Lifeoftheunknown

Accepting Responsibility

Becoming an adult has a lot of demands and one of those demands is self-responsibility.

As an adult you are responsible for the decisions you make, your actions, and your well-being.

Dropping out of college, quitting my job, and giving up my social life at age nineteen was one of

the hardest decisions to make because I was struggling with my well-being, and I would always

question if I made the right decision. When I made this decision, I didn’t have a back-up plan,

and I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life, so I ended up isolating myself from

everyone and everything. Overcoming isolation would be one of the hardest challenges to deal

with. I was able to learn that taking self-responsibility is important in overcoming isolation.

During this period in my life, I didn’t want to deal with any responsibilities because I

suffered from depression. Depression is a mental health disorder that causes severe symptoms

that affect the way that a person feels, thinks, and handles daily activities such as showering,

sleeping habits, and work activities. Caring for myself became very difficult. For example, one

of the most difficult things I had trouble doing was maintaining good personal hygiene. I

wouldn’t shower for days, the longest I went without showering was a month. I only showered

because my little brother told me to shower.

Since I didn’t have any responsibilities, I used to spend the majority of my life sleeping. I

would sleep all day; Monday to Sunday. I would do this intentionally, and not for fun. I would

try and stay awake only for a few minutes, and then I would take sleeping pills, so to go back to

sleep. I felt that the more time I spent asleep, the less I would have to think about taking

self-responsibility. I hated the idea of having to go back to college, finding a job, or even seeking

help for my depression. I just wanted to be by myself because I was in such a negative state of
mind that I felt that my negatively would get to other people, and that no one would understand

what I was going through. I isolated myself by deleting my social media, and I lost contact with

many good friends. When my friends would call my house, I would ignore their calls or I would

tell my little brother to tell them that I wasn’t home. When my friends would come knock on my

door, I would hide until they left. My little brother had to drop out of High School to take care of

me and become my caretaker. He would always cook for me anything that I wanted. I liked when

he would make me scrambled eggs with american cheese, and strawberries with cream cheese.

The smell of his cooking would always make my day, and he cooked pretty good for being

fifteen years old.

After a long period of isolation, I got tired of being alone and I realized that I needed

help, so I decided to seek treatment. After 6 months of isolation, my brother drove me to my

Primary Care Doctor, and I told my doctor how I was feeling: sad, hopeless, etc. He told me to

go to the emergency room, so my brother drove me to the emergency room. Being in the

emergency room for the first time in my life was scary because I didn’t know what to expect.

There I met a psychologist that told me that I had depression, and I had two options. Option one

was to go to a psychiatric hospital and option two was to go to an outpatient mental health

facility. The psychologist said that if I went to an outpatient mental health facility it would be my

responsibility to sign up for services. I went with option two, and the next day I went to an

outpatient mental health facility near my house.

I learned that feeling better about myself was ultimately up to me and no one else. It was

my decision and my responsibility to take action and make the necessary changes in my life.

Seeking treatment was the most important decision I’ve made because once I was on medication
and psychotherapy, I felt better as a person. My mood became better, I was feeling more happy

with the anti-depressants the doctor prescribed me. Therapy helped me a lot because my therapist

taught me how to integrated back into the community by helping me apply for a job, and

reaching out to friends again. I was able to get a job at a recycling facility as a sorter, and I

reconnected with close friends, we made lots of plans after reconnecting, and one of those plans

was going to the movie theater every Thursday. I also learned to accept and cope with my

depression by learning about myself in therapy, and talking about my illness with close friends.

Being responsible made my life better because I got to make my own decisions whether

they were right or wrong. I eventually learned from my bad decisions and took full responsibility

for my behavior and made the necessary changes that I need to make. I got my life together by

seeking treatment after a long period of isolation. I also reconnected with old friends, and made

plans to socialize again. I was able to get a job at a recycling facility, so I can buy my own stuff

and not rely on my family. I learned that I shouldn’t have taken advantage of my support system.

My brother dropped out of high school and gave up his social life to take care of me and that

wasn’t fair.