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Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change

WP submission: question I received: made to what I impacts my paper:


initially wrote:

WP#2: The Bocchino: The thesis With a very narrow This change shows
economics based was mostly and busy audience, why the disciplines
article is precise and comparison the economics based write different rather
to the point, article is precise and than just state they
focusing... to the point, are different
focusing...

WP#2: On the other Bocchino: The thesis On the other hand, Goes along with the
hand, the was mostly with a very broad previous change,
environmental based comparison audience that may giving a reason why
article... struggle with jargon, they’re different
the environmental rather than just
based article... they’re different

WP#2: Not only this Bocchino: What Not only this, the two I go very quickly into
the two authors make might a difference in authors make use of how the use of
use of footnotes,​ ​for citation styles reveal footnotes, a footnotes fits into the
further clarification... about the difference sometimes confusing rest of the paper, an
between disciplines form of citing that idea that is built upon
points exactly to when I am talking
where they found about audience later
their information, for in the paper
further clarification...

WP#2: in MLA Bocchino: What in MLA format, an Same idea as the last
format. This variety... might a difference in easier and more change, shows how
citation styles reveal generic format that even citation can be
about the difference fits the simpler style influenced by who
between disciplines of the economics the paper is for
article. This variety

WP#2: it presents an Nick: It’s kinda it presents an issue, Sounds less “clunky”
issue, shows its work clunky shows its work and actually
through formulas, and through formulas, and resembles the kind of
the said work interpretes the diction used in an
provides a solution. solution. actual math problem
WP#2: ...facts, and . Desserie: I’m not ...facts. Given their Gets rid of
given their intended really understanding intended audience, unnecessary bits of
audience, this is this line this is fitting because writing and allows
fitting because government officials the information to
government officials likely won’t have flow much more
generally don’t have time for anything easily.
the time for anything extra, which
other than facts. This explains...
would also explain...

WP#2: ...as if they Desserie: The whole ..as if they were apart While not devastating
were apart of that paper is very of that “we,” and to my paper as a
“we” (which we all professional and this while the authors.. whole, the sudden
are), and while the doesn’t really fit into personal tone really
authors... that isn’t needed.

WP#2: ...they are Nick: Are you not ...they are literally While a very small
literally fighting for human too? fighting for the change, it makes the
the earth’s survival earth’s survival and paper a lot more
and humans tend to people tend to human and a lot less
respond strongly to respond strongly to robotic.
emotion. emotion.

WP#3: Academic Keara: Maybe reword Academic papers can Changing the entire
research papers can it so it reflects the rest be intimidating to sentence was much
sometimes be very of the paper people, so it can better as it felt much
difficult to decipher, actually be very more connected to the
other times it can be beneficial to see them paper as a whole and
fairly simple while from a different was much more
still being a angle. pleasant to read
respectable paper to
the academic
community.

WP#3: I chose the Jonathan: It feels a I chose the research While I only intended
research paper...for little lackluster paper...to to introduce the
my genre translation. demonstrate how a paper, adding in more
hard to read academic to the line prepared
genre can be the reader for the rest
translated into an of the paper, which is
easy non-academic what my introduction
genre. should have done in
the first place.
WP#3: The Desserie: Too wordy This article focuses Sounds much better
information from this for what you’re trying on the topic of global and my audience was
article dealt with to say warming and the need not “everyone” so
global warming and for renewable energy including the children
the need for and who better to part tells the reader
renewable energy and teach that to than my audience and hits
I felt everyone should children. at what my
be informed of this to translation might be,
some degree. a children’s book.

WP#3: Not only that, Bocchino: This is an I ultimately got rid of


but it was much academic paper the line. While it is a
easier to read and reflection it is also
break apart compared still an academic
to the other paper and should be
hieroglyph of an written as such.
article I had available Humor has a place in
to me. my translation but not
so much the
reflection

WP#3: It’s an Keara: This could While the article is The complicated
understatement to say also be reworded for made simple so adults nature of the article
that an academic consistency have an easier time isn’t the focus, the
research paper and a reading it, it is far reading level of
book meant for from legible to a children is and I felt
children are different child. this new line shifts
the focus from
academic reading to a
child’s reading very
well
WP#3 Bocchino: You could WP#3: Each of the The books I used as
have addressed more three books had examples didn’t
in your reflection, drawings to go with really use
such as euphemisms the story. Shel euphemisms even
Silverstein used crude though I did so
Class discussion: drawings with little adding it in felt
Illustrations are a color, Laura forced. However,
convention. Numeroff used illustrations were
detailed and colorful present in each book
drawings, and Eric as well as my
Carle used colorful translation so adding
drawings made from in these lines
simple shapes. These provides more
drawings allowed context to my
children to visualize reflection.
what they are reading
and better understand
it.

WP#3 Bocchino: You could When it came to I needed to follow UP


have addressed more adding illustrations, I on how I used
in your reflection, wasn’t sure how to drawings in my own
start because I’m an
such as euphemisms awful artist. So I translation. When I
looked took made my drawings I
Class discussion: inspiration from “The based it off of the art
Illustrations are a Very Hungry of the very hungry
convention. Caterpillar,” opting caterpillar so I felt it
for colorful shapes
rather than detailed necessary to include
drawings. Again I it into my reflection
couldn’t rely on my
own drawing skills,
even for easy shapes,
and came up with the
idea to cut out the
shapes from
construction paper
and use those instead.
Together I had a
translation that was
easy and fun to read,
with simplistic
“drawings” derivative
of those of “The Very
Hungry Caterpillar.”
There were many other changes in my revision, mostly smaller things like grammar and correct
footnotes. Others were similar to the ones listed above. These just happened to stand out most to me