Peter Ackroyd – The Plato Papers – Freud

We have acquired some information about the actors and comedians of

past ages, but our knowledge has been greatly increased by the chance
survival of a comic handbook entitled Jokes and their Relation to the
Unconscious. The meaning of 'unconscious' is by no means clear, but it
may be related to the idea of drunkenness, which even in our own time is
the object of laughter. The joke book itself is the work of a clown or
buffoon who was billed as Sigmund Freud – no doubt pronounced
'Fraud' to add piquancy to his stage character. In this volume he has
compiled examples of what he calls 'significant nonsense', with comic
routines concerning people who forget names or misread words, who use
the wrong set of keys or knock over pots of black dye. Clearly Freud
himself was an incomparable gamester, and it is easy to imagine him
reciting these absurd misadventures with a serious face. His act would
have been described as 'smutty' or 'bringing out the blue bag' and, with
its emphasis upon sex, it was a well-known aspect of the primitive
theatre. His 'lingo' was in turn based upon the confrontation between
audience and performer, with the continual use of Freud's famous
catchphrase – 'I think I should be the judge of that!' – as the signal for
more laughter.
But the most hilarious examples of Freudian repartee took place when
his partner, Oedipus, appeared on the stage. This 'fall guy' or 'straight
man' may have been some relic of the old pantomimic tradition, since he
wore loose white robes and displayed that glum expression characteristic
of the pantaloon. He also adopted a peculiarly rapid and sliding walk
known to devotees as 'the Freudian slip'. He would try unsuccessfully to
use it every time Freud began to question or 'analyse' him with a number
of delightfully absurd questions.
'Are you repressing something, Oedipus?'
'Of course not. I am standing very upright, as the soldier said to the
nursemaid.'
'Now now, Pussy. None of your nonsense here. Tell me, what is your
opinion of chair legs and train tunnels?'
'Rather out than in, as the bishop—'
'I think, Puss, you are beginning to prove my point.'
'Don't talk to me about points. Not after last night.'
'How do you feel about long noses?'
'I've never felt one in my life!'
'Come now. That's no answer to one of my famous analytical questions.'
'Well then, Sigmund, I will tell you the honest truth. I think that they
should be blown.'
'Oedipus, you must have been a very funny child.'
'Funny? I had them screaming. Especially mother.'
This dialogue known as 'chaff or 'patter' must have reduced the
Mouldwarp audience to tears of laughter, especially when Freud steps
forward to inform them that 'it is all the fault of my friend's unconscious'
– i.e. that he is drunk.
It has often been noted that the people of Mouldwarp were preoccupied
with sexual activity at the expense of all other principles of life; there is
even some evidence to suggest that they identified themselves in terms
of their sexual orientation. No. There is no cause for embarrassment.
Our purpose is to understand, not to lay blame. Nevertheless, despite –
or even because of – their obsession with sexual practice it is likely that
they laughed as heartily at Freud's antics as we do. We salute him,
therefore, as a great comic genius of his age.