Michael Blake E.

Mira September 29, 2019

1st Year - College

RAVINES, ROPES AND A TAP OF WATER

“[VALUE]Who knows more about living water, the person who taps daily without thinking or the
thirst tortured traveller?

- Fr. Neuner to Mother Teresa

This was Fr. Neuner’s response to the spiritual thirst, Mother Teresa had endured for years.
She felt as if she lived her life in total “darkness”, without the consolation or the assurance that
she could be with GOD, and yet regardless of this spiritual dryness, she longed for GOD all the
more, with all that she was.

Since entering the seminary, I’ve always been praying - or more precisely, been talking to
GOD. I thought that if prayer becomes a habit, it also becomes a virtue but as these past few days
went by, my prayers don’t feel solemn anymore. It scares me to know that I am praying but I
myself, am no longer in prayer. So I asked myself, if what I do is not prayer, then what is prayer
in it’s truest sense?

To be honest, I do not even have a personal definition of prayer. Is it the oral repetition of
spiritual texts? Is it talking to GOD; telling Him how thankful I am for the life He gave me?
Sorry, for the sins I have done and asking Him how much grace I need for this day? Is it the
silence and the inner peace when I meditate? Is it what I offer to GOD for other people? Is this
what I do? I know it in myself that what I do is prayer but I am not convinced that I am praying...
The answer did not come to me until my painful memories came rushing back... Back to when I
had to face my trials and I had no one to call on to, except GOD and my family.

Here is how I illustrate prayer. I am climbing the Cliff of Life, to reach Heaven. It’s a rough
Ravine, filled with rocks, falling from above, named Persecution, Trials, Despair, so on and so
forth. The biggest rock is named Temptation and below the mountain; at it’s foot lies Sin. I know
this journey will be hard and I cannot do this on my own, until suddenly a kind stranger from
above dropped a line, a rope, to keep me from falling to Sin. The rocks may hurt me, but it all
depends on my decision whether to give up or go on. If I want to reach Heaven, I must hold on to
the rope tightly and persevere to climb no matter how rough it gets. To me, the rope is prayer and
the kind stranger is God. Prayer is a rope that connects me to my GOD.

Prayer is not what I do. It’s not prompted by time, schedule or even needs. It’s not a habit,
because it’s not “normal” (it’s special); it’s not “second nature”. I can easily forget the value of
things that I have and the things that I do everyday and I only remember how important they are,
when I lose them or when they’re gone. For this reason, I refuse to make my prayers as ordinary
as a habit, because only in prayer can I be with my GOD.

Before entering the seminary, I experienced loss and heart wrenching tragedies that almost
caused me to lose my faith in GOD, telling myself that GOD has forsaken me. I stopped praying
until realization hit me. During the times when I had no one to run to, He was there. I didn’t have
to speak for myself, so that people would know that I am innocent. He stood for me when I could
not stand for myself. During the time when I almost committed suicide, He was also there. He
made me realize that there are people who still love me and if I cannot live for myself, I must
think of the heartbreak it will cause them if I committed suicide. Not only that, all the efforts my
loved ones put for me, in my defense, will be put to waste and I cannot, in my conscience, give
up hope, for them... And I started praying again. Even though it was painful, I have to hold on.
GOD kept me alive. My prayers kept me alive and it was then when I truly saw that God will
always be with me, no matter where I go. My trials and my prayers made me trust GOD
completely, and that is how much prayer is important to me. No matter what happens, I am in
His Hand.

Remembering all these made me realize how much I should change my attitude towards my
prayer life in the seminary. I must pray, not because it is a habit but because I can only be with
GOD, when I pray. Rev. Bryan had once mentioned during our Recollection that “Not everyone,
who has a well developed prayer life, falls in love with GOD.”. Anyone can pray everyday but
not everyone who prays is with GOD and values prayer. For people who always tap the water
without thinking does not know it’s value, because they believe it will always be there, compared
to the traveller who suffers the thirst, longs for even just a drop. Prayer does not offer GOD
completely. It provides a glimpse, a drop or even a tap. That is why it’s never enough to just
“pray”, in whatever I do, I must always be “in prayer”.