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Today I’m continuing a summer sermon series on the Core Values of Chain of Lakes Church.
One reason I love our congregation is I love our Purpose Statement and Core Values. Our Core
Values are reason enough for each of us to let our friends know that something special is taking
place at Chain of Lakes Church. When people hear what we stand for, they are going to want to
be with us.

Today I’m preaching on healthy disagreement.

Let me remind you, a Core Value is a principle, quality, belief, and or/attitude that is
foundational to our community.

One way we’ll use our Core Values is to evaluate our ministry. For example we are really
excited about our Vacation Bible School that will take place starting two weeks from tomorrow.
How are we going to evaluate if Vacation Bible School is successful.

We set a goal of 25 kids attending, which actually might be a bit low. How else are we going to
evaluate our Vacation Bible School? We’ll evaluate it by asking how well we displayed our
Core Values in Vacation Bible School. We’ll ask the question, How well did we do at sharing
hospitality in Bible School? How relevant were we? In what ways did we model acceptance?
How successful were we at having an Outward Focus?

We can use our Core Values to evaluate every part of our ministry.

I want to encourage you to get out the devotion/sermon notes/prayer sheet that is in the bulletin.
Each week I share a devotion that relates to the theme of the day. I encourage you to use it. This
devotion is an opportunity for you to read the Scriptures every day. It takes about 10 minutes to
do. Read the Scripture—maybe more than once—read the devotion—pray for the people who
are listed in the Prayer sheet. You will be blessed if you use it.
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Today we’re looking at the Core Value of “Healthy Disagreement.” I might have more

passion for living out this Core Value in our congregation than any other Value. I love all eight

of our Values, but there is a lot at stake in how well we do at living “Healthy disagreement.”

What at stake is the health of our congregation.

I dream of a congregation where people feel very comfortable at disagreeing in meetings.

We speak the truth, but we always speak the truth in love. When we disagree we do it face-to-

face. When we disagree at meetings, we frequently will say “let’s pray about it and find the

mind of Christ together.” When we disagree we’ll continue to love the people with whom we

disagree. In fact we find ourselves saying, “even though I disagree with this person on this issue

I really love that person. When we disagree we do it around the table. We declare the parking

lot of the church a no meeting zone. You know what I mean. Too often the parking lot is the

place where the real meeting takes place because no one wanted to disagree around the table. At

Chain of Lakes let’s declare the parking lot as a no meeting zone. When we disagree we come to

realize the true biblical teaching that there is always more that brings us together than separates

us.

Is this easy? No. Our world has become deeply polarized. This polarization seeps into

the church.

This past Tuesday night six of us staffed a booth at the Night to Unite festival that the

city of Lexington put on. Our booth was in the parking lot of the Lovell building. It was a

lovely evening. At our booth kids spun a wheel for prizes, and we asked adults to fill out a

survey sharing what they see as the needs in the community. Towards the end of the evening a

couple came up to our booth. They spent some time talking to John & Gloria Ivers. Then they

started talking to me. We talked for about 10 minutes. We could tell that the couple had some

level of interest in Chain of Lakes. Then the person “okay.” It’s like the person said, “enough of

the niceness, let’s get serious.” At the end of the conversation the person asked me the
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Presbyterian position on gay marriage. I shared the position. Presbyterians haven’t adopted gay

marriage. We define marriage as a covenant between a man and a woman. At the General

Assembly last month there was a push to accept gay marriage. It wasn’t approved. I shared with

the person that all main-line denominations (Lutherans, Methodists, UCC, & Presbyterians will

continue to wrestle with this issue. Like all main-line denominations Presbyterians have people

who are passionately for gay marriage; we have people who are passionately against gay

marriage.

What’s important for me is we model healthy disagreement for the world. The world is

looking for a community of people who encourage discussion while valuing all opinions. The

world is looking for a community of people who speak the truth in love, who treat each other

respectfully and with dignity, and people who seek to remain in community with each other.

Our beliefs about God and about any issue are important. And just as important is how

well we treat each other despite our disagreements. That’s hard

We had a group who put together our eight Core Values and the explanations for each

Core Value. We struggled with Healthy Disagreement. Because I am so passionate about this

value, I was the one who wanted it as one of our Core Values. I received some pushback. We

had healthy disagreement about whether to have Healthy disagreement as a Core Value. We

started with this:

SLIDE: Disagree without drawing blood

SLIDE: Disagreement happens

We accept that disagreements happen. We will strive to disagree in love and without drawing
blood

SLIDE: Disagreement without discord

We will listen to each other with open minds and heart so that even though we may not agree we
will not lose our respect and love for each other.

SLIDE: Disagreement without damage

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We will always encourage discussion while valuing different opinions. When we disagree we
will speak the truth in love, treat others respectfully, without conflict, and always seek to stay in
community.

Finally!
SLIDE: Healthy Disagreement
When we disagree we will encourage discussion while valuing all opinions. We will speak truth
in love, treat others respectfully with dignity, and seek to remain in community.

A long time ago I served as the Youth Director of a Presbyterian church in Babylon, New

York. The church was located on Long Island. My supervisor was a man by the name of Ken

Cragg. He said something that has always stayed with me. He said that when people disagree

poorly they become one of two animals. They either become this:

SLIDE: skunk

SLIDE: turtle

Or they become this:

When we disagree we often feel threatened. What does a skunk do when it feels

threatened. It spews all over.

We probably know of people who spew all over when they disagree. The person is going

to share his or her opinion no matter what the cost. The person can’t stop talking. The person

doesn’t listen well. The person probably isn’t going to change his or her opinion. When others

walk out of the room after disagreeing with the person, it wouldn’t be surprising if they carry a

odor with them.

What does a turtle do when it disagrees? It goes into its shell. We probably know of

people who go into their shell when a disagreement takes place. The person is present physically

in the conversation, but the person will hardly say a word. The person won’t share his or her

opinion. The person won’t share his or her emotions. It’s as if the person wants to hide from the

conversation.
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Question: Do you think people in Minnesota traditionally run the risk of being a

skunk or being a turtle when they disagree? I think a turtle.

I think our turtle nature comes from our desire for Minnesota Nice. I’ve lived in

Minnesota most of my life. I love this state and its values and the people who live here. Even

though my Dad was born and grew up in Iowa he came over from the dark side—so both of my

parents embody the value of Minnesota nice. One of the most powerful statements of Minnesota

Nice is the following statement. Fill in the blank. “If you can’t say something nice, …”

If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. This statement was ingrained

in me as a boy growing up in Minnesota.

There’s a lot to like about this statement. If we follow it we will be polite people and

courteous people. However let me ask you this. Was Jesus always nice?

No, Jesus was not always nice. Remember the story of Jesus overturning the tables of the

money changers in the Temple. According to John’s version of the story he took a whip of cords

and used it. He poured out the coins of the money changers. Jesus was like a tornado causing

destruction in the Temple. Was Jesus being nice?

Jesus said the following words about the Pharisees in Matthew 23

SLIDE: Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the
cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence (Matthew 23:25)

SLIDE: Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed
tombs, which on the outside look beautiful but inside they are full of the bones of the dead and of
al kinds of filth (Matthew 23:27)

Remember Jesus’ teaching on the summary of the law. Did Jesus say, “be nice to God with all

your heart and soul and mind and be nice to your neighbor as you are nice to yourself?” No. He

said “Love God with all your heart and soul and mind and love your neighbor as you love

yourself.”

Jesus always loved people, but Jesus wasn’t always nice.

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You might ask the question “what’s the difference between loving people and being

nice?”

We can be nice to someone and not love someone with our heart. When we love our

neighbor in Christian love we go out of our way to help the person. We would sacrifice our own

interests to help. When we love someone we give our heart to others. God wants us to love

people with our heart.

When we’re nice we follow the conventions of politeness. I can be nice to you, but not

give you my heart. I can be courteous to you, but not be interested in how you are doing as a

person. I can be polite to you, but not take the time to learn about what is happening on the

inside.

To put it most simply being nice is following a convention; loving someone involves

giving our heart. At Chain of Lakes we are called to love people. That’s why when we

explained healthy disagreement we talked about speaking the truth in love.

Let me start to wrap up by sharing two points about healthy disagreement. They are

meant for turtles. You might want to write these down. The first point is to share the truth in

love. In the reading from Ephesians we heard this phrase, speak the truth in love. Ephesians has

two of the most powerful chapters in the Bible—chapter 2 and chapter 4. We’re going to read

chapter 4 in our devotion this week. In this chapter the writer shared some beautiful ways to live

with people with whom we disagree.

SLIDE: With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:2)

These words share better than I can how to disagree with someone.

Then later the writer of Ephesians said:

SLIDE: But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the
head, into Christ. (Ephesians 4:15)
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This passage shares with us that we are not complete people unless we speak the truth in

love. What’s interesting to me is this passage teaches us that if we don’t speak the truth in love

we are behaving like children. We grow up when we speak the truth in love. By speaking the

truth in love we become the people whom God desires for us to be.

Please notice—we’re not called to just share the truth. We’re not called to be a skunk

just spewing our opinions as we please. We’re called to share the truth in love.

Second point is I want to share is I want to introduce a term into our community. That

term is push back. Say those words with me. I realize that speaking the truth in love is hard.

When we disagree I encourage all of us to start our statement with the words “push back.” Say

someone says at a meeting that the sky is green. I’m not going to say, “how dumb can you be.”

I’m not going to say, “are you color blind?” I’m not going to withhold the truth. I’m going to

respond to this statement by saying, “let me push back by saying the sky is blue.”

Let me challenge you to use this term “push back” this week. Use it every day. When

you disagree start with the words, “push back.” Let me push back.

We’re a stronger community when people push back. After worship I’m going to talk

about our new publicity plan that has been developed. If there is something you are uncertain

about, I encourage you to push back. Through push back our ideas are refined like a metal going

through fire.

You might think, “I don’t want to disagree with the pastor.” I encourage you to disagree

with me—in a healthy way. You don’t need my permission to push back, but I’m giving you

permission to push back on any idea that I share. I challenge you to use the term, “push back”

this week.

Communities can be scarred when the truth is not spoken in love. When I was at

Plainview we did a huge building campaign. It was a 1.1 million dollar campaign. The chair of
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our building campaign was a man by the name of George. Of course this isn’t his name. George

and I worked very closely with each other.

A couple years after we moved into the building we got a request from the Migrant

Council in Plainview. I knew about the request because I was on the board of the Migrant

Council. The Migrant Council asked if the church would host Migrant Head Start for the

summer. The program would take over every part of the building except for the sanctuary. The

church would have been paid rent, they would have gotten a free commercial refrigerator, and

they would have provided a badly needed space for the Migrants of the community.

This was something new for the congregation. We had never received a request like this

before. We asked our Building/Grounds team to make a recommendation to the Session about

what the church should do. George was the co-chair of the team. We decided to have a

congregational forum where we would discuss this issue.

We had the meeting. Right at the beginning of the meeting George’s wife stood up and

made an impassioned plea against hosting Migrant Head Start. All of a sudden we had a verbal

fight on our hands. Many people agreed with George’s wife. They didn’t want to give up the

building for Migrant Head Start. Some people got up to defend the idea. All of us who were

leading the meeting were bewildered. We didn’t see this fight coming on. I knew we were in

trouble because after the meeting during our time of fellowship people stopped talking when I

came into the room. That was the only time that happened in 16 years of ministry. A deep sense

of anxiety came over the congregation. I was told later that after the meeting the phone lines

were running hot among the Presbyterians in Plainview, Minnesota.

The next day I called a meeting of our two Building and Grounds chairs. I told them I

was completely surprised by what had happened. Then George said something I won’t forget.

He said, “I knew my wife was angry and was going to speak against the proposal.” I couldn’t
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believe it. Why didn’t you say anything? If I had known that this conflict would erupt I would

have cancelled the meeting. We would have figured out another way to handle the decision.

George withheld the truth from us. Because of that we had a huge mess to clean up.

Eventually we were able to clean up the mess. We put together a task force who spent

two months working on the issue. They listened to people from both sides of the issue;

eventually they made a recommendation that the congregation not host Migrant Head Start; the

Session voted to agree with the recommendation. Eventually the anxiety level went down. It

was a lot of work. We could have saved so much time if George had spoke the truth in love.

There’s a cost to withholding the truth.

Today we’re coming to the table. Jesus died so we can love each other. A deep part of

loving each other is learning how to disagree in a healthy way. We grow into Christ when we do

it. As we come to the Table let us reflect on how we can become adults in our relationship with

Christ.