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Eric B. Santiago

Dr. Schuster

Hon. English 101


Comment: You don’t really need to tell me
Sunday, November 28, 2010 what day it was. The date will suffice.
Comment: I’m guessing something was
NFL: supposed to come after this colon.
Comment: This kind of commentary is
The National Football League started way back in 1920 with only 11 teams now unnecessary.

in its 91st season there are 32 teams and is generally considered the most popular game in
Comment: Avoid run-ons.
America. It is always full of thrill and heartbreak and always has their fans on the edge of

their seats. However very recently there has been a shadow over the NFL and that is the

ever-growing emergence of concussions in the game. The players are bigger and faster
Comment: Write out fifteen.
then they were say only 15 years ago, so with this comes bigger collisions and even more

harmful injuries. Players often suffered concussions but would never come out the game

due to either not wanting to let their team down or team doctors lacking sufficient

training in concussions. Most players still carry the old school mentality of just getting

their bell rung and wanting to go back in the game, and so some feel they should be able

to go right back in the game if they feel fine. However, many are misinformed of the
Comment: Write out one.
dangers of going back into the game and players should have to miss at least 1 game and

not have the opportunity to play in the following game.

Right now in the NFL if the player is able to pass concussion tests they are able to

make an appearance and start in the next game. This is absolutely ridiculous because if a
Comment: The first?
player were to suffer another concussion while still recovering from another the dangers
Comment: This should be a period.
are quite life threatening. Receiving constants blows to the head is never a good thing,

boxers have to sit out at least 30 days when suffering a concussion yet if a player passes a
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test on the sidelines he will be in on the next play possible. Two main brain injuries that

retired NFL players suffer from are dementia and Alzheimer’s disease and these players
Comment: Source?
suffer at five times the rate higher then the national average. A lot of these players played

when the game turned real nasty and physical and that was in the late 1960’s and early

1970’s. They played while the rules were not really enforced and now in their 60’s these

players are paying quite the price as many are already in the late stages of the two

aforementioned diseases.
Comment: Spell this out a little more
Yet with all these facts there is still the mentality of that it happens, which to a clearly. That what happens?

certain extent is true. Yes dangerous head to head collisions are going to happen, there is

nothing the League can do to prevent this without making it flag football. When a fan or

player reads the quote at the end of this upcoming passage one has to wonder:

When the league-sponsored Michigan study reported this September that

retirees were reporting rates of Alzheimer’s and other memory-related

diseases at five times or more the national rate, Aiello said, “There are

thousands of retired players who do not have memory problems,” and,

“Memory disorders affect many people who never played football or other

sports.” (Alan Schwarz)

Even with the facts in his face Greg Aiello (a league spokesman) was in a way able to

blow off the facts as unimportant. His approach and philosophy is very similar to tobacco

executives for example if a tobacco executive is given the clear cut facts about how lung

cancer and tobacco are correlated, he would most likely say well people who do not

smoke also get lung cancer. Now this is very true in that concussions happen from not

playing football and lung cancer from not smoking, but they are overlooking that there is
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still dangerous elements to their respective business. The NFL will not admit this but one

could easily feel that they are more concerned with money then health of their players. It

seems as if they will almost do anything to keep their star players on the field because

without them then fewer fans are going to show up.


Comment: Usually the phrase is couple of
Now within the last couple weeks the NFL has toughened up on violent head to weeks.

head collisions as players are now being fined or even suspended for their actions.
Comment: A comma usually follows
However some players fine some fault with this as some feel this is “softening” up the However.

game and others feel they are the scapegoat for this new policy such as Pittsburgh

Steelers Linebacker James Harrison, as he has been fined three times this year for his

hits. Always known for his rough style of play James feels he has to become a player he

is not and almost considered retiring if he had to keep paying fines. His concerns are

valid and not much can be done to change his playing style. At this point in his career he
Comment: Write out seven.
has been playing since he was probably 7 years old so he has been playing for at least 20

years. This can be changed though with the upcoming generation of football players, the

PAL coaches and other programs can teach children how to avoid hitting another player

by simply just putting their head into it. This will not eliminate all injuries of football but

constant reminder from when they are young to even the higher levels can most certainly

make a difference on the field.

The NFL is doing what they can to change the game of football so that it is less

harmful. There is always going to be injuries as there are injuries in any other sport. Just

recently the NFL has proposed to extend to an 18 game season, which means an even

bigger amount of injuries could occur. This propositon does not make too much sense at a

time of concerns with concussions because by extending the season there is even more
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chances for such a serious injury to occur. Once again this all comes down to money as

the NFL is trying to gain more money off the meaningless preseason games that are

played. It is not worth the extra couple millions that the team earns then possibly

damaging a couple players brains for the rest of their life. Ask former New England

Patriot Linebacker Ted Johnson (major advocate for retired players who feel they should

get more benefits) if he would have like to play two more games while he went back into

games with concussions, ask the thousands of people who played any form of pro

football who now suffer from brain damage. The answer would be a resounding no! The

NFL has to make players sit out for at least one game even if these players feel fine. It is

nice to have fame and fortune now but when that player is just only in his early 50’s and

already forgotten that he has brushed his teeth then something must be done to prevent

that. Hopefully the NFL learns now then later.


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Works Cited

Online Newspaper
Comment: Last name should come first.
Alan Schwarz. “N.F.L. Acknowledges Long-Term Concussion Effects.” The New York

Times. The New York Times, 20 Dec. 2009. Web. 28 Nov. 2010.

• Thesis/Support: 4
• Summary/Analysis: 4
• Organization/Development: 4
• Mechanics: 2
• Citations: 2
• Sources: 2
• Instructions: 3

Avg.: 3/B

Comments: For the next paper, do some research into why head trauma is so dangerous
from a medical perspective. Use this information to support your argument.

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