UNIVERSITY OF SAN CARLOS

School of Law and Governance

College of Law

Alternative Dispute Resolution

Midterm Requirement:

Summary on
“GETTING PAST NO:
NEGOTIATING IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS”

Submitted to:
DEAN JOAN S. LARGO

Submitted by:
ABELLA, BEA VANESSA S.
EH 306

March 2020
 OVERVIEW

We all negotiate every day. We may try to cooperate with the

other party for the negotiation process to go well but frequently we
find ourselves frustrated. We always want to get a Yes, but often the
answer we get back is a No. Under a stressful atmosphere, even nice
and reasonable people can turn into angry, intractable and
unreasonable opponents.

But what is negotiation? Ury defined “negotiation” as the process

of back-and-forth communication aimed at reaching agreement with
others when some of your interests are shared and some are opposed.
Negotiation is not limited to the activity of formally sitting across a
table discussing a contentious issue; it is the informal activity you
engage in whenever you try to get something you want from another
person. It is also increasingly the most important means of making
decisions in the public arena.

We may all be negotiators, yet many of us do not like to

negotiate. We see negotiation as a stressful confrontation. We have
different perception of and treatment with conflict. We may be “soft”
or “hard”. By “soft”, we mean that we want to preserve the relationship,
therefore we end up giving up our positions. On the other hand, what
we mean by “hard” is that since we always want to win our position,
we ten to strain the relationship.

However, Ury offered an alternative to such extremes and that

is the “joint problem-solving”. Instead of frowning and staring the other
party across the table, you sit next to each other and face your common
problem. In short, you turn face-to-face confrontation into side-by-side
problem-solving. This is the kind of negotiation that Fisher and Ury
ideally described. Such alternative revolves around interests instead of
positions. We begin by identifying each side’s interests- the concerns,
needs, fears and desires that underlie and motivate your opposing
positions. It is said that joint problem-solving can generate better
results for both sides. Moreover, it saves time and energy by cutting
out the posturing and eventually, it leads to better working
relationships and to mutual benefit in the future.

START CONTROLLING YOUR EMOTIONS

When you deal with others, you also have to deal with your own
negative feelings. If they refuse to negotiate with you, they are likely
nervous, upset, or have some other negative feeling about the possible
negotiation or even about you. You must then find out the reason
behind the “No” in order to overcome the “No”. If you understand each
other’s problem, you will be able to overcome them. It is important in
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this stage that you must leave your negative feelings aside. Think
about negotiating calmly and ask yourself: “What is the worst possible
scenario in which this negotiation can end?”. Having control of your
behavior is the first step in overcoming the other person’s “No”. Never
allow your emotions to control the situation. Allow yourself to calm
down and breathe. Compose yourself in a manner that would not
threaten or that would offend the other side.

DEMONSTRATE RESPECT FOR THE OTHER PARTY

It is inevitable and somehow expected that the other party will

be or may be suspicious, nervous, or frustrated. The key here is to
always make the other person at least listen to you. Show the other
party that you are happy listening to him or her, and when possible,
agree with him or her, as well. Sometimes the problem is that the other
person feels threatened or believes that you are not accepting their
authority. If you demonstrate patience, persistence towards them and
demonstrate a genuine desire to listen and engage with the other side,
then everyone is more likely to participate in the process of
negotiations.

EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HAVE THEIR OPINIONS

Most of the time, one party usually raises a point of view and
cling on to it with supporting arguments and other additional points;
while the other side uses the opposite case and defends its position.
With conflicting ideas and positions, this then forces both parties to
choose which between them has better position. You must get rid of
automatic reactions by considering more open and creative solutions.
Start by trying to see the other’s point of view. Try to agree with each
other whenever possible. Find common points. Confrontation does not
necessarily have to end with broken relationships. It is already
expected that there will be two (2) side of the story but the key here is
to make the two (2) sides meet.

COMMUNICATE PERSUASIVELY AND OPTIMISTICALLY

The manner and way you communicate is one of the

fundamental pillars of effective negotiation. One must practice, in
using proper and respectful languages, to avoid adverse reactions.
Individuals may feel defensive if you point out something they said
and try to use it against them. With just simple changes in
communication, it is easy to reformulate the language and have a more
polished and appropriate tone. Focus on talking about yourself and
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include a positive goal. Talk less of each other and more about
yourself.

GETTING PAST NO

Forget the present and the past; adopt a positive and optimistic
communication. Show to the other party that you understand what he
or she is trying to say so that he or she may convince his or her own
self that you are really listening. Try to rephrase what the other person
said and tell them how you feel about it. Thereafter, get the other
person to understand your point of view as well. One way of showing
respect to the other party is also through asking for advices from them.
Learning to rephrase your sentences to control the direction of your
negotiations is an essential skill to succeed.

MAKING THEM AGREE WITH YOU

When you are already in the process of negotiating and close to

reaching an agreement, it can happen that the other side is still
reluctant to close the deal. Accustom or familiarize the other party with
the word “yes”, which is a psychologically positive word. Another
important point: whenever possible, make proposals that seem to be
the idea of the other side. Ask for suggestions from them. Avoid
placing the person in a position where they are tempted to respond
negatively. Always note that your proposals should always be
favorable to both parties. Again, always put in mind that both ends
must be able to meet halfway. In that situation, it is possible to have a
“win-win” situation.

MAKE OFFERS THEY CAN’T REFUSE

You can also indicate to the other party that this process of “joint
problem-solving” is the best option for negotiating and reaching an
agreement. Be aware of the fine line between alerting people and
making a threat. An alert gives information about what is likely to
happen, while threat suggests an action that will be taken to hurt the
other side in some way. Threats put the other person in a defensive
mode, while warnings can help make opponents think about disastrous
consequences.

You should also be open to the idea of the consequences if there

is no agreement attained at the end of the process. Not making
decisions is the same as deciding to do nothing.

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AVOID “TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT” PROPOSALS

Keep in mind that you should avoid making a proposal that is a

final offer and that cannot be negotiated. Such kind of proposal is
leading and pressing. It will most likely result in rejection by the other
party. It is important the you thank the person for the offer and then
summarize everything the other party has provided and said.

If ever you may need to make the decisions immediately, ask to

make a quick call to someone and leave the room- that then can give
you a safe emotional distance to think and make a balanced decision.
There are then obvious dangers in making deals swiftly without
exploiting the consequences or alternatives. Your opponent may put
you under pressure, but that does not mean that he has control over
you. Remember that you still have the final say, with regards to your
position.

CONCLUSION

All in all, the idea of Ury can be summarized in 5 steps:

1. Go to the Balcony.
2. Step to Their Side.
3. Reframe.
4. Build Them a Golden Bridge.
5. Use Power to Educate.

The process of negotiation can take up a lot of your attention and

time; it may exhaust all of your patience and emotions. It is
emotionally, physically and mentally draining. But using these
strategies or steps, you may overcome people’s resistance and generate
lasting agreements. You may be able to overcome the “No” and
eventually create a solution through the process of “joint problem-
solving”.

Go to Balcony. First step is to think before responding. Instead

of reacting immediately, you must carefully consider the manner
manner on how you respond to the other party. If it may not be
possible to agree on the points, at least acknowledge that the person
has the right to have a different perspective.

Step to Their Side. You must put in mind that you need to create
a favorable climate. Do not build any tension between the two of you.
You need not intimidate the other party so as to escalate extreme
emotions. Let them feel and see that you are listening to them. While
you are clinging onto your position, try to acknowledge their points
and agree with them. The process of negotiation is not a one-way
process but a two-way. You must understand the other side’s position
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and let the other side understand your position as well.

Reframe. Take note as well of your chosen words and language

used. Such can influence the situation. Such can actually escalate the
matter into something that is worse or it can also lessen the
misunderstandings between parties. Try to make your ideas clearer to
understand by rephrasing your sentences so that the other party can
understand your position.

Build Them a Golden Bridge. Try to find out what the other side
thinks that you need to understand and why they think as such.

Use Power to Educate. Always strive to reach an agreement. Let

the other party know the possible consequences of not reaching an
agreement. Encourage the opponent to visualize what will happen if
they agree to the proposed idea and what will also happen if they do
not agree.

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