The Art of Meeting With Your Manager

The art of
Meeting
With Your
Manager
How to leverage the
power of one-on-one
meetings to achieve
career hyper-growth
and feel confident at work.
Foreword by Julie Zhuo , author of The Making of a Manager

Treat Your Manager as a Coach
Foreword by Julie Zhuo

Author of The Making of a Manager
For years, I held the mental model that my boss –like my teachers and professors of the
past– was someone in a position of authority who took note of what I did and passed
judgement on it. As such, how I interacted with my manager could be summarized in
one neat statement: Don’t mess it up. I considered it a failure if my manager had to be
involved in something I was responsible for. It felt to me like the equivalent of a  
blinking neon sign that read, Warning: employee not competent enough to take care of task
on her own.
However, I quickly learned that a manager’s job is to help their team get better results,
which means that, when you do better, by extension, your manager does better.
Hence, your manager is someone who is on your side, who wants you to succeed, and
who is usually willing to invest their time and energy into helping you. The key is to
treat your manager as a coach, and not as a judge.
Can you imagine a star athlete trying to hide his weaknesses from his coach? Would
you tell a personal trainer, “Oh, I’m pretty fit, I’ve got it under control,” when she asks
you how she can help you achieve a better workout? Of course not. That is not how a
coaching relationship works.
Foreword by Julie Zhuo, Author of The Making of a Manager 2

Instead, engage your manager for feedback. Ask, “What skills do you think I should
work on in order to have more impact?” Share your personal goals and enlist his help: “I
want to learn to become a better presenter, so I’d be grateful if you kept an eye out for
opportunities where I can get in front of others.” Tell him your hand problems so he can
help you work through them: “I’m making a hiring call between two candidates with
different strengths. Can I walk you through my thinking and get your advice?”
When I started to see 1:1s with my manager as an opportunity for focused learning, I
got so much more out of them.
Even when I’m not grappling with a problem, asking open-ended questions like,  
“How do you decide which meetings to attend?” or “How do you approach selling a
candidate?” takes advantage of my manager’s know-how and teaches me  
something new.
Originally published in The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks to You.
Foreword by Julie Zhuo, Author of The Making of a Manager 3

Table of Contents
The Art of Meeting with your Manager

How to leverage the power of one-on-one meetings to achieve career hyper-growth  
and feel confident at work.
Foreword Julie Zhuo, author of The Making of a Manager.
Chapter 1 Why the one-on-one meeting with your manager  

can be a game-changer for your career.
1.1 The little-known secret about one-on-one meetings.
1.2 Becoming a one-on-one meeting pro.
1.3 What is a one-on-one meeting, anyway?
1.4 7 Key ingredients to next-level one-on-one meetings.
1.5 The importance of a good relationship with your manager.
Chapter 2 5 Minute Check-up: Are you a one-on-one meeting novice,

senior, or pro?
When it comes to your one-on-one meeting skills, are you a pro or a novice?  
Take this five-minute one-on-one check-up to find out.
Chapter 3 5 Items for your one-on-one meeting agenda + tips to prepare

like a pro.
3.1 Personal preamble: Build a good relationship with your manager.
3.2 Your agenda section: Updates, learnings, and achievements.
3.3 Manager’s section: Cascading information, roadblocks, and feedback.
3.4 The most overlooked part of the one-on-one: Priorities for the week ahead.
3.5 Development & growth: Skills development, stretch assignments, and goals.
Table of Contents 4
Chapter 4 How to work smarter, not harder: Special mention on the
power of aligning priorities.
4.1 Why priority alignment is an essential part of your one-on-ones.
4.2 How to record and organize your weekly priorities.
Chapter 5 How to follow through like an expert and show your manager
that you’re highly dependable.
5.1 8 key steps to professional meeting follow-through.
5.2 Why following through on your action items shows accountability and professionalism.
Chapter 6 Frequently asked questions about one-on-one meetings:

What are the world’s top leaders doing and why?
6.1 How often to meet and for how long?
6.2 What’s better: a regular prescheduled one-on-one or ad hoc as needed?
6.3 What day of the week is best to meet?
6.4 Where should you and your manager meet?
6.5 Are one-on-ones work or personal?
6.6 Is there a standard/universal one-on-one meeting agenda?
Chapter 7 19 questions that will impress your manager and turbocharge

your career.
7.1 Checking-in with expectations.
7.2 Asking about personal development and career progression.
7.3 Aligning priorities.
7.4 Asking your manager for resources.
7.5 Being a team player.
Table of Contents 5
Chapter 8 Feeling nervous before your one-on-ones? Avoid meeting
anxiety with these 6 tips.
8.1 Expect, accept, and do it anyway.
8.2 Learn and practice your one-on-one meeting skills.
8.3 Plan and prepare for your one-on-ones.
8.4 Get in the right state of mind.
8.5 Call-in some outside help.
8.6 Pick yourself up and try again.
Chapter 9 7 Common mistakes to avoid in one-on-one meetings with

your manager.
9.1 Getting defensive when your manager gives you constructive feedback.
9.2 Arriving late or unprepared and forgetting the meeting agenda.
9.3 Not taking ownership of the meeting.
9.4 Getting stuck in the past.
9.5 Forgetting to take notes and assign clear action items.
9.6 Not telling your manager what they need to know and forgetting to  
ask for what you need.
9.7 Not bringing up your wins and achievements.
Chapter 10 What to do when it all goes wrong  

(because sometimes, it will).
10.1 Don’t overthink – check-in!
10.2 Find common ground.
10.3 Don’t give up, trust the process.
Table of Contents 6
Chapter 11 Skills and tools for career-boosting one-on-one meetings.
11.1 Using the right one-on-one meeting software.
11.2 Working remotely? Use these video conferencing tools.
11.3 Improve your leadership skills with these career-changing books.
Table of Contents 7
Chapter 1
Why the one-on-one meeting

with your manager can be a
game-changer for your career.
1.1 The Little-Known Secret About  

One-on-One Meetings
The secret about one-on-one meetings is that hardly anyone is trained on how to do
them. Most people just make it up as they go along. No wonder the one-on-one
meeting is misunderstood and under-appreciated.
What many employees don’t realize is just how important your one-on-one meeting
with your manager is. Your one-on-one meeting is your opportunity to:
• Communicate your contributions, so you can get acknowledgement and

recognition for all the hard work you’ve done,
• Resolve any miscommunications that could create tension between you and  
your manager,
• Get important guidance, so you don’t head in the wrong direction,
Chapter 1: Why the one-on-one meeting with your

8
manager can be a game-changer for your career.
• Get career and personal growth through development and career  
management, and
• Build and maintain a healthy relationship with your manager.
This is why the one-on-one meeting with your manager is your key to a healthy, happy
and successful workplace. Not to mention that it’s the gateway to better bonuses,
promotions and increases.
“One-on-one meetings with your direct manager are an
essential feature of a good working relationship.”
– Camille Fournier, The Manager’s Path
Now given that your one-on-one meeting with your manager is your most important
work meeting, don’t you think that it’s a good idea to invest in your technique? The
good news is that you’re in the right place!
1.2 Becoming a One-on-One Meeting Pro
Whether you’re a total novice and have never had a one-on-one meeting before, or if
you’ve already had many, I will share with you the expert techniques so you can
become a one-on-one meeting pro!
How you use the guide is up to you: You can dip into the guide to pick up a few tips. Or,
if you want to become a one-on-one meeting expert, then read it cover to cover and
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keep it as a reference. My goal is to share with you what I wish someone had told me at
the beginning of my career.
Along the way, I will be busting some myths and I will be sharing some tried and tested
secret skills.
If you’ve ever felt anxious about a one-on-one meeting, or unsure about what to do,
there’s no need to feel ashamed – because many employees feel the same way. Meeting
with your manager can be stressful, but this guide will show you how to make the most
of these meetings so that you can look forward to them with confidence.
Let’s start by addressing the most common myth about one-on-one meetings:
Myth The one-on-one meeting is your manager's meeting.
The mistake most employees make is that they leave it up to their manager to run the
meeting. This is an easy mistake to make when your manager is usually the one to
schedule the meeting and set the agenda.
This meeting is YOUR time with your manager. If you take a passive role in the meeting,
then your manager will focus on their agenda and you will not get your needs met. As a
manager, I can share with you that employees who are not engaged and do not arrive
prepared leave a bad impression of their performance.
Fact You own the one-on-one meeting.
Take an active part in owning the one-on-one meetings. Participate in setting the
agenda, prepare for your meetings and take an active role in the meeting.
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Expert Tools
Using a one-on-one meeting tool such as Fellow.app gives you the opportunity to
collaborate on a meeting agenda. In this way, you can ensure that you always cover
the topics that are important to you. 
1.3 What is a One-on-One Meeting, Anyway?

We all think we know what a one-on-one meeting is, right? Well, because so few
people formally learn one-on-one meeting skil s, there is a wide misunderstanding on
what a one-on-one meeting should be. Even more confusing, 1 to 1s, 121, One to
Ones, One on Ones, 1 on 1s are all different names for the same meeting. Clearly, it’s a
meeting between you and your manager. The concept is to have some dedicated quality
time outside of the regular office bustle because this doesn’t allow the same level of
time, focus & privacy.
Different Managers = Different Meeting Styles
As an employee, what you need to understand is that different managers have different
ideas of what a one-on-one meeting is. This means that you and your manager might
have different expectations on what topics to cover and how frequently to meet. These
different expectations create misunderstandings which put the wonderful one-on-one
meeting benefits at risk:
manager can be a game-changer for your career. 11

• Some managers use one-on-one meetings as regular status meetings, to check in
on the progress of day to day work,
• Others see it as, an occasional meeting to discuss career progression,
• Others see it as a crisis meeting that they only call to fix things when they have
gone off track. Or,
• In the worst case some managers don’t believe in one-on-one meetings at all!
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Pro Tip
To avoid misunderstandings and ensure you achieve what you want from your
one-on-one meeting, I recommend that you take responsibility for knowing what
you need to achieve. The key to next-level one-on-one meetings is to ensure that
you cover all of the essential topics, when, and as often as needed. This guide is
the right place to start!
12
1.4 7 Key Ingredients to Next-Level One-on-Ones:
1 Establish and maintain an open channel of communication to keep
everything running smoothly,
2 Keep your manager informed of your work progress and achievements,
3 Align priorities to ensure you’re working on the most important tasks,
4 Ask in depth questions to find out what you need to know,
5 Get performance feedback in time to make a correction,
6 Define your career growth and put growth plans into action,
7 Get coaching & guidance to improve your skills and solve problems.
Remember: the single most important objective of your one-on-one meetings is to
build an effective working relationship with your manager. Building a good relationship
doesn’t mean becoming friends with your manager. Building a good relationship means
getting to know and understand each other's skills, preferences and tendencies.
“As any personality quiz will tell you, we’ve all got different  
strengths, different needs, different histories, and different things we’re
optimizing for ... To get to know your teammates as individuals, start from a
place of genuine curiosity and authenticity.”
– Lara Hogan, Resilient Management
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1.5 The Importance of a Good Relationship
With Your Manager
Wrong or right, your relationship with your manager has a massive effect on your
workplace health, happiness and success. If you have a healthy relationship:
• You’re more likely to resolve conflict,
• You’ll be more likely to get the work assignments that you want,
• You will like and respect each other more, and
• You’ll be able to be yourself at work without fear of judgement or reprisals. Being
yourself is part of self-actualisation which, in turn, is an important part of finding
meaning and happiness in life.
On the other hand, when you have a dysfunctional relationship with  
your manager, then:
• Your manager will be more judgemental and critical of your work,
• You will receive less acknowledgement and recognition,
• Your personal, financial and career growth will suffer,
• You will work in a more stressful environment and
• You’re more likely to leave your job or get fired!
Wrapping up
The bad news is that everyone makes it up as they go along. The good news is that it
doesn’t take much effort to be better than the rest. All you need to do is invest in
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yourself by studying one-on-one meeting technique and put what you learn into
practice. It won’t take much for your one-on-one meeting skills to stand out and you’ll
be on the path to a great working relationship with your manager.
Myth Your manager knows exactly what they are doing in the
one-on-one meeting.
Guess how many managers have received training in how to conduct one-on-one
meetings? The answer is virtually zero. Even if your manager went to a prestigious
business school and did an MBA (Master of Business Administration), they haven’t
formally learnt this essential management skill, because “one-on-one meetings” isn’t on
the curriculum. Even if your manager has done hundreds of one-on-ones, there’s no
guarantee they’ve learnt good technique and they won’t know what the best practice
content is.
Fact It is your responsibility to take ownership and get your needs met
in the one-on-one meeting.
Don’t expect your manager to be a one-on-one meeting pro. Your manager may have a
totally different idea of what content to cover in a one-on-one meeting, or in the worst
cases some managers think one-on-one meetings are a waste of their time. This is why
you have to take ownership for getting your needs met in your one-on-one meetings.
And you do this by knowing how to keep the process efficient and effective. Develop
your one-on-one meeting skills by following guides such as this one!
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“Your own boss should be one of your best sources of learning. But this might
not naturally be the case. Maybe he doesn’t see the day-to-day of your work,
or he’s busy putting out other fires, or he simply isn’t as proactive about
helping you guide your path as you’d like. Regardless, the person most
invested in your career path isn’t him; it’s you. Your own growth is in your
hands, so if you feel you aren’t learning from your manager, ask yourself
what you can do to get the relationship that you want.”
– Julie Zhuo, The Making of a Manager
Ps. Do You Manage Employees?
If you’re a manager, don’t be the manager who doesn’t know how to run a one-on-one
meeting with your direct report. Instead, be the manager your employees deserve by
investing in better one-on-one meeting skills. Read The Art of the One on One Meeting
and start using tools such as Fellow.app.
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Chapter 2
5 Minute Check-up: Are you a

one-on-one meeting novice,
senior, or pro?
Get your one-on-one meetings right and you will have a healthier, happier, more
successful career. But get them wrong and you might be looking for a new job soon!
That’s why it’s helpful to know where you stand.
5 Minute Check-up:
When it comes to your one-on-one meeting skills, are you a pro or a novice? Take this
five-minute one-on-one check-up to find out:
(Count your yes and no answers)
1 Do you have regular, pre-scheduled one-on-one meetings  

with your manager?
2 Do you give your manager regular, frequent (on average, more than once a
month) status updates of your work progress, including achievements you
have accomplished?
Chapter 2: 5 Minute Check-up: Are you a one-on-one meeting novice, senior, or pro? 17
3 Do you know and understand your manager? (In the work context, this
means: to know your managers work strengths and weaknesses, their
communication preferences & their likes and dislikes).
4 Do you get regular, frequent guidance on your performance, in advance of

your formal performance appraisal?
5 Do you regularly check in with your manager on what skills they think you
should develop?
6 Do you and your manager have regular conversations about your future job
responsibilities? (Career development).
7 Do you prepare for your one-on-one meetings in advance?
8 Is the agenda for your one-on-one meeting set in advance / do you use a
standing structure to ensure that you cover everything you need to?
9 Have you ever had formal training in one-on-one meeting technique?
10 Does nervousness, or anxiety negatively affect your one-on-one meetings?

E.g. cause you to avoid them?
11 Are the action items from your one-on-one meetings clearly recorded with
a who, does what, by when?
12 Are the actions from prior one-on-one meetings followed up as a  

matter of process?
13 BONUS: Do you use a tool such as Fellow.app to manage your one-on-one

meeting process?
Scoring
check-double
Count your “Yes” answers:

0-4 Novice:
I’m afraid that your one-on-one meetings get a novice score. Investing a little
time in developing your one-on-one skills will give you a huge return.
5-7 Junior:
You are doing some of the good things but are missing out on the majority of
one-on-one meeting benefits. Investing in your one-on-one skills will give
you a positive return for the rest of your career.
8-10 Senior:
You have almost reached expert-level and are performing better than most
employees. You only have a few techniques to learn and stick to, to reach the
highest levels.
11-13 Meeting Pro:
Well done! You're a one-on-one meeting pro. At this level you could teach
other people how to run effective one-on-one meetings. As a one-on-one
meeting pro, you also know that being an expert is about constantly  
refining your technique. Scan the guide to see if there are any areas you’d
like to perfect.
Chapter 3
5 Items for your one-on-one
meeting agenda and tips to
prepare like a pro.
Ever wondered what topics to cover in a one-on-one meeting? This section is perfect
for you! The one-on-one meeting agenda is the structure of these meetings. Some
managers don’t set a formal agenda, but since YOU (the direct report) own this
meeting, it’s your responsibility to make sure that nothing is left out. Having a good
one-on-one meeting agenda is how you make sure you cover the right topics.
Setting an agenda before the meeting is essential for meeting preparation, because it’s
impossible to have a productive conversation if you don’t know what the agenda is!
There’s nothing as embarrassing (and career limiting) as getting asked a question that
you should’ve prepared for and not knowing an answer. That’s a total novice move. In
contrast, using a one-on-one meeting agenda is how you plan an expert-level meeting.
Note: Your manager may take the lead by setting the agenda. That doesn’t mean that
the agenda isn’t also yours. Remember that the one-on-one meeting is your
opportunity to discuss topics that you need your manager’s input on. So, don’t be shy
about adding your topics to the agenda. In fact, if you offer to take over the
responsibility for setting the agenda in the first place, your manager will appreciate you
taking another task off their hands.
Chapter 3: 5 Items for your one-on-one meeting agenda and tips to prepare like a pro. 20
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Expert Tools
What I dislike about agendas is how much backwards and forwards there is to set
them. One person sends an agenda out and then everyone wants to change it.
Sometimes it seems like you need a meeting just to set the agenda!
Using an online collaboration tool such as Fellow.app allows you to painlessly

collaborate on a meeting agenda ahead of time.
Why do you need a meeting agenda?

It should go without saying, but having an agenda for your one-on-one meetings with  
your manager is the key to an effective and efficient meeting. Creating an agenda wil
help you:
• Support the need to meet, by showing what topics need to be discussed,
• Keep a record of what to discuss (which wil help you avoid awkward silences!),
• Keep the meeting moving quickly forward,
• Ensure nothing important gets left out and
• Show your manager that you’ve prepared appropriately!
“It’s rare that an amazing conversation springs forth when
nobody has a plan for what to talk about.”
5 Items to Include in Your One-on-One
Meeting Agenda
One-on-one Meeting Agenda
Personal Preamble Development and Growth
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Your Agenda Section Action Items
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Your Manager’s Section
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Priorities for the Week Ahead
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1 Personal Preamble: Build a Good Relationship with Your Manager
T.B.H. a personal preamble is never on an agenda (unless you count introductions!), but
it would seem weird to have a meeting without a personal check in with your manager.
Remember that a key reason to have regular one-on-one meetings with your manager is
to build an effective working relationship with them by getting to know and understand
each other as people.
Of course, you’re going to look a bit strange if you put “personal preamble” on your
agenda. The point of adding this is here is to remind you to invest in your personal
relationship. Now perhaps you’re already a very social, relationship based, person, I’m
not talking to you. I’m talking to the people who are only business/task focused or are a
little bit shy, especially if you find meeting your manager stressful and you get even
more shy. 
What investing in your relationship with your manager means:
• When your manager shares personal details about themselves (such as a hobby  
or a personal update): take note, show that you’re interested, and bring it up in  
the future,
• Understand who your manager is outside of work, because this will help you
understand their true nature in the office.
This is also a great time for you to share information that is personal but relevant to
work. For example: are you having a bad day at work because you’ve been caring for a
sick dependent? Other examples include: injury/sickness, family issues, leave
requirements, study requirements, etc. This doesn’t have to go into the personal
preamble if you prefer to discuss it in another section (e.g. the week ahead). The point
is: if it’s going to affect your work, let your manager know!
You’re going to have to use your judgement to work out how much time to spend on a
personal preamble. Remember the one-on-one is a work meeting with a tight agenda so
you’ll have to balance the personal with the professional. Here are some things to keep
an eye on at the very beginning of the meeting:
• If you have a social, relationship focused manager you will find them more
interested in building relationships,
• Task-focused managers can be more reserved personally and may want to get the
business out of the way first. Don’t be offended if your manager seems less
interested in socializing because this is about their communication style, not you,
• Some days your manager will be in a hurry and keen to get going with the agenda.
Others they may seem chatty and sociable. Go with the flow, as long as you can be
sure you have enough time to do what you need done!
Using the personal preamble is a good way to find out what mood your manager is in.
Paying careful attention to social cues is good practice in developing your soft skills.
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Pro Tips
1 Your manager is a human and has good days and tough days, just like you.
This means you can get very different answers according to when you ask a
question. Working successfully with a manager will require that you get to
know them personally, and know how and when to adjust your working
style to be more effective with your manager. 
2 Don’t be so serious! That’s not just advice from the joker, that’s how you
can enjoy your work. Your personal pre-amble is your chance to set the
tone of the meeting with your manager. Arrive light hearted, confident in
your preparation and with a smile on your face and both of you will have a
more enjoyable and productive meeting.
2 Your Agenda Section: Updates, Learnings, and Achievements
This is where you tell your manager what they need to know. Remember that many
managers have very little idea of what you actually do on a day-to-day basis, unless you
actually tell them. Use this section to give a report on what’s happened since you last
met. A status update on what you have achieved and how things are going.
While no one likes a show-off, if there is something that you’ve done that you are
proud of, then let your manager know. Many employees feel undervalued and lacking
recognition, while not realising that it’s difficult to get recognition for achievements,
unless your manager knows what those achievements are.
“Your manager is your face to the rest of the organization.
Right this second, someone you don’t know is saying
something great about you because you took five minutes
to pitch your boss on your work. Your manager did that. You
gave him something to say.”
– Michael Lopp, Managing Humans
lightbulb What to Prepare? Be ready to discuss:
• What you've done since your last one-on-one meeting, especially reporting back
on outstanding actions and prior priorities. Following up shows professionalism
and builds trust.
• Outcomes/ Results achieved, including difficulties you've faced and overcome.
• Any important decisions your manager should be informed about.
• Any other FYI topics you think your manager would like to be informed about.  
This is your opportunity to keep your manager informed of risks before they
become issues!
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Pro Tip
Don't forget that if your manager has given you work to do (but you haven't yet
done it), your manager still wants to know that you haven't forgotten about it and
when you are planning to get it done.
3 Your Manager’s Section: Cascading Information, Roadblocks,  
and Feedback.
Although this is your manager’s section, that doesn’t mean you take a passive role and
hope that your manager tells you everything you need to know. The reality is many
managers just aren’t that good at communication. Instead, I suggest you be prepared to
prompt the conversation to find out what you need to know.
For example:
• Is your manager not great at giving you or asking for feedback? Then specifically
ask for feedback about your work, and suggest ways in which your team
dynamics/processes could improve.
• Don’t wait for your manager to offer you help, if you need information, resources,
advice or expedition then ask for what you need.
• What problems do you need your manager’s input on?
• What decisions do you need your manager to make that are beyond  
your authority?
• What information do you need from your manager?
• Is there any feedback you’d like to share with your manager?
Put these items onto the agenda, because this gives your manager time to think and
prepare. This could be the difference between getting an answer in the meeting or
having to wait a whole week for a response.
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Pro Tip
Here’s a tip that my manager told me many years ago: Always take detailed notes
during your discussions with your manager.
As a manager, I can share with you that one of my biggest bugbears is employees
who don’t take notes. Especially when I know that there is no chance that the
employee is going to remember what they need to remember without notes. Part
of listening skills is demonstrating to the speaker that you have heard their
message. And taking notes is a great way to do this. 
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Expert Tools
Would you like to keep all of your meeting notes recorded and filed online? When
you use Fellow.app to write meeting minutes, you can keep track of all the things
that you and your manager discuss over time.
4 The Most Overlooked Part of the One-on-One: Priorities for the
Week Ahead
This is one of the most important, but overlooked parts of the one-on-one meeting. I
can guarantee that your manager has a different view on priorities to you. Investing a
little time every week in finding out what your manager expects of you in the week
ahead is one of the best investments you can make. And that’s why I cover the Power of
Prioritization as its own separate section in this guide.
In my opinion, this is perhaps the most important part of your one-on-one meetings
because this is a chance to make a decision about the future, instead of just report on
the past.
Arriving at your meeting with your priorities mapped out is a pro move because it
shows your manager that you are forward thinking and have planned your work.
• The priorities and tasks you’ll be tackling in the week ahead, with specific timelines.
Don’t expect your priorities to remain unchanged - the whole point of discussing
them with your manager is to make sure you are both aligned.
“At the end of the day, you are only one individual with a limited amount of
time. You can’t do everything, so you must prioritize. What are the most
important topics for you to pay attention to, and where are you going to
draw the line? Perfectionism is not an option. It took me a long time to get
comfortable operating in a world where I had to pick and choose what
mattered the most.”
5 Development & Growth: Skills Development, Stretch Assignments,
and Career Goals.
An important part of one-on-one meetings is to speak about your growth and future
career development.
• Career growth includes promotions and what your career trajectory looks like,
• But a little understood part of growth, is that development also includes your
personal and skills growth within your existing role. Examples include taking over
new responsibilities, asking for stretch assignments, getting coaching, and agreeing
your training requirements.
You may not have a growth conversation every week, but it’s important not to ignore it
because growth is an important part of your workplace happiness and job satisfaction.
This is because:
• If you don’t feel like you are growing, you will get bored and feel stagnant,
• Having something to work towards is motivating,
• Being in a job that we don’t know how to do destroys our confidence,
• Doing a job that we are good at, gives us satisfaction,
• In such a rapidly changing world, if you don’t keep your skills current, you will be
left behind and risk becoming irrelevant.
And not to mention that growth is important to your longer-term financial prospects
through better bonuses, promotions and increases, because:
• Improving your job skills is how you improve work performance,
• Taking on new assignments increases your responsibilities and,
• Defining and working towards career growth will help your career progression.
Development isn’t always about trying to climb the corporate ladder. Development
includes developing the skills you need to do the job you want to do. It’s rare that
you’re matched perfectly to a job, but you can grow into doing work that is a better
match to your skills and interests.
To put it simply in another way: Tell your manager what work you’re good at and  
like doing!
• What skills would you like to develop? Is there any training that is going to improve
your performance or growth?
• Would you like your manager to coach you through any problems or growth areas?
(Especially where your manager is an expert).
• Have you done any training in the past week? (Let your manager know about it).
• Are there any “stretch” work assignments you would like?
• What do you think your next career move is?
star
Pro Tip
Getting constructive feedback on your skills or performance can be daunting, but
it’s better that you get immediate, informal constructive feedback in your
one-on-one meeting rather than a formal, negative rating in your performance
review. It’s essential to check in with performance expectations and develop a
growth mindset .
“The perspective you have changes everything. With a
fixed mindset, your actions are governed by fear – fear of
failure, fear of judgement, fear of being found as an
imposter. With a growth mindset, you’re motivated to seek
out the truth and ask for feedback because you know it’s
the fastest path to get you where you want to go.”
Prepare Like a Pro
Investing the appropriate time in preparing for your one-on-one meetings will make
you look like a meeting pro.
Remember that your manager is usually juggling many different priorities as well as
managing multiple staff. You can’t always rely on your manager to do what you want
them to do. But you can rely on yourself to do what is necessary to get the job done.
When you respect your manager’s time by arriving prepared, ready to move quickly
through the agenda, your manager will appreciate it. Keeping the process efficient and
worthwhile will encourage both of you to stick to the one-on-one meeting process.
laptop
Expert Tools
Setting an agenda every time can get tiresome. How to make life easier
with Fellow.app:
1 Save your meeting agenda as a template and populate it with talking points
every week, before each one-on-one.
2 Set Fellow.app to carry forward your outstanding/unresolved items from
the prior week.
Chapter 4
How to work smarter, not

harder: Special mention on the
power of aligning priorities.
As a manager and as an employee, I’ve found that agreeing priorities for the week
ahead is one of the most powerful tools in one-on-one meetings. I wanted to share
with you what I’ve learnt because it’s been really helpful at saving time, getting work
done and perhaps most importantly, keeping the relationship with your  
manager healthy.
4.1 Why Priority Alignment is an Essential Part of Your

One-on-Ones with Your Manager
The consequences of not sharing and aligning your priorities with your manager can be
dire, because:
• You can be working hard, but wasting your time on work that your manager
doesn’t find very valuable,
• Your manager can think that you’re not a good performer, not because you’re not
working hard but simply because you’re not meeting their expectations. And
Chapter 4: How to work smarter, not harder: Special mention on the power of aligning priorities 35
• Your manager can experience delays to their own work because they are waiting
on work from you.
Myth My manager tells me what they want from me.

Warning: Far too many employees think that they’re doing well in their jobs, only to get
to their performance review and get an unexpectedly low rating.
In a perfect world, you should be able to rely on your manager to keep you informed of
their priorities and expectations, but the reality is that your manager is a fallible human
being just like the rest of us. Priorities change over time. All of this means that your
manager probably has expectations that they have not shared with you.
Fact It's your responsibility to ensure that you're working on the  

right stuff.
Instead of relying on your manager to tell you what they want, take a proactive role to
agree your priorities with your manager.
Some of the powers of aligning priorities include:
• It should go without say, that prioritization is an effective time management skill

because this increases your focus on what is important. I find that my one-on-one
meeting with my manager is a good reminder to check in with my own priorities,
• Showing your manager that you prioritize your work demonstrates professionalism
and builds their trust in you,
• Aligning priorities lets you achieve more with less, because you know exactly what
you have to do to meet your manager’s expectations,
• Aligning priorities means your manager isn’t wondering what you are working on
because they know in advance,
• Agreeing priorities in advance ensures that you have your manager’s buy in  
and support. 
“Efficiency is doing things right; 

effectiveness is doing the right things.”
star
Pro Tip
You know how frustrating it is when you can’t finish your own work because you’re
waiting for work from someone else? It’s the same for your manager. You don’t
have to work any harder, just work smarter by finding out what your manager
needs from you and do that first.
4.2 How to Record and Organize Your Weekly Priorities

You can’t be a one-on-one meeting pro if you don’t focus on your priorities. Achieve
pro-like focus by aligning your priorities with your manager in your one-on-one
meetings. Discussing the week ahead is such an important part of every one-on-one
meeting that I give it its own time slot on the one-on-one meeting agenda. Aligning
priorities is the key to working smarter, not harder because this is how you will know
what work to focus on.
laptop
Expert Tools
The way I record & organise priorities is that I have a specific section for my
priorities on the Fellow.app meeting agenda. When I prepare for my one-on-one
meeting with my manager, I list my priorities in order. During the meeting, it’s a
simple matter of rearranging (dragging-and-dropping) priorities based on  
our discussion.
“People think focus means saying yes to the things you

have got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It
means saying no to the hundred other ideas that are there.
You have to pick carefully.”
– Steve Jobs
Chapter 5
How to follow through like  
an expert and show your
manager that you’re  
highly dependable.
Have you seen those videos of ninja’s cutting through thick rolled bamboo mats? It’s an
impressive demonstration of what you can achieve with practice and technique. So, for
a second, think about what would happen if they tried without follow-through. That’s
right, it’s impossible to accomplish anything without following through. What pros
know is that follow through is the key to success.
“Talk does not cook rice.”
– Chinese Proverb
If you feel like meetings are a waste of time, with a lot of discussion but achieving little,
then this is a sign to work on follow through. Without follow through, your manager will
begin to question your professionalism and feel like one-on-one meetings are a waste
of their time.
On the other hand: Telling your manager what you’re going to do, doing it and then
demonstrating to your manager that it’s been done is a pro move.
Chapter 5: How to follow through like an expert and show your  

39
manager that you’re highly dependable.
5.1 8 Key Steps to Professional Meeting
Follow-Through:
In my experience, meeting follow through is one of the weakest parts of effective
meeting discipline. We all know what we “should” do, but it’s easy to fall out of practice.
Here are 8 steps to help you do it (and impress your manager in the process):
1 Specifically conclude each agenda item (or talking point) with an agreed
action item. This sounds like “So in conclusion, the agreed action is…”
2 Make sure each action includes a “Who, Does What, By When” because
without an owner or a date, it’s a wish, not an action.
3 Share action items (promptly after the meeting) so all parties know what
has been agreed and who needs to do what.
4 Add your action items to your work prioritization / to-do list.
5 Do your actions ! (Maybe the most important part).
6 When you prepare for your next one-on-one meeting with your manager,
review your actions for reporting back.
7 In the next meeting, report back on your actions because your manager
doesn’t know what you’ve done unless you tell them !
8 If your manager needs something urgently, don’t wait until your next
meeting, tell them right away.
One-on-one meetings without follow through are a waste of time. Taking a little extra
time to follow through is what produces results.

40
“Unfortunately, vulnerability-based trust cannot be achieved overnight. It
requires shared experiences over time, multiple instances of follow-through
and credibility, and an in-depth understanding of the unique attributes of
team members.”
– Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
5.2 Why Following Through on Your Action Items Shows
Accountability and Professionalism.
I can share with you that when you’re managing employees, following up is one of the
most tedious parts of the job because when employees don’t follow up:
• You’re left in doubt, wondering if your employee has done or will do what they are
meant to,
• When your work is dependent on what your employees do, there’s an inefficient
gap where things don’t progress,
• Chasing up employees takes an annoying amount of your time and energy,
• Chasing up work creates negative energy between you and the employee  
because the manager becomes responsible for compliance and the employee  
feels micro-managed.
On the other hand, few things make a manager happier than having an employee  
report back what they have done without having to follow up on that. When employees
do this, it builds confidence that your employee can be entrusted with more  
important responsibilities.

41
“We are judged by what we finish, not what we start.”
laptop
Expert Tools
One of the reasons that follow through is weak is because recording, sharing and
following up on action items takes extra time and discipline. The key to efficient
follow-up is to have a fast and effective method to do this.
The best way that I’ve found for this is to use an online collaborative space for my
meeting agendas, notes and action items. In my one-on-one meetings, I keep the
Fellow.app screen open on my laptop on the side. This allows action items to be
recorded live in the meeting, with named owners and due dates. Both the manager
and the employee can add notes and actions and they are immediately visible to
each other. This means you don’t have to email actions after the meeting. Plus, the
actions and notes form the prior meeting are visible when you do your next
meeting, meaning it’s easy to report back and keep each other accountable.
star
Pro Tip
You can create a separate section for action items in your one-on-one meeting
agenda, or record your action items directly below the relevant talking points.
Chapter 5: How to follow through like

manager that you’re highly dependable.an expert and show your   42
Chapter 6
Frequently asked questions

about one-on-one meetings:
What are the world’s top
leaders doing and why?
6.1 How Often to Meet & for How Long
Opinions vary wildly on this and unfortunately, this may be something your manager
chooses, not you. However, I can share with you what works best for most people,
based on extensive testing: Aim for 30 minutes every week. Here are some of the
reasons why:
• 30 minutes every week is better than 60 minutes every two weeks because this
keeps the meeting content fresh,
• Weekly one-on-ones help to maintain relevance and pace of delivery,
• More frequent, regular meetings are better at building relationships than

infrequent, irregular meetings,
• Missing an individual meeting is less of an impact because you only lose a week,
but miss a fortnightly meeting and suddenly it’s a whole month between meetings,
• Having a short time slot forces you to be time efficient and means less of a
negative impact on the rest of your calendar. Note: It is a challenge to get down to
30 minutes - this will come over time as you get better at it.
Chapter 6: Frequently asked questions about one-on-one meetings:

43
star
Pro Tip
Always put your high priority items at the top of the agenda to guarantee you
cover the most important talking points.
6.2 What s ' B AR

etter: egular Pres c heduled One-on- One
M eeting or A H cd N o as eeded?
Without a doubt: Schedule a regular, recurring meeting because:
• It’s lower overhead than trying to book every meeting on an ad-hoc basis.
• A regular one-on-one meeting timeslot builds a weekly cadence and means you
know when it is happening, without having to check your calendar.
• A pre-booked, repeating meeting means you’re less likely to fall out of maintaining
a one-on-one meeting practice.
• Regular communications allow you to proactively respond to issues before they
snow-ball and get out of hand.
• A regular, pre-scheduled meeting means you can save your non-urgent
communications for this timeslot.
And possibly most importantly: we know that the realities of life mean that our good
intentions, seldom materialise. If we intend on having a meeting, it’s easy for this
intention to get put off by more urgent, but less important priorities. The way to make
44
something happen is to set aside the time for it.
star
Pro Tip
Save time by grouping your non-urgent talking points and communications into
one efficient time slot.
6.3 What Day of the Week is Best to Meet?
Tuesday is my preference because: This gives you time to prepare for the meeting, but
is early enough in the week for it to still be relevant for the week ahead. Plus, if
something comes up that delays the meeting, there is still time to re-schedule the
meeting within the same work week.
Most companies run their leadership team meetings on Mondays, meaning your
manager is also likely going to have their hands full on a Monday.
6.4 Where Should You and Your Manager Meet?
Somewhere convenient and relatively private. Don’t bother going off-site, or booking a
special meeting room because this adds to the friction. Reducing friction, reduces
45
meeting overhead.
Meeting at your managers' office (for example) will give you sufficient privacy for 99%
of the conversations you will need to have. On the occasions that you need more
privacy (or if your company has an open office plan) - by all means, book a private room
or head to a private space.
6.5 Are One-on-One Meetings Work or Personal?
One-on-ones are a work meeting, so naturally, the primary focus is to cover work
related agenda items (such as obstacles, priorities, and feedback). But there is always a
personal side to business because we are humans. And these meetings are also about
getting to know your manager as a person and about getting them to know you as a
person. Building a better relationship with your manager will improve both your work
happiness and effectiveness.
And, of course, it’s difficult to totally split your work life and who you are as a person.
Your personal preferences will determine what work you are better at and how you
want to develop your career. Your personal circumstances will affect your productivity
and availability. If you have a personal issue that is going to impact your ability to work,
I suggest that you keep your manager informed. You don’t have to share private details,
just as much information as your manager needs to know.
Bear in mind that different managers will have different approaches. Some managers
are very task focused and they will prioritize discussing work-related agenda items.
Other managers are more relationship focused and they will have a tendency to be
social. Adapt your approach accordingly and you will find yourself in better alignment
with your manager.
46
. I T
6 6 s here a S tandard /U v ni ersal O ne-on- One
M eeting A genda?
No, but there should be! As discussed in chapter 3, I recommend that you cover the
following topics as a best practice agenda:
• Personal preamble: Understand who your manager is outside of work.
• Your agenda section: Updates, learnings, and achievements.
• Manager’s section: Cascading information, roadblocks, and feedback.
• The most overlooked part of the one-on-one: Priorities for the week ahead.
• Development & growth: Skills development, stretch assignments, and goals.
47
Chapter 7
19 questions that will impress

your manager and
turbocharge your career.
Your one-on-one meeting with your manager is your opportunity to get the
information, skills, and support you need to develop professionally. Here are 5 types of
questions you should be asking your manager during your one-on-ones:
• Checking in with expectations
• Growth, personal development & career progression
• Aligning priorities
• Asking your manager for resources
• Bonus: Being a team player
Chapter 7: 19 questions that will impress your manager and turbocharge your career. 48
star
Pro Tip
Clearly, asking every “question type” in a single meeting is impractical. Keep this
list handy and refer to it to choose the right questions for your situation.
7.1 Checking In with Expectations
The most important thing you need to find out is what your manager thinks of your
performance. If your performance does not meet your manager’s expectations, you
need to find out before your manager becomes frustrated and it ends up costing you
your bonus, work happiness or even, your job! Some questions you can ask to check-in
with your manager’s expectations include:
1 What am I doing well and why?
2 What do I need to change? Why and how?
3 What I should stop doing? And Why?
Is it your manager's duty to give you regular performance communication and
guidance? Of course! Is your manager giving you regular, frank performance guidance?
Probably not as much as they should!
What to do instead:
Take personal responsibility and check how you are doing against your
manager’s expectations.
7.2 Growth, Personal Development &  
Career Progression
No one wants to stay in a boring, stagnant job – and it’s your responsibility to ensure
you're growing, learning and have great prospects.
Some managers are experts at growing their employees, while others haven’t got the
slightest idea. Instead of leaving your future in your manager’s hands, you can ask these
questions to create a better future for yourself:
1 Given my skills, abilities & interests, what roles do you see as suitable for
my future?
2 Which skills should I improve to do better in my job?
3 What skills do I need to develop for career growth?
4 Are there responsibilities I can take over for career development or
network building?
5 I'd like to request that you give me the responsibility for X. Because: I think
I am suited to it and it will help me develop my career.
6 Can you please help my development in X with coaching or training?
7 In your opinion, what is holding me back?
8 What do you think my blind spots are?
9 In your opinion, what are strengths that I should focus on?
10 Who should I develop a better working relationship with? Can you facilitate
an introduction or co-working opportunity?
star
Pro Tip
If you want a particular job, start by asking for the individual responsibilities
involved with that position. In this way you get to learn how to do the job and
prove that you are the best person for it!
“Effective executives build on strengths—their own
strengths, the strengths of their superiors, colleagues, and
subordinates; and on the strengths in the situation, that is,
on what they can do. They do not build on weakness. They
do not start out with the things they cannot do.”
– Peter Drucker, The Effective Executive
7.3 Aligning Priorities
Your manager might have different priorities to what you think is important. What this
means is you might be wasting your time by doing things your manager doesn’t value.
And you will miss important work your manager expects. Unless you regularly ask  
these questions:
1 What are your top priorities?
2 Looking at my to-do list, what is the higher/lower priority? Should anything
be prioritized/delayed?
star
Pro Tip
Working harder, not smarter means working on what is most important and down
prioritizing the rest.
7.4 Asking Your Manager for Resources
A key part of your conversation with your manager is asking for the resources you need
to do your job well. This could be training, access, time, budget, team members etc.
Don’t expect your manager to know what you need or why. To get what you need, you
will have to ask your manager the following question, and explain the reasoning:
1 Can you please help to provide X because it will help me to deliver Y?
7.5 Bonus: Being a Team Player
In a healthy working environment, you and your manager are in a symbiotic partnership.
Your success depends to a large part on your manager’s success (and vice versa). Help
your manager (and your team) succeed and show that you want to make a contribution
by asking these questions:
1 What can I do to help you / the team?
2 Do you have any challenges I might be able to help with?
3 What are your goals and objectives and what is my role in delivering these?
Wrapping up: Don’t Blame Your Manager, Choose Personal Responsibility
Yes, there are many things your manager “should” tell you but the reality is your
manager is only human and they face their own challenges, like a lack of time. When
your manager doesn’t tell you what you need to know, you can choose to blame them,
but that’s a novice move because it doesn’t fix the problem. The pro move is to take
personal responsibility for finding out what you need to know from your manager.
“Bring agendas to your 1-1s when you have things you need
to talk about. When you want to work on projects, ask.
Advocate for yourself ... Seek out feedback, including
constructive feedback on areas to improve ... When you are
persistently unhappy, say something. When you are stuck,
ask for help. When you want a raise, ask for it. When you
want a promotion, find out what you need to do to get it ...
Asking is not usually a fun or comfortable experience.
However, it’s the fastest way forward.”
Keep these questions as a handy reference for when you are preparing for your
one-on-one meetings with your manager!
Chapter 8
Feeling nervous before your
one-on-ones? Avoid meeting
anxiety with these 6 tips.
Suffering from a little anxiety before or during a one-on-one meeting with your
manager is perfectly normal. After all (as we discussed in Chapter 1), this is your most
important work meeting. If you aren’t at least a little worried about what might happen,
then you probably aren’t paying the meeting the attention it deserves.
Now a little pressure is a good thing, if you can use that to positively motivate you to do
better. BUT, if you start to feel overwhelmed and the pressure makes you perform
worse in the meeting, or, even worse, makes you avoid one-on-ones, then your anxiety
could have a negative effect on your performance. If the above applies to you then this
section will show you how to manage your anxiety so you can have expert-level
one-on-one meetings with your manager.
8.1 Expect, Accept and Do it Anyway
Even the most seasoned competitor will experience some anxiety before an important
tournament. That’s why the first rule is to expect that you will be at the very least a
little nervous. Accept this because it’s perfectly normal.
Chapter 8: Feeling nervous before your one-on-ones? Avoid meeting anxiety with these 6 tips. 55
But also, be aware that it’s not as bad as it seems. When people are anxious, they get
stuck in negative thought patterns and focus on the worst that can happen. When you
confront your fears, you find out it wasn’t as bad as you thought.
Exercise:
Be aware of your thought patterns: Are you focusing on the negatives? Are you thinking
about the worst that can happen? Ask yourself:
• Are these thoughts a fair reflection of both the positive and the negative?
• Are these thoughts helpful? Or
• Is it time to try something else?
The single most important thing about managing your one-on-one meeting anxiety is to
not let it stop you from meeting with your manager. In the short-term you will be
avoiding some discomfort, but in the longer term, this is going to create even more
stress and anxiety.
Be aware that avoidant behaviours can manifest in strange ways such as arriving late
for the meeting, or, waiting for your manager to call you when they are ready. Your
manager has got a full calendar, if you don’t stake a claim on your time with your
manager, you will lose it.
star
Pro Tip
When you are anxious, reframe problems by trying to find as many positives as you
can about your one-on-one meeting with your manager. Managing anxiety is
sometimes as simple as distracting yourself from unhelpful thought patterns with
positive thoughts. Instead of avoiding the meeting, commit with a calendar invite
and be standing outside your manager’s office when the meeting is due to start.
Doing something hard will build your confidence. Avoiding a fear allows fear to rule
your life, confronting a fear shows you that it’s not as bad as it seems.
8.2 Learn & Practice Your One-on-One Meeting Skills
Confidence comes from competence. On the other hand, being unsure of what to do, is
only going to make your anxiety worse. That’s why one method to manage your anxiety
is to channel your energy into learning and practicing.
Have you seen the Karate Kid movie? There was a lot of wax on, wax off practice going
on. The Karate Kid thought it was all a waste of time, until he got to face his fears and
realised that he had learnt the skills he needed to succeed. Becoming a one-on-one
meeting pro means learning from an experienced teacher and practicing your skills.
The good news is that by reading this guide, you are already improving your
competence by increasing your theoretical knowledge. I can assure you that just
finishing this guide will mean that you will know a lot more than most employees.
But theory will only take you so far. Doing an expert-level one-on-one meeting is a
practical skill that will take a little time to master. The only way to develop this skill is
with regular practice. The good news is that you’ll progress along the way.
Exercise:
• Learn: Read The Art of Meeting with your Manager.
• Practice: Stick to regular one-on-one meetings to develop your skills.
• Grow: Channel your anxiety away from worry, into energy that you use to improve
your one-on-one meeting technique. Do this by watching your growth.
When people are anxious or lack confidence in their knowledge and ability, the
temptation is to resort to negative behaviours such as:
• Avoidance,
• Bluff and bluster to hide their weaknesses
These are novice moves because the best you can hope for is to not doing a bad job of
hiding your weaknesses from your manager.
star
Pro Tip
Instead of fighting against the river, do a 180 degree about turn and go with the
flow by asking your manager for help to work on your confidence and your
one-on-one meeting skills. In this way, you align your manager to help you. And
your manager will be more understanding when your anxiety gets in the way of
demonstrating your true capabilities.
8.3 Plan & Prepare for Your One-on-Ones
Having a plan and knowing what you’re going to do will boost your confidence. On the
other hand, walking unprepared into a one-on-one meeting with your manager is a
novice move that could generate anxiety.
star
Pro Tip
Use an agenda template to make sure you don’t leave important topics out.  
See Chapter 3 to make a plan you can rely on.
laptop
Expert Tools
Keep your cheat notes in front of you in the meeting so you can always refer back
to them. One way to do this is to use Fellow.app to prepare your talking points
ahead of time.
8.4 Get in the Right State of Mind
What I’m going to share with you is an exercise to get into the right headspace, so
anxiety doesn’t ruin your game.
Anxiety isn’t just a state of mind, being anxious triggers a physiological reaction in your
body known as the flight or fight response. What happens is; is that in times of stress is
your body releases stress hormones. These are bad for your health.
The bad news is that the stress response is a sympathetic nervous system reaction.
These are automatic body processes which are outside of your normal conscious
control. Luckily, the ancient yogis realised that your breath is the bridge between your
conscious and unconscious nervous systems because your breath is both automatic  
and controllable.
What this means is that you can use your breath to access your sympathetic nervous
system to trigger the physical rest and relax response of your body.
What you can do is use this breathing technique before your one-on-one meetings to
put yourself into a calm zen-like state of mind, so you have professional level clarity  
and focus:
Technique (Approximately 2 minutes):
Take long, deep, belly breaths, especially focusing on the quality of your exhales, to
trigger the rest and relax response. When breathing, move your focus from your worries
to your body sensations to reprogram your mind. In this way you learn how to control
your thoughts, so your thoughts don’t control you.
8.5 Call-in Some Outside Help
If you suffer from meeting anxiety, then you probably are susceptible to Generalised
Anxiety Disorder. Anxiety isn’t talked about often in the workplace because mental
health is a taboo subject. But when as many as 1 in 5 will experience some type of
mental health problem, it’s time to stop beating around the bush and address it.
Suffering from anxiety is no joke, it doesn’t just make life unpleasant, it can literally ruin
your capacity to perform to your true ability.
When you feel like you have more than you can manage on your own, it’s time to call in
some outside help. As good as a pro is, they don’t try to take on the whole world by
themselves. The good news is that there are many excellent resources available:
• Speak to a healthcare professional to get a proper diagnosis and professional care.
If you don’t know where to start, go to a GP,
• Many workplaces have employee assistance programs,
• Mental health foundations,
• Online resources are a good private/anonymous resource,
• A regular meditation practice is proven to reduce anxiety and
• Speaking to a friend or family member (Note: pick people who are understanding).
“Whether it’s your family, your best friend, a coach, or a
group of trusted colleagues, find your support group. Use
them as your cheerleaders and sounding board.”
star
Pro Tip
People who suffer from anxiety are often more critical of themselves than others
are. Have some compassion for yourself. Take some comfort from the fact that you
are more aware of your own mistakes and shortfalls than others are. Keep your eye
on your progress, not on the mistakes you make along the way.
8.6 Pick Yourself Up and Try Again
Finally, the last way to conquer your one-on-one meeting anxiety is to accept that the
one-on-one meeting process is going to take some time to get good at. It’s a practical
skill and this applies to both you and your manager. It will take some time to learn each
other’s idiosyncrasies.
This means a few bumpy meetings are a perfectly normal part of the process. And each
bumpy meeting is a good learning experience about how you and your manager  
work together.
star
Pro Tip
If you do have a challenging meeting, rather than beat yourself up about it, reframe
it to see what you can learn from it. For example: Did your manager not listen to
what you said?
Learning: Your communication skills need work to improve your powers of
persuasion. Consider asking your manager for tips on communicating your
thoughts and ideas.
Every pro was once a grasshopper novice that didn’t give up when the chips were
down. In the words of the famous Aaliyah song: “Pick yourself up and try again.”
Conquering Your Anxiety
Let’s face it, work is one of the major sources of anxiety because work is stressful. It’s
natural to experience some anxiety before a one-on-one meeting. And often it’s your
relationship with your manager that causes stress. Having regular, high quality
one-on-one meetings with your manager is going to improve your relationship with
your manager and help you conquer your anxiety.
"The only way to have true power  
in this life is to master yourself. "
– Lao Tzu
Chapter 9
7 Common mistakes to avoid
in one-on-one meetings with
your manager.
Your one-on-one meeting with your manager is your most important work meeting
because this is where you can show your manager your pro moves to take you to your
next career level-up. So, the last thing you want to do is to make basic novice mistakes.
Wrongly or rightly, your relationship with your manager determines your work
happiness and success. The purpose of one-on-one meetings is to keep you and your
manager aligned and to build a functional working relationship. If alignment and
communication breakdown, then it’s inevitable that your relationship will also break
down, regardless of how much effort you put into your job. Conversely, good alignment
means you will be working effectively, which means you’ll achieve better results with
less effort.
Here are 7 mistakes to avoid in your one-on-one meetings with your manager and what
to do instead:
9.1 Getting Defensive When Your Manager Gives You
Constructive Feedback
If your manager doesn’t like something you’ve done, it’s better to know about it before
Chapter 9: 7 Common mistakes to avoid in one-on-one meetings with your manager. 65

it comes out in a negative performance review or worse!
It’s never easy to hear that you’ve done something wrong. It’s tempting to avoid blame
and make excuses. However, being a great listener involves making the other person
feel heard. If your manager does not feel heard, then feedback is more likely to
degenerate into an unpleasant disagreement.
“If you’re not one of those people who instinctively
welcomes criticism as an opportunity to improve, you’ll of
course feel a strong urge to act defensively–or at the least
to explain yourself. This is a natural response, but it pretty
much kills any chance that you’ll get the person to offer the
gift of candor again. So don’t feel bad that you are having
this very normal human reaction. Manage your feelings
rather than letting them manage you.”
– Kim Scott, Radical Candor
Never take feedback personally because good feedback is not about you, it’s about
your actions and you can always change your actions. If your manager is upset or angry,
that’s their own emotional state. Remember that “anger is a gift that you don’t have  
to accept”.
Do this instead:
Don’t be a novice and get defensive or argumentative. Instead, show your
professionalism by listening and taking on your manager’s input. The best way to

resolve mistakes is to listen, acknowledge and then ask what your manager wants  
you to do about it. This will help both of you move on from an unpleasant problem, to
finding a common solution. And remember, it’s important to thank your manager for  
the feedback.
“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you get polished?”
– Rumi
9.2 Arriving Late or Unprepared and Forgetting the
Meeting Agenda
Obviously, arriving late or unprepared is a total novice move because it shows your
manager that you don’t respect their time which is going to damage your relationship. 
The less obvious downside is that if you’re late or unprepared, then you’re going to get
less time for the topics that you want to cover.
Do this instead:
1 Set time aside to arrive early, which will give you time to get your game
face on. Personally, I like to use this time to remind myself of my agenda so
I’m extra ready to smash through it.
2 Don’t just schedule your one-on-one meetings, also schedule time to
prepare for them. Better still, make this a part of your weekly rhythm.
Scheduling time is effective because this is how you take an activity from
your to do list, into a dedicated time slot. I like to combine my one-on-one
meeting preparation with my weekly work prioritization on  
Monday mornings.

3 Got a manager with a run-away calendar who consistently pushes your
one-on-one meetings back? On the day of your one-on-one meeting, check
in with them before your meeting to let them know that you’re ready  
and waiting.
9.3 Not Taking Ownership of the Meeting
It’s not about getting everything right in a single, perfect one-on-one meeting. You can’t
build a good relationship in one meeting. It’s the regular practice of dependable
communications that works.
And don’t rely on your manager to know what they are doing either because few
managers have had any training in how to have one-on-one meetings with employees.
Do this instead:
1 Trust in the process. Have regular one-on-one meetings with your manager.
Even if the road sometimes seems bumpy, it’s going in the right direction.
2 Don’t rely on your manager, take ownership for knowing what to prepare
and what to do in one on-one-meetings by improving your own
one-on-one technique.
9.4 Getting Stuck in the Past
Of course, reporting back on what you have achieved is an important part of the
one-on-one meeting. But the past is done, you can’t change it. Your one-on-one
meeting with your manager is an opportunity to change the future. Getting stuck in the

past is a waste of time.
Do this instead:
1 When receiving (or asking for) feedback, instead of getting stuck in
unpleasant conversations about what happened in the past, ask your
manager about what you could do to change in the future:
“The more concrete you are about what you want to know,
the better. If you lead with, ‘Hey, how do you think my
presentation went?’ you’ll probably hear responses like ‘I
think it went well,’ which aren’t particularly helpful. Instead,
probe at the specifics and make it easy for someone to tell
you something actionable. ‘I’m working on making sure my
point is clear in the first three minutes. How can I make it
clearer next time?’”
2 Always remember to align future priorities by sticking priorities onto  
the agenda,
3 Speak about your future, what you want to do in your career, and where
your manager sees you going.

9.5 Forgetting to Take Notes and Assign
Clear Action Items
This is a tip my own manager gave me. This isn’t just about making sure you don’t
forget stuff. Taking relevant notes during your one-on-ones is an important part of
building trust with your manager. It shows your manager that you are listening to what
they say and gives them confidence that you will follow through.
As a manager, I can share with you that it’s frustrating when your employee doesn't
record actions, because you know your employee has no chance of remembering
everything they should.
star
Pro Tip
You’d be surprised how much miscommunication happens. Simply confirming back
to your manager what your next steps are is going to save you a lot of time and
mistakes.
Ps. Using a meeting agenda tool like Fellow.app will help you record action items
and ensure that there aren’t any misunderstandings.

9.6 Not Telling Your Manager What They Need to Know
and Forgetting to Ask for What You Need
Is there something coming up that your manager needs to know about? Like:
• Are you planning a vacation?
• Is there personal stuff going on in your life that’s going to affect your ability  
to work?
• Will you need extra support or resources from your manager?
• Is the budget at risk? Or
• Have you made a mistake that your manager needs to know about?
There’s no need to overshare, it’s just being considerate of your manager and their need
to know what stuff that affects them. Conversely, it can open the door to getting the
help and support you need. And if you’ve made a mistake, it’s better that your manager
finds out from you and that you control the dialogue.

star
Pro Tip
Discuss problems and risks before they become an issue.
When you’ve made a mistake, it’s tempting to try to avoid consequences by
keeping silent. That’s a novice move. The pro move is to ask for your manager’s
help / advice on how to fix the issue. In this way demonstrate your honesty and
willingness to fix the problem while at the same time engaging your manager to be
a part of the solution instead of resorting to blame and punishment. This is a pro
move where you turn a negative into a positive!
“Take responsibility when you screw up. In work, in life, you’ll
be more respected and trusted by the people around you if
you own up to your mistakes. It’s impossible to avoid them,
but it is possible to acknowledge them, learn from them,
and set an example that it’s ok to get things wrong
sometimes.”
– Robert Iger, The Ride of a Lifetime
9.7 Not Bringing Up Your Wins and Achievements
The truth is that unless you have a micro manager ( ), then your manager doesn’t
know that much about what you’ve done during the week. Sometimes it’s tempting to

keep a low profile, especially if you’re not one to brag. But this could be one of the
reasons why you don’t get as much recognition for all that great work you do. And
worse, keeping quiet can leave your manager wondering what you have been up to.
The best way to keep your manager informed about your achievements is to let them
know in a factual manner. Giving your manager something positive to report to their
own manager is only going to be good for the both of you.
star
Pro Tip
Get your contributions recognised by telling your manager about your
achievements. This is part of the status update on your meeting agenda.
Bonus: The Worst Mistake of All
And the biggest mistake of all is: to not have one-on-one meetings with your manager.
If your manager doesn’t have regular one-on-one meetings with you it’s simply because:
• No one showed your manager the benefits of one-on-one meetings. And
• No one showed your manager how to have effective one-on-one meetings.
Instead you will have to take personal responsibility for building a good relationship and
maintaining an effective communication channel with your manager.

star
Pro Tip
If your manager has not scheduled regular one-on-one meetings with you, then
don’t blame them, instead, take personal responsibility and tell your manager that
you would like to take over the responsibility for scheduling one-on-one meetings.
Using Fellow.app will help both you and your manager to stick to good one-on-one
meeting practices, even if your manager hasn’t had one-on-one meeting skills
training.
And if your manager would like to learn more about the power of one-on-ones, tell
them to read The Art of the One-on-One Meeting (Part 1 of this series!).
Wrapping up
I must admit that I’ve made every single one of the above mistakes myself. None of my
managers showed me what to do in one-on-one meetings and I had to learn myself.  
My hope is that by sharing this with you, you don’t have to make the same mistakes
that I did.
And if you know of someone who is needs some help at work, please share this guide
with them.

Chapter 10
What to do when it all  
goes wrong (because
sometimes, it will).
The purpose of one-on-one meetings is to build a good working relationship with your
manager. Do the one-on-one meeting right and it’s going to improve your work  
happiness and success. But relationships are complex because people are complex and
highly variable.
On your journey to becoming a one-on-one meeting pro, you will experience some bumps.
The first rule of dealing with challenges is to accept that some meetings will not go as well
as others. Expect that there will be times when you and your manager are in conflict with
each other – but conflict in itself is not a bad thing.
Dealing with conflict in a healthy and productive manner is essential to your wellbeing and
success. Similarly, it’s important to remind yourself that mistakes are not failure, and it’s
how you deal with mistakes that determines your ultimate success.
Here are three things you can do when your one-on-one meetings with your manager
seem to be heading in the wrong direction:
Chapter 10: What to do when it all goes wrong (because sometimes, it will). 75
10.1 Don’t Overthink – Check in!
When we think something has gone wrong, often what’s happening is mostly inside our
head. This is why it’s better to check in with your manager than ruminate. And when
you check in, you’ll be addressing small issues before they snowball into major
problems.
This is as simple as saying, “I’m feeling that things aren’t running as smoothly as they
could be,” or “I feel that there was a misunderstanding... and I’d like to check in with you
to see how you are feeling and see what we can do to move forward.”
Checking in surfaces issues so they can be dealt with. After checking in, the response
you should expect is for people to put differences behind them and move on. That’s not
to say you will always achieve that, but you will be moving in the right direction by
starting the conversation.
10.2 Find Common Ground
We know people are different, so it should come as no surprise that you and your
manager have different beliefs, interpretations and ways of communicating. These
differences create misunderstandings.
Sometimes people can be so different that it seems like you are speaking a different
language! You say one thing that seems totally clear to you, but they have a totally
different interpretation. And if you are experiencing it, you can be sure that your
manager is also frustrated with communication differences.
The key to being listened to is speaking in a language that the other party understands.
This is part of communication skills and it’s a big topic on its own right. The shortcut
method is mirroring. If your manager talks fast, then try to make your voice heard and
avoid wasting time. If your manager tends to speak slowly, then slow your roll and take  
more care.
If you feel like you and your manager have different personalities, with frequent
concomitant misunderstandings, then I recommend that you find out more about
behaviour models, it’s a life skill that will help all of your communications and
relationships. You’ve probably heard about the more famous ones such as
Myers-Briggs. The DISC model is my preferred model because it’s easy to understand
and apply in practice. Find out more here.
10.3 Don’t Give Up, Trust the Process
When you experience challenging one-on-one meetings, this isn’t a sign to give them
up. If anything, it’s a sign that your relationship with your boss needs attention. Regular
high-quality one-on-one meetings is your best way to build a functioning relationship
with your manager.
You will experience some turbulence along your journey to becoming a one-on-one
meeting pro (and many other aspects of your job). Follow the guidelines elsewhere in
this guide and you can have the confidence that you will be learning and progressing.
“You’re here. You’ve made it through many goopy stages so
far, and there are plenty more ahead of you. As your team
evolves … and as the environment and the people around
you change, you’ll be growing and learning too.”
– Lara Hogan, Resilient Management
Chapter 11
Skills and tools for
career-boosting  
one-on-one meetings.
The one-on-one meeting with your manager is an incredibly complex social interaction.
Just a few of the things going on include: power dynamics, your confidence,
communication & relationships.
If one-on-one meetings were once a challenge for you, they shouldn’t be anymore.
After reading this guide, you’re now fully equipped to leverage the power of
one-on-ones to achieve career hyper-growth!
Now, here are some more advanced skills and tools that you can use to take your
meetings (and your career) to the next level:
11.1 Using the Right One-on-One Meeting Software
Technology can be a great ally when it comes to tracking and organizing your meeting
notes. Fellow.app is an online tool that you can use to make your one-on-one meeting
process much more efficient and effective. It includes features such as: Collaborative
Chapter 11: Skills and tools for career-boosting one-on-one meetings. 79

agenda setting, real-time recording of meeting notes, and actions items for easy
reference and follow up.
1:1 Relationships caret-left
1-on-1 with Jen

My Manager
Digital Marketing Strategist · Product Marketing
Keith Ask For Feed b ack

Discussions Feedback Priorities ellipsis-v
Suggested Topics for your 1-on-1 with Jen
My Team
Keith - Jen
Sam
Suggested topics for your 1-on-1 with Jen

Talking Points
Monica
What can I do to accelerate my career development? What can I do to accelerate
lightbulb my career development?

Jen
What is your vision for our team?
Add to your 1-on-1
Brian
Is there anything slowing you down or blocking you?
What do you think I could do to
lightbulb
accelerate my career development?
Omar
Priorities for this week How is our team perceived in the rest
lightbulb
of the company?
Sales presentation
Others
Private Notes
User case studies

Harry
Anything your write here will only be
visible to you.
Acquisition campaign
George Assigned to:
Keith
Action Items
Alexandra
square @Keith to follow up on professional development resources
square @Jen to reach out to marketing team
question-circle
square Jen to prepare medium and long-term goals for next meeting
caret-right
Caitlyn asked you and 9 others for feedback
How was the Team Building Event? star star star star star
11.2 Working remotely? Use these Video

Conferencing Tools
’
If you re part of a remote or distributed team, you might want to use a video
conferencing tool like Zoom, Skype, or Google Hangouts for your one-on-one meetings.
One of the main benefits of video is that it allows you to see the other person’s body
language and facial e xpressions.

Note the main requirements are:
• Good audio quality: Audio is more important than a video connection because you
will not get your point across if the other person cannot hear you. Get a decent
quality microphone / headset for good audio and privacy.
• Screen sharing: If you are not meeting in person, the ability to share screens  
is essential because a seeing something is so much better than listening to  
an explanation.
11.3 Improve Your Leadership Skills with These
Career-Changing Books
Do you manage employees, or hope to become a team leader?
Improve your management skills by reading Part 1 of this series: The Art of the
One-on-One Meeting.
We’d also recommend reading the following books (some of which we quoted
throughout this guide):
1 The Making of a Manager – Julie Zhuo
2 Resilient Management – Lara Hogan
3 The Manager’s Path – Camille Fournier
4 Radical Candor – Kim Scott
5 Managing Humans – Michael Lopp

6 The Effective Executive – Peter Drucker
7 The Five Disfunctions of a Team – Patrick Lencioni
Better One-on-One Meetings for All
We hope that you enjoyed reading The Art of Meeting With Your Manager.
If you found this guide helpful and know somebody who might benefit from it,  
we would really love it if you could help us spread the message about better  
one-on-one meetings.
Share this guide with your friends, family, and colleagues – and help them develop the
soft skills that will make them successful at work.
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more,
do more and become more, you are a leader."
– John Quincy Adams

About the author
After 20 years of senior finance experience at some of the world’s largest

multinationals, Keith Tatley realised that most people focus on the wrong things at
work – and that technical skills are important, but they don't get you anywhere  
without soft skills.
That’s why he founded ManagerFoundation.com – a site that helps managers learn

essential management skills to improve work happiness and success.
Keith is also a reformed Chartered Accountant, yoga teacher, and current CFO at the
medical device startup Rapid Response Revival.
He has multi-disciplinary experience including e-commerce, marketing, leadership,

writing, mindfulness, and online education.
Reach out to Keith for Advising companies and Training Partnerships at

linkedin.com/in/ktatley
About the author 83

About Fellow.app
Great meetings are just the start.

Fellow helps managers and their teams have the best 1‑on‑1s, team meetings, project
syncs and so much more. Try it free at fellow.app
9 AM 1-on-1 with Kim

Account Review 11:30
Leadership Sync
What’s top of mind?
11:30
10 AM check Vacation
check What are some upcoming

11 AM 1-on-1 with Kim projects?
10:30 am - 11:30 am
New benefits provider
12 PM Career Development
360 Review results
Kim
1 PM My goals for this yea
Status Meeting
1:00 pm - 2:00 pm
2 PM
About Fellow.app 84

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The art of

Foreword by Julie Zhuo , author of The Making of a Manager

Foreword by Julie Zhuo

judgement on it. As such, how I interacted with my manager could be summarized in

involved in something I was responsible for. It felt to me like the equivalent of a

treat your manager as a coach, and not as a judge.

coaching relationship works.

Foreword by Julie Zhuo, Author of The Making of a Manager 2

got so much more out of them.

candidate?” takes advantage of my manager’s know-how and teaches me

Foreword by Julie Zhuo, Author of The Making of a Manager 3

The Art of Meeting with your Manager

Foreword Julie Zhuo, author of The Making of a Manager.

Chapter 1 Why the one-on-one meeting with your manager

Chapter 2 5 Minute Check-up: Are you a one-on-one meeting novice,

Chapter 3 5 Items for your one-on-one meeting agenda + tips to prepare

Chapter 6 Frequently asked questions about one-on-one meetings:

Chapter 7 19 questions that will impress your manager and turbocharge

Chapter 9 7 Common mistakes to avoid in one-on-one meetings with

Chapter 10 What to do when it all goes wrong

Why the one-on-one meeting

1.1 The Little-Known Secret About

• Communicate your contributions, so you can get acknowledgement and

Chapter 1: Why the one-on-one meeting with your

• Build and maintain a healthy relationship with your manager.

promotions and increases.

“One-on-one meetings with your direct manager are an

essential feature of a good working relationship.”

– Camille Fournier, The Manager’s Path

good news is that you’re in the right place!

1.2 Becoming a One-on-One Meeting Pro

become a one-on-one meeting pro!

Chapter 1: Why the one-on-one meeting with your

the beginning of my career.

Myth The one-on-one meeting is your manager's meeting.

schedule the meeting and set the agenda.

prepared leave a bad impression of their performance.

Fact You own the one-on-one meeting.

Chapter 1: Why the one-on-one meeting with your

1.3 What is a One-on-One Meeting, Anyway?

manager can be a game-changer for your career. 11

on the progress of day to day work,

• Others see it as, an occasional meeting to discuss career progression,

gone off track. Or,

the right place to start!

Chapter 1: Why the one-on-one meeting with your

1 Establish and maintain an open channel of communication to keep

everything running smoothly,

2 Keep your manager informed of your work progress and achievements,

3 Align priorities to ensure you’re working on the most important tasks,

4 Ask in depth questions to find out what you need to know,

5 Get performance feedback in time to make a correction,

Remember: the single most important objective of your one-on-one meetings is to

strengths, different needs, different histories, and different things we’re

place of genuine curiosity and authenticity.”

– Lara Hogan, Resilient Management

Chapter 1: Why the one-on-one meeting with your

With Your Manager

workplace health, happiness and success. If you have a healthy relationship:

• You’re more likely to resolve conflict,

• You will like and respect each other more, and

• You’ll be able to be yourself at work without fear of judgement or reprisals. Being

yourself is part of self-actualisation which, in turn, is an important part of finding

involved in something I was responsible for. It felt to me like the equivalent of a  

candidate?” takes advantage of my manager’s know-how and teaches me  

Chapter 1 Why the one-on-one meeting with your manager  

Chapter 10 What to do when it all goes wrong  

1.1 The Little-Known Secret About  

On the other hand, when you have a dysfunctional relationship with  

the curriculum. Even if your manager has done hundreds of one-on-ones, there’s no

1 Do you have regular, pre-scheduled one-on-one meetings  

12 Are the actions from prior one-on-one meetings followed up as a  

style to be more effective with your manager. 

3 Your Manager’s Section: Cascading Information, Roadblocks,  