Chapters 1 - 2

To climb the spiritual mountain is to know more about who Christ is, as we
ascend towards the top of the mountain our knowledge of Christ deepens. I picture an
unfathomable mountain in which the journey upwards never ends, the mountain is lush
with flora and the air is brisk, it is a quiet journey, in which one partakes with Christ at
the side. As a human the peak is unattainable; for the ascent to the summit can only be
achieved after ascension into the presence of God. It is only through the death and
resurrection of Christ, that we are deemed worthy of the peak and we can be carried up
it in the arms of Jesus.
The thing that I want most in life is to be known. To experience the peace of being
known by the God of the heavens, the joy of being in the presence of Jesus Christ, and to
understand God better through the eyes of others and my self perception. I feel like I am
on a path to going after my deepest desires, however many things constantly try to pull
me away, life, sin, pressure from others, self doubt. I would try and rid myself of all
distractions from pursuing a life towards the goal of proclaiming the name of God.
Small steps to take are to begin to practice spiritual disciplines one at a time,
habits overcome habits, being more open to changing my lifestyle so that I can know
more about God. The discipline that I his ave begun because of the book Celebration of
Discipline is meditation, which I think is a good foil to the super busy lifestyle of work
and school.
In my pursuit of Christ and working in his ministry, my biggest fear is that when
the end comes and I am face to face with Christ and he will say that you didn’t do
enough. Even with the understanding that Christ is all sufficient and all forgiving this
fear continues to plague me. Every time I feel like I take one step forward, I take one
step back and I constantly struggle with a notion of adequacy, this is also one of the
biggest distractions from pursuing a deeper relationship with Christ. A feeling of having
to constantly please others and please God preoccupy my time, not wanting to let down
others and disappoint their expectations of me.
Similarly, the approval of others is an attachment that I find hard to let go,
feeling that I don’t have societal normal relationships with others makes it hard to
progress in my spiritual faith and give me the freedom that I long for, looking deeper
into my own heart I have a longing to hear the words “good and faithful servant”,
whether it comes from God or from the voice of others. A sense of belonging and
freedom to follow Christ without the expectations of others.
 Chapters 3 -4

Chapter 3 was an interesting read, because it puts lessons I have learnt in the past
into a different perspective. Because I grew up in a milieu where I did not share many
commonalities with, Christ and his church became one of the few places where I
genuinely felt like I belonged. The very idea that I am made whole and accepted because
of Christ’s death and resurrection leads to boundless extrapolations and a never ending
wonder of the grace that has been bestowed to us through the Cross. I have to remind
myself daily that “I am a child of God” because so many things tell me I am not.
Understanding that I am accepted and living like I am accepted however are two vastly
different struggles, the former is a product of living a life under the blood of the cross for
which a daily does of the Gospel is prescribed, while the latter is my sinful heart wanting
the acceptance of others and the spiritual disciplines are the only secure path forward.
From my experience a better understanding of the Gospel does not lead to a
natural change and reformation of a way of living. There requires a combined effort
from God through the Holy Spirit to change my heart and repurpose my soul for his
goodness, and every step of the way feels like a sculptor chiselling away at the defects to
reveal the perfect, Christ-like son underneath. For the sculpture no end is in sight, as the
beauty of the masterpiece that is the work done in us can only been seen when the work
has been fully completed or if the master gives us a window into his perspective. But one
must continue to suffer and be transformed until everything is done.
So on this upward journey to the top of the spiritual mountain one must succumb
to the ever pressing voice of God, which calls us to let go and trust in him. Only then can
we truly see that we’re not the ones truly climbing, but God has been slowly reeling us
back towards him and rather than begrudgingly marching towards the summit we can
ease into the knowledge that every step forward we take, God is pulling us closer to him.
 Chapters 5-6

That which I would attribute to as my biggest addiction is an infatuation with

marriage and sex. In a culture where being in a relationship is the norm and choosing to
remain single in pursuit of ministry brings a multitude of symptoms of addiction. There
is a constant awareness of a wanting of relationships rather than a wanting 0f God, and I
am not always able to refrain from these thoughts and feelings. It hinders my spiritual
climb as these thoughts would gravitate me towards actions so I can accomplish my own
goals rather than keeping a mind on the work of Christ.
When I consider whether or not I want to be made well, an internal conflict
arises, I want to be made well, but in my own understanding of what well means.
Partially with the struggle of wanting to be understood and wanting to be known leads
to a wanting of relationships; in where my on conceptions and ideals push through. My
mind says that I want to be made whole and perfect but my heart fights to love that
which God made perfect on the cross.
Therefore there comes a crossroads when the mind wants one thing and the heart
another and I gain a deeper understanding of Paul’s words in Romans 7:15, but the
struggle remains nonetheless. Therefore the small steps that I pursue are towards a life
of simplicity, if I cannot control my own thoughts in those situations then I must first
remove myself from those situations when possible, and in that which I cannot alter, I
continually remind myself to turn to Christ who is the comforter.
In setting priorities in climbing the spiritual mountain two priorities arise to the
top. The first is to find work as a minister, wherever that may be, in leading,
shepherding and suffering with a community of believers that has been entrusted to me
by the grace of God. The second is to build a family and multiply; spiritually, physically,
and in community. These are the priorities that have arisen after taking stock of my life
and how God has worked in the past, and the current trajectory of my life.
I write these priorities down in full understanding that these are my personal
biased interpretation of God’s will in my life, and that failure due to the sinful nature of
my own heart will be a constant reminder of the grace that God has given me and to rest
on his perfect plans rather than trying to orchestrate every little aspect of my life. To fail
and to fall is to be human, for if we were never to fail there would be no necessity to
cleave onto the Father.
 Chapters 7-8

Truly busyness is not just from the Devil, it is the Devil. This past week has been
filled with much to do and much to think about. I did not have an opportunity to process
and reflect on the chapters during the week. In practicing simplicity and solitude have I
been able to even find rest from the weariness of the week, additionally going to the gym
has been a fixture in the busyness of life.
My experience with suffering has led me to remind myself of the glory of heaven
that awaits in the future. All pain and sorrow falls away amidst the comfort of Christ and
the knowledge that all will be well one day. Reminder that time heals all and ultimately
Christ is sovereign over all life and thus worry and stress are insignificant in the process
of healing. Spending time with others also helps to remedy the sorrows of the soul and
being encouraged by the voices of those who love me.
 Chapter 9-10

In order to make Jesus a larger part of my life, I think, is to spend more time
with him, whether in prayer, in study or in the fields. Fellowship and discipleship occur
when you are in proximity of one another and you can hold one another accountable for
your words, your thoughts and your actions; to reconcile mistakes, to forgive and to
grow with one another. Thus spending time with Jesus is how I can see myself moving
towards a closer relationship with Christ.
Because I understand ultimately Christ is in charge of every minute detail of life I
can rest in knowing that all that I do is for him, by him, and through him. This gives me
the freedom to live a life where everything is returned back to him. Turning back to him
is the natural reaction because it is through him all things occur. This is neither a
constant or consistent practice in my life but it is one thing that I am working on in my
life. Not just giving up the big, monumental life changes but also the small insignificant
decisions as well.
I have spent most of my life as a child with only having the essentials since my
parents were new immigrants with not much to their name. Then going off to university
left me living a very modest life, spending most of my earnings on school and ministry
related activities, even occasionally over my own well being. I think one of the side
effects of this lifestyle is that I have a preoccupation with high valued multi use items as
opposed to disposable, cheap possessions, additionally this has given life to a preference
of experiences over material possessions. Thus giving has not been an issue in my life as
I give as much as I can whenever I can, I think giving out of my necessity is something I
struggle with but it is something that I continue to strive to remember that everything is
a gift from God, and thus does not belong to me.