1.

Lights up on GREGORY, age 34, in his house. He

is dishevelled, his hair greasy, his eyes a bit
bloodshot. He talks to the audience.

GREGORY
Wow. Wow. Wow. So you guys are so into yourselves-
like you are so committed to censoring innocent
people that you're just gonna go and try to get my
Patreon deleted now. Oh? You have an opinion of me so
you're just gonna try and ruin my entire career?
Really? Is that what you're going to do?
(Mocking)
Oh, I'm sorry, the FBI never showed up. Oh, I'm
sorry, the cops are all about onion boy because-
turns out- didn't break a single law. So what do we
do? Oh, well our opinions have been invalidated so
many times of him, that we're gonna disable his
Patreon. Wow. Wow. You would really do that-
(Screaming)
You would really do that!

He holds back tears, then turns to the audience

and screams through gritted teeth.
(In a rage)
You tried to do the FBI. Didn't work! You tried to do
the police. Didn't work! So instead: you resort to
the paycheck. And you got it. You got it! All my
Patreons have been deleted.
(Beat. He smiles)
Are you happy now?

He smiles once more, then lets out a screech. He

runs backwards, tearing off his shirt and
screaming through his teeth. He throws his arms
in the air and runs on the spot, all while
screaming. He abruptly stops.
Is this what you want? Huh? Is this what- You want a
total meltdown?

He reaches aside and pulls in a bottle of

Kombucha.
You like Kombucha? I love Kombucha!

He lets out a hoot, unscrews the bottle, and

begins pouring the Kombucha all over himself.
 2.

(Pouring Kombucha on himself)

Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!
(Leaning forward)
Drinks like pee and smells even worse!
(Continuing to pour Kombucha)
Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Oo- All my Patreons have been deleted!
Ooo! My Patreon! Ooo! Ooo! What am I gonna do? What
am I gonna do now?

He drops the bottle and falls to the ground

What am I gonna do now?!

He begins contorting and twitching, letting out

painful grunts. His voice is strained.
What am I gonna do?! What- what am I gonna do? I'm
covered in Kombucha and I have no more Patreon!

He begins sobbing, then doubles over and starts

retching and couching. He looks up, his face
contorted with pain and anger.
You did this to me! All of you!

He lets out one last strained scream.

Blackout