Jump Start

Your
Stress-Free Living
by

Evelyn Roberts Brooks

Author of "Forget Your Troubles: Enjoy Your Life Today"

In the folk-tale "Chicken Little," a nervous chicken is hit on the head by an

acorn ... and she leaps to the conclusion that the sky is falling.

She dashes off to tell the King, and has many adrenaline-pumping adventures
along the way with other fearful animals who take up the cry of alarm, "The
sky is falling!"

Today, it is often a knee-jerk reaction to experience something shocking or

unexpected, and immediately feel that your world is falling down around you.

You see everyone else running around in aimless circles, squawking and
complaining. And so you join in the fray.

Stress relief?
It might seem impossible to imagine feeling any better. When you are burnt
out and unhappy, it can seem overwhelming to know where to start.

But what if you could quickly put an end to your tension and anxiety?

Here are some simple solutions that you can adapt to your life right now, to
help manage emotions and experiences that might seem to be out of control.

The "21 Tips" that follow are divided into three categories: Relationships,
Home & Family, and Work.

Many if not all of the concepts can easily cross the line and be applied to
another area of your life.

My intention is to offer supportive ideas and input that you might not have
considered.

After all, when you've got a lot on your mind, it's hard enough to think straight,
let alone come up with fresh solutions or a new insight.

Let's get the more obvious pointers out of the way now, and then move on to
powerful tips for stress relief:

T DO eat right, get plenty of exercise and proper rest, and drink
water so your body and brain stay hydrated.

T DO get professional help if your stress is so severe that you feel

depressed and helpless.

X DON'T rely on alcohol and drugs to calm your anxiety.

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by Evelyn Roberts Brooks
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 If you are in a rush and want to try just one new thing,
the first change to make in your daily life is to
stop thinking so much!

Stop projecting disaster and anticipating

the worst outcome.

Your thoughts drive your stress... but they can drive you straight off the cliff
if you don't grab the wheel and take charge of the direction you're headed.

Train your mind to stop worrying and dramatizing your life, and you will be
able to feel more relaxed.

Relationships

Since so many people are stressed by problematic love relationships, this

category is at the top of the list.

When your main relationship is going smoothly and happily, you enjoy a
sense of mastery in life.

But when the "stuff" hits the fan, you may feel like everything else in your life
is a nasty mess, too. And you may take out your stress on your partner.

Usually your love relationship is closely tied to how you feel about yourself.

As long as the relationship is strong and congenial, your center core feels

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healthy and strong, too.

But if the relationship is beset with problems, if there are frequent fights or a
widening emotional gap between you and your partner, then the uncertainty
about the future of the relationship can make you feel off-balance and
stressed all the time.

If there are old patterns of unhealthy behavior that sabotage your connection
– such as codependency, abuse or addictions – please consider getting help
from a qualified counselor or therapist.

A few sessions with a third party will help you see what choices and changes
you need to make, to climb out of the rut you are in.

Many times, all that's needed in an otherwise healthy relationship is a jump-

start to get you back on track with the things you enjoy doing together.

Ì Revitalize your love connection. One of the biggest complaints people

have after the initial thrill and excitement of "falling in love" wears off is
that their partner takes them for granted.

Ì Notice the things your mate does, and compliment him or her.

Ì Say "thank you" at least once a day for the little favors that you've
probably overlooked lately.

Ì Appreciate what your partner brings to your life that would be missing
if they were suddenly gone.

Ì Use hugs, touches and "I love you" endearments to remind both of you
why you decided to share your lives in the first place.

Ì Stop talking about endless problems. If every conversation revolves

around discussing bills, repairs, health issues and other problems, the
relationship is drowning under a tsunami wave and won't survive much

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 longer.

Ì Bring in a breath of healthy, fresh air by talking about things you've

always enjoyed together, such as the arts and entertainment, sports or
hobbies.

Ì Start off your conversations with "I feel..." instead of "You should..." or
"I think..."

Ì Share what is going on in your heart, instead of just the surface details
of the daily grind.

Ì Quit making it a contest between you. Make a decision to agree that

both of you work hard, both of you have a lot on your mind, and both of
you are stressed!

Ì Let go of that secret desire to be the one who has worse problems or
does more work each day.

Ì Value the contributions that both of you make, and give up the idea of
weighing and measuring every little thing to prove one of you is
superior.

Ì When you aim for a "better than" kind of title, it means by definition that
the other person is "inferior." That attitude (or "labeling" as I call it in my
book, "Forget Your Troubles") leads to resentments, grudges and hurt
feelings.

Ì Love can't flourish in an atmosphere of one-upmanship.

Ì Create a weekly "Date Night." When you were first together and in the
"falling in love" stage, you probably had a certain night of the week for
dressing up (even if it only meant clean jeans and a nicer T-shirt) and
doing something special together. Revitalize that practice, and do
things together again that are just for FUN! Maybe you enjoy going out

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 to the movies or dinner and dancing. Pick a night, and stick to it. Write
it on the kitchen calendar. Put out a reminder note: "Tonight is Date
Night!"

Ì When you reserve "a night out" only for the few special occasions
during the year such as a friend's birthday bash or a family member's
wedding, then you set up your mind to see dating as 1) something in the
past meant for people who are newly in love, and 2) something that only
happens at random, according to whether you've received an invitation
from somebody else.

Ì Whether it's watching a movie together, going bowling or out for a walk,
find ways to share time with your honey. A museum. A local hike. A new
café you've wanted to try. Not just the tired hours at the end of a long
day, but an hour or more when you have energy to do a project or go
some place enjoyable together.

Ì Drop all grudges – once and for all!

Ì If you spend a lot of time on bickering and nagging and griping – cut it
out... NOW!

Ì Abandon all the defenses and arguments to prove you are right and
they are wrong.

Ì Be aware of negative energy – it will suck the joy out of your

relationship so fast you won't even realize what happened.

Ì Got a grudge? Too bad. They probably have a long list of their own
against you. So the advice for both of you is: Get over it.

Ì If you have an argument, be willing to set things right again. Talk it

through, make amends for the harm done, promise to do better from
now on, and move on with a clean slate between you.

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Ì Learn how to say "I'm sorry." And mean it!

Ì Own your part in it, as I explain in "Forget Your Troubles."

Ì Get in the habit of being accountable for your own behavior. When you
do this, you not only stop feeling like the perennial scapegoat for every
problem, but you also stand taller, and feel like an adult.

Ì Saying “I apologize for my part in this” gets easier with practice, and you
will find that it's a magical elixir that soothes wounds in the relationship
and helps you move forward in a healthier way.

Ì Meditate, relax and pray together.

Ì Create a firm spiritual connection with each other, so that you can
withstand everything else in life that threatens to tear you apart.

Ì Make a point of connecting with the person you love on more than just
the obvious level of daily struggles.

Ì If you feel awkward about initiating a formal prayer, then simply hold
hands and enjoy a quiet time together while looking at the evening sky.

Ì Communication by touch is very powerful, so don't feel that you need to

talk all the time. Just smile, and snuggle closer.

Ì Be kind to each other.

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by Evelyn Roberts Brooks
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 Home & Family

Some spiritual teachers state that we actually choose our families before we
are born – we select individuals who will help us learn valuable lessons
needed for our growth and advancement.

Perhaps you feel that your house has become Grand Central Station, with
people coming and going at all hours depending on their busy schedules.

Everyone has a separate life and merely sleeps under the same roof. When
that happens, the family is so dis-connected that you aren't even giving each
other the loving support a strong family can provide.

In times of stress, many of us withdraw into our own bubble with our worries,
urgent tasks and "busy-ness," and it can be easy to overlook the emotional
needs the family must have to thrive.

If you've gotten off-track with family members, whether you share the same
domicile or not, it truly is possible – and rewarding – to revitalize failing
relationships and enjoy the benefits of a closer family.

„ Do you have a lot of strife and disagreement in your home? Maybe it's
time to put the "fun" in dysfunction! Okay, that's a sick joke, but if you
don't have a storybook-perfect family, then work with the one you've got
and make the best of it.

„ If you spend a lot of time stressing over what others are doing, follow a
tip from codependency experts -- set down the magnifying glass and
pick up the mirror instead.

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„ It's always much easier to focus blame and attention on "them" and
notice every little thing they do that is annoying or just plain wrong,
while you avoid looking at yourself with an objective eye.

„ It's amazing how much more peaceful you will feel if you put the
attention on what you are doing and strive to live a more genuine life
while forgiving others for their mistakes and stumbles.

„ Accept each person for exactly who they are today, and teach them by
your example to accept (and respect) you as well as each other.
„ It might take some hard searching, but find things that you have in
common besides a shared family tree.

„ If you feel a lot of distance between members of your family, don't make
yourself sick trying to force reconciliations.

„ Make healthier choices about interacting with close and distant family
members. Seek out ways to spend enjoyable times together, such as
meeting to go to an art exhibit. Or go to the mall food court then window
shop for an hour or so.

„ Don't expect the stress of strained relationships to vanish overnight, but

when you avoid adding more fuel to the problem, you will find the
uncomfortable feelings become more manageable.

„ An entire chapter in my book "Forget Your Troubles" is devoted to

finding your part in things – learn to recognize the part you play in each
relationship in your life, and make sure that your own words and actions
are contributing to growth instead of negativity.

„ Make thanks-giving a part of every day. Why limit your gratitude to one
special day a year? Let people you share your life with know how much
they mean to you, right now, and every day. You never know what lies
ahead – and "I wish I had said I love you" is a sad regret.

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„ An easy way to make gratitude a new habit in your family is to put a
paper or poster board on the fridge or kitchen wall with a pencil. Invite
everyone -- family and guests – to write personal comments of
appreciation and gratefulness. Or send out an email round-robin and
invite others to add to it and reply to the whole group.

„ Shift your perspective to notice all the good in others. Your stress about
their "negative" behavior will start fading away.

„ Have monthly or weekly family meetings. Set aside a half hour for
everyone to catch up on what each person is up to lately. This isn't a
time to nag about chores or scold about homework. Use it to build the
connection you have together.

„ Keep the atmosphere safe and the dialogue open so that no one is
afraid to share out of fear that they'll be blasted with criticism or
derision.

„ Make a rule that this special "status update" time belongs to each
member of the family to speak from the heart about their lives, hopes
and dreams.

„ Take the time to really get to know each other – you might be surprised
to find you actually like members of your family that you've merely
tolerated until now because you did not see them as a fully developed
person.

„ Put up a Suggestion Box or List – invite everyone to add their ideas for
activities to do together, day trips and places to go. How often do you
read in the paper or hear on the news about a festival this coming
weekend, and think that would be fun to go to, but then no one does
anything about it?

„ It takes effort to coordinate family time with everyone's agenda, but it

can be done.

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„ Promise yourself to find a minimum of fifteen minutes daily to spend on
an activity with family members that is not result-oriented, but is just for
fun and relaxation.

„ Take a walk or watch an old Charlie Chaplin movie and laugh together.

„ If you are an empty-nester or members of the family are away, chat on

the phone or send an email.

„ Remember, you cannot enjoy the benefits of a loving family by chance.

You must make the effort to keep the connections warm and loving.

„ Shift the focus from "individuals who happen to live together" to "we are
a loving family."

„ Create a family page on a social network such as Facebook. Post

photos, open the lines of communication and keep in touch on a regular
basis, whether you are in the same house or miles apart.

„ Create an "Old-fashioned Family Night" now and then. Dust off the
board games, get out the playing cards or Bingo, and make some
popcorn. Put aside your phones, computers and video games for at
least an hour. Do a puzzle together or play a game.

„ If you share a hobby interest, then do a craft together such as making

holiday ornaments. Create a family photo album or a scrapbook to
preserve vacation mementos.

„ During family get-togethers, keep the atmosphere light and cheerful –

no arguing or complaining allowed!

„ Laugh. In times of stress, many people forget that a good sense of

humor starts with laughing at yourself and how seriously you take your
own problems.

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„ Zip your lip. Stop saying everything you think of! Impulse control is
something that so many people lack, and yet it's only a matter of
becoming aware of yourself and practicing the time-honored discipline
of "think before you speak."

„ Many hurt feelings and strained relationships are caused by people

blurting out whatever is on their mind, without considering how offensive
and hurtful the comment is to the other person.

„ If your feelings are hurt time and again by things other people do or say,
you might wish to examine why you are taking everything so personally.

„ Learn to shrug it off, or to say (calmly) to the person: "Why would you
say something like that? Did you mean to hurt my feelings?"

„ Hurt feelings are often the result of poor communication, but if each of
you carries on without clearing the air, the relationship will fail to
flourish.

„ Create enjoyable times with your family – laughter and smiles are the
best cement for binding hearts together.

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 Work

For years, we've heard stern warnings to treat yourself right because you
spend one-third of your life doing it... but they're not talking about work,
they're talking about sleep, and they're selling mattresses!

Put at least as much thought into the details of "work life" as you do sleep,
since it is such a significant portion of your day.

Whether you work outside the home or not, you can find relief for your stress
and tension in creative ways. If you are a homemaker, you can apply these
strategies to your day, too.

˜ Do work that satisfies you. If you're unhappy at your job, take some time
to examine the situation from a new angle. Stop griping for a moment
about the details – such as your coworkers, the tasks you have to
perform and so on – and look at the work itself.

˜ Can you find a way to take enjoyment and satisfaction from a job well
done?

˜ Are you doing something that provides a service or a needed product

that helps others?

˜ Before you rush to find another job, or simply stay where you are while
nurturing a sour outlook, find the good things about the work you have
in front of you.

˜ Take pleasure from doing your tasks and being a living part of this

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 world.

˜ Claim a sensation of gratitude that you were hired and are getting paid,
or that you have this work you can contribute to the well-being of others.
So many people don't have that security in their lives, and would gladly
trade places with you.

˜ Be a team player. Even if you are the "boss," be part of the team, no
matter what your title and job description are.

˜ In some organizations the concept is built into the hierarchy structure

of the business, but a chart on a paper in a three-ring binder doesn't
mean everyone puts the ideal into practice. Bring it up at the next staff
meeting, and make an effort to initiate change. You’ll be glad you
became an active participant instead of a complainer on the sidelines.

˜ Approach your job with the intention of helping the company to succeed
and meet its goals.

˜ In my book "Forget Your Troubles" I give you specific tips on how to

handle the coworker who always wants your help meeting their
deadlines, but never reciprocates.

˜ Being a team player also means learning how to protect yourself so that
you have time to accomplish your own work on time. Sometimes that
means having to say "no" and stick to it.

˜ Get organized. If your desk or work area is a cluttered mess, if you have
to shuffle through stacks of papers to try to find the one invoice or letter
you need urgently, don't simply shrug helplessly and feel you don't have
time to catch up.

˜ Devote just fifteen minutes a day to organizing a few files or one section
of your workspace at a time. Little by little you will establish order.

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˜ Maintain a reasonable level of neatness by doing daily "housekeeping."

˜ Make it a habit to put away your work at the end of the day instead of
leaving it scattered about. It's not just a matter of looking better, but of
making you more efficient and less stressed.

˜ It's easier on your nerves when you need to find something and you can
readily put your hands on it, than to be on the phone with your
supervisor or an important caller, desperately trying to stall for time
while you shuffle papers (or worse, they are standing right there,
watching your frantic search).

˜ Be productive, not just "busy."

˜ Remember that a portion of the company's income goes toward paying

your salary or wages, and be sure that you are an active participant in
your job.

˜ It is actually less stressful to spend the day engaged in your work and
accomplishing something useful than it is to goof off, do just enough
low-level busy work to keep coworkers from reporting you, watch the
clock, groan about how slowly the day is going and complain about why
you have to do these particular tasks.

˜ Don't believe it? Give it a test run for a week: be productive.

˜ What animal type are you at work?

˜ Turtles plod along, exasperating others with their slowness – you are
probably stressed and annoyed by the turtles in your office or workplace
but might not recognize it if you are one.

˜ If that description fits, though, realize that procrastination and fear of

doing the job wrong can be just two reasons for moving so slowly.

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˜ Take a look at ways you can work more efficiently and get the job done,
even if it has to be a no-frills approach.

˜ Donkeys are the joy of upper management because they silently take
on more and more work without complaining. The problem is that if you
are the donkey, you are probably stressed to the max with your load!

˜ Sit down and make a list of all of your responsibilities, along with a
reasonable time line for each major task.

˜ Go to your supervisor and make sure they are aware of all the work you
have on your plate.

˜ Ask for help with it, or at the very least, let people know that you have
an excess and can't meet all the deadlines so they need to pick what is
most important for you to work on at this time.

˜ A further note for donkeys -- be careful taking on extra work with the
thought that "someone" will notice and reward you for your diligence
with a promotion or pay raise.

˜ More likely, you will just be given even more work because you've
shown that you can handle any amount that's dumped on you.

˜ Ostriches in the workplace trot around taking care of their work, but the
moment a crisis pops up, they go into hiding and wait until the all-clear
before they reappear.

˜ Monkeys love to do a bit of work here and another bit there, but mostly
they chatter, visit and get everyone on board to go out to lunch or for a
beer after work.

˜ It can be stressful if your coworkers tend to be monkeys while you are

the donkey making up for the work they did not do.

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˜ If you don't like the animal personality that you seem to be portraying at
work... try being a lion, instead.

˜ Lions get their job done without a lot of drama. They know how to
protect their needs and speak up when there's a problem that needs to
be addressed. They are authentic, and a pleasure to work with. They
are also a lot less stressed!

˜ Avoid gossip – it's poison. If you've gotten into a habit of gossiping with
one or more coworkers about other people in the office or workplace,
you may feel it's a harmless way to pass the time and keep up with the
latest personal news.

˜ Gossip does not give the full story. It's the sensational tidbits, and often
those are exaggerated for effect. Reputations are destroyed by gossip.

˜ The stress that gossip produces adds toxins to the workplace, and lays
the groundwork for people to snipe at each other and treat each other
with disrespect.

˜ When you have a crisis in your life and wish for someone to confide in,
if you've been participating in gossip against others, you'll probably think
twice before speaking about your own problems, knowing that only the
exciting part will be heard, and then spread around maliciously.

˜ Tell your coworkers that you'd rather not gossip or talk with disrespect
about other people's private business.

˜ Help establish a more harmonious place to work, where you can have
real friendships based on mutual caring and warm support.

˜ Seek balance in your life. Useful work allows us to feel productive and
satisfied at the end of the day.

˜ If all you have is work, work, work, then your life is lopsided.

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˜ Be sure to build time in your agenda for leisure with friends, quiet time
alone to reflect on your life, and physical exercise or sports.

˜ When you lead a workaholic's existence, the symphony your life could
be turns into one flat note.

˜ It may seem fulfilling on the outside to have a calendar filled with

meetings and appointments, but most people agree that a rich and
satisfying life comes from being well-rounded in the areas of work,
hobbies, family, friends and a significant relationship.

˜ Everybody needs money, to take care of the basics (food, clothing and
shelter), to be able to enjoy life, and to put aside a prudent reserve for
emergencies and retirement.

˜ Create financial goals that make sense for the lifestyle you desire. Then
plan your strategy to attain your goal, but remember to enjoy the journey
along the way!

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And, lastly, in all areas of your life:

Don't just see... observe.

Don't just hear... listen.

Don't just react... calm down, gather the facts, think, then respond.

Take an approach to life where you remain centered, confident and mindful
of your daily actions and words -- and how they affect not only the people
around you but you yourself, inside.

Chicken Little could have avoided a lot of stress and strife in her life if she'd
only stopped, looked around, and assessed the situation.

She'd have discovered the acorn and the tree it fell from.

Then she'd realize the sky wasn't falling... and she could get on with her life,
knowing she had the necessary skills to handle whatever was in front of her
each day.

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The principles you have just learned are explained in greater detail – along
with a lot of other powerful formulas for stress relief and how to lead a happy
and contented life – in my book "Forget Your Troubles."

It's available at www.amazon.com and other retailers. For instant access,

purchase the e-book at a reduced price at www.GetHappyToday.com.

Learn the S.M.A.R.T. formula for stress-free living:

# Manage your anxiety

# Stop panic attacks

# Brand yourself with an amazing definition

# Transform fear into hope

# Have a great life-- with work, family and friends!

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