SUMMATION PAPER 1

Summation Paper

In the book by Elizabeth Goldsmith, it talks about a managing family and work life.

Everyone has crazy lives that we all have to manage in one way or another. We all have

expectations we have to meet, whether that be with work, or with family around holidays or

special occasions, it can be hard to know how to juggle all of those demands and expectations

that are set by both work and family. Especially when they are conflicting. Goldsmith talked

about “involvement balance. . . [with] stress, absenteeism, turnover or retirement intentions”

(Goldsmith, 2013). She goes on to say “work and family conflict may arise when a person is torn

between work and family demands, and frustration and dissatisfaction develop. It may also arise

when spouses, co-workers, employers, and children differ over how work and family time should

be divided (Goldsmith, 2013). When we have people telling us which way to go, how do we

know for ourselves what we want?

In the book by Steven Covey, he talks about building an emotional bank account.

Everyone has these emotional bank accounts that we give and take. They apply to the people we

create relationships with no matter who that may be with, employers, or family members. We

can think of this emotional bank account as an actual account at a bank. You put in deposits

when you do things like forgiving, setting clear expectations, keeping your promises, showing

kindness and respect, and you first seek to understand the other people just to name a few. Your

account can grow exponentially as long as these things are being done in the relationship, but

they can be quickly withdrawn when things like being disloyal or arrogant, not giving any

feedback, holding grudges, showing disrespect, unkindness, and assuming you understand their

point of view. These types of these can not only take away from your emotional bank account,

but can also “break down and lessen trust in relationships” (Covey, 2006).
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In chapter 7 of Goldsmith, she talks all about the importance of communication.

Goldsmith talked about how with communication, it can be easy to have interference, or to

“distort or interrupt meanings” (Goldsmith, 2013). With that we need to know what we want out

of what we are communicating. We need to go along with Covey’s habit number 2 as we begin

with the end in mind with how we communicate with certain things. Sometimes, the way we say

something can totally come off completely wrong from how we meant it, and that is something

we need to think about so we know how we want the outcome to be resolved. Goldsmith talked

about this very thing by saying how “in transforming information. . . the average person spends

approximately 70 percent of his or her waking hours in some form of communication – writing,

reading, speaking, and listening” (Goldsmith, 2013). There are so many ways that we

communicate other than just the verbal and looking at someone face to face talking with them.

We look at their cues too to see what they are saying with their body language, what they are

saying with their eyes, and too taking that time to listen.

Covey talks about another important principal relating to communication and figuring a

win-win situation. Now this is something that is completely new for me personally and I know I

will personally have to practice being raised in a competitive mindset growing up and still to this

day. However, I think with communication, it takes quite a bit of understanding on the other

persons side to see their point of view and where they are coming from. In habit 4, Covey talks

about how important it is to have desired results or end outcome in mind, what are the rules or

guidelines to follow, resources you have to work with, accountability with how you will measure

to see if things are going well, and figuring out the consequences of achieving your end outcome

(Covey, 2006).
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Later in the Goldsmith chapter, she goes on to talk about listening. I know a lot of the

time when I listen to people, I come with the mindset of they want something from me like

advice. So I will listen with the intent of giving them advice, however, when I am doing that, I

am not really listening to what I am saying because I am thinking of what I will say instead.

Rather, it is important to maybe sometimes ask what they want when they come talk to us about

something. Maybe they do want advice, and maybe they just want to vent and don’t want us to

fix their problems. It is better for us and we can create better relationships when we listen

empathically, or trying to understand their feelings or validating them more rather than coming

from our view point and giving advice all the time.

In habit 5, Covey talks about listening empathically as well. He says, “empathic listening

is reflecting what a person feels and says in your own words. It is not to advise, counsel, reply,

refute, solve, fix, change, judge, agree, disagree, question, analyze, or figure out” (Covey, 2006).

We all have a desire to be understood, and when we take the time to sit and listen to what people

have to say, then we can begin to practice listening empathically and see things from their

perspective.
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Works Cited
Covey, S. R. (2003). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People workbook. New York: Simon &
Schuster.
Goldsmith, E. B. (2013). Resource Management for individuals and families. Boston: Pearson.