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Andrea Guerrero

Dr. Guenzel

ENC1101 / 0024

11 November 2019

Paper 2 Final Draft

Path to a Better Family

Introduction

Seeing my dad leave wasn’t the worst sight; him never returning to see his children hurt

more. “Don’t worry about me coming back,” was the last thing we heard from him before the

front door slammed, but we had heard it multiple times before. After three days filled with

heated arguments on the phone between my parents and no return of my dad, my mom started

with her nightly crying. And I think that hurt the most. Seeing my mom filled with a sadness of

losing the love of her life, broke my heart to pieces and I knew I had to be the one to fix it

because my sisters and I were the last pillars of her support system. Being forced to rely on her

children, she endured a lot of stress which would also affect us, and we saw different sides to

each other as this event shaped the four of us. James Paul Gee states (Gee 8) “Our primary

discourse constitutes our original and home-based sense of identity, and, I believe, it can be seen

whenever we are interacting with ‘intimates’ in totally casual (unmonitored) social interaction.”

In my house, we’re a very tight-knit group, and I’m a much more open person around my family

than around others. We speak our mind because we’re not afraid to tell each other our real

opinions, and we value the honesty and transparency we have between us. Having this major

event happen to us, brought us closer in ways we would have never expected. Within my
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discourse community, made up by my mom, two sisters, and I, we had one objective in mind

which was to encourage my mom to get over my dad.

Methodology

Getting over any breakup is hard enough as it is, but after investing your heart, mind, and

soul into someone for 20 years, it takes a bigger toll on you. We believed that for our family to

continue functioning the way it did, and to function even better now that we have one less parent

figure, we, including my mom herself, needed her to be okay. To ensure my mom’s welfare, she

needed to slowly, but surely, not allow thoughts of my dad affect her. We never expected her to

completely get over him because of their deep history, but to get to a point where she can brush it

off and carry on with her day.

With all this occurring, we knew the most sensitive thing right now was my mom’s emotions

and feelings. Although she was always able to put up a front, we knew how she truly felt, and we

took measures to help her cope with it. In the beginning, my mom and I would get into multiple

arguments about my dad. I never had the intention of fighting but the subject if my dad would

get me riled up and hearing my mom talk about him as if he would change and be a better person

when he’s shown us multiple time that he won’t, would add on to my anger. I always wanted to

show her how I felt about him and for her to not blind herself with his empty promises and

manipulations. Eventually, in the span of a couple months, we were able to turn these instances

into civil conversations where we were able to express how we felt about my dad and how I felt

about her thoughts with less temperament. After we were able to get into this topic with a more

accepting mindset, my sisters joined in, and we all allowed her to let her emotions, feelings, and

thoughts about my dad flow out to us, along with her tears. We knew she needed to have a safe
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space with no judgement to get this all off her chest. At this point, we were aware that she knew

what was best for her, although she didn’t want it to be. During this time of processing the reality

of the situation and that things were going to change and most likely never be the same, we

stayed by her side and offered ourselves to her in any way we could. We spent a lot of quality

family time together because we felt that it would be beneficial for her healing to give her a

couple hours every day where she can feel like there’s always going to be someone there for you.

And what better feeling is there than knowing this support comes willingly from your kids?

Being only children, we didn’t have some sort of methodically thought plan that we

followed along with every day, but we did have some unsaid ground rules when it came to taking

care of our mom. We knew a softer approach had to be taken during this sensitive time to allow

her to heal, albeit rather slowly, but anything was progress. When she had her moments in which

she would start talking to us about our dad and how she missed him or wished things were

different, we made it a point to not support the idea of them getting back together but to not

criticize her on how she felt. Rather we would simply remind her on the things he’s done so she

can remember how terrible he made her feel, and hopefully, slowly learn for herself how to

remind herself the same things we do whenever she has these intruding thoughts. Furthermore,

knowing that our mom is going through a hard time and has to take care and provide of 3 kids by

herself, we all silently agreed not to make matters more difficult for her. When asked to do tasks

or chores or favors we’ll do them. However, I’ll be the first to admit that at time I do complain

and my sisters will complain more, but we try our best to do what is asked of us to give my mom

less of a hard time, especially on days where he comes up. Taking more responsibilities in our

house has not only helped out my mom but the way our house functions and gives our life more

order, which in turn, eases my mom with any extra stress she has.
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While helping my mom cope with this event and getting her to a place where she can

look back at this as irrelevant, we’ve all had to take different roles in achieving this outcome.

Because I’m the oldest, most of the responsibilities needed after my dad left fell on me more than

my sisters. I had to depend on my mom less for money since I had my own source of income and

I paid my bills myself including gas, car insurance, trips, etc. When my mom wants something

done that, she can’t do herself or just needs an extra set of hands to help her, she’ll rely on me.

Whether it be shopping for groceries, helping my youngest sister with a school project, driving

around my middle sister to see her friends, or anything that she needed her partner for, I’ll take

the responsibility and she counts on me to be there for her. My sisters’ responsibility didn’t

change as much other than doing a few more chores around the house since I was busier and was

relied on with bigger obligations already. Aside from the materialistic things we would help out

with, the three of us were there for our mom equally because we all wanted to see her doing

better. We had no problem with hearing about our dad if it was useful for my mom. Lastly, my

mom’s part to herself is accepting all the foundation and support we try giving her, which she’s

doing a good job at. She knows her part to herself is to welcome all of it because we’re her

children and she trust us more than any friends she could have.

Analysis

Throughout this past year and a half, all of us, including my mom, have tried our best in

helping our mom get through this difficult time and in return, we managed to become closer than

we had ever been before. My mom is finally at a point in her life where she can see other people

and not let her ex interfere with her happiness because she knows better than to destroy all the

progress she’s made. Overall, although I feel strongly about the way my dad has hurt my mom,
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I’m able to put all that resent behind me because it brings me more satisfaction seeing my mom

get to her best self every day little by little. My sisters and I will do anything to see my mom

happy especially because our mom has done nothing but care for us and love us unconditionally,

so this is our way to repay her. Being a part of this home-based discourse community has

changed me for the better and allowed me to become a person that my mom now knows she can

count on to help her with anything else life will hit her with.
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Works Cited

https://webcourses.ucf.edu/courses/1340142/files/76292620/download?wrap=1

http://jamespaulgee.com/pdfs/Literacy%20and%20Linguistics.pdf