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Emotional Intelligence (EI) – Event Reading

“Anyone can be angry, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree,
at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way, that is the challenge”
[Aristotle]

“There is only one corner of the Universe that you can be certain of improving;
and that is your own self “ [Aldous Huxley]

The first quote above deals with managing our emotions and understanding
others, whilst the second suggests that we can have an impact only on our own
actions & intelligence. Putting the two together gives us the thought that we can
manage our own emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence (Ei) is about knowing how you and others feel and what to
do about it. Knowing what feels good and bad and how to get from bad to good.
Possessing emotional awareness, sensitivity and the management skills that will
help us to maximise our long-term survival and happiness.

Peter Salovey and John D Mayer were the first people to coin the phrase
‘emotional intelligence’ back in 1990. Daniel Goleman wrote the first book on the
subject in 1995. Goleman suggested that Ei consisted of 5 competencies :

Self Awareness

Self Regulation

Motivation

Empathy, and

Relationship Handling

Other people have developed the theory further and devised their own
competencies, however their findings mirror those of Goleman. His competencies
are further explained below :

Self-Awareness – See ourselves with our own eyes, be aware of goals, beliefs,
values, drivers and rules.
Recognising your own feelings as they occur is a crucial building block of Ei. The
ability to monitor feelings, from moment to moment, is necessary for
psychological insight and self-understanding. Being aware of your emotions
makes you more confident when making important personal decisions.
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Self-Regulation – Controlling unproductive behaviours, managing emotions

effectively.
Having appropriate emotional reactions is a capacity that builds on self-
awareness. Emotional resilience helps you to prevail over life’s inevitable
setbacks and upsets. Those who lack emotional self-regulation are continually
besieged by feelings of distress.

Motivation – Pursuing our goals with commitment, passion, energy and

persistence.
Being able to focus on a goal is essential for a range of accomplishments.
Emotional self-control and controlling impulsivity, is crucial in working towards
your goals. Individuals who can harness their emotions, and maintain hope and
optimism despite frustrations, are generally more productive and effective in their
efforts.

Empathy – Awareness of others’ feelings, needs and concerns.

Another skill based in emotional self-awareness, empathy is fundamental to
personal effectiveness. Those who are well attuned to subtle social cues that
indicate what others feel are more successful in personal and professional
relationships.

Relationship Handling – Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others.

The art of handling relationships requires skill in managing others’ emotions.
Social competence underlies popularity, leadership and interpersonal
effectiveness.

Experts now believe that a combination of Emotional Intelligence (Ei) and

intellectual skills (IQ) is the most powerful determinant of successful and effective
job performance. Or Ei + IQ = Success.

Ei in Practice within Schools

Schools are starting to implement aspects of Ei in to their daily routines :

• They work on 5 key emotional skills : Self Awareness, Managing
Emotions, Empathy, Motivation, Communication.
• In one primary school 5 minutes is spent each day after playtime
discussing how playtime went.
• Some schools have “circle time” – a weekly half hour session (sat in a
circle) to talk about feelings. The session allows expression of emotions
and allows people to find out how others feel. It deals with self-motivation,
empathising with others and recognising & managing feelings.
• Some schools have introduced anger management groups, anti-bullying
training and seminars in Ei.
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• Others still have “Quiet Rooms” where people can ‘shake-off’ anger,
recharge their batteries or spend a couple of quiet, reflective minutes on
their own.
• In one school the number of 5 ‘A’ grade passes rose from 8% to 34% after
the introduction of Ei, backing up the principle that developing Ei can
unlock potential.
• Schools are coming round to the way of thinking that it is more important
to learn how to manage anxiety than to know how to spell it !

Why bother developing your Ei?

UK research shows that people who develop their Ei have lower stress levels,
enjoy better health, higher levels of morale and performance and better quality of
life.

Some Ei tips:

 Get to know yourself and learn to recognise your emotions.

 Be open to feedback.
 Stay calm and focused on your goals.
 Show sensitivity and understanding of others perspectives.
 Label your feelings rather than labelling people or situations. Eg say “I
feel impatient”, don’t say “this is ridiculous”.
 Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.
 Take responsibility for your feelings, Eg say “I feel jealous”, don’t say “you
are making me jealous”.
 Use your feelings to help you make decisions, Eg “How will I feel if ..?”
 Show respect for other people’s feelings.
 Feel energised not angry.
 Don’t advise, command, control, criticise, judge or lecture others.
 Avoid people who invalidate you.

Further Reading :

The Emotional Intelligence Pocketbook – Margaret Chapman

Understanding Emotional Intelligence in a week – Jill Dann
Working with Emotional Intelligence – Daniel Goleman
Test your Emotional Intelligence – Jill Dann
7 steps to Emotional Intelligence – Patrick E Merlevede
Making sense of Emotional Intelligence – Malcolm Higgs & Victor Dulewicz
Emotional Intelligence Activity Book : 50 activities for promoting EQ at work – Adele B Lynn