Republic of the Philippines

LAGUNA STATE POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

Los Baños Campus
Los Baños, Laguna

EXCERCISE GUILLERMO A. ESCOBIN. PH D. HC

APOSTOL, DANICA L. ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
BSC – 1A 1st SEMESTER 2019-2020
Readings in Philippine History Mon. 8:00 am – 11:00 am/ 09-09-2019

KINDNESS
http://www.becomingwhoyouare.net/the-true-meaning-of-kindness/

When I was younger, I thought I knew what kindness meant. It involves being nice to

other people, making them happy, and doing the right thing and the good thing as often as

possible. Well, not exactly. As I’ve grown older and gained more life experience, I’ve discovered

that kindness comes in many forms that don’t always look “kind.” I’ve also discovered what

counts as “right” and “good” to one person might not to the next. We all know kindness is

important. But I think it’s also important to acknowledge that while often the kind thing to do is

crystal clear, sometimes it’s a little murkier. It can be tricky to know what counts as kindness,

towards ourselves and other people, and which behaviours might seem like kindness but do more

harm than good. In this post, I want to share a few thoughts on the true meaning of kindness

towards ourselves and others, especially for those grey area situations of life in which kindness

feels less clear-cut and less, well, kind.

According to Merriam Webster kindness defined as, “a behavior marked by ethical

characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and a concern for others.” Let’s unpack this definition…
Kindness starts with yourself. Kindness starts at home. It’s about living with integrity, knowing

what your principles and important “ethical characteristics” are, and what right and wrong means

in your life. It also means treating yourself as you would anyone else you care about. We usually

talk about and hear about kindness in relation other people, but is just as important. You might

have heard the sentiment you can’t love other people until you can love yourself. While I don’t

believe this is 100% true, I think how you treat and talk to yourself becomes the foundation from

which you approach your other relationships. So kindness isn’t just about how you treat other

people, it’s about extending the same intentions and behaviours to our yourself too.

Being “kind” isn’t the same as being “nice”. I think this is one of the biggest confusions

around the true meaning of kindness. Being kind does not always look like being ‘nice.’ Having

a ‘pleasant disposition’ does not mean always making other people happy. Sometimes kindness

means disappointing other people, even making them angry. The way I see the difference

between being kind and being nice is this “Kindness” is based on your own ethics, your own

values, and your own beliefs. “Niceness” is based on how other people see you. Sometimes

kindness is difficult. Sometimes it means saying: “No.” One of the most common situations in

which this is the case involves the line between kindness and enabling. For example, if someone

keeps asking for money then spending it on drugs, alcohol, or racking up unnecessary debt, it’s

kinder to refuse to lend them more money and look for other ways to support them on their

journey than it is to keep enabling them. It might be nicer (and feel more comfortable) in the

short-term to lend or give them more money, but that’s not helping them in the long-term (and

it’s probably not helping you either). If someone is struggling with unhealthy behaviours or

patterns, sometimes it is kinder to let them face the consequences of their actions than to keep

enabling them to continue. The same principle applies to your relationship with yourself. There’s
a subtle but important difference between self-care and self-indulgence. Self-care rarely looks

pretty or feel comfortable in the moment. True kindness can be tough, and it might leave you

feeling less than kind. But even when you say no to yourself or others, you can do so from a

place of love and compassion. That’s because…Kindness is rooted in empathy and acceptance

The definition of kindness I shared above mentioned a concern for others (and, I would

add, yourself). That’s not a judgement of others (or yourself) or a rejection of others (or

yourself), even when you’re saying no to something or someone. Empathy is the ability to

understand someone else’s situation, experience, feelings, and behaviours, and it’s the

foundation of this concern. If you want to be generous towards or help someone, first you need

to understand where they are and what they’re dealing with—the good and the bad. Even if you

don’t agree with someone’s choices or behaviours and you decide not to enable them going

forward, you can still empathise with them. This starts with empathy for yourself. If you’re all

tapped out on helping someone, you feel frustrated, angry, or resentful, you need to be honest

about this, at least with yourself. Kindness is finding compassion and understanding for where

the other person is in their life and their journey while maintaining your own boundaries and

respecting your own needs. Kindness is a wonderful, beautiful complex, quality.

APOSTOL, DANICA L.
0419-0802