Why I Love My Mobile Phone

A mobile phone is a wireless device that can help people communicate. In the beginning, it
was a device that allows users to make and receive calls and to send text messages. But
(Conjunction like ‘but’, ‘and’, ‘so’ are not to be placed in front of a sentence) However, as
time passed by, technology has developed and now people have all theaccessaccessesto
communicate using social media and search informations information by a mobile phone.
Nowadays, almost everyone has a mobile phonesmartphone(avoid using repetitive
vocabulary). It has become a thing that is vitally important to(this phrase is too complex,
consider simplifying)vitalthingfor almost everyone as it is strictlyoftenlynecessary (you
have already mentioned ‘vital’, so don't put ‘necessary’again,as it makes a repetition) used in
everyday lives life.

I already have a mobile phone. My phone is an iPhone 5s created by Apple Inc. This iOS
device is 4.87-inchestall and 2.31-incheswide. Its thickness is 0.3 inch. My phone has a
silver and white color. It can recognize my fingerprint to unlock it. It is fully armed with a front
camera, backand back camera, earphone plug, and charger plug.

Since I first knew this phone, I was keenly(‘keen’ and ‘interest’ has similar meaning in this
case) instantly interestedto own it.soTherefore, when I bought this phone, I was perfectly
happy. It was widely available in Jakarta, (put a punctuation here) so it was very easy to
buyfindit. It has some benefits, like its touch ID, 64bit processor, and an excellent camera (at
that time)(If possible, please avoid extending an explanation inside parentheses, and
rephrase your sentence to make it structurally less similar to other sentences) At the
moment, it was a powerful phone, equipped with touch ID, 64-bit processor, and
excellent cameras. ButYet (please use an alternative word to replace ‘but’), to be honest,
this phone's price iswas(you are telling your past experience in this case) totally
unacceptable. Anotherdownside is, it can also easily get scratched. The iPhone 6, the
newer generation of iPhone,is totally different from iPhone 5s and now, I am bitterly
disappointed inat myself. If only I would wait for a few months later, I could've bought an
iPhone 6 instead.

Today, this phone has become an old-fashioned phone. But even though soNonetheless, I
am still grateful, because I can still communicate easily with my friends using my iPhone 5s.
I think, we should be eternally grateful to live in an era where technology is developing fast.
Technology has helped us in so many subjects in life and it will never stop doing so.

Note:
You have written the essay well, as it is reflected from how you compose your
sentence with correct grammar and deliver your ideas orderly. However, to make it
better, you can try to use various vocabularies and avoid repeating sentences with
similar meaning or structure. Keep up the good writing 