NGilsdorf 6.

4 Evidence: Working with Families: Adjusting Awareness of One Family’s Norm

Lunch question 10/9 

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5th 2018.2019 Class 2022 

 
  Oct 10, 2018, 5:24   
PM 
Nicolle Gilsdorf   
<ngilsdorf@omsslo.com> 
 
 

Hi ​Parent name,​
I have a strange request. It was reported to me that ​Student ​was repeatedly asking for food from other
people's lunches. It is not that he is hungry, or does not have a good lunch, but that he wants specific things in
other kids' lunches. Apparently, he is a little demanding and the boys finally felt like they had to tell me.
I have not had the time to catch ​Student ​and ask him about it. I don't know if this has been an issue before, but
I believe the boys that reported it and wanted to follow up with Yadi.
I was planning on chatting with him tomorrow but thought that it might be a better conversation, calmer, to have
at home.
So, what are your thoughts on this? Would you like me to address it with ​Student​, or do you want to explore it
with him?
If there is anything that I can help with, please let me know.
Sincerely, Ms. Gilsdorf

  Oct 10, 2018, 7:28   

 
PM 
 

<Parent @gmail.com> 
 
 

Hi Ms. Gilsdorf,
Thanks for your email and for sharing this with me. I just tried to talk to ​Child a​ bout it and he said he does not
remember ever doing that (I asked ​Child ​in a few different ways). We have had these conversations in years
past from other boys doing that to him (specifically ​Student ​, who isn't there anymore) and it was a huge
problem that we worked with ​Child ​on, regarding how to stand up for himself and things like that. We also
have pretty strict dietary rules that we follow in our religion, so we talk a lot about meals and what to put in his
lunch, etc.
That said, I have been working with ​Child o ​ n not succumbing to peer pressure, as I have noticed that he acts
differently when he is around his guy friends at school than how he acts at home. I just reiterated all of that
today and told him not to ask for things from other people's lunches, and not to even talk to people about
what's in their lunch (so that it doesn't turn into an ask or an implied ask).
If you talk to him, it may be helpful giving specific examples, if you have them. We have found that you
sometimes have to be very black and white with ​Child,​ and he responds well to that at home (e.g., "When you
say ______, other people might think you are being mean so say it this way instead...").
Let me know how it goes. I'm more than happy to try and tag team these things.
Thanks, ​parent

  Oct 10, 2018, 9:29   

 
PM 
Nicolle Gilsdorf 
<ngilsdorf@omsslo.com> 
 
 

Hi ​Parent​,
Thank you for sharing some background with me regarding past experiences with lunch issues. ​Student
proudly shares his religion in class and I sincerely appreciate his willingness to do so. Thank you also for
reminding me that ​Student f​ ollows a strict diet.
Peer pressure is a difficult thing! I do feel that ​Student ​has a very strong sense of self, and see that he has
developed comfortable friendships at school. ​May I ask, do you think he is asking for food from other kids that
he can't have considering his strict diet?​ For example, I gathered that when they say he asks, they offer him
popcorn, and he declines, asking for something else. I'm just curious as to what you think.
Thank you so much for your insight into being very clear with ​Student ​when talking about behavior. I
appreciate the insight and will use it when I talk to him.
I believe that we are a team!
Sincerely, Ms. Gilsdorf
PS On a separate note, I noticed that you do not capitalize your name. May I ask if this is intentional? If so,
may I be so forward to ask why? And, if so, would you like me to also not capitalize your name? By no means
am I trying to be offensive, just curious about something I noticed.

  Oct 10, 2018, 9:57   

PM 
<parent@gmail.com>   

 
 

Hi Ms. Gilsdorf,
I am very curious about the lunch thing and have two hypotheses:
1. ​Child ​is, like you said, asking for food that we don't let him have (pork for religious reasons; food with lots of
preservatives and artificial flavors for health reasons)
2. ​Child ​is curious about other people's food and there is a communication breakdown/misunderstanding
I asked him about popcorn and things, wondering if it would jog his memory, and he said he still does not recall
doing that. I really hope that you can get more information after talking to him. We have found ​Child ​to be
honest with us in the past and I hope he is being honest with us now.
Regarding capitalization: I am a huge feminist and, as one, believe in egalitarianism. I read really fascinating
works when I was an adolescent about patriarchy, power, and the assumptions of many languages that
capitalize things like names. The idea is that some languages make individuals overly important and capitalize
things like names, the word for "I", etc. I found this so interesting and since then took on the preference of not
capitalizing my name when I do not have to (I also don't capitalize "i" when writing things with my own hand).
Others have done this before me (e.g., the author bell hooks, the poet e.e. cummings, etc.). I also really
believe that we humans need constant reminders to not take ourselves so seriously and try to be humble; not
capitalizing things helps me think about that.
I'm not offended by questions--this is how we learn!! I do not expect people to do what I do, and am not
offended when they do not follow what I do.
Thanks for being an open-minded teacher for ​Child.​ We want him to be proud of his identities.

Hi Ms. Gilsdorf,

I wanted to clarify what I mean by #2 in my previous email:

My husband and I are from very collectivistic cultures in which we share everything, including food. We have
always taught ​Child ​to be this way and this is how we are as a family--we give freely to each other, are curious
about what the other is eating/doing, etc. We are also affectionate, sit very closely together, are together often,
etc. It would not surprise me if these behaviors are misunderstood if another person is not from the same kind
of situation.

Just in case this gives some perspective,