Molnar Quest

Episode 1: MSA Jam

0.
Intro – Youth Gone Wild – Skid Row

1.
INT – MSA – Molin’s room - Morning
A fierce battle is underway between Torby and a summoned Shadow
Elemental. The camera angle is very dramatic, so very little of the
surrounding classroom is seen. As the Elemental advances, Torby’s eyes
light up and he shoots a fiery blast from his hands. They sear across
the Elemental’s face and it howls in pain. As the Elemental gets back
up to attack, Torby strikes with a bolt of lightning. Finally, to
finish it, he leaps into the air and drives his knife down into the
Elemental’s skull. It collapses and the shot widens considerably. Molin
can be seen off to the side of the fight, making marks on her
clipboard. She nods thoughtfully and conjures the Shadow Elemental away
with a wave of her hand.

MOLIN
Okay, Torby take your seat.

Torby sits down at his desk, which is between Casey’s and Rich’s.

TORBY (whispering)
So? How do you think I did?

RICH (whispering)
It wasn’t bad, but it kinda lacked inventiveness. I’d say a B or an A-.

CASEY (normal tone, not realizing they’re supposed to be quiet)

Dude, Torby, you sucked. That was terrible. I mean, come on!

He laughs to himself before realizing that the entire class is staring

at him. He stops abruptly.

MOLIN
Casey, do you need to go to the principal’s office?

CASEY
Um… no? Wait. Let me think this through…

He rests his chin on his hand and thinks thoughtfully. After a few
seconds, Molin breaks his concentration.

MOLIN
Casey, get out of here.

CASEY
Oh… Okay…

He dejectedly gets up from his seat and leaves the classroom. As the
door closes behind him, the bell rings and Casey walks back in.

CASEY
Ha! I’m not under your jurisdiction anymore!
He walks back to his seat.

MOLIN
Um… okay. I guess that’s it for post-summer evaluations for today. Most
of you did… acceptable. We’ll finish the rest up tomorrow. Now get
lost, kids.

2.
INT – MSA – Hallway – Day
Torby and Rich walk down the hall amongst the stream of other people.

TORBY (sarcastic)
So, Rich, how was your summer? Isn’t being back in school just the
greatest?

RICH (sarcastic)
Oh, of course. I absolutely love the Mad Skillz Academy with all my
devotion. Hah, yeah right.

He and Torby share a laugh.

RICH
So what about your summer, Torby? Did you do anything interesting?

TORBY
No, not in particular. I went to this Fa- er, Black Mage camp. But that
was pretty terrible.

Casey runs up behind them.

CASEY
Hey, guys.

TORBY
Hey, Casey.

RICH
Did you do anything worth mentioning this summer, Casey?

CASEY (beaming)
Well, not to brag, but I won a pool tournament.

TORBY (aside, over Casey)

Oh, great. Here we go again.

CASEY
So, y’know, it was like the biggest pool tournament in the whole
fiefdom, and there were professional players from all over. But with my
custom-made pool cue, I –

They stop, as Willie is standing in their path.

WILLIE (interrupting)
I inherited a death ray. I used it to terrorize a small island nation
into worshipping me as their deity.
TORBY
Oh… That’s nice.

RICH
Well, uh, you let us know how that turns out for you, Willie.

They walk past him.

WILLIE (shouting)
I will! Whether you like it or not!

CASEY
Ah, Willie; he thinks his silly little toys are better than winning a
pool tournament. I mean, the trophy I got was friggin’ huge!

3.
INT – MSA – Locker Room – Morning
Travis and Tony are sitting on the shelf-turned-into-a-bench in the
back. Tony is plucking away at his guitar.

TRAVIS
Play it faster!

Tony shoots Travis a dirty look.

Torby, Casey, and Rich walk in. Casey is still talking.

CASEY
- and he tried to bank the shot! Oh my god, it was so hilarious. You
had to be there.

TRAVIS
Hey, it’s my best friends! I missed you guys!

TORBY
But we just saw each other last weekend…

TRAVIS
Did we? It’s been so long, I hardly remember.

CASEY
Dude, Travis, I have to tell you this story.

RICH
Casey, for the love of god, shut up!

CASEY
Oh… Okay…

TRAVIS
I guess I didn’t want to hear that story?

TORBY
Absolutely right.

RICH
Woah, Tony, is that a new guitar?
TONY
Hell yeah, it is.

RICH
Sweet, can I see it?

TONY
No way, man. For the 2000 gold I dropped on this, I ain’t letting
anyone touch it.

RICH
2000 gold? Steve-us Christ!

TONY
Technically, it’s my class weapon. My dad told me I could write it off
as a business expense.

RICH
Last time I checked, most Bards play a lute.

TONY
What? Who the hell plays a lute?

Willie has appeared behind them.

WILLIE (muttering)
Feh, Bard… What kind of class is that?

Torby jumps.

TORBY
Holy crap! Where the hell did you come from, Willie?

WILLIE
From my mother. Why?

TORBY
Nevermind.

The bell rings.

TRAVIS
Hey, that bell reminds me of something!

CASEY
Is it that it’s time to go to class?

Travis checks his schedule.

TRAVIS
Sure, that sounds right. What class do you guys have next?

The rest of them pull out their schedules.

RICH
Umm… Item Management.
TONY
Hey, me too!

Willie double-checks his schedule.

WILLIE (sighing dejectedly)

Item Manag… Dammit.

TRAVIS
Well, I have Monsters class next.

CASEY
Dude, me too! Awesome! This class is gonna be so radical!

TORBY (to himself, trying not to be ignored)

What class do you have, Torby? Oh, me? I just have Monsters class as
well. I will be delighted to join you guys on the way-

Casey and Travis walk out past Torby, absorbed in their conversation.

TRAVIS
Yeah, dude, I read this thing about Gigantosaurus…

TORBY (still being ignored)

Oh. Ok. I guess I’ll just see you guys in class, then. Make sure to
save me a seat! Assholes.

RICH
Well, I’m gone.

He heads to his next class, followed silently by Willie and Tony. Tony
quickly waves goodbye to Torby. Torby returns the gesture, then
immediately looks grumpy and turns to his locker. He begins getting
stuff out when the door opens again, and a group of talking girls walks
in. Among the group is Joy. Torby looks up just in time to see her toss
her hair over her shoulder, which happens in dreamy slow-motion. She
moves away from the group towards her locker, which is near Torby’s.

JOY (to friends)

Alright, gals, catch you later!

JOY (congenially)
Hi, Torby. How’s it going?

TORBY (nervously)
Oh, h-hi, Joy…

JOY
Lemme just squeeze past you here…

She moves past him to get to her locker. She stands awkwardly close to
him; Torby has a hard time controlling his sweat.

TORBY (attempting to make conversation, because he heard that’s what

helps you get girls)
So, uh… how was your summer?
Joy has her stuff and closes her locker. She’s still standing awkwardly
close to Torby, though.

JOY
Oh, you know, same old, same old. How about you?

TORBY (getting increasingly nervous)

Oh, um, y’know, I went to this Black Camp – I mean Fat Mage Camp – I
mean Fat Camp! Oh, shit, I mean Black Mage Camp! I wasn’t at Fat Camp!
Slip of the tongue!

JOY
Oh, uh, that sounds like fun…

TORBY (stammering)
Yep. I definitely did some Black Mage stuff. I certainly wasn’t losing
weight or anything.

JOY (under her breath)

Yeah, I can see that.

TORBY (sucking up)

Ha, you’re a real joker, Joy! You’re so funny and clever!

JOY
Sure. Anyways, I gotta get to class. See you.

Torby mumbles goodbye as she leaves, waving dreamily. He stands for a

moment with a dorky grin on his face. The bell sounds, snapping him to
attention. He dashes off.

4.
INT – MSA – Barty’s Room – Day
Torby rushes in. Casey and Travis are already seated at a table
together, talking.

CASEY
It really just comes down to how much butter you want to use.

TORBY
You guys, what about me?

CASEY
What about you?

TRAVIS
Oh, sorry, dude. We didn’t know you had this class.

TORBY
What? I just said in the locker room… Ugh, nevermind. Where’s the
closest open seat?

CASEY
The only open seat is over there.

He points to a table where

PAN TO:
George is sitting, carving his name into the table with a switchblade.

TORBY (panicked)
No way, George?! The scary kid? I’m not sitting next to him! I’ll get
shanked for sure!

TRAVIS
That’s too bad. It’s the only seat left.

George sits at the table with his head down, listening to his Waltzman.
Torby nervously sits down in the chair. George pays no attention to
him. Holding his books close to his chest, Torby slowly scoots to the
farthest end of the table. George doesn’t notice at all.

Meanwhile, Barty has entered. She stands at her desk at the front of
the room and drops a giant binder on the top, making a resounding THUD.

BARTY
Alright, kiddos! Are you excited to be back in school?

The class stares silently.

BARTY
Awesome! That’s the kind of enthusiasm I like to hear! Now, we’re gonna
take a quiz to see what you know already, and then we’re gonna take the
same one at the end of the year to see what you learned! Sound good?

The class stares silently.

BARTY
Excellent! I’ll pass it out then!

Bartlett walks by Torby & George’s table and drops a piece of paper in
front of each of them.

BARTY (as she walks by)

George, no music players during the test.

GEORGE
‘Kay.

He removes the headphones. Torby watches him nervously.

Torby slowly withdraws a pencil from his pocket and begins writing.
George sits and stares at his test. Torby is whizzing through. George
leans over and looks at Torby’s test. Torby looks up and George looks
away casually. Torby looks back down and continues writing. George
leans over again. Torby looks up, George looks away, Torby looks back
down. After a moment, George looks over again. Finally, Torby cracks.

TORBY (shouting)
Alright, take my answers! Just don’t hurt me!

He tosses the test over to George.

GEORGE
…Cool.
He begins copying the answers. Bartlett, meanwhile, is watching You Tub
videos on her computer with her headphones on and is blissfully unaware
of the altercation going down.

5.
INT – MSA – Great Hall – Lunchtime
Rich, Tony, Willie, and Casey are engaged in a game of Hearts. Travis
looks over Casey’s shoulder, trying to figure out how to play. Torby
walks in, looking miserable.

CASEY
So how was sitting next to George for that whole class period?

TORBY (shaky)
It… was… terrible… He stole my answers!

RICH
Oh, get over it. We steal answers from you all the time.

TORBY
Yeah, but that’s because I let you. It’s like the difference between
consensual sex and rape. I was academically raped by George.

CASEY
If you’re really that offended by it, just kick his ass. Who knows, you
might get extra credit for preemptively ridding the world of another
villain.

TORBY
How do you-

MORGAN (offscreen)
Hey assholes!

TORBY
Oh, great…

WHIP PAN TO:

Morgan, Chris, and Andrew, standing all cool-like.

WHIP PAN TO:

Casey, waving.

CASEY
Hi, Morgan!

MORGAN
Wha- shut up!

CASEY
Oh… Okay…

MORGAN
Anyways… Oh yeah! I hear you’re giving out test answers, dickweed.

TORBY
Who told you that?!
MORGAN
What? I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to Rich.

RICH
Oh, yeah. You want a copy? It’s ten gold.

Morgan and Rich look around suspiciously. Morgan thrusts ten gold at
Rich and he quickly swaps it for a copy of the test answers.

RICH
Pleasure doing business with you.

MORGAN
Yeah, whatever. I can’t stand to be near the losers’ table for much
longer.

Morgan and her posse walk away.

TRAVIS
Rich, you stole the test answers?

RICH
Yeah, what’s it to you?

TORBY (aside)
I’m not a loser…

TRAVIS
We’re supposed to be heroes in training! This is no way for future
heroes to behave.

RICH
Oh, come on. You really believe that goody-goody shit they feed you in
class? This is a modern world of Adventuring, Travis, full of moral
grey areas. These are just some of the dilemmas I have to tread every
day as a Chaotic Good Rogue.

TRAVIS
I just want to say that I’ll have no part in this crazy scheme of
yours, even if it is for the greater good like you claim it is.

RICH
You don’t have to.

TRAVIS
Good. Then I won’t.

RICH
Good.

Beat

PAN TO:
End of table, where Cody is sitting, eating his single saltine cracker.

RICH
Oh, crap. You heard every word of that, didn’t you?

CODY (internal, excited)

Holy crap, someone’s actually talking to me! That must mean we’re
friends! Hooray!

CODY
I won’t tell anyone, new friends!

RICH
Okay, good. And you’re not our friend.

CODY (internal)
I love my new friends.

PAN TO:
Back where the rest of everyone is sitting

RICH
Loser.

CASEY
You know, we are sitting at the same table as him, which, by your
logic, does make this the loser table.

RICH
Dammit! What am I doing here, then? I’m too cool for this bullshit. I’m
gonna go sit with the cool kids. I mean the people that are cool. Like
me.

Rich grabs his lunch and walks off.

TORBY (shouting after him)

Fine, leave us, Rich! I see where your loyalties lie!

TRAVIS
We don’t need his kind of delinquency at this table anyways.

WILLIE
Wow, it looks like someone’s picked up some new vocabulary!

TRAVIS
What’s that supposed to mean?

WILLIE
Just the other day, I referred to those pot-dealing urban youths
outside the Quick Shop as delinquents, and you said you had no idea
what I was talking about.

TRAVIS
Wait, that’s what a delinquent is? I thought you were talking about
lunch specials.

WILLIE
First of all, do you mean “delicatessen”?

TRAVIS
Yeah, that one!

WILLIE
Second of all, how does that apply to Rich?

TRAVIS
I was talking about his lunch! It was stinking up the place.

WILLIE
<Sigh>… I had such high hopes for you, Travis.

6.
INT – MSA – Great Hall – Cool Kids’ Table – Lunchtime

ERIK
Goddamn sandwich… I am gonna kick my mom’s ass when I get home.

Rich walks over and sits down. Nobody pays much attention.

RICH
Hey, guys.

ERIK / JOE / JAKE / CHRIS

Hey.

Beat

RICH
What’s up?

Beat

JOE
Did you guys see that hockey game last night?

ERIK
Totally. That was hardcore.

CHRIS
Yeah, man, did you see that shirt Christine’s wearing today? Major
cleavage.

JAKE
For sure.

RICH (nervously, bluffing)

I totally, um, copped a feel off of her in Item Management today. For
real.

CHRIS
Cool.

ERIK (mouthful of sandwich)

That’s awesome.

RICH (more confident)

Yeah, I know. And, and, the whole thing made me think about sports.
Yeah.

7.
Montage – Pretty Fly – The Offspring
A.
MSA – Locker Room – Day
Casey and Tony are at their lockers, getting stuff out. Rich, Chris,
and Erik walk by, talking. Tony waves, and Rich completely ignores
them. Once they’re gone, Tony hangs his head in disappointment.

B.
MSA – Hallway – Day
Torby is walking along with a stack of books in his arms. Rich, Andrew,
and Jake walk by and knock the books out of Torby’s hands, laughing as
they do so. Torby scowls at them as they walk away.

C.
MSA – Locker Room – Day
Willie is at his locker. Rich and Morgan walk in and shove him against
the lockers. Rich hands him a sheet of paper labeled ‘homework’ and
Willie takes it begrudgingly. He turns around, feeds it into a computer
in his locker, and the computer spits it back out another slot,
completed. Willie takes it and hands it to Rich. Morgan gives him a
wedgie anyways. They walk away laughing.

D.
MSA – Great Hall – Day
Erik, Chris, and Andrew are facing Rich. Erik proudly unfurls an MSA
Fighting Calculators basketball jersey with CONSTABLE printed on the
back. Rich takes it reverently, then looks up with tears of happiness
in his eyes. He and Erik chest-bump with mucho machismo.

8.
MSA – Hallway – Day
Torby and Casey are exiting class. They see a bulletin board and stop
to scrutinize it. Torby notices a basketball team sign-up sheet.

TORBY
Basketball. Ha! What a stupid NPC sport.

CASEY
Don’t be so quick to make racist remarks, Torby. It’s not uncommon for
PCs to play professional sports, too.

TORBY
That’s just because they didn’t do well in adventurer school. If I
wanted to watch a completely unfair competition, I’d sign Christine up
for a wet t-shirt contest. ZING!

CASEY
Holy crap, look who signed up!

They look down at the sheet under the flyer, with peoples’ names
written on it.

TORBY
Ryan Johnson? The only NPC at our school? I don’t find that surprising
at all.

CASEY
No, moron, lower!

TORBY
Steve-us, it’s Rich! That guy is being a real dick lately. I can’t
believe he’s hanging out with the jocks now!

RICH (he snuck up behind them)

Who’s being a dick, dick?

Torby and Casey spin around.

TORBY
Rich! How could you? You left the only people who ever respected you
and joined those shallow, competition-obsessed ‘roid monkeys in their
moronic contest of sweaty guys and short shorts!

ERIK (who also walked up unnoticed)

Who you calling a ‘roid monkey? These muscles are all natural, baby.

He flexes.

ERIK
And guess what? I’m about to use them to kick your ass.

9.
MSA – Hallway – Day
Torby, beaten and bloody, is stuffed into a random, forced-open locker
in the hallway. Casey walks up.

CASEY
You know, you should really be more careful about who you run your
mouth off in front of.

TORBY
I hate you.

CASEY
Like I said…

He sticks a plasma grenade on Torby and walks off.

TORBY
Dammit! You bastard! Get back here!

He explodes.

10.
EXT – MSA – Side Yard – After School
Erik and Chris are hanging around suspiciously, grouped up near the
corner of the building, where the eave of the roof hangs low.
Suddenly, Rich appears, crouch-walking his way across the roof. He
jumps down into the middle of the crowd.
ERIK
You got the stuff?

RICH (producing a stack of papers)

Yeah, right here.

ERIK
Right on, bra.

RICH
No problem. All for the greater good, am I right?

CHRIS (conman talk)

Definitely. We don’t always have time to study what with basketball
practice and everything, and if we don’t pass high school, how are we
going to save the world?

ERIK
It’s pretty simple, really.

RICH
Speaking of which, when is practice?

ERIK
Oh, you don’t gotta worry about that. We do it during Gym Class.

RICH
Wait, if we’re practicing during class time, shouldn’t we all have time
to do homework anyways?

CHRIS
Who gives a shit?

RICH
I don’t.

CHRIS
Exactly. With less homework to do, we have more time to party! You like
to party, don’t you?

Chris holds up a joint.

RICH (douchey)
No way, man, I don’t do that. Pot’s for losers.

Beat.

They all burst out laughing. Rich grabs the joint.

RICH
Lemme hit that shit.

11.
INT - MSA – Gym – Day
It’s time for gym class. The basketball team (including Rich) is in
uniform and practicing for the game, while everyone else (including
Torby and Tony, running side-by-side) is in dorky gym clothes, running
laps.

TORBY (huffing and puffing)

Look at Rich over there, all smug because he doesn’t have to run laps.
Stupid laps.

ERIK (from across the gym)

Heads up, dork!

TORBY
Wha-

He gets nailed in the face by a full-speed basketball.

The basketball team points and laughs at Torby.

ANDREW (as the laughing dies down)

What an idiot.

ERIK
So, Rich, let’s see what you can do already.

He passes a basketball to Rich. Rich catches it and looks nervously at

it. There is a quiet pause.

ERIK
Well?

RICH
Right. I totally can play basketball. You know, I’m not stalling to
avoid showing you that I can’t play.

ERIK
Um… Okay, good.

Rich begins dribbling. After a bit, he runs towards the basket. He

jumps up, ignites the ball, and slam dunks it. The glass backboard
shatters.

NBA JAM ANNOUNCER

He’s on fire!

ERIK
Alright, nice! Let’s see a three-pointer.

Rich nervously backs up to the three-point line and stares at the hoop.
All focused and intense-like, he lines up the shot and throws the ball.
It looks like the ball is going to make it, but a widening of the angle
reveals it flying way off course and hitting Torby again.

TORBY
Dammit!

Chris grabs the ball and passes it back to Rich.

ERIK
Uh, why don’t you try that again.
Rich lines up the shot again. Suddenly, he jumps all the way from the
three-point line and slam dunks it exactly like before. This time, the
metal frame of the hoop shatters.

NBA JAM ANNOUNCER

Boom shaka-laka!

ANDREW
Y’know, that was pretty cool.

He gets skewered in the head by a stray spear of metal shrapnel.

ERIK
You do seem to know a few cool tricks, Rich…

RICH (nervous)
Yeah, I must just be having an off day…

ERIK
No biggie. I think you’re totally prepared for the upcoming game.

RICH (laughing nervously)

Yeah, totally. Heh heh.

12.
EXT – JMCA – Night
It’s the night of the big game. A sign out front reads:
“TONIGHT:
The Big Game!
Park Wolfpack
vs.
MSA Fighting Calculators”
Several people are walking towards the entrance, and a car pulls up.

INT – JMCA – Arena – Bleachers

Torby, Casey, Tony, and Travis are sitting in the bleachers, watching.
Travis is eating a hot dog, Tony has a bag of popcorn, and Torby has an
enormous tray of greasy nachos and a mega-gulp in front of him. Casey
has a giant foam #1 finger on. He waves it around.

CASEY
So, remind me, Torby: if you hate Rich now, why are you here watching
the game?

TORBY
‘Cause… stadium food. Also, because, I have an evil plan! Mwahahaha!

He removes a cheese-covered walkie-talkie from amidst the nachos.

TORBY (into walkie)

Frog, this is Toad, are you in position? Over.

INT – JMCA – Locker Room

Willie is hiding inside one of the lockers.

WILLIE (into walkie)

The Frog is in the lilypad. Over.

ALTERNATING CUTS:

TORBY
Excellent. Frog and Toad are friends. Over.

WILLIE
Frog and Toad are friends. Over.

TONY
Did you just say “frog and toad are friends?”

TORBY
It’s code. You wouldn’t understand.

TONY
Obviously not. Wait a minute, why would you even need a code? Who would
bother to listen in on this?

TORBY
Communists.

The basketball team walks into the locker room, talking excitedly.

WILLIE (whispering into walkie)

This is Frog. The Turd is in the Toilet! Repeat: the Turd is in the
Toilet! …Over.

Torby giggles like a schoolboy.

TONY
Seriously?

TORBY (humored)
I picked those code words specifically.

TORBY (into walkie)

This is Toad. I copy that. Engage plan “Shoot Rich with a Laser Gun,
Over… and Over and Over.” Over.

Willie jumps out of the locker and begins firing his laser gun.
Unfortunately, it turns out to be a Narf Gun, firing orange foam darts.
One dart hits Rich in the ass.

WILLIE
A Narf gun?! Huh. Must have grabbed out of the wrong toy bin.

CUT TO the bleachers.

WILLIE (through walkie)

This is Frog. Abort mission! I have been discovered! Over.

Beat

WILLIE (through walkie)

Also, they gave me a wedgie. Over.
TORBY
Oh well. It was worth a try.

He tosses the walkie aside.

CASEY (slowly)
You’re a terrible, terrible leader.

TORBY
For a second there, I thought you were gonna say I’m a terrible person.

CASEY
Oh, well, don’t worry. You’re that, too.

13.
INT – JMCA – Arena
The basketball teams walk out. Some entrance music plays and the crowd
cheers.

14.
INT – JMCA – Arena - Bleachers
On a lower tier, Joy and Christine are swooning over Erik. Erin sits
next to them.

JOY
Here comes Erik. He looks so perfect in those short shorts…

CHRISTINE
I could just eat up those milky, white thighs…

ERIN
Gross, you guys. That’s my brother.

CHRISTINE
Shut up, freckle-face! Nobody asked you!

Erin starts crying.

PAN UP:

15.
INT – JMCA – Arena – Bleachers

TORBY
Ugh, look at them swooning over Erik like a bunch of drunken idiots.
What’s he got that I don’t?

CASEY
Toned muscles, chiseled good looks, a winning personality…

TRAVIS
And that headband is pretty cool, too.

TORBY
What?! My hat is like ten times cooler than his stupid, striped
headband.
TRAVIS
Your hat is old and it smells bad! Now shut up so I can watch the game!

16.
INT – JMCA – Arena Floor
The players begin assembling at half-court.

ERIK
So, Rich, are you ready? You know, these Park High kids are from the
faraway kingdom of Cottage Grove. We have no idea what kind of special
powers they have, and they’ll probably kick your ass. So remember, do
your best out there.

Rich stops at the line and looks up at his opponent. He’s Black,
totally ripped, and about seven feet tall. He stares Rich down
menacingly. Rich gulps nervously.
The ref’s whistle blows and the basketball flies into the air.

17.
Montage – Whoomp! There It Is – Tag Team
The montage consists of various cliché basketball-playing scenes. The
teams appear to be evenly matched. The montage ends with the ref’s
whistle.

18.
INT – JMCA – Arena – Near End of Game
A shot of the scoreboard reveals that the score is 75 to 74, Wolfpack.

ANNOUNCER
The Wolfpack is up by one point in the final thirty seconds of the
game. The Fighting Calculators might be able to eke out a victory here
if they put in some fancy footwork. Here’s the ball toss!

Erik and a Wolfpack player both jump for the ball. Erik knocks it to
Rich, who holds it in his hands and looks down the court at his hoop.
He takes a few steps, but several Wolfpack players begin charging him.
None of his teammates are open.
In slow motion, Rich lobs the ball across the court. A short CUT to the
scoreboard shows time going at normal speed as the ball flies by in
slow motion. It looks like the ball’s going to make it into the hoop,
but it bounces off the rim at the last second. At full speed, Chris
hops up and tips it in on the rebound.
On the scoreboard, MSA’s score goes up 2 points as time runs out.

ANNOUNCER
They’ve done it! MSA squeaks by with a victory over the favored
Wolfpack! Unfortunately, they didn’t beat the spread, so it’s dog food
for my dinner tonight.

Back on the court, the team carries Chris above their heads,
celebrating their victory. Rich stands off to the side, contemplating
the lack of irony.
DISSOLVE TO:

19.
EXT – JMCA – Night
The Fighting Calculators stand around talking about their awesome
victory. Erik holds a tall trophy.

ERIK
I know this is our first game of the year, and there’s really no reason
to have a trophy, but I want to give this to Chris, our MVP tonight.

The other players cheer and clap as Erik hands the trophy to Chris.

CHRIS
Aw, thanks, guys. You shouldn’t have.

JAKE
I’ll take it!

CHRIS
No, fuck off, this is mine! You already gave it to me!

He walks away. The rest of the crowd disperses, but Erik turns to Rich.

ERIK
Well, you did sort of good tonight. You gotta step it up, though, if
you want to stay on the team.

RICH
Y’know, I’ve been thinking… You guys are real assholes. I mean, did we
really have to beat up the mascot?

ERIK
It’s the victory beating, bro! It’s tradition!

RICH
Yeah, but did we really have to beat up the other team?

ERIK
They’re invaders from another kingdom! We have to do our duty as
Adventurers!

RICH
Well, did we really have to beat up the ref?

ERIK
You saw that call he made! I was clearly inside the line! Only a
villain would make a bullshit call like that!

RICH
Uh-huh. Listen, I like to bend the rules as much as the next guy, but
this is just a ridiculous abuse of power. Eat a dick, I quit.

Rich takes off his jersey and drops it on the ground. Erik kneels down
to pick it up and watches Rich walk away.

ERIK
I’m gonna kick that guy’s ass so hard.

FADE TO BLACK
FADE IN:
20.
INT – MSA – Lunchroom – Lunchtime the next day
The guys are eating lunch.

CASEY
…so then he says: “don’t you dare put that rake up there!”

The guys laugh. Rich walks up with his lunch.

TORBY
Well, if it isn’t Mr. Too-Cool-for-Us-Traitor-Pants! Do you want to sit
at our table now?

RICH
I quit the basketball team.

TRAVIS
So you think that means you can sit with us now?

RICH (as epic speech music begins to play)

You see, guys, I learned a valuable lesson. Being ‘cool’ isn’t what
makes a person satisfied. It’s being with your friends, being around
people who care about you. Life shouldn’t be a popularity contest. It
should be about finding personal happiness and inner understanding.
That, and basketball is a really boring sport.

Beat

TORBY
Hmm… Interesting speech. I shall confer with my associates about
whether or not you will be allowed back. For now, you’re going to have
to sit next to the weird kid.

PAN TO Cody. He waves.

CODY
Hi, new best friend!

RICH (offscreen)
Dammit!

17.
Credits – Pizza Day – The Aquabats

18.
INT – Rich’s Room – Day
Rich walks into his room and drops his backpack in the corner. After
looking around suspiciously a couple times, he rips off his shorts.
Underneath, he is wearing his basketball short shorts. He spikes the
camera.

RICH
What? They’re comfy!

END.