Fear of Commitment Phobia – Gamophobia

Gamophobia is the fear of commitment, though it can also be the excessive, persistent,
uncontrollable and irrational fear of marriage. It is derived from the Greek word Gamos
which means marriage and phobos meaning fear. However, many experts agree that there is
a subtle difference between the fear of marriage and the fear of commitment phobia. A
person might be afraid of getting married but s/he might still remain committed to a single
partner for life.

Gamophobia is not just having “cold feet” at the thought of marriage; it is the morbid fear at
the idea of committing for life. Such a fear is described as being ‘parallel to the fear of
dying’. People who suffer from this phobia prefer being bachelors/spinsters for life, or
staying in a committed relationship without ever tying the knot.

Causes of fear of commitment phobia

As with any other specific phobia, Gamophobia is also caused by an intense negative
experience in the past. It traumatizes the suffering individual to an extent to which s/he
‘learns’ to dread commitments. One creates negative images or movie stills in mind about
marriage.

How afraid are you?

Often, factors like heredity, genetics, adrenal insufficiency, having a tendency towards
anxiety attacks or being ‘high strung’ can also cause a fear of commitment phobia.

Symptoms of Gamophobia

A person with the fear of commitment phobia displays many psychological and emotional
symptoms at the thought or subject of marriage/commitment:

Psychological symptoms include:

 Feeling of dread or terror at the thought of marriage.

 The person goes to great lengths to avoid the topic. S/he may experience
uncontrollable anxiety that makes it difficult for the person to function normally.
 The individual understands that such fear is irrational but is powerless to control it.
 Really bad thoughts, movie stills or negative images are likely.
 Feeling of losing control or going crazy are also experienced by Gamophobes.

Physical symptoms of the fear of commitment are:

 Trembling
 Nausea
 Crying
 Rapid heart rate
 chest pain, dizziness, fainting
 Sweating, shortness of breath
Overcoming Gamophobia or the fear of commitment

As is the case with other specific phobias, Gamophobia can also be cured using a variety of
effective techniques. The right treatment along with help and support of family and friends
can go a long way in helping the individual overcome the fear of commitment.

 Talk therapy is the first line of treatment recommended for this phobia. The sufferer is
encouraged to talk about his fears, the intricacies of commitments and other aspects of
marriage to a trusted person. This can be a mentor, a parent, a friend or a professional
mental health expert. In fact; depending on the degree and extent of the phobia, it is
best to seek help from an expert psychiatrist.
 Hypnotherapy is another highly effective therapy that can help trace the roots of the
Gamophobia to help unlearn negative responses formed about marriage or
commitment.
 Behavior therapy and systematic exposure therapy are two other effective methods for
overcoming this phobia.

People who are in a committed relationship but are suffering from the fear of marriage
phobia must find ways to treat it and also confide in their partners about it. Phobias can go
out of control if left untreated. Needless to say, this can cause a great deal of heartache and
misery to all those involved. However, there is hope and “happily ever after” is possible in
majority of such cases.

Practice relaxation techniques. If your fear of marriage causes you stress, find a way to
unwind. This may help you come to terms with it. When you find yourself worrying about
marriage, try some methods for dealing with anxieties that apply in other parts of life.[21]

 Try yoga or meditation. These exercises are designed to help you stop dwelling on
your anxieties.
 Drink less coffee and alcohol. These are drugs that can affect your mood as well as
your brain chemistry. If you are feeling high-strung because of marriage anxiety,
decrease your consumption of coffee and alcohol.
 Get enough sleep and exercise. These are essential to your physical and emotional
health, and help you reduce your fears and anxieties.
 2
 Journal your thoughts. The act of putting your anxieties down on paper forces you to
pinpoint what it is that scares you about marriage. It is also therapeutic. As you write
about your fears, try to come up with solutions to them. Write about why you want to
get married, and how your partner can help you achieve your goals.
 3
 Remind yourself about who your partner is. Write down the stable, unchanging
qualities you see in your partner. Think about struggles and conflicts you have faced in
the past and how you overcame them. Don't let your anxiety or fear make you forget
how amazing your partner is and all the reasons you want to be with him or her.
 Talk about your fears with your partner. This is the perfect opportunity to exercise
the communication skills that are essential for any healthy relationship to last. For
many people, important life goals come to fruition as a part of marriage. Though
everyone changes their mind on issues throughout life, not everyone sees themselves
 in the same place down the road. Talk about kids, careers, money, and "deal
breakers."[22] Everything is a little less scary when said out loud, so let it out.
Recognize life’s imperfection. You, your partner, and everyone on this earth are imperfect.
There will be rocky periods in your life whether you’re married or not. Periods of
unhappiness or struggle are inevitable. Think about whether you will be more able to
overcome unhappy moments with a life partner.

 Work on building a relationship with your partner that helps you handle sources of
stress and angst. In doing so you also create a built-in defense mechanism in your
marriage.
 Picture yourself in 10-20 years. Your plans will change, but in general, do you see
yourself married? Although everyone’s ideal time frames change throughout life,
having an idea of what you want to achieve puts a positive spin on future planning.
Not wanting your life to drastically change is OK, just make sure your partner has the
same aspirations.
 Try living together. Not everyone's culture allows this, but it has worked for many as
a way to determine if they would live well with their partner. Use it as a way to
explore each other's living habits before the vows. Make sure you approach this
experiment with acceptance as a goal. They will have little quirks that you notice for
the first time, but so do you — you just haven't perhaps identified them.
alk to your parents. If your parents are still married, they will almost certainly be able to
tell you that they weren't always sure about the idea. They should also have tips for
overcoming fear of marriage that they have realized over the years. It will also give you a
real-life example of people for whom marriage has worked.

et’s say the most severe case of cold feet ever known to mankind belongs to you. In fact, the
mere mention of marriage may even cause you to panic, or become nauseated or aggressive.
These symptoms are commonly associated with gamophobia, or the fear of marriage. No
matter how hard you try, you’re afraid to make a serious commitment, and nothing can
convince you that saying “I do” won’t completely ruin your relationship/your life.

For many people who have major concerns about marriage, the idea of getting hitched feels
like signing away their freedom and being trapped in an arrangement that is stifling and way
too permanent.

Like many irrational fears, the reasons certain people are afraid to get married are numerous:
Some commitment phobes have personal insecurities that aren’t related to the relationship,
while others suffer from depression or have negative associations to marriage that they
simply cannot shake.

And for a lot of people, this is fine. Their vision of a full, awesome life doesn’t necessarily
include marriage, so whatever. But for others, their fear of marriage is in direct conflict with
their desire to eventually be part of one. Yes, the two things can totally coexist within the
same person.

If the thought of marriage strikes fear in your heart, but you don’t want it to, here are
five ways to get over your gamophobia (assuming you even want to).
1Realize that nothing really changes after marriage.

2Surround yourself with happily married couples.

via giphy

If you’re a gamophobe who can manage to tolerate conversations about marriage, participate
in a little bit of exposure therapy by engaging with married folk who are still smitten with
one another after getting hitched. When you locate them (and we’re more than confident you
will), you’ll probably find that at least one party had some reservations beforehand. If
possible, talk to them about how they overcame their fear of marriage, and think about how
you can apply some of those approaches to your own relationship.

3Get to the root of your fear.

via giphy

Maybe you need to take a look around you and determine if it’s possible that your fear of
marriage is a result of you internalizing all the failed relationships you’ve observed. Perhaps
your parents’ marriage troubles left an imprint on you, causing you to instantly reject the
notion of committing to someone forever. Maybe you had a bad marriage. Whatever it is,
figuring out the underlying source of your fear is a huge part of dissolving it.

4Examine your expectations of marriage.

via giphy

Are they realistic? Are you afraid that getting married IRL won’t live up to the glee-filled
fantasy you’ve created in your head? If that’s the case, then take comfort in knowing that
you’re not alone.

According to HuffPost, a major reason people fear engagement is because they’re afraid their
marriages won’t succeed. In essence, the fear causes them to deny their marriages a chance
to succeed before they even get to the point of proposal.

If you can’t get to the bottom of your aversion to saying “I do,” consider seeking the help of
a professional to help you sort things out. Whatever you choose to do, make sure it involves
taking preventative measures to stop fear from destroying your relationship.

In the end, some people genuinely feel like marriage isn’t necessary, and that’s totally cool.
If you’ve tried everything you can think of to work through your gamophobia but still can’t
envision yourself taking that dreaded trip down the aisle, then feel free to go with whatever
type of relationship works best for you and your partner.

As long as there is mutual love and respect between you and your S.O., you can totally enjoy
a long-term fulfilling union that doesn’t make you feel like you’re living out your worst
nightmare.