BOO! S B Y O! I! ER HER!

ORD
WI TH P I C TUR ES B Y TH E A U TH OR
'
PUB ! ISHED BY CHAR! ES SCRI BN ER S SONS

ASHF L EAR H A E
A HI LD S OF NA RAL HIS OR
THE B U T ! U !

O ERHEARD I N A
P RI M ER TU T Y
'
C

ORE AN I ALS
! G A RD EN

OF A PERSIAN I EN
M M

FAI R OD O HER
THE RU B A l Y AT ! TT

I N -! A W

A LI LE OF ORES
THE Y G M T -

TH E P E ER PA N A L PHA E
TT B OO! B

TH E AS O N ISHI N A LE OF A P EN
T B T

P PPE T G T AND I N!
- -

I EN S ARDEN OF ERSES
U T

HOLO I AL
!
'

A ! TT G

THE M YT G C ! OO

WI TH I OH N CE CI ! C! A Y

PI D S LOPED IA
PID S FA R EA HER
CYC
'
CU

CU
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I - W T BOO! E
M y th o o g i c
By

H OI fOl d '
‘

ri n r
Ch arle s Sc b e
'

s So n s
191 2
 Con ten ts

M ed u sa

Th e Siren
Th e D lph i
o n

Th e C ! a ri e
oc t c

Ce r b e r
us

Th e S h in
p x .

Th e S Se r e n
ea p t

Th e Sa lam a nd e r .

Th e ! inn
Th e Me m a id
r

Th e Uni rn co

Th Sa y r
e t
 Contents
Th e Garg y le o

Th e Ch im e ra
Th e Ph eni
o x

Th e Gr h n
yp o

Th e Har y p

Th e Cen a r t u

Pe g a su s

Th e H d r a
y

T h e H p i ff
yp og r

Th e M in a r ot u
The M ythological
! oo
 M edusa

How did M edusa do he r hair !

The ! u estion fills me with despair .

It must have caused her sore distress

That head of curling snakes to dress .

Wheneve r afte r endless toil

Sh e coaxed it finally to coil
,

The music of a Passing Band

Would ca u se each separate hair to stand
On end and sway and writhe and spit ,

She couldn t do a thing with it

!
.

And being woman and awa r e

,

Of such disaster to he r hair

,

What co u ld she do but petrify

All whom she met with free ! ing e y e !
,
 The Siren
The Siren may be said to b e
The Chorus L ady of the Sea !
-

Tho M e r maids claim he r as their kin

,

Instead of fish y tail and fin

Two shapel y feet re! oice the ! iew
(With all that appertains thereto.
)
When to these othe r charms we add
A voice that drives the hearer mad ,

Who will dispute he r claim to be

The Chorus L ady of the Sea !
-
 The Dolphin
Th e D olphin was if you should W ish
,

To call hi m so the ! ing of Fish

,
— .

Though having neithe r gills no r s cales ,

His title sh ou ld be Princ e of Whales .

While too small waisted to pr ovide

A ! onah with a Berth Inside ,

The D olphin has b e en known to pa c k

A D rowning Sail or on his back
And bear hi m safel y into port ,

H e was a Taxi whale in short

-
, .
 The Co c! atrice
If y o u wi ll listen to advice
You will avoid th e Cockatric e
A caution I need hardl y say
Wholly superfl uous to day
-
.

Yet had y o u lived when they were rife

Such warning might have saved yo ur life .

To meet the Cockatrice s ey e

’

M eans certain death and that is w hy

—

When I its feat ur e s h er e po r tray

I make it lo o k th e o th er way .

0 Cockatrice ! wer e yo u s o m e a n
What m u st the H enat ri ce hav e b ee n !
 Cerberus

D ear Reader should y ou chance to go

,

To Hades do not fail to throw

,

A Sop to Cerberus at the gate

!

His ange r to propitiate .

D on t say Good dog ! and hope thereby

’ !

His three fierce Heads to pacify .

What though he try to be polite

And wag his Tail with all his might ,

How sh all one a m iable Tai l

Against three angr y Heads prevail !
The Heads m ust win What pu ! ! les me
.
-

Is wh y in Hades there should be

A Watch dog ! tis I should surmise
’

, ,

The last place one would b u rglari! e .

 The Sphinx
She was half L ady and h alf cat
What is so W onderful in that !
Half of ou r lad y friends (so say
The other h alf) are Ca ts to day
-
.

In Egy pt she made ! uite a stir ,

The y ca rved huge Images of he r .

Riddles she asked of all she m et

And all who answered wrong she ate
, .

When (Ed i p us her riddle solved

— —
The minx I mean the Sphinx dissolved
—
In tear s What is there when one thinks
, ,

So wonderful about the Sphinx !

 The Sea Serpent
O wo ndro u s wor m that W the Height
on

Of Fame b y keeping out of sight !

N ever was known on L and o r Sea
Such a Colossal M odesty !

N ever such arrogant pretence

Of Ostentatious Di fli d en ce .

Celebrity whom none has s e en ,

Save some Post Prandial M arine ,

N o maga! ine can r eproduce

Yo u r Photograph Oh what s th e u s e
’

.
,

Of doing things when one may b e

So Famo u s a N onentity !
 The salam ander
The Salamander made his bed
Among the glowing e mb e rs red .

A Fiery Fu rnace to his m ind

, ,

H y giene and L ux u ry combined .

He was if I ma y put it so
, ,

A Saurian A b ed n i g o .

He loved to climb w ith nimble eas e

The branches of the Gas log Trees
-

Where oft on chilly winter nights

He ros e to di! ! y Fah renh ei t s .

Believ e rs in Soul Transmigration

See in him the Re inca r nati o n
-

Of those Sad Plag ue s of s u mmer w h o ,

Ask Is it hot enough for y ou !

!
!

,
 The ! inn
To call a ! inn the onl y thing
One needed was a magic ring .

You rubbed the ring and forth there cam e

A monste r born of smoke and flame ,

A thing of ! apor Fume and Glare

,

Read y to waft you an y where.

The magic ! inns of y esterda y

The wand of Science now obey .

You r ing and lo ! with rush and roa r

,

The panting monste r s at the doo r

’

A thing of ! apor Fume and Gla re

,

Read y to take yo u anywhere .

What s in a name ! What choi ce b e twee n

’

The Giants ! inn and Gasolene !

,
 The M erm ai d
Alth ou gh a Fi sh wi fe in a sense ,

She does not barte r Fish fo r Pen ce .

Fish er o f M en he r Gold e n Ne ts
,

For foolish Sai lorm en she sets .

All day sh e co mbs h er h a i r and lo n g s

For D impled Fee t and C u rling tongs-
.

A ll n ight sh e d re a m s in ocean caves

Of L ow tide Sh oe s and M arcel Wav e s .

And while the Fi shwi f e ma king sales

, ,

May sell he r wa r es u pon h er scales ,

Th e M ermaid wonderful to t ell

, ,

M u st w e ar h er s cales u pon hersel

'
 The U ni corn
The U nicorn s a fi rst rate so r t
’
-
.

He helps the L i on to support

The royal arms of England s ! ing
’

And keep the Throne fro m tottering .

I wonder what the ! ing would do

If his s u pporters all withdrew !
'

Perhaps he d try the Stage ! a Throne

Should be an e asy stepping stone
-

To histrionic Heights and who

,

! nows till h e tries what h e c an do !

The ! ing with diligenc e and ca re
, ,

M ig h t r ise to be a Manage r .
 The Satyr
The Saty r lived in times remote ,

A shape half human and half goat

- -
,

'

Who having all M an s faults combined

,

'

With a Goat s nature unrefined ,

Was not what y ou would call a b r ight

Example or a shining light .

Fa r be it from me to condone
The Saty r s sins y et I must own
’

I like to think there were a few

Young Satyrs who to Heaven flew ,

And when Saint Pete r th u nde r browed

, ,

Seeing them cried N o goats allo w ed !

! !

, ,

Although the gate slammed ! u ickly to ,

Somehow their human halves got through

Whereat the kindly saint re lented ,

And that s how Cherubs w e r e invented

’

.
 The G argoyle
The Gargo y le often makes its perch
On a cathedral or a ch u rch ,

Where mid ecclesiastic sty le

, ,

It smiles an early Gothic smile

-
.

And while the parson dignified

, ,

Spo u ts at his weary flock inside ,

The Gargoy le from its lofty seat

, ,

Spouts at the people in the street ,

And like the parson seems to sa y

, ,

To those beneath him L et us spra y

,
!
.

I like the Gargoy le best ! it play s

So cheerfull y on rain y da y s ,

While parsons (no one can den y)

Are awful dampe r s when they re dry
—
’

.
 The Chim era
Yo u d think a lion or a snake
’

We r e ! uite enough one s nerves to shak e !

'

But in this classic beast we find

A lion and a snake combined ,

And ! ust as if that were n t eno u gh

’

, ,

A goat thrown in to make it tough .

L et scientists the breed pooh ! pooh !

Come with m e to s o me Social ! oo
And hear the bearded L ion bleat
Goat like on patent kidded feet
- -
,

Whos e Civil lee r and damning prais e

!

The serpent s clov e n tong ue bet rays

’

Lo ! lion goat and snake combined !

, ,

Thus N ature doth repeat h er kind .

 The Phoenix
Th e Ph oen ix was a s yo u might say
, ,

The b u rning ! u estion of his da y

The m or e he b u rned th e m o r e he g r e w
,

Splendife r o u s in fe a the r s n ew
.

And from his a sh e s r ising bland ,

D id busin e ss at th e s am e o ld stand .

But tho u gh good people went a bout

And talked the y could not put him o ut
, .

A wo n d rou s bird indeed they say

'
—
,

He is not ! u ite extinct to day

-
.
 The Gryph on
It chan ced that Allah looking ro u nd, ,

When h e had m ad e hi crea t ur es fo u n d

s ,

Half of an Eagl e a n d a p a i r
Of extra L io n l e gs t sp are o .

So hating wast e h e t oo k som e gl ue

, ,

And mad e a G ryph o n of th e two .

Bu t when his h a ndiwor k h e eyed ,

He frowned a nd it was pe t r ifi e d
—
,

Doomed fo r ll time t o re pre s e n t

a

Impatien ce on a mo n ume nt .

Sometim e s u p o n our path t o d ay -

Its living co u nt er p ar t wi ll st ray

Columbia s Eagle s t ru tting i n
’

An wf ly E g li h L io n s ski n
’ ’

a n s ,

With glass in ey e a n d w g g i g g a it
’

s a r n

Be h o ld th e G ryph o n u p t date o .

32
 The Har py
They c e rtainly contrived to rais e
(b ee r ladies in the olden days .

Either the t y p e had not been fi x e d ,

Or e lse ! oology got mixed .

I envy n o t primeval m an
This female on th e feath e red pla n .

We o nl y have I m glad to say

’

, ,

Two kin ds of h um an bi r d to day-

Women and warrio r s w h o still

,

Wear fe ath e rs whe n dr e ssed u p to kill .

 The Centaur
Th e Centau r led a doubl e life
Tw o n a t u res in p erpet ual st r if e
H e had that neve r c ou ld ag ree
,

On what th e bill o f fa re sh ou ld b e !
- -

Fo r w h e n th e m an half set his h eart

-

On taking din n er 21 la carte ,

Th e h o rs e was s ure t o cast his v o t e

U ns w e rvingly fo r ta ble ! OA T
’

A p r etty s or t o f lif e to lead !

Th e h or s e in tim e went off his feed
,

Th e h u ng ry ma n was nigh demented ,

Wh e n one da y OATM EA! was invented !

 Pegasus

The anci e nts made no end of f u ss

Abo u t a horse named Pegas u s ,

A famous Hy er of his time ,

Who often soared to heights sublime ,

When backed by s o me poeti c chap

For the Parn a ss u s Handicap .

Alas fo r fam e ! Th e othe r day

I saw an a nci e nt one hoss sh ay
!
-

Stop at the M ont de Pi ! t ! ,

And 1 0 ! alighting from th e same

, ,

A bard whom I forbear to nam e

, .

Noting the poo r b east s ru sty hide

'

(Th e horse I m,e an ) m e,tho u ght I spied

What on ce w e r e wings In cr edul ou s
.
,

I cried Ca n th is b e P e gas u s !
,
! !

38
 The Hy dra
The H y dra Hercules defied ,

Its nine diminished heads m u st hide

Before the baneful modern b e ast
Who has a thousand heads at le a st .

See how in horrid tiers th ey rise ,

With straining ears and bulging e y es ,

While blinded b y fie r ce calci u m rays

, ,

The trembling victim t r ib u te pa y s

Of song o r m e a su r e m i m e o r ! est
, ,

To soothe the s avage H y dra s breast

'

If she please not the monste r s whim ,

Wild scrib e s wi ll tear he r limb fro m li m b !

Even if charmed he rend th e a i r
,

With hideous ! o y let her bewa re !

,

For she m u st s u rely s o on o r late

, ,

Fall neath the hissing H y dra s ha t e

’ ’

.
 The Hyppogri ff
Biologists a r e prone to sniff
At hy brids like the Hy ppo g riff .

In evol u tion s plan they say

’

, ,

There is no place for such as the y .

A horse with wings could not have more

Than two legs and this beast had four
, .

Well I for one am glad to waive

,

Two of his legs his wings to s ave

, .

I d even sell my auto if

’

I had one for a Hyppo g riff .

 The M ino taur
N o book o f mo nsters is complete
Without the M inotaur of Crete .

Yet sho u ld I draw him y ou would ! u a il ,

S o in his pl ace I draw a v ei l .

O sta r s that from Creation s birth

'

Have winked at every thing on earth ,

Who shin e w here poets fear to t r ead ,

Relate the story in my stead !

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Alth o ugh it s comforting to know

’

That Thes eu s slew hi m lo n g ago ,

We need n o t boast we to o co uld

,

With well a These u s o r two

—
, .