(not enormous, comical, or shaped like a zucchini in a fedora)

Perfectly Reasonable Crocheted Packer

by Janet Dawson of The Bobbin Tree for Dongalong 2019

First, a note regarding sizing:

The average adult male penis is 3.5-4” (9-10 cm)
long when flaccid, which is what we’re aiming to
replicate. With a 3.5mm hook and the
recommended DK weight cotton yarn, the pattern
as written creates a slightly larger than average
penis (about 4.5” long when stuffed and sewn up).
This is the size to make if you're not aiming to
make a bigger or larger packer for some reason.
The stitch counts specifically for this size are
given in blue. Instructions and stitch counts in
black apply to both sizes.
With a worsted weight cotton yarn such as Bernat's Handicrafter, the packer produced
will be larger – quite possibly too large for all but... special occasions. To make a regular
sized packer with worsted weight yarn, use the stitch counts that appear in pink inside
square brackets [like this] instead of the blue numbers given.
To adjust girth, add or subtract a stitch or two from the starting chain for each part. To
adjust length, add or subtract rounds as required. Alternately, use the blue numbers with
thicker yarn and a larger hook for a larger packer, or with finer yarn and a smaller hook
for a smaller packer.

Abbreviations:
hdc – half double crochet sl – slip
hdc2tog – half double crochet two together st – stitch
sc – single crochet sts – stitches
sc2tog – single crochet two together tbl – through the back loop
© Janet Dawson, www.thebobbintree.com November 2019
Shaft:
Leaving a 12” (25-30 cm) tail to sew up with later, ch 15 [12] and slip st to 1st stitch to
form a loop [= 15/12 sts]
hdc in a spiral until tube = 3.5” (about 11 [9] rounds)

Head:
Round 1: (2hdc, hdc) x4, hdc x7 [x5] [=19/16 sts]
Round 2: sc tbl around (or just sc around if you want the packer to look uncircumcised.)
Round 3: sc around
(Skip Round 4 if you have 16 sts now)
Round 4: sc4, (sc2tog, sc 3) x3 [=16 sts]
Both sizes:
Round 5: (sc2 tog, sc 2) x4 [=12 sts]
Round 6: (sc2tog, sc) x4 [=8 sts]
Finish off, leaving a tail. Thread tail through tapestry needle and then sew it through
each stitch of the last round. Pull tightly closed. Bury the tail inside the penis.

Scrotum:
ch 15 [13]. Do NOT join.
Round 1: Starting with 2nd st from hook, hdc into each stitch, then hdc twice more into
last stitch. Work hdcs back long the chain into the other side of the same stitches, again
working three hdc into the last stitch. This should give you approximately 32 [28]
stitches.
Round 2: hdc one round. Put a stitch marker in the centre stitch of one side (doesn't
matter which). From now on, this is the “front” side.
Round 3-10: work in hdc, except hdc2tog at the marked stitch (or thereabouts) on each
round. Note that the “seam” will wander a bit because of the way crochet spirals - this is
GOOD. Testicles aren’t usually symmetrical. [~24/20 sts]

© Janet Dawson, www.thebobbintree.com November 2019

Round 11: hdc2tog at centre front, centre back, and either edge [~21/17 sts]
Round 12: hdc2tog at centre front, centre back, and either edge [~17/13 sts]
Finish off, leaving a 12” (25-30 cm) tail for sewing up.

Assembly:
Note that, if you're making the packer for the Dongalong or dropping it off at The
Bobbin Tree, you don't need to stuff it and sew it. Unstuffed and in pieces is fine.
Use Polyfil or some other hypoallergenic stuffing.
DO NOT OVERSTUFF. The goal here is casual every day wear, not to give the wearer a
permanent erection. You shouldn’t see the stuffing through the stitches, or at least not
very much. Leave the last 1” of the penis unstuffed and, holding it so that the fuller side
of the head is up, pinch the top of the shaft flat and sew closed in a line. Bury the tail
inside the penis.
Stuff the scrotum the same way: not too full, top 1” (2.5 cm) unstuffed, pinched flat and
sewn closed. (If desired, put a little stuffing in the bottom of the scrotum, make two
small “testicles” out of left over yarn and wrap them in stuffing, then put them into the
scrotum before stuffing it the rest of the way.)
With the fuller side of the penis and the seam of the scrotum both facing forward (not
facing each other), centre the flat edge of the penis along the flat edge of the scrotum
and sew together. Making sure to attach the corners of the penis edge securely. DO NOT
CUT TAIL.
Sew tail through the scrotum and out to the surface approximately in the centre of the
front (this is about 6 rows down and along the “seam” if you want to measure). Sew
through a stitch in the middle of the back of the penis, also about 6 rows down from
where it’s sewn to the scrotum. Pull the slack out of the tail so that the penis is tacked
down to the scrotum and doesn’t flap around. Anchor the tail securely but don’t cut off.
Instead, bury the rest of the tail in the scrotum. This will allow the packer to be opened
up and adjusted or restuffed completely if necessary.

This pattern was written by Janet Dawson of The Bobbin Tree for Dongalong 2019. Feel free to use this pattern to make
packers for yourself or others, to donate packers made from this pattern, or to share this pattern with others who will use it
in the same spirit. Do NOT sell this pattern or packers made from it.

© Janet Dawson, www.thebobbintree.com November 2019