BAUMRIND’S PARENTING STYLES (EDUC 1)

Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, first laid out these types of parenting styles in the 1960s

through her research at the University of California, Berkeley. She conducted a series of studies that

looked at people’s approach to parenting based on the demands they placed on their children and their

responsiveness to their kids’ needs, and identified three primary parenting styles. A fourth parenting style

was added later by two other researchers.

1. Authoritarian Parenting Style: Authoritarian parenting is a strict style in which parents set rigid
rules and high expectations for their children but don’t allow them to make decisions for
themselves. When rules are broken, punishments are swift and severe.
2. Authoritative Parenting Style: Authoritative parents provide their children with boundaries and
guidance, but give their children more freedom to make decisions and learn from their mistakes.
3. Permissive Parenting Style: Permissive parents give their kids very few limits and have more of
a peer relationship than a traditional parent-child dynamic. They’re usually super-responsive to
their kids’ needs (think helicopter parent) and give in to their children’s wants.
4. Neglectful Parenting Style. A style added later by researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John
Martin, neglectful parents don’t interact much with their kids, placing no limits on their behavior
but also failing to meet their children’s needs.

These four parenting styles—which still form the foundation for much of today’s research into childhood

development—make up a broad spectrum of behavior that explains how most parents care for their kids.

Of course, every parent-child relationship is unique and every day is different, but chances are, your

natural mode of parenting falls somewhere among Baumrind’s parenting styles.

Not sure which of the different parenting styles represents your own? Find out more about the parenting

styles below to see which one fits you.

Authoritarian Parenting Style

“In authoritarian parenting, you’re saying ‘I don’t trust you to manage things, but rather than doing

things for you, I’m going to force you to do what’s right,’” says Alyson Schafer, a Toronto-based

therapist and author of Honey, I Wrecked the Kids. Parents are the rulers of the roost—and it’s their way

or the highway. This is an old-school type of parenting, where rules are strict and don’t leave much room

for interpretation, punishments are swiftly meted out, and kids rarely have a say in making decisions or

choosing things for themselves.

What authoritarian parenting looks like

If you regularly find yourself saying, “Because I said so,” you might have an authoritarian bent to your

approach to raising kids. Authoritarian parents have strict rules that should be followed no matter what,

decide things for the child without their input, resort to punishment to ensure obedience, and may be less

affectionate or “warm and fuzzy” than parents who subscribe to other parenting styles.
Effects of authoritarian parenting

“Kids [in authoritarian households] will behave as long as the autocratic leader is in the room,” Schafer

says. “But the minute you leave—especially when they’re a little older and finally get a taste of

freedom—they’ll either rebel or look for someone else to show them what to do.”

Schafer says children raised through authoritarian parenting tend to:

 Develop a “follower” mentality and readily conform without thinking for themselves

 Have a hard time discerning right from wrong on their own

 Struggle with self-esteem issues, relying on other authority figures to confirm they have worth

Authoritative Parenting Style

Of the parenting styles, this is often considered the gold standard—the happy medium between the strict

authoritarian parenting style and the permissive approach. Authoritative parents do set limits for their

children, but are also responsive to their needs. Consider it a firm but nurturing style. “Parents operate

like CEOs, but in a friendly way that is respectful and allows the child to learn from consequences,”

Schafer says.

What authoritative parenting looks like

Authoritative parents give their children room to make decisions and learn from mistakes—but still offer

the guidance and rules kids need. When children break the rules, punishments usually stem from the

natural consequences of their behavior—and parents take the time to explain why the child’s behavior

needed correction.

Effects of authoritative parenting

Of the different parenting styles, most studies and experts point to authoritative parenting as the best for

raising well-adjusted, confident and successful kids. “Authoritative parenting is the optimal goal,” says

Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills, California–based child, parenting and relationship psychotherapist and

author of The Self-Aware Parent. “Each parent must balance warmth, love and nurturing with boundaries,

setting limits, following through and taking action to make sure their kids complete their responsibilities.

This promotes raising confident, happy, flexible and resilient children.”

Authoritative parenting is said to help children:

 Become self-assured and happy, thanks to their parents’ attentive nurturing

 Learn how to handle responsibility and make good decisions on their own
  Figure out how to overcome obstacles, since they’re given the opportunity and encouragement to

keep trying

 Trust their own judgment

Permissive Parenting Style

This is the most lax of the parenting styles. Permissive parents act more like their child’s friend, rather

than taking a leadership role in the family. Parents are super-responsive to their kids’ wants and needs,

but don’t want to make rules or do anything that’ll be unpopular with their children. “These parents don’t

know how to set a limit,” Schafer says. “But it’s okay to set limits—you don’t get to have M&Ms for

breakfast.”

What permissive parenting looks like

Picture Dudley Dursley from Harry Potter—a child who demands whatever he wants and knows he’ll get

it, or he’ll act out until he gets his way. (Though generally, permissive parents give in to their children’s

whims almost immediately.) “You don’t want the child ruling the roost—a 4-year-old shouldn’t have the

upper hand in a household,” Schafer says.

Effects of permissive parenting

Permissive parenting tends to lend itself to one of two scenarios: “You end up with either a child who’s

entitled or incredibly anxious because there’s nobody running the ship,” Schafer says.

Walfish paints a bleaker picture of the most lenient of parenting styles. In the worst-case scenario, without

boundaries, consequences, realistic expectations, any structure or protocol for appropriate behavior, she

says, kids with permissive parents tend to:

 Grow up with poor emotion regulation

 Become rebellious and defiant when they don’t get what they want

 Don’t persevere when they’re faced with challenging tasks

 Engage in antisocial behaviors, like drug and alcohol abuse, vandalism, theft and gangs

Neglectful Parenting Style

While not one of the original Baumrind parenting styles, neglectful parenting was added to the paradigm

in 1983 by Eleanor Maccoby, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, and her colleague John

Martin. In neglectful parenting, parents don’t respond to a child’s needs or place any demands on their

child. In its most extreme form, this type of parenting often leads to the authorities getting involved, since

neglectful parenting puts a child in danger.

What neglectful parenting looks like

You (hopefully) haven’t seen this one in action—of the different parenting styles, this is the kind where

the child is essentially left to raise himself. Neglectful parents are detached and uninvolved in their

children’s lives, and fail to meet their kids’ needs—physically, emotionally or otherwise. Parents tend to

not have much conversation or interaction with their children, and are usually absent from the bulk of of

their kids’ activities. With no limits and a lack of guidance, children raised through neglectful parenting

can act out through inappropriate behavior.

Effects of neglectful parenting

“Neglectful parents who place no demands and don’t pay attention or respond to their children raise kids

who have attachment difficulties because the bond between child and parent is so fleeting,” Walfish says.

Kids raised with through this parenting style often grow up to:

 Battle with depression

 Struggle to form close connections with others due to a lacking parent-child bond

 Have failed relationships

 Express anger and hostility through delinquent behavior

 Isolate themselves from society

Diana Baumrind and Parenting Styles

What kind of parent do you think you'll be? Will you be strict? Will your kids have an early
curfew? Or will you be a more lax parent, allowing candy and television before bed?
Psychologists have actually put a lot of thought into these questions, as different parenting
styles affect children in different ways.
Diana Baumrind is one of those psychologists, as well as one of the most well-known
researchers on parenting styles. She earned a Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) in Psychology from
the University of California at Berkeley. In the 1960s, Baumrind developed her Pillar Theory,
which draws relationships between basic parenting styles and children's behavior. See if you
recognize your parents in any of Baumrind's styles of parenting.
Before we get to the parenting styles, however, do you remember the tale of Goldilocks and the
Three Bears? In the story, Goldilocks tries a few different porridges, deeming one too hot, one
too cold and one just right. Okay, this might seem like a totally random point to bring up, but
hang on. Baumrind actually distinguished among parenting styles by identifying one as too hard,
one as too soft and one as just right.
After studying how children and parents relate in the home, Baumrind came up with three major
parenting styles:

 Authoritarian, which is too hard

 Permissive, which is too soft
 Authoritative, which is just right

Authoritarian Parenting
Let's go into a little bit more depth. Authoritarian parenting is a style of child rearing that is
very demanding and rigid. Authoritarian parents are extremely strict and expect their orders to
be obeyed. Think of the popular image of an army drill sergeant. Authoritarian parents expect
their rules to be followed unquestioningly.
Abusive parents almost always fall into this category. That said, Baumrind did not believe that
all authoritarian parents are abusive. Authoritarian parents show low levels of warmth or
responsiveness, meaning they are not very attentive to children's needs. They also tend to
punish their children by withholding love and affection from them when they do wrong.

Permissive Parenting
On the opposite end of the spectrum is the permissive parent, or a parent who is not strict at
all. Contrary to the authoritarian parent, the permissive parent is extremely responsive to a
child's needs and does not enforce many rules or punishments. The term spoiled is often used
to describe the children of permissive parents.
Permissive parents tend not to impose guidelines or limits on their children and are very warm
and loving. Nor do they expect their children to be very responsible. Permissive parents tend not
to portray themselves as authority figures.
Authoritative parenting is a parenting style characterized by high responsiveness and high
demands. Authoritative parents are responsive to the child's emotional needs while having
high standards. They set limits and are very consistent in enforcing boundaries.

Brief History

During the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind described three different types
of parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. This was based on her research with
preschool-age children.

The authoritative parenting style is sometimes referred to as "democratic." It involves a child-centric

approach in which parents hold high expectations for their children.

Traditionally, the authoritative parenting style has been identified as the most effective and helpful to a
child; research suggests that parents should flexibly deploy parenting techniques based on their personal
goals and the unique behaviors of each child.

Characteristics

According to Baumrind, authoritative parents share some common characteristics, including:

 They listen to their children

 They allow their children to express opinions
 They encourage their children to discuss options
 They foster independence and reasoning
 They place limits, consequences, and expectations on their children's behavior
 They express warmth and nurturing
 They administer fair and consistent discipline when rules are broken

While their expectations are high, they also tend to be flexible. If there are extenuating circumstances,
they will adjust their response accordingly. Discipline, then, takes into account all of the variables,
including the child’s behavior, the situation, and so on.

Authoritative vs. Authoritarian Styles

These characteristics can be contrasted with the authoritarian parenting style, which is characterized by
exceedingly high expectations with little warmth and guidance.

For example, imagine a situation where two young boys steal candy from the grocery store. One boy has
authoritative parents, so when he finally arrives home, he receives a fair punishment that fits the nature of
the transgression. He is grounded for two weeks and must return the candy and apologize to the store
owner. His parents talk to him about why stealing is wrong, but are supportive and encourage him not to
engage in such behavior again.
The other boy has authoritarian parents, so when he arrives home, he is yelled at by both of them. His
father spanks him and orders him to spend the rest of the night in his room without dinner. The child’s
parents offer little support or love, and no feedback or guidance about why the theft was wrong.

Effects

In the past, child development experts influenced by Baumrind's work generally identified the
authoritative parenting style as the best approach to parenting.

Research has repeatedly shown that children raised by authoritative parents tend to be more capable,
happy, and successful.

According to Baumrind, children of authoritative parents:

 Tend to have happier dispositions

 Have good emotional control and regulation
 Develop good social skills
 Are self-confident about their abilities to learn new things

Why it Works

Authoritative parents act as role models and exhibit the same behaviors they expect from their children.
Because of this, their kids are more likely to internalize these behaviors and exhibit them as well.
Consistent rules and discipline also allow children to know what to expect.

The parents tend to exhibit good emotional understanding and control. Their children also learn to
manage their emotions and learn to understand others.

Authoritative parents also allow children to act independently. This teaches kids that they are capable of
accomplishing things on their own, helping to foster strong self-esteem and self-confidence.

The Pros and Cons of Authoritarian Parenting

The Cons of Authoritarian Parenting

Fuels Anger

Children raised with an authoritarian style parent tend to never understand why they
were raised with such strict rules and standards. Without the explanation of why a
behavior is wrong, or why the child must do certain things in a specific way, the child can
grow up to feel animosity towards their parents and the outside world without any known
reason.

Lower Self-Esteem

You may find that a child exhibits lower self-esteem when raised by an authoritarian
parent. This is due to the lack of their ability to communicate their needs and be an
individual. A child who is raised in an authoritarian environment isn ’t allowed to be free
thinkers or to express their thoughts to their parents. They have been raised to obey and
be quiet.

Skewed Perception of Society

The last major con of an authoritarian parenting style is that the child isn’t ever allowed
to think for themselves. They have to follow all that their parents say, think and believe
without the opportunity to learn an open-minded view of society. When these children
grow up to live as an adult, they will have a skewed perception of what society truly is at
the current time.
The Pros of Authoritarian Parenting

Obeys All Rules

You will often note a child who’s been raised in an authoritarian environment because
they tend to obey teachers and others in society. They will not question authority figures
and they will peacefully do what is expected of them, no matter what. This can translate
well into the school environment where children must do what the teacher asks no matter
what.

The desire to Do Right

The authoritarian style of parenting will encourage a child to think about their behavior,
before doing it. This means the child has a desire to do right and will be better at
thinking through their actions before making a choice to do it. This creates a child who
will grow up to be less reactive and more proactive in nature with their choices in life.

Goal Orientated

Since the authoritarian parent has a very rigid set of expectations and rules while raising
their child, the child will grow up to be more goal orientated. They may become laser
focused on success, and productivity which will translate well into the workforce. A child
raised by an authoritarian parent may also prove to be quite a successful business
owner and in turn live a lucrative lifestyle.

There could be a long list of cons for the authoritarian parent, as I said this is the most
controversial style of parenting in our current times. Even though there are many
outsiders who feel this style of parenting is a bit too extreme in our current day, it’s still
heavily used in many households and the children who thrive on this environment turn
out pretty self-sufficient and become quite successful in life and business.

The Pros of Authoritarian Parenting

You will often note a child who's been raised in an authoritarian environment because they
tend to obey teachers and others in society. They will not question authority figures and they will
peacefully do what is expected of them, no matter what.

The Pros and Cons of Permissive Parenting

The Cons of Permissive Parenting

Power Struggle

A permissive parent will deal with power struggles more often than the other parenting
styles. This happens due to the extremely laid back nature of the parents with lack of
expectations and an environment that basically allows the children to run the show.
Children raised in a permissive environment will learn quickly that their parents give in to
their every whim as a means to not upset the child.

Lower Motivation

A child who is raised with the permissive parenting style tends to lack motivation. These
children aren’t given structure, guidance or expectations that are required to build the
motivational part of our human brain. Due to the permissive ways of the parent, a child
may grow up to think that no one really cares about their success or failure so why even
try to become motivated for higher expectations of themselves.
 Clash of Wants and Needs

When a child is brought up in a home with the permissive parenting style, they tend to
neglect the proper skills to understand a want versus a need. Permissive parents will
allow their children to have whatever they want, even if it’s an extravagant item or desire
that doesn’t warrant a necessity in the child’s life. This can harm the child in adulthood
as they will struggle with the balance of learning how to properly assign their wants
versus needs.

The Pros of Permissive Parenting

Relationship is Strong

With a focus on the relationship, meaning the permissive parent is more focused on a
friendship with their child by giving into their every desire, the child raised in this
environment will learn to give to others before themselves. They may form strong
relationships with others, even if unhealthy ones. A child of permissive parents will be
more of a people pleaser in all areas of life.

Minimal Conflict

Even though you may face some power struggles with your child as a permissive parent,
you won’t have many conflicts on a regular basis. Since permissive parents will do
anything to please their child and avoid conflict at all costs, the children tend to have
minimal arguments with the parents. This creates an environment with minimal conflict
and a peaceful setting.

Strong Creative Skills

Children raised by permissive parents tend to have stronger creativity skills. This occurs
because the children have free reign to be free-spirited, do what they want and think for
themselves. Children who are raised to be free thinkers tend to have their creative side
of the brain enhanced and will grow up to have some pretty clever ideas in life and
business.

The list of pros and cons of permissive parenting could go on and become quite
extensive. As with any parenting style, there are positives and negatives. The best way
to know if your child will thrive in a permissive parenting style environment is to watch
how they respond and behave in the day to day life. Your number one job is to raise your
children the best way possible to encourage a healthy adult lifestyle.

Pros And Cons Of Neglectful Parenting

Neglectful parenting shares the negative aspects of both permissive and authoritarian parenting
and none of the aspects of authoritative parenting, that seems to be the most beneficial for
children. I can’t really think of a positive side to it, other than the fact that you keep living your
life like you did before having kids. Only now you actually do have them and the detrimental
effect neglectful parenting has on them is huge. Children of uninvolved parents tend to:

 Have trust issues with their parents and other adults.

 Have low confidence.
 Have issues recognizing and regulating their own feelings.
 Be teenagers with high substance abuse rates and high anxiety.
 Become adults with high substance abuse rates and anxiety.
 Ignore others and have issues building and maintaining relationships.
 Fear becoming dependent on others and/or have abandonment issues.
 How To Move Away From Neglectful Parenting In Daily Life
As mentioned before, neglectful parenting is most of the times either the result of the parents
being raised that way or the result of the parents going through a rough time in life. Adults that
have received adequate love and nurturing as children are usually able to provide the same for
their own kids. Happy parents are more likely to raise happy children. Here are a few ideas to
get you started in becoming more involved in raising your child:

 If you can identify that you were raised in a neglectful manner following a few therapy sessions
might do wonders for you. It will both help you heal any childhood trauma and become a better
parent.
 If you are dealing with mental or emotional health issues or substance abuse, seek immediate
help. There are many organizations that can support you. A parent that is dealing with anxiety,
depression, PTSD, and addictions has no capacity to properly care for their child.
 If you feel that you are being uninvolved because of a temporary struggle in your life – being
unemployed, going through a divorce, facing financial difficulties that cause you stress – ask
your network for support. Your friends and family can probably help you on an emotional or
practical level. This will give you some breathing space and allow you to focus on your child a
bit more.
 If you feel that you were much more involved but can’t seem to bother anymore, consider the
possibility of having a parenting burn-out. Try to carve out some proper me-time every day or
week, instead of stealing time from your children. When you know you can go swimming for half
an hour in the evening or for a coffee with friends on Saturday, it is much easier to really focus
on playing with your little one and being really present. Kids can really sense it when you are
there but wish you were somewhere else.
 Find activities that you enjoy that you could do with your child. Be it walks in nature, crafts or
having a collection of little treasures, it is easier to stay connected with your child when you do
something you both enjoy.