What Are The Top Arguments Against Arranged Marriages?

Let us discuss top 8 arguments against arranged marriages. Bear in mind that we are only talking about
arranged marriages and not forced marriages. In our society, an arranged marriage has plenty of room
for concealing deal breakers, like the below listed :

1. One is not in control to choose a life partner

You come into this world with all your relations already in place- except one. Finding a spouse is
essentially everyone’s right, and arranged marriages take away that sole right as well. One does not get
to listen to their mind and compare them against their ideals. Most parents believe that a meeting or
two with the prospective match is enough to take a decision for a lifetime.

2. Compatibility is decided by parents, family

Compatibility can create a successful marriage or make a recipe for disaster. However, in case of
arranged marriages, one cannot know enough about the other person to gauge the compatibility level in
the short courtship period, wherein most people put their best foot forward.

3. The process is dehumanizing

Some cultures follow a practice that involves the prospective bride to be selected based on color,
height, weight etc. The girl is often paraded like a commodity and the groom can reject the girl for the
way she looks- breast size to wide smile. People in arranged marriages marry the physical aspects of a
person that satiates them, not the qualities.

4. Love is the second priority

In India at least, arranged marriages are marriages between families. This puts a lot of pressure on both
the partners to meet the opposite family’s expectations. This often leads to frustrations, frequent
arguments and unhealthy compromises – making love take a seat at the end.

5. Extended family interference

Because the full control of the wedding and everything concerned with it lies with parents, their
involvement stays paramount in the relationship. Sometimes, it could turn nasty with privacy and
individuality both being compromised, giving the marriage a miserable shape.
6. Expectations are not clearly defined

All of us have some expectations out of our life partners, which actually rarely get discussed in arranged
marriages. With a very limited say in your and your partner’s life, it could make a marriage unhealthy
and unsustainable.

7. One ends up living with a stranger

Imagine meeting a person a few times briefly and the next thing you know is you are sharing a life with
him or her! Bizarre as it may sound, it is the truth. Arranged marriages do not leave one with enough
time to get to know each other closely.

8. Likely communication gap

One does not know what to expect out of the marriage, one is in a very limited control of the
relationship and one is battling loads of family interference. Communication gap creeps up its ugly head
and turns to be a potential relationship wrecker.

9. Relationship takes a long time to bloom

With love a second priority and the weight of family expectations, it is but only likely that a relationship
will take a long time to bloom. It is sometimes after having children that a couple realizes that they are
indeed, in love!

10. Love making is a chore

With little or no feelings, love making just becomes a regular chore, at least for women in the initial
stages of arranged marriages. No one talks about what they like or dislike and simply ‘do it’ because
they are married.

11. Financial loopholes

In arranged marriages, there are huge chances that one is not aware of financial debts of the other
family. Sometimes, one partner is not prepared to deal with the financial commitments of the in-laws
and this serves as a deal breaker. Dowry is often associated with arranged marriages, so as to show-off
the financial status of a family.
12. Low divorce rate, but high unhappiness index

Because arranged marriages involve families, people tend to live in bad marriages for the fear of brining
shame to the family. Even if a marriage is an abusive one, many women continue to live their life in
misery and fear as a divorce is unthinkable and will bring bad name to their families.

So Are Arranged Marriages Wrong?

In theory, arranged marriages seem a perfect way to start a married life. Why, the divorce rates are
almost negligible! But in practice, they are much like a social evil, with individuals having little or no
choice over their most important decision in life. They bring about a lot of other evils too, like abuse,
dowry, compromises etc. Love should be the driving force behind a marriage, not family pressures. Kick-
starting a new life with someone needs to be a happy, mutually consented decision so that life is
enjoyed in all its glory.

Advantages of Love Marriage

Love marriage is an union between two individuals who are attracted to each other after having met
either at school, college, office, or through common friends or in the neighborhood. They mutually
decide to tie the knot that would not permit legally any other person to get involved between them. In
other words, they are legally together. Young people are going in for love marriages rather than an
arranged one. Why so?

One has the complete freedom to select his or her life partner. No elder decides.

Selecting one’s own partner is a sign of maturity.

One is not marrying a total stranger. One knows the weak and positive points in order to adjust easily
in matrimony.

Marriage is based upon love for each other and although the chances of it breaking down are there,
yet the young couple hopes that their togetherness lasts forever.

Mutual respect for each other is there as they know each other before itself.

Marriage is not imposed. It is an independent choice.