Distance

Reconciliation

How to use the EBP Advanced System in a Long

Distance Relationship
Published April 2016

By Kevin Thompson
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 Distance Reconciliation

INTRODUCTION
If a couple survives a long distance relationship, they can pretty much survive
anything. That’s what most people think about a LDR. Pretty much everyone
knows how hard it is to survive it and how much testing it can be on a couple.

In some cases, an LDR can help you realize how much you want someone and
that you will go to any extent just to keep the relationship alive. On the other
hand, a long distance relationship can make you realize that the person you are
with is not really worth the effort and that it’s better that you end it.

If you broke up with your ex while being in a long distance relationship, then
you probably fall in the second category. Your ex (or you) decided to end the
relationship because they thought that the love you had just wasn’t special
enough for them to keep putting in the effort required to keep it alive.

Changing your ex’s mind will be extremely hard. But it’s possible. Before we
get into how to do that, let’s talk about the different types of LDR.

1. A relationship that started as an LDR.

A lot of relationships start long distance. It could be that you met your partner
on a trip or an event, and you both liked each other enough to start a
relationship. You made compromises in your personal life just so you could get
to know each other more. As the relationship grew, you decided you want to
spend more time together and you are willing to make life changing decisions
just so you could be in the same city as your partner.

Relationships like this are usually very strong because you wouldn’t start a LDR
with someone unless you feel a very strong connection and attraction with them.
If this is your case, then that strong connection will still be there after the
breakup and you can use it to get your ex back.

2. A relationship that became LDR after being together for a while.

If you have been in a relationship for a while and one of you decide to move out
of town because of a job or education, then you fall into this category. You both
decided that you will try the LDR thing but as it turns out, it’s very hard to

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maintain a Long distance relationship. The stress of maintaining the relationship

took a toll on you both. Or perhaps, one of you realized that the other one isn’t
worth the trouble.

A relationship like this can be hard to salvage. But it’s not impossible. You can
use the same principles in The EPB Advanced System and get effective results.
This type of relationship again falls under two categories.

a) There is a set time period of the LDR.

When you are going out of town for only a limited period of time and you both
have assured each other that you will be together once that period is over. It
could be that you have to go abroad for a job position only for a year. Or you
are doing a course in a university that only lasts two years. And you intend to
return to your hometown once the course is over.

If both of you know that the LDR is only temporary and you both feel secure
enough that you will be with your partner again after a certain period of time,
then it’s a lot easier to maintain the relationship. There will still be challenges,
but your mind has a little bit of security knowing that once this period is over,
you can be in the arms of the one you live.

b) There is no set time period

On the other hand, there are situations where you have no idea how long you
both will be separate. And neither one of you has made a commitment to try to
be in the same city.

For example, your partner moved to another city for a better job and you have
shown no signs of wanting to leave your job and find a job in their city. Or
when your sweetheart goes to college in another city but he/she doesn’t have a
strong desire to return to her/his hometown once the college is finished.

A LDR like this can be very straining as it clearly shows the lack of interest
from one partner to maintain the relationship.

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 Distance Reconciliation

Opportunity to Strengthen or a Blessing in Disguise?

Like I said before, LDR can be one of the most challenging things a couple may
have to face. But it’s also a great opportunity for them to strengthen the bond
they have. Living apart from someone you love makes you realize how much
you want them. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”.

Since you have probably broken up with your ex, it gives you a unique
opportunity to either strengthen the bond with your ex, or move on from a
relationship that was never meant to last.

I know it’s not something that you want to hear, but if your relationship
couldn’t last the test of long distance, then it’s probably not as special as you
thought it to be.

Remember, a relationship is a two way street, and if your ex is not willing to

make the compromises to keep the love alive, there isn’t much you can do to.

You can, however, give it one last shot before you call it over. But before you
do, you must be absolutely sure that this is what you want. Because even if you
do get back with your ex, you will still have to make a lot of compromises and
perhaps even some life changing decisions just to keep the relationship alive.

Getting Them Back

The basic plan to get your ex back in a LDR is pretty much the same as when
you are in the same city. You follow the same steps that are written in the EBP
Advanced guide. However, there are a few differences.

The No Contact Rule.

You still have to follow the no contact rule and do everything that’s written in
it. However, you have the additional task of figuring out if you and your ex can
make the long distance relationship work.

To make a long distance relationship work, you have to have a plan and set
goals for each other. Here are a few key points that you must think through.

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 Distance Reconciliation

1. Do you see yourself in the same city as your ex in the future? If you don’t
see any chance of you two being in the same city in the next 2 years, then
it’s probably not a good idea to try to get them back.
2. Will you be able to travel and meet each other occasionally? It’s
important that you both get to meet each other and be intimate if you
want the relationship to work. I recommend to develop a plan where you
two will be able to see each other at least once a month.
3. Are you both at the same stage in life and do you both want the same
things from a relationship? When it comes to relationship goals, you have
to be absolutely clear about what you want and what your ex wants. If
your ex just wants a casual relationship and you are looking for
something serious, then there is no way a long distance relationship will
work.
4. Are you both comfortable with the sacrifices you have to make in a long
distance relationship? If one of you needs physical intimacy on a regular
basis, or if one of you is uncomfortable with long phone calls or skype
calls; then you might not be cut out for a LDR. It could still be worth
giving a shot, but your chances of surviving as a couple will reduce
drastically if you (or your ex) are not the type of person who can make
these sacrifices. It will be easier if you just accept the circumstances and
let this one go, instead of fighting an uphill battle.

The First Contact

The first contact with your ex remains exactly the same even if you are in a long
distance relationship. Just follow the steps in the EBP guide.

The Rebuilding
When it comes to rebuilding attraction, and connection, then you are at a
distinct disadvantage. Since you and your ex will not be able to meet, you will
be unable to use the most effective strategy to rebuild attraction and connection.
However, you can still use the rest of the methods i.e. texting, phone
conversations and social media.

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 Distance Reconciliation

Since you and your ex are not together, trying to set up a meeting with them
will look like a desperate move.

Instead, I recommend you continue building attraction, connection and trust

through text messages, phone calls and social media. If your ex responds
positively and you think you two have built a strong connection, then ask them
to come on skype.

Talking on skype is a lot more effective than talking on phone since it will give
you the opportunity to look at your ex in the eye while talking to them. It will
also give you the opportunity to demonstrate your value and show them how
much you have changed.

However, it will still not be as effective as meeting them in person.

To meet your ex, you will have to plan something subtle. Plan a trip to their city
or a place close to their city and ask them that you would like to meet them
while you are in the area. For example, if they have a band playing in their city,
you can use that as an excuse to visit.

It’s even better if you plan the trip with your friends. It will make the trip look
less contrived.

When you meet them, you will have just one date or only two-three dates to
make an impression. So make sure you use this time to just have a great time
with your ex.

Sex With Your Ex

If you do decide to meet with your ex, before you both have officially gotten
back together, then I will recommend you don’t try to hold off on the sex. Let
everything go with the flow and see where things land up. However, like I said
before, make sure you have built enough connection with your ex before you
even try to meet them. If you two already feel connected with each other, then
the sex will only make the bond stronger. And it will increase the chances of
getting back together.

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Talking About Getting Back Together

Once you and your ex have had a date, and you two have been intimate with
each other, then it’s very likely that your ex will bring up the topic of getting
back together. Of course, this is assuming that you two feel connected to each
other and it wasn’t just a one-time emotion-less sex.

If they don’t bring it up, then wait for a couple weeks and try to plan another
trip with your ex. If you have already made a trip to his/her town and you two
had a good time together, then you should invite them to your place or ask them
to meet at a different town for vacation.

Eventually, the topic of your relationship will come up, and when it does, you
must be prepared.

Goal Settings and LDR Issues

When your ex (or you) brings up the topic of getting back together, you must be
prepared. This is where all the homework you have done during no contact will
pay off. You need to be prepared to tackle any doubts they might have about the
relationship. If you have built enough connection, attraction and trust with
them; then your ex obviously thinks of you as someone special. And they
probably want a way to be a part of his/her future. But they also have doubts
because you both tried long distance relationship before and it failed.

Hopefully, you will be prepared for all the doubts they have. The questions I
asked you in the no contact section of this report will help you understand what
can make the long distance relationship work. If you want a more in depth guide
on building and maintaining long distance relationships, check out this guide on
amazon.