2 - Romantic & Intimate Relationships-A Gender Queer Perspective-Chapters 1-5 PDF

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CHAPTER I
THE PROBLEM AND ITS BACKGROUND
Introduction
“Love is Love...it knows no gender and doesn‟t conform to restrictions and

boundaries...”
-T.M. Smith (Opposite, 2013)
Same-sex relationships have been emerging in recent years and have
been throughout the world for many generations. And for a very long time it
challenged the morality and values of the society for it is quite uncommon. The
people involved in a same-sex relationship get ostracized by people who don‘t
understand what really they are up to. Since experience can be studied from
many perspectives, people can understand the status of same-sex relationship. It
will be useful to know their perspective and how the society affects them.
Based from Merriam-Webster Dictionary, heterosexual is characterized by
a tendency to direct sexual desire toward the opposite sex. Also, it is defined as
involving sexual intercourse between individuals of opposite sex. The
heterogeneous relationship in human society is the most fundamental and
important type of human relationship because it is not only the cornerstone of
procreation, but also the unique bond in the principally perfect union of the two
complementary halves of humanity. Since same-sex relationship is emerging, the
concept of relationship for humanity became more complex. The bond of same-
sex relationship is special and has unique qualities that should be acknowledged
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and strengthened, not denied and degraded by regarding it simply as one of the
many alternatives.
If two openly gay men or lesbian women walk down the street holding
hands and show general signs of affection, common among heterosexual
couples, they will likely receive remonstrative stares, be viciously derided, and
avoided. The homosexual couple has been labelled with a stigma. In other
words, their community has changed their attitude and behaviour towards
homosexuals because they believe that homosexuality is wrong. Included in the
stigma is the fact that the two men will feel different about themselves because of
how they are treated by mainstream society.
The stigma is the result of the fact that society treats homosexual
behaviour as being deviant, or against the norms of society. Deviancy is divided
into two separate categories. Primary deviance is the initial act of breaking a
societal norm or rule, which can lead to the offender being labelled as being
―deviant.‖ This label will in turn change the opinions people have about a person,
simply because of the label. Secondary deviance is the continued act of breaking
the social norm because of the expectations of your behaviour developed by other
people based on your label.
The Pew Research Center conducted a survey from 2 March to 1 May
2013 in 39 countries with 37,653 respondents. This survey showed that 73
percent of the Filipino respondents said that homosexuality should be accepted by
society with an even higher percentage (78%) of younger respondents in the 18–
29 age group (Pew Research Center, 2013).
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LGBT Filipinos questioned the results of this survey, however, claiming that
LGBT Filipinos are tolerated only if they fit stereotypes. Garcia (2004) added that
when visitors to the Philippines remark that Filipinos openly tolerate and/or accept
homosexuality, they invariably have in mind effeminate, cross-dressing men
(bakla) swishing down streets and squealing on the television program with
flaming impunity. To equate Philippine society‘s tolerance for public displays of
transvestism with a wholesale approval of homosexual behavior is naive, if not
downright foolish. For Tan (2001), acceptance is conditional as long as the ―bakla‖
remain confined to certain occupational niches and fulfil certain stereotypes.
As of today, private organizations are doing an action to prevent the
discrimination among homosexuals. The Societal Abuses, Discrimination, and
Acts of Violence Based on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity, a coalition of
lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Non-Governmental Organizations
(NGOs), submitted a midyear report to the United Nation Universal Periodic
Review that criticized the government for the absence of law and policy to protect
persons from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
From January to August 2015, the NGO Philippine LGBT Hate Crime
Watch recorded 29 killings of LGBT individuals, linked the killings to prejudice or
hate crimes, and referred them to the Commission on Human Rights and
Philippine National Police for investigations, which were pending at year's end.
LGBT NGOs reported societal discrimination based on sexual orientation and
gender identity, including in employment and education.
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Despite its reputation as a fairly liberal haven for gays and lesbians, the
Philippines have failed to guarantee legal protections of LGBTs in accordance with
United Nations human rights conventions.
The Philippine Congress is again debating an Anti-Discrimination Bill
submitted in 2010, filed as House Bill 1483 or An Act Defining Discrimination on
the Basis of Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity and Providing Penalties
Therefor. The bill would outlaw both practices and policies that limit the basic
rights and freedoms of LGBT in schools, offices, commercial establishments,
health care institutions, the civil service, police and military.
In the last decade, the gay population of Philippines has really skyrocketed.
Experts are not sure about this growth, but it is estimated that there are more than
804,000 gay men in the country. In other words, 1 out of every 16 men is gay.
It is essential to conceptualize same-sex relationships without using
heterosexuality as a model or standard. Assumptions about relationships based
on the values and experiences of heterosexuals may not necessarily apply to
same-sex couples. But more difficult than defining a relationship is specifying
when a relationship is in same-sex. A same-sex relationship is a kind of
relationship wherein two people with the same gender is engaging in a mutual
relationship. It is different from heterosexual relationship since it involves two
opposite sex who are in a mutual relationship. Same-sex couples share many
commonalities with heterosexual couples. The day-to-day activities of their lives
often are similar, but the social context in which they live differs greatly, largely
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due to the influences of the dominant heterosexual culture and traditional
expectations of gender roles within a relationship.
A relationship perspective takes as the central phenomenon of interest the
sexual and romantic relationships that occur between same- sex partners. As De
Cecco and Shively (1984) noted, a relationship perspective shifts the focus of
inquiry from isolated individuals to their mutual associations. A relationship
perspective seeks to describe the characteristics of homosexual pairings,
addressing such issues as the extent of commitment in gay relationships, the
balance of power between partners, and the nature of sexual expression in long-
term couples. A relationship perspective also explores the goals and values that
individuals have about relationships and their subjective experiences in
relationships.
A further goal of relationship research is to analyze the causes of variations
among homosexual couples and to understand the factors that lead relationships
to change over time. Research on the same-sex relationships of a heterosexual
and homosexual represents a relatively new direction in the study of
homosexuality.
Romantic relationship quality is an important factor for well-being. Most
research on romantic relationships is based on heterosexual couples, but studies
of different types of dyads showed that relationship functioning among same-sex
couples is similar to that among heterosexual couples.
In Batangas City, there are instances that people involved in a same-sex
relationship is open for discriminations. It is quite evident in most places where
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they live. They might experience discrimination despite the fact that their
relationship is not accepted by the religion, society and by the people
perspectives. Thus, this study is written because researchers want to help people
in same-sex relationship to be brave enough to cope the rejection of others.
The researchers with the goal of finding new reasons and perspective
about same-sex relationships will expect to take part in listening and learning from
those persons engaging in a relationship with a same-sex. The researchers want
to show to the society that the misconceptions of speculations about a same-sex
relationship are wrong.
This study aimed to give enlightenment to the people in accepting the
same-sex relationship. Along with it is the promise that the study will provide a
deeper understanding on the gender queer‘s perspective embedded with these
problems. Such understanding is deemed to create a fairer treatment of those
who belong to such group.
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Conceptual Framework
The conceptual framework provides the synopsis on how this research
work shall go through.
INPUT PROCESS OUTPUT
Gender Queer
Perspective 1. Review of
1. Gender Queer‘s
literature and
perspective
studies.
regarding intimate
1. What is the
2. satisfaction within
perspective of
Conceptualization the established
Gender Queer about
of questionnaire relationship.
Intimate Relationship
regarding intimate for in-depth
satisfaction? interview.
2. What is the 3. Consultation to

professionals for 2. Differences in the
perspective of
face validation of perspectives of
Gender Queer about
the gender queer about
Romantic
questionnaires. their romantic
Relationship in terms
relationship
of:
2.1. Commitment 4. Gathering of
2.2. Equality the data through
interview.
3. How does the 5. Application of 3. Implication of the

gender – queer vary interpretation. study in the
in their perspective? relationship of
6. Forwarding of gender queer
4. What implications recommendation
can be derived from and feedback.
the study regarding
the relationships of
the gender queer?
Plan of Action
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The conceptual framework shown above describes the study wherein the
input consists of the following demographic profile of the respondents. In addition
too, the perspective of the gender queer about the romantic relationship in terms
of commitment and longevity and equality, and the perspective of the gender
queer about the intimate relationship in terms of intimate satisfaction are also
included.
The process is the step-by-step procedure guide for the researchers. First,
they will read and list the review of related literature wherein on this part
researchers will cite the studies made by other people in connection with the
study conducted by the researchers. Second, the researchers will do
conceptualization of research questionnaire in this part of the research forming
the basic ideas, design, plans and strategies based on the given facts were
conceptualized. Third, the researchers will consult to professionals to face
validate the research questionnaire. Fourth, the researchers will conduct data
gathering from the interview. And finally the analysis and interpretation of the data.
And lastly, the researchers will forward the recommendation and conclusions.
Statement of the assertion of the relationship between concepts derives from
theories or generalization based on the empirical data will be cited here.
The output, details of the researcher or factual information regarding the
following data will be cited here such as the perspective of gender queer about
intimate and romantic relationships and variation of gender queer in terms of
perspective.
Feedback, represent the comments, suggestions made for future
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researchers guide on how to conduct studies with the same concept.
Theoretical Framework
The study is founded on the Attachment theory by John Bowlby (1969,
1973, 1980) which suggests that people‘s intimate relationships are related to
their relationships with their attachment figure. This attachment figure is a primary
caregiver.
People have an attachment behavior system that helps to control how
close or distant they are from others. The way people develop this system is
dependent on their perception of their attachment figure. When they feel secure
that the attachment figure is present and responsive, people‘s attachment
behavior system relaxes. When they wonder whether the attachment figure is
present and responsive, people‘s attachment behavior system becomes activated.
They become upset and strive to restore closeness to their attachment figure.
Over time, people develop internal working models of attachment. These
models include expectations regarding the degree to which their attachment figure
will be responsive to their needs. These internal working models of attachment
have been divided into three different types: (1) secure, in which the attachment
figure is seen as reliable and expected to be responsive to the infant‘s needs, (2)
avoidant, in which the attachment figure is seen as unavailable, and the infant
defensively avoids close contact with others, (3) anxious/ambivalent, in which the
attachment figure is not consistently available or responsive, and the infant
becomes preoccupied with checking on the attachment figure‘s availability.
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Attachment theory suggests that people apply these internal working models of
attachment to their romantic relationships.
On the other hand, Social learning theory by Alfred Bandura (1977) views
behavior as central to relationships. Partners affect each other‘s lives through the
behaviours they exchange. Partners learn from their relationship behaviours.
Each time partners engage in positive behaviours, they learn they can trust each
other and view the relationship positively. Each time partners engage in negative
behaviours, they question whether they can trust each other, and begin to view
the relationship negatively. Partners bring these memories of past behaviours,
and ideas of whether they can trust their partner and relationship, into their next
interaction with their partner.
Furthermore, the study is also related to the Coercion theory is a subset of
social learning theory, captures cycles of behaviour. This theory states that, if
people get a response from their partner after engaging in a particular behavior
(e.g., yelling to get their partner‘s attention), they will continue to engage in that
behavior.
Escape conditioning, another subset of social learning theory, captures
another aspect of cycles of behavior. This idea states that, if a behavior brings an
end to an uncomfortable situation, people will repeat that behavior. For instance, if
storming out brings an end to an uncomfortable argument, people will storm out
again the next time they experience an uncomfortable argument.
Another theory that the study would want to test is the Social Exchange
Theory by B.F. Skinner. This theory suggests that satisfaction is high when a
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person perceives that a relationship provides many rewards and entails relatively
few costs. One central concept involved in social exchange theory is ―equality‖.
There‘s a state of equality if both people feel that the efforts that they do for one
another are proportioned.
In addition, this theory describes that a relationship becomes positive if the
rewards or benefits received outweighs the costs while a relationship becomes
negative when the costs are greater than the rewards or benefits.
Costs involve things that are seen as negatives to the individual such as
having to put money, time and effort into a relationship. The benefits are the things
that the individual gets out of the relationship such as fun, friendship,
companionship and social support.
Statement of the Problem
The study explored the perspective of the gender queer about romantic
and intimate relationships. Specifically, it sought answers to the following research
questions.
1. What is the perspective of gender queer about intimate satisfaction within
the relationship?
2. What is the perspective of gender queer about romantic relationship in
terms of
2.1 Commitment, and
2.2 Equality
3. How do the gender queer vary in terms of their perspective?
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4. What implications can be derived from the study regarding the relationships
of the gender queer?
Scope and Delimitation
The scopes of the study are the perspective of gender queer about the
intimate and romantic relationship and how they vary in terms of perspective. It
was made to identify the perspective of the gender queer about their relationship
and the uniqueness of such relationship.
It covers gender queer who are engaging in a same-sex relationship ages
18 and above. The study covers the area of Lipa City, Batangas. It is conducted in
selected locations in the town. The study started from November 2014 and is
expected to be accomplished on November 2015. It was limited to the answers of
8 selected individuals who are currently in a relationship with the same-sex.
The study is conducted for homosexuals or gender queer specifically
lesbians and gays who are currently in a relationship with their same-sex. The
selected respondents for this study are from Lipa City only, therefore, no
generalized result will be obtained among gender queer in the country.
Distinctively, the study is concentrated on answering a set of questions
through an interview with the respondents. The results will be part of the
researcher‘s evaluation.
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Significance of the Study
This research is conducted to know the romantic and sexual perspective of
same-sex couples regarding relationships and the reasons why an individual
enters in a same-sex relationship. The result and conclusion of this study are
deemed to be significant to the following:
Educators. The study is deemed to inform them about the realities of same-
sex relationships, which will eventually contribute to the limited knowledge of their
students about the subject.
Family of Same-Sex Partners. This study will benefit the family of the
same-sex partners because they will know the reasons why their children enter in
a same-sex relationship. Their false beliefs and superstitions about this topic will
be clarified through this comprehensive study.
Homosexuals. This study can help the homosexuals to know the reasons
why a heterosexual prefer to have a relationship with them than having a
relationship with their opposite sex. They will also realize to their selves that there
are people who are willing to accept and love them with a valid reason.
Homosexual who are in a relationship. This study can inform Gay-male and
lesbian-female couples on how they can maintain the stability of their relationship.
They will be aware of the factors that contribute to the strength of homosexual
relationships which create feelings and motivation that encourages them to
continue such form of relationship.
Future Researchers. This study will help the researchers to have a broader
understanding about same-sex relationship. The researcher will know the reasons
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why such individual enters in that kind of relationship. This thesis will also help the
researchers to accomplish their Research subject in their course.
Definition of Terms
To fully understand the study, the researchers use the conceptual as well
as the operational definitions of the following terms.
Bisexual. It refers to someone who has the emotional and erotic attraction
to both men and women.
Commitment. It pertains to the part of the relationship that provides safety
and security, so couples can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires openly.
Equality. refers to the couple‘s respect with each other and to the roles they
play in the relationship. It pertains to the presence of equal and balance power
and influence in a relationship.
Gender queer couples. It refers to the couples of composed of individuals
of same-sex. They are the direct opposite of heterosexual couples. It is also
referred to as same-sex couples.
Gender Queer. It refers to a group of individuals whose sexual orientation
is described as lesbian, gay, or bisexual.
Intimate Relationships. It pertains in which you can truly be yourself with
someone who you respect and are respected by in return. It is an emotional
connection that can also be physical. Physical intimacy includes kissing, hugging,
cuddling, and etc.
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Intimate satisfaction. Refers to the couple‘s sexual relationship and
experiences in terms of sexual expression, satisfaction and activities and whether
they are happy and satisfied about their sexual relationship.
Lesbian Butch. It pertains to a woman who plays the role of being the
masculine one in a same-sex relationship.
Lesbian Femme. It refers to a woman who plays the role of being the most
feminine in a same-sex relationship.
Romantic Relationships. It refers to the relationship that focuses more on
the emotions and feelings of the couples. It is how the couples valued their
relationship.
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CHAPTER II
REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE AND STUDIES
This chapter covers related literature and study on the factors and reasons
why heterosexuals form romantic and intimate relationship with gender queer
people. This chapter contains the related readings, journals, ideas, concepts and
published research studies of different authors and sources in relation to
researcher's study.
Gender Queer
Meem, Gibson & Alexander (2010) described the term gender – queer as
those with non – normative gender. Typically those who categorized as both man
and woman; neither man nor woman; moving between two or more genders; third
gendered or other-gendered; and having an overlap or blur gender. When the
term is broken down it leaves gender and queer.
Based from the Oxford Dictionary gender refers to the state of being male
or female wherein it is more of a cultural or social identification. On the other
hand, ―queer‖ pertains to non – normativeness, an oddity. When the definitions
are combined, gender – queer refers to non – normative gender identification.
There are issues regarding the connotation ―queer‖ because it implies identity
implication, discrimination or pessimism, but the LGBT organization has viewed it
in a positive way, they now utilize it as an umbrella term to refer to their
organization.
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Commitment
A serious relationship is characterized by the intention of the couple
involved to keep the relationship going on as long as they live. On the other hand,
a committed relationship is described as a feeling that provides safety and
security, so couples can express their thoughts, feelings, and desires openly. Both
play a side by side role in the stability of a relationship. And like heterosexual
couples, homosexual couples emphasize these two pillars of a strong relationship.
Kurdek (1995), Peplau & Spalding (2000) have found a significant similarity
between homosexual couples and heterosexual couples. They found that
homosexual couples and heterosexual couples maintain and form committed
romantic relationships. They also found an interesting similarity between the two.
Like heterosexual couples, homosexual couples quarrels regarding who‘s in
charge in some situations. This is great evidence that homosexual couples do not
differ from heterosexual couples.
On the other hand, Gottman (2003), found a striking element that makes
homosexual relationships unique. He found that homosexual couples, showed
less belligerence, whining, and tension. They showed more affection, humor and
joy than the comparable heterosexual couples. This study by Gottman reflects
that homosexual couples are capable of commitment. Gottman stated that ―gay
and lesbian couples are not only more honest with one another; they are also
more likely to exhibit affection and humor in negotiating relationship stressors.‖
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Unlike other researchers who generalize gay-man and lesbian-woman
couples, Metz (1994) focus on the relationship quality of gay-man relationships. In
his study regarding how gay-men couples resolve conflicts, he found that gay-
men exert more individual effort to resolve conflicts. Most gays perceived their
partners to be more adaptive or flexible during conflicts and appraised more effort
and construct assertion. In addition, gay-men are good in resolving conflicts
because they respond immediately to resolve the conflict or problem, a
characteristic unique in gay-men. Such results found by Metz only say that gay-
men couples are capable of maintaining the harmony of their relationship which is
a sign that commitment and seriousness are present in this form of relationship.
On the other hand, UCLA researchers Peplau and Cochran (1980)
selected matched samples of 50 lesbians, 50 gay men, 50 heterosexual women
and 50 heterosexual men – all involved in a ―romantic/sexual relationship‖. The
results showed that gays and lesbians perceived themselves serious about their
relationships. On the standardized love scale, lesbians and gay men generally
reported high love for their partner, indicating strong feelings of seriousness
towards their partners.
On the contrary, Dailey (1979) found that all couples (homosexual and
heterosexual) appeared to be successful. Yet unlike previous studies describing
the differences between homosexual and heterosexual couples, he found no
significant differences between that two. Furthermore, he found similar results. He
reported that homosexual couples are just as committed in their romantic
relationship as heterosexual couples. He compared studies with homosexual
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couples with heterosexual couples on a number of developmental and relationship
factors. He first examined whether committed homosexual couples differ from
heterosexual married couples in terms of interaction and satisfaction. The results
showed that both values positive interaction which improves the quality of
relationship and produces satisfaction. In addition, He also compared 30
committed gay-male, and 30 committed lesbian couples with 50 heterosexual
couples and 50 older married heterosexual couples as well as dating heterosexual
couples. The results showed that homosexual and heterosexual couples are
similar in many ways. All had positive views in their relationships, but those in
committed relationships resolved conflict better.
Generally, it appears that there are 3 general factors that make
homosexuals and also heterosexuals to stay in the relationship. Kurdek (1998,
2000) enumerate these 3 factors. First, ―positive attraction forces‖, such as love
and satisfaction, make partners stay together. Second is the ―availability of
alternatives‖. Partners who perceive few alternatives are less likely to leave a
relationship. And third, ―barriers that make it difficult to leave a relationship‖.
These barriers include investments (e.g. psychological, emotional and financial
costs).
In line with this, Beals‘ (2002) findings are also relevant to Kurdek‘s. His
analyzes found that relationship satisfaction, the quality of alternatives and
investment each predicted psychological commitment, which also predicted
relationship stability.
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On the other hand, Balsam (2008) and her colleagues from the University
of Washington, San Diego State University and the University of Vermont wanted
to examine how sexual orientation and legal status affected relationship quality.
They followed 65 male and 138 female same-sex couples with civil unions, 23
male and 61 female same-sex couples not in civil unions and 55 heterosexual
married couples over a three-year period. The researchers found that same-sex
couples were similar to heterosexual couples on most relationships variables and
that the legalized status of a relationship did not seem to be the overriding factor
affecting same-sex relationships. ―This may be because those couples in Vermont
who sought out the legal protection of a civil union might have legalized their
relationship more for symbolic value than for commitment reasons, which did not
affect their day-to-day interactions,‖ said lead author Kimberly F. Balsam, Ph.D.
Hers‘ and other researchers‘ findings dispute stereotypes that couples in
homosexual relationships are not as committed as their heterosexual counterparts
and solved the myths that homosexual couples are not as psychologically healthy
like heterosexuals.
Moreover, the findings of Balsam (2008) showed that same-sex couples,
regardless of civil union status, were more satisfied with their relationships
compared to married heterosexual couples. Same-sex couples reported more
positive feelings toward their partners and less conflict than heterosexual married
couples. She theorized that there may be societal pressures and norms, as well
as the presence of legal status as a couple, which may contribute to heterosexual
couples staying together even when they are not happy. Alternatively, most long-
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term same-sex couples have to stay together by their own will and hard work
since they don't have society's forces on their side.
In support with this, the studies of Gottman (2003) and Balsam (2008) have
three important things in common that can generalize homosexual couples. First,
homosexual couples can have strong stable and healthy relationships. Second,
legally recognizing homosexual couples could increase their stability. Third,
homosexual couples have a lot to teach everyone about how to have healthy
relationships.
To support even further the previous studies and statements, the
Encyclopedia of Human Relationships (2009) explained three factors affecting
partner‘s commitment to their relationship. First, positive attractions such as love
and intimacy make individuals want to maintain a relationship. Second, the
availability of attractive alternatives to the current relationship, including other
possible partners or the prospect of being alone, reduces commitment. Third,
barriers to leaving a relationship are important. Researchers show that these
same factors affect commitment in both same-sex and heterosexual relationships.
Gay and lesbian couples consistently report fewer barriers to ending a relationship
than do heterosexual married couples Same-sex couples are less likely to own
joint property or have children together. Most gay and lesbian couples do not
need legal proceedings to end their relationship.
Moreover, Kaiser (2001) added that homosexual couples aspire for love,
recognition, support and sexual intimacy. They face common challenges, such as
negotiating day-to-day conflicts, violence between partners and desire to start a
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family. That said, persons in same-sex partnership have relationship trajectories
that can be tainted by discrimination, victimization, stigmas, intolerance, isolation
and rejection.
In line with this, a study conducted by Murphy (1989) wherein he surveyed
20 European American, middle-class lesbians, all of whom were in partnered
relationships, had no children, and were "out" to their parents. Participants
reported that being out to their parents decreased their sense of isolation, made it
easier to come out to other family members, and enabled them to live their lives
without compartmentalizing themselves. Nevertheless, participants reported that
their parents often ignored their partner, and also tended to admire their
daughter's partner more when they thought she was a friend.
In addition to Murphy‘s findings, Caron and Ulin (1997) surveyed 124
lesbians in coupled relationships via convenience sampling in Maine. Openness
to immediate and extended family was correlated with relationship satisfaction,
whereas openness to coworkers was not.
According to the findings and reviews of Gottman and Silver (1999) and
Peplau and Spalding (2000), ‗‗active listening‘‘ and ―availability of alternatives‖ are
important in commitment. Based on the behavioral data and the theoretical
conceptualization of understanding, active listening seems to consist of two main
parts: attentive listening (e.g., paying attention, showing interest in the
conversation) and comprehension (e.g., understanding what the event is). On the
other hand, partners who perceive few alternatives are less likely to leave a
relationship. Communities provide social support for same-sex couples, but they
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may also facilitate the meeting of alternative partners (Huston & Schwartz, 1995).
One study found that, availability of alternatives was negatively associated with
psychological commitment, which in turn associated with relationship stability.
While other studies suggest that presence of alternatives might threaten the
emotional commitment of existing same-sex relationships (Weeks, Heaphy &
Donovan, 2001).
To support even further the previous studies, according to the investment
model of Rusbult (1980, 1983) predicts the relationship satisfaction and also
commitment in a relationship. He found greater satisfaction with relationships was
associated with higher levels of rewards and lower levels of costs. Greater
commitment was associated with greater satisfaction, greater investments, and
poorer quality alternatives. Relationship costs were more strongly related to
satisfaction and commitment for females than for males. Differences in the
average level and the importance of a wide variety of specific predictors were also
examined. In general, gender appeared to be a more important predictor of the
behaviors explored in this study than was sexual preference.
While Steinberg (2013) stated that psychotherapy can help or contribute to
the relationship satisfaction of gay-men. Psychotherapy may help most gay-men
to release repressed feelings and emotions that hinder them in achieving
satisfaction in a relationship. Steinberg (2013) explained that the culture stigma
experienced by homosexual relationships can be somewhat eased by the
methods and interventions offered by psychotherapy. He also added that gay-men
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may learn to recognize the sources of what they learned about relationships, both
from their upbringing and from growing up in a homophobic culture.
Furthermore, Peplau (2000) cited 3 predictors that determine the
satisfaction of lesbian couples in their relationship. Based on Blau‘s (1964) social
exchange theory, the first predictor is the ―balance of involvement‖. It is expected
that satisfaction in lesbian relationships would be higher among couples with
equal rather than unequal involvement. The second predictor is the ―balance of
power‖. Ethnographic studies of lesbian communities in California and Oregon
have found many lesbians desire power equality and reject the idea of one partner
being dominant. Lesbian couples emphasize egalitarianism because it endorses
feminist values. Most lesbians prefer equal power which leads to relationship
satisfaction. The third characteristic that can influence satisfaction is ―partner
similarity‖.
Cotton (1975) speculated that lesbians might select partners who were
different from themselves. The results of Cotton‘s study of 30 lesbians indicated
that most women relationships ―with others who differ little from themselves.‖
Lesbians would tend to have partners similar in background to them.
And just like the above findings Rusbult, Johnson and Morrow (1968)
explained that individuals will feel more satisfied with their relationship to the
extent that such relationships produce high rewards (e.g., physically attractive
partner), involve law costs, (e. g., few mutual quarrels), and exceed their
comparison level and expectations regarding the quality of close relationships.
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In addition, As Levinger (1979) and others have pointed out, commitment
and permanence in a relationship are affected by two separate types of factors.
The first concerns the strength of the positive attractions that make us want to
stay in a relationship. Although stereotypes depict gays and lesbians as having
weaker attractions to their partners than do heterosexuals, it is already seen that
research does not support this view. The second factors maintaining the stability
of relationships are barriers that make the ending of the relationship costly, in
either psychological or material terms. For heterosexuals, marriage usually
creates many barriers to dissolution including the cost of divorce, the wife's
financial dependence on her husband, joint investments in property, concerns
about children, and so on. Such factors may encourage married couples to "work"
to improve a declining relationship, rather than end it. In contrast, gay and lesbian
couples may be less likely to experience comparable barriers to the ending of a
relationship—they cannot marry legally, their relatives may prefer that they end
their relationship; they are less likely to have children in common, and so on.
Another barrier to ending a relationship might be the lack of alternative partners or
resources. To the extent that a current partner is the "best available‖ we are less
likely to leave.
Equality
Homosexual couples exhibits and promotes equality in their relationship.
Based on Herek‘s (2006) observation, gay and lesbian couples divide chores fairly
an equally by not assigning husband-wife roles for household labor. Herek (2006)
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also noted that homosexual couples accommodate differences in interests and
skills.
Another proof that equality is quite present in homosexual couples, Kurdek
(2004) and Gottman (2003) found that homosexual couples resolve conflict be
integrating their similar views and problem solving ways. Unlike heterosexual
couples and their systematic differences and perceptions, resolving conflicts are
complicated.
Furthermore, Kurdek (1998) stated that gay and lesbian relationships
emphasizes autonomy. Autonomy in terms that they homosexuals has power to
control the relationship to stay stable and committed to each other without the
presence of male-female roles.
In addition Gonsiorek and Weinrich (1991) cited Duffy and Rusbult (1986).
They conducted a comparative study of homosexual and heterosexual
relationships to test if equality is present in both. They use the social exchange
theory to support their findings. This research found that lesbians, gay men, and
heterosexuals all generally described their relationships in quite similar ways. All
groups reported strong attraction to their partner (that is, high rewards and low
costs from the relationship and high satisfaction), moderately high investments in
the relationship, and moderately poor alternatives. All types of couples also
reported strong commitment.
Consistently, Green (1975) found that same-sex couples tend to be much
more egalitarian in their relationships. They share decision-making more equally,
finances more equally, housework more equally, childcare more equally. Basically
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in every dimension they looked at, same-sex couples are dramatically more equal
in the way they function together as a couple compared to heterosexual couples.
Furthermore, to Komarovsky (1962) couples, who experience mutuality,
are more likely to to have high levels of disclosure. Moreover, Greene, Derlega
and Mathews (2006) stated that self-disclosure has an important in the
development of intimacy in romantic relationships. In addition, Kurdek (1993)
studied the allocation of household tasks in lesbian, gay male, and heterosexual
married couples. Lesbian couples tended to share tasks, and both lesbian and
gay male couples divided tasks so that each partner performed an equal number
or tasks. In married heterosexual couples. Women did the majority of household
tasks. Moreover, In an early study by Peplau and Cochran (1980), 92% of gay
men and 97% of lesbians defined the ideal balance of power as one in which both
partners were ―exactly equal‖.
Consistent with the previous studies, Reilly and Lynch (1990) asked lesbian
and gay male couples on who has more power in their relationship. The findings
were divided in to two, the other half of the respondents reported that power
sharing in their relationship is relatively equal, and while the other half indicated
that power sharing has nothing to do in the quality of their relationship. Reilly and
Lynch (1990) therefore concluded that power sharing in a relationship is not
attributable to income, education or asset difference between partner in support
with this, a study found that satisfaction is higher when partners are equally
involved in or committed to a relationship.
Moreover, Blumstein and Schwartz (1983) found that the partner who earns
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a higher income has more power relative to their partner, except in lesbian
couples where relative income does not affect power.
Furthermore, Gottman (2003) stated that same-sex couples show more
affection, listen better, and take more turns talking. Same-sex partners are less
accusatory and deploy more humour in their disagreements. There‘s less
belligerence, less domineering, less fear, less whining. Such implies that power is
also related and expressed in understanding and accommodation in relationships.
In line with this, Knudson-Martin (2009), the mutuality of influence that is so
central to equality hinges on reciprocal engagement. In her studies of the process,
she has found that each partner, by being aware of and interested in the needs of
the other, allows the other to feel not only important but supported in the
relationship.
On the other hand, Gonzaga, Campos, and Bradbury (2007) argued that
couples with similar personalities tend to share similar emotional experiences,
resulting in a positive association between personality similarity and relationship
satisfaction. When partners converged in personality and emotional experience
over time, the convergence related to better relationship functioning.
Based on the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships (2009) most gay men
and lesbian are in dual-earner relationships. Both partners are employed and
neither is the exclusive breadwinner. It also states that when same-sex couples
live together, the most common division of household work involves flexibility, with
partners sharing domestic activities or dividing asks according to personal
preferences. Although the equal sharing of household labor is not inevitable in
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same-sex couples, it is more common than among heterosexuals. Lesbians and
gay men generally favour power equality in their relationships. Not all couples
achieve that ideal. Research shows that most contemporary lesbians and gay
men avoid husband and wife roles, instead constructing a more egalitarian pattern
of shared responsibilities and decision making.
On the other hand Adam (2004) found that being monogamous contributes
either positively or negatively in the longevity of a relationship. Adam (2004) found
that only 25% of those interviewed values monogamous relationship. This is
because gay culture allows men to explore different forms of relationship. Thus,
the remaining significant percentage of gay couples disregards monogamy and
allows their partners to have an outside relationship. Such according to Adam
(2004) contributes to the longevity of the relationship.
In line with this, Blumstein and Schwartz (1983) provided a data on the
longevity of relationship in terms of duration. They followed a large sample of
lesbians, gay men and cohabiting heterosexual couples over an 18 month-period.
During the 18 month period less than one couple in five broke up. Break-ups were
rare among couples who had already been together for more than 10 years (6%
for lesbians and 4% for gay men). Among shorter term couples, lesbians had the
highest break up rate (about 20%), with roughly 10% of gay male couples and
14% of cohabiters breaking up.
While Rosenfeld (2014) proved in his study that there are several
significant differences between heterosexual and same-sex couples. Among those
significant differences, the most relevant of couple stability is the difference in
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marriage: 74.8 % of heterosexual couples were married or had marriage-like
relationships, compared to 35% of same sex couples who were in marriages or
marriage-like relationship. Heterosexual couples have longer relationship
longevity (18.7 years compared to 12.6 years) and a lower mean yearly break up
rate (4.9 % compared to 8.3%). The difference in break-up rate between
heterosexual couples and same-sex couples is explained by the higher rate of
marriage among heterosexual couples. Their findings suggest that equality is
valued and emphasized in homosexual couples, which also contributes positive
effects to the longevity and stability of a relationship.
On the other hand, Oswald (2008) discussed that among lesbians and gay
men who reported cohabiting with their same-sex partners, those who indicated
longer term relationship duration were more likely to have established structural
commitment by executing a legal tie with their partner. Among those participants
who reported legalizing their relationship, parents were more likely than were
nonparents to have established moral commitment by having a commitment
ceremony.
Furthermore, Kirkpatrick & Davis (2004) examined the impact of gender
roles on long-term relationship stability. They found that the gender roles that were
adopted had a direct impact on stability of the relationship, with traditional gender
roles indicative of stability. The stability of the relationship was measured by
assessing the level of satisfaction reported by each member of the couple along
with other measures of stability including attachment and length of the
relationship.
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While Burns & Ward (2005) examined men‘s conformity to masculine role
and relationship satisfaction. The more men conformed to traditional masculine
roles the lower the love los relationship satisfaction reported by both the men and
women in the relationship.
To support even further the previous study, Larzelere and Huston (1980)
found that trust between partners was associated with love, longevity and with
intimacy of self-disclosure. Their emphasis was on dyadic trust between intimates,
which they denned as the extent to which a person believes the other to be
benevolent and honest. The authors defined benevolence as the extent to which
an individual is genuinely interested in a partner's welfare and motivated to seek
maximum joint gain. Honesty is, likewise, understood as the extent to which an
individual's statements of future intentions are believable.
Intimate Satisfaction
According to Rathus, (2011) intimacy is an interactive process in which a
person feels understood, validated, and cared for as a result of partner‘s
response; it is the thing that makes people feels attached to achieve close
relationships. People often desire it but often fail to attain. He said that there are
four forms of intimacy, specifically: cognitive, emotional, sexual, and experiential.
Cognitive intimacy is when two people exchange thoughts, ideas, and opinions
comfortably. Emotional intimacy is when the couple shares their feelings to each
other. Sexual intimacy is more on sexual intercourse and has a broad range of
sensuous activity. Experiential intimacy is when people get together to actively

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involving themselves with each other with mutuality.
The sexual need and satisfaction of both people in a relationship are
important factors to maintain a stable-healthy relationship. In McWhirter and
Mattison‘s (1984) study of gay male couples, 83% reported having a satisfactory
sex life, 7% experiences very satisfactory and only 3% expresses dissatisfaction.
Such result indicates that sexual activity is an important factor in a homosexual
relationship just like heterosexual couples. But to explain clearly the sexual
perspective of homosexual relationships, researchers separated their gay-male
couples and lesbian-female couples. Furthermore, their detailed study of gay-
male couples found that their respondents who are in a 5 year relationship allow
their partners to have outside sexual relationship. This is because most
homosexual men understood sexual relations outside the relationship as a norm
and viewed exclusivity as act of oppression.
Furthermore, Deenen (1994) also found a significant association between
sexual frequency and satisfaction. Of course, these associations tell nothing about
the direction of causality. It seems likely that frequent sex can improve general
feelings of sexual satisfaction and also that sexual enjoyment can increase the
frequency of sexual encounters.
On the other hand, Blumstein and Schwartz (1983) found that lesbian-
female couples are quite different form gay-male couples. They opposed previous
studies that show both gay and lesbians expresses and experiences and
experiences sexual satisfaction. They focused on how lesbian-female couples
express their love, sexually. They observed that most lesbian-female do not
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emphasize genital activities, they prefer expressing themselves physically through
hugging, cuddling or kissing their partners. One speculation is that lesbian-female
relationships are under traditional socialization which represses women‘s sexual
expression but encourages men to be sexually active. They suggested that
lesbians are not comfortable in the role of sexual aggressor and it is a major
reason why they have sex less often than other kinds of couples. Another
possibility is based on the presumption that men are generally more interested in
sex than women. In this view, both lesbian and heterosexual women may
experience low sexual desire because of work pressures, the demands of raising
children, health issues, and so on.
Moreover Castleman (2009) cited in his article a more comprehensive
study of the differences between gay-male and lesbian-female couples and
heterosexual couples in terms of sexual satisfaction. Canadian psychologists
surveyed 423 people in couples, ages 18 to 53. The findings were intriguing. It
reported that sexual desire declines in long-term couples, but on the average,
men retain more desire that women, so it is expected that men in gay couples to
feel the most desire, and women in lesbian couples the least. In sexual
communication, similarity breeds comfort, so compared with those in heterosexual
couples, we would expect people in lesbian and gay couples to feel more satisfied
with their sexual communication.
On the contrary, the results of Harvey (2004) and Breyer‘s (2010) research
on the frequency of sex in gay-men couples and lesbian couples compared with
heterosexual couples reported that there are 22% more homosexual male couples
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who are together for two years or less have sex at least 3 times a week.
Compared to heterosexual and lesbian couples who have been together in two
years or less is less frequently to engage in sexual activity. Also results indicates
that gay-male couples are more sexually active that lesbian couples. This finding
also reflects the previous studies above.
However, both gay-male and lesbian-female couples value sex as an
important element in the relationship. Olderbek & Figueredo (2009) explained the
importance of sexual communication in couples who are satisfied in their
relationship is also a manifestation in connection to verbal communication. Sexual
communication and the resulting sexual intimacy between the couple can be
easily differentiate the unsatisfied from the satisfied ones. It was also found that
long-term relationship outcomes are strongly linked to communication.
In addition to this, the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships (2009) stated
that greater sexual satisfaction is usually associated with greater overall
relationship satisfaction. There is wide variability in sexual frequency and a
general decline in frequency the longer a couple is together. On average, lesbian
couples report having sex less often than either heterosexual or gay male
couples. Gay male couples in an early relationship, have sex more often than
other couples do. Others speculate that men are generally more interested in sex
than women, leading to more frequent sexual activity in a couple with at least one
male partner.
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Synthesis
The foregoing literature and studies are related to the focus on the study.
All authors forwarded they claim about the psychological and environmental
factors that made a person engage in a homosexual relationship and what makes
a homosexual relationship lasts.
Kurdek (1995, 1998, & 2000), Peplau and Spalding (2000), Dailey (1979),
and Roisman (2008), all have similar findings and statements about homosexual
relationships. They found a significant similarity between homosexual couples and
heterosexual couples. Like heterosexual couples, homosexual couples also
maintain and form committed romantic relationships. They also found that like
their heterosexual counterparts, homosexual couples‘ quarrels, and have frequent
misunderstandings. Homosexual couples are as committed and serious ass
heterosexual couples. Both aspire for love, recognition and respect.
Herek (2000), Kurdek (1998, 2009), Gottman (2003), Duffy and Rusbult
(1986), Rusbult, Johnson and Morrow (1968) and Encyclopedia of Human
Relationships (2009), found and stated that homosexual couples value equality in
the relationship. Homosexual couples divide chores equally and contribute to the
needs of each other. Lesbian and gays are involved in a dual-earner relationships,
which none in both partners are recognized as an exclusive breadwinner. Both
partners share domestic activities. Yet most importantly lesbian-female couples
and gay-men couples emphasize autonomy and egalitarianism in the relationship.
They reject husband-wife-dominant-submissive roles.
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Blumstein and Schwarts (1983), Rosenfeld (2014), Oswald (2008),
Kirkpatrick and Davis (2001) and Burns and Ward (2005), have all found similar
elements that contribute to the longevity of a relationship. Homosexual couples
who are together for more than 10 years are unlikely to break the relationship.
Lesbian-female and gay-male couples reported that gender-role is significant to
the duration of a relationship. But being legally unified under civil law is or can be
a huge factor for homosexual relationships to last a lifetime.
Balsam (2008), Rusbult (1980, 1983), Steinberg (2013), Peplau (2000) and
the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships (2009) concluded that all homosexual
relationships are satisfying, but it depends on certain factors and predictors. The
satisfaction experienced by both couples in the relationship is due to the equality
of both partners. In addition, the acceptance of the society can also contribute to
the satisfaction of couples in the relationship. Equal investments is also a
contributing factor to relationship satisfaction, this involves the reciprocity of
rewards in a relationship. Psychotherapy can help lesbian and gays to solve
relationship and self-conflicts which eventually results to relationship satisfaction.
McWhirker and Mattison (1984), Blumstein and Schwartz (1983),
Castleman (2009) and the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships found that
lesbian-female and gay-male couples differ in terms of physical expression and
sexual activity. The traditional society encourages men to be sexually active which
represses women‘s sexual expression. Interestingly, lesbians prefer non-genital
activities such as cuddling, hugging or kissing. Moreover, gay-men put emphasis
on sexual activities while lesbians are less likely so.
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CHAPTER III
RESEARCH METHODOLOGY
This chapter manifests the methods of research to be employed in the
study, which includes the research design, respondents of the study, research
instrument and its development and validation, and data gathering procedure.
Research Design
In accomplishing the study, the researchers utilized qualitative research
design using Phenomenological Approach.
Qualitative research design is especially effective in obtaining culturally
specific information about the values, opinions, behaviors, and social contexts of
particular populations. It is recommended to use a qualitative research design
because it has the ability to provide complex textual descriptions of how
individuals experience a given research issue. Furthermore, this research design
is also effective in identifying intangible factors, such as social norms,
socioeconomic status, gender roles, ethnicity, and religion.
The researchers used the phenomenological approach in gathering data.
This approach is used in gathering deep information and perceptions through
inductive, qualitative methods such as interviews, discussions, and participant‘s
observation and representing it from the perspective of the participants.
Phenomenological methods are particularly effective at bringing to the fore the
experiences and perceptions of individuals from their own perspectives, and
therefore at challenging structural or normative assumptions. (Lester, 1999)
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The phenomenological approach is the best approach that is really
applicable to the need of the researchers because they will need to gather data
about the perspectives of the gender queer about the sexual relationship and
romantic relationship of same-sex partners.
Respondents of the study
The respondents of the study are 8 gender queers, consisting of 2 lesbian
butches, 2 lesbian femmes, 2 gays and 2 bisexuals in selected area in Lipa City.
The respondents ages are 18 years and above, and are in a same-sex
relationship for about 1 year and above.
In terms of age, there are two respondents whose age belongs to age
bracket 18-23 years old. There are four respondents whose age belongs to age
bracket 24-29 years old. There is only one respondent whose age belongs to age
bracket 30-35 years old and also one respondent to age bracket 36-41 years old.
In terms of educational attainment, there is one respondent who is high
school undergraduate. High school graduate comprises two respondents. There
are two respondents who are still studying on their college level In addition to,
there are three respondents who graduated in their college level.
In terms of employment, all the lesbian respondents are employed. One of
the respondents is employed as a production staff in a company. The other one
respondent is employed as a barber. The two of the respondents are employed as
production operators in different companies. The two gay respondents are
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employed as hair and make-up artists in parlors in Lipa City. The two bisexuals
are still studying in tertiary level.
The method used in the study is the purposive sampling, which is a non-
probability sampling where the researcher consciously selects particular subjects
for addition in a study so as to make that the subject will have certain
characteristics pertinent to the study. It normally targets a particular group of
people. According to Godambe (2005), a purposive sampling can be used with a
number of techniques in data gathering. It is a non-random technique that does
not need underlying theories or a set number of informants. Simply put, the
researcher decides what needs to be known and set out to find people who can
and are willing to provide the information by virtue of knowledge or experience.
(Bernard, 2002 & Shep-pard, 2006)
Research Instrument
Interviews and a set of predetermined questionnaires was the instrument
from which the data about the perspective of the gender queer and their variation
in their perspectives were gathered. The said questionnaires were validated
through face validation by psychology experts. The interview allowed the
participants to generate discussion with minimum prompting, and a more rigid
approach using predetermined questions. An outline of issues for discussion was
prepared beforehand, but issues were not raised in the same way, or in the same
sequence, with each participant. Rather issues were introduced as naturally as
possible into a flow of conversation.
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Data Gathering Procedure
In order to gather information, the researchers visited libraries in different
schools. This is to read and search various relevant facts that are applicable in the
study.
In conducting this study, the researchers want to know the reasons and
factors that influenced our respondents to engage in homosexual relationship and
what makes them satisfied and happy in that form of relationship.
In order to find the appropriate respondents, the researchers went to
different places in Lipa City where the said respondents live. The researchers
sought the help and cooperation of informants who led them to the respondents.
The researchers prepared a set of interview questions regarding relationship the
nature of relationship of the gender - queer. The set of unstructured interview
questions was presented to the respondents through an in-depth interview.
After gathering the desired data, the researchers evaluated and analyzed it
to be able to understand and define gender – queer relationships. It is expected
that the study will provide new discoveries and answers to questions roaming in
our society regarding gender – queer relationships.
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CHAPTER IV
PRESENTATION, ANALYSIS, and INTERPRETATION of DATA
This chapter aims to discuss the perspectives of gender queer on the
intimate and romantic relationship. Data and information were gathered from
participants through an in-depth interview.
The researchers presented through discussion of code and themes. In
addition, descriptive or qualitative approach of research was used. Actual
responses by participants were also cited here within.
1. What is the perspective of gender queer about intimate satisfaction within

the relationship?
1. 1. Physical affection
Despite its connection with the intimate relationship, research on physical
affection is scarce and fails to separate private and public displays of affection. It
is important to examine both types if marginalized couples are less comfortable
displaying affection publicly. Couples in same-sex relationship explain how they
show and display affection with each other:--
“Ako kasi malambing akong tao, sa mga simpleng

sulat, sa mga simpleng pagpe-prepare ng food niya may
kasamang sulat…gustong gusto naman niya.”
-BRENDA (L)
“Syempre oo pero hindi naman ganun ka-vulgar

lalo na at maraming maraming tao pero pag yung mga
kakilala syempre okay lang na ipakita. “…kasi yung touch,
yung pag-kiss sa noo yung paglalambing kailangan yun
para mafeel niyong mahal niyo ang isa‟t-isa.”
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-JHELYN (L)
“… unang una pag umaga sa text or sa

tawag…naggu-good morning po agad mag-a-I love you,
„tas sa lahat po nang yun nga desisyon making, sa lahat po
ng gagawin ko sa ngayong araw, magpapaalam po ako
para alam din po niya at saka pag ano po pag naiinis po
siya yun nilalambing ko, sinusuyo, at saka di ko po
sinasabayan ng init ng ulo, as long as alam ko po na ako
yun may kasalanan, ako po yung unang nagso-sorry.”
-BM (G)
―…talagang gagawin ko ang lahat para sa kanya. I

will do my best na ipakita sa kanya in every way na kung
pano ko talaga siya mahal and oo hindi nasusukat ang
pagmamahal sa material na bagay but then nandun na e,
nandun na pinag-uusapan na dun yun kung ano ba ang
mga bagay na gagawin mo para sa kanya na hindi mo
nagagawa para sa iba.”
-SOMAR (G)
Same-sex couples tell that they do display their affection with each other
and they also implied that they are satisfied. They show it through their closeness
and efforts they do. They do it not too obvious and not too vulgar but enough to
show their love. The majority of their efforts to show how greatly their affection are
is by intangible things and physical acts such as giving messages, saying how
they feel with each other, kissing and they show it not by material things. Same-
sex couples may instead focus on other more subtle ways of expressing their love
and support for one another in public, such as a loving glance.
According to Berscheid and Reis (1998), they stated that intimacy has
been used variously to refer to feelings of closeness and affection between
interacting partners: the state of having revealed one‘s innermost thoughts and
feelings to another person: relatively intense forms of nonverbal engagement
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(notably, touch, eye contact, kiss, cuddling and close physical proximity: particular
types of relationships especially marriage); sexual activity; and stages of
psychological maturation.
1.2. Intimate behavior
The physical setting of an intimate interaction is important because the
experience of intimacy is likely enhanced by privacy, quiet, and a minimum of
interruptions whether people are talking about verbal or physical/sexual intimacy.
Openness within a meaningful relationship has been found to reduce stress,
enhance self-esteem and -respect, and reduce symptoms of physical and
psychological impairment.
The same-sex couples reflected on the meaning of intimate behavior in
their relationship that lasted for years. They shared thoughts and perception on
how they manage to show their intimate interactions to public:--
“Public na halimbawa kaharap lang yung friends,

hindi ko naman maitatago na hindi ko siya nilalambing pero
lambing na kami yung pinoprotektahan ko din siya yung
iginagagalang ko din siya pero hindi yung iniisip ng iba na
mga PDA mga ganun na kahit saan naglalampungan hindi
ganun...hindi sa ganung paraan pero pinapakita ko sa mga
friends ko na malambing ako sa kanya.”
-BRENDA (L)
“Hindi kasi kami, hindi PDA, nag-lalambing kami na

in a way na act in a professional way pero nag-lalambing
pero hindi yung masagwang tingnan pero malambing siya”
-NITOY (L)
“Para malaman nila na nagmamahalan kami sa isa‟t-isa.”

-TRICIA (G)
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“…iniisip pa din naming na kung anong magiging

tingin nila na in syempre hindi naman yung sobrang OA na
katulad nung ibang relasyon. Syempre kelangan may kung
kasi nasa samin yun kung pano namin kung pano gusto
naming irespeto yung sarili namin, kung paano namin
gustong irespeto kami ng ibang tao.”
-SOMAR (G)
The respondents admit that they do intimate behavior or intimate
interactions when they are in public places and they are not ashamed for it. In
addition, they implied that they are satisfied with their intimate behavior yet like
the previous findings the respondents have inhibitions in expressing it in public.
Based on the evidence, they rather express it privately.
As predicted, women in same-sex relationships displayed less public
affection than those in different-sex relationships, an effect mediated by general
societal marginalization. Both private and public affection predicted higher
relationship satisfaction. Generally, both lesbian and gay respondents implied that
they were satisfied.
Despite the widespread attention in the professional literature to studies of
intimate behavior, there has been little agreement about the meaning of intimacy
in human relations.
1. 3. Affection satisfaction
With the intimate satisfaction, affection plays a very important role to
determine the closeness and openness of both partners in same-sex relationship.
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Affection is shown by same-sex couples especially to show their intimate
attachment and satisfaction with each other: --
“Siguro kasi mas nafefeel ko yun kasi ako ay

malambing. Okay naman nasasatisfy naman ako.
-BRENDA (L)
“Hindi naman 100% pag minsan syempre nahihiya

yung tao...yung pagka kami lang… Masaya”
-ROWIE (L)
“Kuntento po in a way na…binibigay naman niya

yung pangangailangan ko, about dun sa intimate
relationship naming, nabibigay naman po niya…nabibigay
ko din naman, pero pag minsan po pag hindi eh yun
nirerespeto naman…na ano nire-respect ko naman po, nire-
respect din po niya ako, pag minsan ayoko…yun po
respetuhan na lang po kaming dalawa.”
-BM (G)
“Satisfied ako kasi gawa nang…gusto, ginusto ko eh.”

-TRICIA (G)
When respondents are being asked on the intimate satisfaction they had
with their partner, the majority of their answers are obviously showing satisfaction.
But in regards to this they experienced a minimal time to think before answering
the question. Through this couples come up with the mixed answers. Among the 8
gender queer respondents all lesbian in lesbian couples is perfectly satisfied, two
gays in the gay couple are satisfied too but the rest is satisfied but not so sure
about it.
Relationship satisfaction for individuals who desire more intimacy than their
partners may tend to be more associated with the direction, rather than the size,
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of the difference. Their affection satisfaction gives greatly contribution to take their
relationship be strong.
Furthermore, intimacy has been repeatedly associated with relationship
satisfaction for both men and women in heterosexual and same-sex relationships
(Eldridge & Gilbert, 1990; Kurdek, 1998; Greeff & Malherbe, 2001; Patrick, Sells,
Giordano, & Tollerud, 2007).
. Reis and Shaver describe intimacy as ―an interpersonal process within
which two interaction partners experience and express feelings, communicate
verbally and nonverbally, satisfy social motives, augment or reduce social fears,
talk and learn about themselves and their unique characteristics, and become
‗close‘‖ (1988, p. 387).
Acitelli, Kenny, and Weiner (2001) reported that partner similarity in ideals
was negatively correlated with frequency of conflict and tension in the relationship.
These ideals included things such as talking about important issues, doing things
together, being sexually satisfied, and showing affection, which may be closely
related to some of the types of intimacy.
1. 4. Intimacy as a requirement
Long term and real relationship for people who are same sex are
surprisingly arising nowadays. Notwithstanding about the criticism of the society,
gender queer still involve in a long term and real relationship. Intimacy is a factor
too to last one‘s association either heterosexual or homosexual relationship.
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Among the answers of the respondents, some are presented to reflect how
intimacy for gender queer is a prerequisite for a long term and real relationship:--
“Feeling ko naman oo kasi imposibleng ganun

katagal hindi nyo nafefeel yung mga ganung bagay.”
-BRENDA (L)
“Oo naman syempre. Kasama dun yun sa

pakikipagrelasyon mo, mahalaga yun.”
-ROWIE (L)
“For me ano ah, depende…halimbawa ano one

month ganun, hindi po siya talagang kailangang ibigay niyo
na po yung sex na hinihingi niya, hindi niyo naman po
kailangang ibigay kaagad, kasi unang-una babago pa lang
po kayo, pag nagtagal…hindi naman po kasi kailangan na,
magtagal kayo dahil lamang po dun sa sex, kailangan po
magtagal po muna kayo dahil mahal niyo ang isa‟t-isa bago
niyo gawin yung sex na yun.”
-BM (G)
“Kasi syempre, ahm syempre sabihin na naming

nasa hindi kami normal na relationship, ahm, sa sex talaga
dun mapapatunayan kung gaano mo kamahal ang isang
tao. Ako kasi, first ko siya. First boyfriend and first sex so ah
yun talagang dun nasusukat yung ano talaga yung mga
bagay na hand mong ibigay sa kanya and nadun na yung
tiwala, yung respeto. Oo nga ah we‟re not talaga in a
normal relationship pero talagang sex is a matter of fact na
talagang kailangan siya ng relasyon, syempre it‟s body to
body, and yung fluids. Yun lahat lahat na and yun.”
-SOMAR (G)
In same-sex couples, intimacy has been reported to be the most important
factor in stopping partners from ending their relationships (Kurdek, 2006). Many
lesbians and gay men create satisfying, long-lasting relationships, even in the
face of societal prejudice and discrimination.
To understand longevity of same-sex relationships, it is helpful to consider
factors affecting partners' commitment to their relationship. First, positive
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attractions such as love and intimacy make individuals want to maintain a
relationship. Second, the availability of attractive alternatives to the current
relationship, including other possible partners or the prospect of being alone,
reduces commitment. Third, barriers to leaving a relationship are important.
Barriers include investments that increase the emotional or financial costs of
ending a relationship, as well as moral or religious feelings of obligation to one's
partner. Research shows that these same factors affect commitment in both
same-sex and heterosexual relationships. One difference is noteworthy, however.
Gay and lesbian couples consistently report fewer barriers to ending a relationship
than do heterosexual married couples.
2. What is the perspective of gender queer about romantic relationship in

terms of:
2. 1. COMMITMENT
Commitment refers to the couple‘s efforts to strengthen their relationship.
In addition, it refers to the activities of the couple to show their support and value
in the relationship. Furthermore, commitment pertains to the attitude of the
couples towards their relationship.
2. 1. A. Contentment
Contentment is the overall subjective feeling of happiness and satisfaction
in the relationship. Based on the evidence gathered, the respondent felt that they
are satisfied with the kind of relationship they have at the present. The satisfaction
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of the respondents to their relationship is can be felt through the way other people
accepted their relationship; the way of communicating with their partners; the
similar values they shared with their partners; the secrets and promises being told
to their partners and most importantly is the feeling of being secured every time
that the respondents are with their partner:--
“ Siguro at this point of time masaya kami, kahit kami

nagkakaroon ng problema and… kasi first boyfriend ko siya
and talagang pinagusapan namin na ito na to, wala na tong
bawian, yung parang we will do our best na ipaglaban kung
anong meroon kami kasi ang dami na po naming naipaglaban”
-SOMAR (G)
“Sa ngayon po nakakafeel ako na masaya ako..kuntento

ako.. yun yung reason ko kung bakit gusto ko na siyang
makasama habang buhay .”
-BRENDA (L)
“Kasi tumagal kami ng 5 years and 9 months na wala

kaming..hindi kami nag-aaway, napapagkasunduan naming
lahat, ginagalang namin yung isa‟t-isa at saka masaya kami.
Yung gusto ko nabibigay niya, masaya araw-araw.”
-NITOY (L)
Most of the respondents stated that they are contented with their
relationship. According to their statements, the respondents are contented with
their partner and they cannot imagine their selves marrying another man/woman
and have a baby. The respondents indicated that they are contented that‘s why
their relationship becomes a long term. In addition, being contented implies a
happy and harmonious relationship between the gender – queers and their
partners.
Kintanar (2013) stated that Filipino gay men and lesbian women form
committed relationships. They are satisfied with their relationships and at least
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equal to that reported by heterosexual men and women who are in romantic
relationships.
Generally speaking, very few differences are seen in relationship
satisfaction among individuals in same-sex relationships as compared to
heterosexual partners (Duffy & Rusbult, 1985; Kurdek, 1998; Kurdek, 2001;
Mackey, Diemer, & O‘Brien, 2004; Peplau & Fingerhut, 2007). The majority of
individuals in long-standing same-sex relationships generally report high rates of
relationship satisfaction (MacIntosh et al., 2010; Mackey etal., 2004; Quam,
Whitford, Dziengel, & Knochel, 2010). In addition, lesbian women and gay men
differ little in terms of their relationship satisfaction (Kurdek, 1991). Variables of
general couple functioning, such as communication, intimacy, trust, and conflict
resolution strategies, and variables specific to the social reality of same-sex
couples, such as sexualidentity and stigma perception (e.g., Kurdek, 1998;
Kurdek, 1994; Mohr & Fassinger, 2006;Peplau & Fingerhut, 2007), contribute to
relationship satisfaction in those individuals.
Balsam (2008) stated that same-sex couples, regardless of civil union
status, were more satisfied with their relationships compared to married
heterosexual couples. Same-sex couples reported more positive feelings toward
their partners and less conflict than heterosexual married couples, said the
authors. They theorized that there may be societal pressures and norms, as well
as the presence of legal status as a couple, which may contribute to heterosexual
couples staying together even when they are not happy. Alternatively, most long-
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term same-sex couples have to stay together by their own will and hard work
since they don't have society's forces on their side,
2. 1. B. Dependency
Dependency means both the same-sex has equal dependency with the
partner. Based on the data gathered, the respondents and their partners are
mutually dependent with each other in terms of decision making, and sometimes
in financial matters. The respondents have dependency with their partner. They
give and take for the betterment of their relationship:--
“Sa tagal kasi ng aming pagsasama kalimitan wala

akong trabaho syempre dumedepende lang ako sa kanya pero
kapag may trabaho naman ako tinitulungan ko siya para
makabawi naman ako sa pagiging dependent sa kanya”
-JHELYN (L)
“Hindi pwedeng pag may gusto kang gawin, gagawin mo

na kaagad..kailangan..hindi naman ipagpapaalam pero
sinasabi ko rin sa kaniya na kung” ano yun pwede ba yung
ganito” pagka sinabi niya “oo okay naman” pag sinabi niya
:hindi pwede” iisip nang iba.”
-NITOY (L)
“In terms of decision making, hinihingi ko pa rin ang

opinyon niya. Hindi pa rin ako magdedecide ng akin lang, hindi
parin siya magdedecide ng kaniya lang parekas pa rin kami
humihingi kami ng opinyon sa isa‟t-isa.”
-BRENDA (L)
Most of the respondents stated that they are dependent with their partner in
terms of decision making. According to their statements, they ask for the approval
of their partner before doing anything. Their partners do the same thing before
doing anything. The respondents do it as a sign of respect for their partner and
respect for their relationship also. Furthermore, dependency contributes to a long-
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term committed relationship. As stated by the respondents, being dependent with
each other is a sign of a loving and healthy relationship. The expression of one
another as being dependent contributes to the romance in the relationship.
According to the Encyclopedia of Human Relationships (2009), research
shows that most contemporary lesbians and gay men avoid husband and wife
roles, instead constructing a more egalitarian pattern of shared responsibilities
and decision making.
Furthermore, Solomon et a1. (2005) examined the division of household
tasks and finances among same-sex couples who had civil unions in Vermont,
their coupled same-sex friends who had not had civil unions, and married
heterosexual siblings and spouses. Compared with lesbian and gay male couples
(whether or not they were in civil unions), married heterosexuals had a more
traditional, gendered division of household tasks and finances (women did the
housework and men paid for mere items). In addition to this, Kurdek (1993) stated
that lesbian couples tend to share tasks, and both lesbian and gay male couples
divided tasks so that each partner performed an equal number or tasks.
2. 1. C. Active listening
The respondents stated that communication requires active listening when
conversing with their partners. The respondents feel important and valued
because they see and feel that their partners listen to them attentively:--
“sa isang magkarelasyon pag pinapakinggan ka

or pinapakinggan niyo yung side ng isa‟t-isa diba ang
saya.‖
–BRENDA (L)
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“ramdam mo din na pangit sa sarili mo na.. alam

mo sa sarili mo na ano hindi siya nakikinig,”
–BM (G)
The respondents knew that their partners are actively listening to them
because they see how their partner‘s effort to be able to listen and to give
feedback and show that they are understood. Such efforts are, for example
abruptly stopping from work or displays total silence when their partners want to
listen to them.
Popular and scientific conceptions of couples‘ communication often note
the importance of listening and understanding. Gottman and Silver (1999) often
stressed the importance of ‗‗active listening‘‘. Based on the behavioral data and
the theoretical conceptualization of understanding, this construct seems to consist
of two main parts: attentive listening (e.g., paying attention, showing interest in the
conversation) and comprehension (e.g., understanding what the event is).
2. 1. D. Loyalty
One of the perceived reasons behind the committed same-sex
relationships is the loyalty. Loyalty refers to the faithfulness of the couples to each
other and to their relationship:--
―… di ko na naiisip na mag-asawa pa, kasi gusto ko na

siya na lang habambuhay.‖
–JHELYN (L)
―… kuntento ako kung anong maroon ako ngayon…‖
–BRENDA (L)
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―… kasi first boyfriend ko siya and talagang
pinagusapan namin na ito na „to , wala na „tong
bawian…‖
–SOMAR (G)
Based on the evidence, the respondents are very loyal to their partners.
Most of the respondents implied that they don‘t see themselves with anyone
rather they are with their current partners for a long period of time. The evidences
imply that the respondents are full of faith towards their partners. The
respondents tend to be monogamous in their relationship especially the lesbian
respondents.
On the other hand, Kurdek (1988b) recruited 74 gay male and 47 lesbian
couples via ads in LGB periodicals and snowball sampling. All lesbian couples
were monogamous whereas about half the gay male couples were not. There
were no demographic differences between monogamous and non-lllonogamous
gay male couples except that the non-monogamous couples had lived together
longer. Blasband and Peplau (1985) surveyed 17 monogamous and 23 non-
monogamous gay male couples. The couples did not differ on any variable,
including relationship satisfaction. However, Peplau et a1. (1997) did find that
non-monogamy was correlated with relationship dissatisfaction among both
African American lesbians and gay men. Although non-monogamy is much less
common among lesbians than among gay men, there has been little focus on
"polyamory" or non-monogamy among lesbians (Munson & Stelboum, 1999).
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2.2. Equality
Equality refers to the couple‘s respect with each other and to the roles they
play in the relationship. It pertains to the presence of equal and balance power
and influence in a relationship.
2. 2. A. Egalitarian approach
The respondents value equality and balance in their relationship. Based on
the evidence, the respondents exhibit equality in all aspects of their relationship.
The egalitarian approach is expressed through respect each other‘s opinion and
preferences; having compatible financial values; negotiating conflicts and
differences; and mutual disclosure:--
―Yung respect kailangan bago ka

magdecide hininihingi naming parehas yung
opinion ng bawat isa.‖
– NITOY (L)
―noong nagsimula palang yung relationship

namin napagusapan naming na halimbawa eh
walang pera yung isa, yung isa yung gagastos. As
sa partner ko naman, I see to it na halimbawa na
kumakain pa siya, ako yung nagastos ng mga
pangunahing pangangailangan niya. And pag
nalabas kami, minsan siya naman yung taya.‖
–SOMAR (G)
―mabubuong desisyon kailangan talaga

pag-usapang mabuti tapos ibalanse.‖
–JAJA (G)
“yung nga problema niya sa family niya

kinukwento niya sa akin tapos ako din ganun din.”
–ROWIE (L)
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Most of the respondents indicated that they express equality in the majority
of their actions and decisions. According to the statements, the respondent
description of their relationship is like of an equal exchange between them and
their partners. This implies that the respondents view that relationships should
have the presence of equality and balance, which is one of the predictors of a
long term relationship.
Green (1975) consistently found that same-sex couples tend to be much
more egalitarian in their relationships. They share decision-making more equally,
finances more equally, housework more equally, childcare more equally. Basically
in every dimension they looked at, same-sex couples are dramatically more equal
in the way they function together as a couple compared to heterosexual couples.
Furthermore, to Komarovsky (1962) couples, who experience mutuality,
are more likely to to have high levels of disclosure. Moreover, Greene, Derlega
and Mathews (2006) stated that self-disclosure has an important in the
development of intimacy in romantic relationships.
In addition, Kurdek (1993) studied the allocation of household tasks in
lesbian, gay male, and heterosexual married couples. Lesbian couples tended to
share tasks, and both lesbian and gay male couples divided tasks so that each
partner performed an equal number or tasks. In married heterosexual couples,
women did the majority of household tasks. Moreover, In an early study, 92% of
gay men and 97% of lesbians defined the ideal balance of power as one in which
both partners were ―exactly equal‖ (Peplau & Cochran 1980)
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2. 2. B. Mutual trust
According to the evidence gathered, the respondents indicated that mutual
trust is an important factor in a relationship. Mutual trust refers to the couple‘s
confidence to each other and being dependable and reliable. Moreover, mutual
trust refers to the confidence of the respondents to disclose personal information
about them:--
―sobrang open namin sa isa‟t isa yung

tipong lahat talaga… yung kulang pa yung isang
araw para makapagusap kami, talagang
yung..kung nasasaktan kami sasabihin naming sa
isa‟t-isa…‖
–SOMAR (G)
―kapag may problema kailangan pag-

usapan namin syempre kahit hindi..malay mo
magpatulong ako sa kaniya then siya din sakin
ganun vice versa.‖
–JAJA (G)
―Wala akong naiilihim (sa kanya), lahat

sinasabi ko.‖
–NITOY (L)
Based on the statements from the respondents, trust is exhibited in many
ways. Mutual trust is expressed first when they disclose to their partners. The
respondents share personal and private information about themselves without
hesitation or fear of rejection. Second, they show trust in making decisions. The
respondent sees their partners as dependable when it comes to finalizing
decisions that will affect the relationship significantly. Lastly, mutual respect is
expressed in being reliable. The couples see to it that their partners can rely on
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them. The gender-queer couples perceive mutual trust as a significant aspect of
any relationship. With that mutual trust implies the presence of equality in the
gender – queer relationships.
Larzelere and Huston (1980) found that trust between partners was
associated with love and with intimacy of self-disclosure. Their emphasis was on
dyadic trust between intimates, which they denned as the extent to which a
person believes the other to be benevolent and honest. The authors defined
benevolence as the extent to which an individual is genuinely interested in a
partner's welfare and motivated to seek maximum joint gain. Honesty is, likewise,
understood as the extent to which an individual's statements of future intentions
are believable.
2. 2. C. Power sharing
The respondents see that power sharing is a significant aspect of their
relationship. Power sharing refers to who in the relationship has more to say, who
initiates and decides (e.g. who will pay for the food/clothing, decision-making,
dating) and who had the final say about the things that they do together:--
“Talagang iniisip naming yung katayuan

naming sa buhay, ako bilang dancer iisipin niya
na pag ako may practice ako, it means na pagod
ako so iintindihin niya yun.‖
–SOMAR (G)
―Syempre kukunsultahin muna namin yung

desisyon namin sa isa‟t- isa.. ako tinatanong nya
ako sya tinatanong ko rin.‖
–JHELYN (L)
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―Every time na may free time kami di

pwedeng iseset aside lang siya.. gagawa pa ako
ng ibang bagay.. basta free sa kanya siya muna
bago yung iba bago yung ibang bagay.‖
–BRENDA (L)
Based on the evidences gathered, most of the respondents indicated that
power sharing is initiated on equal terms. The respondents see to it that they
practice equality in all aspects of their relationship. Power sharing is expressed in
the statements of most of the respondents. The statements imply power sharing in
decision making and dealing with one‘s partners availability. In addition, power
sharing is also observed in the similarity of the couples with each other. According
to the evidences, similarity is exhibited in their decisions, interests and opinions
on various topics. The respondents mostly do activities that them and their
partners both enjoy and interested at. Furthermore, the respondents have similar
emotions expressed when they discuss an issue related to their relationship.
In other studies regarding power sharing, Reilly and Lynch (1990) asked
lesbian and gay male couples on who has more power in their relationship. The
findings were divided in to two, the other half of the respondents reported that
power sharing in their relationship is relatively equal, and while the other half
indicated that power sharing has nothing to do in the quality of their relationship.
Reilly and Lynch (1990) therefore concluded that power sharing in a relationship
is not attributable to income, education or asset difference between partner in
support with this, a study found that satisfaction is higher when partners are
equally involved in or committed to a relationship (Peplau, 1982).
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On the other hand, Blumstein and Schwartz (1983) found that the partner
who earns a higher income has more power relative to their partner, except in
lesbian couples where relative income does not affect power.
While Gottman (2003) stated that same-sex couples show more affection,
listen better, and take more turns talking. Same-sex partners are less accusatory
and deploy more humour in their disagreements. There‘s less belligerence, less
domineering, less fear, less whining. Such implies that power is also related and
expressed in understanding and accommodation in relationships.
For Knudson-Martin (2009), the mutuality of influence that is so central to
equality hinges on reciprocal engagement. In her studies of the process, she has
found that each partner, by being aware of and interested in the needs of the
other, allows the other to feel not only important but supported in the relationship.
In addition, Gonzaga, Campos, and Bradbury (2007) argued that couples
with similar personalities tend to share similar emotional experiences, resulting in
a positive association between personality similarity and relationship satisfaction.
When partners converged in personality and emotional experience over time, the
convergence related to better relationship functioning.
3. How do the gender queer vary in terms of their perspective?
3.1 Selective disclosure
The genders-queer couples vary in perspective in terms of self-disclosure.
This refers to the respondent‘s confidence to divulge or share personal
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information about them. According to the analysis of data, the gender-queer have
different approaches and ways in self-disclosing:--
Lesbian Respondents:
―Kasi kapag may tinatago ka ang hirap

gumalaw e kung baga kahit anong kilos alam mong
hindi
ka pagdududahan kasi kumbaga walang doubt sa
lahat kasi wala kang tinatago .‖
–NITOY
―…kasi sa isang relasyon kung talagang

may sikreto ka talagang ang kauna-unahang
mong pagsasabihan is yung partner mo…‖
–BRENDA
Gay Respondents:
―…noong unang araw na nagsasabi siya

ng sikreto na hindi ko matanggap ksi parang
medyo level of confidentiality rin yun…‖
–SOMAR
―hindi naman po talagang open na open

„yun, siguro may natira pa rin po sa, sa puso ko
or sa sarili ko na akin po yun, na privacy ko po
yun…‖
– BM
The evidence implies that the lesbian and gay respondents differ in their
views when it comes to disclosure. The gay respondents value their personal
privacy, for they think that it serves as a security in a way that they fear that their
partners may be hostile and indifferent towards them if they disclose too much.
The gay respondents select what should and should not divulge to their partners,
which further implies a self-serving benefit. On the other hand, lesbian
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respondents have confidence and trust to their partners. The lesbian respondents
disclose confidently without feelings of being rejected by their partners.
In addition, Interpersonal reasons for not disclosing include fear of losing
the relationship or deeming the information irrelevant to the particular relationship.
Situational reasons for not disclosing include the person being unavailable, a lack
of time to fully discuss the information, or the lack of a suitable (i.e., quiet, private)
place to talk.
In support with this, Greene, Derlega and Mathews (2006) Social
penetration theory compares the process of self-disclosure to peeling back the
layers of an onion. The theory also argues that people in a relationship balance
needs that are sometimes in tension, which is dialectic. Balancing dialectic is like
walking a tightrope. You have to lean to one side and eventually lead to another
side to keep yourself balanced and prevent falling. The constant back and forth
allows you to stay balanced, even though you may not always be even, or
standing straight up. One of the key dialectics that must be negotiated is the
tension between openness and closedness.
3. 2. Financial influence
The gender-queer vary in terms of financial influence. Financial influence
refers to the respondent‘s ways on spending money for their partners and who
contribute more financially whether both in the relationship are employed or
financially stable. Based on the analysis, the respondents have different views:--
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―…hindi naman isyu sa amin kung
sino yung nakapagbibigay..sino yung tumatanggap..
at ang para sa amin para sa amin..equal lang..‖
–BRENDA
―…pag sumuweldo kami wala na

kaming kwentahan…‖
–NITOY
Gay Respondents:
―…. Sa kanya naman po suportado ko po siya,

in terms of our relationship.”
–SOMAR
“Siya, siya lagi (ang gumagastos), sa

gasoline, sa pagkain ganun.”
–BM
Based on the evidences gathered, the gay respondents exert more effort
financially. The gay respondents exercise a high degree of influence to their
partners when it comes to who will spend more money in the relationship.
Furthermore, they are more caring and loving; this is because most of them play
the role of the authority in the relationship. On the contrary, the lesbian
respondents are more likely to influence each other on equal terms when it comes
to money matters. They tend to be more cooperative when it comes to finance.
Moreover, the lesbian respondents are more egalitarian and don‘t take any role in
the relationship. Turn-taking is a more common pattern in lesbian relationships.
According to ethnographic studies of lesbian communities in California
(Wolf, 1979) and Oregon (Barnhart, 1975) have found that many lesbians desire
power equality and reject the idea of one partner being dominant. This emphasis
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on egalitarianism is often linked to a more general endorsement of feminist
values. They predicted that most lesbians in the sample would want equal power,
and that satisfaction would be higher in relationships that perceived as achieving
this equal-power goal.
3.3 Personal autonomy
The respondents vary in terms of personal autonomy. It concerns the
boundaries that exist between an individual and his or her partner. Personal
autonomy emphasizes the importance of having separate interests and friendship
apart from primary relationship:--
“Halimbawa may..kasi ngayon magkaibang

department kami halimbawa may lakad yung ibang
mga friends ko kung hindi siya sasama hindi na lang
din ako sasama..siya ganun din.”
–NITOY
―pag may free kaming time syempre gusto
naming magkasama kami o kaya nagbobonding
kaming dalawa.‖
–JHELYN
Gay Respondent:
―…Ako bilang dancer… iisipin niya na pag ako

may practice ako, it means na pagod ako so
iintindihin nya yun, and sa partner naman niya bilang
isang journalist, iintindihin ko yun na busy siya…‖
–SOMAR
According to the evidence gathered, there are two separate themes. The
lesbian respondents value a high degree of togetherness while the gay

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respondents prefer high levels of independence and togetherness. On the lesbian
perspective, the respondents tend to be together more often. It is observed that
they disregard activities with close friends and prefer spending time with their
partners. In contrast, gay respondents prefer at some moments to be away with
their partners for they acknowledge the availability of their partners and sense of
independence from them.
Research has shown that these same two value themes are relevant to the
experiences of lesbians, gay men, and heterosexuals. In all samples, the two
measures are independent—not polar opposites. Some individuals may want to
combine a high degree of togetherness with a high level of independence; others
prefer a high degree of togetherness and low independence, and so on. (Peplau,
1991)
In addition Peplau and Cochran (1980) found that personal autonomy
values of having a life apart from one's primary intimate relationship. Included
were statements about the importance of having separate careers, interests,
friends, and sexual partners outside the relationship. Within the primary
relationship, emphasis was given to equal sharing in power and financial
responsibilities. These later items concerning equality may seem less intrinsic to
the abstract concept of autonomy but have appeared as part of this factor in both
the gay men's sample and the earlier lesbian sample. In both samples individuals
who valued independence outside their relationship also valued equality within
their relationship. The emergence of two orthogonal factors corresponding to
attachment and autonomy provides empirical support for the theoretical view
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(Hess & Handel, 1959; Raush, 1977) that attachment and autonomy are
independent dimensions, not polar opposites. This may suggest that high-
autonomy men value having outside interests in addition to an intimate
relationship, not as a substitute for it. Autonomy values were not consistently
associated with a willingness to sacrifice individual educational or work plans for
the sake of a relationship, nor were they associated with a readiness to sacrifice a
relationship for personal goals.
3.4 Sexual expression
The respondents‘ perspectives vary in terms of sexual expression. Sexual
expression refers to the emphasis of physical expression and intimacy in a
relationship:--
―…hindi naman yun sa pagkakaroon ng sex

kasi yung paglalambing niyo sa isa‟t-isa yung touch
nyo..kiss.. okay na yun para mapatunayan niyo na
mahal niyo ang isang tao…‖
–JHELYN
“Kung may respect ka sa partner dun sa
karelasyon mo even without sex kaya niyong mahalin
yung isa‟t-isa.‖
–NITOY
Gay Respondents:
―kailangan talaga..kasi ang babae‟t lalaki nga

kailangan yun e bakla at lalaki pa kaya. Para kasing
ano hindi masusukat ng hug or ng kiss or ng kahit
anong bagay yung sex kasi nakuha mo dun yung
satisfaction e na hindi mo makukuha sa babae lalo‟t
bading ako.‖
–JAJA
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LIPA CITY COLLEGES
―sex is a basic need of person, syempre

napag-usapan din naman naming na “why not”…‖
–SOMAR
Based from the statements and evidence gathered, it is clear that most gay
respondents emphasize sex in their relationship than lesbian respondents. The
gay respondents value sexual expression, they stated that sex is significant, a
need and a major pillar in any relationship.
On the other hand, the lesbian respondents regarded the sexual
expression as insignificant. The reason behind this is that most of them are
satisfied with their relationships without the involvement of sex or any intimate
expression.
Blumstein and Schwartz (1983) speculated about the possible importance
of traditional socialization that represses women's sexual expression but
encourages men to be sexually active, the possibility that women may put more
emphasis on non-genital activities such as hugging and cuddling, or possible
problems that lesbians may have with initiating sex. Blumstein and Schwartz also
reported an interesting pattern of sexual frequency for gay men. For the first
several years of a relationship, gay men had sex with their primary partner more
often than heterosexuals did, but later on gay male couples showed a reversed
pattern of lower sexual frequency than heterosexuals. In many gay couples, sex
with men outside the relationship compensated for the declining frequency of sex
with the primary partner.
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
In addition, Gagnon and Simon (1973) first articulated the opposite view,
that it is one's socialization as male or female that most profoundly structures
one's life experiences. Gagnon and Simon contended that the "female
homosexual follows conventional feminine patterns in developing her commitment
to sexuality and in conducting not only her sexual career but her nonsexual career
as well". Focusing on sexuality, they suggested that lesbian sexuality would tend
"to resemble closely" that of heterosexual women, and to differ radically from the
sexual activity patterns of both heterosexual men and gay men. Current research
clearly supports this assertion.
3.5 Perceived doubt in relationship
The respondents‘ perspectives vary in terms of ―perceived doubt in
relationship‖. Perceived doubt in relationship refers to the feeling or intuition that
the couples‘ relationship won‘t last. It pertains to the dissolution of the relationship
because of the doubt of an individual towards his/her relationship. Such doubt can
be brought by social factors, which includes discrimination and judgment to same-
sex relationships:--
Lesbian respondents:
―…hindi ko na naiimagine na ang sarili

ko na kasama ng iba…‖
–JHELYN
―…hindi ko naiisip na maghihiwalay kami,

kasi kuntento nga po ako.‖
–BRENDA
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LIPA CITY COLLEGES
Gay respondents:
―…hindi ko po masisigurado na
habambuhay po kami…‖
–BM
―…kasi naniniwala ako na hindi kami

magtatagal then siya ganoon din.‖
–JAJA
According to the analysis of statements of the respondents, most gay
respondents have doubt in their relationship. The gay respondents believe that
their relationship won‘t last because of various reasons. One of the reasons is that
gay relationships are frequently perceived as immoral and abnormal by the
society, specifically the church. The gay respondents believe that this social
stigma on same-sex relationships will stop them from continuing their relationship.
While lesbian respondents believe that their relationship will last longer. The
reason behind this is that most of them are totally carefree about what the society
thinks. The lesbian respondents are more determined to continue their
relationship no matter what consequences they might face.
Furthermore, same-sex couples may make fewer relationship-specific
investments because of the social stigma associated with homosexuality.
Lehmiller and Agnew‘s research on social marginalization shows that members of
marginalized couples invest less in the relationship than do those in non-
marginalized relationships (Lehmiller & Agnew, 2006; Lehmiller & Agnew, 2007).
Marginalized couples may prefer to keep their relationship secret or less visible to
avoid unpleasant experiences with disapproving friends, family, or strangers.

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LIPA CITY COLLEGES
Lehmiller and Agnew (2006) argue that it is difficult to make relationship-specific
investments while simultaneously maintaining a low visibility for one‘s relationship.
4. What implications can be derived from the study regarding the

relationships of the gender queer?
Many couples use physical affection to comfort their partner and show their
love. However, same-sex couples may limit their public displays of affection if
they feel a looming sense of social disapproval of their relationship. As a result,
they may not reap as many of the relationship enhancing benefits stemming from
physical affection.
Perceptions of the gender queers in the same-sex couples are presented
to reflect their opinions about societies view to them:--
“Kung ayaw nila e bahala sila. Okay lang sa akin kung

ayaw nila e anong magagawa ko may kaniya kaniya tayong
paniniwala . Wala naman bahala sila bahala ako sa sarili ko.”
-ROWIE (L)
“So kung ano man ang opinyon nila bahala sila , kung
ano man ang opinyon nila tungkol sa ganun igagalang na lang
namin kasi nandito kami sa relationship na ito tinanggap
namin yung ganito..yung wala kaming doubt wala kaming
hesitates sa mga ginagawa namin…open kami.”
-BRENDA (L)
“Yung tao kasi iba‟t-iba yan e so iba‟t-iba din ang

opinyon nila sa lahat may positive man o negative yung
opinyon nila sa relationship namin. Positive, edi thank you
kung negative edi di na lang namin pinapansin kasi opinyon
nila yun e. Tingin ko sa ibang tao, kasi di mo maiiwasan na
may maeencounter ka na tao na hindi gusto ang relationship
namin.”
-NITOY (L)
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
“Syempre hindi naman maiiwasan yung maraming
manghuhusga kasi di tanggap ng publiko pero para sa amin
tama yung nararamdaman namin kasi mahal namin ang isa‟t –
isa.
-JHELYN (L)
“Edi kung anong iniisip nila edi thank you tanggapin

kung ano kasi nasa free country naman tayo although
nakakasakit …try to understand.”
-JAJA (G)
“Kasi syempre, ahm syempre sabihin na naming nasa

hindi kami normal na relationship. Syempre, ah nadun na yung
dapat , ah kasi lagi nilang sinasabe, ang babae para sa lalake,
ang lalake ay para sa babae…madaming against samen kasi
nakikita namin na nakikita nilang masaya kami na legal kami
na talagang kumbaga hindi nga normal yung relationship
namin, nagagawa naming yung normal.”
-SOMAR (G)
“Solusyon po naming siguro…ang gusto kong marinig

sa tao, paggalang na lang po or respeto para po sa amin.”
-BM (G)
“…yun iba nga lang tao, parang ayaw sa amin

siyempre, kasi bakla ako siya‟y lalaki, parang hindi bagay
tignan, parang ganoon, yun. Siyempre minsan nagagalit…
nagtatanim ng sama ng loob sa kanila kasi porket bakla wala
na kaagad karapatang magmahal.”
-TRICIA (G)
The feeling of being criticize is always made the gender queer in the same-
sex couples very intimidating. Making them feel the stigma and the center of
stereotyping. This is the result of social refusal or social disapproval where same-
sex couples could not show their relationship to public. Social disapproval has
also predicted poorer relationship quality among same-sex and other marginalized
couples.
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
Individuals in same-sex relationships also tend to report struggles relating
to stigma, such as experiencing greater devaluation of intimacy and more barriers
to pursuing or achieving intimacy (Frost, 2011).
Lehmiller and Agnew‘s (2007) conclusions about societal versus
friend/family marginalization. Thus, although same-sex couples are likely to
experience greater marginalization from both the larger society and from close
others, it is possible that the latter may be more involved in lowering relationship
satisfaction. Haas and Stafford (1998) believe that same-sex couples develop
unique relationship maintenance behaviors as a way of compensating for the lack
of widespread social acceptance.
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LIPA CITY COLLEGES
CHAPTER V
SUMMARY of FINDINGS, CONCLUSIONS and RECOMMENDATIONS
This chapter presents the summary, findings revealed in the study,
conclusions and recommendations based on the gathered data, analyzed and
interpreted.
Summary
The study focused on the romantic and intimate relationships focusing on
gender – queer perspective, in selected areas in Lipa City.
To find the answers to the foregoing problem, the researchers used a
phenomenological approach and utilized a self-made questionnaire as the main
data gathering instrument. This questionnaire was validated and utilized to 8
gender-queer individuals, comprising of 4 gays and 4 lesbians who are in a
current relationship.
The data gathered were transcribed and analyzed to create an applicable
code and theme for each category.
Summary of Findings
After the information gathering, the researchers showed the following
findings regarding the romantic and intimate relationship of the gender-queer.
1. Perspective of gender queer about intimate relationship regarding

intimate satisfaction:
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
1. 1. Physical affection. Gender – queer couples stated that they do display
their affection with each other and that they are satisfied. The gender - queer
show it through their closeness and efforts they do in way not too obvious and not
too vulgar but enough to show their love.
1. 2. Intimate behavior. The gender – queer couples do express intimate
behavior. The gay respondents stated that intimate behavior is expressed in a
private non vulgar way. On the contrary lesbian respondents show less intimate
behavior due to socialization. Yet in general the gender – queer are satisfied with
their intimate behavior.
1. 3. Affection satisfaction. The respondents feel more connected and
associated with their partners when they express affection. The gender – queer
are satisfied with their affection.
1. 4. Intimacy as a requirement. Most of the respondents agreed that
intimacy is a need and a significant aspect of any relationship. The gender –
queer values the expression of intimacy just like heterosexuals in a relationship.
The gender – queer express satisfaction in their intimate activities.
2. Perspective of the gender queer about romantic relationship in terms
of:
2.1. Commitment
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LIPA CITY COLLEGES
It refers to the couple‘s efforts to strengthen their relationship. In addition, it
refers to the activities of the couple to show their support and value in the
relationship. Based on the analysis, the following are the findings of the category.
2. 1. A. Contentment. Majority of the respondent felt satisfied of their
relationship. The respondents are contended and happy with their relationship.
Such implies strong committed gender-queer relationships.
2. 1. B. Dependency. Most of the respondents stated that they are mutually
dependent with their partner in terms of decision making. The respondents value
equal-dependent relationships.
2. 1. C. Active listening. Most of the respondents value active listening and
see it as an aspect of emotional commitment in the relationship. The gender
queer perceive it as an important factor of commitment.
2. 1. D. Loyalty. Most of the respondents implied that they don‘t see
themselves with anyone rather they are with their current partners for a long
period of time. The gender queer perceives fewer alternatives which strengthen
and continues commitment in a relationship.
2.2 Equality
It pertains to the presence of equal and balance power and influence in a
relationship. Based on the analysis, below are the findings of the category.
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LIPA CITY COLLEGES
2. 2. A. Egalitarian approach. Most of the respondents indicated that they
express equality in the majority of their actions and decisions. The gender queer
perceives equality as an important element in their relationship. Equality is
expressed in any possible and applicable situation in gender-queer relationships.
2. 2. B. Mutual trust. The gender-queer exhibited trust in many ways. Trust
is perceived as an important aspect of the relationship. The gender queer express
and feel trust when disclosing, making decisions, and mutual respect. Trust is a
plus factor in the longevity of gender-queer relationships.
2. 2. C. Power sharing. The gender-queer value power sharing in their
relationship. The respondents‘ exhibit power sharing in equal ways. It is
expressed through decision making and partner‘s availability. Also similarity is an
important element of having an equal relationship. Being similar implies equality
as the respondents have implied. Having the same opinions, interests and
hobbies is a factor for having a stable and strong relationship.
3. The researchers showed the following differences in perspective of

the gender-queer respondents.
The gender queer vary in terms of self-disclosure. The gay respondents
indicated that they value their personal privacy and disclose less or selectively to
their partners, also because of the fear that their partners might reject or not
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
accept them. On the other hand, the lesbian respondents are comfortable of their
partners, which is why they disclose confidently to them.
The gender queer vary in terms of financial influence. The gay respondents
value equal dependability yet they tend to exert more effort in spending money to
their partners. On the contrary, the lesbian respondents are more likely to
influence each other on equal terms when it comes to money matters.
The gender queer vary in terms of personal autonomy. The lesbian
respondents value a high degree of togetherness while the gay respondents
prefer high levels of independence and togetherness. The lesbian respondents
are more likely to do activities together while the gay respondents are likely to be
independent in some tasks.
The gender queer vary in terms of sexual expression. The gay respondents
are more likely to express intimacy to their partners; they view sexual expression
as a significant aspect of a relationship. On the other hand, the lesbian
respondent is less likely to express their love to their partners through sexual
expression; this is because of the gender-role socialization and stereotyping.
The gender queer vary in terms of perceiving doubt in their relationship.
Most gay respondents perceived doubt in their relationships. They indicated that
the stigma and discrimination of the society to relationships between two men is
the reason of their doubt. On the other hand, lesbian respondents perceive less
doubt or no doubt in their relationship, because they are satisfied and not afraid of
what the society thinks.
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
4. Implications derived from the study regarding the relationships of the
gender queer:
The researchers showed the implication of the society‘s opinion on the
gender queer relationships. Among all the respondents information, findings are
shown that marginalization, stigma and socialization of sexuality are the barriers
for them to express their real selves and to open their relationship to the public.
Not only may feelings of marginalization minimize public displays of affection, but
research shown that same-sex couples may also impact their relationship
satisfaction.
Nevertheless, these findings suggest that although marginalized couples
may show fewer public displays of physical affection, their intimate displays of
their relationship may be no different from those in non-marginalized relationships.
Similarly, being involved in a same-sex relationship would be associated with less
public (but not less private) physical affection.
Conclusions
From the summarized findings the following conclusions were drawn:
First, the gender queer have similar perspectives on the relationship when
it comes to intimate satisfaction. The gender – queer couples see intimacy as an
important element in any relationship. The gender – queer implied that they are
satisfied with their sexual interaction. Yet they still have inhibitions in expressing
their intimacy to the public.
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
Second, the gender queer are satisfied with their commitment in their
relationship. Moreover, they are loyal to their partners and assure that they are
trustful and reliable individuals to their significant half. Being committed in a
relationship requires understanding and respect of the needs of each other.
In addition, the gender queer maintains and express equality in their
relationships. The gender queer respondents emphasize balance of power in the
relationship. In addition, they create an atmosphere of dependability and reliability
in their relationships. In addition, they implied that they are happy and satisfied
with the balance they perceive.
Third, the gender – queer varies depending on the socialization and roles
they play in the society. The gay respondents tend to exercise autonomy in their
relationship, for they are in social and biological context are men, and men mostly
practice independence. The lesbian respondents are less likely to initiate sexual
expression due to the gender role socialization that is prevalent in the society,
wherein women are expected to not express sexual dominance. There are major
differences between the gender queer.
And finally, the gender – queer couples fear the rejection of the society, the
marginalization and stigma surrounding them. But the gender – queer couples are
determining to fight for their equal right. In addition, the gender – queer will stand
for their right to love and to express themselves freely.
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LIPA CITY COLLEGES
Recommendations
From the formulated conclusion, the following are the recommendations
drawn:
The gender queer should always value and respect sexual expression for it
is vital in any relationship. Moreover, the gender - queer couples should also
consider the decisions and opinions of each other when it comes to such matters.
They should be sensitive about sexual and physical expression, and utilize the
proper protection to prevent diseases such as AIDS and HIV.
They should also acknowledge the pillars of their relationship that serves
as the core strength that maintains their faith to their partners and their partners to
them. They should be confident about their relationship and trust one another.
The gender queer should value what they have for such is a special blessing to
have someone who accepts and treats them as equal.
In addition, gender queer who is currently in a relationship should value the
egalitarianism prevalent in their relationship. The gender queer should also value
and respect each other‘s differences for that would be a key to a long lasting
relationship.
Moreover, they should be optimistic about these distinctions in
relationships and be aware that this significant distinction among relationships is
normal and experienced by all individuals. The gender queers should understand
these distinctions in relationships which can help them to be enlightened in the
nature of their relationship.
Lipa City Colleges

LIPA CITY COLLEGES
In line with this, they should be proud of their relationship and themselves.
They should fight for their right to love and to express themselves freely. The
gender – queer should seek and value the social ties they have, such can support
and encourage them to continue their relationship. The gender – queer should
always take in mind their rights and freedom and at the same time, they should
consider the opinion of the society, such can guide them to what should be
prevented such as misconceptions and misunderstandings.
Finally, the gender queer should respect the opinion of the society about
their relationship. They should prove to them that this relationship will not hurt
anybody and this relationship is worth fighting for.
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LIPA CITY COLLEGES

COLLEGE OF LIBERAL ARTS

“Love is Love...it knows no gender and doesn‟t conform to restrictions and

-T.M. Smith (Opposite, 2013)

Same-sex relationships have been emerging in recent years and have

people involved in a same-sex relationship get ostracized by people who don‘t

many perspectives, people can understand the status of same-sex relationship. It

Based from Merriam-Webster Dictionary, heterosexual is characterized by

involving sexual intercourse between individuals of opposite sex. The

heterogeneous relationship in human society is the most fundamental and

important type of human relationship because it is not only the cornerstone of

complementary halves of humanity. Since same-sex relationship is emerging, the

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hands and show general signs of affection, common among heterosexual

homosexuals because they believe that homosexuality is wrong. Included in the

how they are treated by mainstream society.

behaviour as being deviant, or against the norms of society. Deviancy is divided

people based on your label.

The Pew Research Center conducted a survey from 2 March to 1 May

2013 in 39 countries with 37,653 respondents. This survey showed that 73

percent of the Filipino respondents said that homosexuality should be accepted by

29 age group (Pew Research Center, 2013).

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homosexuality, they invariably have in mind effeminate, cross-dressing men

flaming impunity. To equate Philippine society‘s tolerance for public displays of

transvestism with a wholesale approval of homosexual behavior is naive, if not

remain confined to certain occupational niches and fulfil certain stereotypes.

As of today, private organizations are doing an action to prevent the

discrimination among homosexuals. The Societal Abuses, Discrimination, and

Acts of Violence Based on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity, a coalition of

lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Non-Governmental Organizations

(NGOs), submitted a midyear report to the United Nation Universal Periodic

persons from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Watch recorded 29 killings of LGBT individuals, linked the killings to prejudice or

LGBT NGOs reported societal discrimination based on sexual orientation and

gender identity, including in employment and education.

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Philippines have failed to guarantee legal protections of LGBTs in accordance with

United Nations human rights conventions.

The Philippine Congress is again debating an Anti-Discrimination Bill

submitted in 2010, filed as House Bill 1483 or An Act Defining Discrimination on

rights and freedoms of LGBT in schools, offices, commercial establishments,

health care institutions, the civil service, police and military.

It is essential to conceptualize same-sex relationships without using

heterosexuality as a model or standard. Assumptions about relationships based

on the values and experiences of heterosexuals may not necessarily apply to

same-sex couples. But more difficult than defining a relationship is specifying

when a relationship is in same-sex. A same-sex relationship is a kind of

relationship. It is different from heterosexual relationship since it involves two

commonalities with heterosexual couples. The day-to-day activities of their lives

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expectations of gender roles within a relationship.

A relationship perspective takes as the central phenomenon of interest the

inquiry from isolated individuals to their mutual associations. A relationship

perspective seeks to describe the characteristics of homosexual pairings,

addressing such issues as the extent of commitment in gay relationships, the

individuals have about relationships and their subjective experiences in

A further goal of relationship research is to analyze the causes of variations

to change over time. Research on the same-sex relationships of a heterosexual

and homosexual represents a relatively new direction in the study of

Romantic relationship quality is an important factor for well-being. Most

research on romantic relationships is based on heterosexual couples, but studies

of different types of dyads showed that relationship functioning among same-sex