Stress Management

What Is Stress?
Learn how to create calm in your life.

A lot of research has been conducted into stress over the last hundred years. Some of the
theories behind it are now settled and accepted; others are still being researched and
debated.
During this time, there seems to have been something approaching open warfare between
competing theories and definitions: views have been passionately held and aggressively
defended.
What complicates this is that intuitively we all feel that we know what stress is, as it is
something we have all experienced. A definition should, therefore, be obvious... except that
it is not.
Definition of Stress
Hans Selye was one of the founding fathers of stress research. His view in his book "The
Stress of Life" was that "stress is not necessarily something bad – it all depends on how you
take it. The stress of exhilarating, creative successful work is beneficial, while that of failure,
humiliation or infection is detrimental." Selye believed that the biochemical effects of stress
would be experienced irrespective of whether the situation was positive or negative.
Since then, a great deal of further research has been conducted, and ideas have moved on.
Stress is now viewed as a "bad thing", with a range of harmful biochemical and long-term
effects. These effects have rarely been observed in positive situations.
The most commonly accepted definition of stress (mainly attributed to Richard S. Lazarus in
his book "Psychological Stress and the Coping Process") is that stress is a condition or
feeling experienced when a person perceives that "demands exceed the personal and
social resources the individual is able to mobilize." In short, it's what we feel when we
think we've lost control of events.
This is the main definition used by this section of Mind Tools, although we also recognize
that there is an intertwined instinctive stress response to unexpected events. The stress
response inside us is, therefore, part instinct and part to do with the way we think.
How We Respond to Stress
Some of the early research on stress (conducted by Walter Cannon in 1932) established the
existence of the well-known "fight-or-flight" response. His work showed that when an
organism experiences a shock or perceives a threat, it quickly releases hormones that help it
to survive.
In humans, as in other animals, these hormones help us to run faster and fight harder. They
increase heart rate and blood pressure, delivering more oxygen and blood sugar to power
important muscles. They increase sweating in an effort to cool these muscles, and help
them stay efficient. They divert blood away from the skin to the core of our bodies, reducing
blood loss if we are damaged. As well as this, these hormones focus our attention on the
threat, to the exclusion of everything else. All of this significantly improves our ability to
survive life-threatening events.
Not only life-threatening events trigger this reaction: we experience it almost any time we
come across something unexpected or something that frustrates our goals. When the threat
is small, our response is small and we often do not notice it among the many other
distractions of a stressful situation.
Unfortunately, this mobilization of the body for survival also has negative consequences. In
this state, we are excitable, anxious, jumpy and irritable. This actually reduces our ability to
work effectively with other people. With trembling and a pounding heart, we can find it
difficult to execute precise, controlled skills. The intensity of our focus on survival interferes
with our ability to make fine judgments by drawing information from many sources. We find
ourselves more accident-prone and less able to make good decisions.
There are very few situations in modern working life where this response is useful. Most
situations benefit from a calm, rational, controlled and socially sensitive approach.
In the short term, we need to keep this fight-or-flight response under control to be effective
in our jobs. In the long term we need to keep it under control to avoid problems of poor
health and burnout.
Note:
The ideas of "eustress" (good stress) and "distress" (bad stress) were developed by Hans
Selye, one of the early researchers on stress. Selye believed that a mild level of stress
encouraged animals and people to behave in a more active way, while an excessive level of
stress would hamper their performance.
Since then, other people have drawn similar conclusions, substituting the idea of "stress"
with the idea of "pressure". Framed in this way, this is an important and valuable idea. With
all of its associations of unhappiness and loss of control, real stress is now seen as a bad
thing in all circumstances.
The ideas of "eustress" and "distress" are therefore no longer useful. Indeed, they may be
harmful in that they may encourage managers to try to motivate subordinates by increasing
the amount of unpleasant stress they experience. The error in this approach is clear if you
remember that "pressure" is a different thing from "stress".
Warning:
Stress can cause severe health problems and, in extreme cases, death. While these stress
management techniques have been shown to have a positive effect on reducing stress, they
are for guidance only, and readers should take the advice of suitably qualified health
professionals if they have any concerns over stress-related illnesses or if stress is causing
significant or persistent unhappiness. Health professionals should also be consulted before
any major change in diet or levels of exercise.
Managing Stress
Create Calm in Your Career
Find your oasis and embrace the calm.

Many of us experience stress in life, whether this is in the short term from one-off projects,
or long-term stress from a high-pressure career.
Not only can this be profoundly unpleasant, it can seriously affect our health and our work.
However, it is possible to manage stress, if you use the right tools and techniques.
In this article, we'll look at what stress is, what increases your risk of experiencing it, and
how you can manage it, so that it doesn't affect your well-being and productivity.
Warning:
What Is Stress?
A widely accepted definition of stress, attributed to psychologist and professor Richard

Lazarus, is, "a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands
exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize."
This means that we experience stress if we believe that we don't have the time, resources,
or knowledge to handle a situation. In short, we experience stress when we feel "out of
control."
This also means that different people handle stress differently, in different situations: you'll
handle stress better if you're confident in your abilities, if you can change the situation to
take control, and if you feel that you have the help and support needed to do a good job.
Reactions to Stress
We have two instinctive reactions that make up our stress response. These are the "fight or
flight" response, and the General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS). Both of these reactions can
happen at the same time.
Fight or Flight
Walter Cannon identified the "fight or flight" response as early as 1932. It's a basic, short-
term survival response, which is triggered when we experience a shock, or when we see
something that we perceive as a threat.
Our brains then release stress hormones that prepare the body to either "fly" from the
threat, or "fight" it. This energizes us, but it also makes us excitable, anxious, and irritable.
The problem with the fight or flight response is that, although it helps us deal with life-
threatening events, we can also experience it in everyday situations – for example, when we
have to work to short deadlines, when we speak in public, or when we experience conflict
with others.
In these types of situations, a calm, rational, controlled, and socially-sensitive approach is

often more appropriate.
General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS)
GAS, which Hans Selye identified in 1950, is a response to long-term exposure to stress.
Selye found that we cope with stress in three distinct phases:
1. The alarm phase, where we react to the stressor.
2. The resistance phase, where we adapt to, and cope with, the stressor. The body can't
keep up resistance indefinitely, so our physical and emotional resources are gradually
depleted.
3. The exhaustion phase, where, eventually, we're "worn down" and we cannot function
normally.
Tip:
Fight or flight and GAS are actually linked – the exhaustion phase of GAS comes from an
accumulation of very many fight or flight responses, over a long period of time.
Stress and the Way We Think
When we encounter a situation, we make two (often unconscious) judgments.
First, we decide whether the situation is threatening – this could be a threat to our social
standing, values, time, or reputation, as well as to our survival. This can then trigger the
fight or flight response, and the alarm phase of GAS.
Next, we judge whether we have the resources to meet the perceived threat. These
resources can include time, knowledge, emotional capabilities, energy, strength, and much
more.
How stressed we feel then depends on how far out of control we feel, and how well we can
meet the threat with the resources we have available.
Signs of Stress
Everyone reacts to stress differently. However, some common signs and symptoms of the
fight or flight response include:
 Frequent headaches.
 Cold or sweaty hands and feet.
 Frequent heartburn, stomach pain, or nausea.
 Panic attacks.
 Excessive sleeping, or insomnia.
 Persistent difficulty concentrating.
 Obsessive or compulsive behaviours.
 Social withdrawal or isolation.
 Constant fatigue.
 Irritability and angry episodes.
 Significant weight gains or loss.
 Consistent feelings of being overwhelmed or overloaded.

Consequences of Stress
Stress impacts our ability to do our jobs effectively, and it affects how we work with other
people. This can have a serious impact on our careers, our general well-being, and our
relationships.
Long-term stress can also cause conditions such as burnout to identify the causes of short-
term or frequent stress in your life. As you write down events, think about why this situation
stresses you out. Also, use the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale to identify where you can
improve, and make sure that you use time management tools such as To-Do Lists ,
and Eisenhower's Urgent/Important Principle to think about what's most important in
your role, so that you can prioritize your work more effectively. This helps you reduce stress,
because you get the greatest return from your efforts, and you minimize the time you spend
on low-value activities.
Also, avoid multitasking at certain times, and don't use electronic devices for a while before
going to bed, so that you use this time to "switch off" fully.
Other People
People can be a significant source of stress. Our guide to Managing Conflicting
Priorities , Managing Your Boundaries , and Saying "Yes" to the Person, but "No" to the
Task .
2. Emotion-Oriented Approaches
Emotion-oriented approaches are useful when the stress you're experiencing comes from
the way that you perceive a situation. (It can be annoying for people to say this, but a lot of
stress comes from overly-negative thinking.)
To change how you think about stressful situations:
 Use Cognitive Restructuring , and Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive
Thinking to learn how to think more positively.
 Use Affirmations to overcome short-term negative thinking, so that you feel more
positive about stressful situations.
Understanding the Impact of Long-Term Stress

Do you need to take a step back?
People use the word "stress" to describe a wide variety of situations – from your cell phone
ringing while you're talking on another phone – to the feelings associated with intense work
overload, or the death of a loved-one.
But perhaps the most useful and widely accepted definition of stress (mainly attributed to
Richard S. Lazarus) is this: stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person
perceives that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to
mobilize." In less formal terms, we feel stressed when we feel that "things are out of
control."
Our ability to cope with the demands upon us is key to our experience of stress. For
example, starting a new job might be a wholly exciting experience if everything else in your
life is stable and positive. But if you start a new job when you've just moved into a new
house, or your partner is ill, or you're experiencing money problems, you might find it very
hard to cope.
How much of this does it take to push you "over the edge?" Not all unusual events are
equally hard to deal with. For example, compare the stress of divorce with that of a change
in responsibilities at work. Because of this, you need to be able to rate and measure your
total stress score appropriately.
The Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS), more commonly known as the Holmes and
Rahe Stress Scale, was created to do just that. This tool helps us measure the stress load we
carry, and think about what we should do about it.
The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale
In 1967, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe decided to study whether or not
stress contributes to illness. They surveyed more than 5,000 medical patients and asked
them to say whether they had experience any of a series of 43 life events in the previous
two years.
Each event, called a Life Change Unit (LCU), had a different "weight" for stress. The more
events the patient added up, the higher the score. The higher the score, and the larger the
weight of each event, the more likely the patient was to become ill.
The Stress Scale
To score your stress levels, simply select Yes or No for each of the events in the Statements
column that have happened to you in the last year. Then click Calculate My Total.
This table is taken from "The Social Readjustment Rating Scale", Thomas H. Holmes and
Richard H. Rahe, Journal of Psychosomatic Research, Volume 11, Issue 2, August 1967,
This scale must not be used in any way to cause harm to an individual's professional career.
43 Statements to Answer Yes No
1Death of spouse (100)
2Divorce (73)
3Marital separation (65)
4Jail term (63)
5Death of close family member (63)
6Personal injury or illness (53)
7Marriage (50)
8Fired at work (47)
9Marital reconciliation (45)
10Retirement (45)
11Change in health of family member (44)
12Pregnancy (40)
13Sex difficulties (39)
14Gain of new family member (39)
15Business readjustment (39)
16Change in financial state (38)
17Death of close friend (37)
18Change to a different line of work (36)

19Change in number of arguments with spouse (35)
20A large mortgage or loan (31)
21Foreclosure of mortgage or loan (30)
22Change in responsibilities at work (29)
23Son or daughter leaving home (29)
24Trouble with in-laws (29)
25Outstanding personal achievement (28)
26Spouse begins or stops work (26)
27Begin or end school/college (26)
28Change in living conditions (25)
29Revision of personal habits (24)
30Trouble with boss (23)
31Change in work hours or conditions (20)
32Change in residence (20)
33Change in school/college (20)
34Change in recreation (19)
35Change in church activities (19)
36Change in social activities (18)
37A moderate loan or mortgage (17)

38Change in sleeping habits (16)
39Change in number of family get-togethers (15)
40Change in eating habits (15)
41Vacation (13)
42Christmas (12)
43Minor violations of the law (11)
Total = 0
Note: If you experienced the same event more than once, then to gain a more accurate
total, add the score again for each extra occurrence of the event.
Score Interpretation
Score Comment
You have only a low to moderate chance of becoming ill in the near future.
11-150
You have a moderate to high chance of becoming ill in the near future.
150-299
You have a high or very high risk of becoming ill in the near future.
300-600
What You Can Do About This
If you find that you are at a moderate or high level of risk, then an obvious first thing to do is
to try to avoid future life crises.
While this is clearly easier said than done, you can usually avoid moving house, for example,
close to when you retire, or when one of your children goes off to college; you can
learn conflict resolution skills
Warning:
Key Points
The Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale is a well-known tool for measuring the amount of stress
you’ve experienced within the past year. Taking the test can help you see clearly if you’re at
risk of illness due to stress.
Supporting a Friend or Co-Worker Suffering From Stress
Lending a Helping Hand When Things Get Tough
Support your colleagues through stress by offering a helping hand.

Lyra couldn't help but notice the change in Cassie. Her friend had always been cheerful and
chatty, but lately she had become snappy and dismissive.
Cassie was always the first to arrive at work, and among the last to leave. But then she
started coming into work later and later, and was often in a rush to leave at the end of the
day, too.
Lyra was worried. She wanted to help, but just didn't know what to do. So she kept quiet.
Eventually, her relationship with her friend all but disappeared and, after a few months,
Cassie handed in her notice and left.
Cassie was suffering from stress, something that's all too common in modern, high-demand
workplaces. If Lyra had recognized this, and known how to support her, she might have
been able to help, and to preserve their friendship.
In this article, you can learn how to identify stress in others, and explore a five-step strategy
for tactfully offering your support, without becoming overburdened yourself.
How to Identify Stress in Others?
Stress , too much pressure can cause stress to build.

Even if your organization has a policy on mental health and an active HR manager or team,
it's most likely a friend or co-worker who'll be the first person to notice a change in
someone's behaviour that could indicate stress.
Here are a few examples of unusual behaviours that could be signs of stress:
 Snapping at colleagues.
 Losing concentration.
 Putting off decisions.
 Restlessness.
 Emotional volatility.
 Anxiety.
 Erratic behaviour.
Why Giving Support Matters
Even when you know that someone is suffering from stress, it can be difficult to broach the
subject. You might be scared of causing offense, making it worse, or causing the other
person to become angry .
But offering your support can be a crucial first step in battling the often serious mental and
physical problems caused by excessive stress, such as burnout and sensitive.
Start the conversation with a neutral question that encourages him to open up. For
example, "I've noticed that you don't seem quite yourself lately. Are you OK? Can I help?"
He may not want to talk, in which case you'll need to respect his privacy. Though you can
still let him know that you're there if he ever does want to chat.
If he does open up, use your emotional intelligence and without judgment. This will show
him that you're engaged and that you care. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is
listening can go a long way toward easing the burden of stress.
2. Get to the Root of the Problem
Stress can be triggered by a number of different things. It might spike at regular intervals
(when preparing monthly reports, say, or meeting mortgage payments), be continuous (a
difficult relationship at work or at home), or be a one-off (coping with a bereavement or a
personal loss that encourage her to talk about her feelings, and what triggered them.
In a work environment, problems usually stem from one of three sources:
 Workload: she simply has more work to do than she can cope with.
 Competency: she feels that she doesn't have the skills that she needs to successfully
carry out her job.
 Relationships: she feels that a colleague is being aggressive, unhelpful or hostile.
Note:
Stress doesn't always develop from issues at work. If you think that your co-worker's
problem stems from home, be even more sensitive in how you approach him. There may
not be any practical way you can help out, but you can still listen and empathize.
3. Suggest Practical Ways Forward
If the root of your co-worker's stress does fall into once of the three sources above, use
these strategies to offer some practical solutions:
Workload
People with challenging workloads often struggle because they're unable to see an end to
what they have to do. What's more, stress can cause people to become even more
disorganized and confused, and the whole cycle begins again.
Start by helping your co-worker to get organized. First, sit down with her and draw up a To-
Do List . If she has any large, time-consuming jobs that she finds overwhelming, try breaking
them down into manageable chunks. This will make it easier for her to achieve "quick wins
If there are any low-priority tasks on the list, you could offer to help out – if you have the
capacity – or suggest delegating the work to someone else on the team.
Note:
Assigning work is the responsibility of your co-worker's line manager, so always check with
him or her before you rearrange workloads. If possible, encourage the person experiencing
stress to do this. If he feels unable to, discreetly raise the issue with his manager.
Competency
When someone feels "out of her depth" at work, it can be seriously debilitating and
demoralizing, even when it's not true.
Remind her of similar tasks that she's performed well in the past, or of other areas where
she has excelled or helped other team members. If there is a genuine skills gap, suggest that
she talks to her manager about training .
Note:
It might be a hard "pill to swallow," but, in some cases, people who feel under-skilled and ill-
prepared for their jobs may benefit from a change of role. Chances are, you can't help with
this particular problem, except by suggesting the possibility as tactfully and positively as
possible.
Relationships
Difficult relationships often cause stress to spike. Whether it's a bullying manager, an
awkward client, or a sarcastic co-worker, most of us can think of someone who sends
our blood pressure pumping , and to seek help from his line manager or from HR.
Note:
In some instances your co-worker may not feel confident enough to talk about her problems
with her manager or HR. If this is the case, you could offer to go with her, or to speak up on
her behalf. But, if you do this, always get the person's consent beforehand. Otherwise she
may see it as a breach of trust, and react angrily.
If, however, the problem is serious, or is beginning to impact other people's work, you may
have no choice but to pass it on to your manager.
4. Offer Friendship
You can't always unpick someone else's problems – and trying to do so may even end up
causing you stress, too. But you can still be kind and supportive.
Make your co-worker a coffee , which can help to alleviate stress too.
5. Don't Get Too Involved
Your support will likely ease the burden of stress that your friend is feeling, but remember
that your own reserves of time, capacity, capability, and even patience are finite, too.
There will only be so much that you can listen to, think about, and advise on without feeling
overloaded by it all. You may find that it starts to drag you down, eventually. It might even
drive a wedge between you and your co-worker, if you're not careful.
You want the best possible outcome for your co-worker, but this mustn't come at the
expense of your own well-being.
Research shows that stress can have a "ripple effect" on the people that are close to the
sufferer. Take a look at our article, Heron's Six Categories of Intervention
Stress Diaries
Identifying Causes of Short-Term Stress
Start the journey to a calmer life with a Stress Diary.
Many of us experience stress in some form every day, whether it's caused by rush-hour
traffic, difficult customers, a heavy workload, or unpleasant news. But, if stress goes
unchecked, it can affect our productivity and, worse still, our health.
This is where keeping a Stress Diary can be useful. Going through the process of logging
anxious moments allows you to pinpoint the causes of short-term stress in your life. Often,
these stresses flit in and out of our minds, without getting the attention and focus that they
deserve.
A Stress Diary can also give you an insight into how you react to stress, and help you to
identify the levels of pressure at which you work best. (After all, a little bit of pressure can
be a good thing!)
In this article, we explain what a Stress Diary is, and how to reap the benefits of keeping
one. You can also download a Stress Diary template, so that you can log your own
experiences. The download includes a completed diary example and accompanying analysis,
to show you how to use a Stress Diary in your own life.
What Is a Stress Diary?
The idea behind Stress Diaries is that you regularly record information about the stresses
you're experiencing, so that you can analyse and then manage them.
As well as this, Stress Diaries help you to understand:
 The causes of stress in more detail.
 The levels of pressure at which you operate most effectively.
 How you can improve the way you manage stress.

Using the Tool
Make regular entries in your diary throughout your day (for example, every hour), or after
any stressful incident, and record the following information:
 The date and time.
 The most recent stressful event you experienced.
 How happy you feel now, using a subjective assessment on a scale of 0 (the unhappiest
you've ever been) to 10 (the happiest you've been). Also, write down the mood you're
feeling.
 How effectively you're working now (a subjective assessment, on a scale of 0 to 10). A

zero here would show complete ineffectiveness, while a 10 would show the greatest
effectiveness you have ever achieved.
 The fundamental cause of the stress (be as honest and objective as possible).
You may also want to note:
 The symptoms you felt (for example, "butterflies in the stomach," anger, headache,
raised pulse rate, sweaty palms, and so on.).
 How well you handled the event: did your reaction help to solve the problem, or did it
make things worse?
Analysing the Diary
Once you've kept a Stress Diary for a number of days, you can analyse it and take action:
 First, look at the different stresses that you experienced during the time you kept your
diary. Highlight the most frequent stresses, and the ones that were the most unpleasant.
 Look at your assessments of their underlying causes, and your appraisal of how well you
handled the stressful events. Do they highlight problems that need to be fixed? If so, list
these issues.
 Next, look through your diary at the situations that cause you stress. List ways in which
you can change these situations for the better.
 Finally, look at how you felt when you were under pressure, and explore how it affected
your happiness and your effectiveness. Was there a middle level of pressure at which
you were happiest and performed best?
When you've analysed your diary, you should have a better understanding of what the
sources of stress are in your life, and you should be able to identify the levels of pressure at
which you are happiest.
It should also be clear which types of situation cause you the most stress, and you can now
begin to prepare for and manage them.
Note:
You'll likely reap the most benefit from your Stress Diary in the first few weeks of use. After
this, you might find other approaches more useful (see Next Steps, below).
However, if your lifestyle changes and you begin to suffer from stress again, it may be worth
using the diary approach one more time. You may find that the stresses you face have
changed.
Next Steps
The next step is to get your stress under control.
Start by looking at the people and events that cause you the most stress.
 If a person, or a group of people, is causing your stress, our article, Dealing With Difficult
People , or from struggling with time management? If so, our quiz, How Good Are Your
Time Management Skills? can help you to identify structural problems within your role
that could be causing you stress.
 Is burnout contributing to the stress that you're experiencing? Our Burnout Self-
Test can help you to reduce stress by changing the way that you think about things.
Albrecht's Four Types of Stress
Managing Common Pressures
Deal with four common types of stress.

Imagine that you work in human resources, and that you've recently been dealing with a lot
of people problems.
It's been another long day. You're now meeting with your last "client" before you go home.
As you listen to this person's story, you start to get tense. You find yourself avoiding making
direct eye contact with her, and you feel yourself shutting down emotionally. You don't
want to listen to her complaints at all; instead, you just want to finish.
Rather than taking your frustrations out on this person, however, you apologize and ask for
a five-minute break. You go for a quick walk outside, breathe deeply, and then stop for
some water. When you go back into your office, you're smiling, refreshed, and ready to
help.
Most people experience some degree of stress in their jobs. But if you understand the most
common types of stress and know how to spot them, you can manage your stress much
better. This, in turn, helps you to work productively, build better relationships, and live a
healthier life.
In this article, we'll examine four common types of stress, and we'll discuss how you can
manage each of them more effectively.
The Four Common Types of Stress
Dr Karl Albrecht, a management consultant and conference speaker based in California, is a

pioneer in the development of stress-reduction training for businesspeople. He defined four
common types of stress in his 1979 book, "Stress and the Manager."
Albrecht's four common types of stress are:
1. Time stress.
2. Anticipatory stress.
3. Situational stress.
4. Encounter stress.
Let's look at each of these types of stress in detail, and discuss how you can identify and
deal with each one.
1. Time Stress
You experience time stress when you worry about time, or the lack thereof. You worry
about the number of things that you have to do, and you fear that you'll fail to achieve
something important. You might feel trapped, unhappy, or even hopeless.
Common examples of time stress include worrying about deadlines or rushing to avoid
being late for a meeting.
Managing Time Stress
Time stress is one of the most common types of stress that we experience today. It is
essential to learn how to manage this type of stress if you're going to work productively in a
busy organization.
First, learn good time management skills. This can include using To-Do Lists .
Next, make sure that you're devoting enough time to your important priorities.
Unfortunately, it's easy to get caught up in seemingly urgent tasks which actually have little
impact on your overall objectives. This can leave you feeling exhausted, or feeling that you
worked a full day yet accomplished nothing meaningful.
Your important tasks are usually the ones that will help you reach your goals, and working
on these projects is a better use of your time. Our article on Eisenhower's
Urgent/Important Principle helps you separate tasks that you need to focus on from those
you can safely put off.
If you often feel that you don't have enough time to complete all of your tasks, learn how
to create more time in your day Also, make sure that you're polite but assertive to tasks
that you don't have the capacity to do.
2. Anticipatory Stress
Anticipatory stress describes stress that you experience concerning the future. Sometimes
this stress can be focused on a specific event, such as an upcoming presentation that you're
going to give. However, anticipatory stress can also be vague and undefined, such as an
overall sense of dread about the future, or a worry that "something will go wrong."
Managing Anticipatory Stress
Because anticipatory stress is future based, start by recognizing that the event you're
dreading doesn't have to play out as you imagine. Use positive visualization techniques –
will help you develop focus and the ability to concentrate on what's happening right now,
rather than on an imagined future. Consider setting aside time daily – even if it's only five
minutes – to meditate.
Anticipatory stress can result from a lack of confidence. For example, you might be stressing
over a presentation that you're giving next week, because you're afraid that your
presentation won't be interesting. Often, addressing these personal fears directly will lower
your stress. In this example, if you put in extra time to practice and prepare for tough
questions, you'll likely feel more prepared for the event.
Last, learn how to overcome a fear of failure . This means recognizing the "automatic"
physical and emotional signals that your body sends out when you're under pressure.
For example, imagine that the meeting you're in suddenly dissolves into a shouting match
between team members. Your automatic response is to feel a surge of anxiety. Your
stomach knots and feels bloated. You withdraw into yourself and, if someone asks for your
input, you have a difficult time knowing what to say.
Conflict is a major source of situational stress. Learn effective conflict resolution skills ,
since resolving group conflict can be different from resolving individual issues.
Everyone reacts to situational stress differently, and it's essential that you understand both
the physical and emotional symptoms of this stress, so that you can manage them
appropriately. For instance, if your natural tendency is to withdraw emotionally, then learn
how to think on your feet .
4. Encounter Stress
Encounter stress revolves around people. You experience encounter stress when you worry
about interacting with a certain person or group of people – you may not like them, or you
might think that they're unpredictable.
Encounter stress can also occur if your role involves a lot of personal interactions with
customers or clients, especially if those groups are in distress. For instance, physicians and
social workers have high rates of encounter stress, because the people they work with
routinely don't feel well, or are deeply upset.
This type of stress also occurs from "contact overload": when you feel overwhelmed or
drained from interacting with too many people.
Managing Encounter Stress
Because encounter stress is focused entirely on people, you'll manage this type of stress
better by working on your people skills. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize the
emotions, wants, and needs of yourself and of others. This is an important skill in interacting
with others and in building good relationships.
It's also important to know when you're about to reach your limit for interactions in the day.
Everyone has different symptoms for encounter stress, but a common one is withdrawing
psychologically from others and working mechanically. Another common symptom is getting
cranky, cold, or impersonal with others in your interactions. When you start to experience
these symptoms, do whatever you can to take a break. Go for a walk, drink water, and
practice deep breathing exercises is a valuable skill for coping with this type of stress,
because it allows you to see the situation from the other person's perspective. This gives
you greater understanding and helps you to structure your communications so that you
address the other person's feelings, wants, and needs.
Note 1:
Crankiness and remoteness can also be symptoms of burnout
Eight Ways to Cope When You're a Team of One
Thriving as a Lone Ranger
Be the best team of one that you can be.
Angharad is a small cog in a big wheel. She goes to work each day and sits in a big office, but
she works alone. When the people around her go on team "away days," Angharad stays at
her desk. When she attends company updates, her successes don't get a mention. And
when her co-workers socialize after work, she stays back late to get on top of things.
It doesn't take long before she begins to feel overlooked, overworked and demoralized.
Angharad is a "team of one," and there are many out there just like her. They are the lone
receptionists, the one-off office temps, or the "last men standing" following a program of
lay-offs. They might work alone and remotely, like freelancers and telecommuters do;
alongside other people in an office – a one-person HR department, for example; or
independently, as care workers and estate agents.
People can even belong to both a team of one and a larger team – think, for example, of the
individual who works the night shift while the rest of his or her team works during the day.
Although the circumstances of people who work alone might vary, they all face similar
challenges. They often shoulder greater responsibility than individuals working in larger
teams, can be tasked with critical project-based work, or may become overloaded – all with
very little support. These challenges, combined with the likelihood of feeling isolated, means
that the risk of them becoming ill or of having their work "go wrong" are very real.
If you are a team of one, some of these challenges might sound familiar. You might be
beginning to feel pressurized by the amount of responsibility that you have. This article will
look at eight strategies that can help you to cope with this situation.
Eight Strategies for Coping
1. Engage With Others
Teams of one are, by nature, seen as separate, individual entities by the rest of the
organization. If you're such a team, you might struggle with having no one to discuss ideas
with, be challenged by, or simply to chat with. This can lead to you feeling isolated or
not engaging , and attending social events. Not only will you feel part of something bigger,
but you'll also get to hear feedback, opinions and company news. You'll also find people
who will celebrate your successes with you, and who will help you to stay motivated.
2. Make Your Voice Heard
Other people might not understand your priorities, your workload, or the limits of your
responsibilities as a team of one. They might bombard you with work requests when you're
least able to help out, and it can be hard to reply with a flat "no." But remember that you're
on your own and sometimes it's simply impossible to do everything that people ask of you.
There's no shame in this, so go easy on yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help if you
need it.
Equally, it's easy to get overlooked when you're a team of one. Your work could easily slip
under the radar if you don't hold a prominent position within your organization.
So, it's crucial to get noticed to help you to build your self-confidence and improve your
relationships at work.
3. Seek Help
No matter how good you are at your job, you can't be good at everything. Furthermore, as a
team of one, you are unlikely to have much time available to master new skills, and when
you're ill or suffer a setback, the needs of the business continue regardless.
It's important that you know your limitations and are able to seek help tools to build up a
bank of contacts who can provide you with professional support, and employ your
persuasion and negotiation skills to help you to pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses.
You could also try keeping a journal to develop your own personal development plan and
put it into action.
5. Hone Your Creative Thinking
As a team of one, you may not have access to many resources. You'll likely get by without
any backup, and you can't just turn to the person sitting next to you to ask for help.
Be prepared to get creative. You might need to tackle problems single-handedly, and devise
new products and processes by yourself. You may even have to sidestep usual workflows
just to get the job done. But, take comfort in the fact that you are probably more
resourceful and multi-faceted than bigger teams in your organization because of this.
Tip:
Just in case you don't get the support that you need and things do go wrong, be sure to
record and store a paper trail that shows what efforts you have made to put things right,
and any conversations that you have had with your manager about your situation. There
may come a time when your reputation depends on it!
Note:
Our article on Understanding Creativity , and processes like the Disney Creative
Strategy and How to Be Conscientious , procrastinate and become less productive when
you work by yourself – especially when you're faced with a full in-tray and no one to help
you to get through it. In their 1987 book, People ware, Tom DeMarco and Timothy Lister say
that it can take 15 minutes to regain lost focus, and this is time that you can ill afford to lose
when you're a team of one.
To stay on track, it's important to set realistic goals on them. Align your goals and priorities
with those of your organization, and draw up action plans
Managing Your Boundaries
Ensuring That Others Respect Your Needs
Establish and control your personal and professional boundaries.

Good fences make good neighbours. – Old proverb
Fences allow you to protect what's valuable to you. They also allow you to control who and
what enters your space.
Our personal boundaries do a similar job. They set the limits that separate us from other
people – not necessarily to exclude interaction, but to protect what matters to us, and to
control who enters our psychological space, as well as our physical space.
Boundaries also foster more productive work environments. Co-workers' differing values,
needs and beliefs sometimes lead to conflict, resentment and stress, so clearly defined
boundaries can help to prevent these negative reactions.
The #Me-too shockwave has also highlighted how important these boundaries are to all of
us, as human beings.
But, if personal boundaries are such a vital part of our interpersonal interactions, why do so
many of us struggle to build them?
This article will help you to assess, strengthen and maintain your own personal boundaries,
in order to make life easier and more rewarding for you and those around you.
Why Do I Need Boundaries?
Boundaries are a crucial part of keeping relationships mutually respectful. They help you to
look after yourself and those around you.
People who set strong personal boundaries empower , a dread of upsetting people, or a
fear of conflict. They may simply accept intrusions and interruptionsextra miler "generosity
burnout," like the following to articulate your specific needs:
 I have a right to ask for ________, because I need ________.
 It's OK to protect my time by________, because I need ________.
 I will not allow others to________, because I need _______.
This process of self-reflection and positive reinforcement will help you to develop
the emotional intelligence and let others know. They won't figure it out on their own!
The key is to be assertive more often, and to concentrate on meeting your needs.
Mind Tools Club members can learn some practical strategies for saying "no" from our
Coaching Clinic, Why Can I Never Say NO?
Effective time management is another crucial element of boundary-setting. When you put
all your energy into one thing, without taking time for both your work and personal
responsibilities, you risk overloading yourself. With good time management, you can get
things done more efficiently and effectively.
Skills such as prioritization and scheduling .
When your boundaries are under threat, look out for the negative emotions to nip
problems in the bud. Be polite but firm, and always seek to move situations toward positive
outcomes.
It may also help to keep a journal
The Breaking Point
Protect Yourself and Your New Managers From Overload
How long will it be before you crack?
A few years ago, at the height of the technology boom, I spoke with a talented young
software engineer who had been fast tracked into a management position. In a very short
period of time, he went from being a self-fulfilled, highly competent and
respected, individual producer to being a stressed out leader, no longer enjoying his job. He
confided that he had felt obliged to accept the promotion but had done so reluctantly.
He soon found that he did not enjoy having to confront chronic under-performers, didn't
know how to motivate them or hold them accountable, and was bewildered by the
multiplicity of people-related issues that consumed large parts of his day. His training had
equipped him to develop algorithms not people. Highly stressed, he was no longer "in the
flow", doing what he loved best: writing software.
Knowing that the skills we have are adequate for the job is one of the requirements
for being in the flow, that marvellous state of consciousness described by Mihaly
Csikszentmihalyi, Professor of Psychology and Management at the Drucker and Ito Graduate
School of Management at Claremont Graduate University. In his book, Flow: The Psychology
of Optimal Experience, Csikszentmihalyi explains "flow", or "being in the zone", as a state of
consciousness where we are so absorbed by what we are doing that we don't even notice
the passage of time – hours feel like minutes. I liken it to those times when we are so
enthralled in a project or a task, so engaged, that we forget to eat.
For flow to occur, we need to have a balance between our skills and the high challenges we
are tasked with. When the challenge is high, yet the skill set for the challenge is low, we are
in a state of anxiety. If this condition persists for prolonged periods of time, without relief,
we enter a cycle of stress which could lead to burnout.
Another form of stress that we are often reminded about is the stress caused by
"technology overload" – excessive e-mail, cell phones, text messaging, Blackberries and now
blogs – all of which end up creating a loss of focus and affecting productivity. Our modern
day angst of not being able to get it all done leads us to a multitasking frenzy. A recent Time
Magazine article explores the issue of multitasking and concludes that frantic multitasking
actually deludes us into thinking that we are getting a lot done, while in reality we end up
getting less done and the work quality suffers. This is particularly interesting: "When a New
York Times reporter interviewed several recent winners of McArthur 'genius' grants, a
striking number said they kept cell phones and iPods off or away when in transit so that they
could use the downtime for thinking."
A catch-all phrase for multitasking, continuous technology interruptions and the information
overload that we are bombarded with daily is "cognitive overload". Leaders are particularly
vulnerable to cognitive overload as they are typically required to consider a lot more
information than the rest of us. Interestingly, in an article by Dr Howard Gardner, The
Synthesizing Leader, which appeared in The HBR List: Breakthrough Ideas for 2006, we learn
that the single most important trait of future leaders in the developed world is the ability to
synthesize information. Synthesizing which information to consider entails, among other
things, developing standards for selection, such as source credibility and relevance. It also
involves asking questions such as "Does this information form a coherent story?" and "Do
these trends make sense?" In our data-rich world, selecting which pieces of information are
worthy of our ever shrinking attention span is a key competency for reducing stress and,
ultimately, being more effective as a leader.
Besides learning to effectively synthesize information, what can we do to help ourselves and
our constituents to minimize stress? Here are some strategies to consider:
1. Actively develop new leaders' leadership skills

Make sure that your newly-minted leaders have the appropriate tools needed for their
people management responsibilities – this is a key requirement to helping them succeed
and minimize stress. This includes mentoring, providing a relevant leadership skills
assessment to uncover strengths and areas for development, assisting in the creation of
a learning action plan and providing leadership training/or and coaching. It also means
providing ongoing support and feedback.
2. Manage new leaders' performance pro-actively and avoid under-employing people
Create conditions that allow all your team to be in "the flow" while they achieve results –
it is another way of reducing workplace-induced malaise and helping them to perform
successfully. In addition to ensuring that individuals have the skills adequate for the job,
this also entails setting and communicating clear goals and expectations and providing
immediate feedback on how well a person is performing – helping employees
understand the effect of their efforts. This means not waiting until the annual review to
have a discussion of the employees' performance and confronting them with a laundry
list of "improvements". It is also worth mentioning that keeping individuals in positions
where their skills far exceeds the challenge is also stressful, and ends up taking its toll.
Wherever possible, design jobs that take full advantage of their constituents' talents and
that continually raise the bar.
3. Reduce stress through commitment, control and challenge
Not everyone, of course, is subject to stress: Some individuals have very strong resilience
and are not only better able to cope with stress but they also thrive on stress. These are
people who do not overreact, they don't let external events derail them, they continue
to keep their eye on the ball and maintain mental resilience, no matter what goes on
around them. While everyone else is stuck on the problems, they focus on solutions and
have a one track mind: Moving forward. They don't waste time worrying about what
they can't change and focus only on their locus of control. Contrast this with the
individual who is crushed in the face of adversity, who wastes time being consumed by
the "wrongs" committed, who burns bridges and possibly never recovers from the
situation. We admire the "resilient" group. What can we learn from these people to help
us cope with the stress of adversity in the workplace? The answer is provided by Dr
Susan Kobasa and Dr Salvatore Maddi who studied employees undergoing a major
restructuring at Illinois Bell Telephone in the 1980s. Their findings are outlined in The
Hardy Executive: Health Under Stress, where we learn of the personality traits of stress
hardy people, namely, commitment, (being committed to something that is meaningful,
for example work, community, family; staying engaged and involved in ongoing events,
even in the most trying of circumstances, rather than feeling isolated); control (believing
in our ability, through our efforts, to turn events to our advantage rather than adopting a
passive and powerless victim mode) and challenge (viewing change, whether positive or
negative, as an opportunity to learn rather than as a threat). We can all benefit from
these pointers in times of stress.
4. Create a "Stop Doing" List
A concept, borrowed from Jim Colllins' Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the
Leap.and Others Don't that is useful in minimizing stress and achieving clarity of focus is
creating a "Stop Doing List". Those who built companies that went from good to great
"displayed a remarkable discipline to unplug all sorts of extraneous junk". We all have
"To Do Lists" but how many of us have created a list to isolate and halt pursuits that
don't serve us well any longer? Can you benefit from creating a Stop Doing List? What
are your energy drainers? Are these among some of the offenders that may cause you
stress: Internalizing others' criticism, fragmented boundaries, power struggles,
unprotected personal time, useless networking, continuous one-way favors? What can
you do to address these and other drainers? What can you eliminate to make room for
what energizes you and brings you closer to achieving your goals?
5. Focus on your strengths
Along those same lines, if business strategy is a cause of stress, consider reading this
focused, well-researched and insightful book: Profit from the Core: Growth Strategy in an
Era of Turbulence by Chris Zook and James Allen. The book reaffirms the timeless tenet
that focusing on your core business – that which you do best – is the most efficient way
to bring about long-term growth and profit. By refocusing on what you do best, the
authors advise, it will also be easier to spot inefficiencies that drain your business. The
concept transcends business, though: If we don't narrow down our activities to a
fundamental core from which we can grow, a strategy becomes much harder to develop.
6. Avoid fighting battles you don't need to win
Pick your battles wisely. How often have we heard this? Yet, in the heat of the moment,
do we stop for a second and think: Is this truly worth fighting for? Are you even likely to
win? An example of such a no-win battle which can easily occur in the workplace is
fighting the power behind the throne: That is, entering into a contest of wills with a
person who has no apparent authority but who has great influence. This individual is
very adept at working behind the scenes and you can easily find yourself unwittingly on
thin ice, wasting your valuable, non-renewable energy. Long ago I came across a
statement which said: Maturity is being content to know that you are right without
having to prove someone else wrong. How much stress we could eliminate if we were
guided by such a philosophy – if we decided to devote each day only to that which is
worthy of our attention – our personal achievements and our organization's
achievements?
7. Focus on your priorities
Minimizing stress also means looking at our life through a holistic lens: Addressing our
needs in each area, whether it is physical, emotional, intellectual, psychological or social.
What are some daily practices that you can introduce to create reserves in each of these
important areas of your life? Reserves help us when we feel depleted from the day's
stressors. If you need inspiration in this area, consider reading Dr John C. Maxwell, Today
Matters: 12 Daily Practices to Guarantee Tomorrow's Success. Maxwell provides 12
practical guidelines such as practicing and developing good thinking to gain an
advantage, practicing commitment to gain tenacity, pursuing growth to give us potential
and developing priorities to give us focus. On the latter, is reading and responding to
pointless e-mails the first thing you do when you start the day? What about reversing
the order? Focusing first on projects that will give you the highest returns for yourself
and your organization? Imagine the benefits of establishing this simple initiative as a
daily practice. The book is a reminder that "we choose our life by how we spend time" –
people who achieve their potential act on their priorities every day.
8. Consider promotion outside of management
Finally, it is worth mentioning that that there is another form of less advertised stress:
that of the unwelcome promotion. While everyone can be trained to be a leader, the
truth is, not everyone enjoys leading others. We can derive an inspiration from 3M, a
company which provides their technical people with parallel dual career paths, known as
the "dual ladder" system. This means that individuals can still progress in their careers in
terms of compensation and other manifestations of advancement without having to
enter the management ranks. For example, this approach honours those who excel
without forcing them to stray from their natural R & D habitat. Some individuals targeted
for a management promotion may be too reluctant to voice their apprehension for fear
of making a less than favourable impression. Management needs to be open to this
possibility and make it safe for their talented individuals to march to the beat of a
different drum.
Warning:
The software engineer who was catapulted into a leadership position went on to take on
more people management responsibilities during the downsizing that took place after the
end of the technology boom. He almost reached his breaking point and eventually moved
on to another company where he joined the rank and file, and is happily focusing on writing
software again. He has come to terms with his personal definition of success: Do what you
enjoy! As Jack Nicklaus once said, "It's difficult to excel at something you don't truly enjoy".
The Demand-Control
Materio
In a high-strain job, you have little control over your workload.
Imagine a business executive and an assembly line worker who work at the same
organization.
Both find their jobs stressful, but while the executive leaves work each day feeling content,
the assembly line worker feels exhausted and anxious. Why do these two workers feel so
different?
One way to answer this question is to look at the Demand-Control Model of Job Stress,
which argues that when people are in demanding jobs, they experience less stress if they
have control over their own work.
It’s one of the most widely studied models of occupational stress, and, although it isn’t a
new model, it’s still highly relevant. In this article, we’ll look at it, and we’ll then discuss how
you can apply its principles to your own job, and to your team.
About the Model
Robert Karasek developed the Demand-Control Model of Job Stress in 1979, and published
his findings in Administrative Science Quarterly.
In his article, he defined two key parameters that affect the amount of stress that people
experience: job demands and decision latitude.
 Job demands are stressors in the work environment, such as tight deadlines, high
targets, regular interruptions, and conflicting pressures.
 Decision latitude (also known as "autonomy") refers to the extent to which people can
control their work.
During his research, Karasek saw that people whose jobs rated high in demand but low in
decision latitude/autonomy felt more tired at the end of the day, had trouble waking in the
morning, and experienced more depression and anxiety. He also noted that when workers
in high-demand roles had more decision latitude, they experienced less stress.
Figure 1, below, illustrates Karasek's theory.

Figure 1 – Karasek's Demand-Control Model of Job Stress
Diagram reproduced from Kain and Jex (2010), © Emerald Publishing Group.
According to the model, when your role is high demand but you have little or no decision
latitude, the result is a "high-strain" job. By contrast, when high job demands are matched
with high decision latitude, the result is an "active" role, with lower stress and higher job
satisfaction.
Jobs that fall on the left-side of the model (low job demand with high or low job decision
latitude) are either "passive" or "low-strain."
Researchers have studied how applying the model can positively affect physical and
emotional health. For example, in one study, researchers looked at how the model applied
to nurses. They discovered that a group with greater perceived control and the same
objective measures of workload had lower blood pressure and levels of cortisol (a hormone
released in response to stress) than a group with less autonomy.
However, other researchers have suggested that, for younger workers, work-related
problems and time pressure were more significant predictors of job stress than a lack of
autonomy. In older workers, rigid schedules and a lack of ability to solve problems played a
greater role in predicting job stress.
Applying the Model to Your Role
Although the model has some weaknesses, it does highlight the relationship between
perceived job strain and autonomy.
You can apply its insights by building more autonomy into your job, particularly in high-
demand situations. You're likely to feel less stress and more job satisfaction as a result.
Actively Reduce Stress
First, list the tasks or situations that cause you stress. (You may need to keep a Stress
Diary or pressure points in your organization's processes, talk to your boss about whether
these processes can be improved help you understand and look after your own needs.
They're essential in a high-strain role, when people and tasks are competing for your time.
Once you've set your boundaries, monitor them carefully. If you find that they're regularly
ignored, rehearse ways to restate your needs assertively – our article "'Yes' to the Person,
'No' to the Task" . Short deadlines or tasks that fall outside your normal responsibilities can
cause your stress levels to spike, especially if they happen regularly. Learn to say "no" when
you feel that a demand isn't reasonable.
Build Good Relationships
When you feel supported at work, and you make time to support your colleagues, you'll
likely experience much less stress. Sometimes, a reassuring chat with a trusted colleague
can go a long way to lowering your stress levels, when you've had a tough day.
This is why it's important to build good work relationships when you need to focus on a
particular task. Small actions can make a big difference: shut your office door, turn off your
cell phone and email alerts, and consider using an automatic email response to let people
know that you are currently not available.
Warning:
Applying the Model to Your Team
If you manage people in high-stress roles, you can also use Karasek's model to increase your
team members' autonomy.
Where appropriate, give your team members more freedom to make their own decisions.
For example, once you've assigned a task, take a step back, and let them decide how they
want to do the work.
You can also help your team members develop greater autonomy by coaching them on the
concept of the Locus of Control . People who can choose when or where they work often
feel that they have more autonomy than those who work set hours.
Tip:
Keep in mind that not all employees thrive with higher autonomy. For example, some
people find it difficult to stay on task without supervision and direction.
Use your judgment to determine whether team members want more freedom. Our
article "Helping People Take Responsibility"
Dealing With Guilt
Gaining Positive Outcomes From Negative Emotions
If you're guilty, confess and make amends.

Are you feeling guilty about something?
Maybe you made a less than complimentary comment about one team member to another.
Or perhaps you're torn between the needs of home and work, and fear you're not giving
enough time or attention to either.
No matter the situation, guilt can be a terrible burden to bear. If not dealt with, it can gnaw
at you, and drag you down. You might even avoid others in an attempt to hide your guilt, or
act irrationally because of how you feel.
But guilt can also be a very useful emotion. At its most constructive, it reminds you that you
can do better in the future, according to research. Experiencing it also shows that you have
moral and ethical standards, and empathy.
Sometimes, though, we feel guilt unreasonably, for things that just aren't our fault. This can
be damaging if left unchecked.
This article talks you through the different kinds of guilt, and explains how to deal with
them.
Why Do I Feel Guilty?
Guilt is the emotion we feel if we let ourselves or others down by failing to meet a particular
standard. This standard may be widely acknowledged (missing a deadline and delaying a
project, say). It can also be self-imposed: a personal perception that you haven't lived up to
your values straight away, and make your apology unconditional. Don't try to justify your
actions or shift blame to other people, even if they were involved. Just acknowledge the
anger, frustration or pain you've caused.
Simply getting the issue out into the open like this can do a lot to rectify the situation. You
may even find that the person is already "over it." But, if the person you've hurt doesn't
immediately accept your apology, you'll have at least acknowledged and taken responsibility
for your actions.
Make Amends Quickly
Find a way to put the situation right .

Making positive changes will improve your interactions with others and will help prevent
repeated feelings of guilt. Try approaching your manager for help with behaviors you'd like
to address, too: she may be able to offer you training or advice.
Accept and Move On
If you've done everything that you possibly can to make amends, and to prevent the same
situation happening again, let the guilt go. The sooner you put your guilt behind you, the
sooner you can focus on more productive activity. Mindfulness . This can help you to
understand and regulate your own emotions, so that you can manage your guilt
appropriately.
Tip:
If you struggle to move on, adopt the same approach you'd use with a friend – odds are, if
he apologized for his actions, you'd accept the apology and move on. Treat yourself with the
same compassion, otherwise, you risk tipping into unhealthy guilt.
How to Deal With Unhealthy Guilt
Unhealthy guilt has none of the benefits that healthy guilt can bring, and it can be hard to
beat. With the right strategies, however, it is possible to manage your feelings and to
achieve a more balanced perspective.
Be Realistic About What You Can Control
Start by listing what you can honestly control about a situation. Then list the things that you
can't. Keep in mind that you are only responsible for your actions, not for what others think
or do.
If your second list is longer, your guilt is likely unfounded and unproductive.
Disregard the things that you can't control. Focus on the elements of the situation that
you can do something about, and where appropriate, create a plan to address these.
Use Affirmations
You can combat constant or repetitive unjustified guilt by quieting negative self-talk for an
objective viewpoint. Follow this up by using affirmations have done well.
Take time out to reflect, and challenge your perfectionist behaviors you to make you feel
guilty in order to control your behavior. Some people are particularly good at spotting when
their co-workers are feeling guilty about something and leveraging this.
Consider the manager who continually asks team members to work long hours "for the good
of the team," and subtly suggests that anyone seeking a good work-life balance is "not a
team player." This may trigger guilt, with no good reason behind it.
Stand up for yourself in these situations and, if you're certain that you're not in the wrong,
get your message across confidently .
Warning:
The negative thinking associated with unhealthy guilt can stem from conditions such as
depression, burnout or OCD, and cause severe health problems. In extreme cases, it can
even lead to death.
The techniques in this article can have a positive effect on reducing unhealthy guilt, but they
are for guidance only. Always take the advice of qualified health professionals if you have
concerns over related illnesses, or if constant feelings of guilt are causing significant or
persistent unhappiness.
Key Points
Guilt causes stress and reduces workplace effectiveness. If not addressed it can seriously
hinder relationships and contribute to psychological problems.
There are two main types of guilt. Healthy guilt involves accepting that you've done wrong,
and using it as a prompt to improve your relationships and behaviors by:
 Apologizing.
 Making amends.
 Changing your behaviour.
 Accepting your faults and moving on.
Unhealthy guilt is when you feel guilty for things that are imaginary or beyond your control.
It can be hard to shift, but you can manage your feelings by:
 Understanding what you can and can't control.
 Challenging your own standards.
 Affirming the positive aspects of the situation.
 Being assertive with those who seek to make you feel guilty.
Annotate
Are You a Positive or Negative Thinker?
Learn About – and Change – How You Think
What's your outlook on life?
"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."– Mahatma
Gandhi, Indian leader
"Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will."– Zig Ziglar,
personal development guru
These are two powerful quotes. Combined, they tell us that if we think positively, we're
likely to enjoy positive results. Negative thinking, on the other hand, can lead to outcomes
we don't want.
Positive and negative thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies: what we expect can
often come true.
If you start off thinking you will mess up a task, the chances are that you will: you may not
try hard enough to succeed, you won't attract support from other people, and you may not
perceive any results as good enough.
Positive thinking, on the other hand, is often associated with positive actions and outcomes.
You're drawn to, and you focus on, the positive aspects of a situation. You have hope and
faith in yourself and others, and you work and invest hard to prove that your optimism is
warranted. You'll enthuse others, and they may well "pitch in" to help you. This makes
constructive outcomes all the more likely.
When it comes down to it, positive, optimistic people are happier and healthier, and enjoy
more success than those who think negatively. The key difference between them is how
they think about and interpret the events in their life.
So, how do you think about your successes and failures? Do you have a predictable thinking
pattern? Find out below.
Are You a Positive or Negative Thinker?
Instructions
For each statement, click the button in the column that best describes you. Please answer
questions as you actually are (rather than how you think you should be), and don't worry if
some questions seem to score in the "wrong direction." When you are finished, please click
the "Calculate My Total" button at the bottom of the test.
Not
Very
14 Statements to Answer at Rarely Sometimes Often
Often
All
1When my boss or a customer asks

to speak with me, I instinctively
assume that he or she wants to
discuss a problem or give me
negative feedback.
2When I experience real difficulty

at work/home, I also feel negative
about other parts of my life.
3When I experience a setback, I

tend to believe the obstacle will
endure for the long-term, e.g. "The
funding didn't come through, so I
guess that means they hate the
project. All that work for nothing."
4When a team I am on is
functioning poorly, I believe that
the cause is short-term and has a
straightforward solution. For
example, "We're not working well
at the moment, but if we can fix
this problem, then we'll do much
better!"
5When I'm not chosen for an

assignment I really want, I tend to
believe that I just don't have the
specific skills they are looking for
right now, as opposed to thinking I
am generally unskilled.
Not
Very
Often
All
6When something happens that I

don't like or appreciate, I can tend
to conclude that the cause is
widespread in nature and will
continue to plague me. For
example, "My assistant didn't 'cc'
me on that email she sent to my
boss. Administrative assistants are
all out to prove how much smarter
they are than their supervisors."
7When I perform very well on an

assignment, I believe that it's
because I'm generally talented and
smart, as opposed to thinking I am
good in that one very specific area.
8When I receive a reward or

recognition, I can tend to figure
that luck or fate played more of a
role than my actual work or skill.
For example, "They asked me to be
the key note speaker at the
conference next year. I guess the
other guys were all busy."
9When I come up with a really

good idea, I am surprised by my
creativity. I figure it is my lucky day,
and caution myself not to get used
to the feeling.
10When something bad happens at

work, I see the contributions that
everyone made to the mistake, as
opposed to thinking that I am
incompetent and to blame.
11After winning an
award/recognition/contract, I
Not
Very
Often
All
believe it's because I am better

than the competition. For example,
"We won that large contract
against two strong competitors.
We're simply better than they are."
12As the leader, when my team

completes a project, I tend to
attribute the success to the hard
work and dedication of the team
members, as opposed to my skilled
leadership.
13When I make a decision that

proves to be successful, it's
because I have expertise on the
subject and analyzed that
particular problem really well, as
opposed to being generally a
strong decision maker.
14When I achieve a long-term and

personally challenging goal, I
congratulate myself, and think
about all the skills that I used in
order to be successful.
Total = 0
Score Comment
Yikes! It must feel like there is a rain cloud that hangs overhead all day. You
have gotten yourself into the habit of seeing things as your fault and you've
learned to give up your control in many situations. Taking this quiz is the first
14- step toward turning your pessimism around. Read the rest of this article
31 carefully, and use the exercises daily. Start now! (Read below to start.)
You try to be optimistic and positive however some situations get the better
32- of you. Identify your triggers for negative thinking and use rational thinking
50 exercises to become naturally more optimistic. (Read below to start.)
Great job! You have a generally positive and optimistic outlook on life. You
51- don't take things personally and you are able to see that setbacks won't ruin
70 the rest of your life. (Read below for more.)
Turn Negatives into Positives
The first step in changing negative thinking is to become aware of it. For many of us,
negative thinking is a bad habit – and we may not even know we're doing it!
Consider this example: The guy on the subway who just made a face is surely directing his
behavior at you. When the receptionist doesn't greet you in the morning, you must have
done something to anger her. Again! You go straight to the coffee machine, because it's
Monday morning and you just know you'll be solving problems until lunchtime. When you
finally get to your desk, your assistant is waiting for you. "Oh no," you think. "What has he
done now? The first problem of the day. Yippee!"
If you're feeling bad after reading this, imagine how it would feel to surround yourself with
that much negativity. Then ask yourself if this is the way you tend to think in your own life?
Dr Martin Seligman, who has been described as America's most influential psychologist, has
done extensive research on thought patterns. In particular, he looks at the impact of an
optimistic versus pessimistic outlook on life and success.
Seligman says we explain events using three basic dimensions of Permanence,

Pervasiveness and Personalization, with optimistic people on one end of the scale and
pessimistic people on the other. We look at these below.
Permanence
(Questions 3, 4, 9, 11)
Believing that something we are experiencing is either permanent or temporary. A low score
implies that you think bad times will carry on forever. A high score shows confidence that
you'll be able to get things back on course quickly.
Pessimist: I lost my job and I'll never find one as good again. No point even looking!
Optimist: I lost my job. Thank goodness there are other opportunities I can explore!
Pervasiveness
(Questions 2, 5, 6, 7, 13)
Believing that situational factors cause an effect or that the effect is evidence of more
universal factors at work. A low score shows that you tend to think that if you've
experienced a problem in one place, you'll experience that problem wherever you go.
Pessimist: I lost my job. Companies are all the same; all they care about is money. I don't
know why I bother putting in any effort at all.
Optimist: I lost my job. It's too bad our company has to reinvent itself to stay competitive.
Thankfully I learned some great transferable skills!
Personalization
(Questions 1, 8, 10, 12, 14)
Believing that something about you influenced the outcome or that something external to
you caused it. A low score indicates that you tend to blame yourself for bad things, rather
than attributing the cause to more general factors.
Pessimist: I lost my job. If I had been a decent employee they would have found a new job
for me.
Optimist: I lost my job. I gave it my all, however they just can't use my skill set right now.
Re-shape Your Thinking
Your answers to the questions in this quiz can show whether you have a positive or negative
pattern of thinking. They're also great starting points to become more aware of your
thoughts - and the effect they have on your life.
When you're more aware of the way you think, you can take action to use positive
situations to your advantage, and re-shape the negative ones. The goal is to think positively,
regardless of the situation, and make a conscious effort to see opportunities instead of
obstacles.
So, in our example, if you immediately think the receptionist is mad at you because she
didn't say hello, how rational is that? Could she have been busy or distracted when you
walked by? Did you say hello to her? Maybe she wasn't feeling well, or she was in a negative
mood herself. These are all more rational reasons for her behavior than simply assuming
that you did something wrong.
To help you start thinking positively, see our comprehensive article on Thought Awareness,
Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking
Positive Thinking, Thought Awareness, and Rational Thinking
Quite often, the way we feel about a situation comes from our perception of it. Often that
perception is right, but sometimes it isn't.
For instance, sometimes we're unreasonably harsh with ourselves, or we can jump to wrong
conclusion about people's motives. This can cause problems and make us unhappy, and it
can lead us to be unfair to others.
Positive Thinking, Thought Awareness, and Rational Thinking are simple tools that help you
turn this around.
Volume 90%
Psychological of Stress and the Coping Process," is that it occurs when someone thinks
that the demands on them "exceed the personal and social resources that the individual is
able to mobilize."
In becoming stressed, people must make two main judgments:
1. First, they must feel threatened by the situation.
2. They must judge whether their capabilities and resources are sufficient to meet the
threat.
How stressed someone feels depends on how much damage they think the situation can
cause them, and how far their resources meet the demands of the situation.
Perception is key to this as (technically) situations are not stressful in their own right. Rather
it's our interpretation of the situation that drives the level of stress that we feel. Quite
obviously, sometimes we are right in what we say to ourselves. Some situations may
actually be dangerous, and may threaten us physically, socially, or in our career. Here, stress
and emotion are part of the "early warning system" that alerts us to the threat from these
situations.
Very often, however, we are overly harsh and unjust to ourselves, in a way that we would
never be with friends or team members. This, along with other negative thinking, can cause
intense stress and unhappiness, and can severely undermine our self-confidence.
Three Steps to Positive Thinking
1. Understanding Thought Awareness

You're thinking negatively when you fear the future, put yourself down, criticize yourself for
errors, doubt your abilities, or expect failure. Negative thinking damages your confidence,
harms your performance, and paralyzes your mental skills.
A major problem with this is that negative thoughts tend to flit into our consciousness, do
their damage and flit back out again, with their significance having barely been noticed.
Since we do not challenge them, they can be completely incorrect and wrong. However, this
does not diminish their harmful effect.
Thought Awareness is the process by which you observe your thoughts and become aware
of what is going through your head.
One way to become more aware of your thoughts is to observe your stream of
consciousness as you think about a stressful situation. Do not suppress any thoughts:
instead, just let them run their course while you watch them, and write them down
on worksheet as they occur.
Another more general approach to Thought Awareness comes with logging stress in a Stress
Diary help you to build self-confidence. By basing your affirmations on the clear, rational
assessments of facts that you made using Rational Thinking, you can undo the damage that
negative thinking may have done to your self-confidence.
Tip:
Your affirmations will be strongest if they are specific, are expressed in the present tense,
and have strong emotional content.
Continuing the examples above, positive affirmations might be:
 Feelings of inadequacy: "I am well trained for this. I have the experience, the tools, and
the resources that I need. I have thought-through and prepared for all possible issues. I
can do a really good job."
 Worries about performance: "I have researched and planned well for this, and I
thoroughly understand the problem. I have the time, resources and help that I need. I
am well prepared to do an excellent job."
 Problems with issues outside your control: "We have thought about everything that
might reasonably happen, and have planned how we can handle all likely contingencies.
Everyone is ready to help where necessary. We are very well placed to react flexibly and
effectively to unusual events."
 Worry about other people's reaction: "I am well-prepared and am doing the best I can.
Fair people will respect this. I will rise above any unfair criticism in a mature and
professional way."
If appropriate, write these affirmations down on your worksheet, so that you can use them
when you need them.
As well as allowing you to structure useful affirmations, part of Positive Thinking is to look at
opportunities that the situation might offer to you and your team. In the examples above,
successfully overcoming these situations will open up opportunities. You'll gain new skills,
you'll be seen as someone who can handle difficult challenges, and you may open up new
career opportunities.
Make sure that you take the time to identify these opportunities and focus on them as part
of your positive thoughts.
Tip:
In the past, people have advocated thinking positively almost recklessly, as if it is a solution
to everything. The approach should be used with common sense, though. First, decide
rationally what goals you can realistically attain with hard work, and then use positive
thinking to reinforce these.
Key Points
This set of tools helps you to manage and counter the stress of negative thinking.
Thought Awareness helps you identify the negative thinking, unpleasant memories, and
misinterpretation of situations that may interfere with your performance and damage your
self-confidence. This allows you to deal with them.
Rational Thinking helps you to challenge these negative thoughts and either learn from
them, or refute them as incorrect.
You can then use Positive Thinking to create positive affirmations that you can use to
counter negative thoughts. These affirmations neutralize negative thoughts and build your
self-confidence. You can also use this approach to find the opportunities that are almost
always present, to some degree, in a difficult situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Reducing Stress by Changing Your Thinking
Turn negative into positive.

Michael has just handed a report to his boss, Jan. She reads it, thanks him for his work, and
makes a number of small criticisms.
Unfortunately, one of these comments "touches a raw nerve" with Michael, and he storms
back to his office feeling angry and upset.
Michael knows that he needs to get over this, so that his negative mood doesn't affect
others. He takes a few deep breaths, and writes down why he felt attacked by Jan. He then
remembers that the overall quality of his work impressed her, and that she wants him to
improve and grow. He also enjoyed working on the project, and, deep down, he knows he
did a good job. After taking a few minutes to reframe the situation, Michael no longer feels
angry. He calls Jan to apologize for his behavior, and then uses her suggestions to improve
his report.
In this situation, Michael used cognitive restructuring to overcome negative, reactive

thinking. We'll look at how you can use cognitive restructuring in this article.
What Is Cognitive Restructuring?
Cognitive restructuring is a useful technique for understanding unhappy feelings and moods,
and for challenging the sometimes-wrong "automatic beliefs" that can lie behind them. As
such, you can use it to reframe the unnecessary negative thinking that we all experience
from time to time.
Bad moods are unpleasant, they can reduce the quality of your performance, and they
undermine your relationships with others. Cognitive restructuring helps you to change the
negative or distorted thinking that often lies behind these moods. As such, it helps you
approach situations in a more positive frame of mind.
Cognitive restructuring was developed by psychologist Albert Ellis in the mid-1950s, based
on the earlier work of others, and it's a core component in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
(CBT). You can use CBT to control and change negative thoughts, which are sometimes
linked with damaging behaviours.
Applications
Cognitive restructuring has been used successfully to treat a wide variety of conditions,
including depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), addictions, anxiety, social
phobias, relationship issues, and stress.
For example, a 2007 study found that cognitive restructuring helped participants who
experienced severe grief, while a 2003 study discovered that it reduced the symptoms and
effects of PTSD.
These uses are beyond the scope of this article, and you should consult a qualified medical
practitioner if you are experiencing issues like these. However, you can use the technique
yourself to reframe less serious, day-to-day negative thoughts.
For example, you can use it to overcome negative thinking before you speak in
public and fear of success .
How to Use Cognitive Restructuring
Follow the steps below to use the cognitive restructuring technique.

This framework is based on the 7-column Thought Record copyrighted by Christine A.
Padesky, appearing in "Mind Over Mood," which is well worth reading for a deeper
understanding of this technique.
Step 1: Calm Yourself
If you're still upset or stressed by the thoughts you want to explore, you may find it hard to
concentrate on using the tool. Use meditation to calm yourself down if you feel particularly
stressed or upset.
Step 2: Identify the Situation
Start by describing the situation that triggered your negative mood.
Step 3: Analyze Your Mood
Next, write down the mood, or moods, that you felt during the situation.
Here, moods are the fundamental feelings that we have, but they are not thoughts about
the situation. Drs Greenberger and Padesky suggest an easy way to distinguish moods from
thoughts: you can usually describe moods in one word, while thoughts are more complex.
For example, "He trashed my suggestion in front of my co-workers" would be a thought,

while the associated moods might be humiliation, frustration, anger, or insecurity.
Step 4: Identify Automatic Thoughts
Now, write down the natural reactions, or "automatic thoughts," you experienced when you
felt the mood. In the example above, your thoughts might be:
 "Maybe my analysis skills aren't good enough."
 "Have I failed to consider these things?"
 "He hasn't liked me since…"
 "He's so rude and arrogant!"
 "No one likes me."
 "But my argument is sound."
 "This undermines my future with this company."
In this example, the most distressing thoughts (the "hot thoughts") are likely to be "Maybe
my analysis skills aren't good enough," and, "No one likes me."
Step 5: Find Objective Supportive Evidence
Identify the evidence that objectively supports your automatic thoughts. In our example,
you might write the following:
 "The meeting moved on and decisions were made, but my suggestion was ignored."
 "He identified a flaw in one of my arguments."
Your goal is to look objectively at what happened, and then to write down specific events or
comments that led to your automatic thoughts.
Step 6: Find Objective Contradictory Evidence
Next, identify and write down evidence that contradicts the automatic thought. In our
example, this might be:
 "The flaw was minor and did not alter the conclusions."
 "The analysis was objectively sound, and my suggestion was realistic and well-founded."
 "I was top of my class when I trained in the analysis method."
 "My clients respect my analysis, and my opinion."
As you can see, these statements are fairer and more rational than the reactive thoughts.
Step 7: Identify Fair and Balanced Thoughts
By this stage, you've looked at both sides of the situation. You should now have the
information you need to take a fair, balanced view of what happened.
If you still feel uncertain, discuss the situation with other people, or test the question in
some other way.
When you come to a balanced view, write these thoughts down. The balanced thoughts in
this example might now include:
 "I am good at this sort of analysis. Other people respect my abilities."
 "My analysis was reasonable, but not perfect."
 "There was an error, but it didn't affect the validity of the conclusions."
 "The way he handled the situation was not appropriate."

 "People were surprised and a little shocked by the way he handled my suggestion." (This
comment would have followed an informal conversation with other people at the
meeting.)
Step 8: Monitor Your Present Mood
You should now have a clearer view of the situation, and you're likely to find that your mood
has improved. Write down how you feel.
Next, reflect on what you could do about the situation. (By taking a balanced view, the
situation may cease to be important, and you might decide that you don't need to take
action.)
Finally, create some positive affirmations

Guided Imagery
Mental Stress Management
Imagine a relaxing scene to calm your mind and body in times of stress.
Imagine that you are soon going to give a presentation to your organization's executive
team, and you just can't seem to focus.
You're nervous and stressed, and when you try to rehearse your opening lines, your mind
goes completely blank. The more you try to practice your material, the more stressed you
feel!
So, you take a break, you close your eyes, and you remember the last vacation that you took
in the mountains. You think of the gentle stream where you stopped to rest. You can hear
the birdsong, smell the clean air, and feel the sun's warmth on your skin. You slowly begin to
relax as you imagine this peaceful scene, and your heart rate and breathing slow down.
When you open your eyes a few minutes later, you feel relaxed and in control, and you have
no trouble remembering your opening lines.
Have you ever used your imagination to escape, or cope with a stressful situation? If so, you
were using "guided imagery" to relax. In this article, we'll look at how to use imagery to
manage stress, and we'll discuss how you can use this technique to cope with difficult
situations.
What Is Guided Imagery?
Guided imagery is a stress management technique, where you use your imagination to
picture a person, place, or time that makes you feel relaxed, peaceful and happy. Imagery is
slightly different from other stress management techniques, in that it relies on the use of all
of your senses.
For instance, in your imagination you hear the sound of birds chirping, you see the drops of
dew on the grass, you feel the breeze on your skin, you smell the wildflowers, and you taste
the cold drink. In imagery, using all of your senses is what creates such a powerfully relaxing
experience, and this is why it's so useful in managing stress and coping with difficult
situations.
There are several other ways that you can use imagery to help you relax. For example, you
could create mental pictures of stress flowing out of your body, or of your problems, your
distractions, and your everyday concerns being folded away and stashed in a padlocked
chest.
Some people are sceptical about the effectiveness of using imagery. However, research
suggests that it can be incredibly effective in lowering your stress levels.
For instance, one study found that using stress management techniques alongside
relaxation imagery, and even just using imagery alone, significantly reduced participants'
blood pressure. Another study, which researched the effectiveness of imagery on breast
cancer patients, found similar benefits: patients who used imagery to cope with their
disease experienced less stress, more vigor, and a higher quality of life than those who
didn't use the technique.
As well as these examples, many other studies have successfully used imagery to lower
stress in patients suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome, abuse, depression, and
other conditions, including occupational stress.
Note:
Imagery is similar to Visualization
Using Affirmations
Harnessing Positive Thinking
Use affirmations to climb out of a negative mindset and into the light.
"I'm never going to be able to do this job; I'm just not smart enough."
"Why does my boss want me to present at the trade show? I'm a terrible public speaker, and
I'll just embarrass the company."
"I wish I could stick up for myself at work. In every meeting, I let the others walk over my
ideas. I'm never going to get ahead."
Many of us have negative thoughts like these, sometimes frequently. When we think like
this, our confidence, mood and outlook can become negative, too.
The problem with negative thoughts is that they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. We
talk ourselves into believing that we're not good enough. And, as a result, these thoughts
drag down our personal lives, our relationships, and our careers.
But, if we deliberately do the opposite and use positive thoughts about ourselves, the effect
can be just as powerful but far more helpful.
In this article, we'll explore how you can use affirmations to drive positive change in your
career, and in your life in general.
What Are Affirmations, and Do They Work?
Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-
sabotaging , using affirmations to remind yourself of your values can spur you on to change
your behaviour.
Note:
There is evidence that the higher your self-esteem, the more effective affirmations can be.
However, this research also found that if you have low self-esteem, positive affirmations
actually make you feel worse, because they set up a conflict between the positive state you
desire and the negative feelings you currently experience. If this applies to you, work
on Boosting Your Self-Esteem . So, instead of just picturing the change you'd like to see, you
can also write it down or say it aloud using a positive affirmation.
Affirmations are also useful when setting personal goals and the things that most matter to
you, so that you'll feel genuinely motivated to achieve them.
Be sure that your affirmation is credible and achievable. Base it on a realistic assessment
of the facts. For instance, imagine that you're unhappy with the level of pay that you
currently receive. You could use affirmations to raise your confidence to ask for a raise.
However, it probably wouldn't be wise to affirm to yourself that you're going to double your
salary: for most people, and most organizations, doubling what you're earning in one go
isn't feasible. Keep it realistic! After all, affirmations are not magic spells – if you can't
believe in them, it's unlikely they'll impact your life.
Turn negatives into positives. If you are struggling with negative self-talk, note down the
persistent thoughts or beliefs that are bothering you. Then choose an affirmation that is the
opposite of that thought and belief.
For example, if you habitually think, "I'm not talented enough to progress in my career,"
turn this around and write a positive affirmation such as, "I am a skilled and experienced
professional."
Write your affirmation in the present tense. Write and speak your affirmation as if it's
already happening. This helps you to believe that the statement is true right now. For
instance, "I am well-prepared and well-rehearsed, and I can give a great presentation"
would be a great affirmation to use if you feel nervous speaking in front of a group.
Say it with feeling. Affirmations can be more effective when they carry emotional weight.
You need to want this change to happen, so every affirmation that you choose to repeat
should be a phrase that's meaningful to you. For example, if you're worried about a new
project that you've been tasked with, you could tell yourself, "I am really excited to take on
new challenges."
Examples of Affirmations
By definition, your affirmation will be personal to you, and specific to what you want to
achieve or change, but the following examples may provide some inspiration:
 I have plenty of creativity for this project.
 My work will be recognized in a positive way by my boss and colleagues.
 I can do this!
 My team respects and values my opinion.
 I am successful.
 I am honest in my life, and my work.
 I like completing tasks and projects on time.
 I'm grateful for the job I have.
 I enjoy working with my team.
 I'm bringing a positive attitude to work every day.
 I am excellent at what I do.
 I am generous.
 I am happy.
 I will be a leader in my organization.

Tip:
The use of affirmations is just one way to make positive changes to your life. You can also
use techniques such as Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking . You
may also want to take our quiz, Are You a Positive or Negative Thinker?
The ABC Technique
Overcoming Pessimistic Thinking
Robyn has worked hard on a report all week. The deadline was tight, and, as she hands it
over to her boss for an initial read-through, she swells with pride. She knows her boss is
going to commend the quality of her work.
However, as her boss reads it, she develops a small frown. A moment later, she hands the
report back to Robyn.
"I think you did a good job," she says. "If you'll just rework section two and add the figures I
sent over last night, this will be ready to present to the board."
Robyn heads back to her office, crushed. She worked so hard, and her boss thinks the report
is lousy. She adds the new figures with a sinking heart, wondering how long it will be before
she's demoted or fired. For the rest of the day, she can't get the image of her boss's frown
out of her mind. Her mood is down, she's listless, and her work suffers. She even misses a
sale with a key client, because she's not on her game.
Clearly, Robyn is blowing the situation way out of proportion. With her pessimistic outlook,
she has assumed the worst, and has turned a small setback into a disaster.
How about you? Are you an optimist? Or would you have reacted in the same way as
Robyn?
Volume 90%
So, how can you reset your own ABC pattern?
Step 1: Track Your Inner Dialog
Begin by keeping a diary for several days. Your goal is to listen to your inner dialog,
especially when you encounter a stressful or difficult situation.
For each situation, write down the adversity you experienced, the beliefs you formed after
encountering the adversity, and the consequences of those beliefs.
Consequences can be anything, from happy or unhappy thoughts and feelings, to specific
actions that you took.
Example
Adversity: A colleague criticized my product idea in front of the team during our weekly
meeting.
Belief: She's right; it was a dumb idea. I don't have much of an imagination, and now the
entire team can see how uncreative I am. I should never have spoken up!
Consequences: I felt stupid and didn't speak up for the rest of the meeting. I don't want to
attend any of the other team meetings this week, and have already made an excuse to avoid
tomorrow's meeting.
Step 2: Analyse Results
Once you've written down several ABC situations, take a look at what you have found.
Here, you need to look for patterns in your thinking, specifically, how any broad beliefs have
led to specific consequences.
To be optimistic, you need to change your beliefs following adversity. This, in turn, leads to
more positive consequences.
Step 3: Use Distraction and Disputation
As you can see, the beliefs you develop after encountering adversity play a major role in
your life, and determine whether you're an optimistic or pessimistic thinker. This makes it
important to manage negative ABC patterns.
There are two ways to override these: distraction and disputation.
Distraction
If you want to interrupt your negative thoughts, you need to distract yourself. Simply telling
yourself "not to think negatively" isn't going to work: you need to interrupt the cycle.
To do this, try distracting yourself when you start creating negative beliefs.
For example, you could wear a rubber band around your wrist. After you've gone through a
stressful situation, and when you begin to formulate negative thoughts and beliefs as a
result, snap the rubber band against your skin. This physical sting will remind you to step out
of the cycle of negative thinking.
Once you've interrupted your negative thoughts, you need to shift your attention
somewhere else. Concentrate intently on something else for a minute.
Disputation
Although distraction is useful for interrupting negative thinking, a more permanent solution
is to dispute them. Think of Disputation as a "D" after ABC.
To dispute your negative thoughts and beliefs, you argue with yourself rationally. In
particular, you look for the mistaken assumptions about your explanatory style that we
talked about earlier.
We'll use the previous example to illustrate this technique, below.
Adversity: A colleague criticized my product idea in front of the team during our weekly
meeting.
Belief: She's right; it was a dumb idea. I don't have much of an imagination, and now the
entire team can see how uncreative I am. I should never have spoken up!
Consequences: I felt stupid and didn't speak up for the rest of the meeting. I don't want to
attend any of the other team meetings this week, and have already made an excuse to avoid
tomorrow's meeting.
Disputation: I'm blowing this out of proportion. My colleague had every right to criticize my
idea; it was nothing personal, and her critique was spot on. She even commended my
creative thinking once the meeting was over. All I need to do is think my ideas through a bit
better next time.
Tip 1:
Disputing negative thoughts is also a good way to build self-confidence
Perfectionism
Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking
Have you ever been labeled a "perfectionist"? Or do you consider yourself to be one?
While we all need to do high quality work, excessive perfectionism can do more harm than
good. For instance, it can be damaging to your self-esteem and to that of the people you
work with. It can put a strain on your relationships, and, in some cases, it can lead to health
issues.
In this article and in the video, below, we'll look at why excessive perfectionism is unhealthy,
and we'll think about what you can do to overcome it.
Adaptive perfectionists work on developing their skills. Their standards are always rising,
and they approach work with optimism, pleasure, and a desire to improve. This is clearly a
healthy type of perfectionism.
Maladaptive perfectionists, however, are never satisfied with what they achieve. If
something isn't perfect, they dismiss it. They may experience fear of failure . Perfectionists
see their own self-worth tied in to what they achieve, and they believe that others judge
them on this as well. Because they're never satisfied with their achievements, they can
never live up to the standards they set for themselves. This can lead to a downward spiral of
self-criticism and blame.
Procrastination
Perfectionism is closely linked to procrastination . Come up with several lifetime goals and
then break these down into yearly and monthly goals. It can feel great to achieve these
smaller goals!
Tip:
Perfectionists often put their wants and needs aside to live up to the real or imagined
expectations of others. Focus on your own dreams!
2. Listen to Your Emotions
Whenever you're feeling anxious, unhappy, or scared about a task, ask yourself whether
you've set your goal too high. Your emotions may be telling you that you're trying to achieve
an unrealistic goal.
If you catch yourself engaging in self-sabotage , which are positive statements about
yourself and your abilities. Affirmations can raise your self-esteem and reprogram your
thinking. Remember, you always have a choice in what you think and do.
3. Don't Fear Mistakes
Mistakes are part of life. They can even provide rich learning experiences, if you have the
courage to examine them. Your mistakes can teach you far more about life and your abilities
than your successes will.
Make a real effort to learn from each mistake that you make. You'll grow as a result.
4. Readjust Your Personal Rules
Perfectionists often live by a rigid set of rules. These rules could range from "I must never
make mistakes" to "There must never be a crumb on the kitchen countertop." Although it's
healthy to have high personal standards, they need to be flexible and helpful, not
unrelenting and unrealistic.
Identify one rule you live by that's rigid, unfair, or unhelpful. Then reword it to be more
helpful, flexible, and forgiving.
For instance, imagine you never suggest new ideas during team brainstorming meetings,
because there's never enough time to think them through. You fear suggesting an idea that
might make you look bad, so you always keep quiet. Your personal rule is that you should
never offer an idea until you've had plenty of time to perfect it.
You could readjust this rule by saying, "Ideas don't have to be perfect during brainstorming
sessions. The team's purpose is to take rough ideas, talk them through, and determine
whether they're sound. My team will appreciate my input." Then put your new rule into
practice!
5. Focus on the Whole
Perfectionists often exhibit "tunnel vision": they focus on one small part of something and
ignore the rest. For instance, if you're on a diet, you might obsess about slipping up and
eating dessert at lunch, while ignoring the fact that you've stuck to your diet for the past
three weeks.
Challenge this by making an effort to look at what you've done right. Don't focus exclusively
on the negative!
6. Watch What You Tell Yourself
Whenever you tell yourself that you "must," "should," or "shouldn't" do something, pay
attention to how this demand makes you feel: perfectionists often use these words when
they're setting up personal rules. Some examples are "I must never make mistakes" or "I
should have done that job instead of delegating it."
Be careful using these words in your thinking; they can often lead you to create unrealistic
expectations.
7. Relax and Be More Spontaneous
Perfectionists often find it difficult to relax and be spontaneous. Relaxation and spontaneity
are not only necessary for a healthy life, but they can also improve your productivity and
well-being.
Take regular breaks when you're at work to stretch, walk around, or do deep breathing
exercises
Overcoming Fear of Failure
Facing Your Fear of Moving Forward
Overcome your fear of failure to keep moving forward to your goals.

Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all? Or
has a fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid
the possibility of a larger failure?
Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another. The fear of failing can be
immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward. But when
we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great
opportunities along the way.
In this article, we'll examine fear of failure: what it means, what causes it, and how to
overcome it to enjoy true success in work, and in life.
Causes of Fear of Failure
To find the causes of fear of failure, we first need to understand what "failure" actually
means.
We all have different definitions of failure, simply because we all have different
benchmarks, values, and belief systems. A failure to one person might simply be a great
learning experience for someone else.
Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But fear of failure (also called
"atychiphobia") is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that can move us
forward to achieve our goals.
Fear of failure can be linked to many causes. For instance, having critical or unsupportive
parents is a cause for some people. Because they were routinely undermined or humiliated
in childhood, they carry those negative feelings into adulthood.
Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a cause. For example,
say that several years ago you gave an important presentation in front of a large group, and
you did very poorly. The experience might have been so terrible that you became afraid of
failing in other things. And you carry that fear even now, years later.
How You Experience Fear of Failure
You might experience some or all of these symptoms if you have a fear of failure:
 A reluctance to try new things or get involved in challenging projects.
 Self-sabotage , or a failure to follow through with goals.

 Low self-esteem or self-confidence – A willingness to try only those things that you
know you'll finish perfectly and successfully.
The Definition of Failure
It's almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure. People
who do so probably live so cautiously that they go nowhere. Put simply, they're not really
living at all.
But, the wonderful thing about failure is that it's entirely up to us to decide how to look at it.
We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just how inadequate
we are. Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is. Every
time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we're meant to learn. These
lessons are very important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same
mistake again. Failures stop us only if we let them.
It's easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For example:
 Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball players of all
time. And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn't
think he had enough skill.
 Warren Buffet, one of the world's richest and most successful businessmen, was rejected
by Harvard University.
 Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high-school dropout.
Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces, and we might
make some bad decisions. But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play
basketball when he was cut from that team. Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the
people who told him he'd never do anything worthwhile without a high-school diploma.
Think of the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you.
Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned
otherwise. For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are. Failing at
something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected
motivation to succeed.
Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights
is key to succeeding in life.
How Not to Be Afraid of Failure
It's important to realize that in everything we do, there's always a chance that we'll fail.
Facing that chance, and embracing it, is not only courageous – it also gives us a fuller, more
rewarding life.
However, here are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing:
 Analyse all potential outcomes – Many people experience fear of failure because they
fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your
decision. Our article Decision Trees is a comprehensive resource for learning how to
change your thoughts.
 Look at the worse-case scenario – In some cases, the worst case scenario may be
genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases,
however, this worst case may actually not be that bad, and recognizing this can help.
 Have a contingency plan . But goals help us define where we want to go in life.
Without goals, we have no sure destination.
Many experts recommend visualization . These should be goals that are slightly, but not
overwhelmingly, challenging. Think of these goals as "early wins" that are designed to
help boost your confidence.
For example, if you've been too afraid to talk to the new department head (who has the
power to give you the promotion you want), then make that your first goal. Plan to stop
by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.
Or, imagine that you've dreamed of returning to school to get your MBA, but you're
convinced that you're not smart enough to be accepted into business school. Set a goal
to talk with a school counselor or admissions officer to see what's required for
admission.
Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger goals. Don't focus on the
end picture: getting the promotion, or graduating with an MBA. Just focus on the next
step: introducing yourself to the department head, and talking to an admissions officer.
That's it.
Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence, keep you moving
forward, and prevent you from getting overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.
Warning:
Sometimes, being afraid of failure can be a symptom of a more serious mental health
condition. Negative thinking can cause severe health problems and, in extreme cases,
death. While these techniques have been shown to have a positive effect on reducing
stress, they are for guidance only, and readers should take the advice of suitably
qualified health professionals if they have any concerns over related illnesses or if
negative thoughts are causing significant or persistent unhappiness. Health professionals
should also be consulted before any major change in diet or levels of exercise.
Key Points
Many of us are sometimes afraid of failing, but we mustn't let that fear stop us from
moving forward.
Fear of failure can have several causes: from childhood events to mistakes we've made
in our adult lives. It's important to realize that we always have a choice: we can choose
to be afraid, or we can choose not to be.
Start by setting small goals that will help build your confidence. Learn how to explore
and evaluate all possible outcomes rationally and develop contingency plans; and
practice thinking positively. By moving forward slowly but steadily, you'll begin to
overcome your fear.
Fear of Success
Overcoming Fear of Change
Learn how to recognize, and overcome, your fears.

Laura's boss has just announced that the company has just won a bid to create a national
marketing campaign. And he is hinting that he wants Laura to head this project. All that she
has to do is let him know that she's interested by the following Friday.
Laura always hoped for an opportunity like this. She knows her work and management skills
qualify her for the job – and she knows that it would likely lead to a promotion, or at least to
some much-deserved recognition.
However, by the time Friday arrives, she's created a list of reasons not to head the project.
And by the end of the day, she still hasn't talked to her boss.
Does this situation sound familiar?
Fear of success is actually quite common, and it can cause us to lose out on a lot of
opportunities in life. When we're too afraid to take risks and move forward on our goals –
either consciously or unconsciously – we get stuck in one place, neither moving forward nor
backward.
In this article, we'll examine the fear of success: what it is, how to know if you have it, and
what you can do to overcome it.
Fear of Success
Psychologist Matina Horner first diagnosed the fear of success in her research during the
early 1970s. Her findings, especially as they related to fear of success in women at that time,
were incredibly controversial.
Since then, however, most scientists and psychologists agree that fear of success exists for
both men and women.
Fear of success is similar to fear of failure on big projects, especially projects that could lead
to recognition.
 You frequently compromise your work or dreams by convincing yourself that you're
not good enough to achieve them.
 You feel, subconsciously, that you don't deserve to enjoy success in your life.
 You believe that if you do achieve success, you won't be able to sustain it. Eventually
you'll fail, and end up back in a worse place than where you started. So you think,
"why bother?"
Causes of Fear of Success
Fear of success has several possible causes:
 We fear what success will bring – for example, loneliness, new enemies, being isolated
from our family, longer working hours, or being asked for favors or money.
 We're afraid that the higher we climb in life, the further we're going to fall when we
make a mistake.
 We fear the added work, responsibilities, or criticism that we'll face.
 We fear that our relationships will suffer if we become successful. Our friends and family
will react with jealousy and cynicism, and we'll lose the ones we love.
 We fear that accomplishing our goals, and realizing that we have the power to be
successful, may actually cause an intense regret that we didn't act sooner.
Overcoming Fear of Success
You can use several different strategies to overcome your fear of success. The good news is
that the more you face your fears, bring them to the surface, and analyze them rationally,
the more you're likely to weaken those fears – and dramatically reduce your reluctance to
achieve your goals.
Take a realistic look at what will happen if you succeed with your goal. Don't look at what
you hope will happen, or what you fear will happen. Instead, look at what is likely to
happen.
It's important not to give a quick answer to this. Take at least 15 minutes to examine the
issues, and write down your answers to questions like these:
 How will my friends and family react if I accomplish this goal?
 How will my life change?
 What's the worst that could happen if I achieve this goal?
 What's the best that could happen?
 Why do I feel that I don't deserve to accomplish this goal?
 How motivated am I to work toward this goal?
 What am I currently doing to sabotage, or hurt, my own efforts?
 How can I stop those self-sabotaging behaviors?
Another useful technique is to address your fears directly, and then develop a backup plan
that will overcome your concern.
For instance, suppose you don't push yourself to achieve a promotion, and the biggest
reason is because you secretly fear that the additional income and recognition would
jeopardize your family relationships and your integrity. You're worried that you would be so
busy working to maintain your success that you'd never see your family, and you might be
forced to make choices that would destroy your integrity.
To overcome these fears, start by addressing your workload. You could set a rule for
yourself that you'll always be home by 7 p.m. You could tell this to your boss if you're
offered the new position.
For issues involving integrity, you always have a choice. If you set maintaining your integrity
How Self-Confident Are You?
Improving Self-Confidence by Building Self-Efficacy
Do you feel energized about life?

How self-confident do you feel? Are you full of it, or do you wish you had more of it?
Whether someone demonstrates self-confidence by being decisive, trying new things, or

staying in control when things get difficult, a person with high self-confidence seems to live
life with passion and enthusiasm. Other people tend to trust and respect these confident
individuals, which helps them build even more self-confidence – and so the cycle continues.
However, it’s not always easy to initiate that cycle. So, where do you begin?
A good place to start is to look at how effective you believe you are in handling and
performing specific tasks. This is termed "self-efficacy," and it plays an important part in
determining your general levels of self-confidence.
Albert Bandura is one of the leading researchers into self-efficacy. His self-efficacy theory
explains the relationship between the belief in one’s abilities and how well a person actually
performs a task or a range of actions. Bandura says that "self-efficacy" and "confidence" are
not quite the same thing. Confidence is a general, not a specific, strength of belief. On the
other hand, self-efficacy is the belief in one's capabilities to achieve something specific.
If people have high self-efficacy in an area, then they think, feel, and behave in a way that
contributes to and reinforces their success, and improves their personal satisfaction. They're
more likely to view obstacles as challenges to overcome, so they aren't afraid to face new
things. They recover quickly from setbacks, because they view failure more as a result of
external circumstances than internal weaknesses. In general, believing in your abilities
affects your motivation, your choices, your toughness, and your determination.
Therefore, self-confidence – by way of self-efficacy – often affects how well you perform,
and how satisfied you are with the choices you make. This is why it's important to
understand your current level of self-efficacy, particularly in the context of your belief in
your ability to perform in a variety of situations. In so doing, you will be able to identify
areas where you can improve, and make a plan to do so.
Does your self-confidence affect your ability to perform? Take this short quiz and find out.
How Self-Confident Are You?
Instructions
some questions seem to score in the 'wrong direction'. When you are finished, please click
the 'Calculate My Total' button at the bottom of the test.
Not
Very
Often
All
1I do what I think is expected of

me, rather than what I believe to
be "right."
2I handle new situations with

relative comfort and ease.
3I feel positive and energized

about life.
4If something looks difficult, I

avoid doing it.
5I keep trying, even after others

have given up.
6If I work hard to solve a problem,

I'll find the answer.
7I achieve the goals I set for

myself.
8When I face difficulty, I feel

hopeless and negative.
9I relate to people who work very

hard, and still don't accomplish
their goals.
10People give me positive

feedback on my work and
achievements.
Not
Very
Often
All
11I need to experience success

early in a process, or I won't
continue.
12When I overcome an obstacle, I

think about the lessons I've
learned.
13I believe that if I work hard, I'll

achieve my goals.
14I have contact with people of

similar skills and experience who I
consider successful.
Total = 0
Score Comment
You probably wish you had more self-confidence! Take a closer look at all the
things you've achieved in your life. You may tend to focus more on what you
don't have, and this takes time and attention away from recognizing and
14- using your skills and talents. Read this article for everyday tips on building
32 your self-confidence. (Read below to start.)
You're doing an OK job of recognizing your skills, and believing in your

abilities. But perhaps you're a little too hard on yourself, and this may stop
33- you from getting the full benefit of your mastery experiences. Review our
51 tips to find out how to improve your self-confidence. (Read below to start.)
Score Comment
Excellent! You're doing a fabulous job of learning from every experience, and
not allowing obstacles to affect the way you see yourself. But you need to
52- nurture your self-confidence, so use the tips below to ensure that your life
70 remains full of validation and success. (Read below to start.)
Building Self-Confidence
No matter what your self-confidence level is right now, you can probably improve it. But you
need to believe in yourself and your capabilities before anyone else will.
Bandura's theory of self-efficacy is a great place to start looking for ways to improve the way
you see your abilities. According to the theory, there are four sources of self-efficacy:
1. Mastery experiences – things you have succeeded at in the past.
2. Vicarious experiences – seeing people who are similar to you succeed.
3. Social persuasion – hearing from others that you're capable.
4. Emotional status – staying positive, and managing stress.
Three of these sources (the first, second, and fourth) are within your control, so we'll look at
them more closely. However, while we can’t force people to say good things about us (the
third source), we can increase the likelihood of receiving positive feedback by being more
confident in general.
Developing Mastery Experiences
(Questions 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 11, 12, 13)
The more success you experience, the more success you're likely to enjoy in the future. But
if success comes too easily, it probably won't contribute to your self-confidence. Mastery
experiences are those achievements where you know that it was your hard work and effort
that brought about success.
To enjoy these types of experiences, work on motivation, toughness, and determination.
Motivation and self-confidence are connected. When you have more of one, you'll probably
have more of the other. You can generally increase your motivation by doing the following:
 Thinking positively .
 Creating a motivating environment.
To examine your motivation level, and learn specific ways to improve your self-motivation,
take our quiz How Self-Motivated Are You? by our contributing author Bruna Martinuzzi.
Another area to examine is your locus, or central point, of control. To develop mastery, you
must believe that your effort led to your success. As such, you need to believe generally that
you’re responsible for your success – not some outside force, like luck or fate. Learn more
about your locus of control is a useful tool.
Improve your problem solving and decision making skills. This will help create a general
feeling of confidence in the choices you make.
Commit to personal and professional development to stay current and informed.
Read Building Self-Confidence , and surround yourself with accomplished, successful
people.
Seek a mentor .
Discover whether you're a positive or negative thinker
Locus of Control
Are You in Charge of Your Destiny?
As the environment around you changes, you can either attribute success and failure to
things you have control over, or to forces outside your influence.
Which orientation you choose has a bearing on your long-term success.
This orientation is known as your "locus of control." Its study dates back to the 1960s, with
Julian Rotter's investigation into how people's behaviors and attitudes affected the
outcomes of their lives.
Volume 90%
Are you responsible for your own success? Or does control often feel just out of reach?
Locus of control describes the degree to which individuals perceive that outcomes result
from their own behaviors, or from forces that are external to themselves. This produces a
continuum with external control at one end and internal control at the other, as shown in
figure 1, below:
Figure 1. The Locus of Control Scale.

People who develop an internal locus of control believe that they are responsible for their
own success. Those with an external locus of control believe that external forces, like luck,
determine their outcomes.
Use the interactive quiz below to determine your current locus of control:
Understanding Your Own Locus of Control
Instructions:
For each pair of statements, choose the one that you believe to be the most accurate, not
the one you wish was most true. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers. Click the
"Calculate My Total" button to add up your score and check your result using the scoring
table underneath.
22 Statements to Answer A B
1STATEMENT A: Bad luck is what leads to many of the

disappointments in life. STATEMENT B: Disappointments are usually
the result of mistakes you make.
2STATEMENT A: Political unrest and war normally occur in countries

where people don't get involved, or assert their political rights.
STATEMENT B: No matter how much people get involved, war and
political unrest will occur.
3STATEMENT A: You "reap what you sow". In the end, your rewards
will be directly related to what you accomplish. STATEMENT B:
Despite your effort and hard work, what you accomplish will probably
go unnoticed.
4STATEMENT A: Teachers treat students fairly and evaluate their

performance as objectively as possible. STATEMENT B: The grades
you earn in school have more to do with factors like how much the
teacher likes you, or your mood on the day of a test.
5STATEMENT A: To become a leader, you must be in the right place at

the right time. STATEMENT B: Those who are capable of leadership
but don't lead, have failed to capitalize on the opportunities afforded
to them.
6STATEMENT A: There are some people in this world that will not like
you, no matter what you do. STATEMENT B: If you have good
interpersonal skills and know how to get along with others, then
getting people to like you is not difficult at all.
7STATEMENT A: If something is meant to happen, it will; there is little

you can do to change it. STATEMENT B: You decide what will happen
to you. You don't believe in fate.
8STATEMENT A: If you are prepared for an interview, you increase

your likelihood of doing well. STATEMENT B: There is no point
preparing for an interview because the questions they ask are
completely random and determined by whim.
9STATEMENT A: To be successful in your career takes a lot of hard

work and dedication, because effort is what makes the difference.
STATEMENT B: It's who you know, not what you know, that
determines how good a job you get.
10STATEMENT A: One person can have an impact on government

policy and decisions. STATEMENT B: Normal people can't do much to
change the world; the elite and powerful make all the decisions.
11STATEMENT A: If you set a reasonable goal, you can achieve it with

hard work and commitment. STATEMENT B: There's no point in
planning ahead or setting goals because too much can happen that
you can't control.
12STATEMENT A: Luck doesn't play a large role in getting what you

want out of life. STATEMENT B: Life is like a game of chance. What
you get or what happens to you is mostly a matter of fate.
13STATEMENT A: Managers and supervisors got those positions by

being in the right place and knowing the right people. STATEMENT B:
To be a manager or supervisor you have to demonstrate that you
know how to get things done through, and with, people.
14STATEMENT A: Accidents or twists of fate are what really

determine the course of a person's life. STATEMENT B: The notion
that luck largely determines your life is a fallacy.
15STATEMENT A: People have so many ulterior motives; it's

impossible to determine who actually likes you and who doesn't.
STATEMENT B: How you treat people largely determines whether
they like you.
16STATEMENT A: After all is said and done; the positives and

negatives of life are basically half and half. STATEMENT B: When
something negative happens it is usually a result of apathy, lack of
knowledge, inability, or a combination of these.
17STATEMENT A: Corruption in politics can be eliminated if we all put

in enough effort. STATEMENT B: Once a politician is elected, there is
little anyone can do to control him or her.
18STATEMENT A: The assessments I get at work are completely at the

whim of my supervisor; I don't understand them at all half the time.
STATEMENT B: How hard I work and how much pride I take in my job
largely determines the results of my performance assessment.
19STATEMENT A: I often feel that I have little control over my life,

and what happens to me. STATEMENT B: I don't believe that luck or
chance play a large role in determining what happens in my life.
20STATEMENT A: If you're lonely, it's because you don't try hard

enough to get along with people and be friendly. STATEMENT B:
Despite being friendly and pleasant, if someone doesn't like you,
there's not much you can do to change his or her opinion.
21STATEMENT A: The things that happen in your life are of your own
doing. STATEMENT B: You don't have much control over what
happens in life, or in the direction your life is headed.
22STATEMENT A: Why politicians make the decisions they do is

anybody's guess! STATEMENT B: The people are as much responsible
for government decisions as the politicians themselves.
Total = 0
Score Comment
Internal Locus of Control (strong)

22-25
Internal Locus of Control (moderate)

26-33
Score Comment
External Locus of Control

34-44
Note:
This assessment has not been validated and is intended for illustrative purposes only. It is
patterned after the Locus of Control Scale developed and presented in Rotter, J.B. (1966),
"Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement,"
Psychological Monographs, 80 (Whole No. 609).
Internal Locus of Control (strong)
If you have a strong internal locus of control, you will likely feel that you’re in full control of
the events in your life. You are self-motivated and focused on achieving the goals you have
set for yourself. For these reasons, people with a strong internal locus of control often make
good leaders.
However, there is a potential downside to having a very strong internal locus of control.
Your powerful self-belief may mean that you find it difficult to take direction, so be careful
to avoid seeming arrogant properly – random events do occur for all sorts of reasons.
A very strong internal drive may lead you to believe that you can control everything, and if
your plans don’t work out you may feel responsible for their failure – even when events
were genuinely beyond your control. This can lead to frustration, anxiety and, in extreme
cases, stress or depression.
Internal Locus of Control (moderate)
You likely see your future as being in your own hands. As a result, you engage in activities
that will improve your situation: you work hard to develop your knowledge, skills and
abilities, and you take note of information that you can use to create positive outcomes.
However, few people have a wholly internal or external locus of control: most of us fall
somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum. Your locus of control may vary in
different situations – at work and at home, for example – and it may change over time.
People often tend toward a more internal locus of control as they grow older and their
ability to influence the events in their lives increases.
Having a moderate, rather than strong, internal locus of control may make you more able to
accept situations that you can’t influence, and to manage them effectively when they arise.
External Locus of Control

If you have an external locus of control, you likely believe that what happens to you is the
result of luck or fate, or is determined by people in authority. You may tend to give up when
life doesn’t “go your way,” because you don’t feel that you have the power to change it.
To overcome this, pay attention to your self-talk self-confidence of situations, rather than
blaming circumstances or forces “beyond your control” when things go wrong.
Tip:
To learn more about your locus of control, and how to change it, read our
article, Understanding Your Locus of Control
How Self-Motivated Are You?
Taking Charge of Your Goals and Achievements
How motivated are you to reach your goals?

Are you motivated to achieve what you really want in life?
And how hard do you push yourself to get things done?
Wanting to do something and motivating yourself to actually do it are two different things.
So, what's the difference between those who never reach their goals, year after year, and
those who achieve one goal after another? Often, it's their self-motivation.
Self-motivation is the force that keeps pushing us to go on – it's our internal drive to
achieve, produce, develop, and keep moving forward. When you think you're ready to quit
something, or you just don't know how to start, your self-motivation is what pushes you to
go on.
With self-motivation, you'll learn and grow – regardless of the specific situation. That's why
it's such a fundamental tool for reaching your goals, achieving your dreams, and succeeding,
in this journey we call life.
So, how self-motivated are you? We've put together a short quiz to give you a better
understanding of how self-motivated you are. After the quiz, we'll discuss some specific tips
for improving your self-motivation, so that you can achieve still more in your life.
The Self-Motivation Quiz
Instructions
Not
Very
Often
All
1I'm unsure of my ability to

achieve the goals I set for myself.
2When working on my goals, I put

in maximum effort and work even
harder if I've suffered a setback.
3I regularly set goals and

objectives to achieve my vision for
my life.
4I think positively about setting

goals and making sure my needs
are met.
5I use rewards (and consequences)

to keep myself focused. For
example, if I finish my report on
time, I allow myself to take a
coffee break.
6I believe that if I work hard and

apply my abilities and talents, I will
be successful.
7I worry about deadlines and

getting things done, which causes
stress and anxiety.
Not
Very
Often
All
8When an unexpected event

threatens or jeopardizes my goal, I
tend to walk away, set a different
goal, and move in a new direction.
9When I come up with a really

good idea, I am surprised by my
creativity. I figure it is my lucky
day, and caution myself not to get
used to the feeling.
10I tend to do the minimum

amount of work necessary to keep
my boss and my team satisfied.
11I tend to worry about why I

won't reach my goals, and I often
focus on why something probably
won't work.
12I create a vivid and powerful

vision of my future success before
embarking on a new goal.
Total = 0
Score Comment
You allow your personal doubts and fears to keep you from succeeding.
12- You've probably had a few incomplete goals in the past, so you may have
27 convinced yourself that you aren't self-motivated - and then you've made
Score Comment
that come true. Break this harmful pattern now, and start believing in
yourself again. The tools and tips below will help you get back your
motivation.
You're doing OK on self-motivation. You're certainly not failing - however,

you could achieve much more. To achieve what you want, try to increase the
28- motivation factors in all areas of your life. Read the relevant sections below,
43 and work on them to strengthen your self-motivation.
Wonderful! You get things done, and you don't let anything stand in your
way. You make a conscious effort to stay self-motivated, and you spend
significant time and effort on setting goals and acting to achieve those goals.
You attract and inspire others with your success. Treasure this - and be
44- aware that not everyone is as self-motivated as you are! (Read below for
60 more.)
Factors in Self-Motivation
Self-motivation is complex. It's linked to your level of initiative in setting challenging goals
for yourself; your belief that you have the skills and abilities needed to achieve those goals;
and your expectation that if you put in enough hard work, you will succeed (or at least be in
the running, if it's a competitive situation).
Four factors are necessary to build the strongest levels of self-motivation:
1. Self-confidence and self-efficacy.
2. Positive thinking, and positive thinking about the future.
3. Focus and strong goals.
4. A motivating environment.
By working on all of these together, you should quickly improve your self-motivation. Let's
look at each of these factors individually.
1. Self-Confidence and Self-Efficacy
(Questions 1, 2, 6, 8)
Part of being self-motivated is having good levels of self-assurance, self-confidence, and

self-efficacy. More on these below!
Being highly self-assured means you will set challenging goals for yourself, and it's also a
resiliency factor for when you encounter setbacks. If you don't believe in yourself you'll be
much more likely to think, "I knew I couldn't do this" instead of, "This one failure isn't going
to stop me!"
Albert Bandura, a psychologist from Stanford University, defined self-efficacy as a belief in
our own ability to succeed, and our ability to achieve the goals we set for ourselves. This
belief has a huge impact on your approach to goal setting and your behavioral choices as
you work toward those goals.
According to Bandura's research, high self-efficacy results in an ability to view difficult goals
as a challenge, whereas people with low self-efficacy would likely view the same goals as
being beyond their abilities, and might not even attempt to achieve them.
It also contributes to how much effort a person puts into a goal in the first place, and how
much he or she perseveres despite setbacks.
By developing a general level of self-confidence in yourself, you will not only believe you
can succeed, but you'll also recognize and enjoy the successes you've already had. That, in
turn, will inspire you to build on those successes. The momentum created by self-confidence
is hard to beat.
Take these steps:
 Think about the achievements in your life.
 Examine your strengths teaches you how to develop this self-confidence, and gives you
steps you can use to start feeling great about yourself. It will also put you firmly on the
path to self-assurance and self-efficacy.
2. Positive Thinking, and Positive Thinking About the Future
(Questions 4, 9, 11, 12)
Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life
tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.-
Author Unknown
Positive thinking is closely related to self-confidence as a factor in self-motivation. It's
important to look at things positively, especially when things aren't going as planned
and you're ready to give up.
If you think that things are going to go wrong or that you won't succeed, this may
influence things in such a way that your predictions will come true. This is particularly
the case if you need to work hard to achieve success, or if you need to persuade
others to support you in order to succeed. Your thoughts can have a major influence
on whether you succeed or fail, so make sure those thoughts are "on your side."
Positive thinking also helps you think about an attractive future that you want to
realize. When you expect positive results, your choices will be more positive, and
you'll be less likely to leave outcomes to fate or chance. Having a vivid picture of
success, combined with positive thinking, helps you bridge the gap between wanting
something and going out to get it.
To apply "the power of positive thinking", do the following:
 Become aware of your thoughts. Write down these down throughout the day.
 Challenge your negative thoughts, and replace them with positive ones.
 Create a strong and vivid picture of what it will be like to achieve your goals.
 Develop affirmations or statements that you can repeat to yourself throughout

the day. These statements should remind you of what you want to achieve, and
why you will achieve it.
 Practice positive thinking until you automatically think about yourself and the
world in a positive way, every day.
For even more tips, see our article on Rational Positive Thinking .
3. Focus and Strong Goals
(Questions 3, 7)
As we've said above, a key part of building self-motivation is to start setting strong
goals. These give you focus, a clear sense of direction, and the self-confidence that
comes from recognizing your own achievement.
First, determine your direction through effective goal setting.
When you set a goal, you make a promise to yourself. Part of the strength of this is
that it gives you a clear direction. Part is that you've made this promise to yourself,
and you'll want to keep this promise. And part is that it's a challenge, and it's fun to
try to meet that challenge!
But don't set just any goal. According to Locke's goal-setting theory and the Action
Priority Matrix for a summary, and for links to our top time management and
prioritization tools.
4. Motivating Environment
(Questions 5, 10)
The final thing to focus on is surrounding yourself with people and resources that will
remind you of your goals, and help you with your internal motivation. These are
external factors – they'll help you get motivated from the outside, which is different
from the internal motivation we've discussed so far. However, the more factors you
have working for you, the better.
You can't just rely on these "environmental" or outside elements alone to motivate
you, but you can use them for extra support. Try the following:
 Look for team work opportunities. Working in a team makes you accountable to
others.
 Ask your boss for specific targets and objectives to help you measure your
success.
Ask for interesting assignments. See our article on Maximizing Job Satisfaction
Preparing Yourself for Success!
From the quietly confident doctor whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of
an inspiring speaker, self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.
Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many
people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: people who lack self-confidence
can find it difficult to become successful.
Volume 90%
Which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that
we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us
approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from
the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we're competent at what we do, and that
we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.
Some people believe that self-confidence can be built with affirmations . At Mind Tools, we
believe that there's some truth in this, but that it's just as important to build self-confidence
by setting and achieving goals – thereby building competence. Without this underlying
competence, you don't have self-confidence: you have shallow over-confidence, with all of
the issues, upset and failure that this brings.
So how do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation
of reality?
The bad news is that there’s no quick fix, or five-minute solution.
The good news is that becoming more confident is readily achievable, just as long as you
have the focus and determination to carry things through. And what’s even better is that
the things you’ll do to build your self-confidence will also build success – after all, your
confidence will come from real, solid achievement. No-one can take this away from you!
So here are our three steps to self-confidence, for which we’ll use the metaphor of a
journey: preparing for your journey; setting out; and accelerating towards success.
Step 1: Preparing for Your Journey
The first step involves getting yourself ready for your journey to self-confidence. You need
to take stock of where you are, think about where you want to go, get yourself in the right
mindset for your journey, and commit yourself to starting it and staying with it.
In preparing for your journey, do these five things:
Look at What You've Already Achieved
Think about your life so far, and list the ten best things you've achieved in an "Achievement
Log." Perhaps you came top in an important test or exam, played a key role in an important
team, produced the best sales figures in a period, did something that made a key difference
in someone else’s life, or delivered a project that meant a lot for your business.
Put these into a smartly formatted document, which you can look at often. And then spend
a few minutes each week enjoying the success you’ve already had!
Think About Your Strengths
Next, use a technique like SWOT Analysis to find out how to use this important technique,
or use Life Plan Workbook to think through your own goals in detail (see the "Tip" below).
Inform your goal setting with your SWOT Analysis. Set goals that exploit your strengths,
minimize your weaknesses, realize your opportunities, and control the threats you face.
And having set the major goals in your life, identify the first step in each. Make sure it’s a
very small step, perhaps taking no more than an hour to complete!
Start Managing Your Mind
At this stage, you need to start managing your mind. Learn to pick up and defeat the
negative self-talk which can destroy your confidence. See our article on rational positive
thinking – this teaches you how to use and create strong mental images of what you'll feel
and experience as you achieve your major goals – there’s something about doing this that
makes even major goals seem achievable!
And Then Commit Yourself to Success!
The final part of preparing for the journey is to make a clear and unequivocal promise to
yourself that you are absolutely committed to your journey, and that you will do all in your
power to achieve it.
If as you’re doing it, you find doubts starting to surface, write them down and challenge
them calmly and rationally. If they dissolve under scrutiny, that’s great. However if they are
based on genuine risks, make sure you set additional goals to manage these appropriately.
For help with evaluating and managing the risks you face, read our Risk Analysis and
Management to find out how self-confident you are already, and start looking at specific
strategies to improve your confidence level.
Step 2: Setting Out
This is where you start, ever so slowly, moving towards your goal. By doing the right things,
and starting with small, easy wins, you’ll put yourself on the path to success – and start
building the self-confidence that comes with this.
Build the Knowledge You Need to Succeed
Looking at your goals, identify the skills you’ll need to achieve them. And then look at how
you can acquire these skills confidently and well. Don’t just accept a sketchy, just-good-
enough solution – look for a solution, a program or a course that fully equips you to achieve
what you want to achieve and, ideally, gives you a certificate or qualification you can be
proud of.
Focus on the Basics
When you’re starting, don’t try to do anything clever or elaborate. And don’t reach for
perfection – just enjoy doing simple things successfully and well.
Set Small Goals, and Achieve Them
Starting with the very small goals you identified in step 1, get in the habit of setting them,
achieving them, and celebrating that achievement. Don’t make goals particularly challenging
at this stage, just get into the habit of achieving them and celebrating them. And, little by
little, start piling up the successes!
Keep Managing Your Mind
Stay on top of that positive thinking, keep celebrating and enjoying success, and keep those
mental images strong. You can also use a technique like Treasure Mapping quiz to find out
how self-confident you are, and to identify specific strategies for building self-confidence.
As long as you keep on stretching yourself enough, but not too much, you'll find your self-
confidence building apace. What's more, you'll have earned your self-confidence – because
you’ll have put in the hard graft necessary to be successful!
Goal setting is arguably the most important skill you can learn to improve your self-
confidence
Boosting Your Self-Esteem
Improving the Way You Feel About Yourself
Find out how to feel better about yourself.

"Self-esteem is the reputation we acquire with ourselves."– Nathaniel Branden, Leading self-
esteem researcher and theorist
Improving self-esteem is a very personal journey. It's a key part of feeling happy within
ourselves, and of feeling that we're succeeding in the things that matter to us.
Positive self-esteem helps you to be yourself, handle adversity, and believe that you'll win
through, despite setbacks. It's an inner force that sustains you, and gives you the courage
you need to be the person you want to be.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, does the opposite. It's connected to self-doubt, and to
a general feeling that you're not quite good enough to meet life's challenges. If you have
low self-esteem, you may believe that you aren't capable of achieving your dreams, and you
may even believe that you shouldn't dream at all. In fact, low self-esteem is used to
diagnose many mental disorders, and it can be associated with a variety of negative
emotions, including anxiety, sadness, hostility, shame, embarrassment, loneliness and lack
of spontaneity.
To evaluate your own levels of self-esteem, complete the Rosenberg Self-Esteem

Scale (SES). This is a 10-item scale developed by Dr. Morris Rosenberg. Even though it was
developed in 1965, it’s still a popular form of measurement used in self-esteem research.
What Is Self-Esteem?
You're probably familiar with the idea of self-esteem. It's most often associated with self-
confidence , and learn how to detect and defeat patterns of self-sabotage is a great
technique for targeting, tracking and recognizing success. It helps you to build competence
and, from this, build a sense of pride and a feeling of worthiness. Make sure that you
embrace goal setting!
 Be consistent – You improve self-esteem when you act in ways that are consistent
with your values. If you find yourself in a compromising or difficult situation, do all
that you can to make a decision that is consistent with these values. Achieve your
goals with integrity, and don't undermine your self-esteem by cheating, or acting in a
dishonest way.
 Remember that you aren't perfect – Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make
mistakes, and that's often OK, just as long as we learn from them. The only person's
standards you have to meet are your own: stop worrying about what others think,
and focus on the great things about yourself. If you do, your inner confidence will
shine through, and more than compensate for any shortcomings you might have.
 Look after your physical self – Being active can improve self-esteem. Activities that
improve your overall health help you feel more in control, and give you a sense of
satisfaction that carries though to other areas of your life.
Key Points
The way you feel about yourself is key to self-esteem. You're the one in control, and you can
make a difference. If you like yourself, and believe that you deserve good things in life, you'll
have high self-esteem. If you dislike yourself or criticize yourself excessively, you'll have a
low sense of self-esteem.
Having healthy self-esteem is important because it helps you get through life's challenges
and achieve the things that matter most to you. As such, make a commitment to yourself to
value what you do and who you are!
Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

Facing Fears of Inadequacy and Self-Doubt
Know your worth, and be proud of who and what you are.
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of
themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."– Bertrand Russell, British philosopher.
When you think of your greatest achievements to date, do you feel proud of what you've
accomplished? Or do you feel like a fraud?
Does each raise, promotion or accolade bring joy? Or is it accompanied by the dread that,
one day, your cover will be blown, and everyone will find out that you just got lucky, and
arrived where you are by mistake?
If you experience feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, you may be surprised to learn that
you are in great company. Impostor Syndrome is typically associated with high achievers.
The more specialized you become in a particular subject, the more aware you will be of the
gaps in your knowledge. Likewise, the more successful you are, the more impressive your
peers are likely to be.
So, if you feel like a fraud, the chances are that you're actually very capable. Real frauds
don't worry about this!
In this article, we'll examine Impostor Syndrome: what it is, how it can limit your possibilities
in life, and what strategies you can use to overcome it.
What Is Impostor Syndrome?
Impostor Syndrome is characterized by the conviction that you don't deserve your success.
It is the feeling that you're not as intelligent, creative or talented as other people seem to
believe you are. It is the suspicion that your achievements are down to luck, good timing or
just being in the right place at the right time. And it is accompanied by the fear that, one
day, you'll be exposed as a fraud.
Impostor Syndrome can be linked to other feelings of self-doubt, such as fear of

success and self-sabotage tendencies.
 Thinking that your job is so easy that anyone could do it.
 Thinking that your talents and strengths are common or unremarkable.
 Believing that what you do is never enough.
 Believing that if you were to start over, you wouldn't have the luck, talent or skills to
replicate your current success.
Recognizing Impostor Syndrome in Your Team
Impostor Syndrome doesn't just hurt the people who experience it. It also hurts the teams
and businesses that people belong to. So, if you are in a leadership role, it pays to keep an
eye out for team members who are struggling with feelings of inadequacy.
Here are some signs to look out for:
 Turning down promotions, switching roles or avoiding certain high-exposure projects.
 Being uncomfortable with compliments or praise.
 Attributing good work or success to luck, good timing or knowing the right people.
 Other symptoms of low self-esteem to counter negative thoughts with positive

statements, and to come up with affirmations by becoming more aware of your
strengths and weaknesses. Conduct a Personal SWOT Analysis assessment to discover
what you're best at, and to think about how you can minimize your weaknesses.
Learn how to set yourself realistic , and accept honest failures as a part of life. Instead of
seeing your mistakes as something to be ashamed of, treat them as learning experiences
that will help you perform even better next time.
5. Own Your Successes
Often, people with Impostor Syndrome find it hard to accept compliments. When things
go well, they attribute their success to external factors such as hard work, help from
others, or good fortune. But when things go wrong, they blame themselves.
Take responsibility for your achievements. When you meet a goal or finish an important
project, acknowledge that it was your skill and talent that made it happen.
Keep a record of positive feedback. Practice listening to praise, taking in the compliment,
and drawing nourishment from it. Write down why your negative thoughts are false or
meaningless, and explain why you are qualified or worthy enough for this job.
Key Points
Impostor Syndrome is a self-fulfilling pattern of thought, in which a person considers
him- or herself to be an impostor. She doubts her own intelligence and talents, and
thinks that anyone who believes otherwise is either "being nice" or has somehow been
fooled into believing this.
To overcome Impostor Syndrome, you need to break the pattern of setting yourself
unattainable standards and thinking that external, temporary factors such as luck, help
or hard work are responsible for your success. You also need to stop blaming your own
personal shortcomings for mistakes or failures.
Talk to others about how you feel. Overcome your perfectionist tendencies by setting
realistic goals for yourself, and accept that mistakes and failures are a part of life.
Finally, take ownership of your successes. Learn how to take a compliment, and draw
strength from it.
Beating Self-Sabotage
Recognizing and Overcoming It
Stop self-sabotaging behaviour in its tracks, before it spins out of control.
"You can't do that!" "That's way too difficult!" "If you try, you'll probably just fail anyway."
These statements sound as if they're coming from a tyrannical and cruel person with a
mission to destroy self-confidence. Unfortunately, all too often, we can be the tyrant and
our target can be ourselves.
Negative self-talk is something we have all probably engaged in at some time. When it rears
its ugly head on a regular basis, it can lead to self-sabotage, and can stop us achieving our
goals and dreams.
What's worse is that we usually don't recognize that it's even happening. Instead, we
attribute our lack of success to inadequacy. This, in turn, strengthens the negative messages
we feed ourselves, and we get caught in a self-sabotaging cycle that can be very difficult to
break.
The tell-tale sign that you are sabotaging yourself is when you grind to a halt when you're
trying to achieve your goals, for no rational reason. The skill, ability and desire are there: it's
just that something stops you moving forward.
When you feel that you can't do something you should be able to do, or that you shouldn't
do something, even though you know deep down that you want or need to do it, self-
sabotage is at work.
There are some common themes in self-sabotaging behavior. See if you recognize yourself
in any of these examples:
Procrastination
 Knowing you should be working on something, but putting it off again and again.
 Starting projects, but never quite finishing them.
 Feeling unmotivated or unable to proceed, even when there are lots of exciting
opportunities.
Unfulfilled Dreams
 Dreaming of doing something, but never doing anything about it.
Worry
 Fretting over things that really shouldn't matter.
 Fearing that if you fail, others will think less of you.
 Worrying that if you're successful, your friends won't like you anymore.
 Doubting yourself and your abilities even though you "know" you are very capable.
 Feeling stressed and anxious, and perhaps suffering from unexplained depression or
panic attacks when trying to achieve something important to you.
Anger
 Using aggressive rather assertive communication and not taking steps to change this.
 Destroying relationships with others (family, friends, co-workers) with anger, resentment
or jealousy.
Feelings of Worthlessness
 Exaggerating other people's achievements, and diminishing your own.
 Taking even unfair or misguided criticism to heart.
 Letting others put you down.
Whatever your personal self-sabotaging behaviour is, you must overcome it if you are to
make the most of your career. If you allow yourself to engage in negative self-talk, you
erode your self-confidence and self-esteem. And with every failed attempt, you "prove" to
yourself that you can't or shouldn't do the thing you want.
And as you continue spiralling down, you become more and more frustrated, discouraged,
and angry with yourself. These feelings trap you and keep you from doing whatever it is you
need to do to break free.
Fortunately, you can escape self-sabotaging behaviour, and this starts with recognizing the
negative messages you send to yourself.
Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage
1. Recognize Your Self-Sabotaging Behaviour
In order to stop self-sabotage, you first need to recognize your own self-sabotaging
behaviour. Ask yourself:
 What goals have you had for yourself for a long time and never been able to accomplish?
 What do you consistently fail at, for no obvious reason?
 Are there particular areas where you find yourself procrastinating or putting off making a
decision?
 Are you suffering from lack of motivation to do something that you want to do?
 Do you find yourself unreasonably angry or frustrated, and is this affecting your
relationships?
 Is there an area where other people (and in particular, your boss) consistently get
frustrated with you?
 Is there something in your life that nags at you and causes you dissatisfaction because
you know you could do it, or do it better?
Ask yourself questions like these, and tune in to the situations where you may be sabotaging
yourself.
2. Monitor Your Negative Thinking
Think about what you say to yourself when you engage in this behaviour. Write down all
your negative thoughts, however silly or unrealistic they may seem.
Tip:
The ideal time to do this is when you're engaged in the behaviour. As you do, monitor your
"stream of consciousness" and write all the negative self-talk down.
If this isn't realistic, use imagery . Ask yourself:

 What can you say to yourself that is positive or encouraging?
 What options do you have? Is there more than one way to achieve your goal?
 Can you build self-confidence by setting and achieving much smaller goals, on your way
to achieving the big ones that you've not achieved in the past?
Turn your assumptions around and put them in the correct perspective. Align them with
positive beliefs about what you can accomplish. When your skills, beliefs and behaviours are
aligned, you will have the right mental, emotional and physical states to do whatever you
set your mind to.
Then use your answers to come up with a message that inspires you to move in a positive
direction. For example, "Even though I doubt that I can complete this project on time, I know
I have the resources and skills I need to get me through. When I start tackling the project, I
know I will release a lot of the stress and anxiety I have been carrying around while I've been
procrastinating."
Tip 1:
Take a look at other people around you who are doing what they set out to do and living the
life they were meant to live. Do they actually have better skills than you? Have they been
given opportunities that you haven't?
Probably not, at least initially. What they have is a belief they can do whatever they want to
do. They tell themselves they can accomplish their goals and dreams, and then they set in
place a plan to achieve this.
Tip 2:
The approach in this article is similar to the approach explained in our Thought Awareness,
Rational Thinking and Positive Thinking
What Is Personal Empowerment?
Taking Charge of Your Life and Career
Strike out into new territory with confidence and skill.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."– Eleanor Roosevelt
Do you ever feel that you have no control over your life and work? Perhaps you feel
dominated by your colleagues, or overwhelmed by the demands of your job. Or is your time
outside the workplace spent tending to other people's needs at the expense of your own?
This sense of powerlessness can be immensely frustrating. But, no matter what personal
challenges you face, you can always make choices that give you back control. Understanding
this is the essence of self-empowerment.
In this article, we examine personal empowerment in more detail, and explore the tools and
techniques that you can use to achieve it.
What Is Personal Empowerment?
Personal empowerment is about taking control of your own life, and making positive
decisions based on what you want.
It's closely linked to attributes like self-esteem , but true empowerment comes when you
convert intention into action.
Personal empowerment means giving yourself permission to succeed. But it doesn't mean
"going it alone." Chances are, you'll need the input, support and guidance of others to
achieve your objectives.
And, in many cases, you'll need their permission, too, in the form of trust, resources, time,
or autonomy, for example.
Bear in mind that "empowerment" is not the same as "entitlement." People who feel
entitled tend to believe that benefits and privileges should come to them automatically,
while empowered people achieve success through hard work, reflection and cooperation.
What Does Personal Empowerment Feel Like?
We all experience self-empowerment in different ways, depending on our personalities and

our circumstances. Let's look at an example:
Nancy and Geraint work in a store as sales clerks. They've worked there for several years but
neither has sought a promotion, even though they both have the skills and knowledge to
move up the ranks.
Do they feel empowered?
In Nancy's case, the answer is actually "yes." Nancy likes her job as it is. She's been offered a
more senior role, but she made a conscious decision to turn it down, because she didn't
want the extra responsibility. However, she feels confident enough to apply again later if
things change.
Geraint, on the other hand, is frustrated. He wants the salary and job satisfaction that come
with promotion, but he's convinced that he would be rejected if he applied for a
management position.
Geraint feels powerless to change his situation, so he doesn't try. It's a vicious circle: the
lack of an opportunity to prove himself has reduced his motivation and sense of
empowerment. As a result, his performance suffers, and he's overlooked by the people who
could give him the promotion that he wants.
How to Achieve Self-Empowerment
It can be difficult to see the way out of a situation like Geraint's. You desperately want to
feel stronger, and to make a bigger impact, but how do you do it?
Consider this four-step process for self-empowerment:
1. Know Yourself
When you feel that you lack power, your confidence and self-esteem can take a knock, too.
Developing your self-awareness – the extent to which you believe that you are the master
of your own destiny, or that your outcomes are determined by external forces, people or
events. Understanding this distinction can enable you to take responsibility for your own
empowerment, and to adopt a mindset . Listing all of the things that you're good at – and
that you could be great at – can be hugely empowering in itself. Building on those strengths,
and knowing how to deal with your limitations, can give you an even bigger boost.
Understanding yourself better is a core aspect of emotional intelligence , qualified
counsellor or mentor tool can help you to identify these areas.
Ask yourself whether you really do lack power in these situations. (Our article, Working
With the Control Influence Accept Model ?
Focus on the areas that mean the most to you, and which correspond with your
personal values , or to ask for a change in your work schedule.
Frame these target areas as SMART goals for reaching them.
3. Develop Your Competencies
To feel empowered, you may depend on another person – often your boss – to confer
power upon you. But it's no use sitting back and waiting to be promoted, or to be put in
charge of an exciting new project. You need to earn that power.
To do this, you may need to learn new skills, or to refresh your existing ones.
Revisit your SMART goals and think about the skills or knowledge that you need. These
could be personal qualities, such as tact or initiative; "soft skills," , and our Bite-Sized
Training™ session, Empowerment and Delegation from your co-workers, your mentor, or
friends and family to help you to identify what you could do next.
Persistence and resilience . Keeping a record of your progress enables you to see how far
you've come – and to remember where you went wrong!
 Cognitive restructuring enables you to see the consequences of negative thought
patterns, and to become more optimistic.
 Affirmations . Take a walk. Go for a bike ride. Work out at the gym. When your body
feels good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you'll feel more powerful.
 Find an inspirational role model. Learn how this person overcame his or her own
challenges – if they did it, so can you.
 Talk
What Is Anger?
Understanding a Strong Emotion
One in three people say that they have a close friend or family member who has anger
problems.
The finding, from a survey conducted in the U.K. by the Mental Health Foundation, suggests
that many of us will encounter work situations where emotions run high, and can spill over
into anger.
Not all feelings of anger are negative, though. For example, if you get animated on behalf of
a colleague who's been given an unnecessarily hard time by others in the workplace, your
response may strike a chord and result in a positive outcome. But angry outbursts that
intimidate or undermine co-workers are always unacceptable.
 Injustice, real or perceived.

 Exhaustion and burnout .
 Demands or criticisms that we think are unfair , and they can be as difficult to deal
with as those who scream and shout.
Other people react entirely passively to anger. They show no outward signs of anger, no
matter how furious they are. But these people may be doing themselves more damage
by suppressing their emotions than those who show their anger.
The Dangers of Anger
An appropriate level of anger can spur us to take proper actions, solve problems between
team members.
Effective team working , and the team will stop functioning at its best.
Unexpressed anger can be as harmful as outward rage. The angry person who doesn't
express his or her anger may bear grudges or see himself as a victim , which can help you to
understand how others see you, and in turn enable you to manage your emotions . Being
able to bounce back from disappointment and frustration is much healthier than becoming
angry about it. It's also good to learn to take control of your own situation, and to avoid
believing that you're powerless. Get used to speaking up for yourself helps to combat the
onset of anger, calms you down, and allows you to think clearly.
Take the longer view. If your anger is recurrent, you may need to take a more strategic
approach to dealing with it. Try to develop habits such as these:
1. Exercise regularly. Exercise and centring .
2. Let go of angry thoughts. Try not to think that the world's unfair, or that everyone and
everything is against you. They're not.
3. Assert yourself. Assertiveness Also, see our article, Anger Management when dealing
with angry people , and reassure her that you want to understand what the problem is.
Never meet anger with anger. But don't allow yourself to be manipulated or
browbeaten.
2. Remember that you're talking to a person. Everybody behaves differently, and you
need to treat an angry team member as an individual. If you are his manager you are due
some respect, but so is he. Empathize .
5. Keep it private. Don't allow "a scene" to develop. Find a meeting room or private
space. This will allow you to have a proper discussion, and demonstrates discretion
and tact to help to calm things down.
6. Be aware of unexpressed anger. It won't always be obvious that someone is angry.
Look out for signs such as someone avoiding particular subjects or actions, going quiet in
meetings, or avoiding eye contact. You may need to draw out the problem with careful
use of questioning techniques if you believe they are right, and you have the power to
do so.
Key Points
Anger is an emotion we all feel, and one that many people find hard to deal with. It
can manifest itself in aggressive, confrontational behaviour, or in more passive but no
less damaging ways.
Start to manage your anger by recognizing it. Then, take steps to address it by
tackling the source of your anger. Use relaxation techniques to deal with outbursts.
In the longer term, try to develop self-awareness, emotional intelligence and
resilience to cope better with angry feelings.
When you're dealing with the anger of co-workers, show empathy, and try to
understand the root of their problem. Don't back down, however, and assert yourself
calmly if you feel that someone else is using anger to try to impose their will on you.
How Good Is Your Anger Management?

Controlling Your Anger Before It Controls You
Control anger so that you have a calmer outlook.
We all get angry. It's a normal emotion. However, some of us handle our anger better than
others.
While one person might be a bit unhappy when someone cuts him off in traffic, another is
so angry that he shouts and swears, and starts driving aggressively himself.
How can the same event cause such different reactions? And how can you make sure that
your reaction is the calm one, instead of the wild one?
How Good Is Your Anger Management?
So how well do you manage your anger? Use the online test to find out how well you do.
Instructions
Not
Very
at Rarely Sometimes Often
18 Statements to Answer Often
All
1I seem to get angry unexpectedly,

without really understanding why.
2When someone makes me angry,

I try not to show my emotions, and
pretend to tolerate it.
3When I encounter a problem, I

identify the "right" solution myself
and get it implemented as fast as
possible.
4When I'm angry, I hit something

(or I want to hit something).
5When something frustrating

happens, I know it's not the end of
the world.
6When something really frustrates

me, I can usually see the humor in
the situation, and I laugh at myself
and/or the others involved.
7When people make me angry, I

try to understand why they did or
said what they did.
8I feel that I'm able to control my

anger.
9I can forgive people after they've

hurt or angered me.
Not
Very
All
10When I feel angry, I give myself

a 'time out' (I walk away to calm
down).
11I have an activity, hobby, or

routine I use to release my feelings
of anger.
12When I'm angry, I tend to focus

on my feelings and how I've been
wronged.
13After I've been angry, I think

about what I could or should have
done to control my anger better.
14When I'm angry, I find

alternatives and give myself
enough time to make a good
choice to solve my problems.
15When I'm angry, I tend to yell,

curse, and say things that I later
regret.
16When someone asks me to do

something I really don't want to
do, I agree - and then I'm angry at
myself later.
17If I know a certain situation will

make me angry, I avoid it.
18If another person damages

something of mine due to
Not
Very
All
carelessness, I confront the person

and use the situation to talk about
responsibility.
Total = 0
Score Comment
You seem to let your anger control you, which probably causes you all sorts
of problems. In turn, this may make you more angry. Fortunately, you can
18-
learn how to break this cycle. Read the rest of the article for some great
41
strategies for managing your anger. (Read below to start.)
You're able to manage your anger in some situations and not others. You
have a few strategies that work for you, however, you'll benefit from a better
42-
understanding of what causes your anger, and what actions you can take to
66
better manage your emotions. (Read below to start.)
Well done! You have a very good understanding of what makes you angry,
and you know what to do when you start to feel signs of trouble. You've
67-
developed a wide range of anger management strategies, and you can be
90
proud of these. (Read below for more.)
Manage Your Anger Constructively
The goal of anger management is not to eliminate anger completely: that isn't possible,
since it's a natural human emotion. Rather, the objective is to control and direct your anger
– so that it doesn't control you, or damage an important relationship or situation.
In Anger Management: Channelling Anger into Performance - When you understand

another person's perspective, it helps you analyse the situation objectively and understand
your role in the conflict. Accept that you may not always know best!
Learn to trust others - Assume the best in people, and don't take their actions personally.
Listen - Use active listening , you can reduce the frustration that you feel when your
needs aren't being met. When you know how to ask for what you want, you'll generally feel
more in control, and less likely to say things that you'll later regret.
Tip:
Don't try to communicate when you're still upset. See the next section on controlling your
anger for ideas on how to do this.
Release Your Anger
(Questions 2, 9, 11, 16)
You can reduce the likelihood of losing control by releasing the anger that you've built up.
When you get rid of angry feelings on a regular basis, you'll feel calmer and more even-
tempered, and you'll be more able to deal with the ups and downs of daily life. You can do a
variety of things to release your anger, including the following:
 Take 10 deep breaths. It really does work!
 Do some physical activity – walk, run, swim, play golf, or do some other sport. This can
be great for releasing the stress and frustration you've built up!
 Use a punching bag or a pillow to physically express your anger (in a way that's not
harmful).
 Do yoga, or another relaxing form of exercise.
 Participate in a fun activity or hobby.
 Use a journal and/or art to express your feelings.
 Forgive. At some point, it helps to let go and move on with a fresh attitude.
Some people believe that they have to hold their anger in to control it. This is not is an
effective anger management strategy. Even if you don't show anger to others, that emotion
has to go somewhere: it can be stubborn, and it usually doesn't go away on its own.
Control Your Anger When You Experience It
(Questions 4, 6, 10, 17)
When you start to feel angry, what do you do? Controlling yourself in a bad situation can be
difficult, and your actions will have consequences.
External reactions – like kicking and screaming – don't help. You may feel good for a little
while, but later, you'll surely feel foolish and sorry. Also, you may do permanent damage to
relationships and your reputation.
When you feel that you can't hold your anger in any longer, here are some great strategies
to try:
 Change Your Environment
 Take a break and physically remove yourself from the conflict. Go to another room,
go for a walk, or count to 10. This may give you time to gain perspective and simply
calm down.
 Learn to avoid situations that you know will cause your anger. If you don't like your
teammate's messy desk, don't go into her office.
 If you regularly do something that makes you angry, try to find something else to do
in its place. For example, if the crowded elevator upsets you every morning, take the
stairs.
 Use Humor
 Think of something funny to say (but don't be rude or sarcastic).
 Try to see the funny side of the situation.
 Imagine the other person in a silly situation.
 Learn to laugh at yourself.
 Smile. It's hard to be angry with a smile on your face.
 Calm Yourself Physically

 Use physical relaxation techniques. Take slow, deep breaths and concentrate on your
breathing.
 Tighten and release small muscle groups. Focus on your hands, legs, back, and toes.
 Repeat a word or phrase that reminds you to stay in control and remain confident.
For example, say, "You'll get through this. Relax! You're doing a great job!"
Practice imagery
Anger Management
Williams' 12 Strategies for Controlling Aggression
All of us experience anger from time to time. It's a normal, commonly experienced emotion.
However, anger can be incredibly destructive if we don't know how to control it. Frequent
or misplaced anger can hurt our reputations, destroy our relationships, limit our
opportunities, and even damage our health.
self-test.
Williams and Williams' 12 Strategies for Controlling Anger
We manage anger when we learn to defuse it before it becomes destructive.

Below, we've outlined 12 strategies that you can use to control anger when you experience
it. These reflect an abridged version of 17 strategies that Drs Redford Williams and Virginia
Williams described in their best-selling book, "Anger Kills."
1. Acknowledge That You Have a Problem
If you find it difficult to manage your anger, the first thing you need to do is to be honest
with yourself and acknowledge that you have a problem.
You can then make a plan to deal with it.
2. Keep a Hostility Log
Do you know what causes your anger? Chances are, you don't understand why you react
angrily to some people or events.
Download our hostility log worksheet to monitor the triggers and the frequency of your
anger. When you know what makes you angry, you can develop strategies to channel it
effectively.
3. Use Your Support Network
Let the important people in your life know about the changes that you're trying to make.
They can motivate and support you if you lapse into old behaviors.
These should be give-and-take relationships. Put some time aside every day to invest in
these relationships, especially with close friends and family. You need to be there for them,
just as they're willing to be there for you.
You can alleviate stress when you spend time with people you care about. This also helps
you control your anger.
4. Interrupt the Anger Cycle
When you start to feel angry, try the following techniques:
 Yell "Stop!" loudly in your thoughts. This can interrupt the anger cycle.
 Use physical relaxation techniques like deep breathing .

 Count to 20 before you respond.
 Manage your negative thoughts with imagery .

 Close your office door or find a quiet space, and meditate to see the situation from his
or her perspective.
Be objective here. Everyone makes mistakes, and it is through mistakes that people learn
how to improve.
6. See the Humor in Your Anger
Learn to laugh at yourself and do not take everything seriously. The next time you feel
tempted to lash out, try to see the humor in your expressions of anger.
One way to do this is to "catastrophize" the situation. This is when you exaggerate a
petty situation that you feel angry about, and then laugh at your self-importance.
For example, imagine that you're angry because a sick team member missed a day of
work. As a result, a report you were depending on is now late.
To catastrophize the situation, you think, "Wow, she must have been waiting months for
the opportunity to mess up my schedule like this. She and everyone on the team
probably planned this, and they're probably sending her updates about how angry I'm
getting."
Obviously, this grossly exaggerates the situation. When you imagine a ridiculous and
overblown version of the story, you'll likely find yourself smiling by the end of it.
7. Relax
Angry people let little things bother them. If you learn to calm down, you'll realize that
there is no real need to get upset, and you'll have fewer angry episodes.
Regular exercise and eat a healthy diet.

Dehydration can often lead to irritability too, so keep hydrated throughout the day by
drinking plenty of water.
8. Build Trust
Angry people can be cynical. They can believe that others do things on purpose to annoy
or frustrate them, even before anything happens. However, people often focus less on
you than you might think!
Build trust . When others are speaking, focus on what they're saying, and don't get
distracted by formulating your response before they've finished. When they're done
speaking, show that you listened by reflecting back what they have just said.
10. Be Assertive
Remember, the word is "assertive," not "aggressive." When you're aggressive, you focus
on winning. You care little for others' feelings, rights, and needs. When you're assertive,
you focus on balance. You're honest about what you want, and you respect the needs of
others.
If you're angry, it's often difficult to express yourself clearly. Learn to assert
yourself with one person that you've hurt through your anger. It might be difficult, but
you'll feel better afterwards. Plus, you'll be one step closer to healing the relationship.
Tip 1:
These strategies are only a general guide. If anger continues to be a problem, you might
need to seek the help of a suitably qualified health professional, especially if your anger
hurts others, or if it causes you physical pain or emotional distress.

Stress Management

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What Is Stress?

Learn how to create calm in your life.

Find your oasis and embrace the calm.

A widely accepted definition of stress, attributed to psychologist and professor Richard

In these types of situations, a calm, rational, controlled, and socially-sensitive approach is

General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS)

Selye found that we cope with stress in three distinct phases:

1. The alarm phase, where we react to the stressor.

Stress and the Way We Think

When we encounter a situation, we make two (often unconscious) judgments.

 Cold or sweaty hands and feet.

 Frequent heartburn, stomach pain, or nausea.

 Excessive sleeping, or insomnia.

 Persistent difficulty concentrating.

 Obsessive or compulsive behaviours.

 Social withdrawal or isolation.

 Irritability and angry episodes.

 Significant weight gains or loss.

 Consistent feelings of being overwhelmed or overloaded.

Understanding the Impact of Long-Term Stress

The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale

The Stress Scale

43 Statements to Answer Yes No

1Death of spouse (100)

3Marital separation (65)

4Jail term (63)

5Death of close family member (63)

6Personal injury or illness (53)

8Fired at work (47)

9Marital reconciliation (45)

11Change in health of family member (44)

13Sex difficulties (39)

14Gain of new family member (39)

15Business readjustment (39)

16Change in financial state (38)

17Death of close friend (37)

18Change to a different line of work (36)

19Change in number of arguments with spouse (35)

20A large mortgage or loan (31)

21Foreclosure of mortgage or loan (30)

22Change in responsibilities at work (29)

23Son or daughter leaving home (29)

24Trouble with in-laws (29)

25Outstanding personal achievement (28)

26Spouse begins or stops work (26)

27Begin or end school/college (26)

28Change in living conditions (25)

29Revision of personal habits (24)

30Trouble with boss (23)

31Change in work hours or conditions (20)

32Change in residence (20)

33Change in school/college (20)

34Change in recreation (19)

35Change in church activities (19)

36Change in social activities (18)

37A moderate loan or mortgage (17)

38Change in sleeping habits (16)

39Change in number of family get-togethers (15)

40Change in eating habits (15)

43Minor violations of the law (11)

Support your colleagues through stress by offering a helping hand.

How to Identify Stress in Others?

Stress , too much pressure can cause stress to build.

 Putting off decisions.

 It's OK to protect my time by, because I need .

 I will not allow others to__, because I need _.