The Laws of Love A Guide To Gallantry PDF

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.
indd 1 9/2/09 7:00:36 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 2 9/2/09 7:00:43 PM
The Laws of Love
A Guide to Gallantry
________________
by
James Henry

Dedicated to Good Intentions
Culturally Conscious Publishing

Flint Hill, VA

The Laws of Love
A Guide to Gallantry
__________
Containing
maxims on the conduct of Courtship, guide

to affairs; Romance Maximizing maxims
Romantic Refreshments, Origins of
Courtly Love, Timeless letters
on Love & Marriage
________________
By James Henry
adapted from the Laws of Love
by Horace Raison

This book is based on the 19th century title The
Laws of Love: A Complete Code of Gallantry
by Horace Raison. His romance era book was
inspired by medieval Courtly literature.
Visit the website at

www.GallantryGuide.com
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data:

Henry, James
The Laws of Love: A Guide to Gallantry
ISBN 978-0-9817047-1-5
1. Love. 2. Romance. 3.Gallantry
Serious Literature
Library of Congress Control Number:
2008903050
© James Henry 2009

Table of Contents
_____________
Introduction ............................................................... 9
Maxims for a Life of Love ......................................... 13
__________________
Guide to Affairs
Romance Maximizing Maxims
Before .......................................................................... 23
On Love • On an Attachment • Inclination • Caprice
During ......................................................................... 63
Regards • Love Letters • The Rendezvous •
Promises and Oaths
After ............................................................................. 95
Jealousy • Quarrels • Reconciliation • On the Separation
_________________
Romantic Refreshments .................................... 129

Art of Observation • The Quest • Remedies for Broken
Hearts • Modern Marital Hesitations • Love Letters
The Origins of Courtly Love ................................. 141
Timesless Letters on Love & Marriage ................ 167

When the power of love
overcomes the love of power,
the world will know peace.
Jimi Hendrix

Introduction
Love is the most eternal and complex of
emotions. At a moment’s notice it can top-
ple the most powerful of kings and in the
next breath reward the impoverished with
fabulous treasures. We all yearn for it, yet
few can aptly describe it. We all search for
it, yet many unwittingly fear it. With love
comes all the joys and calamities a rich life
has to offer. The ebb and flow of its tides
remind us that our heart still beats in our
chest, that we are in fact alive. In short it
proves to us that life is truly a mysterious
process that no one can fully understand.
Love is one of the essential forces that drives

mankind forward. Love is no mere chemi-
cal reaction in the brain, although it may
cause all variety of reactions. As creatures

dominated by survival and self-interest, love
shows us that our happiness is shared with
those we love. We seem willing to abandon all
other endeavors as soon as love appears on our
doorstep. It sets aflame some deep part of our
own humanity, bringing us closer to some fuller
sense of ourselves and our reality. Love brings
meaning to our lives when they seem most
meaningless and resurrects hope in our hearts
after they have been totally shattered.
As the greatest of riches life has to
offer, love is a of metaphor for life itself. It is
unpredictable, hazardous, harmonious, risky,
and rewarding often in short order. Should we
forgo such an unpredictable quest? Heavens
no! We must brace ourselves for all love has
to offer, discerning the angels from the demons.
There is no escape from love without escaping
life itself. In short...
The Art of Love is the Art of Life.
10

This book has reached your hands for a rea-
son. Maybe it’s because you are in love or
maybe for the reason that you’ve never loved.
Either way, the road to happiness can only be
reached by taking the eternally mystical path
of love.
11

12

________
Maxims FOR A Life

OF Love
________
13

Search your heart before allowing love to
penetrate it, was the Pythagorean maxim;
the sweetest honey sours in an unclean ves-
sel.
_______
The first love of a young man entering the

world is generally ambitious. He seldom
fancies a young, gentle, amiable, and in-
nocent girl. He needs the love of a being
whose qualities elevate her to the stan-
dard of his own visionary creations. One
in the decline of life is more apt to seek
the simple and unsophisticated, despair-
ing in the hope to win the sublime. Be-
tween these two periods comes true love,
when one thinks of no one but himself.
14

Love is the only passion that repays
in money from its own mint.
_______
In love, when the coin is divided, it aug-

ments; when given, it dies.
_______
15

One may be in love to madness, but not to
silliness.
__________
Your most dangerous rival is he who resem-

bles you least.
__________
In a very advanced state of society, the pas-

sion of love is as natural as the physical love
of savages.
__________
“If a woman yields to me the only through

pity,” says Montaigue, “I would rather not
live than live of alms.”
__________
The only unions which are always legitimate,

are those commanded by a great passion.
16

“If you would unveil love, and bring it nearer
to your view, you may test it by seeking an-
other affection which gives sharper pangs,
more vehement joys, or greater ecstasies.”
Thus speaks the ancient Plutarch, and, in
truth, there is no student of rhetoric, who,
on translating that passage, does not burn
to investigate the truth of the “philosophi-
cal” definition.
17

The majority of men, through vanity, dis-
trust, or fear of failure, do not yield to love
until intimacy has forewarned them.
_______
She will not come to you gliding through
the yielding air; the fair one that suits must
be sought...
Ovid
18

A lover is always treated better than one
would wish toward the close of a visit.
__________
Madame de Geulis, who, for twenty years,

was desperately enamored of the theatrical
Louis XIV says: “In the end, experience
taught him that with women true love is but
exalted friendship, and that that alone is
durable; this is why so many examples may
be cited of great passions for men advanced
in years.”
________
Prudery is the meanest species of avarice.

__________
Pittacus said that every man has his faults–

that his were comprised in his wife’s head.
19

Men should not confide past love-secrets
with current loves. It will only inspire jeal-
ousy and envy so focus all discussion stritly
on the woman at hand!
20

The passions are the only orators
that always persuade; they are like an art
of nature, whose rules are infallible; and the
dullest man who speaks from passion, suc-
ceed better than the most eloquent who has
none.
––La Rochefoucauld
__________
Love, like life, cannot subsist without con-

tinual movement; and it ceases to live the
moment it ceases to hope or fear.
_______
Coquettes [teases] make it a point of honor
to be jealous of their lovers, in order to con-
ceal the fact of their being envious of other
women.
21

22

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
BEFORE
________
ON LOVE
23

Art. 1. The source of love lies in two of the
purest sentiments – admiration and hope.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. My God! She is fine! I wonder if

she would be mine?
James Henry
__________
Art. 2. Love is difficult to define; what we

can say is that in the soul it is a ruling pas-
sion; in the mind a lively sympathy; and in
the body it is the secret and delicate desire
of possessing the object beloved, after many
mysterious preliminaries.
Horace Raison

24

Art. 2. This beauty seems more fantistic the
closer I get. Have I met a flawless angel?
Oh how I long to lie with those luscious
loins.
James Henry
25

Art. 3. Love is like a fever: it begins and
ends without our volition having the least
part in the matter. It is a happy chance, if
we can congratulate ourself upon the amia-
ble qualities of the object of our affections.
Horace Raison
26

Art. 3. Once a woman consumes your mind,
prey she’s not a maniac, because there’s no
turning back.
James Henry
__________
Art. 4. The deepest love betrays itself by

the most ridiculous appearances; by ex-
treme timidity, for example, or awkward
bashfulness.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. Once a man is smitten, he has the

tendency to behave like a kitten.
James Henry
27

Art. 5. The lover is near his happiness who
begins to doubt of the bliss which he had
promised himself, and reflects most severe-
ly upon the reasons he believed he had seen
hope.
Horace Raison
Art. 5. Chance is powerful everywhere; let

your hook be always hanging ready. In
waters where you least think it, there will
be a fish.
Ovid
__________
Art. 6. In love, contrary to almost all other
passions, the memories of the past are al-
ways superior to the hopes of the future.
Horace Raison
28

Art. 6. When reentering the Kingdom of
Singledom, the recollections of previous
lovers always seem to outshine our future
expectations... even though the best is yet
to come!
James Henry
29

Art. 7. The moment the most fatal to love
is when the lover finds himself treated with
contempt, and when he must, with his own
hands, destroy the beautiful chimera which
he has been at so much pains to construct.
Horace Raison
30

Art. 7. When an approach is made and
you’re treated like a bitch, don’t feel bad
because she probably is one.
James Henry
__________
Art. 8. Love is of all ages. Horace Walople

conceived the most lively passion for Ma-
dame du Deffand when seventy, and the
finest courtiers of Louis XIV were charmed
by the ghost.
Horace Raison
Art. 8. Nobody is too old or powerful to be

a fool in love.
James Henry
31

Art. 9. Before the birth of love, beauty is
a necessary attraction; it is predisposed by
the praises bestowed upon those we would
love.
Horace Raison
Art. 9. Every love begins with a healthy

level of lust. It fuels the fire and drives us
to its more profound stages.
James Henry
32

Art. 10. The lover finds, in the object of his
adoration, all perfections, and those, too, of
the most opposite kinds. This is the moral
reason why love is the most violent of pas-
sions. In the others the desire may accom-
modate themselves to cold realities – in this,
it is the realities which model themselves to
our desires.
Horace Raison
Art. 10. Love blinds us to blemishes in the

Beloved. Go figure!
James Henry
33

Art. 11. When he loves, the wisest man is
quite incapable of seeing any object in its
true light. He depreciates his real advan-
tages, while he exaggerates the least favors
he receives from the person beloved. Fear
and hope make the fictions of his brain
seem to him realities. He loses the idea of
probabilities.
Horace Raison
34

Art. 11. Love is prone to strip us of all rea-
son and leave us naked to our own fanta-
sies. Watch out!
James Henry
__________
Art. 12. In love, women never pardon what

they call a lack of delicacy. This term, in-
vented by pride, is not very clear. It has the
air of meaning something like what kings
call high treason. It is a crime of all others
the most dangerous, because we fall into it
without our knowledge.
Horace Raison
Art. 12. A woman’s emotions must be dealt

with carefully. Guys, it may seem burden-
some at first, but once mastered a good
mood can be maintained indefinitely.
James Henry
35

36

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
BEFORE
________
OF AN ATTACHMENT
37

Art. 1. An attachment is a modification of
love, and one of the varieties of friendship.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. Attachment between both friends

and lovers can be as pleasant as a butterfly
or as menacing as a mosquito.
James Henry
38

Art. 2. A conformity of tastes, tempers, and
situations, by indifference or chance, often
form connections, which, without being
troublesome, endure for life.
Horace Raison
Art. 2. Shared interests of some sort are

essential to any relationship. Afterall, you
must have extra-bedroom activities.
James Henry
39

Art. 3. Attachments require more self-de-
nial than love; because the former are de-
prived of those sweet compensations which
belong to the latter.
Horace Raison
Art. 3. Intimacy is a two-way street that

lives off an exchange of affections. Getting
into a one-sided relationship is like taking
a wrong turn on a one-way street.
James Henry
40

Art. 4. A sincere attachment necessarily
finds its source in true merit, and depends
upon some virtue. The word censures such
connections, and yet it is a thousand to one
that the woman who gives birth to a durable
attachment, is more estimable than she who
inspires a violent love.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. Fits and flings of passion can be

quite fun but often are short-lived. When
you find yourself developing genuine af-
fection, you know you’ve got a keeper.
James Henry
41

Art. 5. With some men of the most bril-
liant intellect, an attachment is the result
neither of passion, nor convenience, nor
want of employment, but is a sort of desire
for quiet society. This feeling was well ex-
pressed by M. de Talleyrand, who left the
woman most celebrated in France for her
brilliant genius and admirable works, and
took for his mistress a beautiful fool. “This
is rapose,” said he; and he never broke off
this attachment.
Horace Raison
42

Art. 5. Relationships can be based on the
most hardened intellectual edifices or the
simplests of human comforts, and if your
lucky, both.
James Henry
43

44

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
BEFORE
________
INCLINATION
45

Art. 1. Inclination is to love, what an en-
graving is to a picture – an exact copy,
without the color.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. In life and love we must be able to

turn our dreams into reality, rather than
remain a dreamer.
James Henry
__________
Art. 2. The man of spirit should understand

beforehand all the phases of an affair of in-
clination. As it has in it more of delicacy
than passion, it requires more study to be
constantly agreeable.
Horace Raison

46

Art. 2. While engaged in whimsical
womanizing, remember that your con-
quests often come as quickly as they go.
James Henry
47

Art. 3. Moralists censure the love of incli-
nation. They are wrong. To some persons of
an affectionate disposition, these transient
passions give the most exquisite pleasures;
and, when accompanied with purity of
sentiment, they leave nothing but pleasing
recollections.
Horace Raison
48

Art. 3. Fits of fun-filled flings can be very
reassuring from time to time. In excess they
make one shallow and can be factories of
gossip.
James Henry
__________
Art. 4. Sometimes inclination changes into

durable love. It is then full of charms, for
it is based upon experience, familiarity,
and the certainty of having made a good
choice.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. Love is like buying a car. You gotta

try it before you buy it.
James Henry
49

Art. 5. The worst of this form of the passion
appears when we think more of the estima-
tion in which the object of our inclination is
held by others than by ourselves.
Horace Raison
Art. 5. If you’re more concerned about

what others think, you’re not in love.
James Henry
50


Art. 6. The grace of novelty is to the love of
inclination, what the flower is to the fruit; it
has a luster easily effaced, and which never
returns.
Horace Raison
Art. 6. The fresh vitality of a short-lived

tryst can fall apart as quickly as a glass
dropped onto the floor.
James Henry
51

Art. 7. The union of inclination cannot be
lasting where only one of the parties comes
to have a passionate love.
Horace Raison
52

Art. 7. Those engaged in impulsive affairs
should wait a while before considering
them solid.
James Henry
53

54

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
BEFORE
________
CAPRICE
55

Art. 1. Caprice is the love of those who are
capable of no other.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. Flighty lovers are only as good as

their fickle fancies.
James Henry
56

Art. 2. They whose organizations are too
feeble, either to experience or endure the
delicious torments of love, resort to caprice,
in which, if they enjoy not the happiness
of love, they find at least some of its plea-
sures.
Horace Raison
Art. 2. Though we may live in fashionably

frivolous times, whimsical hedonism does
not lead to true happiness in love or life.
James Henry
57

Art. 3. We confound too often caprice with
inconstancy, while they are really very dif-
ferent. The one is a weakness of heart, the
other a calculation of the mind.
Horace Raison
Art. 3. Avoid those that treat love like a

passing fad, whatever reason or justifica-
tion they may have.
James Henry
___________
Art. 4. Caprice is certainly the source of a
thousand little felicities. It ravishes from
love all that is lively, gracious, and gay.
Unhappily, its reign is short, and if it leaves
some pleasing souvenirs, it also leaves more
regrets.
Horace Raison
58

Art. 4. Those who don’t spoil love for
passing pleasures deserve its many trea-
sures.
James Henry
59

Art. 5. “Caprice,” says La Bruyére, “is in
women always joined to beauty, as an an-
tidote, in order that it may do less harm to
men, who could not be cured without this
remedy.”
Horace Raison
60

Art. 5. Beautiful women are difficult
because they can be.
James Henry
61

62

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
DURING
________
REGARDS
63

Art. 1. Looks, glances – are the current coin
of love. They supply the place of language,
and have often an advantage over it, in a
more lively and elegant expression of the
sentiment.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. The eyes are the gateway to the soul.

One graceful glance can seduce more than
any pickup line. Refine your intentions and
learn the art of your own eyes.
James Henry
64

Art. 2. Attentions are the grand weapons of
virtuous conquetry. One may always show
her meaning by a look, while she can deny
what her eyes have so well expressed; be-
cause glances interpret themselves, and do
not require to be explained.
Horace Raison
Art. 2. The power of the flirty tease to mis-

lead rests in her eyes. Give her bored ex-
pressions and watch her frustrations.
James Henry
65

Art. 3. The eye is said to be the mirror of
the soul; it is also the interpreter of the
heart; and though a coquette may say what
ever she pleases by her looks, there is in in-
nocence and true love something which she
knows not how to feign.
Horace Raison
At. 3. The gleam off your eyes can never
be cloaked, so be truthful... or wear dark
sunglasses.
James Henry
66

Art. 4. Glances, to be expressive, must,
above all, be natural. Those heartless lovers,
who think to make themselves seducing,
present their languishing regards, properly
encounter ridicule where they expect to ex-
cite passions.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. Most importantly, be yourself.
One’s compliments and gifts should also be
infrequent to maintain their value.
James Henry
67

68

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
DURING
________
LOVE LETTERS
69

Art. 1. It is so rare and precious a talent
which is required to write a good love let-
ter, that it is difficult to find ten good mod-
els of this kind of writing in the French
language.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. Help revive the lost art of love let-

ters. There can be little grace in an email
and absolutely none in texts or twits.
James Henry
70

Art. 2. Happy are they who receive letters as
they are the most powerful of all the means
of pleasing. A thought, a sentiment, which
in conversation might strike the imagina-
tion with little force, is engraved upon the
mind by being written in a letter.
Horace Raison
Art. 2. Love letters ignite visions that a ma-

gician would be hardpressed to replicate. If
you can master love letters, you can master
the universe.
James Henry
71

Art. 3. Looks are the first billet-doux of
lovers, says Ninon. Those which succeed
should have as much vivacity, meaning
and mystery.
Horace Raison
Art. 3. Start with the basics. Early letters

should tell how excited the sight of her
makes you feel.
James Henry
72

Art. 4. A letter really dictated by love, a
letter of a truly passionate lover, will be
loosely written, diffuse, languid, without
order, and full of repetitions. His heart, full
and running over with the sentiment, re-
peats constantly the same thing, and never
finishes what he has to say, like a lively
spring which always runs, and is never ex-
hausted.
J. J. Rousseau.
Art. 4. Love letters express what someone
feels, not what they think. They’re high-
voltage heart-to-heart transmissions.
James Henry
73

Art. 5. The author of Héloise has also said,
“For a letter to be what it ought to be, we
must end it without knowing what we have
said.”
Horace Raison
74

Art. 5. A good love letter should pour from
your hands like a fountain of feelings and
memories. Appetites need to be whetted.
James Henry
75

76

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
DURING
________
THE RENDEZVOUS
77

Art. 1. The first assignation is the begin-
ning of the happiness of love. It is then, es-
pecially, that it is necessary to be master of
one’s self, in order to seem natural. It is the
triumph of the love of inclination, but the
despair of passionate love. The one, bril-
liant, adroit, calculating, takes advantage
of everything–the other, timid, irresolute,
and wanting self-possession, loses all.
Horace Raison
78

Art. 1. First dates are like the first day in
court, what you say determines the course
of events. Be careful, but natural.
James Henry
79

Art. 2. What a terrible moment is that of
the first interview to a man truly in love!
From the beginning, the object of his visit
occupies him so much, as to deprive him of
all wit or power to please. He talks much
without knowing what he says, and often
says the contrary of what he thinks. He
embarks in some ridiculous discourse, and
when he perceives its impropriety, and his
love loses ground by its own excess.
Horace Raison
80

Art. 2. Captivated men often resemble deer
in the headlights. Not sure what to say,
they are oblivious to even their own best
judgment.
James Henry
81

Art. 3. Before arriving at the place of ren-
dezvous, his imagination was full of the
finest speeches, and the most charming
dialogues. He fancied transports the most
tender and the most touching; but all these
feelings of confidence, and these eloquent
phrases, have vanished at the first glance of
his adored!
Horace Raison
Art. 3. A man whose mind is racing in an-

ticipation of the first date should not worry
so much about what to talk about as where
to take her. Bring her to a special place
new to her and of natural beauty. Sit by a
stream and share your passions.
James Henry
82

Art. 4. To speak much of his love; to com-
pliment gracefully the charms which have
produced it; to attend to the responses, or
still better, to divine them; these are the
simplest and surest tactics a lover can use on
such occasions.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. When your heart is utterly taken
do not hesitate to speak sweetly. Stay
tuned and respond to the subtlety of each
interaction and the bond you share will
only strengthen.
James Henry
83

Art. 5. Women have prodigious art in de-
ceiving their lovers. They are always upon
their guard, and are ever ready, from co-
quetry, to oppose to the warmest love, in-
difference, coldness, and even anger.
Horace Raison
Art. 5. Women are endowed with a sixth

sense not yet awakened in men. Men are
wired for practicality. Together they can
conquer all.
James Henry
84

Art. 6. For the rest, there are as many
kinds of assignations as there are varieties
of love, and differences of character. But in
all, more is the result of chance than of wit,
calculation, or passion.
Horace Raison
Art. 6. Love is an unforseen fortuitous

force. Enjoy the ride with all of its tides.
James Henry
85

86

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
DURING
________
PROMISES AND OATHS
87

Art. 1. The puritans in love maintain that
one has no right to promise or swear to his
mistress, without he is sure he can keep his
promise or oath. Those who are more toler-
ant, reply that “to promise, and to keep are
two,” and that one should always promise,
and then keep as much as he can.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. Promises and oaths do much in the

way of assuring a lover. But be warned that
they can be as dangerous as landmines.
James Henry
88

Art. 2. Thus, between lovers, protesta-
tions, oaths, “forevers,” “as long as I live,”
are given to each other, and go and come,
pass and repass, like bullets on the field of
battle.
Horace Raison
Art. 2. Lovers in heat tell each other all
things sweet. Producing endless attraction
they provide total satisfaction.
James Henry
89

Art. 3. There is one description of promises
in love, which permits of a little boasting.
There are few women with whom it obtains
much success; but at least, with the curious,
the incredulous, and the gourmands, it is
fair to use it, as they are slow to compre-
hend that hyperbole is an innocent figure
of rhetoric.
Horace Raison
90

Art. 3. Issuing cheap lines into the ears of
ungifted females is far from noble, unless
you have a taste for floozie fair.
James Henry
__________
Art. 4. The most dangerous man for a co-
quette to encounter, is he who has arrived
at that degree of honesty and uprightness,
that he will neither give promises of fidelity
nor require them.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. Playfully keep in mind when you

deal with a flirt that most of their words are
nothing but dirt.
James Henry
91

Art. 5. Formerly, people swore to put an
end to their lives, to run away, to be re-
venged, and all these beautiful oaths were
to make a cruel fair one relent. These tactics
are out of date. One now swears to console
himself; he politely wishes success to his ri-
val, and sometimes he obtains from pique,
what was refused from love.
Horace Raison
92

Art. 5. While it may be enjoyable to mur-
der rival suitors, it will win you few favors
with the law or the ladies.
James Henry
93

94

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
AFTER
________
JEALOUSY
95

Art. 1. Jealousy is a foolish thing, and of-
ten makes one lose his senses; and we in-
troduce it here solely in the hope that our
cool advice may be of service to some poor
jealous person, who has lost the faculty of
finding for himself the means of his cure.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. No matter how fired up you may
get, just remember... A jealous lover is
usually the loser.
James Henry
96

Art. 2. Jealousy is, of all the mind’s dis-
eases, that which finds the most things to
excite, and the fewest to cure.
Montaigue
Art. 2. Enraged by everything and made
calm by nothing, the jealous lover is tem-
porarily insane.
James Henry
97

Art. 4. How can this be remedied, so that
you may look calmly upon the happiness of
your rival, and philosophically go to sleep
in the same room with the lady, whose
single glance would once have stopped the
beating of your heart?
Horace Raison
Art. 4. The only remedy to jealousy is time,
and even that doesn’t always work. Take a
vacation.
James Henry
98

Art. 5. That which renders the misery of
jealousy so acute, is that vanity does not
come to its support.
Horace Raison
Art. 5. The paradox of jealousy is that it

induces self-doubt precisely when self-love
is most needed.
James Henry
99

Art. 6. Very often the best course to take,
if your rival is inferior to you in merit, is
to leave the field to him, and let him ruin
his own hopes with the object of his love. In
a first and real passion, a woman of spirit
never loves long a common man.
Horace Raison
Art. 6. Just leave the girl for the rival

clown. If she prefers him, she was hardly
profound.
James Henry
100

Art. 7. In order that such a plan should
succeed, he must especially conceal his love
from his rival. In showing him your jealou-
sy, you will have given him the advantage
of knowing how much you prize the woman
he prefers, and the love he has for her, he
will owe to you.
Horace Raison
Art. 7. Jealousy will push your rival to-
wards your lover, so don’t shoot yourself in
the foot.
James Henry
101

Art. 11. A woman makes herself contempt-
ible by jealousy; she has the air of running
after her lover. It must then be, in women, a
much more serious evil than in men. In them
it must be a mixture of rage and shame.
Horace Raison
Art. 11. The hazard of jealousy is that it
reveals too much. Maintain love’s mystery
and be careful how much you give away.
James Henry
________
Art. 12. La Rochefoucauld says, “We are

ashamed to avow that we have jealousy, but
think it an honor that others have been jeal-
ous of us!”
Horace Raison
102

Art. 12. Jealousy, while entertaining to
watch in others is horrible to experience.
James Henry
103

Art. 14. As for conjugal jealousy, the most
respectable of all, we know not what rem-
edies to offer. Unfortunate husbands, how-
ever, can amuse themselves by seeking for
solace in reading Othello. They will there
learn to doubt the most conclusive appear-
ances, and it is a delight that their eyes will
rest upon these words:
104

“Trifles light as air,
Seem, to the jealous, confirmations strong
As proofs from holy writ.”
Horace Raison
Art. 14. Investigations based on jealousy
are founded upon ill will and bound to pro-
duce more of it. Remember that things are
rarely as bad as they seem.
James Henry
105

106

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
AFTER
________
QUARRELS
107

Art. 1. A quarrel is a spur which enlivens
and stimulates love.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. Quarreling has a funny way of

bringing lovers closer.
James Henry
__________
Art. 2. Quarrels are of an infinite variety

of kinds, and nothing less resembles each
other than quarrels of jealousy, and those
of vivacity, of interest, of pique, of idle-
ness, of calculation, of incompatibility.
Horace Raison
108

Art. 2. Quarreling couples have a ten-
dency of wanting to kill each other. And
after it’s all over they find themselves
having shared a very personal experience
together.
James Henry
109

Art. 3. The quarrel almost always begins
on the side of the woman. She is angry at
first with herself, or because familiarity
with you begins to produce an annoyance,
or because she is too sure of you. In place
of giving quarrel for quarrel, it is suffi-
cient, in such a case, to excite her imagina-
tion, to disquiet her heart, to arouse her
suspicions, and all the little doubts and
fear which prevent the current of true love
from running smoothly.
Horace Raison
Art. 3. When a woman becomes bored

and starts producing quarrels, play hard
to get. It’ll drive her crazy.
James Henry
110

Art. 4. When the cause of the quarrel comes
from the man and in this case it is generally
of a graver character, the reconciliation is
always easy. The difference in the infidel-
ity of the two sexes is so real, that a woman,
devoted to a man, can pardon his infidelities
and is again happy; which is impossible in
a man.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. Both sexes go with the partner that
provides the greatest satisfaction.
James Henry
111

Art. 5. For the quarrel of offended self-
love, the remedy is not more difficult; since
when a man’s vanity enrages him, to think
that another can be preferred to himself,
and the fear of being made a dupe, puts his
passions in motion, it is very easy to set his
fears at rest, and produce a reconciliation.
Horace Raison
Art. 5. Often times all it takes to quell a

quarrel is some tender loving care.
James Henry
112

Art. 6. The quarrel of self-esteem forms
the tie of most marriages, and these are the
happiest, next to those of love. A husband
assures himself for years of the infidelity of
his wife, who has given him a rival since the
first month of marriage.
Horace Raison
Art. 6. Many marriages are founded on a

constant power struggle, being enough to
occupy a lifetime.
James Henry
113

Art. 7. The difference between the quarrel
of self-love and that of jealousy is that one
desires the death of the object of his fear,
while the other wishes the rival to live, and
be the witness of his triumph.
Horace Raison
114

Art. 7. Before we can love another we must
love ourselves.
James Henry
_____________
Art. 8. In beginning a quarrel, we must

never fear to seem impetuous and vehe-
ment. People always easily excuse injuries
thet seem dictated by passion; but a calm
tone in a quarrel makes them think that
you mean all you say; you wound their
self-love, and a full reconciliation is ren-
dered impossible.
Horace Raison
Art. 8. Go ahead and throw a fit. It shows
you care.
James Henry
115

116

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
AFTER
________
RECONCILIATION
117

Art. 1. People pardon, as long as they love.
La Rochefoucauld
Art. 1. Love and forgiveness are in essence

inseparable. Jesus was right.
James Henry
118

Art. 2. Nothing is more delicious than a
reconciliation; it gives the freshness and
attractions of novelty, not only to the ideas
and sensations, but to the realities.
Horace Raison
Art. 2. Nothing is more sweet than mak-

ing up with a kiss.
James Henry
119

Art. 4 . It is especially when one has quar-
reled, separated, quitted for life, that rec-
onciliation is sweet. It is necessary than to
recommence the romance of love, chapter
by chapter, and not to look too soon for a
dramatic climax.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. Getting back together after a break-

up can feel heavenly, but treat it like a new
relationship. Make no assumptions about
the future.
James Henry
120

Art. 5. A man must always be at three
quarters of the expense of a reconciliation;
but the woman must have prepared the way
from the moment of the quarrel. Besides, a
woman is never obliged to say yes to a lover
whom she has deceived.
Horace Raison
Art. 5. It is a gentleman’s duty to call a

ceasefire and a lady’s duty to enter nego-
tiations.
James Henry
121

122

GUIDE________
TO AFFAIRS
AFTER
________
OF THE SEPARATION
123

Art. 1. To be reconciled with an adored
mistress in whom you have detected an
infidelity, is too good an opinion of your
strength. The love must die. Certainly, it is
the greatest unhappiness of this passion and
of life; but after such a reconciliation, one
cannot pass one day of calm nor pleasure.
You must not think still to see each other as
friends; a separation is the only resource of
an injured heart.
Horace Raison
Art. 1. If a cheating lover is putting you

through hell, it’s probabaly time to call it
quits. When your heart is broken, wounds
must heal, not remain open.
James Henry
124

Art. 2. When a man has once convinced
himself of the necessity of a separation, it is
cowardice to defer it one moment.
Horace Raison
Art. 2. Never put off till tomorrow what

you can do today.
James Henry
125

Art. 3. That which distinguishes the separa-
tion from the quarrel – that which renders it
durable – is the necessity of forgetting the
object beloved, and the facility with which
one resolves to form another attachment.
Horace Raison
Art. 3. Two ways to know if you’ll get back
together are 1) how fond you are of remem-
bering and 2) how ready you are for a new
hunt.
James Henry
126

Art. 4. People thoughtlessly extol the
charms of first love; the man, however, who
has been once deceived, and who finds in a
new attachment all the charms, all the ide-
ality, that he never expected, much less dare
to hope––that man seems to us, of all oth-
ers, the most happy, and the most likely to
give happiness to others.
Horace Raison
Art. 4. After a cold relationship comes to

a close, the fresh vibrance of new love is
heavenly. Few things are so sweet and have
as many treats.
James Henry
127

128

________
ROMANTIC REFRESHMENTS
________
129

THE ART OF OBSERVATION:
The art of observation is the cornerstone of a

good lover. We must observe and anticipate
the nuances of our partners or prospects and
serve up, without a moments hesitation, the
next fabulous item on the evening’s playlist.
130

Romance begins when we observe that
special someone somewhere. A trained
eye deciphers character and disposition
from a moment’s glance. The way one
walks, holds oneself, interacts with others
and the tastes exhibited all speak volumes.
Men must refine their powers of observa-
tion if they wish to match those of women.
We must also recognize that
our society is increasingly busied, hin-
dering our ability to observe and think
clearly. Only confide your observa-
tions to those of an equally discerning
eye as the less perceptive confuse astute
observations for impulsive judgments.
131

THE QUEST
Love is like an epic quest. The man

is the knight who must find the damsel
and capture her heart. He must gracefully
tease her imagination, taunt her intents,
and impress her senses. Most importantly
he must show he has purpose and invite
her to join him on his quest.
The woman is the decider. She
judges if his heart is true and if his quest is
worthy, or if it is a fool’s quest. Is his quest
noble or engaging to her? She will decide.
Women are endowed with height-
ened sensory perceptions. These powers
have served them well for thousands, per-
haps millions of years. The potential suitor
must draw from the purity of his feelings
and attractions to sway the inclinations of
the young lady.
132

The fellow must have preselected a
beautiful place to take the girl, perhaps a
nearby creek or a majestic grove. Because
while sitting alone watching the water flow
through a creek may be pleasant, when it is
done beside your lover, just watching that
little fish swim by becomes a transcendental
experience. Love is a mystical experience
that we must cherish as such.
133

REMEDIES FOR
BROKEN HEARTS
There is no easy remedy to a burnt heart

other than balance and patience. If you
find yourself involved in a bitter break
just clear your mind because most obses-
sions will turn an already unpleasant situ-
ation into a scene. Instead, engage in the
pleasures of life, apart from love, and re-
alize all the joyous things to be grateful
for. A good friend at one’s side is helpful.
134

Just keep your head about you, main-
tain your dignity, and don’t allow
your whims to make you a wimp.
135

NOTE TO THE “MODERN” DISAFFECTED LOVER
Many today have given up on love and feel

jaded. To them I recommend a closer look
at the mystery of life and our freedom to
choose its course all along the way. With all
the horrible things we are told to fear, our
loved ones should hardly be included! Af-
ter love, comes marriage, a family, a role in
136

a community, all of which are the bedrock of
civilization. Love is positive, fear is negative;
choose to be a lover.
137

Writing love letters is practically
a forgotten art but still remains the
most elegant means of expressing
one’s heart. When our passions are
138

set to paper the impact on our loved one is
immense. Each utterance is magnified and
will so enchant their mind in your absence
that they will burn to realize the dreams
you have given them to think about.
In a time riddled with ego-ridden
emails and text messages, there seems to
be little room left for grace and delicacy of
a charming love letter. So try your hand
at a love letter. Let your dearest know the
intimate details of your admiration.
To tell another of your feelings
means you first must be fearless. Fearless
of others, but more importantly of your-
self. To love others we must first love our-
selves, and then we can fearlessly express
this love to those we love.
139

140

________
THE HISTORY OF
COURTLY LOVE
________
141

The western courtly love tradition flowered
in the cultured courts of Europe almost a
millennia ago, revealing a cosmology of
love and mystery that provides inspiration
to all ages. The understanding of love ush-
ered into being by the chivalric troubadours
saw the worshipping of the Beloved, an ide-
alized sacred feminine, as a creative path
of purification and enoblement of the soul.
142

In the 11th to 13th century, the most
vibrant courts of Western Europe, especial-
ly in southwest France, nobels nurtured the
troubadours erotic poetry and music. These
romantic bards would sing of their unre-
quited love and their dedication to serve
the Beloved against all odds in a quest to
exalt their souls in the process. Their works
were initially performed in the Languedoc,
or the language of the Occitan, and later
in Italian, Catalan, and German by the
Minnesängers. The first of these love-bards
was William IX, Duke of Aquitaine, who
tried his hand at poetry on his return from
the crusades. His granddaughter, Eleanor
of Aquitaine, and her daughter, Marie
Countess of Champagne, were the greatest
benefactors of the movement, supporting
them in their courts throughout France.
143

Connected to Courtly Love was the chival-
ric theme of the Grail quests, popularized
through the writings of Chrétien de Troyes,
also cultivated by Marie of Champagne. The
tradition flourished in the courts of south-
ern France until the Albigensian Crusade
against the Cathar heresy in the early 13th
century discouraged patronage and drove the
Troubadours to the courts of Spain and Italy.
Europe’s Dark Age mythic scenery
was littered with masculine tales of epic con-
quest, but beginning in the late 11th century
Arabian love songs and mystical ideas poured
into the cultured courts of Europe from
Saracen Spain and the Holy Land. Much of
our understanding of love’s transcendental
qualities—the concept that it was meant to
be, the idea of a soul mate or our lost half,
144

the notion of discovering our higher
self through an ecstatic mystical union
with a lover—derive from Sufism (Ara-
bian/Islamic mysticism). Sufi poetry
speaks of the Beloved in spiritual terms
as a living embodiment of the divine.
145

Many of the troubadour poems were simple
translations of Arabic titles, even some of
the works of William IX. The Languedoc
also had close cultural and political connec-
tions with the Spanish Kingdom of Aragon.
The worship of the goddess or
sacred feminine had its European coun-
terpart with various venerations of Mary
Magdalene, such as the worship of the
black Madonna. The troubadour tradi-
tion is so intertwined with the heretical
underground stream of the West that
146

one concludes they are inseparable. For
example the town that Chrétien de Troyes
took his name from, Troyes, was a cab-
balistic center and the site of the origi-
nal Templar preceptory and where Hugh
I, Count of Champagne held his court.
Not coincidentally, the original nine
Knights Templars were Hugh’s vassals.
147

Feminine symbolic undercurrents are
also apparent in European art & ar-
chitecture. For instance, take notice
next time you walk through the ribbed
entrance of an old Gothic Cathedral topped
by a rosebud. The most prominent of the
troubadours’ symbols was the rose, repre-
senting spiritual transcendence and associ-
ated with erotic mystical love. The rose is also
an anagram for Eros and the symbol from
whence the Rosicrucians derive their name.
148

The elevated view of womankind
reflected in Magdalene worship and the
Courtly Love tradition was threatening to
the church, who with great success diverted
it into reverence for the Virgin Mary. But
mystical thinking was common to the great
names of Christianity, such as St Augustine
and St Francis of Assisi, who in his early
days was a blithesome ttalian Troubadour
that later became a saint with a special in-
fluence over animals.
The troubadours were a power-
ful force for social evolution, and assisted
in enlightening many of society’s con-
ventions. Male dominance over women
was questioned, with unwavering male
servitude declared for the Beloved.
While the movement was a distinctly
noble affair, many of the troubadours
149

themselves came from humble births and
the damsels in question were typically of
a higher social station than their suitors,
often the wife of their Lord. Tradition-
ally love was not discussed and marriage
was purely political; a brokered deal.
The troubadours were the first to speak
of love as a divine force that often runs
against social norms. From the safety
of verse they cherished ideal worlds.
They focused on the ennobling force of
love and the power its quest has to better
man’s soul. In the words of Idries Shah;
“The object of these poet-love-magicians...
has a social function – to interject back
into the stream of life the direction which
humanity needs in order to fulfill itself.”
This impulse helped form the literature
and the culture of the West readily
150

apparent in the works of literary mas-
ters such as Dante Alighieri, whose guide
to the heavenly spheres in his Divine
Comedy was his Courtly Lover Beatrice.
James Henry
151

COURTS OF LOVE
In France there were Courts of Love

from 1150 to 1200. This much has alone
been proven, but probably their existence
dates back to a period far more remote.
The ladies presiding over these
courts gave judgment either on questions
of love – as, for example, “Can love exist
in wedlock?” – or in particular cases which
lovers would submit to them.
152

DECREE OF THE COUNTESS OF
CHAMPAGNE.
“Can true love exist between mar-

ried persons?
“We assert by this decree, that love cannot
extend its power over a married couple; for
lovers grant each other all, mutually and
gratuitously, without being constrained by
any motive of necessity; whereas the mar-
ried are forced by duty to yield their wills,
and to refuse each other nothing.
“Let this judgment, which we have
rendered after much care and thought, and
according to the advice of many ladies, be
henceforth considered as a constant and ir-
refragable truth.
“Given in the year 1174, the 3rd
day of the calendar of May, Indiction VII.”
153

André, chaplain of the King of
France, who wrote toward the close of the
year 1170 reports:
“A game of love disputes often
occurred between the chevaliers and po-
etesses, in the form of a dialogue on some
subtile point of love; and where they could
not agree, they sent them in order to ob-
tain the true version, to the illustrious
lady-presidents, who held open Courts
of Love at Signe, Pierrefeu, Romanin,
and other places, and thereupon sentence
was given, termed ‘Decrees of Love.’”
The troubadours often named at the
termination of their theme the ladies who
should pronounce on the questions which
were agitated by them. The Countess of
Champagne, in a decree of 1174, says: “This
judgment, which we have given after much
154

careful thought, is upheld by the opinion
of numerous ladies.”
We find in another decree: “The
chevalier, on account of the villainy which
has been done him, has reported his case to
the Countess of Champagne, and humbly
demanded that it should be submitted to
her and other ladies. The countess having
assembled sixty other ladies, has decreed
as follows.”
155

CODE OF LOVE
OF THE TWELFTH CENTURY.
_______________
How far did opinion sanction the

decrees of Courts of Love? We find noth-
ing in André of Nostradmus to enlighten
us on these subjects.
Two troubadours, Simon Doria and
Lanfranc Cigalla, discussed this question:
“Who is more worthy to be loved, she who
grants liberally, or she who grants in spite
of her feelings in order to pass for liberal?”
156

The majority of the decrees of the Courts
of Love are based upon the rule of the
Code of Love. This Code may be found in
full in the works of André, the chaplain of
the King of France. There are thirty-one
articles which he gives as follows:
1.
The allegation of matrimony is not a
lawful excuse against love.
2.
He who cannot keep a secret, cannot
learn to love.
3.
No one can give way to two lovers
at once.
4.
Love can always either diminish or
increase.
157

5.
There are no sweets in what the lover forces
by violence from the object of his love.
6.
A male does not usually love until he
has arrived at full puberty.
7.
A mourning of two years is ordered for
the death of a lover.
8.
No one without more than sufficient
reason should be of his rights in love.
9.
No one can love without a hope of
reciprocity.
158

10.
Ordinary love is driven off by avarice.
11.
It is wrong to love one who would not be
taken in marriage.
12.
True love desires no caresses save
from one loved.
159

13.
A love published to the world cannot last
long.
14.
A too easily acquired conquest soon
destroys the charm of love; obstacles
heighten its value.
15.
Everyone who loves turns pale at the sight
of the beloved object.
160

16.
At the sudden view of one whom we love,
we tremble.
17.
A new love destroys the old.
18.
Merit alone is worthy of love.
19.
Love which diminishes falls rapidly, and
is rarely reanimated.
20.
The lover is always timid.
21.
True jealousy always increases the
strength of love.
161

22.
Suspicion, and jealousy its offspring, are
powerful aids to love.
23.
Less sleep and less food are the portion of
him who dreams of love.
24.
Every action of the lover ends in thoughts
of the beloved.

25.
True love finds nothing grateful but that
which he knows will please her
loves.
26.
Love can refuse nothing to love.
162

27.
The lover can never be satisfied with the
joys of the loved object.

28.
A feeble presumption causes the lover to
suspect evil of his love.
29.
An over-excess of pleasures impedes the
birth of love.

163

30.
The mind of one who loves is ever filled
with the image of his heart’s idol.
164

31.
There is no doubt but that one woman
may be loved by two men, or one man by
two women.
165

166

________
TIMELESS LETTERS OF
LOVE & MARRIAGE
________
167

I leave you with a cross section of timeless letters
on love and marriage.
James Henry
Washington, DC | 2009

DR. SOUTH ON LOVE.
Love is the great instrument and engine

of nature, the bond of cement of society, the spring
and spirit of the universe. It is of that active, rest-
less nature, that it must of necessity exert itself;
and life the first to which it is so often compared. It
is not a free agent, to choose whether it will heat or
no, but it streams forth by natural results and un-
avoidable emanations, so that it will fasten upon
an inferior, unsuitable object, rather than none
at all. The soul may sooner leave off to subsist,
than cease to love; and, like the vine, it withers
and dies, if it has nothing to embrace. Now this
LOVE, in its original state of innocence, was hap-
pily pitched upon its right object; it flamed up in
direct fervors of devotion to God, and in collateral

emissions of charity to its neighbor. It was a ves-
tal and a virgin fire, and differed as much from
that which usually passes by this name now-a-
days, as the vital hear from the burning of a fever.
MARRIAGE.
Many a marriage begins like the rosy

morning, and then falls away like a snow wreath.
And why? Because the married pair neglect to be
as well pleasing to each other after marriage as
before. Endeavor always to please one another;
but at the same time, keep God in your thoughts.
Lavish not all your love on to-day,
for remember that marriage has its to-mor-
row, likewise, and its day after to-morrow,
too. Spare, as one may say, fuel for the winter.
Deceive not one another in small
things or in great. One little, single lie has,
before now, disturbed a whole married life.
A small cause has often great consequences.
Fold not the hand together and sit idle.
“Laziness is the devil’s cushion.” Do not run much
from home. “One’s own hearth is gold worth.”

The married woman is her husband’s do-
mestic faith; in her hands he must be able to confide
house and family; be able to entrust to her the key
of his heart, as well a the key of his eating-room.
His honor and his home are under her keeping; his
well-being is in her hand. Think of this, oh wife!
Young men, be faithful husband and good
fathers of families. Act so that your wives shall es-
teem and love you. Read the word of God indus-
triously; that will conduct you through storm and
calm, and safely bring you to the haven at last.
MISS BREMER ON MARRIAGE.
17 March, 1823,
Dear Daughter of the Second Generation:
Your letter has come at last, and is full
of interest. The subject on which you write is cer-
tainly the most interesting, perhaps I may say
important, that ever comes between the intel-
lect and the passions; love and matrimony, the
moral rectifier of wild desires ––the reciproc-
ity of natural affection––the chain that binds
infancy and age in social compact. But conjugal

love, without marriage, would be a poverty-
stricken affection: and marriage, without love, a
dreary prison, were its gates of gold studded with
precious stone. You have gained much experience
since you first wrote me on the subject of love. Then
you thought you should never love again––that
your affections could never be detached––that
they must all consume on their first object. But
I knew from experience you were mistaken, and
that you would love again when a suitable occa-
sion required it. Love, where there is no reciproc-
ity, soon ceases to affect a person of good sense.
“The current of love seldom runs smoothly,” says
the poet. Therefore we should not be too confident
of its permanency, nor conclude that our love is
more heavenly than that of many others, when
run out their whole stock in the extravagant waste
of a few months. I know not how to make a dis-
tinction in the character of love. Love in itself, is
of the pure essence of Heaven–– “The synonym of
God,” says Mr. Emerson; ––Like truth, it must be
genuine, or nothing more than a convulsion of the
passions, which is perhaps often mistaken for it.
However, I have no suspicion that you are

deceiving yourself as to the genuine nature of
your love, and I am satisfied that you have given
me a true and faithful relation of the state of your
affections, and that your passions are moved by a
heavenly impulse, awakening sensations, delight-
ful to the soul, and the most pure and exalting of
all human enjoyments. But there is danger in re-
lying too confidently on the stability of such en-
joyments. Human beings are changeable; nothing
is permanent but God, and his immutable laws;
and the glory an happiness of creation, no doubt,
is advance by the mutability of all created things.
A change in our circumstances often produces a
change in the mind, affecting the most substantial
ties in human connections; but we never believe
any such thing till we are taught by experience.
You may suspect that I am attempting to depress
your happiness; it may seem so to you, but I assure
you it is not so. There is nothing I more delight in
than to see and hear of the rational enjoyments
of young people, especially the joys that spring
from mutual love.“All mankind love a lover,”
says Emerson. But I would notify you against
anticipation––the tickle of our imagination,

the exciter of our hopes, the precusor of disap-
pointment. You seem to think that you and the
companion of your choice are perfectly acquainted
with each other, and that the congeniality of your
tastes, fancy, and dispositions, secures your hap-
piness for time and eternity. I must here take the
liberty of warning you against deceiving yourself,
for in this matter I think you are greatly mistak-
en. I have no doubt of the sincerity of intention on
both sides; that you have both devoted your time,
since the commencement of your acquaintance, to
gaining as full and perfect an understanding of
each other’s dispositions, inclinations, fortitude,
and forbearance, as circumstance can admit; but
to have already gained any thing more than a
superficial knowledge of each other, is not in the
compass of human sagacity, however hones both
have been in confessing their faults and foibles.
In the whole course of a long life, we acquire but
little knowledge of ourselves, and certainly much
less of our bosom companion. I have been trying
for three quarters of a century to gain a knowl-
edge of myself, but I find I am still a stranger
to my own soul. Few have known more variety

or frequency of changes in condition, in prospect
of good evils to come, each change producing its
appropriate effect on the mind, and yet I can-
not imagine how my mind may be affected by
any change I have not experienced. All desirable
changes in our circumstances appear delightful in
prospect, but we see only one side while we are ap-
proaching the object; the other may be a gloomy
shade, and disappoint our fondest hopes. This is
the fate of almost all human changes, and mar-
riage is liable to the same consequences. I believe
marriage is a divine ordinance, instituted for the
promotion of human happiness, and that early
marriages, generally succeed the best, and that
you have, at a suitable age, made a judicious choice
for your conjugal companion, so that, by prudence
and contentment, you may enjoy somewhat of
happiness: still, I fear you are anticipating more
than can be realized, and every little disappoint-
ment must be a tax on your capitol stock.. The love
of Romeo and Juliet was never brought to the test
of domestic cares. I have ever admired the senti-
ment of a young lady, contained in the following
lines––the subject of which I have not forgotten,

though fifty years have gone since I read
the little pathetic effusion. It is as follows:
“You little cot, so neat and white, with

woodbines half concealed from sight,
Where the old elm excludes the light of
Phoebus’ noon-tide beam –– With wealth
enough to keep us free from cold gripe of
poverty, Would more than palace be to
me, with him I most esteem. But was you
lofty mansion mine, where are and gran-
deur both combine To make it elegantly
fine, –– what joy in the extreme!”
Now, why was she not content to stop at

the little cottage where love delights to dwell?
She was not wholly satisfied with love in its native
simplicity––she coveted a place. This is the rock
on which love is so often dashed and broken. We
want grandeur, which is not incompatible with the
singleness of love. I should as soon think of find-
ing a white crow in a nest of young black-birds,,
as love in a palace. Love and human grandeur

do not dwell together in this age of the world. Love
seeks retirement with the object of its affection,
making no display in external appearance; it is a
silent, delightful, internal emotion. I believe you
and I are of one opinion with regard to happiness,
and that love is the constituent part of heavenly en-
joyment. But to maintain pure, heavenly affections,
it is necessary to set our hearts against the fash-
ions and grandeurs of the world. Be on our guard,
and meet ever disappointment with fortitude.
Your affectionate father, of the preceding
generation,
OLD SCHOOL.
_________
OF AN OLD MARRIED WOMAN TO A
SENSITIVE YOUNG LADY.
FROM THE WRITINGS OF JUSTUS MOSER.
You do our husband injustice, dear child,

if you think he loves you less than formerly. He is
a man ardent, active temper, who loves labor and
exertion, and finds pleasure in them; and as long

as his love for you furnishes him with labor and ex-
ertion, he was completely absorbed in it. But this
has, of course, ceased; your reciprocal position, but
by no means his love, as you imagine, has changed.
A love which seeks to conquer, and a
love which has conquered, are two totally differ-
ent passions. The one puts on the stretch all the
virtues of the hero; it excites in him fear, hope,
desire; it leads him from triumph to triumph,
and makes him think every foot of ground that
he gains, a kingdom. Hence, it keeps alive and
fosters all the active powers of the man who
abandons himself to it. The happy husband can-
not appear like the lover; he has not like him to
fear, to hope, and to desire. He has no longer that
charming toil, with all its triumphs, which he had
before; not can that which he has already won be
again a conquest. You have only, my dear child,
to attend to this most natural and inevitable dif-
ference, and you will see in the whole conduct of
your husband, ––who now finds more pleasure in
business than in your smiles, ––nothing to offend
you.You wish, ––do you not? ––that he would
still sit with you alone on the mossy bank, in

front of the grotto, as he used to do, look in your
blue eyes, and kneel to kiss your pretty hand. You
wish that he would paint to you, in livelier col-
ors than ever, those delights of love which lovers
know how to describe with so much ardent pas-
sion; that he would lead your imagination from
one rapture to another. My wishes, at least for
the first year after I married my husband, went
to nothing short of this. But it will not do. The
best husband is also the most useful and active
member of society; and when love no longer de-
mands toil and trouble, when every triumph is a
mere repetition of the last, when success has lost
something of its value along with its novelty, the
taste for activity no longer finds its appropriate
food, and turns to fresh objects of pursuit. The
necessity for occupation and for progress is of the
very essence of our souls; and if our husband are
guided by reason in the choice of occupation, we
ought not to pout because they do not sit with us
so often as formerly, by the silver brook, or un-
der the beech tree.At first, I too found it hard to
endure the change. But my husband talked to
me about it with perfect frankness and sincerity

“The joy with which you receive me,” said he,
“does not conceal your vexation, and your sad-
dened eye tries in vain to assume a cheerful look;
I see what you want, ––that I would sit, as I used
to do, on the mossy bank, hang on all your steps,
and live on your breath; but this is impossible. I
would bring you down from the top of the church
steeple on a rope ladder, at the peril of my life, if I
could obtain you no other way; but now, as I have
you fat in my arms, as all dangers are passed, and
all obstacles overcome, my passion can no longer
find satisfaction in that way. What has once been
sacrificed to my self-love, ceases to be a sacrifice.
The spirit of invention, discovery and conquest,
inherent in man, demands a new career. Before I
obtained you, I used all the virtues I possessed as
steps by which to reach you; but now, as I have
you, I place you at the top of them, and you are the
highest step by which I now hope to ascend higher.”
Little as I relished the notion of the
church tower, of the honor of serving as the
highest step under my husband’s feet, time and
reflection on the course of human affairs con-
vinced me that the thing could not be otherwise.

I therefore turned my active mind, which would
perhaps in time have been tired of the mossy
bank, to the domestic business which came within
my department. When we had both been busy
and bustling in our several ways, and could tell
each other in the evening what we had been
doing,––he in the fields, and in the house or
garden,––we were often more happy and con-
tented than the most loving couple in the world.
And, what is best of all, this pleasure has
not left us, after thirty years of marriage. We talk
with as much animation as ever of our domestic
affairs; I have learned to know all my husband’s
tastes, and I relate to him whatever I think likely
to please him, out of journals, whether political or
literary;I recommend books to him, and lay them
before him; I carry on the correspondence with
our married children, and often delight him with
good news of them and our little grandchildren.
As to his accounts, I understand them as well as
he, and make them easier to him by having mine,
of all the yearly outlay which passes through
my hands, ready and in order.. If necessary, I
can send in a statement to the treasury chamber:

and my hand makes as good a figure in our cash-
book as his; we are accustomed to the same order, we
know the spirit of all our affairs and duties, and we
have one aim and one rule in all our undertakings.
I still sometimes sing to my little grand-
children, when they come to see me, a song which,
in the days when his love had still to contend
with all sorts of obstacles, used to throw him into
raptures; and when the little ones cry, “Ancora!
Ancora! Grandmamma,” his eyes fill with tears
of joy. I asked him once whether he would not
now think it too dangerous to bring me down a
rope ladder from the top of the church steeple;
upon which he called out as vehemently as the
children, “O, Ancora! Grandmother, Ancora!”
P.S.––One thing, my dear child, I for-
got. It seems to me that you trust too entirely to
your good cause and your good heart (perhaps,
too, a little to your blue eyes), and do not deign
to try to attract your husband anew. I fancy you
are at home, just as you were a week ago, in so-
ciety at our excellent G––‘s, where I found you
all as stiff and silent as if you had met only to
tire each other to death. Did you not observe

how soon I set the whole company in motion?
This was merely by a few words addressed to
each, on the subjects I thought most agreeable
or most flattering to him. After a time, the oth-
ers began to feel more happy and at their ease,
and we parted in high spirits and good humor.
What I did there, I do daily at home. I
try to make myself and all around me agree-
able. It will not do to leave a man to himself till
be comes to you, to take no pains to attract him,
or to appear before him with a long face. But it
is not so difficult as you think, dear child, to be-
have to a husband so that he shall remain forever
in some measure a lover. I am an old woman but
you can still do what you like. A word from you
at the right time, will not fail of its effects. What
need have you to play the suffering virtue? The
tear of a loving girl, says an old book, is like a dew
drop on the rose; but that on the cheek of a wife
is a drop of poison to her husband. Try to appear
cheerful and contented, and your husband will
be so; and when you have made him happy, you
will become so, not in appearance, but in reality.
The skill required is not so great; nothing

flatters a man so much as the happiness of his wife;
he is always proud of himself as the source of it. As
soon as you are cheerful, you will be lively and alert,
and every moment will afford you an opportunity
of letting fall an agreeable word. Your education,
which give you an immense advantage, will great-
ly assist you; and your sensibility will become the
noblest gift that nature has bestowed on you, when
it shows itself in affectionate assiduity, and stamps
on every action a soft, kind, and tender charac-
ter, instead of wasting itself in secret repinings.

Fini

The Laws of Love A Guide To Gallantry PDF

Загружено:

Сведения о документе

Оригинальное название

Авторское право

Доступные форматы

Поделиться этим документом

Поделиться или встроить документ

Параметры публикации

Этот документ был вам полезен?

Это неприемлемый материал?

Авторское право:

Доступные форматы

The Laws of Love A Guide To Gallantry PDF

Загружено:

Авторское право:

Доступные форматы

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.

indd 1 9/2/09 7:00:36 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 3 9/2/09 7:00:50 PM

Culturally Conscious Publishing

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 4 9/2/09 7:00:57 PM

maxims on the conduct of Courtship, guide

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 5 9/2/09 7:01:05 PM

Visit the website at

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data:

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 6 9/2/09 7:01:11 PM

Romantic Refreshments .................................... 129

The Origins of Courtly Love ................................. 141

Timesless Letters on Love & Marriage ................ 167

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 7 9/2/09 7:01:19 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 8 9/2/09 7:01:27 PM

Love is one of the essential forces that drives

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 9 9/2/09 7:01:34 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 10 9/2/09 7:01:40 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 11 9/2/09 7:01:48 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 12 9/2/09 7:01:55 PM

Maxims FOR A Life

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 13 9/2/09 7:02:02 PM

The first love of a young man entering the

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 14 9/2/09 7:02:15 PM

In love, when the coin is divided, it aug-

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 15 9/2/09 7:02:46 PM

Your most dangerous rival is he who resem-

In a very advanced state of society, the pas-

“If a woman yields to me the only through

The only unions which are always legitimate,

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 16 9/2/09 7:03:01 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 17 9/2/09 7:03:25 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 18 9/2/09 7:03:38 PM

Madame de Geulis, who, for twenty years,

Prudery is the meanest species of avarice.

Pittacus said that every man has his faults–

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 19 9/2/09 7:04:01 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 20 9/2/09 7:04:16 PM

Love, like life, cannot subsist without con-

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 21 9/2/09 7:04:44 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 22 9/2/09 7:04:51 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 23 9/2/09 7:04:58 PM

Art. 1. My God! She is fine! I wonder if

Art. 2. Love is difficult to define; what we

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 24 9/2/09 7:05:12 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 25 9/2/09 7:05:37 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 26 9/2/09 7:05:48 PM

Art. 4. The deepest love betrays itself by

Art. 4. Once a man is smitten, he has the

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 27 9/2/09 7:06:09 PM

Art. 5. Chance is powerful everywhere; let

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 28 9/2/09 7:06:20 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 29 9/2/09 7:06:42 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 30 9/2/09 7:06:53 PM

Art. 8. Love is of all ages. Horace Walople

Art. 8. Nobody is too old or powerful to be

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 31 9/2/09 7:07:15 PM

Art. 9. Every love begins with a healthy

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 32 9/2/09 7:07:26 PM

Art. 10. Love blinds us to blemishes in the

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 33 9/2/09 7:07:48 PM

The Laws of Love A Guide to Gallantry.indd 34 9/2/09 7:08:00 PM

Art. 12. In love, women never pardon what