt, whi c h i n thi s case i s the tr ansi ti on
fr om Fal se G oal to Tr ue G oal. )
AR C: Mel vi n goes fr om i sol ati oni st jer k to fri end and l over ,
l ear ni ng that to r ec ei ve happi ness and suppor t he m ust fir st
gi ve of hi m sel f.
GLADIATOR
Sc r eenpl ay by Davi d Fr anz oni , John L ogan
and Wi l l i am Ni chol son
B ASIC STOR Y M AP
TH E H ANGOVER
Wr i tten by Jo n L ucas & Scott Moor e
B ASIC STOR Y M AP
Skill: Ni c e guy
1) PROTAGO NIST:
The m ai n char ac ter ; age, oc c upati on, status
Skill : What they’r e good at
I n d ia na Jon es ( Rai der s of the L ost Ar k) :
Ad v en tu rer a nd Arch a eo lo gi st
Wi l l Hun ti ng (G ood Wi ll Hunti ng) : Ma th g eni u s
Cl a ri ce Sta rl i ng ( The Sil ence of the L am bs) :
Detecti v e ski l l s
Fra n ki e Dun n ( Mi ll i on Dol l ar Baby) : Bo xin g
tra i n i ng
G reg Fo cker ( Meet The P ar ents) : Ki nd n ess
M isb eh a vior : A tr ai t or qui r k that consi stentl y
gener ates c onfl i c t
I n d ia na Jon es: I mp u l siv e
Wi l l Hun ti ng : Bad temp er
Cl a ri ce Sta rl i ng : I mpu l si v e a nd P eti te
Fra n ki e Dun n : Afra id to ta ke a ri sk
G reg Fo cker : L y i ng
Flaw/ Ac h ill es H eel : Thei r weakness that m akes them
fai l unti l they ar e abl e to over come i t
I n d ia na Jon es: A fra i d o f sna kes
Wi l l Hun ti ng : Fea r o f l eav i ng h i s ol d i d en ti ty
Cl a ri ce Sta rl i ng : Amb i tio n
Fra n ki e Dun n : Need s a d au g h ter to lo v e
40
7) END ING:
How the stor y c om es to a c l im ax and the r esol uti on that
fol l ows
Rai der s of the L ost Ar k: Th e a rk i s o p en ed a nd
I n d y cl o ses h i s ey es, ou t o f resp ec t fo r th e
su p ern a tu ra l po wer o f th e a rk, sa v i n g h i msel f
a n d Ma rio n .
G ood Wi l l Hunti ng: Wi l l l eav es to fi nd Skyla r
a n d sta rt a n ew li fe in Ca l i fo rn i a.
The Si l enc e of the L am bs: Cl a ri ce ca tch es
Bu ffal o Bi l l on h er o wn.
Mi l l i on Dol l ar Baby: Fra n ki e ma kes th e h ea rt -
wren ch i n g d eci si o n to ta ke Ma g gi e o ff li fe
su p p o rt.
Meet The P ar ents: G reg pa sses Ja ck’ s l i e -
d etecto r test a n d p ro po ses to Pa m.
8) AR C:
The change your pr otagoni st goes thr ough ( or power ful
r eal i z ati on they c ome to) fr om star t to fi ni sh of the stor y
I n d ia na Jon es: I n dy go es fro m a lo n e, jad ed
a th ei st to a l o vi ng bo y fri end a n d b eli ev er.
Wi l l Hun ti ng : Wi l l go es fro m an a ng ry, v i o l en t
g en i u s try in g h a rd to ma in ta in hi s th i ck,
emo ti o na l a rmo r to fo rg i vi ng hi msel f an d
mo v i ng o n wi th h i s li fe.
Cl a ri ce Sta rl i ng : Cla ri ce g o es fro m a tra in ee to
a Fed era l Ag en t .
Fra n ki e Dun n : Fra n ki e go es fro m a fai l ed
fa th er an d trai n er to a l o vi ng fa th er a nd
tra i n er ma ki ng th e u l ti ma te sa cri fi ce fo r h i s
a d op ted d au g h ter, Mag g i e.
G reg Fo cker: G reg go es fro m b ei ng su bo rd in a te
to Ja ck to b ei ng h i s resp ected so n -in -la w.
43
The Ful l Stor y Map i s the c om pl ete m eta -str uctur e of your
scr eenpl ay and the i m por tanc e of i t c annot be
over em phasi z ed. I f Them e i s the WHY you tel l the stor y,
Str uctur e i s HOW you tel l i t. Str uc ture needs to be str ong,
and ther e i s a defi ni te benc hm ar k for i t.
I al r eady m enti oned the exam ple of how the screenpl ay for
Th e Si xth Sen se was c ut down by 30 pages/m i nutes. Ju n o i s
another exam pl e. The sc r i pt for Ju no that I r eference i n thi s
book was sent out to m em ber s of the Academ y for Oscar
consi der ati on – i t's c l ear that i t’s been tr imm ed to r efl ect
the fi lm , a s ther e ar e sever al m ar ker s i n the script for
“ Om i tted Scene,” m eani ng that the or i gi nal scri pt was
l onger . The “ fat” i n the sc r i pt was ei ther cut befor e
pr oducti on or was shot and l eft on the cutti ng room fl oor .
L et’s l ook at the func ti ons and pr ogr essi on of the four basi c
acts fr om a bi g -pi c tur e per spec ti ve :
ACT TWO-B : Mor e tri al s and tr i bul ati on as confl ict escal ates ,
the dr am ati c l andsc ape expands and the pr otagoni st
unl eashes a c am pai gn based on thei r sense of per sonal
47
power . But any suc c e ss i s shor t -l i ved and they hit bottom as
they ar e faced wi th the c onsequenc es of thei r deci si on m ade
at the end of Ac t One and the Antagoni st gai ns the upper
hand. The pr otagoni st m ust m ake a deci si on i n the face of
the hi ghest c onfl ic t yet. They gener all y deci de to r i sk al l to
achi eve thei r goal wi th a new pl an .
I bel i eve str ongl y that you m ust know thi s bl uepr i nt befor e
you can m odi fy i t and exper im ent wi th i t, i n the sam e way
that you m ust under stand basi c engi neer i ng pr i nci pl es
befor e you can desi gn a m otor on an ad vanced com puter
desi gn system . A fam ous sc r eenwr i ti ng gur u tel ls us ther e
ar e thr ee basi c stor y form s for sc r eenpl ays: C l assi cal ,
Mi ni m ali st, and Anti -Str uc tur e. However , the l atter two ar e
48
STORY ENGINES
A Stor y E ngi ne i s a pl ot devi c e t hat dr i ves the stor y for a
cer tai n l ength of tim e. Som e m i ght c al l them “mi ni -m ovi es”
or “m i ni -goal s,” or you m ay just want to thi nk of a Stor y
E ngi ne as a L i ne of Ac ti on : a c har ac ter taki ng acti ve steps
towar d a goal .
ACT 3: The r ac e hom e, the weddi ng goes off wel l and Stu
dum ps Mel i ssa.
Once you know your Meta -Str uc tur e —how you’r e goi ng to
begi n and end the stor y and the per specti ve that the
audi ence wi ll see i t fr om —you want to thi nk of your stor y as
a ser i es of. ..
LINES OF ACTION
A l i ne of acti on i s sim pl y a c har ac ter pur sui ng a goal . You
want to have m ul ti pl e l i nes of ac ti on to fl esh out your stor y
and your char ac ter s, at the l east, two, whi ch i dea l l y woul d
be the E xter nal and I nter nal G oal s of the pr otagoni st .
Noti ce i n the sam pl e Stor y Maps how I ’ve defi ned two
separ ate poi nts for som e of the si gnpost beats. For exam pl e,
you m i ght see the I nc i ti ng I nc i dent ( E xter nal) on page 8 and
the I nci ti ng I nci dent ( I nter nal ) on page 10. I t depends on the
stor y.
54
As G o od As I t G et s i s a ni c e exam pl e of m ul ti pl e l i nes of
acti on – one c oul d l ook at i t as a m ul ti -pr otagoni st stor y,
si nce Jack Ni c hol son, Hel en Hunt and G r eg Ki nnear al l have
separ ate go al s and sour c es of c onfl ic t, al though i t i s sti l l
anchor ed wi th a ma i n pr otagoni st , Jac k Ni chol son’s Mel vi n
Udal l . Mel vi n needs to l ear n how to l ove whi l e Car ol nee ds
to hel p her si c k son and Si m on needs to get back the m oney
he l ost after he was attac ked and hospi tal i z ed.
55
Note how the E xter nal and I nter nal li nes converge at the
Tr ue P oi nt of N o Retur n to c r eate one, dr i vi ng l ine to push to
the Cl i m ax, the poi nt at whi c h the c har acter dr i vi ng the “ C”
stor y catches up to them and joi ns i n the fi nal battl e.
( Conver gence at the end of Ac t Two i s al so a com m on
devi ce. )
Newm an!
57
You m ust bal anc e your stor y to the four acts. E ach act
r epr esents ro u g hl y 25% of the total length of your stor y ( I
say r oughl y bec ause as we wi l l see, the actua l l engths of
each act i n the m oder n, 110 -page sc r eenpl ay ar e not equal l y
25% as they m ay have been i n a Syd Fi el d -er a 120 pager . )
Her e ar e the four ac ts i n ver y br oad str okes:
ACT TH R EE: The Fi nal Str uggl e & The Resol uti on
ACT ONE:
1) OPEN IN G ( page 1-3) : E stabl i shes ORDE R ( the uni que wor l d
of the stor y) and the P ROTAG ONI ST and comm uni cates the
THE ME . ( I deal l y, i t c an al so establ i sh the pr otagoni st ’ s
G OAL S and i ntr oduc e the CE NTRAL DRAMATI C QUE STI ON, but
these can wai t unti l E nd of Ac t One at the l atest. )
ACT TWO-A
5) FIR ST TR IAL /FIR ST CAS UAL TY ( page 38- 40) : The “ 40-
Mi nute Tr i al .” The fi r st m ajor obstac l e on the protagoni st 's
new jour ney. A ski rm i sh , for eshadowi n g a l ar ger battl e , that
r ai ses the stakes and r em i nds the pr otagoni st of the
consequences of thei r new c omm i tm ent . The “ casual ty ” m ay
be the death of an al l y or a fi gur at i ve death; the thr eat has
b eco me rea l .
ACT TWO-B
7) DECLAR ATION OF WAR /ASSUM PTI ON OF POW ER ( page
75) : The pr otagoni st exper i enc es a sur ge of str ength, r eal i z es
thei r TRUE P OWE R and they ei ther i ni ti ate a di rect attack on
the Antag oni st or they pr epar e /TRAI NS for the inevi tabl e
showdown .
ACT THREE
9) TR UE POIN T OF N O R ETUR N ( page 98-100) : A deadl y
E SCAL ATI ON that c onc l usi vel y sets up the fi nal battl e;
r atchets the stakes and tensi on up another notch as the
thr eat takes on even m or e power , becom i ng seem i ngl y
i nsur m ountabl e . The pr otagoni st m akes a statem ent of
i ntenti on s and/or fi nds the antagoni st’ s Achi l l es Heel ,
for m ul ati ng the m ethod of defeat . Fr om thi s poin t on, ther e
tr ul y i s N O RE TURN! I f they di d not tr ul y r i sk ever ythi ng at
the E nd of Ac t T wo, then they m ust do so here. They go “ al l
i n,” so to speak.
JUNO
Sc r eenpl ay wri tten by Di abl o Cody
101 pages
BEAT SHEET
( note: thi s i s not a c om pl ete sc ene l i st, onl y a li st of the
m ajor “ si gnpost” pl ot poi nts)
ACT ONE
30 – ACT I ends.
64
ACT TWO- A
ACT TWO-B
ACT THRE E
100 - 101 EPIL OG UE: Juno and her offi ci al boyfr iend , P aul i e ,
who i s "total l y boss as far as boyfr i ends go," si ng a song
together .
Act One ends at m i nute 30. .. Ac t Two ends at 90.. . the m ajor
beats occur at 10, 20, 27 , 55, 75 , 87 , 100 and 10 7. S ound
fam i l i ar ?
Hu stl e & Flo w’s stor y i s foc used on one thr oughli ne ( m or e so
than Ju n o ) so I don’t see the need to br eak out E xter nal and
I nter nal beats .
BEAT SHEET
( note: thi s i s not a c om pl ete sc ene l i st)
ACT ONE
ACT TWO- A
46 – COM B AT: Djay fi ghts wi th L ex us, ki cks her and her baby
out of the house after she bel i ttl es him about his dr eam of
bei ng a r apper .
ACT TWO-B
ACT THRE E
Al though Up has som e sti l ted di al ogue and cli ché m oments,
i t featur es som e fant asti c them ati c wor k, thr i l ling set pi eces
and power ful c har ac ter ar c s. Note: The l ength i s shor t – onl y
89 m i nutes – so the beats that fol l ow the Decl a ra ti o n o f
Wa r/As su mp ti o n o f P o wer occ ur sooner than wi th a l onger
scr i pt.
Up
Ani m ated Acti on -Com edy
Sc r eenpl ay by Bob P eter son & P ete Docter
89 Mi nutes
BEAT SHEET
( note: thi s i s not a c om pl ete sc ene l i st)
ACT ONE
ACT TWO- A
ACT TWO-B
ACT THRE E
87 – CLIM AX: Car l and Russel l pil ot Muntz 's bl imp hom e, and
Car l stands i n as Russel l ’s father when Russel l r ecei ves hi s
Boy Scouts badge fo r "Assi sti ng the E l der l y . ” Car l gi ves him
“ E l li e’s Badge. ”
71
VII. THEME
Them e can be your way i nto a stor y. For exam ple, Danny
Boyl e and Sim on Beaufoy m ade two fi lm s based on r eal -l ife
scenar i os, Sl u md o g Mil l io n ai re and 127 Ho u rs – in both they
found the way i nto the stor y by expl ori ng a cor e them e and
desi gni ng scenes ar ound i t, som e tr ue to l i fe and other s
fi cti onal : “ desti ny ” i n Sl u mdo g Mi ll i on a i re and
“ per sever anc e ” i n 127 Hou rs.
char acter m i ght ac t i n a sc ene, ask your sel f how they mi ght
best expr ess the them e. )
The audi ence does not need to under stand your them e ri ght
away; i t can bec om e cl ear l ater . An exam pl e of thi s i s the
openi ng of Th e Da rk Kn i gh t . The Joker says “ I bel i eve
whatever doesn’t ki l l you, si m pl y m akes you…stranger . ” He’s
stati ng the them e: i f you terr or iz e peopl e wi th the thr eat of
death, they wi l l ac t i n c haotic , sel f -destr ucti ve ways.
PREVALENT THEMES
Our popul ar fi lm s and tv shows tend to m i ne the sam e batch
of “ cl assi c” them es. I n fac t, m uc h of our cl a ssi c li ter atur e
and m ythol ogy expr esses the sam e pool of themes. The
r eason these stor i es have been enjoyed all over the wor l d
for centur i es i s thei r uni ver sal appeal , which one can say i s
the functi on of ar t: to expl or e, expl ai n and express the
hum an cond i ti on. I n Ar thur Mil l er ’s wor ds, “ to m ake us feel
l ess al one. ”
Col e's gr andm other tel l s Col e the m essage for him to
pass on to hi s m other .
Thi s r esul ts i n Mal c olm and Col e shar i ng the sam e E xter na l
G oal whil e havi ng thei r own I nter nal G oal s:
C ole S e a r T o l e arn h o w t o u s e T o t el l hi s mo t he r ab o u t
( H al e y J oe l Co l e 's p o w e rs fo r h i s p o we rs.
O s me n t ) good.
“ B IG” TH EM ES
I 've noti ced that the bi gger the fi lm , the m or e br oad the
them e tends to be.
Ki l l The Joker .
The wr i ter s use them e to cr eate Br uc e’s acti ons and the
tr i al s that he wil l fac e i n hi s fi ght to achi eve hi s goal . Thi s i s
why I cal l i t the “ c ontr ol l i ng” them e ; i t can be used to
essenti al l y di c tate a c har ac ter ’s ac ti ons and di a logue and
gui de the pl ot of the stor y. I t m ai ntai ns the cr uci al “ stor y
focus” needed to hol d a Reader ’s attenti on.
Br uce steal s L uci us’ tec hnol ogy and uses i t to i nfr i nge
on the pr i vac y of al l of G otham ’s ci ti z ens, whom he
has swor n to pr otec t wi th honor.
Har vey Dent tor tur es a par anoi d schi z ophr eni c for
i nfor m ati on.
The actual beat was not evi dent i n the l ogl i ne when I showed
i t to Scott Rosenber g ( Arma g ed do n , Bea u ti fu l G irl s, Hi g h
Fi d el i ty, Go n e i n 60 Seco n d s ) – i t onl y sai d that he found the
wi fe al i ve . He took one l ook at i t and sai d. ..
He had l ooked at the l ogl i ne and im medi atel y extr apol ated
the dr am ati c el em ents to thei r l ogic al extr em es.
I n Si d ewa ys, Jac k ( Thom as Hayden Chur ch) has al r eady had
one affai r and got hi s nose br oken i n 3 pl aces, but he sti l l
i nsi sts o n sl eepi ng wi th the wai tr ess, l eadi ng him to get
caught by her husband . I t gets wor se when Jack m akes Mi l es
( P aul G i am atti ) go bac k to the house to retr i eve hi s wal l et,
and Mi l es g ets c hased by the naked husband. Thi s r epr esents
the ul ti m ate test of Mil e s’ l oyal ty to hi s fri end.
Why? Because not onl y does Dr am a = Confl ict, but Hol l ywood
i s fi l l ed wi th thousands of bor ed wor ker s r eadi ng the sam e
ol d pl ot tur ns and stor y m e c hani c s -- pul l the seat out fr om
under them and they’l l l ove you for i t.
87
When I fir st watc hed Sun set Bou l eva rd ( 1950) at hom e on
DVD, I imm edi atel y notic ed that Bi l l y Wi l der had str uctur ed
hi s fi l m exactl y to the Stor y Ma p par adi gm ( Ful l Stor y Map i n
the Appendi x) .
As you pr epar e to str uc tur e your own nar r ati ve, her e's som e
sti l l -r el evant advic e fr om the l ate, gr eat m aster .. .
1. The au di enc e i s fi c kl e.
2. G r ab 'em by the thr oat and don't l et go.
3. Devel op a c l ean l i ne of ac ti on for your l eadi ng char acter.
4. Know wher e you'r e goi ng.
5. The m or e subtl e and el egant you ar e i n hi di ng your pl ot
poi nts, the better you ar e as a wr i ter.
6. I f you have a pr obl em wi th the thi r d act, the real pr obl em
i s the fi r st ac t.
7. A ti p fr om L ubi tsc h: L et the audi ence add up two pl us two.
They'l l l ove you for i t.
8. I n doi ng voi c e -over s, be c ar eful not to descr i be what the
audi ence al r eady sees. Add to what they ar e seei ng.
9. The event that oc c ur s at the sec ond -act cur tain tr i gger s
the end of the m ovi e.
10. The thi r d ac t m ust bui l d, bui l d, buil d i n tempo and acti on
unti l the l ast event, and then –
11. – that's i t. Don't hang ar ound.
Classic Examp le – Kra mer Vs. Kra mer : Ted com es hom e l ate
fr om wor k and hi s wife Joanna wal ks out , l eavi ng hi m and
thei r young son.
E ri n Bro cko vi ch : Er i n stor m s i nto E d's offi ce, the l awyer who
l ost her per sonal i njur y l awsui t c ase i n the openi ng, and
dem ands a job.
91
Up : Car l l ets l oose the bal l oons and l aunches hi s house i nto
the sky.
Fro z en Riv er: Ray ( Meli ssa L eo) deci des to m ake her fi r st
sm uggl i ng r un to save her hom e.
Kra mer Vs. Kra mer : Just as Ted i s bondi ng wi th hi s son and
m aki ng si ngle father hood wor k, he gets fir ed fr om hi s job,
thr eateni ng hi s c ustody.
Ro cky : Rocky Bal boa r el uc tantl y agr ees to fi ght Apol l o Cr eed .
He i s m ade fun of by Cr eed i n the press confer ence and
adm i ts to Adr i an that thi s upset him .
I n cep ti on : The team c hooses a n i nter nati onal fl ight for the
m i ssi on.
6A) ON E H OUR WAR /TR IUM PH (p age 60) (Op t ion al) :
Just when you thought i t c oul dn’t get any wor se. . . i t
gets wor se!
Kra mer Vs. Kra mer : I n c our t, Ted for gi ves Joanna; Joanna
wi ns the case, but dec i des to gi ve Ted custody of thei r son.
But befor e you do, I suggest you wri te out a Stor y Map of
your own, for a new sc r i pt or an exi sti ng one, usi ng the
wor ksheet bel ow. Don’t wor r y about getti ng i t rig h t on thi s
fi r st pass, just wr i te i t.
109
THE WORKSHEET
110
The Them e:
The Ar c of C hange:
111
LOGLIN E:
ACT ONE :
ACT TWO -A :
ACT THRE E :
112
B EAT SH EET:
ACT ONE:
DECIS IO N :
113
ACT TWO-A:
ACT TWO-B:
DECIS ION :
114
ACT THREE:
N OTES:
115
To hel p devel op your str uc tur e ski l l s and your under standi ng
of the Stor y Map, I suggest you wr i te m aps for yo ur favor i te
fi l m s. Thi s can al so hel p you wi th a specifi c scr i pt. I am a bi g
pr oponent of basi ng the str uc tur e of your scr eenpl ay on an
exi sti ng m ovi e that shar es key attr i butes wi th your stor y.
Thi s i s a gr eat i dea for any sc r i pt, but i t’s especial l y hel pful
i n the earl y stages of your wr i ti ng.
THE MECHANICS
117
I f a scen e d o es n o t. ..
a) Ad v an ce th e sto ry
b ) Reveal cru ci al ch ar acte r
o r. . .
c) Exp l o re th e T h eme
. . . CUT IT !!
ACTIVE STORYTELLING
“ Acti ve Stor ytel li ng” i s m y term to descri be scr eenwr i ti ng
that consi stentl y advanc es the stor y, br i ngs about change,
escal ates confl i c t, r ai ses the stakes, shows char acter thr ough
acti on, sh o ws r ather than tell s and has an over all ci n em ati c
sense to i t ( i t “ feel s li ke a m ovi e” ) . I t’s no easy task, but
you’l l l ear n how to ac hi eve i t i f you wor k har d enough.
Her e's an edi ted ver si on wi th c uts i n str i kethr ough and
changes i n bol d:
1. OP E NI NG : JOE i s fir ed fr om hi s accounti ng job.
2. Joe dr i nks al one at a bar. He tel l s the bar tender he
just l ost hi s job. H is c red it c a rd is d ec lin ed , so he
t ells t h e b a rt en d er h e’s go in g to an ATM and will
ret u rn s oo n , bu t h e ru n s a wa y. H e's hu miliat ed .
121
I n the edi ted ver si on, we see the wi fe gl ar e at him and then
i m m edi atel y c ut to Joe sl eepi ng on the couch. I t's per fectl y
cl ear that she kic ked him out of bed as a r evenge fo r hi s
bei ng fir ed and ther e's no need for an i ntr oductor y
expl anati on.
B. The char ac ter does that thi ng, exactl y as he explai ned
he wou l d.
Bleeker s miles.
BALANCE
As you l ook at your sc ene l i st, you don't want 15 scenes i n
your Act One, four i n your Ac t Two and 12 i n your Act Thr ee
because thi s woul d be out of bal anc e wi th the cruci al
str uctur e of the Stor y Map. Rem em ber the page counts for
each of the four ac ts and tr y for yo ur scene li st to r efl ect
these l engths i n pr opor ti on :
The Le ssons:
SCENE WORK
Fi r stl y, fol l ow the gol den r ul e for sc ene l ength. . .
I ’m l eavi ng out m any detai l s for the sake of br evi ty, but thi s
i s the basi c sc ene pr ogr essi on of the fi r st hal f of the fi lm and
i t’s bu i l t on thr ee s. Shyam al an exper tl y advances m ul ti pl e
l i nes of acti on i n a si ngl e sc ene by c om pr essi ng acti on i nto
the sam e scene. For exam pl e, E l i jah sees the gun i n the
Str ange Man’s bel t bec aus e he’s fal l en down the stai r s,
whi ch br eaks hi s l egs. Thi s i njur y for c es him to m eet Audr ey,
Dunn’s wi fe, who i s a physi c al ther api st who wi l l be wor ki ng
wi th E li jah on hi s l egs. El i jah’s pr obi ng of i nformati on about
Dunn’s i njur y i n the c ar cr ash wi l l eve ntual l y l ead us to fi nd
out the tr uth: Dunn faked the knee i njur y, for l ove, so he
coul d be wi th Audr ey. Thi s pushes us cl oser to Dunn showi ng
to us that he i s, i ndeed, a super her o.
The best use of thi s tec hni que rec al l s Bi l l y Wi l der ’s advi ce. . .
“ L et the Audi enc e put two and two together. They’l l thank
you for i t.”
A WRITING TIP
Her e's a hel pful r ul e that c an r eall y im pr ove your output. . .
The fi r st uses one dash and the sec ond uses two dashes. Thi s
i s i m por tant, bec ause you c an dr i ve a r eader cr az y by
constantl y waver i ng between the two styl es.
You can even get fanc y and use a per i od i nstead of a dash, as
l ong as you do i t ever y ti m e, but for the r ecor d, I don't
advi se thi s as i t l ooks pr etenti ous. . .
. . . shoul d be.. .
138
. . . and. ..
. . . shoul d be.. .
. . . or just. . .
KITCHEN
whi te space.
But i t’s okay now to onl y si ngl e spac e befor e that next l i ne
si nce we ar e so used to seei ng that done on a dai l y basi s i n
pr i nt ( i t al so has som ethi ng to do wi th uni form -si z ed
char acter s and Tr uetype fonts on your com puter, as a fr i end
tr i ed to expl ai n to me befor e I fel l asl eep ) .
FLASHBACKS
P er sonal l y, for fl ashbac k sc enes, I prefer to use thi s si m pl e
for m at. ..
SUPER: 19 42
JUNO V.O.
I hate it when adults use t he ter m
"sexually activ e."
CUT TO:
Tr y to keep your desc ri pti on par agr aphs two to four l i nes
thi ck. Not two to f our sen ten ces, but two to four l i nes on the
page, m ar gi n to m ar gi n. For exam pl e, thi s woul d be a two
l i ne bl ock of desc r i pti on, even though i t’s one sentence:
Now, com par e the Bl a ck Swan page to thi s poor ly bal anced
exam pl e , wi th way too m uc h i nk , fr om thi s obscur e novel i st
nam ed Stephen Ki ng . Thi s i s a page fr om hi s own scr i pt
adaptati on of hi s no vel , Desp era ti on [Touchstone Tel evi si on]
( pl ease excuse the c r ooked sc an) :
DON'T “DIRECT”
Repeat after m e: I am the sc r eenwr i ter , not the di r ector .
Don't use too m any var i ati ons on DAY or NIG HT.
USING CONTINUOUS
I see a l ot of c onfusi on wi th usi ng CONTI NUOUS. I t i s used
onl y i f a sequenc e c hanges to a new l ocati on wi th no br eak
i n the tim el i ne. E . g. ,
Make sur e your page num ber s ar e i n the upper ri ght hand
cor ner and ar e al so i n Cour i er 12 pt. l i ke the r est of your
scr i pt. Ther e shoul d al so be a peri od im m edi ately after the
num ber , l i ke thi s. . .
12.
Tur n off the page c ounter that shows how m any pages the
cur r ent scene has been r unni ng for . E. g. , don’t incl ude thi s
at the top of the page. . .
CONTINUED (4):
CHARACTER NAMES
I f you'r e consi stent wi th your form at and punctuati on, soon
the r eader won't even noti c e i t as thei r eye m oves qui cker
down the page. The same goes for CHARACTE R NAME S above
di al ogue; eve ntual l y, our eye ski ps over the name as we
qui ckl y r ecogni z e i t i n our per i pher al vi si on. For thi s r eason,
you don't want to nam e two c har ac ter s wi th the sam e fir st
i ni ti al , e. g. ,
DANA
Hey Danny , how' s it g oing?
DANNY
Good, Dan a, hey , gues s what I
learned t oday?
147
DANA
What?
DANNY
That our names are ve ry sim ilar
so in a t wo-per son di alogue scene
like this one, the re ader's eye
gets conf used a nd mix es us up.
DANA
Son of a b-!
Whi ch school teac her sti c ks out for you? MRS. JOHNSON or
MRS. SCHAUDE NFRE UDE ?
Ther e's the dash - the doubl e dash -- the el li psi s. . . and the
par agr aph
br eak.
You can use these for m s of punc tuati on to control paci ng,
tone, and to m ake a sc ene feel l i ke a ser i es of shots or beats
as they woul d be shown i n a m ovi e. Her e's an exam pl e of the
doubl e d ash fr om the thr il l er Ea g l e E ye [Dr eam wor ks SKG ] :
CALLISTER
What I'm about to tel l you can ne ve r
leave thi s room .
(beat)
Three day s ago we got what we
Thought w as iro n-clad i ntel from th e
Brits.
(beat)
And we ma de the hit.
LATESHA
The White House said we wer en't
responsib le for –
CALLISTER
-- of cou rse th ey did . We g ot the
wrong guy . And Aria k new it .
FASTE R !
CAMERON
They were cops! They had gu ns!
Where do you th ink yo u're l iving,
with momm y and daddy in
Greenwich ?
CHRISTINE
--Go to h ell.
But not ever y Reader wi l l agr ee. Di ffer ent r eader s wi l l r ead
your scr i pt i n di ffer ent ways.
152
E ver had a fri end tel l you that a m om ent i n your scr i pt i s
hi l ar i ous, when you m eant for i t to be sober i ng? Me, too. I t
sucks. ( B ut hey, at l east they'r e l aughi ng, whi ch m eans you
got a str ong em oti on out of them . )
Fantasti c voi c e. But her e's what the audi ence sees i n the
m ovi e. ..
Not bad, huh? But keep i n m i nd you don't want to use thi s
m uch styl e i n ever y sc ene, o ther wi se you'l l pad the scr i pt
and r i sk m i ssi ng your page tar gets for your si gnpost beats;
but i t's pr etty standar d to do a bi t of showi ng off i n the
i ntr oducti on of a key c har ac ter , and thi s m ay com e i n handy
154
A SERIES OF SHO TS
P oor Ni ck.
But. . . the dead don't sl eep. They'r e dead. And the above i s a
cl i ché that I 've seen wri tten too m any ti mes, i n scr i pts and
books.
Jam es Cam er on desc r i bed a shot of the sun gl i steni ng off the
sur face of the oc ean as “ Di am onds i n oil . ” That’ s el egance.
Thi nki ng of the big pi c tur e, you al r eady know that one page
of pr oper l y for m atted sc r eenpl ay equal s one m inute of
m ovi e scr een tim e, and that I suggest you pace your scr i pt
l i ke m oder n m ovi es ar e c ut. But you sti l l m ight h ave a
questi on i n the bac k of your m i nd .. .
No.
157
Okay, that's ki nda funny i f thi s wer e a com e dy, but i t's sti l l a
l ot of tel l in g. To sh o w thi s, you woul d descr i be a sul tr y gal
who sl i nks i nto a bar i n a shor t ski r t, appr oaches the fi r st
l ucky gent she sees, says som ethi ng to hi m , to whi ch he
pr om ptl y cr i nges, gr abs hi s nose and r uns away (or passe s
out, i f thi s wer e a m ore si l l y m ovie. . . or tur ns and thr ows up
al l over the bar , i f thi s wer e a Sel tz er -Fr i edber g joi nt) .
I need a shower .
Uh. . . yeah.
Her e’s som e str ong c har ac ter i ntr oducti ons fr om pr oduced
scr i pts. Fr om Th e Bea v er by Kyl e Ki ll en . ..
Fr om Cra sh .. .
Now.
L i ve.
Her e's what the audi enc e sees and one way to wr i te thi s
scene i n a m or e ec onom ic al fashi on. ..
SLAMMED b y a Le xus!
Ther e's sever al other var i ati ons you c oul d use, l ike a doubl e
dash or an el l i psi s after h e's -- or begi nni ng the second
sentence wi th Jo e or A L exu s. I n the above exampl e, the
second sentenc e begi ns wi th a ver b, SL AMME D rather than
the subject ( Joe or L exus) , but you'l l notice that SL AMME D i s
i n the past tense. I t sti l l r ead s okay, b ut SL AMS woul d be the
techni cal l y co rrect opti on, so l et's tr y that :
Her e, I had to m enti on the L exus befor e the paragr aph br eak
i nto the second sentenc e to justi fy the SL AMS ver b.
I t's not a huge di ffer enc e , but I 'd say the fi r st one i s m ore
el egant.
Keep i t second per son pr esent tense and use strong, uni que
ver bs that captur e tone, em oti on, and char acter .
Yuck.
Be e l egant.
164
THE VOICE
165
Your voi ce com es out i n Di al ogue and Descr i pti on, but I
bel i eve that di al ogue i s not qui te as im por tant as str uctur e
and descr i pti on for sp ec sc r eenpl ays subm i tted by a NE W
wr i ter . Di al ogue m ay wi n Osc ar s for the bi g boys and get
m any an establ i shed pr o hi r ed on assi gnm ent, but for you, I
say keep i t as l ean as possi bl e. You sti l l want to wr i te
di sti ncti ve di al ogue for eac h c har ac ter , but you m ust avoi d
the constant tem ptati on to c omm uni c ate exposi ti on i n
di al ogue.
I l i ke the fur ni tur e bei n g "tor tur ed i nto wei r d shapes," but
for m e that "r obots" l i ne hi ts the bull ’s-eye. We i m m edi atel y
know thi s i s a c hi c , Holl ywood c ondo owned by peopl e wi th
too m uch m oney and z er o c om passi on for thei r fel l ow hum an
169
bei ngs. That's not nec essar i l y co mmen ta ry for me, that's ju st
good descr i pti on.
But not you. The unknown. The newbi e. You get no sl ack,
scr i be.
Why?
And keep those desc r i pti on par agr aphs to 2 -4 l i nes thi ck.
And by gr eat Odi n's bear d m ake sur e i t's CL E AR. Show us
what we see and what we hear i n the m ost str aightfor war d,
cl ear way possi bl e. . . whil e sti l l c hoosi ng the best wor d i n the
enti r e E ngl i sh lexi c on. No bi ggee, r i ght?
TO DO --
B e c lea r
B e sp ec ific
B e elega n t
B e un iq u e ( wi thout bei ng too l i tera ry )
Use st ron g, a c t ive verb s
Cap t u re to n e
171
NOT TO DO --
Do n 't exp la in
Do n 't c o mment
Do n 't u s e fo rms o f "b e" ( i s, a re )
Do n 't u s e gen eric d es c ript io n s ( e.g. "He l ooks l ike the
Al l -Am er ic an c aptai n of the footbal l team . ")
CAROL
Have you ever l et a r omanti c
moment ma ke you do so methin g you
know is s tupid?
MELVIN
Never.
CAROL
Here's th e trou ble wi th nev er.
TIGHT SHO T
MELVIN
You don't owe m e that .
I f you l ean bac k and l ook at that bi g par agr aph as a whol e, i t
l ooks unwi el dy wi th al l the el l i pses and dashes, but when
you r ead i t.. . i t wor ks. And I c an't say why, or how they di d i t.
A YOUNG S OLDIER
A FIGURE
NICE TO MEET ME
A FIGURE
Her e's Stuar t Beatti e's i ntr oduc ti on of VI NCE NT ( Tom Cr ui se)
i n hi s scr eenpl ay Co ll a tera l [P ar am ount P i ctures], page 1. . .
FADE IN:
The l i ttl e com m entar y bl ur b "And that's the i dea. . . " cl ues us
i nto the scenar i o, dr aws us i nto what seem s to be a r use, a
di sgui se of som e sor t. Som e gam e i s bei ng pl ayed. We don't
yet know i f i t's a funny or deadl y gam e, but we'll soon fi nd
out.
MELVIN UD ALL
Next, we see hi m per form the fol l owi ng acti ons, whi ch I
woul d fi l e under the TO DO c ol um n. ..
176
Ni ce detai l s.
LT. DAN
You must be my F.N.G. 's.
LT. DAN
Ho! Get y our ha nds do wn. Do not
salute me . Ther e are goddam ned
snipers a ll aro und th is are a who
would lov e to g rease an off icer.
177
LT. DAN
What's wr ong wi th you r lips ?
BUBBA
I was bor n with big g ums, s ir.
LT. DAN
Yeah, wel l, you bette r tuck that in .
Gonna get that caught on a trip
wire.
Where you boys from i n the world?
LT. DAN
You twins ?
FORREST
No, we ar e not relati ons, s ir.
PETER
We...have come to see ...Asl an.
ASLAN
Welcome, Peter, Son o f Adam .
Welcome, Susan and Lu cy, Da ughter s
of Eve.
BE SPECIFIC
Som eti m es i t's just one di sti nc ti ve wor d or phr ase that
br i ngs the zi ng.
VINCENT A PPEARS
Cl ea ri n g sp a ce. .. co l la p si ng wa l l s. .. b lo sso ms o f wh i te
fl a me. .. ver y ni c e wor d c hoi ce .
180
DIFFERENT WOMAN
My husban d!
WE GET IT
Unfor tunatel y, even the pr os ex hi bi t the bad habi t of
expl ai ni ng too m uc h i n thei r pr oduc ti on dr afts, but we'l l l et
them sl i de bec ause they m ay be c ater i ng to the ski m m i ng
habi ts of al l of the exec s, ac tor s and c r ew mem ber s who wi ll
be r eadi ng thi s dr aft.
VINCENT + MAX
MAX
We're alm ost at the n ext st op.
VINCENT
Hey, Max. .. A g uy get s on t he MTA
here in L A and dies.
(off Max' s look )
Think any body.. .will notice ?
183
MAX
VINCENT
Mi ddl e E ast, then I 'd war r ant i t was appr eci ated. But too
m any of these asi des woul d qui c kl y m ake the scri pt i nto a
hi stor y l esson, an exc use for an am ateur wr i ter to show off
thei r r esear c h.
. . . and i t wor ks. But next, thi s par entheti cal i s i n di r e need of
a r ed pen !
COLIN
(not vain glorio us, bu t
innocentl y stre tching for
the idea)
You're in troub le if you're "only "
anything.
PACE YOURSELF
Ther e ar e di ffer ent m ethods for c aptur i ng those m om ents
when the pul se m ust r ac e. Her e's an exam ple of an acti on
sequence fr om Tony Kushner and Er i c Roth's scr eenpl ay
Mu n i ch [ Based on the Book “ Vengeance” by G eor ge Jonas.
185
Dr eam wor ks SKG , Uni ver sal P i c tur es] . I t's dynami c and i t
fl ows wel l , but wi th no CAP P I NG , i t c er tai nl y feel s di ffer ent
than a thr i l l er li ke Co l la tera l . Softer , per haps? Was thi s
i ntenti onal , si nc e Mun i ch i s a hi stor i c al dr am a?
Seem s a bi t odd that they woul dn't c ap an "enorm ous expl osi on,"
doesn't i t? Ju st for the sake of r esearch, l et's l ook at another E ri c
R oth acti on sc ene, fr om Fo rrest G u mp. . .
LT. DAN
Take cove r!
Yeah, I thi nk i t's safe to say that E r ic Roth doesn't l i ke CAP S. . . but
I 'm not goi ng to argue wi th the wri ter of Fo rrest G u mp , Th e In si d er
and Al i so we’l l c al l i t even.
187
XVI. DIALOGUE
BUTCH
Pack of R ed App les.
BARTENDER
Filters?
BUTCH
None.
Thi s punchy exc hange r epl aces what c oul d have been a fl at,
functi onal exc hange.
A cl assi c fr om As Go o d As I t G ets :
RECEPTION IST
How do yo u writ e wome n so w ell?
MELVIN
I take a man, a nd I r emove reason
and accou ntabil ity.
188
MAGGIE
People sa y I’m pretty tough .
FRANKIE
Girly, to ugh ai n’t en ough.
NORRINGTO N
You are, withou t doub t, the worst
pirate I' ve eve r hear d of.
MAGGIE (C ONT.)
If I was thinki ng str aight, I’d
go back h ome, f ind a used
trailer, buy a deep f ryer a nd
some Oreo ’s. Pr oblem i s, th is is
the only thing I ever felt good
doin’.
Now i f hi s two dar k -sui ted hi tm en, Jul es and Vi ncent, wal ked
i nto, say, Ame ri ca n Bea u ty , som ethi ng woul d be a bi t ami ss.
Because thei r speec h woul d not be c onsi stent with the wor l d
of the char ac ter s i n Al an Bal l 's sc r i pt. But yet i n that fi l m ,
we bel i eve the teenager Ri c ky Fi tts speaks i n a poeti c styl e
because he's been establ i s hed as a wi thdr awn , ar ti sti c type
of char acter . I t m akes sense. He m ay not speak li ke any
teenage boy you know, but that's okay, because. . . MOVI E S
ARE NOT RE AL LI FE . P eopl e don't tal k i n m ovi es li ke they do
i n r eal l i fe—they c oul dn't —i t woul d pr ove tedi ous for an
audi ence. Al l the stops and star ts, the poi ntl ess
obser vati ons, the i nfor m ati on l eft out because th e other
190
E asi er sai d than done. But that's why we'r e her e. L et's l ook
at som e gui deli nes for di al ogue I 've l ai d out.
GOOD DIALOGUE:
c ) Subver t our expec tati ons ( i .e. Take sur pr i si ng tur ns) .
The fi nal , and som eti m es best, thi ng a good di alogue scene
can do i s. . .
MELVIN
My compli ment i s that when you ca me
to my hou se tha t time and t old me
how you'd never -- we ll, yo u were
there, yo u know ... Th e next
morning I start ed tak ing th ese
pills.
192
CAROL
(a little confu sed)
I don't q uite g et how that' s a
complimen t for me.
MELVIN
You make me wan t to b e a be tter
man.
CAROL
That's ma ybe th e best compl iment
of my lif e.
MELVIN
Then I've reall y over shot h ere
'cause I was ai ming a t just enoug h
to keep y ou fro m walk ing ou t.
SKINNY BL ACK
My underg round. Look, Tigga .
Slobs, lo ok at what t hi s ni gga
got.
(genuine)
I... can' t beli eve yo u got one
of these, man. I don' t got none
of these left.
D.JAY
(leans in for e ffect)
Skinny, y ou got thous ands o f
these in you. J ust co me bac k home .
E d ( Br uno Ki r by) tell s the sad stor y of the day when he was
14 and hi s m other c aught hi s father c heati ng. E d ki cked hi s
father out and he bec am e the m an of the house.
ED
I took ca re of my mot her an d
my sister from that d ay on.
That’s my best day.
PHIL
What was your w orst d ay?
ED
Same day.
GOOD B AD
B ui ld s to GOA L o f S ce ne S tatic; N o U r ge nc y
GOOD B AD
U si ng S ubte xt E xp la i ni ng S ub te xt
S urp r i se P redict ab le
BOGARTIN’ BUKOWSKI
Her e’s a scene fr om Si d ewa y s wi th som e nice detai l s. Jack,
the eter nal l y hopeful one, i s tr yi ng to cheer up hi s
depr essi ve fr i end Mi l es after Mil es’ book was r ejected.
EXT. BEAC H - DA Y
JACK
Just writ e anot her on e. You have
lots of i deas, right?
MILES
No, I'm f inishe d. I'm not a
writer. I 'm a m iddle - school
English t eacher . I'm going to
spend the rest of my life g rading
essays an d read ing th e work of
others. I t's ok ay. I like b ooks.
The world doesn 't giv e a sh it wha t
I have to say. I'm un necess ary.
(a dark laugh)
I'm so in signif icant, I can 't eve n
kill myse lf.
JACK
What's th at sup posed to mea n?
MILES
You know -- Hem ingway , Sext on,
Woolf, Pl ath, D elmore Schwa rtz.
You can't even kill y oursel f befo re
you've ev en pub lished .
JACK
What abou t that guy w ho wro te
Confedera cy of Dunces ? He
committed suici de bef ore he g ot
published , and look h ow fam ous he
is.
197
MILES
Thanks.
JACK
Don't giv e up. You're going to
make it.
MILES
Half my l ife is over, and I have
nothing t o show for i t. I'm a
thumbprin t on t he win dow of a
skyscrape r. I'm a smu dge of
excrement on a tissue surgi ng out
to sea wi th a m illion tons of raw
sewage.
JACK
See? Righ t ther e. Jus t what you
just said . That 's bea utiful . A
thumbprin t on a skysc raper. I
couldn't write that.
MILES
Neither c ould I . I th ink it 's
Bukowski.
MARK
This is o ur att orney, Gerta Rauss .
JUNO
(in exagg erated , grow ling
German ac cent)
Geeeeerta Rauuu ss!
GERTA
(straight )
Nice to m eet yo u.
MAC
I'm Mac M acGuff , and this, of
course, i s my d aughte r Juno .
MARK
Like the city i n Alas ka?
JUNO
No.
MARK
Cool. Wel l, let 's sit down and ge t
to know e ach ot her a bit.
199
VANESSA
I'll get drinks . What would every on e
like? I'v e got Pelleg rino, Vitami n
Water...
JUNO
A Maker's Mark, pleas e. Up.
MAC
She's jok ing. J unebug has a
wonderful sense of hu mor, w hich i s
just one of her many geneti c gift s.
JUNO
I also ha ve goo d teet h. No
cavities. We fi nally got
fluoridat ed wat er in Dancin g Elk.
VOICE-OVER
I ’m not a fan.
XVII. CHARACTER
CH AR ACTER = ACTION
G i ve your char ac ter s uni que ac ti ons and deci si ons. SHO W
thei r char acter , who they ar e, how they feel and how they
vi ew the worl d, thr ough their ac ti ons. Di al ogue is al so vi tal
to establ i shi ng a uni que c har ac ter , but acti ons ar e mo re
i m por tant.
Str ong, bel i evabl e m oti vati on for a c har acter ’s acti ons i s
cr uci al . We dem and str onger m oti vati on fr om a scr i pt than
fr om a fi lm . On fi l m , c ontr adi c ti ons ar e easi er to handl e
because you'r e seei ng thi s c hari sm ati c actor do these thi ngs
and ther e's no way to c hange i t. But a scri pt i s m al l eabl e;
you can al ways just c hange that li ttl e bi t that doesn't wor k
for you, so the wr i ter needs to wor k har der on ear ni ng those
beats.
SYMPATHY
Too m any fi lm s these days foc us on an anti -her o wi th ver y
few, i f any, r edeem i ng qual i ti es. I t’s okay to have a
pr otagoni st wi th a dar k si de, but i f they’r e ALL dar k, i t’s
goi ng to be tough for us to r oot for them . At the l east, they
need som e ki nd of a m or al c or e. Som e code of justi ce that
they adher e to.
The thr ee m ost si m pl e ways to gai n our sym pathy for your
pr otagoni st:
Thus. . .
I n Ro cky , Roc ky Bal boa ( Syl vester Stal l one) shakes down a
gam bl er but c an’t br eak the guy’s thum bs l i ke his boss tol d
hi m to do. He’ s just too ni c e of a guy, and that’s why we l ove
hi m .
209
THE CAREER
211
But that’s not the o n l y thi ng that wi l l get your foot i n the
door . Ther e ar e two si des to your c ar eer : ther e’s your wor k
and the m ar keti ng of your wor k. Mar keti ng i s a bi g
com m i tm ent and c hal l enge on i ts own. I t’s especi al l y tough
to m uster the ener gy, di sc i p li ne and per sever ance to m ar ket
your scr eenpl ay after you’ve spent m onths ( or year s) wr i ti ng
and pol i shi ng thi s opus! So you need to be i n i t for the l ong
haul .
Thi s i s not a si l l y or obvi ous questi on. I ’ve read too m any
scr i pts by wr i ter s who just don’t have the basi c wr i ti ng ski ll s
to m ake a stor y wor k on the page or the di sci pline to put i n
the year s of wor k i t takes to devel op a pr ofessi onal l evel of
cr aft.
I f you can onl y wri te wi th a par tner or i n i deal cir cum stances,
you’r e not a r eal wr i ter.
So, wi th al l that sai d, i f you’r e sti l l r eadi ng and sti l l consi der
your sel f a r eal wr i ter ( what hubr i s hath ye!) , then her e are
som e thoughts on m ar keti ng. Keep i n m i nd these ar e just
suggesti ons, not l egal advi c e; I ’m not a l awyer , m anager or
agent, so use i t however you wi l l .
219
The studi os ar e doi ng just fi ne. They woul dn't make these
m ovi es i f they di dn't tur n a pr ofi t . They'r e m aking bi l li ons.
I t's your job to c onvi nc e them that they do. I t’s your job to
fi nd the one dec i si on -m aker who wil l not onl y l isten but wi l l
tr ul y feel your pi tc h.
STATUS
I f you'r e star ti ng fr om sc r atc h, not knowi ng anyone i n the
i ndustr y, then star t wi th c ontac ts at your sam e status: your
fel l ow scr eenwr i ter s. Star t a wri ter 's gr oup i n your
hom etown, joi n gr oups and message boar ds onl i ne and swap
m ater i al . Agai n, you need to gi ve som ethi ng to get
som ethi ng. You c an't si t bac k, be passi ve, and expect peopl e
to hel p you. Wi th fel l ow wr i ter s, the way to bui ld
r el ati onshi ps i s to gi ve them notes. They wi l l r etur n notes i n
ki nd. Keep swappi ng notes wi th m or e and m or e wr i ter s and
you wi l l fi nd one s wi th si m il ar i nter ests, genr es of choi ce,
and goal s. I f you c ome ac r oss a l az y, undi sci pl i ned, or poor
wr i ter , then m ove on to the next one.
Attend festi val s and c onfer enc es, enter contests, post on
m essage boar ds, hang out i n c r eati ve center s and soon you'l l
have a networ k of har d -wor ki ng up -and-com i ng
scr eenwr i ter s wi th whi c h to shar e i nform ati on, contacts,
notes and suppor t. Fr om ther e, wor k your way up i n status.
221
I 'm not tell i ng you to be c ome a stal ker. I ’m just str essi ng
that you need to be dogged i n your deter m i nation. I n fact, I
suggest you fol l ow thi s Car di nal Rul e.. .
222
Rem em ber , ever y devel opment pr ofessi onal not onl y wants
to pr oduce a box -offi ce h i t but they al so have thei r passi on
pr ojects that they hope to m ake som eday to validate thei r
vi si on and ar ti sti c sensi bi l i ti es ( and m aybe pi ck up an Oscar
or two, the ul tim ate ego str oke). I f you tr eat them li ke a
fi l mm aker that onl y m akes q u al i ty fi lm s a nd tel ls i mp o rta n t
stor i es, they wi l l l ove to hear i t. Most of them , not al l , ar e
ser i ous m ovi e fans who fol l ow their favori te director s and do
actual l y want to m ake a cl assi c fi lm som eday, not just G . I .
Jo e 3: Th e Rev eng e .
And never , ever pr edi c t box -offic e per for m ance, e. g. , “ Thi s
fi l m i s sur e to gr oss at l east $150 m i l l i on and spawn two
sequel s. I n fac t, I have outl i nes for sequel s al r eady, whi ch I
can em ail you at any ti m e, just ask! ” Thes e peopl e sound l i ke
nutcases. Thi s br i ngs up a good poi nt:
DO YOUR RESEARCH
The m or e you networ k and read the tr ades , the easi er i t wi l l
be to tal k i n “ i ndustr y -speak” so you sound l i ke you know
what you’r e doi ng ( even i f you don’t) . You want to fi nd out
those cur r ent, spec i fi c ter m s and exam pl es that fol ks i n town
ar e usi ng i n thei r di sc ussi ons. For exam pl e, there’s usual l y a
few hot “ subgenr es,” spec i fi c ways of cl assi fyi ng m ovi es ,
whi ch ever yone’s buz zi ng about .
224
E l evated horr or
Ther e's conventi onal wi sdom you shoul d foll ow, but whi ch
can be br oken i f you del i ver a gr eat scr i pt. But be pr epar ed
to accept that your fi r st attem pt i s not goi ng to be that
gr eat.
I sti l l suggest that you show your fir st scr i pt to other s and
that you r ewr i te i t a c oupl e tim es bec ause you wi l l l ear n a
l ot fr om thi s pr oc ess, but I don't thi nk you should go i nto i t
expecti ng for i t to be your br eakthr ough scr i pt that wi l l get
you an opti on, a r ep, som e m eeti ngs or a sal e. I t i s your
cr ash cour se i nto the c r aft and the di sci pli ne.
Wr i ter s wr i te. They don't just wr i te one scr i pt. They keep
wri ti n g . Not just to advanc e a c ar eer , but b ec ause they l ove
i t and ther e's an annoyi ng l i ttl e voi c e i nsi de them that won't
stop whi sper i ng. They have to wr i te.
I f you ar e a ser i ous wri ter , then you ar e i n i t for the l ong
haul .
The m edi a l oves to hai l the “ fir st ti m e wr i ter ” who just m ade
the bi g sal e, but ther e's no way that a wr i ter who sel l s a
scr i pt di dn't spend year s l ear n i ng and pr acti ci ng thei r cr aft.
Unl ess, per haps , they ar e r el ated to a bi g shot in the
i ndustr y. Ther e's a l ot of nepoti sm i n thi s busi ness, but
ther e's al so l i m i tless oppor tuni ti es for new voi ces because
thi s tr ul y i s a busi ness wi th no har d and fast r ules.
Ther e ar e accepted gui del i nes and pr acti ces, and even
though ther e ar e pl enty of exam pl es of these bei ng br oken, I
sti l l suggest you adher e to them . The fir st thi ng you can do
i s study and l ear n to util i z e the str uc tur e and methods
detai l ed i n thi s book.
As for your wri ti ng pr oc ess and l ong -term pl an, I suggest you
tar get the goal of wri ti ng two spec s a year and that you
devel op your cr aft and wr i ti ng m ethod so that, once you
have your Ful l Stor y Map and sc ene l i st pol i shed, you can
wr i te a fi r st dr aft i n two to thr ee m onths or l ess. On your
fi r st pass, the ol d m axi m hol ds tr ue: Don't get i t r i ght, just
WRI TE I T. I n other wor ds, power thr ough i t unti l the end.
Don't tr y to get i t per fec t as you wri te ; you’l l have pl enty of
ti m e to hone i t i n l ater dr afts . Wr i ti ng i s r ewri ting, as they
say.
CONCLUSION
I want you to know that I appl aud your cour age in tackl i ng
thi s chal l engi ng c r eati ve en deavor and I hope you fi nd m y
m ethods and advi c e to be hel pful to your cr aft. If you’r e
i nter ested i n lear ni ng m or e about Stor y Maps, wor ki ng wi th
m e, or you just want to say hi , please do not hesi tate to
shoot m e an em ai l vi a m y websi te at
www. actfour sc r e enpl ays. c om ( and ask about sp ec ial o ffers
an d d isco un t s for m y book r eader s on m y ser vices, cl asses
and publ i cati ons ) .
231
I encour age you to study the Ful l Stor y Maps that fol l ow and
thei r sour ce fi lm s and to m ap your own favor i te m ovi es. I
guar antee that you wi ll advanc e your under standi ng of thi s
exci ti ng cr aft.
Go od Lu c k and H a pp y Writ in g!
Dan Cal vi si
232
APPENDIX:
SAMPLE STORY MAPS
233
LOGLINE
A group of friends with no memory of their sordid bachelor party must
piece together the events of the night to find the missing groom before the
wedding the next day.
235
STORY ENGINES
ACT 1: The guys go to Las Vegas and kick off the night with a toast.
ACT 2A: The guys follow their initial clues to find Doug.
ACT 2B: The guys must return Mike Tyson's tiger and bring Mr. Chao his
money to get back Doug.
ACT 3: The wedding goes off well and Stu dumps Melissa.
5 – Alan tells Doug he will never tell anyone what happens in Vegas.
6 – Doug promises his future father-in-law (Jeffrey Tambor) that he's the
only one that will drive his car.
6 – Meet Phil, junior high school teacher. He pockets the kids' field trip
money for his Vegas fund.
7 – STU lies to his controlling bitch girlfriend MELISSA that the guys are
going to Napa for a wine-tasting trip.
9-10 – INCITING INCIDENT: The guys start their journey by driving on the
highway to Vegas. Alan almost gets them hit by a truck! The problems have
already begun.
236
16 – They enter their huge suite (which Phil forced Stu to rent after
reminding him that Melissa cheated on him with a bartender on a cruise).
17 – Stu shows them the ring he'll propose to Melissa with – it was his
grandma's ring she kept since the holocaust. Phil warns Stu not to marry
her.
23 – The next morning – the suite has been trashed. The guys wake up to
find a chicken, a tiger, and Stu has a missing tooth. They don't remember
anything.
27 – END OF ACT ONE TURN (EXTERNAL): Doug is missing! His cell phone
has been left behind.
28 – END OF ACT ONE TURN (INTERNAL): There's a baby in the closet! (This
will lead Stu to his love interest)
ACT TWO-A
32 – Doug's mattress was thrown out the window of the hotel.
34 – They talk to the Doctor at the hospital who treated Phil last night. Phil
had Rufalin in his system, which explains the memory loss. They must have
all been drugged.
38 – At the Best Little Chapel, they look at Stu's wedding photos to a woman
who goes by the name “Jade.”
them, asking “Where is he?” They assume they are also looking for Doug.
The guys barely escape in the cop car.
42 – They find JADE, the stripper that Stu married. They give her back her
baby. She doesn't know where Doug went.
50 – Cops use the guys as test subjects for tasers and stun guns in a class
with kids. Stu gets shot in the neck, Phil in the nuts and Alan in the face.
55 – MIDPOINT: A naked Asian guy jumps out of the trunk, hits them all
with a crowbar and runs off! Alan admits he put a drug in their drinks last
night. He thought it was Ecstasy but it turned out to be rufi's. They hit
bottom.
ACT TWO-B
58 – Mike Tyson is in their hotel suite. He came to get his tiger. The guys
must return it.
65-67 – Mike Tyson shows them their antics on his security cams; they know
Doug was alive as of 3:30 am so they are once again optimistic.
70-72 – CLOCK: MR. CHAO, the formerly naked guy and the head of the
Asian gang, gives them until dawn the next day to return the $80k of poker
chips they stole from him or he will kill Doug, who is hooded and gagged in
the backseat of his car!
79 – They make trade with gangsters in desert, the money for the hostage,
but he's not their Doug; it's Doug the drug dealer who sold Alan the pills.
83 – Alan figures it out, tackles Phil before he can tell Tracy they lost Doug.
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84 – TURN (External): They find Doug on the roof of the hotel, sunburned
but still alive!
85 – All the flights are booked, they need to drive back to make the
wedding.
86 – TURN (Internal): Jade gives Stu his ring back. Stu asks her out on a date
for next weekend.
88 – DECISION: They leave for L.A. Phil drives like a maniac. Doug tells them
he found Mr. Chao's $80k in poker chips! They get a delivery of tuxes on the
highway and change clothes on the side of the road.
ACT THREE
91 – TRUE PT. OF NO RETURN: Just as they are to be married, Doug vows to
never put Tracy through this again and she forgives him.
92 – Phil reunites with his wife and kid, showing he's a good guy, after all.
95 – CLIMAX (EXTERNAL): Alan found Stu's camera with pictures. They all
agree to watch them once and then delete them, sealing their secret
forever.
98 – END
239
LOGLINE
A washed-up pro wrestler pursues a rematch bout to win back his fame but
it could cost him his girlfriend, his daughter and his life.
240
STORY ENGINES
Act 1: Randy struggles just to pay his rent by competing in brutal wrestling
matches.
Act 2A: Randy suffers a heart attack and is forced to change his ways. He
falls for a stripper (Cassidy) who encourages him to reconcile with his
daughter.
Act 2B: Randy attempts to turn his life around but can't stop his destructive
ways and he decides to wrestle in the big rematch with the Ayatollah.
Act 3: Randy rejects all for the glory of the wrestling ring, going to his
certain death.
ACT ONE
1 – OPENING IMAGES: A glory days collage of Randy "The Ram" Robinson's
career over Quiet Riot's "Metal Health."
5 – INCITING INCIDENT: Randy arrives at his trailer to find it's locked: rent's
not paid, so he must sleep in his van.
9 - At the grocery store, Randy asks his condescending boss for more hours.
13 – Wrestling match – Randy slices his forehead with a hidden razor blade
for dramatic effect. Bloody, he wins the match.
angry at first, but gives Randy a lap dance. She listens to his stories, gives
affection, but there's a distance…after all, she's a stripper.
24 – Randy buys HGH from a pusher at the gym, injects and works out. Gets
hair dyed, tans -- costly maintenance.
ACT TWO-A
35-36 FIRST TRIAL/FIRST CASUALTY: Randy suffers a heart attack and
wakes up in a hospital. Doctor instructs him to stop using drugs and, most
importantly, give up wrestling: he could die.
40 – Randy pays his rent and his landlord unlocks the trailer.
45 – COMBAT: Randy asks Cassidy out. She says no, but she talks to him and
encourages him to see his daughter.
50 – Randy finds his daughter, Stephanie. He tells her about his heart attack
and she rejects him.
56 – Randy asks the boss for more work; gets a job at the deli counter.
58 – Cassidy allows Randy to call her by her real name (Pam) and helps him
pick out a coat for his daughter. After he asks her out for a beer, she tells
him she has a child and Randy gives her a gift: a Randy The Ram action
figure.
ACT TWO-B
63 – Randy works his new job at the deli counter and his name-tag reads
"Robin" -- his birth-name (he's decided to be himself, not play a role).
77 – Randy goes to strip club and gives Cassidy a thank you card. He wants a
relationship, but Cassidy, unable to separate him from a customer, rejects
the idea. Randy gets upset, offends her and leaves.
80-83 – Randy parties with his fellow wrestlers, does coke and has sex with
a girl at a bar. He misses the date with his daughter.
85 – END OF ACT TWO TURN: Randy goes to Stephanie's house and she
kicks him out of her life for good -- she can't deal with the pain.
89-90 – DECISION: Randy quits his supermarket job, calls the promoter and
agrees to do the Ayatollah rematch.
ACT THREE
91 – Montage of Randy getting ready for the rematch.
93 – Cassidy breaks up with Randy. Randy acts like it doesn't faze him and
invites her to the Ayatollah rematch.
103-105 – CLIMAX: Randy feels pain in his chest, but continues. The
Ayatollah recognizes it and goes down, but Randy won't pin him. The crowd
chants "Ram Jam," Randy looks to the wings and finds Cassidy gone. Randy
climbs on the ropes...leaps...and we CUT TO BLACK.
243
CENTRAL DRAMATIC QUESTION: Can Bruce Wayne retire Batman and let
Harvey Dent clean up Gotham?
ENDING: Bruce Wayne decides to let Batman take the fall for Harvey Dent’s
murders to maintain Dent as a hero and save Gotham City.
244
ARC: Bruce Wayne goes from believing he can end all crime in Gotham City
as its hero to sacrificing Batman’s good name to save Gotham City from
destruction.
LOGLINE
Bruce Wayne struggles to position Harvey Dent as Gotham’s white knight as
the Joker terrorizes the city, forcing Bruce to either reveal his identity or to
kill The Joker to preserve the peace in Gotham City.
STORY ENGINES
ACT 1: Bruce fights organized crime in Gotham City with the aid of District
Attorney Harvey Dent.
ACT 2A: Bruce puts away the mob, but must fight the new, more deadly
threat: The Joker. Bruce decides to turn himself in to protect innocent lives.
ACT 2B: Bruce’s use of force cannot stop the Joker, leading to Rachel’s death
and Harvey Dent becoming Two-Face.
ACT 3: Bruce must stop The Joker and Two-Face and make a final sacrifice to
preserve hope in the people of Gotham.
ACT ONE
1-5 – Opening sequence: a team of masked crooks robs a mob-owned bank.
A suicidal move. The “silent Robber” kills off the last member of the bank
heist crew.
13 – Alfred tries to get Bruce to accept his limits. Bruce replies “Batman has
no limits.” (Subtheme of Identity: Can Bruce live without Batman?)
23 - 25 – The Joker crashes the mob meeting, tells them he’s their only
chance at killing Batman. In exchange for him killing Batman, he wants half
of all their money. They put a bounty on his head.
27 – END OF ACT ONE TURN: Batman offers to bring Lao back from Hong
Kong so Dent can prosecute Lao and Maroni’s crew.
ACT TWO-A:
38 – FIRST TRIAL: Bruce extricates Lao and drops him off at the Gotham
police station. Rachel interrogates him; she and Dent come up with a plan to
prosecute the entire mob.
40 – Gordon arrests Maroni’s entire crew. They are all prosecuted by Dent.
42 – FIRST CASUALTY: The Joker’s first public murder: he has killed the
copycat Batman vigilante (seen earlier); The Joker releases a chilling video
clip to the media.
43 – Joker’s threat: Batman must reveal his identity or Joker will kill more
people. Bruce dismisses the notion.
47 –Gordon and his cops figure out that The Joker is targeting three victims:
Police Commissioner Loeb, the Judge and Harvey Dent.
48-49 – Harvey asks Rachel to marry him. She doesn’t have an answer yet.
Judge and Police Commissioner assassinated. Joker shows up at fundraiser.
67 – Dent goes over the line and tortures the henchman. Batman stops him.
Bruce decides to give up his identity, tells Harvey to hold a press
conference. Harvey objects.
247
69 – Rachel tells Bruce not to give in, but she will be with him if he goes
legit; they kiss.
70 – Bruce has Alfred burn all of Batman’s records. Alfred tells him not to
give up his identity, but he respects Bruce’s decision.
72 – MIDPOINT: Bruce is about to give himself in when Harvey steps in, says
he’s Batman. Harvey is arrested.
73 – MIDPOINT (Internal): Rachel gives Alfred a letter for Bruce for “when
the time is right.”
ACT TWO-B:
78 – Batman saves Harvey and chases The Joker on the BATPOD, his new
motorcycle that ejects from the Tumbler.
83 – Batman refuses to kill Joker, skids out. Gordon, ALIVE, catches The
Joker.
89 [Standard length Turn*] – Joker has Dent and Rachel. Batman must
choose whom to save.
96 – Rachel is killed. Dent’s face is burned. The Joker escapes from jail with
Lau.
97 – Batman at the ashes. Alfred reads Rachel’s letter: she said she was
marrying Harvey Dent.
Key Dialogue: Rachel V.O.: “I believe the day will come when Gotham no
longer needs Batman, but I don’t think the day will come when Bruce
Wayne doesn’t need Batman.”
98 – Bruce believes that Rachel was going to wait for him. Alfred refrains
from giving him the letter.
100 – Dent wakes up in hospital, goes mad. His coin has become scuffed on
one side.
103 – The Joker burns his money, completes his take-over of the mob and
readies his final assault on Gotham.
104 – END OF ACT TWO TURN: Joker calls in to the TV show with an
ultimatum: kill Reese (guy blackmailing Bruce Wayne) in 60 minutes or Joker
will blow up a hospital.
ACT THREE:
107-112 – Joker has infiltrated the hospital in disguise, visits Harvey and
begins to recruit him. Harvey becomes Two-Face. Bruce saves Reese. Joker
blows up Gotham General hospital, escapes once again.
113 – Joker’s threat: get out by nightfall or the city will burn.
117 – TRUE POINT OF NO RETURN – Lucius tells Batman the sonar is wrong;
“This is too much power for one man. Spying on 30 million people is not
part of my job description.” Lucius will help him one more time, then resign.
Bruce accepts his resignation.
120 – Ferries taken over by Joker’s plan; rigged to explode. Joker has given
each boat the detonator for the other boat.
122 – The two boats start to fight over detonating the bombs.
124 – Batman ignores Gordon’s orders and charges into Joker’s location to
take out his men and save the civilian hostages they are holding.
129 – Batman finds Joker. Joker gets upper hand, beating him with a lead
pipe.
132 – Joker holds Batman at bay, promises him the boats will explode when
one person pushes the button. They don’t; the Joker’s test of human nature
in the face of fear has failed.
142 – CLIMAX (EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL): Bruce decides to take the fall for
Harvey’s killing spree. Dent will remain Gotham’s hero and Batman its
outlaw. Batman will let himself be hunted, once again a criminal, SAVING
GOTHAM CITY FROM DESTRUCTION.
143 - 144 – EPILOGUE: Gordon tells media about Harvey Dent being
Gotham’s knight, but we know he’s really talking about Batman. Alfred
burns the letter from Rachel. Lucius Fox resigns, destroys the sonar spy
system. Batman runs from police.
250
LOGLINE
A magazine columnist must get a guy to dump her in 10 days to meet a
deadline while he must get her to fall in love with him to win a lucrative ad
account.
251
STORY ENGINES
ACT 1: Andie must date a guy and scare him off while Ben must make a
woman fall for him. They meet and start their schemes, both in denial that
there is a spark.
ACT 2A: Andie does her best to make Ben run away, but he will not dump
her.
ACT 2B: Andie falls for Ben after meeting his family and she tries to get out
of writing the article but she’s stuck.
ACT 3: Andie and Ben find out the truth about their respective motivations
and have a big public fight. Andie writes the article as an apology and Ben
rushes after her and they make up.
ACT ONE
1 – OPENING: ANDIE ANDERSON is the “How To” girl at Composure
Magazine. She writes about situations that she lives, but what she REALLY
wants to do is write serious pieces like her story about bringing peace to
Tajikhistan. But this is not right for a fluffy women’s magazine. Andie has
two female coworkers who are her ALLIES.
5 – BEN needs to win the diamond account at his ad agency. He and his two
ALLIES, his co-worker buddies, must beat out the two Judy’s, who currently
have his boss’s eye.
12 – The Judy’s meet Andie and hear about her quest to drop a guy in 10
days.
20 – Ben picks up Andie -- both are enthusiastic to meet one another, for
their own secret and opposing reasons.
First Date – Andie tries to scare Ben and he’s trying to be romantic and
listen.
27 – END OF ACT ONE TURN: They KISS, and for a moment it seems like
both forget about their schemes. As the night ends, both think they have
the upper hand.
29 – DECISION: Andie’s scheme with the Knicks tickets works. Ben thinks it’s
his scheme.
ACT TWO-A
31 – Their second date, the Knicks game; Andie ruins the game for Ben.
55 – MIDPOINT: Andie shows Ben her Family Album: pics of their future
children she made with Photoshop. Ben’s mother calls Andie at his
apartment, Andie bonds with her. New throughline: Andie joining Ben’s
family.
ACT TWO-B
75 – DECLARATION OF WAR/ASSUMPTION OF POWER: The “Bullshit” card
game -- Andie fails at first but starts to beat Ben with the help of his family.
Family tells her she was the first person to beat Ben, and the first girl he
ever brought home.
80 – Andie expresses real feelings for Ben. His mom “really hugged” her,
she was touched.
82 – Andie and Ben make love. She has completely fallen for him.
86 – END OF ACT TWO TURN: Andie tries to get out of the article, but Lana
won’t let her off the hook. She has two days to finish it by deadline. She’s
stuck.
ACT THREE
92 – At the diamond party, Ben’s Boss gives him and his allies the diamond
account.
94 – Guys tell Andie about Ben’s bet and Lana tells Ben about Andie’s
article. They both know the truth.
95 – Andie causes a scene on stage, calls Ben up for a song. Both fight in
song.
100 – TRUE POINT OF NO RETURN: They break up. Andie lost Ben and
broke her heart.
102 – Andie quits her job when her boss won’t let her write about politics.
105 – Ben is given Andie’s article by his Ally; Andie wrote that she made the
biggest mistake of her life. (note: Andie’s climactic action is to write this
article, but this action is largely offscreen, which is a flaw in the film, IMHO.)
254
106 – Ben realizes he loves her – he must catch her before she leaves for
Wash, D.C. for a new job. Ben chases after her cab on his motorcycle.
108 – CLIMAX: Ben catches Andie on the Brooklyn Bridge. She thinks she’s
doing the right thing and it’s the only way she can be a true writer – he calls
“Bullshit!” He knows she’s only running away. They kiss.
110 – END.
255
On the job as a reader, one of the most glowing coverage reports I ever
gave was to Sam and Ivan Raimi’s “The Curse.” It was a perfect fit for my
employer at the time, but for reasons unknown to me, the script didn’t get
set up.
The film took years to get made and it was ultimately renamed “Drag Me To
Hell.” The result is a tight horror story that never stops moving forward with
cleverly plotted set pieces and escalating conflict until a bold, BIG ENDING.
Sure, there’s a lot of disgusting goo and shameless shock cuts, but, you have
to admit, it’s a lot of fun, right?
Note how the length is short so the signpost beats after the Midpoint fall
earlier than they would with a 110 page script.
LOGLINE
A meek loan officer has three days to escape a gypsy curse that will damn
her to hell.
STORY ENGINES
ACT 1: Christine tries to prove herself to her boss but she is cursed and
attacked by Mrs. Ganush.
ACT 2A: Christine fights against the Lamia’s attacks and struggles to rid
herself of the curse.
ACT 2B: Christine fails to win over Clay’s parents and the séance goes awry.
ACT 3: Christine must give the curse back to Mrs. Ganush but she makes an
error, sealing her fate.
ACT ONE
1-3 OPENING: Pasadena, 1969 – SHAUN SAN DENA, a young exorcist, fails
to protect a little boy from the curse of the Lamia. He is dragged into hell
and she vows, “We shall meet again.”
3-5 Creepy title sequence with woodcuts, we see book of spells, images of
possessions and demons. Rule: “3 days for the curse to develop.”
7 – Her boss, MR. JACKS, tells her the Asst. Mgr. position is between her and
STU, the new guy who’s “able to make the tough choices.”
8 – Christine visits CLAY DALTON, her boyfriend. She found him a 1929
“liberty” quarter for his coin collection; he puts it in a white envelope.
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13-16 – Christine rejects Mrs. Ganush, who begs on her knees, making a
scene in the bank. Mr. Jacks tells Chrstine she’s at the top of list for Asst.
Manager.
28 – END OF ACT ONE TURN: Rham Jas, psychic fortune teller, reads
Christine’s palm and tells her she was cursed. Clay tries to convince
Christine that Rham is a con artist.
30 – DECISION: Christine trusts that Clay is right and stays at home alone
that night with his kitten.
ACT TWO-A
33 – Christine is attacked by the ghost of the Lamia, knocked down, gets a
split lip! She keeps it a secret from Clay so he doesn’t think she’s crazy.
44 – Rham Jas explains she’s been cursed by the Lamia, the black goat. The
rules: after three days, the Lamia will come for the cursed button and take
her to hell. Christine can’t sacrifice an animal to ward off the curse as Rham
suggests.
50 – MIDPOINT: After another attack from the Lamia, even worse this time,
Christine kills Clay’s kitten! Thinks the curse is lifted.
ACT TWO-B
52 – Christine meets Clay’s wealthy parents; his MOTHER is a major bitch.
60 – WAR (External): Ram Jas tells Christine that her only hope is Shaun San
Dena, but it will cost $10,000. She has one day left before the Lamia comes
for her.
64 – Clay comes to her aid: he paid Ram Jas the money for the exorcism.
66 – Christine meets the older Shaun San Dena (from the opening
flashback), ready to get her revenge on the Lamia.
68 – Set piece: the séance. Shaun San Dena explains the rules: she will make
the Lamia possess her, Christine must put Dena’s hand on the goat and
MILOS will slay the goat.
75 –Lamia wreaks havoc, possesses Milos and almost kills Christine but she
evades him.
259
78 – END OF ACT TWO TURN: It’s not over. The Lamia is still alive –
Christine must give the curse to another by giving them the button; Rham
Jas puts it in a white envelope.
ACT THREE
80 – Christine and Clay driving; Clay’s papers fall on the floor of the car over
the envelope.
LOGLINE
An obsessive-compulsive, homophobic novelist must help his gay artist
neighbor in order to win over the single mother he secretly loves.
261
STORY ENGINES
ACT 1: Melvin's isolated world is challenged by his gay neighbor and his
sassy waitress.
ACT 2A: Melvin must take care of his neighbor's dog and get Carol back to
work. He must restore order to his once pristine world but events are
conspiring against him.
ACT 2B: Melvin must win Simon and Carol’s trust. They bond, leaving him
alone.
ACT 3: Melvin must commit to being more open, less selfish and to care for
Simon and Carol if he truly wants happiness.
ACT ONE
1 – OPENING: MELVIN UDALL stuffs his neighbor SIMON’S dog down the
trash chute. When Simon finds out it was Melvin, he tells him “Mr. Udall,
you don’t love anything.”
Central Dramatic Question: Can Melvin learn to love others?
22 – STRONG MOVEMENT FORWARD: Melvin asks Carol about her son, his
first gesture of interest in others.
262
27 – END OF ACT ONE TURN: After Simon is attacked, Frank leaves Simon's
dog Verdell with Melvin.
ACT TWO-A
35 – FIRST TRIAL / FIRST CASUALTY: The dog is taken away and Melvin is
devastated.
42 – Carol is not at work and Melvin gets kicked out of the restaurant by the
Manager.
Melvin pays for his doctor to treat Carol’s son. Carol is initially reluctant to
accept the help but her mother convinces her to take it.
66 – MIDPOINT (INTERNAL): Carol tells Melvin “I’m not going to sleep with
you, ever.”
ACT TWO-B
76 – DECLARATION OF WAR / ASSUMPTION OF POWER: Melvin agrees to
drive Simon to Baltimore, as a way to win over Carol.
79 – Melvin uses Carol’s guilt to get her to go on trip with him and Simon.
85 – END OF ACT TWO TURN (EXTERNAL): The three go on a road-trip.
87 – END OF ACT TWO TURN (INTERNAL): Simon tells the personal story of
his father kicking him out.
90 – DECISION: Melvin tells his own sob story to try to make a connection
with them; it fails. They bond, he’s left out, hitting bottom.
ACT THREE
92 – Carol asks Melvin out on a date.
263
104 – Melvin blows it by insulting her and admitting he wanted to use her;
she storms out.
107 – Simon sketches Carol, calls his parents and tells them he doesn’t need
their money and he wants to reconcile (Simon’s True Pt. of No Return).
121 – CLIMAX (EXTERNAL): Melvin lets Simon stay with him, and he turns
to Simon for help.
123 – Simon stands up to Melvin (his Climax). Tells Melvin to “go to her.”
125 – Melvin takes Simon’s advice and offers him his home to stay.
130 – CLIMAX (INTERNAL): Melvin appreciates and praises Carol. She finally
accepts him, warts and all. He grabs her (getting over his germaphobia) and
kisses her!
Cynical, thrilling, funny, satirical, ironic, the list of ways to describe this
masterpiece can go on. It delivers one of the great screen villains, Norma
Desmond, and one of the classic Film Noir protagonists, Joe Gillis. Notice
how Joe thinks he’s in control but the balance of power continues to shift in
Norma’s favor.
It’s dated at times, but its achievement remains the same: dark, economical
storytelling at its best.
LOGLINE
A desperate screenwriter gets seduced into the lavish home of a former
silent movie star and is made to cater to her whims at the cost of his soul.
STORY ENGINES
ACT 1: Joe strikes a deal with Norma Desmond out of desperation.
ACT 2A: Joe gets seduced by Norma into her lavish but delusional world.
ACT 2B: Joe slips out of the house to write with Betty and they kiss.
ACT 3: Joe tries to escape but is gunned down. Norma goes insane, finally
achieving what she believes is her comeback.
ACT ONE
0-1:30 Opening Titles Sequence: JOE GILLIS narrates as we see police cars
with sirens on. A murder has been reported; an old time star is involved. He
will tell us the facts of the story so you don't have to read about it in the
tabloids.
12 – Joe is ready to give up and move back to Dayton, Ohio, when he’s
summoned by the voice of a WOMAN, mistaking him for someone else. The
stoic butler, MAX, lets him in.
15 – Joe meets NORMA DESMOND, former silent movie star. She wants him
to bury her dead chimp in a white coffin with a satin lining.
16 – Joe: “You're Norma Desmond. You were in silent movies, you used to
be big.” Norma: “I am big. It's the pictures that got small.”
22 – Norma hires Joe to write it but he must stay the night to finish reading.
27 – END OF ACT ONE TURN: Joe wakes up in the morning to find all of his
belongings in the room, as if he were moving in.
28 – Norma has paid Joe’s back rent. He's pissed but she's got him over a
barrel; he needs the job.
29 – DECISION: He takes the job and starts writing in the mansion as Norma
hovers.
ACT TWO-A
32 – Time passes – they watch her movies on her private movie screen, play
cards with Buster Keaton and other silent movie stars. It’s like time stopped
in her mansion.
267
35-37 – Norma lavishes gifts upon Joe, like a tuxedo with tails for her
upcoming New Year's Eve party. He's becoming her pet.
38 – FIRST TRIAL: Joe is moved into the main house, into the room of
Norma’s former husbands.
39-40 – FIRST CASUALTY: Max points out there are no locks on the doors in
the house because Norma has attempted suicide in the past. He reveals that
he sends her fan letters, maintaining her fantasy that she is still a huge star.
43 – New Year's Eve party in the mansion; no other guests are coming; it’s
just them!
45 – COMBAT: Joe blows up, can't take it anymore; he has a life of his own!
She slaps him, runs to her room. He leaves.
52 – Joe calls Max; Norma cut her wrists! Joe rushes back to the mansion.
59-60 MIDPOINT (INTERNAL) – Joe runs into Artie and Betty at Schwab's
Pharmacy. Betty has got interest from Sheldrake in the script; he refuses to
collaborate.
ACT TWO-B
64 – After Norma gets a call from Paramount, they drive onto the lot to see
Cecil B. DeMille.
69 – Norma gets mobbed by crew members on the set, feeding her ego and
delusion.
268
70 – DeMille finds out that Paramount is only interested in renting her car.
He doesn't have the heart to tell her.
74 – DECLARATION OF WAR: Joe comes up with a script idea for Betty that
she loves, but he still refuses to write it with her. She and Artie are engaged
but he’s out of town on a shoot.
76 – Norma goes through a grueling beauty regimen to get ready for her
big-screen comeback that she’s convinced will be directed by DeMille.
79 –ASSUMPTION OF POWER: Joe slips out to write with Betty at her office
at night.
80-82 – Betty finds his cigarette case signed by Norma. He lies. They almost
kiss.
85 – Max warns Joe not to hurt Norma. Max reveals that he was a former
director who discovered her when she was 16, and also her first husband!
87 – END OF ACT TWO TURN (EXTERNAL): Norma finds Joe's script and
seethes with jealousy when she sees Betty Schaefer's name on the title
page!
89 – END OF ACT TWO TURN (INTERNAL): Betty tells Joe that Artie wants
her to get married right away. She's no longer in love with Artie because
she's in love with Joe.
ACT THREE
91 – Same night, Norma calls Betty to warn her about Joe.
92 – Joe grabs phone, tells Betty to come visit him at the house to discover
his secret.
98 – Betty asks him to leave with her; he refuses and she leaves, in tears.
269
99 – Joe packs to leave; he's going to start over back in Dayton, Ohio.
100 – TRUE POINT OF NO RETURN (External): Norma shows him her gun,
threatening suicide again.
101 – Joe tells her the truth about Paramount and Max’s phony fan letters.
102 – He tries to get her to wake up but she's lost her mind, babbling that
she's the greatest star in the world. She finally cracks, for good.
103 – CLIMAX: Norma shoots Joe three times. He falls in the pool.
104 – EPILOGUE: Back to Joe's narration, his body in the pool BOOKENDING
from the opening image – the cops arrive at the house.
107 – Norma, catatonic, walks out to see the press cameras. Max directs
Norma in a scene from Salome to get her to come downstairs.
109 – Norma, completely insane, moves toward the camera for her “Close-
up.”
110 – End
270
Acknowledg ments
Thank you to al l of the tal ented and suppor ti ve wr i ter s who have
been i n and out of The Wr i ter s’ Buil di ng over the year s.
Dear Scr eenwr i ter s, young and ol d, new and exper i enced,
l ocal and abr oad:
We wi ll always need g reat stori es
and great w rite rs to w rit e the m.
Go od Lu c k and H a pp y Writ in g!
Dani el P. Cal vi si