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Distance

Reconciliation

How to use the EBP Advanced System in a Long Distance Relationship

Published April 2016

By Kevin Thompson

Reconciliation How to use the EBP Advanced System in a Long Distance Relationship Published April 2016

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Distance Reconciliation

INTRODUCTION

If a couple survives a long distance relationship, they can pretty much survive

anything. That’s what most people think about a LDR. Pretty much everyone knows how hard it is to survive it and how much testing it can be on a couple.

In some cases, an LDR can help you realize how much you want someone and

that you will go to any extent just to keep the relationship alive. On the other

hand, a long distance relationship can make you realize that the person you are with is not really worth the effort and that it’s better that you end it.

If you broke up with your ex while being in a long distance relationship, then

you probably fall in the second category. Your ex (or you) decided to end the relationship because they thought that the love you had just wasn’t special enough for them to keep putting in the effort required to keep it alive.

Changing your ex’s mind will be extremely hard. But it’s possible. Before we get into how to do that, let’s talk about the different types of LDR.

1. A relationship that started as an LDR.

A lot of relationships start long distance. It could be that you met your partner

on a trip or an event, and you both liked each other enough to start a

relationship. You made compromises in your personal life just so you could get

to know each other more. As the relationship grew, you decided you want to

spend more time together and you are willing to make life changing decisions just so you could be in the same city as your partner.

Relationships like this are usually very strong because you wouldn’t start a LDR with someone unless you feel a very strong connection and attraction with them.

If this is your case, then that strong connection will still be there after the

breakup and you can use it to get your ex back.

2. A relationship that became LDR after being together for a while.

If you have been in a relationship for a while and one of you decide to move out

of town because of a job or education, then you fall into this category. You both

decided that you will try the LDR thing but as it turns out, it’s very hard to

you fall into this category. You both decided that you will try the LDR thing but

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Distance Reconciliation

maintain a Long distance relationship. The stress of maintaining the relationship took a toll on you both. Or perhaps, one of you realized that the other one isn’t worth the trouble.

A relationship like this can be hard to salvage. But it’s not impossible. You can use the same principles in The EPB Advanced System and get effective results. This type of relationship again falls under two categories.

a) There is a set time period of the LDR.

When you are going out of town for only a limited period of time and you both have assured each other that you will be together once that period is over. It could be that you have to go abroad for a job position only for a year. Or you are doing a course in a university that only lasts two years. And you intend to return to your hometown once the course is over.

If both of you know that the LDR is only temporary and you both feel secure enough that you will be with your partner again after a certain period of time, then it’s a lot easier to maintain the relationship. There will still be challenges, but your mind has a little bit of security knowing that once this period is over, you can be in the arms of the one you live.

b) There is no set time period

On the other hand, there are situations where you have no idea how long you both will be separate. And neither one of you has made a commitment to try to be in the same city.

For example, your partner moved to another city for a better job and you have shown no signs of wanting to leave your job and find a job in their city. Or when your sweetheart goes to college in another city but he/she doesn’t have a strong desire to return to her/his hometown once the college is finished.

A LDR like this can be very straining as it clearly shows the lack of interest from one partner to maintain the relationship.

like this can be very straining as it clearly shows the lack of interest from one

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Distance Reconciliation

Opportunity to Strengthen or a Blessing in Disguise?

Like I said before, LDR can be one of the most challenging things a couple may have to face. But it’s also a great opportunity for them to strengthen the bond they have. Living apart from someone you love makes you realize how much you want them. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”.

Since you have probably broken up with your ex, it gives you a unique opportunity to either strengthen the bond with your ex, or move on from a relationship that was never meant to last.

I know it’s not something that you want to hear, but if your relationship couldn’t last the test of long distance, then it’s probably not as special as you thought it to be.

Remember, a relationship is a two way street, and if your ex is not willing to make the compromises to keep the love alive, there isn’t much you can do to.

You can, however, give it one last shot before you call it over. But before you do, you must be absolutely sure that this is what you want. Because even if you do get back with your ex, you will still have to make a lot of compromises and perhaps even some life changing decisions just to keep the relationship alive.

Getting Them Back

The basic plan to get your ex back in a LDR is pretty much the same as when you are in the same city. You follow the same steps that are written in the EBP Advanced guide. However, there are a few differences.

The No Contact Rule.

You still have to follow the no contact rule and do everything that’s written in it. However, you have the additional task of figuring out if you and your ex can make the long distance relationship work.

To make a long distance relationship work, you have to have a plan and set goals for each other. Here are a few key points that you must think through.

work, you have to have a plan and set goals for each other. Here are a

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Distance Reconciliation

1. Do you see yourself in the same city as your ex in the future? If you don’t see any chance of you two being in the same city in the next 2 years, then it’s probably not a good idea to try to get them back.

2. Will you be able to travel and meet each other occasionally? It’s important that you both get to meet each other and be intimate if you want the relationship to work. I recommend to develop a plan where you two will be able to see each other at least once a month.

3. Are you both at the same stage in life and do you both want the same things from a relationship? When it comes to relationship goals, you have to be absolutely clear about what you want and what your ex wants. If your ex just wants a casual relationship and you are looking for something serious, then there is no way a long distance relationship will work.

4. Are you both comfortable with the sacrifices you have to make in a long distance relationship? If one of you needs physical intimacy on a regular basis, or if one of you is uncomfortable with long phone calls or skype calls; then you might not be cut out for a LDR. It could still be worth giving a shot, but your chances of surviving as a couple will reduce drastically if you (or your ex) are not the type of person who can make these sacrifices. It will be easier if you just accept the circumstances and let this one go, instead of fighting an uphill battle.

The First Contact

The first contact with your ex remains exactly the same even if you are in a long distance relationship. Just follow the steps in the EBP guide.

The Rebuilding

When it comes to rebuilding attraction, and connection, then you are at a distinct disadvantage. Since you and your ex will not be able to meet, you will be unable to use the most effective strategy to rebuild attraction and connection. However, you can still use the rest of the methods i.e. texting, phone conversations and social media.

and connection. However, you can still use the rest of the methods i.e. texting, phone conversations

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Distance Reconciliation

Since you and your ex are not together, trying to set up a meeting with them will look like a desperate move.

Instead, I recommend you continue building attraction, connection and trust through text messages, phone calls and social media. If your ex responds positively and you think you two have built a strong connection, then ask them to come on skype.

Talking on skype is a lot more effective than talking on phone since it will give you the opportunity to look at your ex in the eye while talking to them. It will also give you the opportunity to demonstrate your value and show them how much you have changed.

However, it will still not be as effective as meeting them in person.

To meet your ex, you will have to plan something subtle. Plan a trip to their city or a place close to their city and ask them that you would like to meet them while you are in the area. For example, if they have a band playing in their city, you can use that as an excuse to visit.

It’s even better if you plan the trip with your friends. It will make the trip look less contrived.

When you meet them, you will have just one date or only two-three dates to make an impression. So make sure you use this time to just have a great time with your ex.

Sex With Your Ex

If you do decide to meet with your ex, before you both have officially gotten back together, then I will recommend you don’t try to hold off on the sex. Let everything go with the flow and see where things land up. However, like I said before, make sure you have built enough connection with your ex before you even try to meet them. If you two already feel connected with each other, then the sex will only make the bond stronger. And it will increase the chances of getting back together.

each other, then the sex will only make the bond stronger. And it will increase the

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Talking About Getting Back Together

Once you and your ex have had a date, and you two have been intimate with each other, then it’s very likely that your ex will bring up the topic of getting back together. Of course, this is assuming that you two feel connected to each other and it wasn’t just a one-time emotion-less sex.

If they don’t bring it up, then wait for a couple weeks and try to plan another trip with your ex. If you have already made a trip to his/her town and you two had a good time together, then you should invite them to your place or ask them to meet at a different town for vacation.

Eventually, the topic of your relationship will come up, and when it does, you must be prepared.

Goal Settings and LDR Issues

When your ex (or you) brings up the topic of getting back together, you must be prepared. This is where all the homework you have done during no contact will pay off. You need to be prepared to tackle any doubts they might have about the relationship. If you have built enough connection, attraction and trust with them; then your ex obviously thinks of you as someone special. And they probably want a way to be a part of his/her future. But they also have doubts because you both tried long distance relationship before and it failed.

Hopefully, you will be prepared for all the doubts they have. The questions I asked you in the no contact section of this report will help you understand what can make the long distance relationship work. If you want a more in depth guide on building and maintaining long distance relationships, check out this guide on amazon.

want a more in depth guide on building and maintaining long distance relationships, check out this

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