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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for
His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and
whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we
bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal
of His Messengers.

Anger Management
(by Ibrahim B. Syed, Ph. D.)

Everyday some people are asked to seek counseling to control anger.

Schools, corporations and organizations have peer mediation sessions and
seminars with the intent to resolve conflicts. These therapy sessions
facilitate people from harming themselves, as well as others. In some
people pride, arrogance and stubbornness and denial prevent them from
seeking this counseling.

Anger is an emotion, which is in creation. If it is used correctly then the

results will be positive. On the other hand if it is used incorrectly, then the
outcome would be negative or detrimental. Anger is an enemy within us,
which should be defeated.

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Everyday everyone experiences problems that can either strengthen or
weaken us. Many things cause one to become angry. It is our responsibility
to recognize and properly use anger in positive ways to benefit us.

Detrimental effects of Anger

Causes of anger are stress, economic pressures of life, not meeting

emotional needs in a healthy way and disappointments in life. Causes of
anger can be of our own choosing or can be linked to others or
circumstances. Past mistakes should be used as a learning experience to
build from and not an experience that restricts, limits and impedes
productivity.

For their current state of mind and conditions, people look for scapegoats
and blame their parents, teachers, counselors, associates or friends, former
sexual partners or spouse(s), etc. Various forms of exploitations,
discriminations, injustices and abuses may have victimized them. These
negative experiences result in people acquiring quick tempers and will lash
out at anyone in their immediate environment. Many times innocent
children, teens and adults are harmed in the process. Regrettably, these
unresolved conflicts could lead to emotional and mental damage, physical
injuries and homicides. Now and then these terrible consequences continue
via resentment, revenge and retaliation, a vicious cycle of human misery,
suffering and self-destruction.

As believers we must seek advice and protection from Allah (SWT)

our Creator.

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 "If a suggestion from Satan assails thy (mind) seek refuge with the
Creator, for He heareth and knoweth (all things)."

(Al – Quran)

" Those who have regard for the Creator, when a thought of evil
from Satan assaults them, bring The Creator to remembrance, when
lo! They see (aright)!" ……

(Al – Quran)

All sorts of thoughts or suggestions enter the human mind all the time.
Therefore one should shield one's souls with prayer, gratitude and good
deeds to the best of one's ability. These are the fundamentals to receiving
The Creator's Grace and Mercy. If one is not conscious of one's negative
influences that cause transgression into outburst of rage, one would be
surprised and disappointed and regretful of such disrespectful behavior.

One has to constantly struggle to relieve oneself from stressful situations

and conditions. When anger is properly understood then its positive use
should be directed toward correcting, improving and eliminating undesirable
conditions. Individually and collectively, people should channel anger and
desires to become active to change, improve and eliminate defects,
deficiency, immorality, exploitation, injustice, corruption, incompetence,
irresponsibility, dysfunctional and non-productive behaviors, institutions and
conditions that cause human misery, confusion and suffering.

With these changes, improvements and eradication of social, economical,

political, educational, cultural and spiritual defects and diseases, we should
always use human intelligence and moral excellence as our base.

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 Anger Management According to Qur'an and Sunnah

This is the most important rule of behavior for a Muslim.

“…those who control their anger and are forgiving toward mankind;
Allah loves those who do good.”

Surah Al-Imran 3:134

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) is noted by Bukhari in his

Sahih as saying,

“Don’t be angry.”

And he repeated this several times.

There is a harm in anger or being angry. It is a trap from Shaitan.

Abu Dawud in his Sunan noted that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam) stated,

“Anger comes from the Shaitan. The Shaitan was created from fire
and fire is extinguished only with water. So when one of you
becomes angry, he should perform wudu.”

We should think first, and not lose control. It is very easy for us to let go of
our tempers and blow into a rage. However, we should try to remain as calm
as possible.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) advises us,

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 “When one of you is angry while standing, let him sit down and if
his anger goes away that is good; otherwise let him lie down.”

(Abu Dawud)

A strong person controls his/her anger.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) stated:

“Who is strong? He who controls himself when angry.”

(Muslim)

It is said that The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) mentioned

anger, saying,

“Some are swift to anger and swift to cool down, the one
characteristic making up for the other; some are slow to anger and
slow to cool down, the one characteristic making up for the other;
the best of you are those that are slow to anger and swift to cool
down and the worst of you are those who are swift to anger and
slow to cool down.” He continued, “Beware of anger, for it is a live
coal on the heart of the descendant of Adam. Do you not notice the
swelling of the veins of his neck and the redness of his eyes? So
anyone who experiences anything of that nature, he should lie down
and cleave to the earth.”

(Al-Tirmidhi)

Allah’s messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) also said,

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“No one has swallowed back anything more excellent in the sight of
Allah, Who is Great and Glorious, than anger he restrains, seeking to
please Allah Most High.”

(Al-Tirmidhi)

Bukhari in his Sahih relates to us that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi

wa sallam) was present when a man became angry to the point that
his jugular vein was swelled. He(sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) told this
man, I know a word the saying of which relaxes he who says it,
“Seek refuge in Allah from Shaitan.”

Anger Management in Hadith

Don’t get angry-The beginning

According to Abu Hurayrah a man asked the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa

sallam) for an advice. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) replied: don’t
get angry. And he said it three times.

Abdullah Ibn Umar said that he asked the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam): What protects me from the anger of Allah? The Prophet (sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam) replied: don’t get angry.

Behavior of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)

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 1.His anger was never to defend himself but to ensure the dominance of
Allah’s Word: Protection of boundaries.

2.His character was the Quran.

3.He did not confront people with what he dislikes, but the anger shows
on his face.

4.A man told the prophet: his judgment was not made for the sake of
Allah (SWT). The Prophet became angry as shown by the changes on
his face. Then the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “ Prophet
Moses was hurt by his people to a larger degree and he was patient.”

Meaning of “ Don’t get angry”

1. Learn to prevent anger before it happens by acquiring the righteous

characteristics of generosity, shyness, forgiveness and ease of interaction
with others. When these qualities are internalized the person will be in a
good position to manage / control his anger when it fires.

2. If angry do jihad to control your self by not hurting others until the force
of anger declines. An example was given by Prophet Moses who
restrained anger until anger left him quickly as if nothing happened

Impact of anger on Decision-making

1.“ When angry don’t judge between two people”

2.“ When angry don’t divorce” for anger paralyzes thinking.

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 Degrees of Anger

1.Too strong : extremely dangerous because it hampers perception,

thinking and actions. (Undesirable).

2.Too weak : persons who never get angry cannot fix their own
weaknesses. They cannot improve because they don’t have enough
anger that makes them counter oppose the force of their desires.
(Undesirable)

3.Moderate : The best position is the moderate position between the two
extremes. (Desirable)

Prevention

1. Ibn Abbas narrates: Oh son of Khattab I swear by Allah that you don’t
give us enough and you don’t judge among us justly. Omar(r.a)
became angry to the degree of thinking to hurt him. One of the
Sahabah (Al Hur bin Kays) reminded Omar(r.a) with Quran 7:199.

“ Take what is given freely (be easy in dealing with them and
avoid causing them difficulty) enjoin what is good, and turn
away from the ignorant”

This man is one of the ignorant. Omar responded positively; he

managed his anger and did not hurt the man.

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 2. “ And those who avoid the major sins and immoralities and
when they are angry they forgive

(Quran 42:47)

3. Wing lowering

“ And lower your wing (show kindness) to the believers

(Quran 15:58)

“ (They are) humble toward the believers”

(Quran 5:54)

4. Anger is the sign of weakness not a sign of strength. The Prophet

(sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,

“ Strong is not the one who wrestles others to the ground, but
strong is the one who controls himself when angry”

5. “ I am warning you of Zun which is thinking badly of others; Zun is

the most unreliable form of interaction, don’t follow each others
shortcomings; don’t spy on each other; don’t compete with each
other; don’t envy each other; don’t hate one another; don’t plan evil
to each other. And be true servants of Allah – brothers in faith”

6. “ And hasten to forgiveness from your lord and a garden

(Paradise) as wide as the heavens and the earth prepared for
the righteous”

(Quran 3:133)

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 “ Who spend (in the cause of Allah) during ease and hardship
and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah
loves the doers of good”

(Quran 3:134)

“ And pardon them and overlook (their misdeeds). Indeed

Allah loves the doers of good”

(Quran 5:13)

7. Bad neighbors do not pardon / forgive.

Hadith “ Three awakir (evil ones)"

· A leader who does not thank you if you do well and

who does not forgive you if you make a mistake,

· And bad neighbors who buries your good deeds and

broadcast your bad ones,

· And a woman who hurts you in your presence and

cheats on you in your absence.

8. Mix with people and tolerate their hurts with patience.

Hadith

“ The believer who mixes with people and tolerate their hurts
is better than the believer who doesn’t mix and does not
tolerate”

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 9. Al Hassan said, “ If a person is able to control himself against the
following four forces, Allah (SWT) will protect him from Shaytan,

• Wishes / wants: trying always including haram

• Fear: attempts to self defend in any way including the
haram ways
• Desire: examples are Zina (fornication and adultery) and
stealing.
• Anger: blood boiling to protect and / or take revenge.

Anger is expressed in aggressive words (hurting others) or aggressive

deeds (killing, beating and other types of aggressive overt behavior)

Treatment

1.Seek refuge in Allah (swt),

“ And if an evil suggestion comes to you from Shaytan, then

seek refugee in Allah, He is hearing and knowing

(Quran 7: 200)

2.Do wudu (washing specific parts of your body with water) according to the
tradition of the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam).

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,

“ Anger from Shaytan; Shaytan from fire; fire is put out by

water; so when angry do wudu”

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3.Change body positions

“ If one of you gets angry while standing he should sit. If he is

still angry he should lie down”

To say this hadith in other words:

·Lying down is better than sitting

·Sitting is better than standing

·Standing is better than walking

·Walking is better than Sa’y, which is somewhat between walking

and running.

4.Cheek to the ground.

Since anger is a product of pride, the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)

said,

“ whoever gets a little angry should stick his cheek to the

ground”

5.Psycho-physical approach

Diverting attention away from the cause of anger and participate in

strenuous physical activity aiming at letting steam out and relaxing of
muscles.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) used this approach to manage the
tension of the Sahabah on their way back from the battle of Bani Al Mustalq.
Abdullah bin Obay – the head of the hypocrites said, “ If we return to Al

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Madinah, the more honored (for power) will surely expel there from the
more humble” (Quran 63:8)

The Sahabah became angry and the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)
ordered them to continue marching for two days. When the Sahabah took
rest, they slept and forgot the anger.

6. When angry be quiet, don’t speak, be silent.

“ Teach, simplify, don’t complicate and if you get angry be silent”.

7. Positive interpretation of events.

In the story of a tribe called “ Nose of the She – Camel” Hadrat Omar (RA)
changed events by reinterpreting the story from negative to positive.

This was extracted from the Website

http://www.irfi.org/
And re-arranged.

MAY ALL MIGHTY ALLAH FORGIVE ALL OUR SINS AND ALLOW US TO ENTER THE
PARADISE.INSHA ALLAH.

PLEASE REMEMBER ME & MY FAMILY IN YOUR DUAS & PRAYERS.

(Your Brother-Jahabar Sathick)

“Ramadan Kareem”

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