panic embarrassed exposed no that's not how I'm right

now mostly those are the feelings I had as a 14 year old

boy on the very first day of high school my English
teacher mr. Meredith had each of us stand up and
introduce ourselves when class was over he called me
over and said hey Matt you're really good at this talking
thing I need you on Saturday to show up at the speech
contest doing as I was told I prepared a 10-minute
presentation on karate it was something I was passionate
about and it was pretty easy to do now that cold
September Saturday morning when I showed up I was
shocked the room was much larger than I had expected
there were many more people there my friends my
friends parents who were serving as judges and the girl I
had a

crush on at that moment I felt tremendous anxiety in the

first 10 seconds of my 10-minute presentation my life
changed forever you see I started my presentation with a
karate kick I was told to do this because it would engage
the audience and get their attention but because of my

anxiety I forgot to put on my special karate pants you

know the ones with a little extra room down there you get
where this is going I ripped my pants from belt loop to
zipper in that moment
I learned the impact of anxiety on communication and
from that moment I have dedicated my life to helping
others learn to address this fear each of us has stories to
share input to give and ideas to spread if we allow
anxiety to get in the way of that we miss out society
misses out and we lose valuable diverse voices now I am
NOT alone in my anxiety in communication

if you have ever given spontaneous feedback given a

presentation spoken up in a meeting or even asked
somebody on a date you know what this anxiety feels like
research shares with

us that 85% of people feel anxious in high-stakes

speaking situations and quite frankly I think the other
15% are lying I think we can create a situation in which
they would feel nervous too so we must act to manage
our anxiety so we can accomplish our communication
goals now I use that word managed very carefully I don't
think we can ever truly overcome our anxiety nor would
we

want to anxiety is actually helpful it gives us energy it

helps us focus it tells us what we're

doing is important but we must manage it so it doesn't

manage us and it's not

just to help us feel more confident it

helps our audience as well how do you

feel when you see a nervous speaker

communicate some of you might like to

watch people suffer but most of us don't

most of us fepanic embarrassed exposed no that's not

how I'm

right now mostly those are the feelings

I had as a 14 year old boy on the very

first day of high school my English

teacher mr. Meredith had each of us

stand up and introduce ourselves when

class was over he called me over and

said hey Matt you're really good at this

talking thing I need you on Saturday to

show up at the speech contest doing as I

was told

I prepared a 10-minute presentation on

karate it was something I was passionate

about and it was pretty easy to do now

that cold September Saturday morning

when I showed up I was shocked the room

was much larger than I had expected

there were many more people there my

friends my friends parents who were

serving as judges and the girl I had a

crush on at that moment I felt

tremendous anxiety in the first 10

seconds of my 10-minute presentation my

life changed forever

you see I started my presentation with a

karate kick I was told to do this

because it would engage the audience and

get their attention but because of my

anxiety I forgot to put on my special

karate pants you know the ones with a

little extra room down there you get

where this is going I ripped my pants

from belt loop to zipper in that moment

I learned the impact of anxiety on

communication and from that moment I

have dedicated my life to helping others

learn to address this fear each of us

has stories to share

input to give and ideas to spread if we

allow anxiety to get in the way of that

we miss out society misses out and we

lose valuable diverse voices now I am

NOT alone in my anxiety in communication

if you have ever given spontaneous

feedback given a presentation

spoken up in a meeting or even asked

somebody on a date you know what this

anxiety feels like research shares with

us that 85% of people feel anxious in

high-stakes speaking situations and

quite frankly I think the other 15% are

lying I think we can create a situation

in which they would feel nervous too

so we must act to manage our anxiety so

we can accomplish our communication

goals now I use that word managed very

carefully I don't think we can ever

truly overcome our anxiety nor would we

want to anxiety is actually helpful it

gives us energy

it helps us focus it tells us what we're

doing is important but we must manage it

so it doesn't manage us and it's not

just to help us feel more confident it

helps our audience as well how do you

feel when you see a nervous speaker

communicate some of you might like to

watch people suffer but most of us don't

most of us feel very uncomfortable in

awkward in fact I call this second hand

anxiety the communicators anxiety makes

us feel nervous as an audience and

therefore we're distracted and we can't

pay attention to the message so we need

to manage our anxiety not just to help

ourselves as communicators but to help

our audience get our message before I

introduce you to some techniques that

can help us manage our anxiety I think

we need to spend a few moments

understanding where this anxiety comes

from I believe it's hardwired in us it's

based on evolution we are wired to be

very concerned about our relative status

to others now I'm not saying who drives

the fanciest car or who has the most

likes to a post they've just put up I'm

talking about the status that existed

when our species was first evolving and

we were hanging out in groups of about a

hundred and fifty people your relative

status there meant everything

Ament access to resources food shelter

reproduction it was absolutely critical

that you had status within that group it

was a matter of life or death

so this constant surveillance and

understanding of our status is something

that we carry forward to this day yet we

can manage it but we have to take a

two-pronged approach we have to first

address the symptoms as well as the

sources the symptoms have to do with

what goes on in our body physiologically

and what goes on in our mind

psychologically and sources are things

that actually make our anxiety worse so

let's get started for some of us when we

start communicating in high-stakes

situations we feel our heart pound maybe

we get a little shaky maybe we perspire

or blush we can manage these symptoms

take a deep breath before you start the

kind of breath you would do if you're

doing yoga or Tai Chi or Qi Gong that'll

calm you down if you shake gesture

broadly big broad gestures they can

really help that adrenalin go somewhere

most nervous people make themselves

small and tight and they hold it in and

shake if you perspire a blush hold

something cold in the palm of your hand

it'll cool you down much like putting a

cold compress on your forehead or the

back of your neck if you have a fever

holding something cold reduces your core

body temperature reduces the

perspiration reduces the blushing you've

all experienced this in Reverse on a

cold day have you ever held hot coffee

or tea and felt how it warmed you up

we're just doing the opposite there are

things you can do to manage the

physiological symptoms you have around

anxiety now what about the cognitive

symptoms the thing that makes people

really nervous

cognitively is their own anxiety it

works something like this you're sitting

in a meeting and your turn is about to

come up and as you're sitting there you

start getting a little shaky you might

have some

beads of perspiration on your brow and

you start thinking to yourself oh my

goodness this is really important I

should have prepared more I can't

believe I'm in this situation why am I

doing this I'm not my colleague this

sucks

that's your anxiety making you more

nervous there is a way that you can

short-circuit this instead of running

away from your anxiety greet it say to

yourself this is me feeling nervous it

makes sense that I'm nervous I'm about

to do something of consequence and

importance and by giving yourself

permission to feel anxious you actually

give yourself a sense of agency you can

take a breath walk around the building

this will help you feel composed rather

than as if your anxiety is spiraling out

of control we can do things that manage

our physiological and psychological

symptoms but we also have to address the

things that make our anxiety worse the

sources the number one fear I hear from

people is I'm afraid I'm going to forget

I'm gonna blank out a great way to

manage this is to have a map you can't

get lost if you have a map a map is

nothing more in communication than a

plan a structure a design there are many

structures that can help you with your

communication my favorite is the what so

what now what structure you start by

talking about what it is you're

communicating could be your idea your

plan your product a process you then

explain why it's important to your

audience how do they value from what

you're saying and then finally you

explain what is next what comes

afterwards by having a structure like

what so what now what you are less

likely to forget and by the way it helps

the people you're speaking to remember

what you're saying as well now another

big accelerant to anxiety has to do with

the valuation in judgment we feel the

audience is doing on us

a great way to manage this is to

redirect their attention have them focus

on something else so if you're giving a

presentation show a video clip take a

poll if you're in interpersonal

communication ask a question pass around

a hand out these distract people from

paying attention to you

it gives you an opportunity to calm down

and the cool thing is it gets them more

involved and engaged it's a true win-win

the last source I'd like to talk about

has to do with how we see our

communication raise your hand if you

have done one of these four things

before in your life has anybody done any

singing dancing acting or played a sport

everybody in each of those activities

there's a right way and a wrong way to

do it you're performing if you're an

actor and you miss speak your line at

the wrong time in the wrong place you've

made a mistake not just for you but the

audience and the other actors if you're

an athlete and you don't do what your

sport requires at the right time in the

right way you've done it wrong in fact

some sports keep track of the errors you

make we carry this mentality of right or

wrong into our communication I am here

to tell you as somebody who has been

doing this for a long long time there is

no right way to communicate there are

better ways in worse ways certainly but

no one right way so we need to replace

the way we see communication as a

performance as something else and I'd

like to suggest we need to reframe it as

a conversation how do you do that first

and foremost put your attention on your

audience you're in service of their

needs with this audience centric

approach it makes it more conversational

second use conversational language words

like us you and we that involves people

and finally ask questions questions by

their very nature are conversations

there to weigh in so doing you make the

interaction less stressful for you and

more engaging for your audience

so taken together there are things that

we can do to manage our anxiety by

addressing both symptoms and sources now

this isn't necessarily easy it takes

time it takes persistence we're fighting

against ingrained anxiety and years of

learned behaviors and habits but with a

little self kindness in patience we can

learn to manage our anxiety I see it

happen all the time let me share a story

with you

I met Erma who is a 72 year old

grandmother a couple years ago Burma

like me had a very traumatic experience

in high school she contributed some

comment in class and her English teacher

looked at her and said that is the

absolute worst communication I have ever

heard

from that moment on Burma actively

avoided communicating with others so

much so that she chose the profession as

a research librarian specifically so she

wouldn't have to talk to many people but

one day her granddaughter who she loved

very much asked her to give a toast at

her wedding

Burma wanted to fulfill this request and

that's where our paths crossed I'll

never forget the look on Irma's face

when she told me of her goal it was a

combination of sheer terror and complete

determination now I am thrilled to share

with you that Burma after three months

of hard work and a little encouragement

gave an amazing toast the joy on her

face is something that I will never

forget like Burma we all can learn to

manage our anxiety regardless of if

you're presenting at a wedding or in a

meeting if you're pitching or protesting

you can learn to feel more confident

when you communicate and we all benefit

from the stories you're going to share

the input you're going to give and the

ideas that you're going to spread I so

look forward to your speaking up without

freaking out

thank you

[Applause]

[Music]el very uncomfortable in

awkward in fact I call this second hand

anxiety the communicators anxiety makes

us feel nervous as an audience and

therefore we're distracted and we can't

pay attention to the message so we need

to manage our anxiety not just to help

ourselves as communicators but to help

our audience get our message before I

introduce you to some techniques that

can help us manage our anxiety I think

we need to spend a few moments

understanding where this anxiety comes

from I believe it's hardwired in us it's

based on evolution we are wired to be

very concerned about our relative status

to others now I'm not saying who drives

the fanciest car or who has the most

likes to a post they've just put up I'm

talking about the status that existed

when our species was first evolving and

we were hanging out in groups of about a

hundred and fifty people your relative

status there meant everything

Ament access to resources food shelter

reproduction it was absolutely critical

that you had status within that group it

was a matter of life or death

so this constant surveillance and

understanding of our status is something

that we carry forward to this day yet we

can manage it but we have to take a

two-pronged approach we have to first

address the symptoms as well as the

sources the symptoms have to do with

what goes on in our body physiologically

and what goes on in our mind

psychologically and sources are things

that actually make our anxiety worse so

let's get started for some of us when we

start communicating in high-stakes

situations we feel our heart pound maybe

we get a little shaky maybe we perspire

or blush we can manage these symptoms

take a deep breath before you start the

kind of breath you would do if you're

doing yoga or Tai Chi or Qi Gong that'll

calm you down if you shake gesture

broadly big broad gestures they can

really help that adrenalin go somewhere

most nervous people make themselves

small and tight and they hold it in and

shake if you perspire a blush hold

something cold in the palm of your hand

it'll cool you down much like putting a

cold compress on your forehead or the

back of your neck if you have a fever

holding something cold reduces your core

body temperature reduces the

perspiration reduces the blushing you've

all experienced this in Reverse on a

cold day have you ever held hot coffee

or tea and felt how it warmed you up

we're just doing the opposite there are

things you can do to manage the

physiological symptoms you have around

anxiety now what about the cognitive

symptoms the thing that makes people

really nervous

cognitively is their own anxiety it

works something like this you're sitting

in a meeting and your turn is about to

come up and as you're sitting there you

start getting a little shaky you might

have some

beads of perspiration on your brow and

you start thinking to yourself oh my

goodness this is really important I

should have prepared more I can't

believe I'm in this situation why am I

doing this I'm not my colleague this

sucks

that's your anxiety making you more

nervous there is a way that you can

short-circuit this instead of running

away from your anxiety greet it say to

yourself this is me feeling nervous it

makes sense that I'm nervous I'm about

to do something of consequence and

importance and by giving yourself

permission to feel anxious you actually

give yourself a sense of agency you can

take a breath walk around the building

this will help you feel composed rather

than as if your anxiety is spiraling out

of control we can do things that manage

our physiological and psychological

symptoms but we also have to address the

things that make our anxiety worse the

sources the number one fear I hear from

people is I'm afraid I'm going to forget

I'm gonna blank out a great way to

manage this is to have a map you can't

get lost if you have a map a map is

nothing more in communication than a

plan a structure a design there are many

structures that can help you with your

communication my favorite is the what so

what now what structure you start by

talking about what it is you're

communicating could be your idea your

plan your product a process you then

explain why it's important to your

audience how do they value from what

you're saying and then finally you

explain what is next what comes

afterwards by having a structure like

what so what now what you are less

likely to forget and by the way it helps

the people you're speaking to remember

what you're saying as well now another

big accelerant to anxiety has to do with

the valuation in judgment we feel the

audience is doing on us

a great way to manage this is to

redirect their attention have them focus

on something else so if you're giving a

presentation show a video clip take a

poll if you're in interpersonal

communication ask a question pass around

a hand out these distract people from

paying attention to you

it gives you an opportunity to calm down

and the cool thing is it gets them more

involved and engaged it's a true win-win

the last source I'd like to talk about

has to do with how we see our

communication raise your hand if you

have done one of these four things

before in your life has anybody done any

singing dancing acting or played a sport

everybody in each of those activities

there's a right way and a wrong way to

do it you're performing if you're an

actor and you miss speak your line at

the wrong time in the wrong place you've

made a mistake not just for you but the

audience and the other actors if you're

an athlete and you don't do what your

sport requires at the right time in the

right way you've done it wrong in fact

some sports keep track of the errors you

make we carry this mentality of right or

wrong into our communication I am here

to tell you as somebody who has been

doing this for a long long time there is

no right way to communicate there are

better ways in worse ways certainly but

no one right way so we need to replace

the way we see communication as a

performance as something else and I'd

like to suggest we need to reframe it as

a conversation how do you do that first

and foremost put your attention on your

audience you're in service of their

needs with this audience centric

approach it makes it more conversational

second use conversational language words

like us you and we that involves people

and finally ask questions questions by

their very nature are conversations

there to weigh in so doing you make the

interaction less stressful for you and

more engaging for your audience

so taken together there are things that

we can do to manage our anxiety by

addressing both symptoms and sources now

this isn't necessarily easy it takes

time it takes persistence we're fighting

against ingrained anxiety and years of

learned behaviors and habits but with a

little self kindness in patience we can

learn to manage our anxiety I see it

happen all the time let me share a story

with you

I met Erma who is a 72 year old

grandmother a couple years ago Burma

like me had a very traumatic experience

in high school she contributed some

comment in class and her English teacher

looked at her and said that is the

absolute worst communication I have ever

heard

from that moment on Burma actively

avoided communicating with others so

much so that she chose the profession as

a research librarian specifically so she

wouldn't have to talk to many people but

one day her granddaughter who she loved

very much asked her to give a toast at

her wedding

Burma wanted to fulfill this request and

that's where our paths crossed I'll

never forget the look on Irma's face

when she told me of her goal it was a

combination of sheer terror and complete

determination now I am thrilled to share

with you that Burma after three months

of hard work and a little encouragement

gave an amazing toast the joy on her

face is something that I will never

forget like Burma we all can learn to

manage our anxiety regardless of if

you're presenting at a wedding or in a

meeting if you're pitching or protesting

you can learn to feel more confident

when you communicate and we all benefit

from the stories you're going to share

the input you're going to give and the

ideas that you're going to spread I so

look forward to your speaking up without

freaking out

thank you

[Applause]

[Music]

English (auto-generated)