COPING

WITH GUILT
AND SHAME
 GUILT
• a negative AFFECTIVE STATE usually experienced
as a result of having done something (by action
or omission) that is perceived to be wrong, and
that is focused on the condemnation of oneself
• Bothered conscience
 GUILT
Researches support the notion that guilt can
play a positive role in the development of
VIRTUOUS CHARACTER.
Guilt can elicit reflection on a wrongful action,
perspective-taking with the one injured, and
empathy that results in concern for them for
their own sake
 SHAME
• an emotion (negative evaluation of self)
that is closely related to guilt,
• defined as "a painful emotion caused by
consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or
impropriety.
Both S H A M E and G U I LT can
have intensive implications for our
perceptions of self and our behavior
toward other people, particularly in
situations of conflict.
Guilt can take many forms:
• Remorse for actions done
previously
• Shame directed toward other
people
• Fear of rejection by others
• Self -condemnation
Some of the experiences of guilt arise from breaking of
a moral obligation and therefore fall within the realm of
ETHICS.
However, there are many other experiences of guilt
which are not in the moral sphere at all for they are
not connected with the responsible violation of any
true moral obligation but arise because of other
PSYCHOLOGICAL OR SOCIAL REASONS.
 TYPES OF GUILT

A. SHAME
1. Hesitancy to assert oneself
2. A feeling of shame for a
particular inner feeling
3. Shame for what others might be
thinking
 TYPES OF GUILT

B.FEAR
1. A fear of Rejection by
parents and family
2. Fear of rejection by society
 TYPES OF GUILT

C . FAU LT
1. A feeling of guilt for a mistake
2. A sense of self-rejection
3. A sense of being uncomfortable with “one’s shadow”
4. A sense of remorse for having betrayed a personal moral
rule
5. A sense of remorse for violating a human relationship
6. A sense of guilt for a failure in one’s responsibility to
others
7. A sense of remorse for having betrayed one’s own self
8. A sense of guilt for being involved in the fault of a group
9. A sense of remorse for having ignored God in one’s life
The presentation of all these guilt feelings raises
some thought-provoking questions:
• How do we deal with all of these feelings of guilt?
• Are guilt feelings good or bad?
• On what basis do we judge guilt feelings as good
or bad?
• How do we decide whether we are
experiencing TRUE guilt or FALSE guilt?
 T RU E a n d FA L S E G
U I LT
WHAT DO WE DO WITH OUR FEELINGS
OF GUILT?
 T RU E a n d FA L S E G
U I LT
Principles to distinguish FALSE guilt from
TRUE guilt:
1. For there to be true guilt, there must exist a
VALID OBLIGATION that applies to you.
Obligation arising
from a valid moral
source. (natural law,
divine law etc.)
 T RU E a n d FA L S E G
U I LT

2. For there to be TRUE guilt for the

performance of an immoral act, the immoral
act must be INTENDED.
 T RU E a n d FA L S E G
U I LT

3. For there to be TRUE GUILT for a state of

affairs that exists, persons must be responsible
for it – YOU MUST HAVE CAUSED IT.
 T RU E a n d FA L S E G
U I LT
4. For there to be TRUE GUILT in omitting to do
something I must be obliged to perform that
action.
TRUE GUILT
• comes from a lack of internal integrity.
• we don’t follow our own truth
• we do something that we can see is clearly ‘wrong’ (even if
we only see this in retrospect).
• True guilt is reasonable and appropriate.
• And with true guilt we can face ourselves, make amends and
resolve the matter as best we can, then move on.
• It’s a mature response that helps us learn and be accountable.
FALSE GUILT
• It’s triggered by something external to us – an outside
demand we could not or did not meet.
• False Guilt is unreasonable (you can’t reason with it)
• inappropriate (the guilt is applied incorrectly)
• unhealthy (we make ourselves feel terrible).
• Is about BLAMING OURSELVES.
• And when we feel this unreasonable or false guilt,
making amends does not resolve our guilty feelings. We get
stuck in a cycle of self-judgement, suffering pointless and often
debilitating emotional pain.
 HOW TO COPE WITH FEELINGS OF
GUILT

1. Face the feelings of guilt. Release feelings of guilt by talking

about them, sharing, confessing, getting honest

2. Learn to forgive yourself. – Do you judge yourself too harshly?

3. Examine the origins of your guilt – Is the reason that you feel
guilt rational and reasonable? Inappropriate or irrational guilt
involves feeling guilty in relation to something that in reality you
had little or nothing to do with.
 HOW TO COPE WITH FEELINGS OF
GUILT

4. Change the related behavior so that the action or actions triggering

feelings of guilt and remorse cease. Simply put: If something you are
doing is causing you to feel guilty, then stop doing it and you will no
longer have a reason to feel guilty any longer.

5. Clarify new values for yourself and take realistic action in the present
instead of dwelling on the past. Think about positive action you can
take in your life now to feel better. What can you do to improve things
going forward?
 HOW TO COPE WITH FEELINGS OF
GUILT

6. Practice forgiving others, helping others and doing good for

others. Learning to empathize and forgive others can help you
to learn to forgive yourself.

7. Apologize or just seek peace. Is there something you can say

or do in order to try to show that you are willing to make peace
where there has been hurt, conflict, or disagreement?
 HOW TO COPE WITH FEELINGS OF
GUILT

8. Let go - The past is the past, so at some point, even if there

are things you have done to hurt others, if you are sorry now,
you need to let them go. If you are truly remorseful over
something you have done wrong in the past and you tried to
make peace or amends, you can still forgive yourself even when
others do not forgive you. By the same token, if someone who
hurt you is sorry, learn to let it go yourself so you can forget
about the hurt and then focus on moving forward.
HOW TO COPE WITH FEELINGS OF
GUILT

9. AVOID SHAME
Shame is about SELF-BLAME and is directly
linked to low self-esteem. Shame most
often comes from the negative messages
we may receive as children from our family