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PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 1

CHAPTER 1

The Problem and Review of Related Literature

Death is considered to be common yet constantly a complex life event. The Philippine

Statistics Authority in 2016 stated that the death rate of Filipinos in the Philippines reached

582, 183, and had increased since 2006. In 2000, the ratio of widowed were one widower out

of three widows. The Philippine marital status of population (2000) stated that over 75.7

percent became widowed mothers while 24.3 percent for the widowed fathers. The grief

process is characterized by a deep sadness, anxiety, depressed mood, loneliness, physical

health impairments, as well as social and interpersonal difficulties. Widowhood is an ongoing

and long-term state. Widowed and divorced/separated women constitute significant

proportion of a nation’s population (UN Division for the Advancement of Women, 2000).

When the United Nations in 2011 designated June 23 as International Widows’ Day,

the official explanation was sorrowful: that in many cultures widows are vulnerable—to

abusive traditions, to poverty, to the aftermath of the wars that killed their husbands—that

widowhood itself must be regarded as a potential human rights calamity (Hope For Widows

Organization, 2017).

Widowhood comes with financial, family, administrative, identity, and practical

difficulties. Many studies revealed that depressive feelings arise with widowed people.

Widows and widowers, when compared to their still-married counterparts, more commonly

experience periods of diminished means associated with wellbeing (Dunn, 2015). A widow

is defined as a woman whose spouse has died (Ogweno, 2010). The researchers of this study

are interested in this topic because they have widowed relatives. The researchers wish to

explore more about the experiences of being a widow.


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In many developing countries, the accurate numbers of widows, their ages, and other

social and economic aspects of their lives are unknown (Busari and Folaranmi, 2014).

Almost worldwide, widows consist a significant proportion of all women, ranging from 7

percent to 16 percent of all adult women (UN Division for the Advancement of Women,

2000). However, the ratio in some countries and regions is far higher. Moreover, widowhood

is mostly experienced by elder women in developed countries, while it affects the younger

women that are still rearing children in developing countries. On the other hand, girls become

widows before reaching adulthood in some regions (Sandys, 2001).

Health is the state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not the

absence of disease, on ailment (World Health Organization, 2014). As defined by WHO,

being healthy is having a positive mental, physical and social well-being. An important

component in human life is psychological well-being (Ryff, 1989). It also refers to

individuals who are mentally healthy and can maintain peaceful relationships with others,

can contribute to the society and be involved in community activities. The researchers are

interested to know the impact of spousal loss in their psychological well-being and parent-

child relationship.

Spousal loss is generally painful and linked with loneliness and longing –

nevertheless fundamental to the processes of grief and coping. On the one hand, grief may

interfere with the bonds of the past relationship that have been disengaged and the widow

may spent a big deal of energy in denying the changes associated with moving forward. Grief

researchers have found that older widows and widowers and those who anticipated the loss of

their spouse commonly return to pre-loss levels of depression and affective well-being by the

second anniversary of their spouse’s death (Sasson & Umberson, 2014). Losing a partner in
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 3

life may bring grief and may affect both of the remaining parent and the child’s way of

living. And the researchers are eager to know the coping of the widowed mothers when they

lost their spouse.

Defining Parent-Child Relationship, it is the unique and continuing bond between the

caregiver and child (David & Keren, 2017). Dawson & Ashman (2000) stated that positive

parent-child relationship gives the foundation for the children’s learning and with the

sensitivity, accepting and pampering of the parents helps their children in developing skills

they need to excel in life. According to Utz, et al. (2006), it is shown that in the period of

widowhood, bereaved parents are most likely to rely on their adult children Research also

suggests that close social relationships are characterized by both positive and negative

interactions and that these two aspects of social relationship have a unique influence on one’s

well-being (Lincoln, Chatters, & Taylor, 2003). The responsibilities of unexpected widowed

mother’s become significantly greater (Heineman, 1982) that it can seriously affect their

psychological well-being. Thus the overall purpose of the present study is to look into the

psychological well-being of widowed mothers, coping and their relationship with their child

after experiencing the loss of a spouse.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 4

Review of Related Literature

Family. A family may influence a person’s behavior either negatively or positively

both at childhood and adulthood. Moreover, families have an utmost importance for the

development of children and their well-being in many ways. The family is the first one to

socialize with when the child comes. It also has a large impact on the child’s physical, mental

and moral development (Weldegabreal, 2014).

Cultures expect families to be emotionally supportive to grieving widows (de Vries,

Utz, Caserta, and Lund, 2014). Study done by de Vries, Utz, Caserta, and Lund (2014) with

328 widowed men and women aged 50 and older as their respondents stated that higher

satisfaction with family relationships connects with lower scores on the negative affective

responses to the loss.

Among Filipinos, family is the source of identity, support, and focus of one’s greatest

duty. It is personal rather than systematic relationships that guides the behavior of many

Filipinos wherein it causes them at times to override the rules of society in favor of their

family (Roseberry-McKibbin, 2012). Moreover, Filipino women have more level than

women in other countries of the world and mothers often have the control of the finances and

mostly work outside the home (Chan (1992) as cited in Roseberry-McKibbin, 2012).

Widow. The most unpromising loss a human being can have is death and the most

dangerous loss is that of a loved one (Akinlabi, 2013). Whenever someone loses his or her

spouse, he or she is in a constant or a steady state of grief and bereavement (Akinlabi, 2013).

The death of a family member comes as a shock and creates chaos in the lives of surviving

family members (Jones, 2016). Likewise, the death of a spouse is a moment of distress and

sadness due to loss of love, care, company and livelihood, attended by a feeling of
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abandonment (Gunga, 2009). The impact of widowhood is far reaching: “The loss of a

spouse affects almost each domain of life, and as an outcome, it has a different impact on

wellbeing: psychological, social, physical, practical and economic” (Bennett & Soulsby,

2012).

Widowhood is a state of losing a spouse through death (Mburugu, Nyaga,

Chepchieng, and Ngari, 2015). Widowhood is considered to have a major adjustment in a

women’s role in society and family (Busari & Fasoranti, 2014). Widowhood also relates to a

long-term state wherein a spousal death has occurred. It is determined that a continuous

marital and prolonged state has and personal implications and consequences for the widow or

widower affected by the death (Martin-Hodgins and Maynooth, 2014). The severe reaction

to the death of someone to which grief and angry expressions are formed is related to

widowhood (Busari & Fasoranti, 2014).

Being a widow refers to a woman whose spouse has died (Ogweno, 2010). Bennett

(as cited in Carr, 2009) stated that a widowed person still sees herself or himself as a wife or

a husband maintaining a bond with the deceased. It is stated that women are more affected at

a younger age and for longer time periods than men (Federal Interagency Forum on Aging-

Related Statistics, 2012). Women are also more likely to have bigger and more active social

networks than men, both prior to and following widowhood (Brite, 2008). Many studies also

suggested that support coming from friends would be more important than support received

from children or other family members. This may be because friends are chosen, unlike

family, and therefore friends choose to give support in tough times. The bereaved may feel

like support from family comes out of obligation, not choice (Brite, 2008) because social

contact and emotional support from others are positively related to psychological well-being.
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Another research stated that women often play a significant role in providing

emotional support and enhancing social interaction after spousal loss; men may temporarily

face problems obtaining such support from their family or resuming social interaction on

their own (Marmot and Wilkinson, 2006).

There are many studies that emphasize both physical and psychological consequences

of widowhood, and it is described as one of the most stressful periods in life (Ozdamar and

Giovanis, 2016). More specifically, widowed people face financial, family, administrative,

and practical difficulties as well as shifts in their identity. A study conducted by Lowe &

McClement (2011) suggests that widowed women’s concerns were increased responsibilities

of taking care of the household, working, and being a mother. The study along with Haase

& Johnson (2012) also indicates that widows struggle to articulate their new roles. Single

mothers experience lack of identity and loneliness following a divorce or widowhood

(Kotwal & Prabhakar, 2009). Various socio economic, emotional, psychological and cultural

problems are said to make widowhood stressful and traumatic (Busari & Fasoranti, 2014).

Moreover, at a young age, those who lose their spouse becomes emotionally, physically,

mentally and socially isolated whereas they put their best effort in ensuring the number of

responsibilities in caring their children (O’brien, 2007).

Also, widowhood displays a multiple of economic, social and psychological

problems, especially in the first year or so after the death of the spouse (Trivedi, Sareen, &

Dhyani, 2009). Hansson and Stroebe (as cited in Ryckebosch-Dayez, Cord, Taverne, &

Zech, 2016) stated that it is important to understand the daily experiences of widowed people

and identify the coping strategies that reduce the potential negative psychosocial and physical

health consequences of bereavement.


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Rolls & Payne (2007) mentioned that the surviving parent is both grieving and

attempting to maintain the life they had. They found it difficult to carry the additional burden

of responsibility that came with widowhood, and were often overwhelmed by their feelings.

Some parents felt that they are neglecting their children. Bennett (as cited in Carr, 2009)

says that feelings of depression may surface among widowed people for at least 2 years

following their loss, and mood may not return to its pre-widowhood levels. Furthermore, at

younger ages, widowhood is associated with a greater decline in physical and psychological

health (Bennett & Soulsby, 2012). Parents who are grieving the loss of their partners may

not be able to adequately attend to their children’s needs (Kennedy, McIntyre, Worth, &

Hogg, 2008). Fasoranti and Aruna (2007) stated that women experience great disorganization

and trauma that follow the death of a spouse compared to men.

Finance. Financial crises are a standing situation with most of the single parent

families. As mentioned by Brewaeys (2017), the assumption of advancing in a family

without a father-figure is not good for the child and those who have experienced parental

conflict; however, lack of a father does not affect the negative influence on child

development, but depends on the troubled parent-child relationship. Single mothers faced

financial problems where it becomes challenging to meet the basic needs of their children

including food, shelter, school fees, and clothing; they struggle to maintain their previous

standard of living (Kotwal and Prabhakar, 2009).

Old widows are much more likely to be poor unlike married people (Angel, Jiménez,

& Angel, 2007). Furthermore, widowed mothers are also more likely to be poor than men

who have lost a spouse (Lin & Brown, 2012).


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Social Interaction of Widows. Bennett (as cited in Carr, 2009) claimed that there are

social consequences of widowhood for widowed people. Changes in friendships are often

talked about among widowed women. They report losing or being shunned by their married

friends that leads them to turn to other widowed women for companionship. Driscoll and

Pianta (2011) stated that the relationship of the child and the parent shape the child’s

interpersonal relationships. Therefore, children raised by their mothers would have stronger

skills for building relationships.

Bennett (as cited in Carr, 2009) claimed that in the face of social challenges, women

maintain their self-identity as wife, while at the same time incorporating an independent and

self-sufficient self. Widows also experience the loss of self-esteem as women and the fear of

being alone, with that, they likely to withdraw and become passive (Fasoranti et al., 2007).

Both physical and psychological health can be influenced by widowhood and bereavement

and can also affect on older people’s social interactions (Bennett and Soulsby, 2012).

Psychological Well-Being. Psychological well-being pertains to positive mental

health (Edwards, 2005). Also, it is a unification of satisfaction and happiness are used as

synonym for psychological wellbeing and termed as subjective wellbeing (Diener, 1984).

Psychological well-being is about lives going well. Huppert (2009) describe sustainable well-

being as a combination of feeling good and functioning effectively. Experiencing painful

emotions is normal, and managing those negative emotions is important for long-term well-

being.

The Psychological well-being scale of Ryff is a theoretically grounded instrument

that distinctly focuses on measuring multiple aspects of psychological well-being (Seifert,

2005). Moreover, Ryff’s (1989b) research has resulted in a new objective psychological well-
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 9

being measurement being developed (Conway & Macleod, 2002; Keyes et al., 2002; Ruini et

al., 2003; Ryff, 1989b; Ryff & Keyes, 1995), with the following components autonomy,

personal growth, environmental mastery, purpose in life, positive relations with others and

self-acceptance. This scale has been regarded as the best objective measure of positive

mental health (Conway & Macleod, 2002). When unpacked there appears to be a relationship

between Ryff’s psychological well-being components and the psychological skill

components previously outlined, with psychological well-being components seemingly inter-

related with various psychological skills component.

Merrififield and Gamble (2013), stated that the positive relationship maintenance

strategies were associated to higher parenting self-efficacy, while activities that determine

co-parenting strategies were also associated to lower parenting self-efficacy. Agreeableness,

emotional stability, and openness to experience that correspond to personality traits are

linked to interactions in the family that gives warm and supportive relation (Dehaan,

Deković, & Prinzie, 2012). Moreover, extroversion is considered to be more engaged and

active parenting style (Prinzie, Stams, Deković, Reijntjes, & Belsky, 2009). These traits

enhance the parent’s ability to apprehend and react to their child’s different behaviors, which

outgrows positive interactions between the parents and their children. All of these items are

important aspects of parenting because having a predominance of either the positive traits,

such as emotional stability or agreeableness, or the more negative traits, such as neuroticism,

greatly affect parents’ facility in negotiating parenting tasks (Henney, 2016).

Psychological Well-Being of Widows. The death of a parent is considered a traumatic

event that can affect the psychosocial trajectory of the family members and change their

relationship dynamics (Yopp, Park, Edwards, Deal, & Rosenstein, 2015). After the death of a
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loved one, psychological distress is to be expected immediately. Hughes and Waite’s (2009)

research has demonstrated that being a widow may damage health, mental and physically.

Studies by Dyregrov & Dyregrov; Eppler; Gordon & Doka; Groskop (as cited in Martin-

Hodgins & Maynooth, 2014) stated that invariably, widowhood can inflict a high toll on the

emotional, cognitive, social and even physical well-being of the bereaved child.

Moreover, spousal loss affects nearly every field of life, and may have a significant

impact on well-being: psychological, social, physical, practical, and economic (Bennett and

Soulsby, 2012). For that reason, social support may have played a harmful, inconsequential,

or helpful role towards psychological well-being. Ansari (as cited in Batool, & Rubab, 2016)

studied the psychological well-being of widowed persons and found that people after

changed marital status reported lower level of mental wellbeing and higher level of

depression and they were less satisfied with their lives. Socioeconomic status and physical

health influence the negative impact of widowhood on psychological well-being among

elderly people (Momtaz, Ibrahim, Hamid, & Yahaya, 2010). Furthermore, distressing life

events such as chronic illness, calamities, separation, retirements, and widowhood have

negative impact on the psychological well-being of the victims (Batool and Rubab, 2016).

The effects on physical health are less straightforward (Bennett and Soulsby, 2012).

Widowed persons have been found to score lower on measures of psychological well-

being—and higher on measures of depression, loneliness, and anxiety— than married

persons (Aguila, Aquino- Malabanan, & Lopez, 2015).

Parent-Child Relationship. The quality of the relation depends on several aspects

including the expression of affection, communication style, interacting patterns, and the

perception of intimacy. Parent–child relationships have also generally been assumed to be


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vertical. This is because parents have been considered to have greater knowledge and power

than children. Parents and children’s bond of affection and mutual relationship are dynamic

and changes as the children grow and develop. Authoritarian, Permissive, authoritative, and

uninvolved are the different types of parenting styles. The Authoritarian parent are strict in

disciplinary rules and are not afraid to do harsh punishment. Permissive parent are the

opposite of the authoritarian, they are nurturing and loving, often befriending their child.

Authoritative parent are flexible, reasonable and approachable. Parents exert firm control but

not overly restrictive. While uninvolved parent are not demanding or responsive. They are

indifferent, dismissive, or even neglectful to their children (Williams, 2013).

Death in the family will undoubtedly affect the parent-child relationship, especially

when the death is that of a parent (Brite, 2008). In the book of Worden (as cited in DeBruin,

2014), a couple of studies reported that the functioning level of the surviving parent is the

most powerful predictor of how well a child will adjust to the death of their parent. The

death of a parent can mean a big fragment on the parent-child relationship and an important

involvement in the child’s emotional development. It also provides a strong background for

the surviving parent to form the child’s development of strong emotion regulation skills

(Luecken, Kraft, Appelhans, and Enders, 2009). Those children who are closer to their

parents may discern the parents’ needs and competently provide these needs. Withholding

good connection, or affective solidarity increases the child’s encouragement to provide care

(Lin, 2010). Families with better parent– child relationships receive more reinforcement than

those with worse relationships (Fingerman et al., 2011).

Parental widowhood is classified by a sudden duality of experience wherein the

person becomes a widow or widower and a single parent simultaneously (Hodgins and
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Maynooth, 2014). The widowed parents’ capability to attend to the holistic needs of their

mourning children alongside their own social and emotional well-being can be diminished

temporarily while handling with the aftereffect of spousal death (Hodgins and Maynooth,

2014). MacPherson and Emeleus (as cited in McClatchey, 2017) said that children need

support in the form of a consistent relationship and empathy, which may be difficult for a

grieving parent to provide. Children’s emotional development, school performance, and

social growth are affected by the quality of the relational bond between parent and child

(Driscoll & Pianta, 2011). The effects of spousal loss are crucial in determining how the loss

of a father affects the parent-child relationship. The next step in examining how the death of

a husband affects the parent- child relationship is looking at how children are impacted by

loss, and specifically the loss of a father (Brite, 2008).

According to studies by Changing Lives of Older Couples (CLOC) (2002) and Ha &

Ingersoll-Dayton (2008), widowhood correlates with positive changes in parent–child

relations, such as increased exchanges of emotional support and decreased negative

interactions. Birditt, Miller, Fingerman, and Lefkowitz (2009) stated that parent-child

relationships dwells on positive and negative social exchange. Children that are brought up in

an Asian culture stated that their relationship with their mothers are more affectionate and

positive compared to their relationship with their fathers (Park, Vo, and Tsong, 2009).

Given that the parent–child relationship is one of the most enduring relationships of

all, understanding the ways in which changes in relationships with children following spousal

loss influence older adults’ psychological well-being is critical. Attachment theory has

proven the importance of a secure adult attachment for the growth and development of a

child (Czapiewski, 2014). There are findings that support the view of foundations for lifelong
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well-being begin in the early years, or before (HM Government, 2011), and have identified

parent–child relationships as a key part of that foundation. There is also a positive association

of a parent’s involvement and relationship with the child to the child’s growth in self-esteem.

It is evident that the secure attachment to a parent and the continued parent-child relationship

is needed for continued growth and development of a child (Czapiewski, 2014).

Yopp and Rosenstein (2012) reported that bereaved parents have a hard time assisting

their children adapt to the loss of a loved one while at the same time adjusting to their new

role and coping with their own grief. The quality of the surviving parent – child relationship

and the parent’s ability to provide a structured home environment are strong forecaster of the

children’s coping and psychosocial functioning (Haine et al., 2006). Kennedy, McIntyre,

Worth, & Hogg (as cited in McClatchey, 2017) theorizes that the surviving parent’s coping

style influences the bereaved child’s emotional health. Worden (as cited in DeBruin, 2014)

claimed that assisting the surviving parent is significant because children do it as well as their

parent does. Riina and Feinberg (2012) stated that the time parents spent getting involved

with their children has been associated with more successful outcomes. Worden (as cited in

DeBruin, 2014) said that in addition in performing common parenting tasks; young widows

and widowers are also liable for the necessary but stressful task of helping their children

adapt to their loss. Positive parenting is about aiding the social, intellectual, cultural,

emotional, and physical development of children (Deng and Pienaar, 2011).

A study done by Driscoll and Pianta (2011) examines the parents’ self-reported

perceptions of their relationships with their children during the preschool to elementary

school period reported that closeness is experienced more in mothers than fathers at both

times and with both sons and daughters. Furthermore, the study stated lower ratings of
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 14

conflict for both girls and boys between 54 months and first grade. Overall, parents

demonstrate more agreement regarding ratings of conflict than ratings of closeness.

Constructive conflict involves high levels of justification, negotiation, and resolution and is

likely to improve development. While, destructive conflict is generally an indicator of

dysfunctional relationships (Laible & Thompson, 2002). Another important predictive factor

in the parent-child relationship is closeness. Several studies pointed that mothers who

immerse with their children in affectionate and responsive manner have children who are

described as securely attached, socially competent, and successful in school (Fiese, Wilder &

Bickham, 2000). Closeness refers to affection, cohesion, intimacy, and trust (DeLay and

Laursen, 2011).

A study conducted by DeLay and Laursen (2011) that aim to specify the

characteristics and processes of parent–child relationships that maintain family ties amid the

extensive changes of adolescence. They reported that conflict is more recurrent and negative

affect are higher in mother-daughter relationships than in other parent–child relationships. It

is suggested that conflict is inversely related to well-being if the relationship is seen to be

poor, however, conflict may be beneficial for those relationships that are good if it is in

moderate amount. DeLay and Laursen (2011) also mentioned that change in marital status

have a significant impact on the relationship of parent and child in terms of closeness.

Coping. Coping is described as effort to handle internal and environmental demands

with the aim to decrease problems (Manjul and Premi, 2017). The coping may be passive or

active with the loss of a spouse. The grieving individual may simultaneously look back to

what happened or forward to what’s next (Dunn, 2015). Akinlabi (2013) stated that old
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widows with 11 years of marriage cope with bereavement better than widows with less than

10 years of marriage.

People have different ways on how they handle stressful events like death of a loved

one, they either adjust well or fail to manage the problem. This can effect an individual’s

quality of life, and psychological and physical well-being (Knowles and O’Connor, 2015).

Coping mechanisms for the widows are manifestation of deeper conflict. Recognizing their

problem directly may be insufficient or not helpful. Uncovering the deeper cause of the

problems that can lead to the coping mechanism to disappear is the best way to deal with it

(Akinlabi, 2013). Coping mechanisms is considered to be a “survival skill” that people use

in order to manage pain, stress, and changes they experience in their lives (Custodio and Siy,

2017).

A study done by Agustin (n.d.) with 35 older Filipino adults stated that majority of

the participants cope with their frustration by emotion-oriented and avoidance-oriented as

their coping mechanism. In the study of Bahar (2013) (as cited in Bandana and Agarwal),

mentioned that negative coping mechanism are those that are harmful to the individual and

positive coping mechanisms are those that are not harmful. The coping may be passive or

active with the loss of a spouse. The grieving individual may simultaneously look back to

what happened or forward to what’s next (Dunn, 2015). Mainly painful and related with

longing and loneliness, conjugal loss and subsequent adjustments, are still necessary to

coping and the processes of grief (Dunn, 2015).


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 16

Synthesis

Widowhood is a phenomenon experienced worldwide and statistics shows a steady

rise in widows and widowers. Through the years, the interest in these bereaved individuals

have increased resulting in an abundant amount of research about widowhood. However,

here in the Philippines, even though there are a lot of widows and widowers, local studies

about widowhood is limited. The researchers would like to explore the experiences of

widows, in particular, their well-being and parent-child relationship.

Psychological well-being refers to positive mental health (Edwards, 2005) or

satisfaction of an individual with all the elements of his life. The most well-known

instrument for measuring the psychological well-being of an individual is the Ryff Scales of

Psychological Well-Being by Carol Ryff that was developed in 1989. The scale has six

dimensions that measures multiple sides of psychological well-being. Bennett and Soulsby

(2012) indicate that spousal loss affects nearly every aspect of an individual’s life, and

showed an important impact on well-being: psychological, social, physical, practical, and

economic. A study conducted by Fasoranti and Aruna (2007) stated that women experience

great disorganization and trauma that follows the death of a spouse compared to men. This is

one of the reasons why looking at the psychological well-being of the widowed mothers is

really important.

Family has been an important aspect in everyone’s life. Especially looking in the

Filipino culture, family has always been a number one priority. Brite (2008) stated that death

in the family will undoubtedly affect the parent-child relationship, especially when the death

is that of a parent. Parents really do have a great effect on their child; supported by the study

of Driscoll and Pianta (2011) that stated that the relationship of the child and the parent help
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 17

shape the child’s interpersonal relationships. This can mean that the psychological health of

the parent may affect their children’s health. As such, it is important to look at the parent-

child relationship of a widow and her child.

Furthermore, Coping is defined when handling internal and environmental demands

in aiming to lessen problems (Manjul and Premi, 2017). The coping mechanisms of widows

are an embodiment of deeper conflict which understanding their problem directly may be

unsatisfactory (Akinlabi, 2013).

Theoretical Framework

Carol Ryff’s Psychological Well-Being Theory. Carol Ryff (1989) discussed that

well-being is a multidimensional and not all about positive emotions. She views that a good

life is stable and whole, and involving different aspects of well-being rather than having a

restricted focus. Ryff based this principle in Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics that the

purpose of life is not feeling good rather than living it upright. Moreover, Ryff distinguished

six core dimensions which are Autonomy, Personal growth, Environmental mastery, Purpose

in life, Positive relations with others, and Self-acceptance

Autonomy is the regulation of one’s own behavior through an internal locus of

control. A fully-functioning person has a high level of internal evaluation, assessing the self

on personal standards and achievements while not relying on the standards of others.

Personal growth is the ability to develop and expand the self, to become a fully

functioning person, to self-actualize and accomplish goals.

Environmental mastery refers to choosing and controlling the surrounding and

imagined environment through physical and/or mental actions.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 18

Purpose in life refers to the perceived significance of one’s existence and involves the

setting and reaching of goals, which contribute to the appreciation of life.

Having positive relations with others is an essential component in the development of

trusting and lasting relationships as well as belonging to a network of communication and

support.

Self-acceptance is the most recurring aspect of psychological well-being. It also

defines as a central feature of mental health as well as characteristics of self-actualization,

optimal functioning, and maturity.

Attachment Theory. Attachment theory is a psychological, evolutionary, and

ethological theory concerning relationships between individuals. The most important

principle of attachment theory is that a young child needs to form a relationship with at least

one primary caregiver for social and emotional development to occur normally (Bowlby,

1960’s). Furthermore, attachment means an affectional bond or tie between an individual

and an attachment figure. Such bonds may be reciprocal between two adults, but between a

child and a caregiver these bonds are based on the child's need for safety, security and

protection, paramount in infancy and childhood. The theory recommends that children attach

to carers instinctively, for the purpose of survival and, ultimately, genetic replication. The

biological aim is survival and the psychological aim is security. Attachment theory is not an

exhaustive description of human relationships nor is it synonymous with love and affection,

although these may indicate that bonds exist. In child-to-adult relationships, the child's tie is

called the "attachment" and the caregiver's reciprocal equivalent is referred to as the "care-

giving bond". John Bowlby formulated the basic tenets of the theory. He revolutionized the

individual’s thinking about a child’s tie to the mother and its disruption through separation,
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 19

deprivation, and bereavement. Furthermore, the link between relationship closeness and grief

is a central theme of attachment theory (Bowlby, 1980). Attachment theory holds that when a

close emotional bond is severed—whether through death or separation—the grief process

follows (Bowlby, 1980).

The researchers will use the Ryff’s Psychological Well-Being theory where the six

dimensions will provide the basis for the psychological well-being of the designated

individual. For the parent-child relationship, the researchers will utilize the Attachment

theory as it will be able to explain and understand the experiences and connection of the

widowed parent and the child. Moreover, this theory is used by the Child-Parent Relationship

Scale (CPRS) that the researchers will use as guide for their semi-structured interview

questions. Furthermore, there are two subscales under the Child-Parent Relationship Scale

(CPRS) wherein it was supported by the attachment theory which are conflict and

closeness.

Dual Process model of grief. According to Stroebe and Schut (1999), dual process

model proposes adaptive coping is composed of confrontation and evasion of loss and

restoration of stressors. It pleads the need for dosage of grieving and need to take delay from

dealing with these stressors as an integral part of adaptive coping. This is also to describe

ways that people come to terms with a loss of a loved one. This was originally developed to

comprehend coping with the death of a partner and it is potentially applicable to various

types of bereavement. To support to this concept, and empirical research is discussed and the

model’s relevance to the examination of complex gried, analysis of subgroup phenomena,

and as well as the interpersonal coping processes.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 20

Conceptual Framework

Five Filipino Widows

PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING

AUTONOMY
PERSONAL GROWTH COPING
ENVIRONMENTAL MASTERY
PURPOSE IN LIFE
POSITIVE RELATIONS
SELF-ACCEPTANCE
PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP

CONFLICT
CLOSENESS

Figure 1.The figure above represents the goal of this study which will look into the

psychological well-being, parent-child relationship and coping of five Filipino widows

Statement of the Problem

The current study discovered the psychological well-being, the parent-child

relationship and coping of the widows. Specifically, the study will answer the following

questions:

1. What is the case history of the five Filipino widowed mothers?


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 21

2. What is the widow’s psychological well-being according to the six dimensions?

a. Autonomy

b. Personal Growth

c. Environmental Mastery

d. Purpose in Life

e. Positive relations with others

f. Self-acceptance

3. What is the parent-child relationship of the widow with her children in terms of:

a. Conflict

b. Closeness

4. What are the coping of widows?

5. How widows assess their psychological well-being, coping and their parent-child

relationship?

Limitations

The study only focused on the psychological well-being and parent-child relationship

of widows. The research design of the study is a qualitative case study that allowed the

researchers to have an in-depth interview with the respondents. The participants were five

mothers that are living in the Philippines who have been a widow for at least 1 year.

According to ZiSook and Shear (2009), almost all bereaved subjects were able to talk about

their bereaved partner in a calm and compose manner by one year. The participants are

mothers of children ages 3-22.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 22

Significance of the Study

The findings of the study will be beneficial to the following:

Children. This study helps the children of the widows to have more insight on what

their mothers are experiencing and can help them understand more what their mother is going

through. The findings of the study guides the children in giving assistance to their grieving

mother.

Counselors. The research findings provides counselors the basis for proposed

interventions needed by widows. This enlightens the counselors on what are the real needs of

widows who have lost their spouse.

Family members. This study promotes understanding of other family members on

their widowed relative. This also serves as an inspiration for the family members to provide

the support and assistance needed.

Filipino society. The findings of the study creates awareness on the plight of widows

with young children. The community can better understand what widows are experiencing

and pave the way for more harmonious relationships.

Widows. The results of the study can help the widows in being able to understand

their own well-being and be more aware of their relationship with their child. The findings

could provide insights that may be helpful in seeking the needed support.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 23

CHAPTER 2

Methodology

This section discussed about the research design that was used in the study. It

includes the selection of participants of the study and procedures that was used to gather data.

Research Design

In this study, the researchers utilized a case-study research design and a qualitative

approach in measuring the psychological well-being, coping, and parent-child relationship of

the widows. The researchers conducted an in-depth interview with the widows to obtain their

case history, determine their perceived psychological well-being, parent-child relationship

and coping. This allowed the researchers to obtain more in-depth information in the life and

experiences of the Filipino widows.

Participants & Sampling Technique

The study’s participants are five Filipino widowed mothers of children ages 3-22

years old. The respondents was sourced through personal connections. In selecting the

participants, using the following inclusion criteria:

a. The mothers must be a widow for at least 1 year.

b. The widowed mother must reside in the Philippines.

c. The widows must be Filipino.

d. The child or children of the mothers must be between 3-22 years of age.

Purposive sampling was used to obtain the participants in the study. It is a non-

probability sampling method that selects respondents based on the particular purpose of the

research (Black, 2010). Describing the psychological well-being of widows, their

relationship with their dependent children and knowing how they cope is the goal of the
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 24

current study. By using purposive sampling, five Filipino widowed mothers, possibly of

diverse socio-economic status and age will be selected.

Instruments

The researchers made a data sheet in obtaining the specific information of the

respondent they needed for the study. The Ryff’s Scales of Psychological well-being was

administered to identify each of the respondents’ psychological well-being. The researchers

used a semi-structured interview guide questions that is supported by Pianta’s child-parent

relationship scale (CPRS) to determine the parent-child relationship.

Social Case History. The researchers conducted a case history which includes

different information such as their demographic data (name, age, educational attainment,

work history (employed or unemployed), span of marriage, number of children, and years of

being widowed), family history, and personal history.

Ryff’s Psychological Well-Being Scale. The researchers utilized the Ryff’s

Psychological Well-Being Scale which they downloaded it with the authors’ permission.

The sample of the test will be presented due to copyright. The whole test has a total of 84

items but the researchers used the 42 items scales as their instrument and the scale is divided

into six dimensions; Autonomy, the operation of one’s own behavior in believing they have

the control to their life; Personal growth is the ability to grow and elaborate one’s self, to

become a fully functioning person, to self-actualize and accomplish dreams; Environmental

mastery is where one’s self feels capable in meeting the demands of his/her surroundings;

Purpose in life refers to the perceived significance of one’s existence and involves the setting

and reaching of goals, which contribute to the appreciation of life; Having positive relations

with others is an essential component in the development of trusting and lasting


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 25

relationships; Lastly, Self-acceptance is the most recurring aspect of psychological well-

being where it shows characteristics of self-actualization, optimal functioning and maturity.

The respondents answered the Ryff’s scales through a self-report that used a six-point scale

with strongly disagree = 1, somewhat disagree = 2, slightly disagree = 3, slightly agree = 4,

somewhat agree = 5, strongly agree = 6 and the responses that are negatively scored items are

switched in the final scoring methods so that high scores signify high self-ratings on the

dimension imposed. Ryff also stated that there are no specific scores in defining high or low

well-being. Those distinctions can be gathered from systematized information from the data

collected. In instance, to depict high well-being as scores are 1.5 standard deviations which is

above the mean, whereas low well-being scores are 1.5 standard deviations which is below

the mean.

Child-Parent Relationship Scale (CPRS). The researchers used the CPRS to

interview the five Filipino widows regarding their relationship with their children. It is a self-

report instrument designed for mothers or fathers that assesses the perceptions of their

relationship with their son or daughter. Containing a total of 15 items that are rated on a 5-

point Likert scale (1 = definitely does not apply; 5 = definitely applies) and have two

subscales which are: conflict and closeness. The “closeness” sub-scale makes the limit to

which parent feels that the relationship is characterized by warmth, affection, and open

communication while the “conflict” sub-scale measures the point to which parent feels that

his or her relationship with their child which is characterized by negativity (Driscoll and

Pianta, 2011). The Cronbach’s alpha reliability coefficients for Pianta’s scales is α = .808

to .833. According to Pianta (1992), the CPRS is applicable to children ages 3 and 22.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 26

Semi-structured Interview Guide. The researchers conducted and interview with

open ended questions focused on the psychological well-being of widowed mothers, coping

and their relationship with their children. The researchers had the questions validated. The

questions was guided by the related literature and sought to obtain more in-depth

information.

Data Gathering Procedure

In recruiting the participants, the researchers utilized their personal connection, post

on social media sites with the description of the study, and a research study flyer.

Additionally, the researchers passed along the study information to their colleagues, relatives,

and friends who know widows with children of the interested age range.

In the data gathering, the researchers did a social case history interview, the Ryff’s

Psychological Well-Being Scale, Child-Parent Relationship Scale (CPRS) and an interview

guide about the assessment of the Filipino widows. The participants were also given a

consent letter. At the end of the interview, the researchers ensured the participants data that

was collected remained confidential and will only be used for research purposes. The

researchers thanked and debriefed the participants and they gave their token of appreciation.

Data Analysis

The Ryff’s psychological well-being scale will be scored based on the instrument and

the profile of each respondent consisting of their personal information. The outcome of the

tests will be analyzed with the results of the interview done by the researchers to have a

detailed profile. Furthermore, the researchers will be making an individual case study for

each respondent to further discuss the information about them and findings in the

instruments.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 27

Moreover, the individual case studies of the respondents subjected to a cross-case

analysis to obtain insights on the common and different experiences of widows. Cross-case

analysis will include factors of personal information, parent-child relationship, psychological

well-being and coping of the Filipino widows. This will also enable the researchers’

capability to understand the relationship of widows to their children, their psychological

well-being and how they cope when their spouse died and be able to connect it from the

different cases that the researchers had found. This will also provide a chance to the

researchers to learn and gather information from different case studies.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 28

CHAPTER 3

Results

This section presents the findings on the psychological well-being, parent-child

relationship and coping of the Filipino widowed mothers. The researchers used four

instruments: social case history, Ryff’s psychological well-being scale, child-parent

relationship scale and a semi-structured interview guide to gather the qualitative and

quantitative data to obtain in-depth study of the widows.

Case #1: Monday

I. Demographic Data

Age: 50

Gender: F

Educational attainment: College

Work history: Unemployed

Work status: N/A

Number of years married: 18 years (1995)

Number of children: 1

Years of being widowed: 5 years (2013)

II. Personal and Family History during Widowhood

Monday shared that her relationship with her child is good despite her child

having had a closer relationship with her husband. Her most memorable event with her

child was when they celebrated his birthday recently and ate out. Monday did not

experience any difficulties when her spouse passed away. Her only concern was that

her son stopped attending church events. He became her source of support after the
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 29

loss,“Siya uhm ang ano niya sinasabi niya sakin kasi minsan nakikita niya ako parang

tinitignan ko yung picture, nakatunganga akong ganun yung mga uh 1st yr 2nd yr uh

sinasabi niya sa akin, ma uh paglabanan mo yan hindi pwede laging ganyan ang ano

iisipin mo kasi kahit even ako namimiss ko rin si papa.” (He tells me when he sees me

looking at the photo staring blankly, during the 1st yr 2nd yr he will tell me, mom you

need to fight, you cannot always think like that, even I miss dad).

With regards to discipline, Monday relayed that she did not have to do much because

her son is very disciplined. He does not have any vices which results in her being more

lenient.

Monday shared that her relatives were emotionally supportive. They constantly

check on her to make sure she is okay and make sure to have bonding time even if they live

far away. However, due to concerns regarding inheritance, her relationship with her in-laws

is not the same. Monday has many opportunities for bonding with her cousins. They are also

very supportive of her. The day her husband died she said, “nung gabi nagpunta sila sa

bahay uh apat sila kasi nga syempre merong mga chismis na parang may utang pa raw ako

na ganto ganyan so concern sila sabi nila bakit ganun nagkautang ka pa sakanila so na

solve naman yung problem na may utang uhh naayos din naman siya pero nakita ko yung

concern nila pumunta sila sa bahay na hindi ko naman sila pinapapunta para lang ano ba

yun sabi niya ganto ganyan yun yung parang best na para sakin.” (They went to my house,

there were four of them, because there was gossip that somehow I had a debt something like

that so they were concerned, they said why is it like that, you have a debt. Eventually the

problem was solved with the debt, I saw their concern, and they went to my house even
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 30

though I did not ask them to go just for something like that… I think that was the best so

far).

Monday shared that they still celebrate special occasions such as wedding

anniversaries, death anniversary of her husband and his birthday. She admits to experiencing

some awkward moments because her relatives tease her about why she still cries but she

remains in good terms with them. She looks forward to activities with her family, such as

reunions and Christmas Eve celebrations. These get togethers are helpful because they are

reminders that people are still with her. Some difficult adjustments include not having

someone to pray with or have coffee with in the morning. She sometimes wishes to

discontinue these habits because they make her miss her husband more.

Monday is in good health and has not had any serious illness. After the death of her

husband, she became more motivated to be healthy — she went back to playing her sport,

following diet plans and drinking vitamins because she said that “ako na lang yung natitirang

magulang ng anak ko so kailangan ayusin ko yung sarili ko ganun.” (I am the only parent of

my son so I need to take care of myself.) She deals with stress by praying to the Lord in the

morning in order to maintain an uplifting experience throughout the day.

III. Relationship with Friends and Colleagues

Monday has a satisfactory relationship with her friends, and according to her,

nothing changed. They often go out on Sundays to attend church and engage in sports. Her

memorable experiences with friends include celebrating anniversaries in church, birthdays

and girls’ night out. For Monday, her friends were a strong source of support when her

husband passed away.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 31

Monday said that when she remembers her husband, she distracts herself by cleaning the

house and this somehow helps her deal with the pain, even though she sees photos of him.

Monday believes that sharing her feelings with friends has proven to be helpful. Monday said

her biggest support were, “Syempre yung anak, syempre of course unang una si Lord diba

nandiyan siya eh sisihin mo ba siya sa nangyari sayo so may reason siya bakit nawala nang

una yung husband ko diba…” (Of course my son and of course God is number one right? He

was there, I cannot blame Him for what happened to me, there is a reason why my husband

had gone first right). Her son was a strong source of support especially when he reassured

her that everything will be okay.

IV. Psychological Well-Being

Despite having questions about what happened, Monday rates her present quality of

life an 8 out of 10. She said that while praying, she came to realize why it happened and she

does not blame the Lord. Through prayers, she had a revelation about things. She also said

that her life changed after the loss of her husband. She believes that her mental health is okay

and can discern what is right from wrong. Monday shared that she and her husband had a lot

of plans together, and although she lost him, she still strives to continue those plans. She

describes her life as happy although there is something missing. “Masaya kaso may kulang

diba- paano ba yun may part na empty kahit anong sabi mo kahit family kami nang anak ko

hindi mo parin matuturing na ano kasi kulang eh mother and father and children diba

parang may kulang parin siya. Masaya kaso nga lang may part na kulang.” (Happy, but

something is still missing right? It is like there is an empty part, even if you say you and your

son are family you will not be able to treat it as such because there is something that lacks

mother and father and children. Happy but there is a part that is missing).
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 32

Table 1 shows the results of Monday’s psychological well-being. In Autonomy,

Monday obtained a low score which shows that she is concerned about the expectations and

evaluations of others. A high score in Environmental Mastery reveals her ability to choose or

create contexts suitable to personal needs and values. In Personal Growth, Monday also

obtained a high score which means she has the drive eto continuously develop her inner self

and is open to new experiences. Her low score on Positive Relations with Others denotes that

she finds it difficult to be close with others. A high score in Purpose in Life implies that

Monday has goals in life, a sense of directedness and holds a belief that gives life purpose.

Self-Acceptance revealed a low score which means that Monday may feel disappointed with

what occurred in the past, most likely in relation to the death of her husband.

Table 1

Monday’s score in the Ryff’s Scales of Psychological Well-Being

Psychological Well-being M SD Interpretation

Autonomy 4.86 1.35 Low

Environmental Mastery 5.14 1.86 High

Personal Growth 5.29 1.89 High

Positive Relations with Others 5.71 0.49 Low

Purpose in life 4 2.52 High

Self-Acceptance 5.14 1.07 Low

Overall Psychological Well-being 5.02 1.53 High

V. Parent-Child Relationship

Monday shared that she cannot say what her shortcomings are as a parent. She is not

an authoritative parent because her son is already diligent. She believes that there is nothing
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 33

that needs improvement with her relationship with her son. Her role in disciplining him

simply involves remindering him of right from wrong.

Table 2 shows the results for Monday’s parent-child relationship. In conflict subscale,

Monday received a score that is close to low which denotes that she does not really

experience any problem in the relationship she has with her son. Monday scored slightly high

in the closeness subscale which is reflected by her close relationship with her son and their

mutual display of affection with each other. Both are comfortable being open to each other.

Table 2

Monday’s score in Child-Parent Relationship Scale

Parent-Child Relationship M SD Word Interpretation

Conflict 2 1.60 Not Really

Closeness 4.86 0.38 Somewhat Applies

Overall Parent-Child Relationship 3.43 0.99 Neutral

VI. Coping

Monday still misses her husband and has difficulty dealing with the loss. However,

she has her family and friends who reassure that they will always be there for her. They

often invite her to hang out or bond with them. When asked about moving on, Monday said

that “Siguro 70% palang, hindi pa complete” (Probably around 70%, still not complete).

Although five years have passed, she still misses her husband but she knows her son will

always be there to support her.

VII. Integration of Findings

Monday obtained a high score for overall psychological well-being. However,

she received a low score in the subscale autonomy and positive relations with others.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 34

This is evident in her sharing that after her husband’s death, she became more selective

of who she would consider friends and expressed that she was still determined to

achieve her goals. Monday garnered a high score for environmental mastery and

personal growth. During the interview, she indicated that she widened her preferences

in life and started anew. She shared that she was determined to have a healthy diet for a

long life with her child and began to engage in sports again. Monday’s high score on the

purpose on life reflects that she is goal-directed. She still wants to pursue what she and

her husband were doing before his death with the help of God. Regarding self-

acceptance, despite receiving a low score, she has accepted her circumstances and is

happy. Even though she misses her husband, she chooses to continue and believe in

what she is capable of doing.

Monday’s overall parent-child relationship score is at the neutral level. This implies

that she has a balanced closeness and conflict relationship with her child. Monday did not

disclose having any concerns or problems with her son aside from him not going to church.

The results in her psychological well-being’s subscale in positive relations with others,

revealed a moderately high score under relationship with her child. Her coping shows that

she can handle responsibilities even though she is the only one left, more so her son helps her

deal with problems. When she remembers her husband she distracts herself by cleaning the

house. This is her coping style and it provides the relief she needs. Her overall high well-

being score provides evidence that she is coping with her situation.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 35

Case #2: Tuesday

I. Demographic Data

Age: 54 years old

Gender: Female

Educational Attainment: 2nd Year College

Work History: Employed

Work Status: A social service staff for 1 year and a half

Number of years married: 34 years (1979)

Number of children: 6

Years of being widowed: 5 years (2013)

II. Family and Personal History during Widowhood

Tuesday disclosed that she does not maintain a very close relationship with her

children. She is always at work and is unable to spend much time with them. While at work,

her mother takes care of her children and Tuesday is able to see her children on weekends.

She shared that birthday celebrations, New Year, and Christmas were her most memorable

events with her children because this is the time when their family is complete. She revealed

that one of the most difficult things for her to do is to let go of her children when they start

their own family. She is not used to them being away from home so letting go is difficult for

her.

When her spouse died, Tuesday’s children became her source of financial support.

They took over the responsibility for the expenses around the house such as electricity and

water bills. She experienced difficulty raising her children because they became more

troublesome as they got older. She confessed that as a widowed parent, she instilled
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 36

discipline on her children by hitting them. However, as time passed, she stopped doing it and

just let her children be.

Tuesday’s relationship with her relatives is not close and she also does not consider

them a source of support. They were only there for her during the funeral. Despite this, she

considers her best events with them are during reunions, birthday celebrations, weddings, and

baptisms. She sometimes experienced awkward situations when her relatives fight during

these occasions but they resolve the problem by talking. When asked about the activities that

she engages in with her children and relatives, Tuesday replied, “Ay ano, yung activities

kasama— yung isang anak ko tapos mga apo. Yung dito, yung palaro dito sa barangay.

Meron kaming- anong tawag dun? Kakampi ko tatay ko, yung ibang mga apo ko kasama ko

dito, naglaro.” (The activities with— one of my children and my grandkids. Here, there is a

sport event here in the barangay, we have, what do you call that? My father is my ally, I’m

with my grandkids here, playing.) When asked if this was helpful she said, “Oo naman kase

kahit papaano eh nailalabas mo yung ibang ano mo na hindi lang puro- pag nasa bahay ka,

tahimik, iiyak, ganun. At least nage-enjoy ka kahit nasa labas. Hindi kase kapag nasa bahay

ang iniisip mo ano eh ang gulo, makikita mo nakahilata sila lahat tapos ang gulo pa ng mga

bata. Walang tigil ang kadadaldal [laughs] pero kapag ka tapos nung maingay okay naman,

nanonood ng tv, masaya naman- kulitan.” (Yes, of course because somehow you can release

the, not only- when you’re at home, it’s quiet, you can cry, something like that. At least you

enjoy yourself when you’re outside. No cause when you’re at home, you think of the chaos,

you can see them sleeping, then the kids are always causing trouble. They are always

chattering [laughs] but when it quiets down, it’s peaceful, watching the tv, its fun- playing

with them).
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 37

The activities are helpful to her in that they make her happy. She enjoys herself and

this also serves as a distraction. At present, she is in fairly good health but has high

cholesterol and rheumatism. Tuesday deals with her stress by talking to other people,

watching television, sleeping, and resting.

III. Relationship with Friends and Colleagues

Tuesday maintains a close relationship with her friends and colleagues. They spend a

lot of time together and when they are not working, they catch up on each other’s lives. She

describes her friends as the only ones who can make her laugh and make her happy. They see

each other almost every day and play badminton almost every morning. Her friends are an

important source of support for her because she can tell them her problems and they are there

for her. They give her advice and comforting words.

Tuesday revealed that one friend was her biggest source of support during her most

difficult period. This friend is also a widow and they became each other’s source of support.

They spend their time playing badminton, going to the mall or the church, and just enjoying

being together.

IV. Psychological Well-Being

Tuesday rated her quality of life as an “8”, from a scale of 1-10. She shared that she

has achieved some of her goals but still has a lot of ambitions for her children. When asked

how her life changed as a result of the loss of her spouse, she replied, “Alam mo sa totoo

lang sasabihin ko sa iyo yung totoo, para akong nakalaya. Kase ano ako eh, ahh, seloso kase

yan. Bata pa- bata pa- tinanan kase ako so yung- kung hindi lang ako nagwork, hindi ako

makakalabas ng ibang- hindi ako makakarating sa gantong lugar. Kung hindi pa ako

magsisinungaling minsan sa kanya na kunwari nasa work ako pero wala nag-gagala kami sa
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 38

mall nun. Masyadong seloso, kaya hindi ako yung nakakalabas ng pag nasa bahay na ‘ko

hindi na ko mapapaalis kase nga nandun— kumbaga may curfew ako. Pagdating ng gabi iba

na yung ano ko- iba na yung kaba ko parang… pag-uuwi ako laging galit sakin pero hindi

siya nananakit.” (To tell you the truth, I felt like I was free because he is possessive. We

eloped when I was young so- if I didn’t work, I could not go out- I can’t go to other places. If

I do not lie to him sometimes, that I’m still at work even though I’m at the mall. He’s too

possessive, that’s why I can’t go out of the house twice in one day because I have a curfew.

If I got home at night, I’m so nervous, because he’s always mad at me but he doesn’t hurt

me.)

Tuesday felt a sense of freedom after her spouse died because of all the restrictions he

put on her. She can now do what she wants without her husband stopping her. She described

her mental health as being at peace.

Prior to widowhood, one of her life goals was to earn more money for herself.

Although she had work, she wanted to earn more because her husband did not give her

money for her own expenses. He provided only for their children and the house bills. When

her husband died, her life goals evolved. Now, her goal is to see her family happy and

adjusted.

Table 3 reveals the outcome of Tuesday’s psychological well-being scale. In the

autonomy subscale, Tuesday scored low which indicates that she is concerned about how

others view her and is wary on how to act due to the fear of being judged. She has the

tendency to be unable to voice out her own opinion and sometimes relies on other’s approval.

In environmental mastery, her high score shows that she has a sense of mastery and expertise

in managing the environment. She is proficient in using her surroundings to her advantage. In
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 39

terms of personal growth, she scored high which reflects her openness to new experiences

and desire to improve herself and her behavior. Tuesday scored low on positive relations

with others. She has few close, trusting relationships with others and has difficulty in opening

up to new ones. Her high score on the purpose in life subscale reveals that she has goals in

life and continues to strive for more. Her low self-acceptance score conveys she feels

displeased with herself, and may be frustrated in what has occurred in her past life. She likely

hopes for things to be different from what it is.

Table 3

Tuesday’s score in Ryff’s Scales of Psychological Well-being

Word
Psychological Well-being M SD Interpretation

Autonomy 4.29 1.25 Low

Environmental Mastery 3.57 1.51 High

Personal Growth 4.57 1.62 High

Positive Relations with


Others 4.57 1.13 Low

Purpose in Life 4.14 1.77 High

Self-Acceptance 4 1.41 Low

Overall Psychological
Well-being 4.19 1.49 Low

V. Parent-Child Relationship

Tuesday’s youngest child experienced bullying in their school. This resulted in her

not continuing her education. Tuesday recognized that one of her shortcomings as a parent is

being unable to convince her youngest to resume studying. She dealt with the matter by

talking to her child and encouraging her. Her previous manner of disciplining her children
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 40

was by hitting them. As her children grew older, she realized that talking to them and letting

them do what they want was more effective. Communicating and spending more time with

her children is her way of improving her relationship with them.

Table 4 displays the scores of Tuesday in the parent-child relationship scale. Her

closeness with her children is neutral. This can mean that she is not comfortable in sharing

her hardships with her children but they still have a strong bond. In terms of conflict, her

neutral score indicate that her relationship with her children may not be close but it is

also not that distant.

Table 4

Tuesday’s score in Child-Parent Relationship Scale

Parent-Child Relationship M SD Word Interpretation

Conflict 3.88 0.35 Neutral

Closeness 3.86 0.90 Neutral

Overall Parent-Child Relationship 3.87 0.63 Neutral

VI. Coping

When Tuesday remembers her spouse, she allows herself to cry and grieve. She

recalls an experience wherein her friend betrayed her. She cried the whole day and this

served as a release of her negative feelings. She felt better the next day and was back to

normal. In terms of moving on, Tuesday shared that she is happy now and enjoys her

freedom with God by her side.

VII. Integration of Findings

Based on the overall results of Tuesday’s Psychological Well-Being Scale, she has a

low psychological well-being. She is not satisfied in some aspects of her life. Her low score
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 41

in the self-acceptance subscale indicates that she may still have some regrets from the past or

that she is dissatisfied with self. This may be explained by her disclosure that she wants to

relive her life as a teenager and experience studying again. When she was a teenager, she

eloped with her husband so her teenage life was cut short. Her high score on the personal

growth subscale implies she sees improvement in herself and behavior over time. She is

changing in ways that reflect more self-knowledge and effectiveness. She stopped hitting her

children after she realized its consequences. She is also contemplating a fresh new start after

the death of her spouse. This can likewise explain her high score on purpose in life.

Tuesday’s life goals are constantly changing, and her current goal is to see her family happy.

Her score on the parent-child relationship scale indicate that she is neither close nor does

have any significant conflict with her children. She is sometimes tired when she is with them

but she also does not forget about her role as their mother. Tuesday obtained a low score on

the positive relations with others subscale. This is reflected in her sharing that she maintains

a distant relationship with her children and relatives, and only has a few close friends.

Tuesday copes by praying, letting herself cry, and by talking to her close friends who provide

her the biggest support during her difficult period.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 42

Case #3: Wednesday

I. Demographic Data

Age: 54 years old

Gender: Female

Educational Attainment: College graduate

Work History: Employed

Work status: Working as a legal assistant

Number of years married: 5 years (2003)

Number of children: 2

Years of being widowed: 10 years (2008)

II. Family and Personal History during Widowhood

Wednesday describes her relationship with her children as close, like they are just

siblings. They bond during the weekends when they go out and enjoy. She disclosed that her

only concern in rearing her children is financial difficulties. Wednesday’s children are

homebodies and she does not have difficulty in disciplining them. When there are concerns,

she just talks to them about the problem. Their family dynamics changed after her spouse

died. Wednesday relied heavily on her husband, but after his death, she had to do everything

on her own. Her parenting responsibilities include monitoring children and/or handling the

expenses which her husband used to do. Her children became a source of support for her by

avoiding everything that can remind her of their father. They would turn off the radio when a

song associated with him was playing. She considers her children as her biggest support.

Their presence was a strong source of comfort for her as they did not leave her side when she

is grieving.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 43

Wednesday has a close relationship with her relatives. They are also a source of

support for her by being there during her adjustment period, comforting her and helping her

financially. Their homes are beside each other and they see each other everyday. Wednesday

recalls that the best events she shared with her relatives are during birthday celebrations and

graduations. After her husband died, they did not have celebrations with relatives for about 2

years because they did not feel like celebrating anything. However, after adjusting to their

loss, they resumed celebrations, most recently, the debut of her daughter. Wednesday

experienced an awkward moment during the debut because of her dual role as mother and

father. She tried to ignore this concern and moved forward with the preparation. These

occasions, wherein she engages with her children and relatives, have proven to be helpful.

She experienced happiness during these occasions. Wednesday is in good physical health and

does not suffer from any illness.

III. Relationship with Friends and Colleagues

Wednesday is close to her friends and colleagues. They get together thrice a month

wherein they just go to a bar and have fun. She shared that one memorable bonding

experience was when they went to Vietnam and Malaysia for a 3-day company outing. They

spent their time shopping and sight-seeing. She considers her friends an important source of

support because they visited and comforted her during her difficult period. She would share

stories about her husband with others which she found helpful.

IV. Psychological Well-being

When Wednesday was asked to rate her quality of life, she answered 7 out of 10. She

is happy that she can support and feed her children. She defines her life right now as, “Ahh,

hindi— nasa tama lang, hindi perfect hindi naman masama.” (It’s just right, not perfect nor
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 44

bad.) She did not give a rating of 10 because she is working hard to support them and is

looking forward to them starting to work. When asked about how her life changed when her

spouse died she answered, “Talagang— kase kapag nawala yung asawa mo talagang

kalahati ng buhay mo ang nawala.” (When you lose your spouse, it’s like you lost half of

your life as well.) She also rated her mental health a 7 out of 10. She shared that although she

cannot claim that she is happy, she is also not that sad. Before widowhood, her goals with her

husband was to buy a house for their family and invest in a business. When her husband died,

her life goals changed. Now, she just wants her two children to finish their education.

Table 5 reveals the results of Wednesday’s psychological well-being scale. In

autonomy, her high score indicates that she is self-determining and independent. She is

confident to act and the opinion of others do not really affect her. Her high environmental

mastery subscale implies that she is competent to meet the challenges of her environment. In

terms of personal growth, her high score shows that she can see herself developing her

potential over time. When it comes to her positive relations with others’ high score, it reveals

that she does not have any distant relationship with others. She can trust people and open up

to them easily. For purpose in life, Wednesday received a high score. It is likely that she

wants to continue living and still have different goals. She feels the present time is important

and looks forward to the future. Her low score on the self-acceptance subscale shows that she

may have regrets in her past and wishes to do things differently with herself.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 45

Table 5

Wednesday’s score in Ryff’s Scales of Psychological Well-being

Psychological Well-being M SD Word Interpretation

Autonomy 4 1.91 High

Environmental Mastery 4.14 2.04 High

Personal Growth 4.71 1.89 High

Positive Relations with Others 5.43 1.51 High

Purpose in Life 4.57 1.81 High

Self-Acceptance 5.14 1.46 Low

Overall Psychological Well-being 4.67 1.74 High

V. Parent-Child Relationship

One of her shortcomings as a parent is not spending enough time with her children

because she needs to work. She deals with this by freeing her weekends for her children so

they can spend their time together. She is lenient when it comes to parenting style. She shows

that she can be authoritative when she implements a curfew on her children. She finds this

rule effective and her children do not rebel. Understanding her children and allowing them to

do what they want as long as it is right is her way of improving her relationship with them.

Table 6 reveals the scores Wednesday obtained in the parent-child relationship scale.

Based on her findings, Wednesday is close to her children. Her score on the conflict subscale,

shows that they are close to each other and their fights are not significant.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 46

Table 6

Wednesday’s score in Child-Parent Relationship Scale

Parent-Child Relationship M SD Word Interpretation

Conflict 1.25 0.07 Does not apply

Closeness 4.71 0.49 Somewhat applies

Overall Parent-Child Relationship 2.98 0.60 Not really

VI. Coping

Wednesday deals with stress by talking to other people. When she remembers her

husband, she deals with this by thinking of all the good memories they had together.

Wednesday believes that she has moved on and that it was helpful to avoid anything

associated to her husband. The people around her, like her children, relatives, and friends,

also helped her moved on, “Paano ako nakamove on? Ayun nga, ahh, iniwasan ko muna

yung place na pinupuntahan namin before, iniiwasan ko yung mga songs tapos nagbo-

bonding ako pati mga anak ko, sa mga kapatid ko, sa kaibigan ko atsaka more on work.

Ayun, yun ang— kaya ako nakamove on.” (How did I move on? I avoided the places that we

went together and songs that can remind me of him then I bond with my children, my

siblings, and friends. I also focus more on work. So that’s how I moved on.)

VII. Integration of Findings

Wednesday obtained a high score for her overall Psychological Well-being. This

implies that she is positive about her future and looks forward to the next chapter of her life.

Her high score in five out of the six dimensions of the well-being scale provides evidence

that she is satisfied with most aspects of her life. She can adapt quickly and handle the

responsibilities she faces in her life now. Wednesday shared that she has little difficulty
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 47

raising her children. Her biggest source of support are her family and friends which is

parallel to her high score in positive relations with others. She is capable of having strong

empathy, affection, and intimacy. She is close to her relatives and family, hence, has many

close friends. Likewise, her Parent-Child Relationship Scale results reveal that her

relationship with her children is balanced. Wednesday disclosed that she maintains a close

relationship with her children, and is like that of siblings. Her high score on personal growth

reveals she has sense of realizing her potential and she has a feeling of continued

development. This was evident on how she coped easily by celebrating Christmas again two

years after the death of her husband. Her high score in purpose in life means that she has aim

and objectives for living. Although her life goals changed after her husband passed away, she

is determined to see her children through their education. Her low score in her self-

acceptance indicates that she is saddened by what occurred in the past. As she stated in the

interview, she felt she lost half of her life when she lost her spouse.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 48

Case #4: Thursday

I. Demographic Data

Age: 54

Gender: F

Educational attainment: College

Work history: Employed

Work status: Rank & File

Number of years married: 9 years (1989)

Number of children: 3

Years of being widowed: 20 years (1998)

II. Personal and Family History during Widowhood

Thursday maintains a close relationship with her children. She openly shared that the

most memorable events for her were celebrations. It is noticeable that Thursday was smiling

while recalling her memories with her children. When it comes to parenting, she is not strict

but she likes to know where her children go.

Being a widow, she experienced financial difficulties especially when she gave birth

to her youngest child “Yeah oo.. uhm at times actually with this one ‘cos when I gave birth to

her it was like on me waking up in the middle of the night of course with the little help from

lolo pero most of the time it’s me then I have to go to work then I have to be you know that

one for her ah uhm difficulties ano pa.. expenses actually. There are times na I don’t know

where to get money anymore ano it’s like this is the- so much money that I have they have to

buy stuff for children.” (Yeah…at times actually with this one cause when I gave birth to her

it was like on me, waking up in the middle of the night, of course with a little help from lolo
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 49

but most of the time it’s me. Then I have to go to work, then I have to be you know that one

for her, difficulties, what else? Expenses actually. There are times I don’t know where to get

money anymore, it’s like this is so much money that I have they have to buy stuff for

children.) Thursday shared that her family dynamics changed but she remained firm in

handling the things she experienced after her loss. Her support from her family helped her

handle difficulties. She considers them and her relatives as her biggest source of support,

“Especially when I lost my husband, I was pregnant with Ejay so I told myself there’s no

room for me sulk sob cry and ano sabi ko theres no choice for me but to move on and just

you know do what I’m supposed to do as a mom and a dad already parang ganun. So

everything it’s all on me, of course with the little help from family and siblings pero it was

just me bringing up the children”.

Thursday considers celebrating birthdays and Christmas with them as memorable

events. She disclosed that there are some awkward moments being with her relatives.

According to her, “Of course there are, a lot of awkward moments syempre everybody’s

there, complete uhm the dad the mom the kids. Ako, I- syempre I like that for my children

also diba.” She deals with these by remaining quiet.

Thursday and her family bond by going out of town. These are her happiest

moments.,“Very happy of course, it’s a way of you know forgetting whatever forgetting the

sad moments as long as you’re with family also friends diba they give you support, moral

support they make you happy.”

III. Relationship with Friends and Colleagues

Thursday shared that her relationship with her friends and colleagues are stable and a

source of joy. She enjoys spending time with them. Thursday was asked if they were a source
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 50

of comfort during her difficulty period, and she answered yes, “yeah, I can talk with my

friends when I feel sad.” However, she does not talk to her friends about her late spouse and

just keeps it to herself. When she recalls her loss, she finds it helpful to think of all the happy

memories she had with her spouse.

IV. Psychological Well-Being

Thursday rated her life quality a score of 8 out of 10. She explained that, “Hmm 8

kasi there are still a few things that I’d like to do for myself and my kids that I haven’t done

yet but so far if its- if I don’t get that parang okay lang if I can parang I want parang

ganun.” (8 because there are still a few things that I’d like to do for myself and my kids that I

haven’t done yet but so far if I don’t get that it’s okay if I can, like, I want). She admits to

being strong-willed and her current mental health is stable. Thursday defined her life in two

words which are “very okay”. Her life goals changed after becoming a widow because when

her spouse died, she assured all the responsibilities. She shared that being a mother makes

one more selfless and focused on the children. Thursday is happy when her children are

happy.

Table 7 shows the results of Thursday’s psychological well-being. Her score on all of

the six dimensions are low resulting in a low over-all psychological well-being. A low

autonomy score reveals that she may be concerned about the expectations and evaluations of

others and may also conform to social pressures to think and act in certain ways. A low score

in environmental mastery, reveals a tendency to having difficulty in handling her everyday

affairs. Her score in personal growth means that she may have lack the sense of improvement

over time and may not be open to new experiences. Her low positive relations with others

implies Thursday finds it difficult to be open and concerned about others. She may be
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 51

isolated within her interpersonal relationships. In purpose in life, she may have a few goals or

aims in life. Lastly, in self-acceptance, her score indicates that she is likely disappointed with

the loss that happened in the past.

Table 7

Thursday’s scores in the Ryff’s Scales of Psychological Well-Being

Psychological Well-being M SD Word Interpretation

Autonomy 4.57 0.90 Low

Environmental Mastery 4.71 1.25 Low

Personal Growth 5.14 1.21 Low

Positive Relations with Others 5.71 0.49 Low

Purpose in Life 4.71 1.11 Low

Self-Acceptance 4.71 1.38 Low

Overall Psychological Well-being 4.93 1.06 Low

V. Parent-Child Relationship

Thursday shared that she had shortcomings as a mother to her children and she tries

to make up for these. She stated that her parenting practice is not strict but she also sets

boundaries for her children in terms of going out and she believes that this has been effective.

Thursday shared that a way to improve her relationship with them,“to be ano siguro to be

less masungit bakit nga ba why do I do that because sometimes when I don’t uhm when they

don’t do things my way parang wala it gets to me right away parang ganun so uh ewan ko”.

(To be, perhaps to be less short-tempered because sometimes when I don’t— when they

don’t do things my way it gets to me right away so I don’t know).


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 52

Table 8 shows the results for Thursday’s parent-child relationship. In the conflict

subscale, Thursday obtained a neutral score. She may be short tempered with her children but

still engages with them. In closeness, she obtained a moderately high score. This implies that

they are intimate with each other. In the interview, she shared that she is close to her

children.

Table 8

Thursday’s scores in Child-Parent Relationship Scale

Parent-Child Relationship M SD Word Interpretation

Conflict 3 1.31 Neutral

Closeness 4.29 0.49 Somewhat Applies

Overall Parent-Child Relationship 3.64 0.90 Neutral

VI. Coping

Thursday deals with her loss by watching movies as a distraction. Support from

family and friends has also helped in easing her pain and facilitated her ability to move on.

She shares, “Everybody deserves a second chance in happiness although pag wala okay lang

din because I really didn’t go out of my way to find what is I have right now so if it’s there,

meaning its meant for me so thank you moved on without forgetting.”

VII. Integration of Findings

Thursday obtained a low overall score for psychological well-being. Low score in

positive relations with others implies that she has few trusting relationships and is

uncomfortable sharing herself with others. She is also a person of few words. She is not very

affectionate with those she is not close to, unlike her family who are very close to her.

Thursday did not express herself openly, thus, unable to share what she feels with others
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 53

which may be a contributing factor in her low psychological well-being and may due to the

fact that she has been widowed for 20 years. In relation to her autonomy, she mentioned that

being with her relatives makes her feel awkward because they are a complete family unlike

them. Being an “incomplete” family is an issue for Thursday. She also mentioned that she

experienced financial difficulty after her loss. Her personal growth and environmental

mastery implies that she may not have courage to be open to other chances. In relation,

Thursday shared that she was contented with the goals she has. Her life goal may have

affected her purpose in life because she did not say anything about her ambitions for herself,

only for her children. She also voiced out that, “it’s not really for myself kasi once you get

married and you have kids; as a mom, you don’t think that as much of yourself anymore so

it’s more for the children, if they’re okay they’re happy that goes through with me also

parang okay na with me” This may explain her low score purpose in life. Thursday’s result

in self-acceptance shows that she feels disappointed with her loss. However, she shared hat

she has moved on and is now a strong-willed person.

Thursday has maintained a close relationship with her children despite difficulties.

She makes sure to resolve concerns as they arise. Thursday maintains a balanced relationship

with her children, experiencing both conflict and affection. Thursday’s result in coping

reveals that having support from family and friends helps her cope with the loss.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 54

Case #5: Friday

I. Demographic Data

Age: 53 years old

Gender: Female

Educational attainment: College graduate

Work history: Employed

Work status: A babysitter

Number of years married: 23 years (1994)

Number of children: 3

Years of being widowed: 1 year (2017)

II. Family and Personal History during Widowhood

Friday describes her relationship with her children as close. The most recent activity

she and her children celebrated with relatives was when her eldest child gave birth last

August 28. The whole family prayed and had bonding time after the baby was delivered. She

finds it difficult to raise her children, especially when they misbehave and do not listen to

her. To discipline them, Friday makes them go to church. She disclosed that she experienced

financial difficulties after the loss of her spouse. Her children became a source of support by

taking care of her while her relatives provided financial and moral support. Friday considers

her relationship with her relatives as close. Her favorite event with them was last Christmas

2016 when they spent their holidays at Parañaque. The biggest adjustment she went through

after her spouse died was being both the father and mother to her children. Friday is in fairly

good health but suffers from high cholesterol and hypertension.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 55

III. Relationship with Friends and Colleagues

Friday maintains a close relationship with her friends. They would bond by going to

church almost every day. A trip to Baler with her friends is a favorite memory of her. She

also considers her friends as a source of support after her loss. When she remembers her

husband, she is open to sharing these memories with them. According to her, sharing her

thoughts helps her get through life and the people around her would tell her that,

“ipanalangin mo na lang yung kaluluwa na makapasok siya sa kapangyarihan ng Diyos.”

(Just pray for the soul to go to the power of the Lord.)

IV. Psychological Well-Being

Friday rated her quality of life as a “5”, from a scale of 1-10. She is happy because

she has support from her family but she is also sad because of the death of her spouse. Friday

acknowledges that mental health is important and her way of taking care of hers is by

allowing herself to relax. Her goals prior to being a widow was her children to finish their

education, however, this changed after they experienced financial difficulties. Friday’s

children had to work first before finishing their education. Despite these problems, she still

has a positive mindset with God serving as her strength.

Table 9 shows Friday’s result in her psychological well-being. Friday’s high result

under autonomy means that she is self-determining and independent. She also regulates

behavior from within. Her high score on environmental mastery means she can manage her

environment. She makes effective use of surrounding opportunities. Likewise, Friday

received a high interpretation in personal growth. She is open to new experiences wherein

being close to God was an important factor. In terms of positive relations with others, she

obtained a low score which implies that she has few trusting relationships with others. Even
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 56

so, she is still happy with what she has. Friday obtained a high score in purpose in life which

means that she holds beliefs that give life purpose and has aims to continue living. Her low

score in self-acceptance indicates that she is disappointed with the loss of her husband.

Table 9

Friday’s score in Ryff’s Scales of Psychological Well-Being

Psychological Well-Being M SD Word Interpretation

Autonomy 3.86 2.12 High

Environmental Mastery 3.71 1.98 High

Personal Growth 4.57 1.99 High

Positive Relations with Others 5.67 0.52 Low

Purpose in Life 4.2 2.05 High

Self-Acceptance 4 1.41 Low

Overall Psychological Well-Being 4.33 1.68 High

V. Parent-Child Relationship

Friday believed that one of her shortcomings as a single parent is letting her youngest

child be influenced by her child’s peers to disobey her. She handles this by talking to her

youngest child and reminder her to pray to God. She describes herself as strict, an effective

way of bringing up her children. Friday tries to strengthen their faith in God and sees this as a

way of improving their relationship with each other.

Table 10 reveals the scores of Friday in the parent-child relationship scale. In the

closeness subscale, she obtained a neutral score. This implies that she may not have a very

affectionate relationship with them. However, they still value their relationship with each
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 57

other. The result of the conflict subscale indicate that she does not fight with her children

often.

Table 10

Friday’s score in Child-Parent Relationship Scale

Parent-Child Relationship M SD Word Interpretation

Conflict 2.13 1.36 Not really

Closeness 3 1.73 Neutral

Overall Parent-Child Relationship 2.56 1.54 Not really

VI. Coping

When Friday experience stress, she resorts to praying the rosary. According to her,

dressing up and making herself look pretty has also been helpful. She believes that she has

moved on and she is happy because of the birth of her grandchild.

VII. Integration of Findings

Based on the findings, Friday appears satisfied with her life. She knows what she

wants to achieve and is determined to get there. Her high score on environmental mastery

implies she can easily adapt to changes in her surroundings. This may explain how she has

already moved on from the death of her spouse. In relation, she obtained another high score

in personal growth which implies she is open to new experiences. Friday obtained a low

score on the positive relations with others subscale. She finds it difficult to open up to others

and may feel uncomfortable in interpersonal relationships. That may reflect in Friday’s

overall result in the parent-child relationship scale that interpret her relationship with her

children as neutral. They are not close but rarely have any conflicts.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 58

Cross Case Analysis

Table 11 shows the summary of personal and family history during widowhood of the

mothers.

All participants are in good health except for one who has high cholesterol,

rheumatism and the other one who has hypertension. Most participants said that they are

close to their relatives. Across all participants, holidays family events are a reason for coming

together.

Table 11

Summary of the Personal History of the Participants

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Relationship Close Not close Close Close Close


with
relatives
Occasions Wedding Birthdays, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas
celebrated anniversaries, reunions, birthdays, birthdays
with death weddings, graduation
relatives anniversaries, baptismal
reunions,
birthdays
Activities Girls night Spending Going out, Out of Out of town,
with friends out, going to time out of town town going to the
the church together church
Times Often Everyday Thrice a Rarely Everyday
together month
with friends
Health No illness High No illness No illness Hypertension,
cholesterol, high
Rheumatism cholesterol
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 59

Table 12 shows the psychological well-being of the widowed mothers based from the

interview guide. This is divided into the six dimensions which are autonomy, environmental

mastery, personal growth, positive relations with others, purpose in life and self-acceptance.

In autonomy, three widows have stated they were earning independently after their

spouse died. They now have to work so they can provide for their family. Living

independently was also an adjustment for one widow wherein she and her family have to do

everything on their own. The last theme for autonomy was dependent on the spouse. In

contrast to the second theme, one widow describe that she have difficulties adjusting to her

live as a widow because she was dependent on her spouse. More so, the other four widows

were independent after the loss.

Environmental mastery reveals how widowed mothers deal with stress. The widows

have stated that they bond with their friends, vent out, and pray to handle their stress.

For personal growth, the first theme is mental attitude where the widows shared that

they have a stable, well-balanced mental health and a peace mind. The second theme is

adaptation after the loss, where widows expressed that they consider the changes in their

lifestyle to be challenging.

As for positive relations with others, most of the widows described their relation with

their family as close, however, some obtained a moderate score. And as for the friends, they

shared that they were close to them and felt comfortable being with them.

In purpose in life, it focuses on current goals of the widows which include: focus on

the future of their children, finish their education and being able to handle their financial

status.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 60

Self-acceptance, the theme is progression. Most of the widows have stated that they

have moved on from the death of their spouse.

Table 12

Psychological Well-Being of Widows

Dimension Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Autonomy
Adjustments Was Earning Living Earning Earning
after the loss dependent independently independentl independentl independentl
on spouse y y y

Feeling of Moderately Self-reliant Self-reliant Self-reliant Self-reliant


Independence Dependent

Environmental Mastery
Dealing with Prayer Venting out, Venting out Watching Prayer
stress resting movies,
hanging out
with friends

Personal Growth
Mental Stable At peace Well- Stable Well-
Attitude balanced balanced
Adaptation Adjusting in Handling Financial Financial Handling
after the loss being solo situations for hardships hardships situations for
children children

Positive Relations with others


Relationship Close Moderately Close Moderately Close
with family close close
Relationship Close Close Close Close Close
with friends

Purpose in Life
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 61

Life goals Finishing Betterment of Invest for her Finish Finish


her family children children’s children’s
husband’s education education
work

Self-Acceptance
Progression Not yet Yes Yes Yes Yes

Table 13 shows what relationship the widowed mothers has with their children in

terms of closeness and conflict.

Overall, most widows maintain a close relationship with their children. Memorable

events across participants center on celebrating special events and reunion. All widows

received support from their children which include: emotional support, financial assistance,

and moral support. All participants have varied parenting practices. The widows shared that

difficulties mostly centered on finances, children who don’t listen, and leaving the family

home. Participants talk to their children as a way of disciplining them. With regards to their

perception of shortcomings as a parent, varied answers include: being unable to convince

child to resume education, not spending enough time with children and unable to prevent

child from being influenced by others.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 62

Table 13

Parent-Child Relationship of Filipino Widows

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Closeness
Relationship Close Not close Close Close Close
with children
Memorable Celebrating Celebrating Bonding Celebrating Reunion last
events with birthdays, special every all of her 2016
children hanging out occasions weekend children’s
graduation at
the same
time
Support from Emotional Financial Emotional Moral Emotional
their children support support support, support support
moral
support
Parenting Lenient Strict to Lenient Not too strict Strict
practice lenient
Improve Nothing to Bonding with Bonding with Be less short- Teaching
parent-child improve her children her children tempered them what
relationship she learned
from the
church

Conflict
Difficulties in None Empty Nest Financial Financial Youngest
raising their Syndrome difficulties difficulties child does
children not listen
Disciplining Not needed Talking to Talking to Giving them Telling them
their children them them rules to go to
church
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 63

Shortcomings No Cannot Not spending No Letting her


as a parent information convince her much time information youngest be
given child to with her given influenced by
resume her children bad friends
education

Table 14 shows how widowed mothers cope with the loss of their spouse.

The widows found social support from their family and friends. For them dealing

with the loss of their spouse was difficult but it was helpful to talk to others, grieve and

remember good memories, and distract oneself. All these facilitated their ability to move on.

Table 14

Coping Responses of Filipino Widows

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

Social Family, Family, Family, Family, Family,


Support friends friends friends friends friends
Dealing with Distracting Talking to Talking to Reminiscing Reminiscing
the loss herself others, others,
grieving accepting her
loss
Ways of No Having Avoiding No Self-care,
moving on information strong social things that information bonding with
given support can remind given family
her about
spouse,
bonding with
the people
around her
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 64

Chapter 4

Discussion

This chapter discusses the outcome of the psychological well-being, parent-child

relationship, and coping of the Filipino widows. The Ryff’s psychological well-being scale

and a semi-structured interview guide were used to measure the psychological well-being of

the Filipino widows. A child-parent relationship scale with a semi-structured interview guide

was used. A semi-structured interview guide was used to determine how widowed mothers

cope. This section consists of the summary of findings, implications, limitations, and

recommendations.

Summary of Findings

Psychological Well-being. It has been found that the psychological well-being of a

widowed person can result in a lower level of mental well-being, higher level of depression,

and less satisfaction with their lives (Ansari as cited in Batool & Rubab, 2016). This is

parallel to the study of Aguila, Aquino-Malabanan & Lopez (2012), which found that

widowed persons have low psychological well-being than married persons. In the present

study, among the five widows, two mothers obtained a low well-being rating. Tuesday and

Thursday shared that the loss of their spouse had minimized their opportunities. According

to Bennett (2009), women maintain their self-identity as a wife and at the same time

incorporating an independent and self-sufficient self. Four respondents perceived themselves

as an independent women and capable of handling challenges through life. However, single

mothers face financial problems in meeting the basic needs for their children and experience

struggles in maintaining their previous standard of living (Kotwal and Prabhakar, 2009).

Despite the loss of their spouse, the widowed mothers learn to manage their financial
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 65

responsibilities independently. Monday and Friday had a high score in their environmental

mastery which helps them handle what is ahead of them. They also revealed that praying to

God helped to calm them when stressed. On the other hand, two participants handled their

stress by venting out to friends. This serves as a release for what is bothering them and

provides relief. For one widow, although she obtained a low score, she shared that she was

able to handle her stress. Bonding with friends helped in her adjustment phase. According to

Knowles and O’connor (2015), human beings have different ways on how to handle stressful

situations like the loss of a loved one. They would either adjust well or fail to manage the

problem and this can affect an individual’s well-being.

Widowed people experience financial, family, administrative, and practical

difficulties as well as shifts in their roles (Kotwal & Prabhakar, 2009). According to Lowe

and McClement (2011), they recommend that widowed women’s discomfort can be

attributed to increased responsibilities of taking care of the household, working, and being a

mother. Personal growth is a lifelong process. Discussing their quality of life after the loss of

their spouse, all five widows shared that they were at peace and stable. After the loss of their

spouse, they still seek to realize original goals. They were able to adapt and grow as

individuals. They push themselves to adjust with the help of their children and their vision to

do what is good for them and their family members. The responsibilities of unexpected

widowed mother’s become significantly greater that it can affect their psychological well-

being (Heineman, 1982). Despite obtaining an overall low score in psychological well-being

scale, Thursday is still able to grow and function as a mother. In relation, interview results

reveal that all five widows maintain good relationship with their family and friends. This

facilitated the moving on process and development to be a better parent for their children.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 66

Haase & Johnson (2012) indicates that widows struggle to articulate their new roles.

In the current study, the five widowed mothers’ purpose in life is to give a better future for

their children and for them to finish their education. Monday shared that she tries to continue

her husband’s goals and is motivated by the support of her children. Although two widows

obtained a low score, they believe this has no impact on their goals for her family.

All the five widowed mothers shared that they have moved on and feel happy with

what they have right now. However, despite this, they acknowledge that they still reminisce

about their spouse and will always love them. During the times when they feel the loss of

their spouse, they actively distract their attention to something else.

Parent-Child Relationship. One of the factors measured in parent-child relationship

was closeness. Closeness refers to affection, cohesion, intimacy, and trust (DeLay &

Laursen, 2011). Based on the overall result of the parent-child relationship scale, three

participants obtained a high score which means that they maintain a close relationship with

their children. Their children trust them and they express affection with each other which was

supported by their interview results. Monday perceives her relationship with her child as

close. They often hang out and celebrate special occasions together. She believes that there is

nothing to improve in her relationship with him. She admits to being lenient in her

upbringing style. Similarly, in the study of Riina and Feinberg (2012), the time parents spent

getting involved with their children has been associated with more successful outcomes.

Wednesday believes that her relationship with her children are like siblings. She leaves her

weekends free to bond with them. This is also supported by Lin (2010) wherein it was

mentioned that children who are closer to their parents may discern the parents’ needs and

competently allot these needs and have good connection which increases the child’s
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 67

encouragement. Thursday considers herself close to her children and her parenting practice is

lenient but she has boundaries in place. She concluded that being less short-tempered can

improve her relationship with her children. Park, Vo, and Tsong (2009) found that children

brought up in an Asian culture have a more affectionate and positive relationship with their

mothers compared to their relationship with their fathers.

The results of the parent-child relationship scale indicate that two of the participants,

Tuesday and Friday, were not close to their children. A study conducted by Driscoll and

Pianta (2011) and DeLay and Laursen (2011) reported that conflict is more recurrent and

negative affect are higher in mother-daughter relationships than in other parent–child

relationships. The widows may not be comfortable sharing problems with their children and

vice versa. However, they still maintain a good parent-child relationship. Conflict is

inversely related to well-being if the relationship is seen to be poor (DeLay & Laursen,

2011). Tuesday shared that the reason she does not feel close to her children is that she is

always at work and is unable to spend much time with them. As a result, she makes extra

effort to spend more time with her children and is also more lenient. Friday views her

relationship with her children as close contrary to the result of her scale which explains the

neutral rating. This may be due to the fact that she worked abroad for a long time to sustain

her family. DeLay and Laursen (2011) mentioned that change in marital status have a

significant impact on the relationship of parent and child in terms of closeness.

Conflict is another factor measured in the parent-child relationship inventory. Based

on the overall result of the parent-child relationship scale, all participants seldom fight with

their children. Their parent-child relationship is not distant. This is supported in the study of

Ingersoll-Dayton (2008), where widowhood correlates with positive changes in parent-child


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 68

relations, such as increased exchanges of emotional support and decreased negative

interactions. Monday has a good relationship with her child and has no difficulty raising him.

Three of the participant discipline their children by talking to them. A study conducted by

DeLay and Laursen (2011) suggested that conflict may be beneficial for those relationships

that are good if it is in moderate amount.

Coping. Elegbeleye and Oyedeji (2017) stated that no normal individual lives in

isolation. People need to depend on others for survival and also for psychological well-being.

In the current study, all participants received social support from their family, relatives, and

friends. They especially received support from their children after the loss of their spouse.

Studies by Changing Lives of Older Couples (CLOC) (2002) and Ha & Ingersoll-Dayton

(2008) stated that widowhood correlates with positive changes in parent–child relations, such

as increased exchanges of emotional support and decreased negative interactions. Monday

received comfort through encouraging words from her children. Tuesday received financial

support. Parallel to these results, the study of Utz, et al. (2006) reveal that in the period of

widowhood, bereaved parents are most likely to rely on their adult children. Wednesday,

Thursday, and Friday all obtain emotional and moral support from their children. In dealing

with the loss, reminiscing about the past seems to work with Thursday and Friday. A study

done by Agustin (n.d.) mentioned that Filipino adults cope with their frustration by

avoidance-oriented and emotion-oriented as their coping mechanism. Both Tuesday and

Wednesday talk to other people about their husband as a way of coping with their loss.

However, Tuesday admits to still experience grief while Wednesday has accepted the death

of her spouse. As stated by Kaneez (2015), it is common to vent the feelings while grieving,

as talking to others makes the burden of grief less difficult to carry. Four out of five of the
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 69

participants have already moved on and they have different ways of moving on. Having a

strong social support was a common feedback from the participants.

Implications

The findings in this study reveal interesting implications. Although the circumstances

are different, the psychological well-being of a widow does not differ greatly from other

individuals who did not experience death of a spouse. The support from family and friends

helped the widows function effectively in society. However, being a widow is more

challenging and difficult because of the added responsibility of caring for their children and

themselves. After a period of time, the widows strive harder for the betterment of their

family. Based on the findings, the psychological well-being of the widows can affect their

parent-child relationship and vice versa but it does not influence the coping of the widows.

High psychological well-being leads to a close parent-child relationship while low

psychological well-being is connected to a distant parent-child relationship. Despite that, all

the widows revealed their coping strategies and it helped them move on from the loss.

Majority of the widows had the same objective in life after their loss. The widows

have a common focus: their children. Helping their children to have a good future and a

never-ending love from each other are their primary goals. Having a close relationship with

their children helps the mothers to maintain a positive outlook in life. Having strong social

support from family and friends serves as a source of strength for widows. Furthermore,

widows may differ from married couples because of the loss of their partner, but both are

likely to have support of children and family.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 70

Limitations

This study is limited to Filipino mothers who have been widowed for at least 1 year.

The widowed mothers must live in the Philippines. The researchers did not include the

number of children the widowed mothers had in the criteria. However, the widowed mothers

must consider their child ages 3-22 in answering the questionnaires provided as well as the

questions during the conducted interview. The study focused on the psychological well-

being, parent-child relationship and coping of widows. The research design of the study is a

qualitative case study which allowed the researchers to have an in-depth interview with

respondents.

The Ryff’s Psychological Well-being Scale was used to determine the psychological

well-being of the widows in terms of their autonomy, environmental mastery, personal

growth, positive relations with others, purpose in life, and self-acceptance. Also, a semi-

structured interview guide questions that are supported by Pianta’s Child-Parent Relationship

Scale (CPRS) was used to determine the parent-child relationship.

Recommendations

Children of the Filipino Widows. The findings of the study can increase the

awareness of children of widows on what their mothers’ experience. This would facilitate

more understanding among family members which would, in turn, help build a better

relationship.

Counselors. Counselors can use the findings of the research to design an intervention

program focused on self-help for widows. The program can also focus on how widows can

better deal with the added responsibilities that come with being a widow.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 71

Family Members. This study will be able to help the family members understand

more what the widows are experiencing. The researchers recommend the family members

provide social support especially immediately after the loss of the widow.

Filipino society. This study can help increase the Filipino society to awareness in the

struggles of the widows. The researchers recommend that the Filipino society to foster an

build an environment wherein the widows will not feel uncomfortable.

Widows. The study findings can help widows see different situations of widowhood

through other widows and alternatively, they can relate their experience to them as well. The

researchers recommend the widows to be more open about their experiences and engage in

helpful coping strategies.

For Future Researchers. The researchers would like to recommend to look into the

perception and identify the experiences of children of the widowed mothers. Looking into the

perspective of the children will help the future researchers acquire additional in-depth

information. The researchers also recommend having a specific range number of years of

being a widowed for their limitations.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 72

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APPENDIX A

Consent Letter
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 84

APPENDIX B

Social Case History


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 85

I. Demographic Data

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Educational attainment:

Work history (Employed or unemployed?):

If employed, what is your work status (job position handled, how many years, and job

responsibilities):

Number of years married:

Number of children:

Years of being widowed:

II. Family and Personal History

We would like to ask some questions about your family.

Main Questions Probing Questions

As a widow, how would you describe your  Can you share the most

relationship with your children. memorable and fulfilling events

you have with your

child/children?

 Did you experience difficulties

raising your children? Please

share.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 86

How did your family dynamics change when  As a single parent, how do you

you lost your husband? Were your instill discipline with your

child/children a source of support? How so? children?

Were your relatives a source of support  How would you describe your

during your different period? How so? bond with your relatives?

 What are the best events you

share with your relatives?

Do you celebrate special occasions with  What are those occasions?

your relatives after your loss? Please share.


 Were there any awkward

moments during celebrations?

How did you deal with those?

Can you talk about activities you engage in  How often do you get together?

with your children and relatives? Do you


 How did you feel during these
consider these helpful during your difficult
activities?
phase?
 What were the

changes/adjustments you went

through?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 87

How is your health? If you experienced any

illness recently, how are you doing now?

How do you deal with stress? What do you

consider helpful in dealing with stress?

Please share.

Next, we would also like to ask you some questions about your friends and colleagues.

Main Questions Probing Questions

Describe your current relationship with your  How would you describe your

friends and colleagues. bond with your friends and

colleagues?

 How often do you get together

with your friends? Please share

how you spend your time with

them.

Please share a memorable bonding

experience with your friends? Have they

been an important source of comfort during

your difficulty period? How so?


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 88

It is natural to recall/remember your loss.  Do you share these thought/

When this happens, how do you deal with feelings with others? Is this

it? helpful?

Who were your biggest sources of support  In what way were they a source

during your most difficult period? of support?

APPENDIX C

Letter of Request for Psychological Well-being Scale


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 89

APPENDIX D

Ryff’s Scales of Psychological Well-Being (PWB)


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 90

We are now going to do the second part of the interview. We will be asking you to rate these

question in order to identify your feelings.

Instruction: The following set of questions deals with how you feel about yourself and your

life. Please remember that there are no right or wrong answers.

Circle the number that Strongly Disagree Disagr Agree Strongly


best describes your Disagree Somewh ee Agree Some Agree
present agreement or at Slightl Slightly what
disagreement with each y
statement.
1. I am not afraid to voice
my opinions, even 1 2 3 4 5 6
when they are in
opposition to the
opinions of most
people.
2. In general, I feel I am
in charge of the 1 2 3 4 5 6
situation in which I
live.
3. I am not interested in
activities that will 1 2 3 4 5 6
expand my horizons.
4. Most people see me as
loving and affectionate. 1 2 3 4 5 6
5. I live life one day at a
time and don’t really 1 2 3 4 5 6
think about the future.
6. When I look at the
story of my life, I am 1 2 3 4 5 6
pleased with how
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 91

Circle the number that Strongly Disagree Disagr Agree Strongly


best describes your Disagree Somewh ee Agree Some Agree
present agreement or at Slightl Slightly what
disagreement with each y
statement.
things have turned out.

7. My decisions are not


usually influenced by 1 2 3 4 5 6
what everyone else is
doing.
8. The demands of
everyday life often get 1 2 3 4 5 6
me down.
9. I think it is important to
have new experiences 1 2 3 4 5 6
that challenge how you
think about yourself
and the world.
10. Maintaining close
relationships has been 1 2 3 4 5 6
difficult and frustrating
for me.
11. I have a sense of
direction and purpose 1 2 3 4 5 6
in life.
12. In general, I feel
confident and positive 1 2 3 4 5 6
about myself.
13. I tend to worry about
what other people think 1 2 3 4 5 6
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 92

Circle the number that Strongly Disagree Disagr Agree Strongly


best describes your Disagree Somewh ee Agree Some Agree
present agreement or at Slightl Slightly what
disagreement with each y
statement.
of me.

14. I do not fit very well


with the people and the 1 2 3 4 5 6
community around me.

15. When I think about it, I


haven’t really improved 1 2 3 4 5 6
much as a person over
the years.
16. I often feel lonely
because I have few 1 2 3 4 5 6
close friends with
whom to share my
concerns.
17. My daily activities
often seem trivial and 1 2 3 4 5 6
unimportant to me.
18. I feel like many of the
people I know have 1 2 3 4 5 6
gotten more out of life
than I have.
19. I tend to be influenced
by people with strong 1 2 3 4 5 6
opinions.
20. I am quite good at
managing the many 1 2 3 4 5 6
responsibilities of my
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 93

Circle the number that Strongly Disagree Disagr Agree Strongly


best describes your Disagree Somewh ee Agree Some Agree
present agreement or at Slightl Slightly what
disagreement with each y
statement.
daily life.

21. I have a sense that I


have developed a lot as 1 2 3 4 5 6
a person over time.
22. I enjoy personal and
mutual conversations 1 2 3 4 5 6
with family members or
friends.
23. I don’t have a good
sense of what it is I’m 1 2 3 4 5 6
trying to accomplish in
life.
24. I like most aspects of 1 2 3 4 5 6
my personality.
25. I have confidence in
my opinions, even if 1 2 3 4 5 6
they are contrary to the
general consensus.
26. I often feel
overwhelmed by my 1 2 3 4 5 6
responsibilities.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 94

Circle the number that Strongly Disagree Disagr Agree Strongly


best describes your Disagree Somewh ee Agree Some Agree
present agreement or at Slightl Slightly what
disagreement with each y
statement.
27. I do not enjoy being in
new situations that 1 2 3 4 5 6
require me to change
my old familiar ways of
doing things.
28. People would describe
me as a giving person, 1 2 3 4 5 6
willing to share my
time with others.
29. I enjoy making plans
for the future and 1 2 3 4 5 6
working to make them
a reality.
30. In many ways, I feel
disappointed about my 1 2 3 4 5 6
achievements in life.
31. It’s difficult for me to
voice my own opinions 1 2 3 4 5 6
on controversial
matters.
32. I have difficulty
arranging my life in a 1 2 3 4 5 6
way that is satisfying to
me.
33. For me, life has been a
continuous process of 1 2 3 4 5 6
learning, changing, and
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 95

Circle the number that Strongly Disagree Disagr Agree Strongly


best describes your Disagree Somewh ee Agree Some Agree
present agreement or at Slightl Slightly what
disagreement with each y
statement.
growth.

34. I have not experienced


many warm and 1 2 3 4 5 6
trusting relationships
with others.
35. Some people wander
aimlessly through life, 1 2 3 4 5 6
but I am not one of
them.
36. My attitude about
myself is probably not 1 2 3 4 5 6
as positive as most
people feel about
themselves.
37. I judge myself by what
I think is important, not 1 2 3 4 5 6
by the values of what
others think is
important.
38. I have been able to
build a home and a 1 2 3 4 5 6
lifestyle for myself that
is much to my liking.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 96

Circle the number that Strongly Disagree Disagr Agree Strongly


best describes your Disagree Somewh ee Agree Some Agree
present agreement or at Slightl Slightly what
disagreement with each y
statement.
39. I gave up trying to
make big 1 2 3 4 5 6
improvements or
changes in my life a
long time ago.
40. I know that I can trust
my friends, and they 1 2 3 4 5 6
know they can trust me.
41. I sometimes feel as if
I’ve done all there is to 1 2 3 4 5 6
do in life.

42. When I compare myself


to friends and 1 2 3 4 5 6
acquaintances, it makes
me feel good about
who I am.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 97

APPENDIX E

Letter of Request for Child-Parent Relationship Scale


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 98

APPENDIX F

CHILD-PARENT RELATIONSHIP SCALE

We are now on the third questionnaire, however this will only be a short scale. In addition,

we will also ask you to rate these questions. Thank you!

We kindly ask of you to reflect on the degree to which each of the following statements

currently applies to your relationship with your child. Using the scale below, circle the

appropriate number for each item.

Definitely does Not Neutral, Applies Definitely


not apply really not sure somewhat applies
1 2 3 4 5

1. I share an affectionate, warm relationship with my child. 1 2 3 4 5


2. My child and I always seem to be struggling with each other. 1 2 3 4 5
3. If upset, my child will seek comfort from me. 1 2 3 4 5
4. My child is uncomfortable with physical affection or touch from me. 1 2 3 4 5
5. My child values his/her relationship with me. 1 2 3 4 5
6. When I praise my child, he/she beams with pride. 1 2 3 4 5
7. My child spontaneously shares information about himself/herself. 1 2 3 4 5
8. My child easily becomes angry at me. 1 2 3 4 5
9. It is easy to be in tune with what my child is feeling. 1 2 3 4 5
10. My child remains angry or is resistant after being disciplined. 1 2 3 4 5
11. Dealing with my child drains my energy. 1 2 3 4 5
When my child is in a bad mood, I know we're in for a long and
12. 1 2 3 4 5
difficult day.
My child's feelings toward me can be unpredictable or can change
13. 1 2 3 4 5
suddenly.
14. My child is sneaky or manipulative with me. 1 2 3 4 5
15. My child openly shares his/her feelings and experiences with me. 1 2 3 4 5
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 99

APPENDIX G

Interview Guide

Psychological Well-being

1. From 1 – 10, please rate the quality of your life now. Explain why.

2. How has your life changed as a result of the loss of your spouse?

3. How would you assess your current mental health?

4. Can you explain your life goals prior to widowhood? Are they the same now or have

they changed. If yes, why so?

5. How do you define your life right now?

Parent-Child Relationship

1. Are there any shortcomings as a parent that you are aware of and what do you plan to

do with it?

2. How will you describe your parenting style? Do you believe this is effective? Please

explain.

3. What could you do to improve your relationship with your child?

Coping

1. How did you deal with the loss? Who are the people who help you deal with it? What

did they do and how effective is this?

2. How would you assess yourself at present in terms of moving on or coping up with

your loss? Please expound on this.


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 100

APPENDIX H
Transcript of Interview with Monday
Duration: 38 Minutes and 50 Seconds
Date: September 11, 2018
Location: Pasay City
Interviewer: Joan Sendico (J)
Interviewee: Monday (M)

1 J How would you describe your relationship with your child


2 M Ah ngayon, medyo nag-ano – nung first year syempre pareho
3 pa kaming grieving sad at the same time. Syempre namimiss
4 naming yung papa niya okay naman siya pero nung itong mg
5 previous years parang hindi – okay naman yung relationship
6 namin kaso nga lang yung pagiging christian- kasi Christian
7 – born again Christian kami hindi na siya umattend ah so
8 parang hindi ko naman sinasabi dahil nawala yung father
9 niya diba parang pero yun yung hindi ko alam pero ayaw
10 niya eh. Since nung pumasok siya nag-work siya busy narin
11 kasi uh shifting yung work eh kasi uh airlines kasi siya
12 J Siya na po yung sumususento sa inyo?
13 M Definitely hindi, hati kami ng ano uh lahat ng gastusin sa
14 bahay lahat ng ano. Hati kami. Para may savings siya may
15 savings ako Kasi may naiwan naming konting uh apartment
16 (j: meron po kayo?) hindi yung- may business kasi yyung (j:
17 paupahan po?) yung husband ko. Yun yung ano namin
18 parang ako source of income ko siya naman yung work niya
19 so lahat nung uhm bayarin billings etc uh hati kami.

20 J Can you share the most memorable experience with your


21 child
22 M Uh kami – lagi kaming nagc-celebrate ng birthday niya uh
23 every uh day-off niya kumakain kami sa labas every now and
24 then, nagg-grocery kami pareho so (JS: yun po yung bonding
25 niyo? Oo hindi kami talaga – hindi naman sa hindi kami
26 close kaya lang close kami as in ganun close naman talaga
27 kami ganun talaga situation namin sa bahay.
28 J Did you experience any difficulties raising your child po
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 101

29 M Actually wala na eh kasi uh 1 sem nalang g-graduate na siya


30 eh (nagaaral pa po siya?) so yung time na nawala husband
31 ko kasi uh 5 years yung course niya. Hindi na naabutan uh
32 isang sem lang ggraduate na siya yung nawala – yun yung
33 pinaka-best thing na – pinaka-hihintay ng papa niya na
34 makasama dun sa graduation niya so yung lola niya atsaka
35 siya yung papa niya hindi nakasama kasi pareho nang wala
36 so ako nalang sumama dun sa graduation niya (Paano po,
37 hindi po kayo nahirapan nang pagpapalaki po sa kanya?)
38 Actually hindi kasi uh grown up na siya eh, imagine 23 na
39 siya so wala namang problem sa kanya is hindi ko siy
40 amapilit magchurch kasi nga mahirap pilitin yung ayaw.
41 Yun yon sabi ko bakit ayaw mo umattend – eh may trabaho
42 ako pero may mga times na wala siyang work – day off so
43 dapat umattend siya ( yun parin? ) Yun lang naman yung
44 problema namin. Pero lahat everything sinaabi niya even
45 money, even nililigawan, even yung lahat. Yun lang nagging
46 problem naming siguro nagkaroon siya ng ano kasi tatlo
47 kami naga-ano kasi tatlo kami nagc-church ng papa niya
48 atsaka mahilig sila mag-ano magusap ng mag-ama about
49 bible. Yung mga uh talagang historical background nung
50 isang ganun. (close po talaga sila?) oo mhm mhm. Talagang
51 ganun ang ano usapan sa bahay kasi ganun lalo pag lalo na
52 pag nag-aaral siya may mga times na kailangan yung
53 research na ganun uh nagk-kwentuhan sila ng ganun lalo na
54 yung mga about uh martial law. (may question 6:08) oo
55 ganun ang ano, so mahalaga samin yung ano sa table na
56 pagkain everything kasi dun kami nag-uusap usap oo
57 J Paano po nagbago ang family dynamics niyo
58 M Actually wala na, ang sa kanya syempre namimiss niya yung
59 papa niya may mga duties yung papa niya na hindi na
60 nagagawa sa kanya so ako nagbago dahil yung mga
61 ginagawa sa bahay yun yung (sa inyo na po?) oo lahat sakin
62 lahat sabi ko dapat sa kanya sabi niya ako nalang lahat sabi
63 niya ganun. YUN lang naman walang difficulty sa bahay na
64 nangyare ganun even if financial support or something.
65 Sinabi ng papa niya na even if mawala ako ayoko nung
66 nanghiram kayo ng pera ayoko nung umaasa kayo sa iba kasi
67 pagsumikapan niyong mabuhay mag – kayong dalawa.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 102

68 Actually dalawa lang naman kami sa bahay. (ah so kayong


69 dalawa lang po yung anak niyo?) oo kaming dalawa.
70 J Paano po siya nagging source of support?
71 M Siya uhm ang ano niya sinasabi niya sakin kasi minsan
72 nakikita niya ako parang tinitignan ko yung picture,
73 nakatunganga akong ganun yung mga uh 1st yr 2nd yr uh
74 sinasabi niya sa akin “ma uh paglabanan mo yan hindi pwede
75 lagging ganyan ang ano iisipin mo kasi kahit even ako
76 namimiss ko rin si papa sabi niyang ganun” ang hirap lalo na
77 mga duties na para sa kanya kasi ikaw na ang gagawa kaya
78 hirap *laugh*
79 J Paano niyo po dini-discipline ang anak niyo
80 M Actually wala na akong ano, wala kasi talagang even now
81 wala yung papa niya hindi naman siya nagbabarkada, wala
82 naman siyang – di naman siya nag-iinom wala siyang bisyo
83 hindi siya nagbabarkada (so hindi niyo na po?) wala walang
84 ganun ang talagang ano lang minsan masyadong nakaano
85 nakaasa sayo kasi minsan yung pagkain nandun na uhh
86 papahain niya pa sayo kasi papa niya gumagawa nun ayun
87 yung duty ng papa niya, silang dalawa kasi yung lagging uh
88 magkasama kapag sa kainan silang dalawa yung ano “anog
89 gusto mo” siya yung papa niya ang nagaasikaso ng ganun so
90 parang yun lang ang nagging problem ko sakanya dapat
91 iwanan mo nang pagkain na ganun so isspecify mo na
92 nandito yung food mo eto yung ganyan
93 J Ah dun, hindi na po disiplina talaga? Wala pong ganun?
94 M Ah wala, wala pong problemang ganun sakanya, na kahit
95 ngayon na nagtratrabaho siya –
96 R So parang lenient lang po yung ano
97 M Oo wala , wala ako naging problema so far, salamat naman
98 *laugh* kasi ako lang naman din mag-isa
99 J Eh yung relatives niyo po? Naging supporta niyo po?
100 M Uhhh actually hindi lahat sila. Yun, yun ang nagging
101 problema ko yung mga – hmmm – hindi relatives eh yung
102 mga in-laws ko – Ahhhh okay po – in-laws yung sa side
103 niya, pero syempre yung sa side ko nakasuporta sila sakin
104 diba? Yung in-laws ko ang nagging problem ko.
105 R Bakit po?
106 M Ahhh una kasi - if okay lang po – oh-de una kasi ganto, uhh
107 syempre may naiwan na, hindi naman kayamanan or naiwan
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 103

108 konting uhh lupa uhh uhh something na pang-negosyo na


109 ganun na apartment. Hindi naman sobrang apartment eh,
110 yung kaya talagang mabuhay kami. Uhh syempre uh alam
111 mo naman yung mga kapatid ang lagging ano galit sayo, kasi
112 ang lagging sinasabi hindi mo naman kami bibigyan diyan
113 sa naiwan ng kapatid naming, soo syempre ako bilang asawa
114 ibang ibang tao na ako sakanila eh, sila ang magkakapatid eh
115 diba? – ah opo – oo ganun yun eh, uhh depende na lang kasi
116 talaga sa tunay ng mga, mga in-laws kung talagang ganun
117 kayo kaclose, sila ang nagging problem ko.
118 J Eh sainyo po, sa side niyo po?
119 M Sa kapatid ko? Uhm wala wala kaming (wala pong
120 problema) Ah may support, sila ang nagsusupport sakin, pero
121 yung sa side ng husband ko talagang definitely wala – paano
122 po – kung meron man yung dalawang kapatid niya okay
123 lang, kasi ang naiwan kasi isang babae, ah ang kapatid niya
124 isang babae uhhh limang lalaki – ahhhh – kasi anim sila eh
125 so yung dalawang lalaki yun lang yung parang – yun din
126 naman yung nasa side ko kaya lang hindi sila nagagalit sakin
127 okay lang sila sakin ganun. Yung tatlo yun yung nagagalit.
128 J Eh yung, paano po yung relatives niyo po, paano po nagging
129 supporta sainyo po financially po ba or?
130 M Ay hindi uhhh lagi sila – lalo na nung 1st year and 2nd year –
131 even now may uhh communication kami tumatawag –
132 nangangamusta – oo may bonding kami even if uh malayo
133 sila kasi – oh saan po sila – taga Navotas so ditto ako sa
134 Makati, medyo malayo kaya – andun sila lalo na yung sister
135 ko kasi apat lang kami, 2 boys and 2 girls, sister ko syempre
136 – kahit even yung mga kapatid kong lalaki, hindi lalagpas
137 yung araw na hindi sila nagtetext “ate kamusta ka na?”
138 ganun. Sila so mag – Okay po yung bond niyo po? – ah oo
139 ever since kelan pinalaki kami ng mother ko kaming apat
140 talagang ganun. – close po? – oo hindi naman nag-aaway
141 away eh.
142 J Pwede po ba kayo magshare ng best moments with relatives
143 M Relatives…uhm actually sa side ko wala namang uh
144 nagkikita kita naman kqmi diba. Yung mga pinsan ng asawa
137 ko na malapit sa akin so sila yung nagsu—after nung day na
138 nilibing yung husband ko nang gabi nagpunta sila sa bahay
139 uh apat sila kasi nga syempre merong mga chismis na parang
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 104

140 may utang pa raw ako na ganto ganyan so concern sila sabi
141 nila bakit ganun magkautang ka pasa kanila dapat nga eh
142 ikaw ang suportahan nila parang ganun so nasolve naman
143 yung problem na may utang uhh naayos din naman siya pero
144 nakita ko yung concern nila pumunta sila sa bahay na hindi
145 ko naman sila pinapapunta para lang ano bay un sabi niya
146 ganto ganyan yun yung parang best na para sakin yun eh na
147 nandun sila sa ganun day ng nilibing na wala na nandun na
148 yung urn sa bahay syempre malu- ako lang magisa, yung
149 anak ko kasi nagw-work na that time so pumasok ata siya eh
150 di ko alam basta wala siya sa bahay nung gabi nung last day
151 ng burol ng papa niya may ano pa siya sa subic eh parang
152 hindi pwedeng wala siya so nung gabi nalnag siya nandun
153 kaya hindi ko alam aaah- after ata nung nilibing nagpunta
154 muna siya sa opisina tapos bumalik din yun yung the best
155 sakin kasi yung mga pinsan nga niya na malapit lang sa
156 bahay tapos nagdala pa sila ng pagkain para malaman kung
157 kumain ka na ba ganun ganyan (concern po sila?) concern
158 sila
159 J Eh nagc-celebrate parin po ba kayo ng occasions
160 M Yes, OO uh yung sila sa relatives ko sa side ng asawa ko
161 mga cousins niya yung eh uh pag mga wedding anniversary
162 naming mag-asawa so nagpupunta sila sa bahay even if kahit
163 tatlo sila atsaka death anniversary, birthday ni nelson yon
164 J May Awkward moments po ba
165 M Oh syempre nagkkwentuhan kami kasi niloloko nila ako kasi
166 up to now bakit daw umiiyak pa raw ako yun yun lang pero
167 masaya naman sila kasi uh sabi nila uh natiis ko yung- ako
168 raw yung napangasawa ng pinsan nila parang up to now
169 close sila- close kami kahit alam naman natin any moment di
170 nman dapat ganun ang ano as friend nalang pero kasi
171 tanggapin natin kagaya ko pwede parin naman ako
172 magasawa diba mababago na yung circle ng family ko hindi
173 na sila diba pero from time to time pwede pa naman kami
174 magkita as ganun nalang diba as friends as ganun
175 J Activities na ginagawa
176 M Ah marami uhm activites, nagre-reunion parin kami
177 sumasama parin kami sa reunion uh pagchristmas eve uh
178 nandun kami sa isang tita niya lahat kami nandun sumasama
179 parin kami (pati parin po anak niyo?) oo, even if wala kami-
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 105

180 wala na yung husband ko- sa side niya yun uh tapos pag may
181 mga syempre may namatay na auntie niya or kamag-anak
182 niya, nandun kami tapos sa side naman ng mother-in-law ko,
183 yung mama niya sa batangas nagpupunta parin kami uh yun
184 nga yung undas yun.
185 J Helpful po ba yung mga activities
186 M Ha yes oo helpful siya kaya dapat hindi kinakalimutan din
187 mga nakapaligid na kamag-anak dun sa namatayan na ganun
188 na celebration na ganyan kahit namang walang celebration
189 minsan pag Sunday minsan magtetext “punt aka ditto may
190 kare-kare kami kain tayo” (Gaano kadalas?) Uh minsan once
191 a month minsan lalo pag may occasion may birthday sa
192 kanila ganun (ano po nafifeel niyo pagganun) syempre ano
193 uh natutuwa ka kasi hindi ka pa nakakalimutan diba parang
194 hello eh syempre talagang kung yung mga in-laws ko
195 sinasabi sakin bakit ko pa raw ginagamit apelyido Nng
196 kapatid nila.. pero sila okay lang kumbaga parang
197 nakakataba ng puso nakakatuwa kasi hindi ka nila
198 nakakalimutan
199 J Adjustment na napagdaanan
200 M Changes…. Uhhh yun nga yung duties niya sa bahay. Tapos
201 yung nagaadjust kapag morning wala kang kasama
202 nagkakape *laugh* ang hirap hirap wala kang kasama
203 nagkakape sa morning kasi- sa morning kasi habang
204 naccoffee nagbabasa kami ng bread of life ayun nagbabasa
205 kami ng daily bread tapos uh meron kaming sharing uh yun
206 nga kasi bible verse kami- nagsshare kami habang
207 nagaalmusal tapos uh yung itinerary namin the whole day-
208 anong gagawin ko; siya naman kung uutusan mo ba ako ano
209 bang babayaran ko, bibili ba ako ng ganun pupunta ba ako ng
210 supermarket ganun tapos bibili ba ako ng ganyan yun
211 morning palang yun kasi talagang morning maaga talaga
212 siyang nagigising tapos yun ayun nagaano kami yun yung
213 adjustment kasi wala ka nang kasama nung time na ganun.
214 Ganun din pagdating ng gabi, so pagdating naman ng gabi
215 syempre nagddinner tapos nandun na yung anak ko kasi
216 estudyante pa siya that time oh yung mga gagawin
217 kinabukasan kung anong schedule nung bata yung anak ko
218 everything tapos gabi palang ganun kasama ko rin siya
219 syempre nagppray kayo kinabukasan… yun yung adjustment
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 106

220 na talagang nahirapan ako kasi uh most of the time


221 natatamad na akong magpray- talagang naano ako dun
222 parang uh nawala yung ganun kong habit na tinatawag uh
223 nawala yun. So nakakapagpray lang ako kapag kasama ko
224 sila edna yung mga kasama ko sa church pero yung ganun
225 mas importante yun eh mas intimate yung ganun kasi dalawa
226 kayo nung asawa mo pagdating naman ng gabi even if kahit
227 yung anak ko hindi kasama so minsan late na siyang umuuwi
228 so kaming dalawa so syempre at the same time pinagdadasal
229 mo na safe yung uwi ng bata
230
231 J Kamusta ang health
232 M Actually nung simula nung nangyare nga nung namatay siya
233 mas nagporsige ako magdiet kasi parang nasa isip ko sabi ko
234 kay Lord, gusto ko pang mabuhay nang matagal kasi para
235 Makita ko pa- kasi isa lang yung anak ko so kung ano man
236 yung gusto ni lord para sa buhay ng anak ko Makita ko pa
237 kung ano pa yung meron diba para magstart ako magdiet
238 magano hind imaging pasaway sa mga pagkain actually
239 sobran glaki ko dati – mataba pa naman ako kaya lang
240 medyo ang laki Malaki ako kaya nagstart ako ng ganun so
241 yun yung parang naging outlet ko sabi ko pwede pa kaya ako
242 magbadminton; kasi nagbabadminton ako. Highschool
243 palang ako nagbabadminton ako syempre natigil nung
244 college ka paminsan-minsan nalang hanggang nagtrabaho ka
245 paminsan minsan narin pero eto nung nagasawa ako
246 paminsan minsan narin pero nung nawala siya ay kacareerin
247 ko na talaga kailangan makapagbadminton na ako ulit uh ng
248 ano so yun ang health ko as of now okay namanako so
249 syempre may maintenance ng konti may vitamins pero wala
250 pa naman akong nararamdaman kasi ang ano ko uh ako
251 nalang yung natitirang magulang ng anako ko so kailangan
252 ayusin ko yung sarili ko ganun
253 J Deal with stress
254 M Stress.. uh .. ano unang una hindi ako madaling mastres eh
255 mahaba yung ano ko pasensya ko sa ganun pero minsan
256 siguro tumatanda nalang … mabilis narin magalit mabilis
257 narin magreact… pero kapag nastress ako siguro talaga lang
258 kailangan talagang morning palang magpray ka na para hindi
259 ka mastress. Ganun ang secret, ganyan ang gawin niyo
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 107

260 everything na gagawin niyo kausapin niyo na si lord…... lord


261 eto na magdedefend na kami sa thesis namin eh lift up mo sa
262 kanya sa kanila lahat everything. (helpful po bay un?) ah oo
263 ano nakakatulong talaga
264 J Relationship with friends
265 M Ah okay naman, kasi ganun parin naman ako ever since nung
266 nandito yung husband ko parehas parin kahit nung nawala
267 siya uh pero siguro parang naging- hindi naman choosy kaya
268 lang parang hindi rin naging- ayoko kasi ng parang kukulitin
269 ka na uy bakit ganyan yung tatanungin ka pa nila about sa
270 asawa mon a ganun na ganyan tapos sasabihin sayo oh bakit
271 di ka pa magasawa ganun ganyan parang pinakakaelaman pa
272 yung private life mo
273 J How often
274 M Every Sunday kasi sa church marami kaming ano kasister
275 kabrother ayan like si edna uh pag morning naman nandito
276 kami sa taas nagbabadminton ayan oo minsan sa iba din sa
277 court din actually nung ditto minsan pag Saturday nasa
278 planet ako nagbabadminton so okay naman
279 J Magshare ng memorable experience
280 M Friends…. Uh meronn siguro kasi pag may anniversary sa
281 church uhm pag may birthday lumalabas kami.. girls night
282 out oo yun pero hindi kami nagiinom ng alak ah oo yun mga
283 ganun minsan sama-sama kami pumunta ng baclaran
284 J Important source
285 M Yes oo yes isa rin sila syempre isa rin sila unang una yung uh
286 relatives mo yung mga pinsan ng husband ko then sila rin
287 kasi nagppray sila sayo yung mga kassister naming sa
288 church, pinagppray Karin nila
289 J Natural to recall
290 M Naglilinis ng bahay, (dinidistract niyo yung sarili niyo?) oo
291 kagaya ngayon uhm kahapon nakita ko mga pictures namin
292 kasi nagayos ako ng pictures eh nako tinago ko na siya agad
293 eh tapos naglinis nalang ako. Pero umiiyak ako habang
294 naglilinis eh kasi kapag naaalala mo yung mga pictures, ah
295 yung picture na ‘to pumunta kami sa ganito ah galling kami
296 sa ganyan kaya minsan ayoko nang Makita yung mga picture
297 eh
298 J Sharing
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 108

299 M Oo meron akong isang kamag-anak namin na 6 months


300 palang kamamatay ng asawa niya, kakamessage niya lang
301 sakin kahapon na ganun- ganun din nahihirapan siya kasi
302 close din sila nako sister wala nakong kaprayer partner kasi
303 Christian din sila sabi ko pareho lang din tayo nako
304 paglabanan mo yan sabi kong ganun ako rin dumaan din sa
305 ganun kasi 6 months palang siya (helpful po ba yun?) oo
306 sinasabi ko sa kanya, tinawagan na nga ako eh nako pareho
307 lang tayo ng pinagdaanan lahat napagdaanan ko na kaya
308 ibusy mo yang sarili mo
309 J Biggest support
310 M Syempre yung anak syempre ofcourse unang una si Lord
311 diba nandyan siya eh sisihin mob a siya sa nangyare sayo so
312 may reason siya bakit nawala nang una yung husband ko
313 diba parang ganun tapos yun- kaming dalawa nagaano
314 J Paano naging source of support
315 M Uhh yun ganun lagi niyang sinasabi sakin na wag ka nang
316 magalala ma kasi uh nakagraduate nako ako na magwwork
317 tapos nandito naman ako ayun tapos yun uh kasi syempre
318 magiisip Karin na sa future niyo pa ano pang gagawin
319 syempre magkakasakit tumatanda naako so sabi niya wag ka
320 nang magalala nandyan naman si lord, may work nako
321 nandito naman ako sabi niyang ganun. Yun yung assurance
322 na sinasabi niya sa akin
323 J 1-10 quality
324 M Uhhhm siguro mga 8 kasi ano eh kaya 8 kasi parang naano
325 nakita ko na bakit ano kumabaga kakapray mo kakaano
326 syempre una sinisisi mo si- hindi naman ako nagsisisi kaya
327 nagtatanong ako sa kanya bakit nauna yung asawa mo sa
328 kanya kaysa sayo oh bakit naman di ako parang ganun
329 parang nagkaroon na ng revelation sakin na ganun na parang
330 inano ni God parang hindi ako OA kay lord ah parang every
331 nagppray, may revelation na sinasabi kasi up until now
332 tinatanong mo parin siya diba na ayun kaya ang sakin kasi
333 ngayon masaya ako. Okay nako, kaya lang yun nga kahit 5
334 years umiiyak ka parin. Naghahanap ka parin sakanya
335 J Nagbago
336 M Ayun yun nga, everyday naming sa house tapos minsan
337 nagwwork pa siya parang yun ang- nawala ang duties ko
338 para sa kanya… yun ang pagbabago
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 109

340 J Mental
341 M Okay naman ako hindi pa ako mababaliw… alam ko pa
342 naman yung right and wrong
343 J Goals
344 M Syempre marami kaming plano tapos nung nawala siya lalo
345 akong nagporsige sa planong naiwan niya kasi gusto niyang
346 mapaayos yung mga apartment, gusto niyang maestablish
347 lahat yun so yun yung goal naming mag-ina ngayon
348 maestablish naming yung naiwan ng papa niya para
349 mapaayos yung dapat ayusin . ayun yun yung pinakagoal
350 namin na ah kasi sinabi ng papa niya na pagyamanin niyo to,
351 wag niyong ibenta ayusin niyo kasi ayokong hanggang sa
352 apo’t apohan ko maghihirap kayo ayaw niya yun (same
353 langba ang goals) oo kasi yun yung naiwan niya, yun rin
354 yung project naming mag-asawa so yun din ang dapat kong
355 ituloy
356 J How do you define life right now?
357 M Masaya kaso may kulang diba- paano bay un- may part na
358 empty kahit anong sabihin mo kahit family kami nang anak
359 ko hindi mo parin matuturing na ano kasi kulang eh mother
360 and father and children diba parang kulang paarin siya .
361 masaya kaso nga lang may part na kulang.
361 J May shortcomings po ba kayo as a parent
362 M Hmm siguro, hindi ko masasabi dapat hindi ako yung
363 magsasabi dapat yung anak ko diba
364 J How would you describe your parenting style po?
365 M Same parin, pareho parin… hindi naman ako authoritative
366 hindi naman ako lenient uhm ayos lang (may limit lang po?)
367 oh may limit syempre ah kasi wala akong naging problema
368 sa anak ko eh (mabait po talaga siya?) oo nandun nga siya eh
369 papasok siya mamaya natutulog, wala na pagdating ng-
370 (hindi po ba makulit?) ah hindi, mabait siya… 2 years na nga
371 siyang nagwwork eh (effective po ba?) uh kasi lahat ng ano
372 in moderation sa kanya may limitasyon sa mga bagay na
373 ganun kagaya ng one time, nagtatalo kami tungkol dun sa –
374 matagal na to, last year pa- meron siyang site na pinaganohan
375 parang site na ewan ko kasi nagtuturo siya ng English eh sa
376 mga japanese, Korean, chiness mga hindi magaling
377 magenglish uh so nakapasok siya dun sa site sabi ko umalis
378 ka diyan kasi baka ano dating site so yun dun kami nagtatalo
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 110

379 so pinabayaan ko nalang siya ehhh okay naman (effective po


380 ba yung way niyo po sa p.s.) uhm pinaaalahanan ko lang
381 siya, kasi sabi ko matandan ka na 24 yrs old ka na alam mon
382 a yung tama at hindi, mamaya yung site na yan hindi pa
383 parang- kasi ano hindi kasi ano dun magkakasama kayong
384 iba’t iba ang lahi na ang English ang usapan/// oh so
385 napatunayan ko rin na dating site nga talaga yun edi umalis
386 siya sinabi din sa kanya baka dating site yun sabi niya oo nga
387 tama ka nga ma sinabi niya pa sa akin yun yung ganung
388 paliwanag naguusapa kami ng ganun kasi nagkkwento rin
389 siya sa akin na ganun
390 J Paano niyo po mai-improve ang relationship niyo po sa anak
391 niyo
392 M Hmm wala namang dapat iimprove eh nireremind lang dapat
393 lagi siya na ganun na parang na remind mo siya na baka over
394 na yan, below the belt na yan diba parang oo actually
395 magaling anak ko maano yung mind niya pagdating sa mga
396 relationship na ganyan alam niya kung paano
397 J How do u deal with the loss po? Sino po mga tumulong sa
398 inyo?
399 M Hanggang ngayon hindi ko nga alam paano ko idedeal eh
400 basta ang kung namimiss ko siya- may sagot ba dapat kung
401 paano ko ideal kasi depende sa tao ehhh … yung ganun lang
402 yung ginagawa ko namimiss ko siya syempre naiisip ko rin
403 siya ang ginagawa ko syempre umaalis ka lumalabas ka uh
404 naglilinis ka ganun lang pero every now and then syempre
405 namimiss mo even if kahit nga hindi asawa eh diba kahit
406 kapatid, lola. (ano pong suporta) uh syempre sinasabi nila
407 yung assurance na nandito lang kami yun kung kailangan mo
408 ng kausap nandito kami (effective po ba?) oo,kung gusto mo
409 lumabas nandito kami, punta tayong baclaran shopping tayo
410 lakd lakd tayo sa glorietta
411 J In terms of moving on po, how would you asses yourself po
412 M Siguro ngayon, parang- kasi nung mga few years ayaw nung
413 anak ko na magasawa ko- ngayon naman siya na yung
414 nagsasabi na bakit di ka nagaasawa para hindi ka naiinip ano
415 yun gagawin mo lang libangan para hindin ako mainip yun
416 yung sagot ko sa kanya sabi niya hindi para may makausap
417 ka- eh kausap lang naman pala marami naman akong
418 pwedeng kausapin eh tapos one time inano niya ako ang sabi
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 111

419 niya talagang ayaw mo magasawa ma? Eh kasi gusto ko


420 marunong din magpiano eh sabi kong ganun. (katulad po ng
421 asawa niyo?) oo eh kasi pianist yung asawa ko eh tapos sabi
422 niya- (marunong din po kayo magpiano?) oo pati yung anak
423 ko. Lately ayaw niya na magasawa ako and then ngayon siya
424 naman yung may gusto ‘talagang ayaw mon a ma?’ ayoko na
425 bakit ba eh 10 years from now magkakasakit nako papaano
426 na yung magiging asawa ko bakit kukuha ka ba ng mas bata
427 sayo sabi niya ng ganun. (sa tingin niyo po ba nakamove on
428 na kayo?) Siguro 70% palang hindi pa complete.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 112

APPENDIX I

Transcript of Interview with Tuesday


Duration: 28 minutes and 08 seconds
Date: August 08, 2018
Location: Makati City
Interviewer: Rebecca Macaraeg (R)
Participant: Tuesday (T)
1 R Good afternoon po, may pipirmahan po kayong consent form po,
2 bago po tayo magsimula, ito po. Ilang taon na po kayo?
3 T 54, magp-55 pa lang kase ako by November.
4 R Educational attainment po, ano po yung natapos ninyo po?
5 T Hindi ako tapos eh, nasa college level lang ako, second year.
6 R Ano pong work ninyo po?
7 T Actually ngayon nasa ano ako, barangay— ahh, social service staff
8 council.
9 R Ilang years na po kayong social service?
10 T Dito? Mag— ano, 1 year and a half.
11 R Ilang years na po kayong married?
12 T Nako 1979 pa, namatay siya 19— 2013.
13 R So, bali 5 years na po siyang patay?
14 T Oo magp-5 years na.
15 R Ilan po yung number of children ninyo?
16 T 6
17 R Ilang taon po yung pinaka bata?
18 T Ahh, mags-17, teka 2001 eh, oo mags-17 siya sa September.
19 R Malapit lang po yung age namin [laughs]. Okay po uhm—
20 T Hindi teka matatapos—17 ka lang?
21 R Ay hindi po 19 po kami.
22 T Ahh.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 113

23 R Saan po siya nag-aaral?


24 T Nagstop kase na-bully diyan sa ATC, ayaw pumasok.
25 R Ahh, okay po, as a widow po ano pong— paano ninyo po mad-
26 describe yung relationship ninyo po sa inyong mga anak po?
27 T Actually hindi kami ganun ka— kase ano eh lumaki sila kase na
28 nagw-work ako before so ang nag-aalaga sa kanila is lola and—
29 nung nag— ahh, siguro 2, dalawa na yung anak ko bago kami
30 nagsettle ng sarili naming bahay. Doon nadagdagan na, pero hindi
31 pa rin ganun ka close kase kapag ka galing ng ano— magw-work
32 kami iniiwan pa rin namin sa lola. Nagkikita lang kami every
33 Saturday-Sunday, kapag wala nang pasok, ayun lang.
34 R Uhm, pwede ninyo po bang ishare yung most memorable events
35 ninyo po sa mga anak ninyo?
36 T Yung most memorable samin— kada merong birthdays tsaka hmm
37 christmas and new year, basta ‘pag ganun lahat kami nanduon, buo
38 ang family.
39 R Naexperience ninyo na po ba yung difficulties po— ano po yung
40 mga difficulties na naexperience ninyo po habang pinapalaki yung
41 mga anak ninyo?
42 T Siguro yung nag-asawa na sila isa isa. Kumbaga, yung iba kase
43 nawala na sakin, wala na sa bahay. Sanay ako lagi na nandun sila
44 kahit na may asawa na, ganun. Nako baka umiyak pa ako [laughs].
45 Wala pa naman akong tissue.
46 R May tissue po kami, ito po.
47 T Salamat, naiiyak na ako kaka-kwento.
48 R Okay na po kayo?
49 T Oo.
50 R Paano po nagbago ang dynamics ng inyong pamilya nung namatay
51 ang iyong asawa po? Naging suporta ninyo po ba ang inyong mga
52 anak po?
53 T Actually kase nung namatay yung asawa ko, andyan na— andyan na
54 sa akin yung panganay ko eh. Kumbaga nakakatulong na namin, so
55 after nung namatay siya yung anak ko na yung gumagastos ng ano—
56 sa kuryente, sa mga bills ganun.
57 R Lalaki po anak ninyo?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 114

58 T Babae panganay, lalaki sumunod. So sila na yung naghahati-hati


59 pero yung support sa mga kapatid kase although isa na lang tong
60 bata— isa na lang yung ano— hindi na— hindi ko na inano sa kanila
61 yung pagpapa-aral. Kumbaga kase dito libre naman di ba? ‘Yun ako
62 na lang lahat ng gumagastos pero yung gastos sa bahay sa kanila
63 lahat yun.
64 R As a single parent po, paano ninyo po na-instill yung disiplina po sa
65 anak ninyo— sa mga anak ninyo po?
66 T Yun ang mahirap kase may— pagdating ng age ng 13 pataas ang
67 hirap na nilang— ang hirap na nilang awatin lalo na sa barkada.
68 R So paano ninyo po ginawa— paano ninyo po—
69 T Actually nung mga unang stage na nasa high school yung, ahh, 3rd
70 year 4th year medyo matigas na yung ulo. Lagi akong namamalo
71 nun pero ngayon hindi na, pinabayaan ko na kase naaawa ako after
72 nabully. Sabi ko, “Sige magpahinga ka muna.”
73 R So nasa bahay lang po—
74 T Nasa bahay lang.
75 R Yung mga relatives ninyo po, naging suporta ninyo po ba nung
76 namatay po yung asawa ninyo?
77 T Siguro nung, ahh, nung time na nakaburol, nalibing, ganun lang.
78 Pero yung after nun- wala. Kami kami lang din.
79 R Paano ninyo po mailalarawan ang iyong relasyon sa inyong mga
80 kamag-anak?
81 T Hindi ganun ka close.
82 R Ano ang mga pinakamasayang kaganapan na kasama ang inyong
83 mga kamag-anak?
84 T Pag reunion lang.
85 R Do you celebrate occasions with your relatives after the loss?
86 T After?
87 R After pong namatay yung asawa ninyo po.
88 T Oo naman. Meron pa rin naman kaming reunion after.
89 T Ahh, ano pong mga occasion po? Puro reunion lang po?
90 R Birthday, reunion, ahh- pag may kasalan, ganun lang.
91 T This year po, meron po ba?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 115

92 T Ahh recently, yung ano lang parang binyagan.


93 R Meron po ba kayong mga hindi komportableng sandali sa mga
94 pagdiriwang na ito?
95 T Meron kase may time na nagkakaron ng away. Di ba hindi
96 maiiwasan yun? Lalo na pag ka nag ka— nung, nung, yung may
97 magkapatid may dating away tas kapag ka nagkita, di mo
98 maiiwasan. Di mo alam kung saan ka kakampi.
99 R Paano ninyo po na lagpasan po?
100 T Wala lang, kumbaga kapag ano sabi ko, “Nasa okasyon tayo, wala
101 naman sigurong ano.”
102 R So kinakausap ninyo lang po?
103 T Kinakausap ko lang.
104 R Pwede ninyo po bang— Maaari po ba kayong magkwento tungkol
105 po sa mga activiries na ginawa ninyo po kasama po ang mga anak
106 ninyo po tsaka kamag-anak ninyo?
107 T Ay ano, yung activities kasama— yung isang anak ko tapos mga
108 apo. Yung dito, Yung palaro dito sa barangay. Meron kaming-
109 anong tawag dun? Kakampi ko tatay ko, yung ibang mga apo ko
110 kasama ko dito, naglaro.
111 R Sa tingin ninyo po ba nakatulong po ‘yun sa mga panahong mahirap
112 para sa inyo?
113 T Oo naman kase kahit papaano eh nailalabas mo yung ibang ano mo
114 na hindi lang puro- pag nasa bahay ka, tahimik, iiyak, ganun. At
115 least nage-enjoy ka kahit nasa labas. Hindi kase kapag nasa bahay
116 ang iniisip mo ano eh ang gulo, makikita mo nakahilata sila lahat
117 tapos ang gulo pa ng mga bata. Walang tigil ang kadadaldal [laughs]
118 pero kapag ka tapos nung maingay okay naman, nanonood ng tv,
119 masaya naman- kulitan.
120 R Yung anim ninyong anak po, kasama ninyo sa bahay po or-?
121 T Hindi, panganay ko lang tsaka yung pangalawa tapos yung bunso,
122 oo.
123 R Nasan po yung—
124 T Yung iba may— napunta lang yung mga apo ko kapag may pasok,
125 pero uuwi yun sa gabi.
126 R Saan po sila nakatira?
127 T Dyan sa Pasay lang, sa kabilang tulay. Tapos yung iba, yung isang
128 anak ko nasa Muntinlupa may sarili sila dun. Yung isa nasa Cavite.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 116

129 R Nagsasama po kayo? Nakiki nagstay po kayo dun sa bahay nila?


130 T Ano, nung nanganak lang yung manugang ko. Mga ilang weeks
131 lang.
132 R Ngayon po kamusta po kalagayan ninyo po, yung health po ninyo?
133 T Yung sakin? Actually meron akong ano eh, mataas lang ang
134 cholesterol ko, yun lang ang- medyo iniingatan ko tsaka yung
135 pananakit ng tuhod. Alam mo na kapag tumatanda, meron nang
136 rayuma [laughs].
137 R Uhm, paano ninyo po dine-deal yung stress ninyo?
138 T Sakin? Pagkamainit ulo ko isang daldal ko lang tapos mamaya maya
139 hihiga na ko. Tutulugan ko lang sila para wala nang ano, tinutulugan
140 ko na lang o kaya nanonood na lang ako ng tv.
141 R Pwede ninyo po bang ishare po yung current relationship ninyo po
142 sa friends ninyo po or colleagues, yung mga katrabaho ninyo po.
143 T Actually sila lang din halos yung nakakapag, ano, nakakapagpatawa
144 sakin, nakakapagpasaya. Hindi naman kase kami yung- yung family
145 na every Sunday kumakain sa labas kase working lahat sila so bihira
146 kami magsama sama pag Sunday. Kasama ko ng Sunday, yung mga
147 bata kapag nagsisimba pero yung mga nanay nila wala, mga parents
148 nila wala. Mga apo lang kasama ko. Nagkakasama lang kami pag
149 Christmas tsaka new year, ‘yan magsisimba. Pero yung gantong
150 walang ano, kami kami lang ng apo ko lagi nasa simbahan.
151

152 R Yung kaibigan ninyo po ganun din?


153 T Oo ganun. Dito kapag nandito ako masaya kami kase walang tigil
154 ang tawanan, kainan.
155 R Ahh so puro kwentuhan po kayo?
156 T Oo kwentuhan.
157 R Kahit po may- I mean, may trabaho po kayo pero after po nun
158 nagsasayahan po kayo?
159 T Oo kase hindi naman maya’t maya may kasong dumadating kase
160 nasa kaso kami eh. Eh yung mga case na may binu- nasa Voisi kase
161 kami eh yung mga violence against women. Yung mga binubuntuan
162 ng asawa, ng mga nagco-complain.
163 R Gaano po kayo kadalas nagkikita ng mga kaibigan ninyo?
164 T Naku halos araw-araw. Tsaka minsan naglalaro kase ako ng
165 badminton, every morning, dito lang.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 117

166 R Pwede ninyo po bang ibahagi ang hindi ninyo pong makalimutang
167 memorya po na kasama ang inyong mga kaibigan? Sila ba ay naging
168 important source of comfort noong ikaw ay nahirapan?
169 T Oo naman, nung time na medyo, bago kase siya namatay may
170 nadiscover kase ako, ‘yun lang. Tas nasabi ko sa mga friends ko
171 about dun tsaka yung dati kong mga classmate nung high school na
172 nagkaron kami ng reunion. Nadiscover ko nagkaron sila ng affair,
173 ‘yun lang. Yun naikwento ko sa kanila yun.
174 R Natural lang pong nangyayari po yung mga naaalala ninyo po. So
175 paano ninyo po dini-deal po yun?
176 T Actually kase pag nasabi ko na sa- pagnapaiyak na ko, nawawala na
177 rin naman eh. Kapag ka nakipagkwentuhan na ko, mamaya maya
178 wala na. Kase ang hirap pag dinibdib mo. Pero meron akong naging
179 experience bago namatay ang asawa ko, kase may isang friends ako
180 na parang na betray ako. Buong magdamag yun, mula gabi na
181 nagfacebook ako hangang umaga after, siguro 24 hours gising ako.
182 Iniyakan ko isang araw tapos kinabukasan wala na. Ganun naman
183 kase ako kapag nagagalit, isang araw lang tapos wala na. Batiin mo
184 lang ako okay na ‘ko.

185 R So kapag sinasabi ninyo po sa mga kaibigan ninyo, nakakatulong po


186 talaga?
187 T Oo kase meron silang sinasabi, meron silang, ahh, kino— inaano rin
188 sa akin na, “Pabayaan mo na yan kase malalaman din naman ni God,
189 kung ano yung mga problema mo. Babalik din naman sayo pag
190 ano.”
191 R Sino pong pinaka pinanghuhugutan ninyo po ng suporta nung
192 panahon na nahirapan po kayo?
193 T Si ano- friend ko kase ano rin siya widow rin. Halos magkasabay
194 kami, ano siya, namatay asawa niya is June/July, ako naman
195 November. Pareho kami naglalaro ng badminton.
196 R Nandito po siya?
197 T Oo nandito- wala siya ngayon, nandun siya sa Pio, dun siya nakatira
198 eh.
199 R Paano po siya naging suporta po sa inyo?
200 T Ano kase halos- minsan sasabihin niya, “Lika labas tayo, alis tayo.”
201 Ganyan, para lang magenjoy kami pareho.
202 R Gumagana po ba?
203 T Oo. Ngam-mall kami, nagb-Baclaran kami, ganun. Wala na?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 118

204 R [laughs] Last page na po. From 1-10 po, paano ninyo po mar-rate
205 yung buhay ninyo po ngayon?
206 T Siguro mga nasa 8.
207 R Paano po-
208 T Pataas ba? pataas?
209 R Opo, 1 po yung lowest, 10 po yung highest.
210 T Nasa 8 kase kumbaga nasa- yung ibang pangarap ko naman kase
211 medyo naging okay na. May hini-hit pa akong isa, tsaka hindi ko
212 naman iniisip yung ano eh, kumabaga sabi ko nga may time naman
213 para sa anak ko, kung gusto niya nang mag-aral o hindi. Inaano ko
214 lang na magpahinga muna siya.
215 R Uhm, paano po nagbago yung life ninyo po- how has your life
216 change as a result of the loss of your spouse?
217 T Alam mo sa totoo lang sasabihin ko sa iyo yung totoo, para akong
218 nakalaya. Kase ano ako eh, ahh, seloso kase yan. Bata pa- bata pa-
219 tinanan kase ako so yung- kung hindi lang ako nagwork, hindi ako
220 makakalabas ng ibang- hindi ako makakarating sa gantong lugar.
221 Kung hindi pa ako magsisinungaling minsan sa kanya na kunwari
222 nasa work ako pero wala nag-gagala kami sa mall nun. Masyadong
223 seloso, kaya hindi ako yung nakakalabas ng pag nasa bahay na ‘ko
224 hindi na ko mapapaalis kase nga nandun— kumbaga may curfew
225 ako. Pagdating ng gabi iba na yung ano ko- iba na yung kaba ko
226 parang pag-uuwi ako laging galit sakin pero hindi siya nananakit.

227 R Nasa bahay lang po siya?


228 T Oo dadatnan ko siya dun pero hindi siya nananakit pero yung tingin
229 niya parang- sabi nga sayo mentally torture ako. Kaya nung namatay
230 siya parang narelease lahat yung- wala nang nakaabang sakin, wala
231 na yung galit na nararamdaman ko, yung mga ganun.
232 R How would you assess your current mental health po?
233 T Mental health? Yung me- ano kase, yung time nga nung nakasama
234 ko siya lagi akong nagiisip pero ngayon hindi na, at least at peace
235 ako.
236 R Pwede ninyo po bang iexplain yung life goals ninyo po before po
237 kayong naging widow?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 119

238 T Bago namatay, ano yung life ko? Actually nung medyo, 5 years
239 before bago siya namatay, nagkaron kami ng seattlement- kase
240 lumayas ako sa bahay eh. Nagkaron kami ng away, pumunta ko sa
241 bahay namin sa Cavite, sa nanay ko. Umuwi lang ako tas sabi ko
242 mags-seattle lang ako kase naaawa ako sa mga bata, kase laging
243 tanong ng tanong na, “Ma, kala ko ba magbabakasyon ka lang,
244 parang ayaw mo nang umuwi.” So sabi ko babalik ako kase naaawa
245 ako dun sa bunso ko. Nagw-work ako, binibitbit ko- 3 years old pa
246 lang, binibitbit ko sa trabaho ko kahit madaling araw. So ginawa ko,
247 ahh, sabi ko, “Ito usapan natin, uuwi ako dito para sa mga bata pero
248 wala nang pakielamanan.” Kase ayoko nung pinapakeelamanan ako.
249

250 R Pero ano po yung goals ninyo po? Yung mga plano ninyo po sa
251 buhay po nung before pa po nawala yung asawa ninyo po?
252 T Wala lang gusto ko lang makapag-work, na may sarili akong money.
253 Kase hindi niya ko binibigyan ng pera sa totoo lang kase yung pera
254 niyang sweldo niya, kumbaga yun ang ginagastos namin sa bahay,
255 pang baon sa mga bata. Pero yung sabihin mong- pahawakin akong
256 sweldo niya- wala. Sarili kong pe- kase ang katwiran niya, may
257 trabaho ako eh, yung pera mo sayo, ‘yun lang.
258 R Pero hindi na po same yung goals ninyo po ngayon?
259 T Hindi na.
260 R Iba na po yung goals ninyo?
261 T Iba na, kumbaga sakin, ahh, makita ko lang maayos ang pamilya ko
262 sa bahay pati mga anak kong lalaki. Kase syempre kahit papaano
263 iniisip ko pag wala diyan sa- matagal na naming hindi nakikita kase
264 nga nasa Cavite hindi- bihira pumunta dito. Iniisip ko pa rin lagi ko
265 na nga lang pinagdadasal na sana nasa okay sila. Kase pareho silang
266 lalaki na wala sa akin eh, yung mga babae okay lang nandito naman.
267 Tatlong lalake, tatlong babae.
268 R Paano ninyo po ide-define yung life ninyo po?
269 T Ngayon? Siguro ano lang, free, kumbaga free sa lahat, kahit saan
270 ako pumunta wala nagbabawal.
271 R Ahh, may freedom na po-
272 T May freedom ako ngayon, oo.
273 R Meron po ba kayong mga shortcomings po as a parent that youre
274 aware of and what do you plan to do with it?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 120

275 T Yung shortcomings ko sa kanila? Yun lang- kase nung time- dati pa
276 o ngayon?
277 R Ngayon po.
278 T Ngayon? Siguro ngayon- ito lang sa high school ko- hindi ko
279 mabigyan ng ano- talagang hindi ko siya mapilit na makapag-aral.
280 Yung goal ko lang is yung makatapos siya. Kase siya na lang ang
281 bunso eh gusto ko naman na makatapos na siya para yun na lang
282 yung ano ko.
283 R Kinakausap ninyo po talaga siya?
284 T Oo, sabi ko, “Kung anong gusto mo-” Kase ina-ano ko siya,
285 tinitingnan ko kung magsasawa siya sa pagiging tambay niya. Kase
286 makakarealize-
287 R Ilang years na po?
288 T Hindi ngayon pa lang naman. Hanga’t marealize niya na “Ay ang
289 hirap pala walang pera, walang baon.” Di ba ganyan, lagi na lang
290 hingi ng hingi. At least nung may baon siya hindi siya ganun ka- na
291 aano sa pera dahil may pera siya eh may allowance siya, eh ngayon
292 wala siyang allowance. Kaya minsan iniisip ko rin, minsan naaawa
293 rin ako pag dadating ako na, “Ma pengeng ganto, pengeng ganyan.”
294 Babae pa naman.
295 R Paano ninyo po made-describe yung parenting styles ninyo po?
296 Yung pan- yung paano ninyo po dinedisip-. Paano ninyo po mad-
297 describe yung pagdisiplina ninyo po?
298 T Hindi ko masabing ano ako eh, yung- malupit, hindi ko naman-
299 although nung una malupit talaga ako kase namamalo ako. Pero
300 ngayon hinahayaan ko na lang muna siya. Kase narealize ko na may
301 age na siya, bawal nang manakit ng bata tsaka isa pa matatandaan
302 niya lahat ng ano di ba? Yung sakit na nadudulot mo so, hinahayaan
303 ko na muna siya maging ganun. Sabi ko nga, dadating din yung time
304 na magbabago yan, magsasabi sa akin.
305 R Naniniwala po ba kayong effec- may effect- effective po yung pagd-
306 disiplina ninyo?
307 T Medyo kase ngayon napapansin ko parang na iinip na siya sa bahay
308 eh. Gusto niya nang pumasok, minsan tinatanong niya mga
309 classmate niya. Sabi ko nga kung, hindi nga lang— di ba sayang ang
310 voucher, dalawang voucher talaga ang nasayang sa amin, hindi niya
311 naisip yun. Pero sabi nga niya gusto na daw niyang magwork. 16 pa
312 lang hindi pa naman pwede yun. Siguro sa mga Jollibee pwede yun.
313
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 121

314 R What could you do to improve your relationship with your child?
315 T Siguro lagi ko na lang kakausapin tsaka lagi kong isasama. Pag may
316 free ako, kailangan lagi kaming lalabas para naman maramdaman
317 niya naman na- kala niya hindi ko siya mahal.
318 R So, tanong ko lang po ulit, how did you deal with your loss po sa
319 husband ninyo? Nung nawala po yung asawa ninyo, paano ninyo po
320 dineal?
321 T Wala simple lang ako, wala. Naisip ko nga nun after ng libing niya
322 tsaka lang parang akong natauhan eh. Bali wala lang pero syempre
323 iniisip ko rin na, kase naman sanay na rin naman yung mga anak ko
324 kahit wala siya eh.
325 R So yung mga tumulong po sa inyo na makapag- macope po sa sarili
326 ninyo po sa nawala po, yung mga kaibigan ninyo po at mga anak
327 ninyo?
328 T Oo, sila lang. Sila lang naman nakapaligid sa akin eh.
329 R Sa tingin ninyo po naging effective po yun?
330 T Oo.
331 R How would you assess yourself, at present, in terms of moving on or
332 coping up with your loss po?
333 T Sinasabi ko nga sa’yo medyo ano na ako, masaya ako kase ma-
334 parang nakalaya na ako sa nakaraan. Nung bata pa nga ako mas
335 gusto ko pang mag-aral eh. Sa totoo lang, kase masarap mag-aral.
336 Lalo na nung high school, di ba nafeel ninyo yun. High school yung
337 pinaka masarap talaga. College, at least may konting saya pero nung
338 tingnan mo— sabi ko nga kung— dati may friend kami nun kahit
339 matanda na nag-aaral pa rin siya kase mas maraming natututunan,
340 mas marami kang ma-aano. Kase nasa Christian world na ‘ko hindi
341 na ako Katoliko, at least nagbibigay kami ng ano.

342 R Umaattend po kayo ng mga parang-


343 T Praise and worship kami sa ano. Masarap, masaya dun ako naka-
344 parang dun ako- narelease lahat sa kanya. Unlike sa Katoliko, kase
345 Katoliko naman hindi ganun ka ano.
346 R Wait lang po, tanong ko lang po, paano po kayo naka-cope in terms
347 of emotional po? Sino po sumuporta po sa inyo? Mga kaibigan
348 ninyo po?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 122

349 T Oo, tsaka ayokong mag-isa. Kapag mag-isa ako malungkot ako buti
350 pa yung marami akong katabi, hindi ako iiyak. ‘Wag lang akong
351 ipagkwentong ganto, talagang iiyak ako [laughs]. Pero kapag may
352 kasama ako, mga friends, hindi ko naiisip wala akong naiisip na
353 mayga- nakaraan, wala. Kapag lang napapakwento- ‘yan sabi ko,
354 “Ayan nanaman tayo.” [laughs] “Iiyak ka nanaman, maaalala mo
355 nanaman.” Pero kapag yung biruan na ano, wala, hindi ko na iisip
356 na- kase kapag iniisip mo papasok sa utak mo, masakit din sa dibdib.
357 Pati mukha mo papanget kase lalaki eyebag mo, ganun lang yun.

358 R Eh sa financial po ninyo, yung kapatid ninyo lang po- sa bahay lang
359 po, yung tumutulong po sa inyo?
360 T Wala, mga ano ko lang din, tsaka ito (anak) na sa work ganun kase
361 wala na akong iniintindi sa bahay, sila lahat. Kumbaga yung sweldo
362 ko nga, sweldo ko lang eh tsaka yung para dun sa bunso ko, ganun.
363 R Ayun lang po, tapos na po. Maraming salamat po.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 123

APPENDIX J

Transcript of Interview with Wednesday


Duration: 17 minutes and 28 seconds
Date: September 15, 2018
Location: Pasay City
Interviewer: Joan Sendico (J)
Participant: Wednesday (W)
1 J Bago po tayo magsimula, papairma ko lang po sa inyo yung consent
2 form po namin, ito po. Ilang taon na po kayo?
3 W 54
4 J Educational attainment po?
5 W College level.
6 J Nagtarabaho po kayo?
7 W Oo
8 J Ano pong trabaho ninyo?
9 W Ahh, legal assistant.
10 J Ano pong ginagawa ninyo dun?
11 W Hmm, nagmo-monitor ng mga hearing ng lawyers, more on legal
12 works, oo.
13 J Ilang taon po kayong kasal?
14 W Ahh, 15 years.
15 J Ilan po yung anak ninyo?
16 W 2
17 J Eh yung pagkabiyuda ninyo po, ilang taon?
18 W 2008 siya namatay, 10 years.
19 J Paano ninyo po made-describe yung relationship ninyo po sa anak
20 ninyo?
21 W Ahh, syempre nung mawala yung asawa ko, syempre yung daughter-
22 mother relationship. Pero ngayong malalaki na, wala, parang
23 magkakapatid na lang kami.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 124

24 J Ilang taon po yung pinaka-bata ninyo po?


25 W 21
26 J Nasa— kasama ninyo pa po sa bahay?
27 W Oo.
28 J Ano po yung relationship ninyo?
29 W Close kami.
30 J Nung dalawa ninyo pong anak?
31 W Oo, parehas na babae.
32 J Pwede po ba kayong magshare ng memorable event kasama yung
33 mga anak ninyo?
34 W Every weekend lumalabas kami, kumakain sa labas basta— every
35 weekend ‘yan automatic.
36 J Nag-aaral pa po ba?
37 W Ahh, pareho na lang silang stop pero kase may problema sila kaya
38 ayaw ko muna, nagstop sila, oo. Actually yung isa lang, problem
39 child, pero matagal na siguro magre-resume siya ng pag-aaral niya
40 after ano— after this year, oo.
41 J Pwede po ba kayong magshare ng difficulties sa pagpapalaki sa mga
42 anak ninyo po?
43 W Syempre financial dahil isa lang ako nagp-provide sa kanila, sweldo
44 lang nun— kase nung mamatay ang asawa ko, second year high
45 school ang panganay ko, eh dito pa sa St. Mary’s so talgang
46 mahirap. Actually, ganun din naman almost yearly naman— yun
47 naman talagang ang nagiging problema kase single parent so
48 financial. The most ‘yun ang pinaka problema, more than that wala
49 na.
50 J Paano po nagbago yung family dynamics ninyo nung namatay po
51 yung asawa ninyo?
52 W Ahh, syempre hindi na kami— unlike before na nagre-rely kami sa
53 kanya. Nagyon, we have to do our own.
54 J Naging suporta po ba yung children ninyo?
55 W Oo, supportive naman sila.
56 J Paano po naging suporta?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 125

57 W Uhm, like nung kamamatay lang ng father nila, ahh yung mga bagay
58 na makakaalala sakin about sa father nila, as much as possible ina-
59 avoid nilang gawin specially sa radio, ina-avoid nilang buksan.
60 Yung mga ganun.
61 J As a single parent po, paano ninyo po dinidisiplina yung mga anak
62 ninyo po?
63 W Hmm, sigur— madalas ko silang sabihan at saka hindi naman kase
64 sila matitigas ang ulo. Mga homebody naman sila kaya hindi ako
65 masyadong nahirapan.
66 J Hindi po makulit?
67 W Hindi [laughs].
68 J Naging source of support ninyo po ba yung mga relatives ninyo?
69 W Hmm, oo.
70 J Paano po?
71 W Uhm, adjustment— sa adjustment period nung kamamatay lang and
72 then kinakausap ako. Siguro konting financial yes, oo.
73 J Eh yung in laws ninyo naman po?
74 W Hindi eh kase malayo ako sa in laws ko eh. Sa side ko yung close
75 ko.
76 J Paano ninyo po made-describe yung bond ninyo po sa relative
77 ninyo?
78 W Ahh, magkakalapit kami ng bahay actually. Magkakatabi yung
79 bahay namin, so close kami. Everyday magkakasama kami, tapos
80 ayun minsan nagto-tong-its, mga ganung moments [laughs].
81 J Dito lang po kayo nakatira?
82 W Oo dyan sa M. Dela Cruz, oo.
83 J Pwede po ba kayong magshare ng best events ninyo po with
84 relatives?
85 W Hmm, everytime na may birthday, ako nagluluto. And then kapag ka
86 graduation ng mga anak nila, minsan ako ang uma-attend, yung mga
87 ganun.
88 J Eh nung namatay po yung asawa ninyo, nagc-celebrate pa rin po ba
89 kayo ng mga occasions with relatives?
90 W Nung first 2 years hindi. Like, Christmas, we don’t have Christmas
91 [laughs].
92 J Bakit po?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 126

93 W Ayaw namin [laughs], ayaw lang namin. Siguro naghahanta lang ng


94 food, pero yung decorations, wala.
95 J After po nung 2 years?
96 W Medyo nakaka-cope up na kami.
97 J Ano pa pong occasions?
98 W Nung birthday ng anak ko, nung debut niya actually sinelebrate
99 naman namin kahit wala na yung father niya.
100 J Meron po bang awkward moments sa mga occasion na yun?
101 W Yung debut ng anak ko siguro yung pinaka-awkward moment yung
102 walang tatay. Ako lang ang lahat, ako ang nagsalita, ako ang
103 nagluto, ako lahat sa preparations.
104 J Paano po kayo nagd-deal sa mga awkward moments na ‘yun? Ano
105 pong ginawa ninyo?
106 W Wala basta magtrabaho lang ako tas sinabi ko lang sa— actually ano
107 kase yun, uhm parang surprise so parang kinontsaba ko na yung
108 anak ko na siya yung— sabihin niya na walang handa so kunwari
109 papauwiin niya na pero ready na lahat [laughs].
110 J Can you talk about po sa mga activities that you engage with your
111 children and relatives po?
112 W During birthdays lang, Christmas, new year, ‘yan.
113 J Sa tingin ninyo po ba nakatulong po yun sa inyo during your
114 difficult phase po?
115 W Oo naman, oo para makamove on, yes.
116 J How often do you get together po?
117 W Yun kapag new year, nag-get together kami. Yung mga kapatid ko,
118 family nila.
119 J So, once a year lang po?
120 W Ano, birthdays, mga ganun mga anak nila tsaka may mga konting
121 inuman sila, ganun— sama sama kami.
122 J Ano pong naf-feel ninyo sa mga activities na ‘yun?
123 W Nakaka-ano naman, masaya naman, oo. Hindi ko na naaalala kung
124 ano man yung nangayari sa akin before.
125 J Ano po yung mga adjustment yung napagdaanan ninyo?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 127

126 W Ahh, nung mawala yung asawa ko? Siguro yung trabaho niya na
127 siya yung magmonitor ng mga anak, so ako na yun. Ako na rin yung
128 lahat ng gastusin unlike before hati kami so lahat ako yun. Yung on
129 how to handle problema sa bata, ako lahat [laughs]. So, ayun yung
130 naging adjustments ko until now.
131 J Kamusta naman po yung health ninyo?
132 W Ahh, sa ngayon wala akong sakit pero minsan nararamdaman ko—
133 ito, ito lang. Tuhod lang pero so far okay ako.
134 J Paano po kayo nagd-deal sa stress?
135 W Sa stress, kapag ka medyo stress ako lalo na sa trabaho, ahh,
136 nakikipagkwentuhan lang ako sa mga ka-officemate ko. Nirerelease
137 ko lang kung ano yung mga ayokong mangyari the day, for the day.
138 J Nakikipag-kwentuhan lang po kayo?
139 W Oo.
140 J Eh, kapag sa ano ninyo naman po, sa kaibigan ninyo at mga
141 katrabaho, paano ninyo po mad-describe yung relationship ninyo?
142 W Ahh, close kami. Minsan, nago-out of town kami, out of the country
143 ayan. Actually, sagot naman ng kompaniya [laughs].
144 J Ganun ninyo po mad-describe yung bond ninyo po sa kanila?
145 W Oo.
146 J How often do you get together po?
147 W Ahh, sa isang buwan siguro thrice. Thrice a month kase masyadong
148 busy lahat eh.
149 J Paano po— ano pong ginagawa ninyo?
150 W Nagb-bar kami, ganyan [laughs].
151 J Pwede po ba kayong magshare ng memorable bonding experience
152 with your friends po?
153 W Ahh nung nagpunta kami ng Vietnam tsaka Malaysia, ayun.
154 Kumbaga magkakasama kami from morning— 3 days kami
155 magkakasama.
156 J Ilan po kayo?
157 W 17
158 J Ano pong ginawa ninyo dun?
159 W Wala lang basta’t namasyal lang ng namasyal, oo. Pero kase, ahh,
160 sagot ng kompanya yun, oo.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 128

161 J Eh yung friends ninyo po, ahh, naging important source of


162 support—comfort po ba sila nung namatay yung—
163 W Oo.
164 J Paano po sila naging—
165 W Ahh, binibisita nila ako sa bahay tapos minsan niyayaya nila ako
166 lumabas. Nung time na ‘yun, between 2008 hangang 2010, oo.
167 J Natural lang pong maalala ninyo po yung asawa ninyo—
168 W Oo naman.
169 J Pa—
170 W Kapag nakakarinig ako ng kanta, yung mga ganun, oo.
171 J Paano ninyo po— ano pong ginagawa ninyo?
172 W Wala lang, iniisip ko lang yung mga good memories. Tapos after the
173 song wala na, tapos na rin [laughs] okay na ‘ko.
174 J Eh, kinukwento ninyo po ba sa iba yung mga saloobin ninyo about
175 po sa asawa ninyo?
176 W Oo, lalo na pagka may instances na parang similar sa buhay nila, oo
177 kinukwento ko basta’t may mga ganung moment.
178 J Effective po ba ‘yun? Nakakatulong po?
179 W Oo, oo. Parang- parang, wala lang parang ang dating lang eh normal
180 na sa akin ngayon na— unlike before na kapag nagk-kwento ako
181 about sa husband ko, umiiyak ako. Pero ngayon hindi na, parang
182 normal na siya na para sakin nakakatulong din ‘to sa pinagk-
183 kwentuhan ko na, “Ahh, oo ganyan ang husband ko.”
184 J Sino po yung biggest support ninyo po during your difficult phase?
185 W Ahh, mga anak ko, oo.
186 J Paano po sila naging—
187 W Never nila akong iniwan, kapag nasa— after ng work, nasa bahay
188 ako, hindi sila umaalis nasa tabi ko lang sila atsaka tinatabihan nila
189 ako sa tulog [laughs]. Dinadamayan nila ako.
190 J Kung ir-rate ninyo po yung buhay ninyo ngayon, 1 yung lowest 10
191 yung highest, ano po yung rating ninyo? Yung quality po ng buhay
192 ninyo.
193 W Hmm, siguro nasa 7.
194 J Bakit po 7?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 129

195 W Ahh, ba’t hindi perfect? [laughs] Kase hindi pa naman— kumbaga
196 tama lang na nabibilan ko ng gusto yung mga anak ko, nakakakain
197 kami more than 3 times a day, tsaka masaya naman kami pero hindi
198 ganun kaperfect kase kumbaga hindi pa naman nagwo-work—
199 nagwo-work na yung isa per kumbaga para sa kanya lang. So yung
200 sa buhay namin, ako pa rin, oo.
201 J Paano po nagbago yung buhay ninyo nung namatay po yung asawa
202 ninyo?
203 W Ahh, malaki kase ako lahat eh. Talagang— kase kapag nawala yung
204 asawa mo talagang kalahati ng buhay mo ang nawala, oo.
205 J Eh, yung mental health ninyo po, paano ninyo po maa-asses?
206 W Uhm, mental health siguro sa ngayon, siguro sa ratio ng ano nasa 7
207 din, oo.
208 J Bakit po?
209 W Masaya, malungkot, ganun, pala isip kase sa trabaho din kase, part
210 ng ano siguro.
211 J Pero masaya po ba kayo o malungkot?
212 W Masaya, oo masaya.
213 J Pwede ninyo po bang i-explain yung goals ninyo po before po kayo
214 naging byuda?
215 W Ahh, yung goals ko nun, gusto kong bumili ng bahay para sa
216 pamilya ko, ahh— actually yun ang dream kase naming mag-asawa
217 plus, ah, kung mag-invest ng business para sa husband ko.
218 J Same po ba hangang ngayon? O nagbago na po?
219 W Ay nagbago na, hindi na [laughs].
220 J Paano po nagbago?
221 W Parang, ang goal ko na lang siguro kung makakapag-invest ako para
222 na lang sa mga anak ko, out na ako kase kung baga hindi ko na rin
223 inanbisyon yun kase wala na akong kahati sa buhay, lahat para sa
224 kanila na lang, oo.
225 J Ano na po yung goals ninyo ngayon?
226 W Ayun, maiwanan ko sila ng— matapos nila ang pag-aaral nila,
227 actually. Ayun lang naman ang maiiwan ko sa kanila eh [laughs].
228 J Paano ninyo po mad-define yung buhay ninyo po ngayon?
229 W Ahh, hindi— nasa tama lang, hindi perfect hindi naman masama.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 130

230 J Bilang parent po, mayroon po ba ayong shortcomings na aware


231 kayo?
232 W Oo, yung, siguro yung time na wala, hindi 100% yung time ko sa
233 kanila kase from 8:30 to minsan 8:00 ng gabi nasa office ako. So,
234 time kase marami akong trabaho talagang puro work kase more on
235 paper works ako eh.
236 J Paano po kayo nakabawi sa kanila?
237 W Ahh, actually sila ang naga-adjust kaya nga pag-weekend lumalabas
238 kami. ‘Yun yung pinaka ano ko, payback time [laughs].
239 J Yung parenting styles ninyo po, paano ninyo po mad-describe?
240 W Ahh, siguro hindi— parang magkapatid lang kase kami eh. So,
241 normal, parang magkakaibigan, ganun lang.
242 J Hindi po kayo strict?
243 W Hin— ahh, strict siguro sa- pagdating sa gabi na ayoko ng inaabot
244 sila ng 12 o 1 o’clock, ganun lang.
245 J So lenient po kayo?
246 W Oo, oo, oo, hindi ako ganun yung sabihin mong bawal ang
247 barkada— hindi, okay lang sakin. Well, as long as kilala ko kaibigan
248 nila atsaka nasa tamang oras siya nauwi ng bahay.
249 J Effective po ba ‘yun? Sa tingin ninyo?
250 W Oo, hindi nagre-rebelde. Kaya nga sabi ng kapit bahay namin,
251 “Paano mo pinapalaki yang anak mo kase hindi sila rebelde tsaka
252 lagi silang nasa bahay lang talaga?”
253 J Kung tatanungin ko po kayo, paano ninyo po mai-improve yung
254 relationship ninyo po with your children?
255 W Ahh, siguro yung intindihin lang sila, oo. Kung ano yung gusto nila,
256 basta’t alam kong tama naman yung gusto nila, walang problema sa
257 akin.
258 J In terms of moving on po, kayo po, naka-move on na po ba kayo?
259 W Oo, move on na ako. Sa asawa ko? Move on na ako.
260 J Pwede po bang iexplain ninyo po?
261 W Paano ako nakamove on? Ayun nga, ahh, iniwasan ko muna yung
262 place na pinupuntahan namin before, iniiwasan ko yung mga songs
263 tapos nagbo-bonding ako pati mga anak ko, sa mga kapatid ko, sa
264 kaibigan ko atsaka more on work. Ayun, yun ang— kaya ako
265 nakamove on.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 131

266 J Okay na po kayo ngayon?


267 W Oo, totally move on na.
J Ayun lang po yung mga tanong namin maraming salamat po.
268
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 132

APPENDIX K
Transcript of Interview with Thursday
Duration: 24 minutes and 6 seconds
Date: September 14, 2018
Location: Makati City
Interviewer: Rebecca Macaraeg (R)
Interviewee: Thursday (TH)
1 R How would you describe your Relationship with your children
2 TH Well as far as I know im close to the kids I see all of their needs-
close I think
3 R Can you share the most memorable events with them
4 TH Uhh memorable.. graduation there was this one time na uhm the
5 eldest graduated from highschool, si alex 2nd graduted from- in one
6 year ah- graduated from grade 6 and then siya(ejay) sa nursery so that
7 one, in one year they graduated all at the same time and then we went
8 to somewhere out of the country as a celebration
9 R Did you experience difficulties raising your children?
10 TH Yes ofcourse.. difficulties.. yeah oo.. uhm at times actually with this
11 one ‘cos when i gave birth to her it was like on me waking up in the
12 middle of the night ofcourse with the little help from lolo pero most of
13 the time its me then I have to go to work then I have to be you know
14 that one for her ah uhm difficulties ano pa.. expenses actually. There
15 are times na I don’t know where to get money anymore ano its like
16 this is the- so much money that I have they have to buy stuff for
17 children pero somehow I still got by ewan ko kung paano I don’t
know how I did it pero yun expenses , school activities ayan
18 R How did your family dynamic change
19 TH Yes pretty much. Especially when I lost my husband, I was pregnant
20 with ejay so I told myself theres no room for me sulk sob cry and ano
21 sabi ko theres no choice for me but to move on and just you know do
22 what im supposed to do as a mom and a dad already parang ganun. So
23 everything its all on me, ofcourse with the little help from family and
24 siblings pero it was just me bringing up the children
25 R How do you Instill discipline with your children
26 TH Haaaa…. Well… well when I started becoming a single parent
27 actually its not really that ano anymore, im not really that strict when
28 it comes to like- before when my husband was around uhm during
29 dinner time or lunch time ano no softdrinks at all parang ganun so
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 133

30 when he was gone parang I cannot uhm –what you call this uhh-
31 parang how do you say it- I cannot do that anymore I cannot like
32 check on them oh no softdrinks ah no like this because they were left
33 with the yaya and all parang ganun. Discipline, when going out with
34 friends I have to know where they are where they’re going parang
35 every time, even now when theyre all grown up ganun parin. You let
36 me know where youre going where youre staying if youre not going
37 to sleep in the house okay lang with me, basta you let me know
parang I should know everything parang ganun
38 R Were your relatives a source of support
39 TH Yes my my parents my siblings even my in-laws my mother-in-law
40 my- all of them. Up until now may support parin from them
41 R How would you describe your bond with your relatives
42 TH When you say relatives, that would mean? (sa side niyo po) sa side
43 ko. Close, very close
44 R Best events with relatives
45 TH Best events… hmm birthdays yeah birthday. Just recently we had the
46 birthday of her lola so we all come together for birthdays of the oldies
actually
47 R Celebrate special occasions with relatives
48 TH Yeah mhmm uhm same.what activities what (special occasions po)
49 occasions uh Christmas uh actually ang Christmas uhm even b- when
50 my husband was around, we celebrate Christmas even with my side of
51 the family and then Christmas day sa kanya but since his parents left
52 for the states so christmas eve with my family and Christmas day, just
us and the kids ‘wala pa to’
53 R Awkward moments
54 TH Ofcourse there are, a lot of awkward moments syempre everybody’s
55 there, complete uhm the dad the mom the kids. Ako, I- syempre I like
56 that for my children also diba. Awkward. How do I deal with it? Uh
57 wala lang, I just keep quiet, just look around parang its all in me
parang for me nalang to ano
58 R Activities u engage with children
59 TH Activities with the kids… ano bang activities… well there are times
60 na we go out as a family like uhm go out of town and to their ‘have u
61 ever gone to the beach with the lola’ yeah subic, para naman the kids
62 would feel na its not just us parang they still have family they would
63 be with us during those times- support from them (how often po) how
64 often , before- every summer or may times na pag Christmas, they
65 would go out- Summer no- summer. So Once a year with the ano but
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 134

66 lately, not as much so what we have right now would be birthdays to


celebrate nalang
67 R How did you feel during
68 TH Very happy ofcourse, it’s a way of you know forgetting whatever
69 forgetting the sad moments as long as youre with family also friends
70 diba they give you support, moral support they make you happy
71 R The changes or adjustments you went through
72 TH Oh.. a lot.. what are the adjustments uhm syempre financially I had to
73 really- im not very good at budgeting and everything so I had to do
74 that so its just me my salary and ofcoure the pension I get that’s a
75 major adjustment for me and doing everything. Thinking of where to
76 send my kids to school parang ganun, its all me its all- parang you
77 don’t have anyone to talk to oh saan na isesend na school ang kids or
78 what parang like that so uhm actually I learned how to drive even
79 before my husband died kasi he was like preparing me, he’s a pilot
80 kasi sabi niya oh ikaw you have to learn to drive para if he’s away I’d
81 be driving myself going from work at times maybe pick up the kids
82 from school that’s it. Adjustment, I had to be more responsible and
83 have a sound mind kasi these are kids that we’re talking about diba
84 either development and their depend- actually ano so parang kasi if
85 you have a partner you make pacute and everything oh you do this
86 parang you depend so much on the ano on the- your partner pero now
87 wala na, the kids depend on me so I have to be- to show them im
88 strong even if at times na its difficult pero ngayon I tell them hee I
mean now they understand more but when they were kids syempre
hindi nila alam yun so you had to be strong that the main ano
89 R Health
90 TH Illness no none naman, a few ano but its not life threatening… colds
91 here there and a few cyst there not really ano
92 R How do u deal with stress
93 TH Destressing.. actually now, I have- I watch my once upon a time just
94 recently so im oon my third season already para to relax diba parang
95 once upon a time parang fantasy ano yan diba. I watch movies to
96 destress. Hang out with friends and drink sometimes.
97 R Do u consider it helpful
98 TH Well, a little really pero ano kasi stress comes from you eh parang
99 ikaw din yun eh so- well pwede na oo
100 R Current relationship with friends and colleagues
101 TH As in a scale of 1-10 friends… mga 8
102 R Describe your bond with your friends
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 135

103 TH Uh oo ganun lang din, sa office we’re okay naman kasi actually im
104 working with younger people now. Okay naman sila. My friends, I
105 haven’t seen them in awhile but we communicate through messenger
106 we have this group sa messenger, we still get in touch
107 R How often
108 TH The last time I went out with my friends, just go out to have coffee
109 and it was- tagal na ata nun yeah it was a long time ago kasi we got
110 separated already eh we used to work in one branch but they got
111 transferred, the others are in the provinces and they get start getting
112 marries and have kids so not as often anymore. The last time I
113 remember is we went to Pampanga to visit one of our friends parang
yun yung bonding time namin with them. Pero lately wala na.
114 R Memorable bonding? Source of comfort
115 TH Well actually when we’re talking about the difficult period, that was
116 before pa diba. This circle of friends that I have right now, we don’t
117 really talk much about that anymore so with my friends before, I
118 would say hmmm ano ba parang what did we do,; maybe the same
119 thing, we would go out pero ako kasi before when it was new parang I
120 didn’t want to go out that much kasi parang sabi ko I have to be with
121 the kids, check on the kids, I had to be with them so when my
122 husband died I- and the kids were still small I wouldn’t go out as
123 much so- what was your question again? (have they been an important
124 source of comfort?) yeah, I can talk with my friends when I feel sad
125 and ano i- I talk to them pero most of the time, I just keep it to myself
126 parang not really open open to them or ano I call them I tell them like
127 this like that, when we go out, we get to talk about it pero I don’t go
out with to talk abaout it, its not just the main reason why we go out.
128 R Natural to remember
129 TH How do I deal with it… I just think of the happy memories you had
130 with him and that’s the things that’s gonna get you through actually
131 R Do you share
132 TH No
133 R Biggest support
134 TH Biggest support… my family
135 R In what way po
136 TH Uhm hmm in everything, financially emotionally they’re there parang
137 they find a way for you not to think about it much what happened
138 parang if you’re there in one they wouldn’t allow you to be alone so
139 you wont think about what happened
140 R 1-10 quality of life
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 136

141 TH 1-10 hmm 8 kasi there are still a few things that I’d like to do for
142 myself and my kids that I haven’t done yet but so far if its- if I don’t
143 get that parang okay lang if I can parang I want parang ganun
144 R How has your life changed
145 TH I know I was always a strong person. I’m a lot stronger I guess siguro
146 that’s why it was given to because im a strong person
147 R Current mental health
148 TH Uhm stable
149 R Life goals
150 TH Yes.. personal? My personal life goals… changed a little I guess
151 because I don’t have my husband with me but in terms of all I want is
152 my kids is to be able to finish school have a good education. Its
153 actually still the same its not really for myself kasi once you get
154 married and you have kids; as a mom, you don’t think that as much of
155 yourself anymore so its more for the children, if theyre okay theyre
happy that goes through with me also parang okay na with me
156 R Define life
157 TH In one word *laugh* uhm very okay.. two words yun
158 R Shortcomings
159 TH I don’t have to be specific but yes there are shortcomings. How do I
160 deal with it? I- uhm well even if I did something not good then I’ll try
161 to revert it and make it- try to make up for it for not doing whatever
im not supposed to do
162 R Parenting style
163 TH Not to be too strict or but then you set boundaries parin kasi my kids
164 ask me mom can I go to this and that yes pero what I said earlier, I
165 had to know everything and if you say you come home at this time
166 youre supposed to be the house at this time if you cannot be at the
167 house at this time, you have to let me know what time and why. I
168 think its well- working out with the kids so its effective its not like im
169 pulling them in the neck you stay here you’d be with me parang
ganun pero yeah
170 R What could you do to improve your relationship with your child?
171 TH Actually, *laugh* I think they would all agree to be ano siguro to be
172 less masungit bakit nga ba why do I do that because sometimes when
173 I don’t uhm when they don’t do things my way parang wala it gets to
174 me right away parang ganun so uh ewan ko
175 R Who are the people who help you deal with it
176 TH Family and friends all sorts of support from
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 137

177 R How would you assess yourself at present in terms of moving on with
178 loss
179 TH I’ve moved on. You move on but you don’t forget ofcourse
180 diba*laugh* move on kasi ewan ko everybody deserves a second
181 chance in happiness although pag wala okay lang din because I really
182 didn’t go out of my way to find what is I have right now so if its
183 there, meaning its meant for me so thank you moved on without
184 forgetting.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 138

APPENDIX L

Transcript of Interview with Friday


Duration: 26 minutes and 25 seconds
Date: September 16, 2018
Location: Makati City
Interviewer: Rebecca Macaraeg (R)
Participant: Friday (F)
1 R Bago po tayo magsimula, basahin ninyo po muna yung consent
2 form, ito po. Ano pong age ninyo po?
3 F Ahh, 53.
4 R Educational attainment po?
5 F College level.
6 R Employed po ba kayo or unemployed?
7 F Before, OFW ako, ahh, I just arrived here last January 10, 2018.
8 R Ano po yung work status ninyo?
9 F Domestic helper, before.
10 R Ngayon po?
11 F Ngayon, babysitter.
12 R Eh ilang taon na po kayo kasal?
13 F Years of marriage? Ano, ahh, 24 years.
14 R Number of children po?
15 F 3
16 R Ilang taon na po kayong widowed?
17 F Ahh, 1 year pa lang.
18 R Um, as a widow po paano ninyo po mad-describe yung relationship
19 ninyo po sa children ninyo?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 139

20 F Ahh, ano, ako yung tumatayong, bali, ako na yung nagg-guide,


21 although malalaki na sila, syempre kailangan pa rin ng nanay. So,
22 ako yung nag-aano sa kanila, nagp-push na magsimba sila, na ‘wag
23 malululong sa mga drugs, tapos sa, uuwi ng hating gabi. Atsaka the
24 most important, kailangan ‘wag makakalimot magpasalamat kay
25 Lord.
26 R Pwede ninyo po bang i-share yung most memorable events ninyo po
27 with your children?
28 F Ahh, yung most memorable namin, ‘yun nung nagkaroon kami nang
29 bonding, nung nabubuhay pa yung husband ko, although the
30 separate ako before, nagkaroon kami ng bonding time nung 2016,
31 kumain kami diyan sa KFC Makati Square, oo ‘yun.
32 R Ilang taon na po yung pinakabata ninyo pong anak?
33 F 22
34 R Sa inyo pa rin po ba siya?
35 F Oo, sa akin nakatira pero ano siya, hindi ko siya pinakasal.
36 R Mayroong trabaho na po?
37 F Oo meron siyang trabaho ngayon sa Shakey’s sa Terminal 3.
38 R Ahh, did you experience difficulty in raising your children po?
39 Pwedeng pa-explain po.
40 F Ahh, yung difficulties ko? Yung difficulties ko, kumbaga sa pasang
41 krus ko, ang pinakapasang krus ko itong anak kong bunso. Kase, ano
42 siya, pasaway siya, pagkatapos, lumalaban siya sakin. Tapos, ano
43 siya, palaging galit pagdating sa amin. Kase dahil siguro sa mga
44 friends niya na taga-Pasay. ‘Yun ang pasang krus ko sa buhay ko
45 talaga, ‘yun lang.
46 R Yung bunso ninyo po lalaki?
47 F Yung bunso ko babae.
48 R Ahh, how did your family dynamics po changed when your husband
49 died?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 140

50 F Ahh, nung last year kase nasa Dubai ako, although na separate nga
51 ako, sinabi ko before di ba? Ahh, ako yung tumatayong nanay. Yung
52 lalaki ko kase ‘yun, katulong ako ng kapatid ko nagpapa-aral. Kase
53 maliit lang ang sweldo ng domestic, tapos hindi na nga siya
54 nagtrabaho, nag-asawa na siya. Tapos ano, ganun din nung namatay
55 yung asawa ko kase masakit sakin, pero yung sabihin mo na, hindi
56 kase siya natulong sa akin na mag-ano ng financial expenses, ako
57 lahat. Kaya yung sinu-sweldo ko, halimba 13,000, pinadadala ko sa
58 mother ko is —ahh— 10,000 para sa kanilang pang-gastos. Kase
59 before yung anak kong bunso nakahiwalay sa akin, eh ngayon
60 kinuha ko na ulit.

61 R Naging suporta po ba yung mga anak ninyo po? Paaano po?


62 F Yung lalaki ko, kase yung anak kong isa, yung panganay ko, anak
63 ko ‘yun sa una. Bali, ang anak ko sa, dito sa pangalawa ko yung
64 dalawa ko, yung lalaki ko tsaka yung babae. Yung supportive sa
65 akin yung lalaki ko, yung mapag-alala siya sa akin.
66 R Yung pangalawa po?
67 F Oo, oo.
68 R As a single parent po, paano ninyo po dinisiplina yung mga anak
69 ninyo po?
70 F Yun nga sabi ko nga na, ano, na magsisimba sila. ‘Wag silang
71 makakalimot kase ‘yun ang pinaka, ano sa akin bilang nanay, pinaka
72 maganda kong sinasabi sa anak kong lalaki tsaka dun sa babae ko,
73 pero yung babae ko, hindi siya nagsisimba, bibihira.
74 R Yung relatives ninyo po, naging source of support po ba sila sa
75 inyo?
76 F Ay, oo, lalong lalo na yung nanay ko. Kase ‘dyan kami nakatira sa
77 nanay ko, kung wala ang nanay ko siguro wala kaming bahay tapos
78 syempre tumutulong din siya paminsan minsan sa pambili ng
79 pagkain tapos yung panganay ko, ayun —ahh— lagi kaming
80 nagkakaroon ng communication ng anak kong panganay. Moral
81 support din.
82 R Uhm, how would you describe po yung bond niyo with relatives?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 141

83 F Ahh, kami, kase yung anak kong panganay sa Nuvali yun.


84 Nagkakaroon lang kami ng bonding pag yung minsan pupunta kami
85 dun kase ang laki ng pamasahe. Pupunta kami dun, ayun, katuwaan,
86 minsan dito sila pupunta sa Makati, may kotse kase sila, ayan, dito
87 yung biruan, kwentuhan. Tapos yung kapatid ko naman, siya lang
88 kase yung family niya nasa better living. So yung kapatid ko, lalo na
89 kapag yung araw ng patay, birthday ng daddy ko, yung death
90 anniversary niya, ‘yan kumakain kami sa labas ng kapatid ko kase
91 dalawa lang kaming magkapatid eh, ako ang panganay.

92 R Yung ano po, yung best events niyo po sa relatives ninyo, pwede
93 ninyo po bang i-share?
94 F Ahh, yung kase, 14 years akong naga-abroad, ang pinaka best events
95 namin eh nung umuwi ako nung 2016, December. Doon kami nag-
96 Christmas sa better living sa anak ko, sa panganay ko.
97 R Do you celebrate po special occasions with your relatives after po
98 nung mawala nung asawa ninyo?
99 F Ano, hindi last year lang siya, last year lang namatay so nasa Dubai
100 pa ako nun, ngayon pa lang ako magc-Christmas sa Philippines.
101 R Ahh, pwede ninyo po bang i-share yung activities that you engage in
102 with your children and relatives?
103 F Ahh, ito yung sakin, ngayon. Kase yung anak ko nanganak, yung
104 panganay. So ngayon, ahh, ano siya, na-eclampsia, so biniyak siya
105 nung August 28, nandun kami nung nanay ko. Hindi namin siya
106 pinababayaan magdasal kase alam mo yung eclampsia, nakakamatay
107 yun. So dun kami nagp-pray kami lagi ng nanay ko para sa anak ko.
108 So nung nanganak siya nung 28, nandun ako bago pinasok yung
109 anak ko DR, pinag-pray ko siya, hinilutan ko siya ng healing oil para
110 maghimala si Lord. ‘Yun awa ng Diyos nakaraos tapos yung apo ko
111 nasa incubator siya, after that syempre nasa incuba— 8 months kase
112 yung baby, premature. After that, nung nasa incubator si baby, pray
113 pa rin kami kase hindi namin alam kung mabubuhay silang dalawa.
114 So, alam mo sa awa ng Diyos talaga, napakabait talaga ng bata,
115 lalabas na siya tomorrow. Ang bait talaga ni Lord kase charismatic
116 ako eh, ang mommy ko maraming activities sa church, talagang
117 napakabait ni Lord talaga yun ang malaking blessing sa amin. Kaya
118 dun kami nagb-bonding sa hospital
119

120 R Saan pong hospital?


PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 142

121 F Sa Calamba Medical Center, tapos yung kapatid ko naman, kase


122 busy siya lagi, lagi siyang out of the country, so hindi kami
123 nagkakaroon ng activities, nung nagkarron lang kami pala ng
124 bonding nung kapatid ko August 14, nung birthday niya, ayun.
125 R Naging helpful po ba nung nawala yung asawa niyo?
126 F Yung asawa ko? Mas maganda kase yung asaw ko iresponsable yun
127 eh, parang ano, parang sumaya kami pero syempre masakit din sa
128 sakin kayalang parang nawala na yung sa mga anak ko.
129 R Anong buwan po namatay yung asawa ninyo?
130 F September 5, 2017, last year lang, oo September 5.
131 R Ano pong nafefeel ninyo po kapag kasama ninyo sa mga activities
132 yung mga anak ninyo po? Kahit this year lang po.
133 F Syempre ano, kaya siguro pina-uwi na ko ni Lord kase may will nga
134 ako, yun nga panganay kong anak tsaka tong bunso ko, masaya ako
135 pinanglilingkuran ko sila kahit pagod ako sa trabaho, masaya ako,
136 masaya kaysa sa ibang bansa.
137 R After pong mawala nung asawa ninyo, ano po yung mga changes or
138 adjustments na naranasan ninyo po?
139 F Ahh, ang changes ko yung ano, yung changes. Ahh, ako yung ano,
140 ako yung tumatayong— kapag may problema yung anak kong
141 lalaki, kase dati kay papa niya siya nagsasabi, so ako na yung
142 sumusuporta sa kanya tapos yung tungkol naman sa activities kase
143 basketball player yung anak ko, dati papa niya yung kasama niya.
144 So, ngayon paminsan ako kung hindi ako pagod, ayun lang.
145 R Ngayon po, kamusta po health ninyo po?
146 F Ako, sa ngayon ah, may sakit ako eh, inuubo ako kase yung
147 inaalagaan kong 4 years old na bata, kapag umuubo siya tinatapat
148 niya sa face ko kase makulit eh, 4 years— inuubo ako. Pero
149 hypertension ako, mataas colesterol ko, ayun lang sakit ko pero so
150 far naman awa ng Diyos di naman nasakit— di naman nasakit yung
151 dito ko kase alam ko kapag high blood ako sumasakit yung batok ko
152 pero so far wala.
153 R How do you deal with stress po, what do you consider helpful in
154 dealing with stress?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 143

155 F Ahh, yung sa stress naman, kung sa stress grabe yung stress talaga
156 kaya nga tumanda ako dito. Alam mo dati hindi ako palasimba, hindi
157 ako marunong magrosaryo, dati akong Born Again. Ngayon inakay
158 ako ng nanay ko diyan sa— kase Katoliko ako eh, inakay ako ng
159 nanay ko. So, nagsisimba na ako, natuto akong magrosary atsaka
160 alam ko kung ano ang paraan kung bakit nagrorosaryo kaya ano,
161 ayun lang dasal lang ako ng dasal.
162 R Pwede ninyo po bang i-describe yung current relationship ninyo po
163 sa mga kaibigan ninyo?
164 F Ahh, ayan yung ito, yung group namin Pio main group masaya,
165 masaya, nasisiyahan ako. Tapos, yung bestfriend ko na talagang
166 close friend ko nung wala pa akong work, lagi kaming nagsisimba sa
167 simbahan, enjoy ako. Parang nawawala yung problema ko, tsaka
168 marami eh, sa simbahan, lalo na sa simbahan yung mga tao sa
169 simbahan kasama ako. Parang pinakamasaya na ako sa mundo.
170 R Gaano kadalas po kayo nagsasama nang kaibigan ninyo?
171 F Ay kung sa pagsasamahan every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday,
172 Friday, Saturday magkakasama kami sa church.
173 R Pwede ninyo po bang i-share yung memorable bonding experience
174 with your friends po? Naging source ninyo po ba sila ng comfort
175 during your difficult period?
176 F Ahh, ako na-ano ko ‘yan na, yung experience ko nung nagpunta
177 kami sa Baler sa tita mo kay Christina.
178 R Ahh, kasama din po si ate..
179 F Oo magkakasama kami nyan. Ayun, dun, first time ko sa
180 talambuhay ko na, kase after 40 years nagkita kita kami, sinama nila
181 ako. So masaya, sila naligo, nags-surfing ako nagtatago kase takot
182 ako sa araw [laughs] sabi nga nung— sabi nga ni Christina, bakit ka,
183 nagpunta kayo dito para magsurfing hindi para magtago sa araw
184 kaya masaya ako, masaya kase nilibre lang ako nung kaibigan namin
185 na si Juliane, masaya masya, ayun.
186 R Naging source po sila—
187 F Oo, oo, tapos ayun nung nagkaroon nung kapag yung sa Pio main
188 group namin, ‘yun tungkol nga dun sa anak ko na continuous prayer,
189 nagrereact sila. Tapos ayun nga palabas na yung apo ko, nagrereact,
190 maganda, parang nakakagaan ng loob.
191 R It’s natural po na maremember ninyo po na nawala yung asawa
192 ninyo, when this happens po, how do you deal with it po?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 144

193 F Nung nawala yung asawa ko? Ahh, my times na syempre lalo na sa
194 gabi, may time na naaalala ko siya, wala lang, ano kapag gising
195 kong ganyan nasa tabi ko yung asawa ko. Kase syempre may
196 pinagsamahan din kami, 17 years din kaming nagsama. Mabait siya,
197 eh naano ko lang sa kanya yung, kapag yung may goodnight kiss,
198 ganun naalala ko at nalulungkot ako, ayun lang.
199 R Iniisip niyo lang po tapos mawawala na po?
200 F Oo, lalo na sa tulog pero yung sabihin mong ganyan, hindi ko siya
201 iniisip. Sa panaginip lang.
202 R Sini-share ninyo po ba yung feelings na po yun sa others po?
203 F Oo, sini-share ko yan sa mga kaibigan ko, sini-share ko.
204 R Helpful po ba?
205 F Oo, basta sabi nila “ipanalangin mo na lang yung kaluluwa na
206 makapasok siya sa kapangyarihan ng Diyos”, oo.
207 R Sino po yung biggest source of support ninyo po nung difficult
208 period ninyo po?
209 F Yung taga-simbahan.
210 R Paano po sila naging source of support po?
211 F Ahh, ano kapag yung may lakad sila, isasama ako, kakain kami sa
labas, ayun lang, masaya [laughs].
212 R From 1-10 po, can you please rate the quality of your life right now.
213 F Ahh, ngayon? Siguro mga number 5, middle lang.
214 R Bakit po?
215 F Kase, ano eh, nasanay na kase ako, hindi na— biruin mo 7 years din
216 akong hiwalay sa asawa. Kaya ako masaya kase nandito ako sa
217 nanay ko, kung wala ang nanay ko syempre nanay, magulang ‘yun.
218 Syempre malungkot na ako tapos yung anak ko kasama ko rin, yung
219 lalaki ko tsaka yung apo ko. Kaya ano lang, talagang in the middle,
220 nor— number 5.
221 R How’s your life changed po as a— nung nawala po yung asawa
222 ninyo po?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 145

223 F Kaya nga sabi ko ulit, ahh, 7 years nga akong hiwalay, so nung
224 unang unang hiwalay ko masakit kase kala ko wala nang lalaki sa
225 mundo, ganun. Nung nagkaroon ako ng boyfriend sa Uman,
226 nagkaroon ako ng boyrfriend na Batanggenyo, nabuhos ko yung
227 pagmamahal ko dun sa lalaki ‘yun sa taga-Batanggas. So, nung
228 umuwi ako dito after 2 years, nung nakita ko siya kase nagt-taxi,
229 parang wala lang simpleng tao lang ganun. Tapos nung namatay
230 siya, nung last year nasa Dubai ako syempre iyak ako ng iyak kase
231 naawa ako sa anak kong lalaki dahil makapapa-mama, ganyan
232 naiiyak ako. So, sabi ko sa kanya, “Ipanalangin na lang natin ang
233 kaluluwa ng papa mo.”

234 R Uhm, ngayon po, paano ninyo po maa-assess yung mental health
235 ninyo?
236 F Ay kailangan kase dapat talaga alagaan ko ito kase wala namang
237 ibang tutulong sa akin kundi sarili ko, kailangan relax lang. Relax
238 yung problema, hindi na masyadong iniisip yan kase kahit pag-
239 gising mo niyan eh nandyan pa rin ‘yan di ba?
240 R Pwede ninyo po bang i-explain yung life goals ninyo po prior to
241 widowhood?
242 F Yung hindi ako biyuda?
243 R Opo.
244 F Ang, nung hindi pa ako separate sa asawa ko, senyora ako, lahat ng
245 gusto namin ng mga anak ko, sunod. Tapos nung naseparate nga
246 ako, ‘yun hinahanap hanap ko yung, lalo na yung custard cake,
247 hinahanap hanap ko yun pagdating ng gabi galing siya sa taxi, sa
248 pagmamaneho, wala nang nagbibigay sa akin kase pinalayas siya
249 diyan ng nanay ko eh. Doon na siya sa— kung saan siya nakatira.
250 ‘Yun na lulungkot din ako paminsan minsan naaalala ko siya.
251 R Yung goals ninyo po ba ngayon, dati po same pa rin po ba?
252 F Oo.
253 R Ano po ba yung goals ninyo sa buhay po ngayon?
254 F Ahh, yung ngayong patay na ako na lang magisa.
255 R Before po namatay po ano pong goals ninyo? Plano ninyo po?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 146

256 F Planong makatapos sa pag-aaral yung mga anak namin kaso ngayon
257 naistop siya sa pag-aaral kase nga wala akong financial na pera para
258 pang ojt niya, kailangan. So, sabi ko sa kanya magwork siya muna
259 pero kung ang asawa ko nagbibigay ng kita niya sa pagt-taxi, hindi
260 ako mahihirapan. So ngayon kaya ako nagtrabaho, syempre dito,
261 alam mo naman ang buhay dito, very difficult so kahit maliit ang
262 sweldo tinanggap ko kase ako ang gumagastos sa bahay.
263 R Yung goals ninyo po dati po same po ba ngayon o nagchange na?
264 F Nagchange na, nagbago na siya kase wala na eh. Wala na akong
265 katulong sa buhay eh di ba? ako na lang mag-isa di ba? Ako na lang
266 mag-isa.
267 R Paano po nagchange?
268 F Talagang, sa totoo lang pinapasok ko yung paglalabada.
269 Samantalang dati, nung nabubuhay yung asawa ko, bibigyan ako ng
270 kita. Pinakamapayat isang libo, nung nawala siya, kagaya ngayon,
271 wala na ako na. Ang kinikita ko minsan sa paglalaba 500, ayun ako
272 na ang bumubuhay sa anak ko.
273 R How do you define po yung buhay ninyo po ngayon?
274 F Masaya, alam mo kung bakit ako masaya? Kase nandiyan si Lord sa
275 tabi ko lagi. Marami siyang miracles na binibigay, masaya ako kesa
276 before.
277 R Mayroon po ba kayong short comings po as a parent na aware po
278 kayo? And what do you plan po to do with it?
279 F Ahh yung kinatatakutan ko eh itong anak kong bunso, kase hindi ko
280 alam kung kailan siya magbabago tapos mga kaibigan niya mga
281 taga-Pasay, mga wala sa ayos na mga teenager. Ayun ang
282 kinatatakutan ko na hindi ko alam kung kelan ibibigay ni Lord sa
283 akin yung time na tumuwid siya ng landas kase 22 na siya.
284 R Ano pong balak ninyo po?
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 147

285 F Kinakausap o siya lagi eh pero hindi siya nakikinig, pasok dito labas
286 doon. Kaya sabi ko sa kanya, baka someday, sabi ko, kakailanganin
287 mo yung tulong namin, yung kapatid ko, nanay ko, tsaka yung anak
288 kong panganay. Sabi niya pabayaan na raw siya, malaki na siya, sige
289 okay. Kaya sabi ko sa kanya na magdasal ka, lagi kang magsimba
290 pero hindi pa rin ako bibitiw kay Lord kase alam ko binigay niya
291 ‘tong pagsubok na ‘to, alam kong kaya ko, di ba? Kaya ang
292 kinakatakot ko lang baka ma-ano siya sa shabu kase yung mga
293 kaibigan niya mga taga-Bangkal, taga-Pasay kaya ayun ang lagi
294 kong dinadasal na iiwas siya sa mga tropa niyang mga wala sa—
295 ‘yun ang kinakatakot ko.

296 R Paano ninyo po mad-describe yung parenting style ninyo po?


297 F Ako, kase ang— kung sa akin, id-describe ko, ako kase strikta ako,
298 maingay ako, madaldal ako. Eh ngayon— kaya lang naman ako
299 nagiging madaldal dail— para sa kagalingan nila, kaayusan ng
300 buhay.
301 R Naniniwala po ba kayong effective po yun?
302 F Ako, oo naniniwala ako kase yung anak kong lalaki nasunod sa akin
303 eh [laughs]. Kase yung panganay ko hindi sa akin lumaki yun, sa
304 nanay ko, kaya ito lang dalawa. Yung lalaki ko nandito, ‘yun ang
305 kasama namin.
306 R Paano ninyo po mai-improve po yung relationship ninyo po sa mga
307 anak ninyo?
308 F Eh pinakikita ko yung natututunan ko sa simbahan, yung, kung
309 papaano maging ano sa kapwa, kase kung hindi mo ipakikita yung
310 pinag-aaralan mo sa simbahan, ano sasabihin sa iyo ng anak mo?
311 Bakit kita gagayahin di ba?
312 R Paano ninyo po maa-assess yung sarili ninyo pong in present terms
313 po of moving on or coping up with your loss?
314 F Paano ko maa-assess? Eh ano yung sarili ko inaayos ko, kapag
315 nagsisimba ako, hindi yung basta simba lang na mukhang lolang
316 lola. Syempre medyo may konting make up, ganun. Nagbibihis ng
317 maayos— kala nga nila ano eh bata pa ako, sabi ko, “Hindi 53 na
318 ako.” Sabi nila, “Hindi 30 ka na.” “Hindi 53 na.” [laughs] Lalo
319 kapag nagpapa-interview ako sa employer, hindi sila naniniwala na
320 53 na ako. Syempre magbihis ng maayos, lagi, ang mukha mo lagi
321 dapat maaliwalas.

322 R So, iyon po yung ginagawa ninyo para maka-move on na rin?


323 F Oo, oo, oo.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL-BEING, PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP, COPING… 148

324 R Pero po sa tingin ninyo po naka move on na po kayo?


325 F Move on na move on na [laughs]. Masaya ako, alam mo kung bakit?
326 Kase, dahil nga yung sa apo ko— di ba? Miracle yun eh, biruin mo
327 kahit kanino ka magtanong, yung isa naming friend kasama namin
328 sa group, yung anak niyang bunso— wala pa atang 21, namatay
329 yung baby sa tyan, baby girl. Biruin mo ilan ang dugo ng anak ko
330 bago nanganak 200/150, di ba? Oh kaya miracle, miracle talaga ang
331 nangyari sa buhay namin. Kaya siguro hindi ako pinaaalis ni Lord
332 atsaka kaya ako pinauwi nung January, dahil sa panganay ko atsaka
333 itong bunso ko.

334 R May balak pa po ba kayong bumalik sa—


335 F May balak pa talaga anak, kahit saang bansa may balak kase 14
336 years akong— katulong ako, naninibago ako kase kahit hirap ako
337 ‘dun, mahirap ang katulong sa ibang bansa pero hindi ko alam kung
338 pahihintulutan ako ni Lord kase 53 na ako, kung mga 40-45, matagal
339 na akong nakaalis, kaso 53 na ako eh. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako
340 dadalhin ni Lord, kung dito sa Pilipinas o sa ibang bansa, may balak
341 talaga akong bumalik.
342 R Ayun lang po, maraming salamat po.