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1. Plan Appropriately
First, make sure that you plan your communication appropriately. Use tools like
the Rhetorical Triangle , Monroe's Motivated Sequence , and the 7Cs of
Communication to think about how you'll structure what you're going to say.
When you do this, think about how important a book's first paragraph is; if it doesn't
grab you, you're likely going to put it down. The same principle goes for your speech:
from the beginning, you need to intrigue your audience.
For example, you could start with an interesting statistic, headline, or fact that pertains
to what you're talking about and resonates with your audience. You can also use story
telling as a powerful opener; our Expert Interviews with this.
Planning also helps you to think on your feet . This is especially important for
unpredictable question and answer sessions or last-minute communications.
Tip:
Remember that not all occasions when you need to speak in public will be scheduled.
You can make good impromptu speeches by having ideas and mini-speeches pre-
prepared. It also helps to have a good, thorough understanding of what's going on in
your organization and industry.
2. Practice
There's a good reason that we say, "Practice makes perfect!" You simply cannot be a
confident, compelling speaker without practice.
If you're going to be delivering a presentation or prepared speech, create it as early as
possible. The earlier you put it together, the more time you'll have to practice.
Practice it plenty of times alone, using the resources you'll rely on at the event, and, as
you practice, tweak your words until they flow smoothly and easily.
Then, if appropriate, do a dummy run in front of a small audience: this will help you
calm your jitters and make you feel more comfortable with the material. Your audience
can also give you useful feedback , both on your material and on your performance.
3. Engage With Your Audience
When you speak, try to engage your audience. This makes you feel less isolated as a
speaker and keeps everyone involved with your message. If appropriate, ask leading
questions targeted to individuals or groups, and encourage people to participate and
ask questions.
Keep in mind that some words reduce your power as a speaker. For instance, think
about how these sentences sound: "I just want to add that I think we can meet these
goals" or "I just think this plan is a good one." The words "just" and "I think" limit your
authority and conviction. Don't use them.
A similar word is "actually," as in, "Actually, I'd like to add that we were under budget
last quarter." When you use "actually," it conveys a sense of submissiveness or even
surprise. Instead, say what things are. "We were under budget last quarter" is clear and
direct.
Also, pay attention to how you're speaking. If you're nervous, you might talk quickly.
This increases the chances that you'll trip over your words, or say something you don't
mean. Force yourself to slow down by breathing deeply. Don't be afraid to gather your
thoughts; pauses are an important part of conversation, and they make you sound
confident, natural, and authentic.
Finally, avoid reading word-for-word from your notes. Instead, make a list of important
points on cue cards, or, as you get better at public speaking, try to memorize what
you're going to say – you can still refer back to your cue cards when you need them.
Key Points
Chances are that you'll sometimes have to speak in public as part of your role. While
this can seem intimidating, the benefits of being able to speak well outweigh any
perceived fears. To become a better speaker, use the following strategies:
Plan appropriately.
Practice.
Engage with your audience.
Pay attention to body language.
Think positively.
Cope with your nerves.
Watch recordings of your speeches.
If you speak well in public, it can help you get a job or promotion, raise awareness for
your team or organization, and educate others. The more you push yourself to speak in
front of others, the better you'll become, and the more confidence you'll have.
What is a Lone Wolf?
A lone wolf is typically defined as a person (or animal) who prefers to spend time alone
rather than being in a group. However, here lone wolf refers to a person who has
listened to their calling and has left behind their old life, thus rendering them alone or
alienated from others. We all possess an inner wolf that thirsts for freedom, truth, and
authenticity. If we seek to live a meaningful life, if we want to fulfill our destiny, it’s our
job to listen to that inner wolf and embrace our sacred wild nature.
Why Most People Are Terrified of Walking Their Own Path?
Although choosing your own path may initially sound very empowering, there’s a reason
why most people prefer to follow the herd.
Firstly, walking your own path means that you might be REJECTED by others. You
might be gossiped about, thought of in disparaging ways (e.g. as a “kook,” “oddball,”
“idiot”), and outright alienated or estranged from other people. Sometimes those people
who reject you are those closest to you. And what could be more painful than losing a
family member, friend or even partner?
As a species, we are biologically programmed to seek approval because acceptance
equals survival. Inevitably, doing anything that may cause us to be rejected sets off
those deep, primal alarm bells and raises the hairs on the back of our necks. I would go
so far as saying that walking your own path guarantees that at some point someone
will look down on you and say, “what on earth are you doing, you imbecile?”
The second reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s a hell of a
lotta work. No one is out there giving you a map, a set of rules, or instructions that tell
you what to do. YOU have to be responsible for figuring it all out from scratch. It kind
of feels like stumbling through the dark in a room full of sharp objects. You will make
mistakes. You will fall flat and land smack bang on your face. You will feel embarrassed,
overwhelmed, and a lot of other uncomfortable emotions that come with doing
something completely radical. And on a mental and emotional level, most people see
that. Most people understand, on some superficial level, the consequences and
therefore prefer the cozy, comfortable, and bland mediocrity of society-prescribed
living.
The third reason why most people avoid walking their own paths is that it’s “too much”
RESPONSIBILITY. When you take your path into your own hands, YOU are responsible.
There’s no one to blame, point the finger at, whine about or feel victimized by. You are
the worker, boss, innovator, and creator all-in-one. Instead of someone else holding all
the cards, you hold all the cards, and it is ultimately your problem if you wind up feeling
shitty with what you do. Most people can’t handle that. Most people like the comfy
confines of their cages because it makes them feel justified about feeling like a “poor
little” victim of life. Instead of taking self-responsibility, it’s much easier to dump the
burden onto someone else’s shoulders and feel self-righteously empowered through
blame.
And last, but not least, the fourth reason why most people avoid walking their own
paths is that they don’t know where to start. Some don’t even know that there is
another path, to begin with. We seem to be raised in cultures that tell us that there are
a limited number of paths, aka. the paths that are taught by the big money-making
University and College industries. In school, we are conditioned to believe that going to
University is the only path towards developing a legitimately “fulfilling” career path …
and that getting a properly certified career path somehow equals happiness. Very few
of us are even taught about other equally, if not fulfilling paths. Spirituality isn’t even
touched on in most cases. So when we do stumble upon the possibility of taking a new
path that goes against the grain, we are not only intimidated but also invalidated by our
social conditioning. Many people believe that the only way to know you’re walking a
“proper” or valuable is if you get the approval of social institutions (or shall I say social
marketplaces) in the form of degrees and PhDs. The deep distrust we are conditioned
to develop in ourselves paralyzes our ability to act. So many of us never make anything
of our dreams – they just fester in the back-corners of our minds.
The Many Weird and Wonderful Benefits of Walking Your Own Path
So far we’ve focused only on the negative side of walking your own path and being a
lone wolf. But what about the breathtaking, exciting, blood-tingly-good benefits? When
comparing the negatives and positives side by side, let me tell you, the negatives pale
in comparison to what you can expect to experience.
Yes, being different and being a lone wolf walking your own path can be
uncomfortable, tiring, confusing, and alienating at times – BUT there are so many
rewards to reap from this courageous way of living. Some include:
You are free to follow your true soul path
You can innovate and create to your heart’s desire
You can connect with people who truly support and nourish you (your soul
group)
You can experience tremendous mental, emotional, and spiritual growth
You can become the person you are destined to be
You can make a real difference in the life of others
You feel more ALIVE
Gratitude, excitement, and joy come more easily
Many unexpected doors open to you
You feel more vibrant and energized
You feel a sense of self-respect for courageously pursuing your life purpose
You get to experience the thrill of exploring unknown territory
You can go to sleep at night feeling happy and content
Does walking your own path always mean that you’ll have to embrace being a lone wolf
or social outsider? No, not always. Maybe your life purpose really is to enter statistics
into a data file in an office. Maybe it’s simply being an acceptable member of society. If
you feel empowered by that or like it’s for a greater purpose, all the more power to
you. But I would argue that there’s a difference between defensive complacency (e.g.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m perfectly happy in this path/job, thank
you very much”) and real fulfillment.
I would also argue that spiritually speaking, we are all required to embrace the path of
the lone wolf sooner or later. The very way that society is constructed demands that we
must forcibly and intentionally take a different route, especially after we’ve experienced
a spiritual awakening or dark night of the soul. At a certain point in our lives, we look
around at everything and everyone around us and think, “there’s got to be more.” This
thirst for something deeper and greater than material pursuit is what initiates us onto
the path of the lone wolf. Why do I call it the path of the lone wolf? The reason why I
call it the lone wolf path is that it can initially be a very lonely path. We must be the
ones to reconnect with our inner courage, discernment, and wild internal compass to
walk the path well. Without embodying the inner strength, resilience, and intelligence
represented by the wolf, we can easily fall back into the shallow and mediocre life lived
by the billions of sheep out there.
How to Embrace Being a Lone Wolf and Walk Your OWN Path
Walking your own path, on some level, always requires a conscious choice in which you
say “YES, this feels true to me and what my soul really craves for.” Even if you
accidentally stumble onto that path, walking an authentic path always requires some
level of self-reflection.
At some point in your life journey, you will need to embrace being a lone wolf. You’ll
have to go at it alone. You’ll have to go against the grain, break free from the herd, ask
the difficult questions, and face the confronting truths which may alienate you from
others. You will need to be discerning, see through the bullshit, shrug off the haters,
and keep moving forward, even if you are tired of fighting. Being a lone wolf means
being a warrior. It means standing up for what you believe in and courageously walking
into the wild unknown. It’s all worth it. I can assure you of that and I can keep
asserting it until I turn black and blue, but ultimately you must discover this for
yourself. Don’t take anything I say as truth unless you have experienced it directly.
If you’re drawn towards embracing your inner wolf and courageously walking your own
path, here are some helpful pointers:
3. Question everything
Being a lone wolf and walking your own path go hand-in-hand with a sharp mind. How
are we to discover what is our “stuff” vs other’s “stuff” if we can’t be discerning? How
can we learn what is true and what is deceptive without the ability to analyze? Your
mind is a tool that needs to be sharpened. Without having a sharp mind, it’s easy to fall
into delusion, naivety, and stumble into rabbit holes which lead to great confusion.
Without the ability to use critical thought (and balance that with an open heart), you
can easily fall prey to emotional and spiritual predators out there. Your ability to be
discerning is your protective sword on your path. I can’t emphasize enough how
important it is to be discerning! Don’t let anyone convince you of anything until you
have experienced it yourself. Read more about the importance of spiritual discernment.
4. Love yourself and be your own best friend
Embracing the path of the wolf and taking responsibility for your life can be lonely. If
you are your own worst enemy, your path will be a million times harder. But if you can
focus some of that energy on learning to love and accept yourself exactly the way you
are (warts and all), your path will be a million times easier. You are with yourself 24/7,
you are the only person who has been there by your side through everything … doesn’t
it make sense to like who you are? Doesn’t it make sense to enjoy spending time with
yourself? In my experience it absolutely does. Practicing self-compassion and
learning how to love yourself are the most powerful tools and strengths you can
possess.
5. Know yourself
Strive to learn a little bit more about yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses
each and every day. Self-discovery and self-understanding are tremendously important
facets of walking your own path. As the wise master Lao Tzu once wrote, “He who
knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” Only when you can come
to deeply know yourself can you truly embrace who you are and walk your path with
confidence.
Develop awareness
When we’re aware, we can recognize how we are responding and reacting to our own
fears, creating a moment between our emotions and our actions. We can then choose
to respond in a healthier way.
Write in a journal
Many of our thoughts and feelings are locked in our subconscious mind and writing can
help to bring them into our awareness. Writing about the way we feel and think can
help to separate negative ideas about ourselves from the truth of who we really are.
Be non-judgmental
When we approach our lives non-judgmentally, we simply accept ourselves, our
experiences, our failures and successes and other people just as they are, neither good
or bad, without pride or shame.
Let go
Non-attachment, or letting go, is the goal of mindfulness. When you let go of what you
think you should do or who you should be, you can trust yourself and choose what’s
right for you.
Passion is one of those words that people use often without really understanding the
original meaning of the word. When most people refer to "passion", they use it to mean
strong emotions reflecting an intense desire or boundless enthusiasm.
It was only after reading Aspire by Kevin Hall and confirming with the dictionary, did I
realize that "passion" originally meant:
A Willingness to Suffer for What You Love
The most famous example being the passion of Jesus Christ. This definition has
changed my perspective about passion. I no longer use it to describe something that I
feel strongly about or that excites me. I use it to describe an activity, goal or cause that
I care about so much that I am willing to suffer for it. This new standard makes it
easier to discern whether something is truly my passion or simply a strong interest.
People who make a difference in their own lives and the world do so by following their
passion. This means making the conscious decision to give up other enjoyable activities
to focus your energy on the most important activities. Great parents naturally do this
when they have children and like raising kids, doing what you love is very hard work yet
rewarding at the same time. The good news is when you pursue your passion, you'll not
only like where you end up but enjoy the journey along the way.
Look at your life and highlight the things you love that you're willing to suffer for. This
self-reflection will give you insight into what you're passionate about. If you're not sure,
just pick something you enjoy and see if you're willing to give up other activities to
spend more time on it. Remember that in life you can choose and change your actions -
just also keep in mind that you're responsible for the consequences.
Don't settle for a life that is only so-so.
Start living your best life today.
“There comes a time when you ought to start doing what you want. Take a job that you
love. You will jump out of bed in the morning. I think you are out of your mind if you
keep taking jobs that you don't like because you think it will look good on your resume.
Isn't that a little like saving up sex for your old age?”
-Warren Buffett