⚜ 🤞

Joe,

Iʼve taken the time to really sit with and analyze my behavior and why/how I sort of
lost touch with myself in this emotional process. I now see exactly what you
meant. You repeated it over and over since January but I was so caught up in this
cycle of anxiety and fear that I wasnʼt listening to you. Despite you telling me how
you felt numerous times (in a straightforward way that emphasized how deep your
feelings are for me), I fell into this paranoid trap thinking that you didnʼt really
mean how you felt or that your mind would change from one day to the next or
that youʼd forget about me completely. My anxiety shifted from focusing on my
health to being paranoid that I would just become an insignificant memory to you.
And, in turn, I selfishly expected you to be my Dr. Google. I looked to you for
reassurance without even thinking about how hard that made things for you. I was
hurting and forgot how much you were hurting too. Iʼm sorry for how I handled
things. But more importantly, Iʼm sorry for adding to your hurt. I was irrational and I
now fully understand everything you meant/texted me over the past couple of
months. The truth is: I want the same things that you had expressed to me in
those texts/phone calls, I was just too emotional and afraid to clearly see what you
were saying.

Our situation is complicated, and yes, like you, I donʼt think Iʼm overly-
romanticizing the idea of us ending up together in the long run. In fact, my gut
tells me that a life with you is highly likely and truthfully that gut feeling has been
there ever since I met you. I know that right now the logic of the situation is that
weʼre 1,000+ miles apart and long distance is only an option if I decide to move
back to Austin (or maybe we even agree to start some new adventures together in
Nola ). This is a decision Iʼm assessing now. Through all of this uncertainty,
thereʼs one thing thatʼs been absolutely clear to me and thatʼs my desire to build a
future with you. As important as my “dream” is to me, you are more important, and
I feel that more and more everyday. Iʼm working on figuring out how I can evolve
my career dream into one that allows us to be in the same city again - a city closer
to your parents whose lives I would like to be a part of someday - but Iʼm going
need some time. I want to be clear: this isnʼt a decision Iʼm making for you, this is
something I want to change for me so donʼt ever feel guilty about it. When I fell for
you, it wasnʼt because I was lonely or lost. It was because I realized that I wanted
to make you a permanent part of my life. I still want that and I plan on figuring out
how to shift my career goals to make that happen. Reading scripts all day for a
studio has sparked an interest in writing my own stories instead of producing… so
who knows, maybe iʼll become a writer that can work from anywhere soon. Or
maybe Quibi will lead me to landing a job as a creative at Facebook in Austin. Life
is an adventure and anything can happen. Either way, whatever my dream evolves
into, a huge part of it involves you by my side.

Logically, what do we do now? Well, I reread our past texts and remember our
convos before I let my anxiety get the best of me. I want to rebuild our life together
but I understand that thatʼs something that might take time. Regardless of how
things unfold right now, I hope we end up as partners again. I still have my
calendar marked for the Place DʼArmes on Friday 1/24/2025 @ 6PM, though I hope
God has a better, quicker plan for us. If thatʼs too painful for you to imagine, you
donʼt have to think about it right now. In the meantime, youʼre right about this: we
can manage being in each otherʼs lives as friends until our circumstances change
or until weʼre ready to figure out a path forward together. Iʼm proud to have had
you so deeply invested in my life and Iʼd like to have that part of our dynamic
again. Can we get back to our original plan and stay invested in each otherʼs lives
as friends until we can sort our geographic situation out? I absolutely think thatʼs
possible with you. Youʼll always be apart of my life. And I canʼt wait for a time
when we can talk regularly again.

Love always,
David