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WARNING
While several of these routines are suitable for children, many are NOT. There
are routines for everyone. Everything from great effects and gags for kid shows
that are magical and funny...to shooting a party popper out of your ass and
dialing a cell phone with your dick.
After each gag I'll try to point out why its funny and
what makes the gag work.
Table of Contents
COMEDY FOR EVERYONE
Big Hand Gag
The Clap
One More Hand
Too Many Cards
The Cards Farted
Shuffle Off
Frisbee Gag
Handful Of Balls
Cellophane Gag
Billfold Bluff
Recycling Machine
Bad Breath Gag
Coin To Dove
Balloon To HUH?
Air-horn Sneeze
Fire Wallet Opener
Lint Roller Gag
A Parting Gift
- George Burns
COMEDY For Everyone
The Clap
You just need one of those fake hands they sell around Halloween. The more realistic,
the better. When there is a big applause you reach in your bag and start clapping using
the fake hand as one of the real hands. This looks really weird and funny. This is great
for when you are applauding for an MC, an audience member or another performer.
I've always felt that I could get a lot more out of the gag if I played up the impossibility
of the clean shuffle and deal. I have him shuffle the cards till his heart’s content. I then
ask him at least twice if he'd like to shuffle or cut one more time. If he does, I let him.
Then I make him show there is no stack...no cards palmed...no cards up his sleeves, etc.
He will begin to giggle and laugh when you accuse him of possibly having cards hidden
on his body, etc. THEN ask him do deal you five cards. THEN you take the deck from
him and deal him five cards. You both pick up your hands, only before you do you
simply cop off at least 15 or more cards from the bottom of the deck as you slap the deck
in front of HIM and grab your packet of five. Once your right hand has its packet it
plops it onto the copped cards, squares up and the rest is acting. I usually try to delay
the reaction for a moment and just spread a couple cards keeping it in a tight fan. He
won't notice of course because he is too worried about looking at his hand. Eventually, I
peer up over my hand and say “I'm WAY SURE I’ve got you beat bro...,” as I slowly
spread the cards revealing way too many cards for a poker hand!
It makes sense to follow this up with a great poker themed effect. There are lots of those
in print! I recommend Punken Droker by Paul Cummins.
You perform the classic spring flourish with the cards, springing the cards as widely as
possible making the standard card spring noise. I'm sure you've noticed that if you've
ever tried this flourish it sounds just like a wet fart. Like someone ripped a juicy
steamer and it’s about it go down...bad.
Well, I'm not the only one because often times when I performed this flourish for kids I
would make the loud springing noise, simply look at them and say “EXCUSE ME...it
was the cards...honest!,” as I wave my hand back in forth in the air as if wafting away
the stench from a fart.
The way to make this play much better is to have a small can of air freshener in your
pocket. I use OZONE brand. It’s made to have in your car. It’s a very small can that
takes up little pocket space. You can now perform the same gag with the same line, only
now you reach in your pocket and spray the air freshener all over in the air...they will
laugh and go nuts.
Shuffle Off
One deck is glued together and also glued inside the box. One deck is glued together
into one solid block. The third deck is an Electric Deck: a common marketed item
where the cards are all string together.
Three people are brought up for a Shuffling Contest. Whoever takes the cards out of the
box shuffles the cards and puts them back into the box the fastest wins. On your mark
they are to begin. They all begin to struggle with their individual situations to fast paced
music. You can usually get at least three minutes of solid entertainment watching them
struggle with the cards.
Even though the deck is similar to the Paul Harris Solid Deception, you won't be using it
for the same effect. The easiest way to make a solid deck is to use white glue like
Elmer's Brand Glue. Apply a thin layer of the glue around the edges of the squared deck
with your finger. Let dry and repeat with a few layers of glue. After a few layers of
dried glue you'll have a solid deck of cards. Do this same prep with the second deck and
then coat the top and bottom of the deck with the glue as well. Place the deck inside the
box and let dry. The only way to get it out once dry is to tear away the box destroying it
in the process. This is quite funny should they do so.
There is a chance they will destroy the electric deck by trying to shuffle it. More often
than not they will start playing around with it and even use it to do flourishes like its
meant to be used. I have not had many ruined but I avoid that by giving the electric
deck to someone that looks sane. Also if I did have to spend $4 for a good gag thats
cool with me. I'm a baller.
A great thing to follow this up with is an actual shuffling lesson with the winner. I
would recommend the effect Shuffling Lesson by Chad Long. Any strong card effect can
follow but this one fits the theme....and it's a KILLER. This routine is explained on
Chad Long's Magic DVD Volume 1.
It also gets funnier the more you egg them on and the more they struggle to shuffle the
cards! When the audience realizes nobody can win that adds another layer of humor.
The “winner” of the contest is whomever I choose. I always pick whomever is the best
actor or whomever has tried the hardest during the shuffle contest. For instance the
person with the cards glued inside the case will often tear the box apart in desperation.
This is really funny. After I choose the winner I then thank the other contestants and
perform the final routine with the winner.
Frisbee Gag
For this gag you want a VERY soft Frisbee or a very soft ball that can be easily seen and
caught. The motivation for the Frisbee is that you are going to toss it into the audience
to find a RANDOM volunteer. This is something that is used quite a bit in variety
performances. But the comedy comes in the fact that when you toss the Frisbee
“randomly” into the audience it is VERY OBVIOUS that you are lightly tossing it to
someone in the front row. I usually wind up and act like I'm going to throw the Frisbee
extremely hard and then at the last second I change up and lightly toss it to the person
I'm closest too.
Handful of Balls
It is common practice for many variety entertainers to toss a ball or light object into the
audience in order to find a random volunteer. This is exactly what you tell the audience.
You follow up with “Whoever catches the ball will be my random volunteer!” You then
grab a large bowl full of small ping pong balls and toss them into the audience so the
balls go everywhere. “Please...if the ball is close to you or goes near you please pick it
up.”
The blow off is when you look around as if you trying to choose whom to bring up and
then finally pick someone saying “Ok, here we go it looks like this guy caught the
ball...totally random...there is no way I could have known WHO would catch the ball
tonight...”. This is said with obvious sarcasm.
You now reveal your prediction written on a large pad or board. Your prediction reads,
“A man with dark hair wearing shoes will catch the ping pong ball.” Obviously the
chances are very high that this will happen. : )
After I reveal the lame prediction I then point out, with MUCH sarcasm, the
impossibility of the prediction. “Not only did you catch the ball sir.......but you are a
man! You have dark hair! AND YOUR WEARING SHOES! AMAZING!!!”.
Obviously you can customize it if your audience is all bald, or women etc. If your
working at the senior center the prediction might read, “The silver haired beauty with
the colostomy bag will catch the ping pong ball.”
Cellophane Gag
Place a long strip of thin cellophane into your thumb tip and place it on your thumb (you
can take the cellophane from a pack of cigarettes or a deck of cards and cut/tear it into
one long strip). It’s important that it’s one long thin strip and not just a wad. Borrow
any denomination bill and talk about the strip or seal that verifies a real bill from a
counterfeit. For a moment pick at the bill and pretend to try and pull it out but really
steal the tip off behind the bill and pull out the long piece of cellophane. Give back the
borrowed bill saying, “Um.....I’m not sure if that’s gonna spend well.”
Billfold Bluff
You pull a small note out of your pocket. “Sorry I’ve just been handed this note...they
wanted me to announce that there was a wallet found near the lobby of the hotel. Did
anyone lose a black wallet?”
Often times with that statement you will get a couple of wise guys who try to convince
you that it’s their wallet. When someone tries to claim it you look at the person and say,
“Oh it’s yours? No problem...Catch!”
With that you toss the wallet in his direction, only it’s on a piece of elastic, so it snaps
back into your hand. The follow up is, “I can't believe you fell for the old wallet on a
string bit!” I've found even if it doesn't snap back in to your hand, it’s still very
effective. The visual of it getting tossed into the waiting hands of a greedy man...and
then it flying back to you...is funny.
Recycle Machine
I am a HUGE fan of the standard structure of the now Classic Vanishing Bottle routine.
You put the bottle in the bag and state that it has vanished without actually showing the
bag empty. You snap your fingers and state that it has now returned. You reach in the
bag and pull out the bottle with a grin and everyone groans. This is a classic bit and has
been used for hundreds of years.
The next step is even funnier because you say something like “Oh...I know what you’re
thinking...maybe I should turn the bag upside down...”
Then the performer does just that but OBVIOUSLY holding the bottle inside the bag for
another laugh.
Variations of showing the bag empty while obviously still holding onto the bottle can be
performed for several phases and each one can be very funny. You get a chance to
“play” with the audience and they may even shout out things like “it’s in the bag” which
is great! They are about to fool themselves.
Here is a great bit I added that can be used for children or adults. But the obvious theme
is begging for a school show spot. This is how I have used it for years. I say something
like, “Ok, ok, so I can't really make the bottle disappear. But if I use my MAGIC
MARKER I can actually transform the bottle into money before your eyes. That’s
right...I'm about to turn this simple paper lunch sack into a RECYCLING MACHINE!!”
I reach in my pocket and finger palm the dime as I retrieve a marker. With a black
magic marker I draw the recycling sign on a paper bag. After I ditch the marker, I reach
in and show the bottle one more time. When I replace it I let the dime fall into the bag
as well. “Now whenever I want the magic to happen I simply put the bottle into the
magic recycling machine and VOILA!!”
Grab the bag by the bottom; turn the bag upside down retaining the bottle inside. Out
falls a dime...it’s important that time dime falls on the floor or onto a hard surface table
where it can be heard to clink and bounce as it lands.
As soon as the dime hits they floor they will begin to laugh. Immediately crumple up
the bag as per the standard vanish tossing it off to the wings or into your case.
I must point out that this really only makes sense in sates that have a $.10 deposit on
bottles. I live in MI so it makes sense here. Other states are $.05 so you would use a
nickel in that case. Or if you live in a state where there is no deposit you could
transform the bottle into a loud of spring bills as you talk about the money you save by
recycling. Here is a note from my friend Leonard Pomrehn: “I like the green aspect, and
your comments about hearing the dime are crucial. Reminds me of Steve Martin in the
70s with his “vanishing dime” opener. There is another line which may fit your routine.
When someone asks, “What’s in the bag?” you say, “I’ll tell you what’s in the
bag........A win against the Lions.”
The concept of a paper bag being some sort of magical recycling machine is so absurd
its funny. When you add the visual impact of the bottle vanishing its unexpected and
magical as well.
In my research Weller appears to be the first to mass produce Rubber Bottles in the
1940's. Around the same time Richard Himber created his own bottles and several
brilliant routines using paper bags.
Bad Breath Gag
You need to make up a simple gimmick for this visual gag. Get yourself a pack of
breath mints. It must be one of the brands that come in a roll similar to Life Savers.
You will also need one of those small pocket size canisters of breath spray. Binaca
brand is my preferred. A trip to the local drug store will often be the best place.
Walgreens usually has two brands. Binaca is better in my opinion because it is an
aerosol spray and not a pump. Due to the fact that both the spray and the mints about
the same size you can make a double-ended gimmick. You’re going to use the whole
canister of breath spray, but only about a third of the roll of breath mints. Take the
whole roll apart and then glue about 3 or 4 of the loose mints together in a stack. Glue
the paper back around the stack, and then slide the empty part of the roll over the breath
spray. Cut off the excess so you have about a third of the roll left. Slide the roll off so
you can apply glue to the outside of the breath spray enabling you to glue the roll to the
canister.
Keep the gimmick and fake ice cube in your left pants pocket (crafts stores sell these
glass cubes). While talking with a friend (or an enemy), reach into your pockets with
both hands. Secure the gimmick with the mint roll side showing, and the ice cube in
fingerpalm in the same hand. Address them saying, “Would you like a mint?” He or she
will probably say no due to the fact that you are making it less desirable by pretending to
pick some lint off of the mint. Simply shrug your shoulders and bring your hands
together. In once action your right hand covers the mint end of the gimmick as the left
hand pulls the cap off. Spray the freshener in your mouth, re-cap it and pocket the
gimmick. “It gives you ICY cool breath,” you say as you breathe into your left
fist...then reveal the ice cube! If you’re confused at all here is a crappy YouTube demo
of some dude doing it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WojoyEB5Q0w
Keep the dove in my left pocket. I reach into my pockets with both hands. The left
hand wads up the dove into the fist like a sponge-ball load. The right hand extracts a
coin from its pocket and immediately tosses it into the air. The right hand catches it and
slaps it onto the back of the left fist. As soon as the right hand slaps the left first, the left
hand opens dropping the dove onto the table. Let the coin fall back into your left hand
and pocket it as you pick up the dove and display it. I usually ask someone to, “Call it in
the air...heads or tails?” They say heads, for example, and I say “Nope...dove!” It
doesn't make any sense but it’s really funny. Aaron DeLong pointed out that David
London has an effect he created that is similar. David has an interesting take on this. Its
called the Magic Peanut. You can get it for free here:
http://www.davidlondonswebsite.com/?page_id=558
Balloon To HUH?
You need a balloon, a white feather, and a needle or some other pointed object. You talk
about the “classics of magic” as you blow the balloon. By the time you knot the balloon
you reveal that the classic you are referring to is the Balloon to Dove. You reach in your
pocket and grab a sharp object. Pop the balloon and there you are left holding one white
feather. The site is pretty funny considering they are expecting a dove.
The effect will be considerably heightened if you act as though you are quite surprised.
I usually say “oops... still working on that one...” The working is easy. After I blow up
the balloon I search my pockets looking for the pin. My right hand reaches into the
pocket and clips the feather like you would a cigarette production. The left hand places
the balloon into the right hand covering the feather and the left hand quickly grabs the
pin, pen, or other sharp object. When you stab the balloon with the left hand the right
hand pushes the feather into view triumphantly!
Here is how I used it as an opener at corporate and after dinner events for years. I would
find out the name of the CEO, President, Vice President or someone high up in the
company or organization. I write that name on the back of my business card and place it
inside the wallet.
The bit looks like this. You say that before you begin your show the host wanted you to
make an announcement. Apparently someone dropped or lost a wallet near the lobby of
the hotel. You open it, “Maybe there's some identification...Did anybody look?”. You
then hit the flint or trigger the wallet giving you a big flame. Slam the wallet shut. With
that you pull out the card and recite the name “BOB SMITH” or whoever the CEO is.
Everyone will laugh. He is a guy everyone knows and they'll laugh just at the thought
that you have his wallet. Then you can clumsily take some money out of the wallet and
stuff it in your pocket saying, “huh, looks like he's broke...”.
The last time I performed this bit it was for a company appreciation event put on by the
owner of several Applebee's restaurants. So I did the standard fire wallet bit i just
described and after I said his name I then followed it up with another joke, “Oh look,
there's some coupons...tucked in here...BUY ONE appetizer get the second FREE
at...Applebee’s. Wow...you know how to stretch a buck my man...”
The simple act of using the President or CEO's name is an easy way to create a shared
experience early on in the show. Everyone there will know who you are talking about
and they will laugh a little louder to let you know it.
You get an extra laugh when you apparently unload the guy for all his cash as you
casually put it in your pocket. The coupon bit is funny because in my example the guy
was a millionaire. They don't usually carry coupons for appetizers. Especially for the
restaurant they own. : )
A Parting Gift
This is a gag I use with a helper on stage. The idea is to give a volunteer a free gift as he
or she leaves the stage. “Here is a free tape of the show!!! Thanks for helping...(long
pause)... well...not a tape of MY show but it looks like it’s a pretty cool show... they
were in the dollar bin at Target...” I say this as I hand him a cheap DVD that I really
bought at the dollar bin at Target.
Then it becomes funnier when you reveal the title. You can also refer to the title for an
additional joke. If It was a particular iconic, or classic movie. Or maybe it has funny
title that people might recognize like Brokeback Mountain etc.
You can also add to the humor if the DVD obviously does NOT match the person. Like
giving a collection of Hitchcock films to a small 5 year old boy. Or give “The Best of
Gansta' Rap DVD Collection” to an elderly lady.
I have been using it quite a bit in a few different forms and it always gets a great laugh
or loud groans...either of which I'll take. The classic bit goes like this. You have a large
pad of paper or a prediction with the word NO written down. You then ask someone
“Do you have ANY idea what word I'm thinking of?” Hopefully they say “no” and you
turn the card around for a good laugh.
It’s always good to carry the gag in your case. IF ANYTHING it can be a great out if
you miss a word in a book test or an audience member decides to forget their word, etc.
Have a card that says “NO” in an envelope and another that says “Yes.” Or to save
space, just have one laminated card that says “yes” on one side and “no” on the other.
The classic gag goes something like this. You write a word on a pad not showing it to
the audience. You ask someone in the audience if they have any idea what word you
have written. They say “no,” and you turn the pad around showing the word “NO” in
big letters. An oldie but a goodie!
If you have ever tried the bit you may have had problems with them not saying NO or at
least not saying it the way you'd like. They may say “yes” or “I have no idea” or “I'm
not sure,” etc.
More often than not I find that people will look at me and shake their head “no” rather
than say “no.” This is natural. It’s a form of non verbal communication that is used all
the time. This happened quite a bit when I would try the gag. I think this is because
they don't want to say no out loud. It’s much more non confrontational to shake your
head than saying “no” out loud. It’s not natural for you to admit you don't know
something in front of a crowd.
So to resolve that problem I tried framing the question like this...I will say “Is the word
you are thinking of church?” It’s important to note that I say this as I look at the floor
or in the other direction. I will often close my eyes as if I’m concentrating /
hoping / praying that I’m correct. Basically I don't want to make eye contact and I
want them to KNOW that I can't see them.
They will say “NO” out loud because they know I can't see them shake their head.
This also forces them to say it louder than they may if I was looking at them.
Also, I'm not asking them an open ended question like, “Do you know what I wrote?” I
am asking them something very specific. "Are you thinking of the word church? is a
question that has a very specific answer. Yes or no. If they say yes you have a miracle.
If they say no you have a great gag!
Here is another way to present a similar gag. Tell them you've written a NAME. I say
I'm going to try and send them the name I'm thinking of from my mind to theirs. I then
close my eyes and concentrate. Then, as if something has gone wrong, I'll say “I think I
know what name your thinking of...but it’s not the one I wrote down...by chance is the
name you’re thinking of John?” Because John is one of the most popular names you
will often get a hit! The other times they will say “NO,” which is fine. I then say
“Noah?... (pause) Yes that’s exactly right!!!” while turning the pad around to reveal the
word NOAH in giant letters. You'll get groans...laughs...or both! Alternately you might
try displaying a large picture of Noah with the ark, animals and all.
The classic gag is funny because your capitalizing on human nature and a standard
answer that has, for the most part, only ONE answer. Predicting something that has an
outcome of ONE is pretty funny. The concept can be explored much further.
Vowel Movement
It goes something like this. “I think there is a vowel in your word? Yes?
Hmmm...wait...It's coming to me...It’s either an A, an E, an I, an O or a U? Yes? Oops
Sorry..........I just had a vowel movement.” Almost every time I perform a book test I
use this line from my friend Greg Phillips! Thanks Greg.
Riffle Giggle
This is a gag I use often with book tests but it can also be used with cards. As I riffle
through the book I tell them it’s important that I stop EXACTLY where they would like
me to. “I'll flip through the book like this and whenever you'd like me to stop just say
STOP!” I now flip through the book very slowly and when they say stop I keep going
way past the page they stopped at. THEN when I finally stop I say “Right here?
Perfect!” This usually gets a great laugh because it’s so obvious I didn't stop at the right
spot. I like this a lot because it’s funny and then when I repeat the riffle and REALLY
stop where they want me to it makes the effect that much more impossible.
I force the word Virginia. I then reveal it so its sounds to someone listening like I'm
talking about a Vagina, but the person who is thinking of the actual word Virginia will
often not pick up on it. It sounds like this.
“I believe the word you are thinking of is feminine...and starts with a V. It also
represents a place or a location...but definitely something to do with a woman. Also I
believe it ends with a vowel like...maybe an A? Yes...an A. It starts with a V, ends with
an A...and in the middle is a G correct? And it’s something to do with a feminine
location...”
I think you see where this is going. People will start to nervously laugh and giggle as
they slowly begin to realize you might be describing a vagina. You can stop there or get
really specific and graphic. I'll leave it up to you. The best part is that THEY are the
ones that are thinking dirty thoughts. When you finally reveal the word is Virginia by
having it written on a large pad or board...there will be lots of laughs.
This basic concept is customizable for lots of different words. Just pick a few different
words that are similar and have some fun!
Why it's funny
Vagina Fitness Center. There I said it. You either giggled or got exited. Admit it.
Vagina is a funny word and brings all sorts of thoughts. Many people I know either have
one or want one.
On the other hand this is just taking advantage of peoples assumptions. I love it because
its a routine that has innuendo but you do none of it. Its all in their heads because of
what they assume. When they finally realize they have been wrong, but lead down the
wrong path. There is a slight tension created when people think it could be “vagina”.
When it turns out to be Virginia you have a great element of surprise. They will not only
be amazed but there will be huge laughs and a release of the tension created.
Not even close! In a frantic the performer tosses out 2 or three other written predictions
as if searching for the correct one...the audience begins to laugh at this site. After he
tosses a few papers out he then tosses a baseball glove, a baseball, a catcher's mitt, some
peanuts, crackerjacks, a program, a ball hat, and finally a bat! Eventually the performer
sits down in disgust, “I can't find my prediction...”
This is just any page/word force you want...and acting. Combine it with a production
box and make a live baseball player appear.
It also reveals your frustration and that your in a panic which is funny. Then you start to
dump out all the items the audience understands you'd have to be a real idiot to have all
of that stuff in that box AND NOT realize you got the prediction correct. Thats funny.
Its also amazing. Nice combo. There will be a slow realization after you pull two or
three items out that you actually DID get it right. This is a great moment.
So tonight I will predict the lottery. “I have here one fresh lottery ticket straight from
Jim's Party and Liquor store down the street...”
The lottery ticket is now stuck to a Frisbee and the Frisbee is tossed into the audience.
Whoever catches it stands. This person is given a quarter to scratch off the ticket. It’s a
loser. You tell them to keep the quarter. : ) You then reveal the prediction. It says,
“LOSER.” The other side says, “WINNER” just in case. I usually make a joke about
how “I've got my bases covered either way,” as I flash the winner side. “But I've never
had to use that side yet!!!” That last line always gets a great laugh...
Initially, I would perform this with the two way out envelope and I would write in with a
nail writer the amount that they won...if they won. The problem is I've not had a winner
yet. I know that it is possible, so I've got the out ready. But I think it’s more fun to be
lazy and just assume they'll lose. If you'd like you can tape both the quarter AND the
lotto ticket to the Frisbee at the beginning. They can keep everything at the end....even
the frisbee. I buy in bulk.
Roy's idea originally used a multiple out envelope that was very clever. I wanted
something a little more straightforward and this is what I came up with. There is also a
funny kicker. Also, I use the test to find out if anyone in the audience is a dick.
You'll need any type of four way out envelope. I prefer to have a non gimmicked manila
envelope that has four white cards on the inside. You can purchase tabs used for filing at
an office supply store. I simply place a little tab on each card labeling them 1-4. This
way when you open the envelope you will be an easy matter to reach in and grab the
appropriate card. You’re looking right at the tabs and there is no guess work. If they say
“three,” Just grab the tab that says “3” and pull it out. Card number 3 will say “If you
picked the number 3 you’re a DICK.” Obviously they all say the same thing with each
number on each of the four cards. I also take one extra card and fold it into fourths.
This card reads, “You’re still a DICK.” After the initial laughter when you reveal your
prediction you state, “I know what you’re thinking...I probably have another prediction
in the envelope...and your right I do!” I then dump the folded card out of the envelope
and quickly toss the envelope away as I unfold the card to display it says “You’re still a
DICK.”
The tag or “kicker” is funny because you are really just repeating the same thing. Plus
the line itself sounds funny because your repeating the word dick. You are also
capitalizing on thoughts that people really have. That being, you might have more than
one prediction in the envelope.
Smoke Ass
“You can't frickin smoke anywhere now...so I just do this,” the performer announces as
he snorts a fresh cigarette, eats a lit match, then craps out a lit smoke.
You can use the old Cigarette up the nose sleight, or as I prefer to do, use a cigarette pull
so you can pretend to push the cigarette up your nose and then show your hands empty.
Ok, so the cigarette is gone...you apparently snorted it. I mime swallowing it and show
the route of the cigarette using my hands to gesture and indicate it’s going down into my
stomach. This just gives them a visual of where the cigarette is going inside my body.
Now you light a match and swallow it. There is really not a lot of technique here. Just
light the match and put it in your mouth cutting off the oxygen. You can create a little
pool of saliva in your mouth before you place the match in your mouth to ensure it
doesn't burn you. But here is the thing...if you put a burning object in your mouth there
is a good chance you'll get burnt at some point. I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILTY. So I
light the match and put it in my mouth. It goes out and I keep it in my cheek. They
think I eat it though. I now reach behind my body as if I'm extracting something from
my ass. I immediately produce a lit cigarette. Take a few drags and then take a bow.
The last part is just one of the now standard “puff” cigarettes sold at gag and magic
shops all over. Simply have one tucked under your belt or in your back pocket. You can
get them here: http://www.prankplace.com
My friend Aaron DeLong suggested using one of those currently popular electric
cigarettes since it produces a good amount of smoke and can wait in your pocket ready
to go for some time before you perform.
The visual of you snorting the cigarette is a classic bit that is magical and funny. The
idea that you could snort a cigarette, eat a lit match and pull a lit cigarette out of your ass
implies a magical colon which is quite funny. The fact that it appears lit is pretty
magical. Of course you could use a cigarette pull as a hold out and produce a real lit
cigarette. “Where should I put my butt?”
Ass Popper
You take one of those famous party poppers and place it into your mouth. You pull the
string POP and the confetti shoots out your ass!
I've tried several ways to do this and trust me I've thought of every way. Here is the
simplest. Have one tied to your belt loop and another in your pocket. You openly place
one in your mouth and they are unaware of the other tied to your belt loop. I tie mine on
the loop that is on my left side on my back. If I put my hands on my hips and turn
slightly to the audience this hand is blocked from view and can be used to pull the
popper. You'll also want to bend over slightly to add to the visual of you actually
shooting confetti from your mouth out your ass.
Here is the secret for the one in your mouth. Take EVERYTHING out of it. The
confetti string, igniting powder/cap etc. and then you can replace JUST the string
leaving it hanging out so it appears normal. Time it so that when you pull the string in
your mouth you're actually pulling the string on your back at the same time. The string
will stay tied to your belt but the popper will end up in your hand. Just palm it as you
reach up to take the visible popper from your mouth with the same hand. Toss both
poppers in your case or in your pocket to clean up. DON'T EVER SHOOT ONE IN
YOUR MOUTH FOR REAL!
Another one of my favorite solutions is the electronic version that I will sometimes use.
It’s a very simple servo motor that pulls the popper string causing it to shoot. It’s about
the size of a deck of cards, and attaches to your belt. My friend Sean Bogunia made this
for me but I am afraid of it. There is a video of me test riding it here. It’s not perfect but
you'll get the idea. Just scroll down and click on the video titled BUM POPPER.
http://www.facebook.com/MidwestMagicJubilee
You can get the party poppers pretty much at any party supply store. Or try here:
www.orientaltrading.com
As you say this one of the fingers falls off the peace sign and its now giving everyone
the finger. I don't need to explain too much. This is an arts and crafts project no matter
how you slice it so have fun lol!
You'll need a blown up cut out of your hand giving the peace sign. Cut off the one
finger and then reattach it with some putty, wax, tape, or magnets. This way it can be
easily knocked off “by accident.”
Why it's funny
An iconic symbol in pop culture. The bird, the finger. Flipping someone off. There are
so many names. But they are all funny when in the right context! Especially in this case
because its apparently an accident. The more oblivious you are to the fact that the finger
fell off the better and the funnier it will play.
You also have the comedy dynamic that you are trying to spread PEACE AND LOVE,
but really are saying “FU$# YOU”, the exact OPPOPSITE of peace and love. That is
funny.
I don't usually have the phone ring although you could with a pocket audio player or if
your performing with a sound system. Just have one of your cues be a cell phone
ringing. I have never done this. I always just pretend like a feel it vibrating. A cell
phone flask is a real item you can purchase online at many stores like Ebay, Amazon,
etc. It's a liquid flask made for transporting water, vodka, or whatever fits your needs. It
looks just like a cell phone, the top unscrews, and you can take a swig!
http://www.cellphoneflasks.com
Dick Dialing
There is a phenomenon that is quite common. Your cell phone calls someone while it’s
in your pocket by accident. This has become known as pocket dialing, butt dialing and/
or dick dialing. Seriously. Google it. The effect itself was inspired by a joke Aaron
Campbell made. Aaron is a stand up comedian and does no magic. We have worked
together quite a few times and Aaron's comedic mind is similar to mine.
The bit is that I have apparently trained my penis to actually dial phone numbers. I have
a number either given out loud verbally or written down.
I place my phone in my pants. Place the microphone up to my crotch area. And then
you hear the most beautiful noise in the world. The entire room fills with the high
pitched tones of the numbers being dialed...by my penis.
It’s a great illusion, and people freaking die laughing in the right environment. All you
need is a little sound gizmo. It can be any type of recorder playback device that you can
hide in your pants. Most men's underwear has a little flap in front. You can actually
hide the device in that flap and then fasten the flap shut to keep the device hidden.
Obviously the recorded message should sound JUST like your dialing a number.
Now when you place your cell phone in your pants you simply need to hit PLAY on
your device and pull your hand away. You can even move your hips to the sound of
each number or “note” being pushed.
The bit itself is hilarious and gets a great laugh. But you can make it play even stronger
if the girl’s phone actually starts ringing...as if your penis really did call her...
You either need to secretly dial the number in REAL TIME, or just do a little pre show
work. I have experimented with many different ways. I usually end up using whatever
is most practical...and easy. In this case, I've found the best way is to just hold my cell
phone against the pad of paper as I apparently take down her number. I really just hit
the numbers and then set the pad on top of my case letting the phone fall into it. I will
talk more and build up the impossibility of the situation. Eventually, I reach in my case,
get the phone and place it into my pants. All I need to do is hit send now!!!
When you place the phone into your pants hit send and then hit play on the recorder.
It’s best to record the number tones after about a 3-5 second delay so that way it doesn't
start as soon as you push play. Moving your hips to the sound of each number being
pushed can add a lot the fun.
In Closing
If you have any questions, comments or concerns please email them to me at
nathankranzo@gmail.com
Also if you have any trouble finding the items/props listed please contact me or stop by
http://www.KranzoMagic.com
Heather Kranzo
Aaron Campbell
Anton James (Cover Design)
Aaron DeLong
Leonard Pomrehn
Greg Phillips
Sean Bogunia
For more kick ass magic and mentalism visit my site below.
www.KranzoMagic.com