The Crying-on-Cue Game

CAMERA MAN
KID ACTOR
DIRECTOR
ACTRESS
ASST. DIRECTOR

1940’s movie set. KID and ACTRESS are in an emotional scene.

KID
Gosh, Mom, what are you saying?

ACTRESS
I’m sorry, Jimmy, but your father—

KID
What about Dad?

ACTRESS
There was a mine collapse. Your father
went in to help some of the other
miners.

KID
But, he’s ok, right? He promised to
take me to the circus!

ACTRESS
He…he didn’t make it out, Jimmy.

KID
You mean--?

ACTRESS
He’s gone, Jimmy.

Kid starts to weep, but it looks phony.

DIRECTOR storms onto set.

DIRECTOR
Cut! Cut!

ACTRESS
What’s the matter Mr. DeMint?

1
 DIRECTOR
I’m not seeing the emotion here!

ACTRESS
I’m doing my best, Mr. DeMint! Do I
have to go to the casting couch again?

DIRECTOR
Not you, sweetie, the kid here.

KID
What do you need from me Mr. DeMint?

DIRECTOR
Waterworks, kid, I gotta see the
waterworks.

KID
Like, sad, right?

DIRECTOR
Kid, you gotta understand, your dad is
gone. You’re not going to see him
again.

KID
Right. I’m not going to the circus,
right?

DIRECTOR
No, sadder than that. You’re really
broken up. I need to see you really
cry. Really let loose. Got it?

KID
Got it, Mr. DeMint!

DIRECTOR
Roll ‘em!

Director steps off to the side.

KID
You mean--?

ACTRESS
He’s gone, Jimmy.

2
Kid starts to weep, more this time.

DIRECTOR
Cut! Cut!

ACTRESS
What is it, Mr. DeMint? Do we have to
“Run Lines” again?

DIRECTOR
You’re doing swell, babe. Kid, listen
up…

Director pulls the kid to the side.

DIRECTOR
Kid, I didn’t want to tell you this
but…your dog died.

KID
What???? Spot’s dead?

DIRECTOR
Like an old double A battery.

Director hustles the kid back to the scene.

DIRECTOR
Action!

ACTRESS
He’s gone, Jimmy.

Kid starts to weep, but it’s awkward and stilted.

DIRECTOR
Didn’t you hear me, kid, your dog died.

KID
I know. I was just really allergic to
him, so maybe my sneezing will stop
now.

DIRECTOR
Cut! Cut. Oh, did I mention your mom
was in a horrible car accident?

3
 KID
What???

He starts to cry.

DIRECTOR
Action!

Kid is crying hard. Then he slowly calms down.

KID
She’s gone?

ACTRESS
She?

DIRECTOR
Oh, wait, did I say “Mom”? It was your
dad!

KID
What??? He’s gone???

ACTRESS
Yes.

Kid starts to whimper, but only a bit.

DIRECTOR
Oh, and your sister fell into the
machinery at her job!

Kid starts bawling now.

DIRECTOR
Great kid, great! Keep it up.
Beautiful! Cut! Print! Take five
everybody!

The kid runs off. The Actress walks over to the Director and
slaps him, then storms off.

ACTRESS
No casting couch for you tonight, Mr.
DeMint!

ASST. DIRECTOR walks up to the director.

4
 ASST. DIRECTOR
Mr. DeMint, we have a problem.

DIRECTOR
What is it, Brad?

ASST. DIRECTOR
Turns out there was no film in the
camera. The cameraman feels really
stupid about it. We didn’t get any of
it.

DIRECTOR
Oh, man.

ASST. DIRECTOR
The cameraman is getting a fresh reel
of film now. He’ll be back in ten.

DIRECTOR
We have no choice. This is the main
scene of the picture. We’ll have to
reshoot the whole thing again.

ASST. DIRECTOR
Yes, sir.

DIRECTOR
Oh, and Brad, get me a list of all the
kid’s other family members. I think
we’re going to need them.

Black out.

The end