Writing Effective Business

Emails
Participants Workbook

A Product by MSLW
 Business Communication

“The Art of Communication

is the Language of
Leadership”
James Humes

MSLW 2
 Business Communication

Dear Participant

Welcome to the program on Business Writing- email. Somerset Maugham

rightly said

“We do not write because we want to; we write because we have

to”.

You have selected a course that will help you sharpen and refine your
writing skills. In today’s business world the ability to communicate well can
determine the difference between the success or failure of a project, a
business transaction, an organization, or an individual.

The ability to communicate well in writing is critical. Those who have that
ability have an advantage, an edge.

In this program, we will focus on the four imperatives of Writing , using the
“LESS” Technique for Effective Business Writing.

1. Structure
2. Style
3. Language
4. Etiquette

“Beneath the rule of men entirely great, The Pen is mightier than the sword”
Edward Bulwer Lytton  - 1803 – 1873

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EXERCISE 1.1

STRUCTURING THE SUBJECT LINE

Subject Line

The subject line formula:

Subject line= Signal word + do (for your action) / know (for your
information) statement

Signal words signal the intent of the email. Examples of a few signal words:
 Request for
 Clarification on
 Confirmation on
 Update on
 Status of
 Recommendation for
 Approval on/for
 Invitation to
 Presentation on
 Review of
 Response to

Do/ Know statements signify what the reader of the mail should do or
know.

“The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people

can think” – Edwin
Schlossberg

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Re-write the following ineffective Subject Lines.

Use a signal word and summarize what your readers should do and
know.

Sample 1

Subject: Regarding Copy Machine

I recommend we request a new copier in the annual budget. For the past 6
months, we have had to repair our copy machine on an average of twice
weekly. Needless to say, repair costs and productivity losses have been
substantial.

Rewritten subject line:

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

Sample 2

Subject: Form C82

I have enclosed a draft of Form C82.

Request you to review and edit the draft by Monday, July 8, so that we can
get your perspective on its design and layout and proceed with the next
phase to meet the schedule.

Rewritten subject line:

____________________________________________________________________________

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____________________________________________________________________________

EXERCISE 1.2

STRUCTURING THE TEXT OF THE E MAIL:

Write Customer centered emails

“Good writing takes more than just time, it wants your best
moments and the best of you” – Anonymous

Principles for Writing Customer centered emails

 Use the Pyramid structure. Remember, you have 10 seconds to clarify
your purpose. ( SAD- Situation, Action Items, Details)
 Write to your readers’ needs and requirement- Write in a language that
your reader can understand. Avoid technical jargon when not required.
 Present solutions, benefits, value to your customers. (What’s in it for
me? - WIIFM)
 Use Informative headings- they help Skim and Scan.

Based on the guidelines we’ve discussed:

Study the sample presented below
Confirm if the email is customer centered and well structured.
Rewrite the email based on the four principles presented above.

Based on the guidelines we’ve discussed, study Sample 1 and 2

presented in the subsequent section, and identify the email that is
customer centered and well structured.

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Business e mail: Sample 1

To: Keith Robinson; John House

CC: Jack Warden
Subject: Webware

Keith,
This letter is a follow-up to a conversation we had sometime ago about
switching your networks to WebWare. As you may be aware, WW has been
selling network products since 1995 through our direct dealers. Our WW
product is a second generation product tested in direct dealership for the last
two ears.

WebWare is actually a family of products which allow computers to be

connected to most kinds of phone lines, even to dedicated phone lines
already being used for phones. It offers many of the features on cartage
products, including built-in support of multiple modern types and network
management with secure multi-user and remote control.

I think we have a great product and we could go on and on, but I really
wanted to remind you that WW has just opened a direct channel office in your
area. Pls consider visiting our office and talking with some of our
representatives about our full-featured network product. Enclosed please find
a customer survey I would like you to fill out. I hope all is going on well with
you. If you have any questions, please revert back.

Thnks and Regards

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 Business Communication

Business e mail: Sample 2

To: Keith Robinson
CC: Ajay_Kulkarni
Subject: Invitation to Discuss Improved Tuff Max Network Links

Hi Keith
In our discussion last Monday in your office, we determined three challenges
we can help you meet. Please consider a visit from our new local
representative to explore these challenges further:

 TuffMaxs’ need to link networks in different location

 Field employees’ need to access network information by modem
 TuffMaxs’ need to ensure data security while offering remote access

Linking TuffMax Networks

You mentioned your desire for all networks to operate as one big network.
The advantage is rapid exchange of information in the office and in the field.
The WebWare family of products permits this kind of bridging.

Accessing TuffMaxs’ Networks from the Field

Your team of engineers and sales representatives need to enter, retrieve and
manipulate data remotely. With WebWare, all they will require is a modem
and a piece of access software.

Ensuring Security

With remote access you will always have to worry about security. With
WebWare, you can design several levels of security, restricting access to
databases.
Request your consent for a meeting with our local representative- Ajay
Kulkarni.

Thank you.
Regards
Rahul
040-27847333 ext 6445
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Exercise 1.3

“Untold years are lost when we do not communicate well”- Hyrun Smith

Write an email on the situations given below.

Sharing feedback and making a request

Write an email to the team sharing the feedback you received from the client
on untimely reporting of the daily status. Request your team to report the
status on time.

Requesting Extension of deadline:

Re write the email given below:
How’re you? I would like to express my sincere thanks to your team to bring
this project upto final phase.
As we are in the Q&A and UAI phase of this project, which needs more focus
and fine tuning of this application, I would request you to extend the deadline
of application roll-out by two more days.

Providing Explanation
Your customer writes to you expressing his dissatisfaction about not receiving
an upload. You are stunned on receiving the email as you had uploaded the
weekly status file on time. You presume the delay to have been caused due
to a technical snag. How would you respond .

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EXERCISE 1.4

EXERCISE ON STYLE

1) Accent the positive

Replace the negative tone with the positive.
1.We could not incorporate the dimensional clarifications as they did not
reach us on time.

2. Dear Mr. Anil,

My network-Id is OU011, I do not have access to the GRIP folders on LAN and
also my mail-id is not in distribution list for GRIP. I request you to do the
needful.
Rgds
Kumar

2) Be Specific
1. Would appreciate if you could send me the design document asap.
2. We are forwarding the report for your perusal. Request your feedback at
the earliest.

3) Use parallel structure, particularly within lists.

Parallel structure: Phrases that repeat the same grammatical structure.
Implement the parallel structure in the following excerpts.
1. The following will be considered as part of the JDE Application support
services to be provided by Satyam:
 Provide JDE help desk (Level 1) support, Level 2 and Level 3.
 The candidate is expected to adhere to the process standards (i.e.
CMM, 6 Sigma, ITIL & Cobit) employed by CLIENT1
 Refreshing of daily downloads & transferring of files to various servers
 Maintenance & monitoring of system activity.
 Investigation of problems that arise within JDE system and resolution
of the same.
 Monitoring sales information System (written in RPG III) daily updates
and integrity plus updating of budget figures to this system when
required.

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2. The Interface Team will be responsible for integrating the functional units
developed by the QA Team and for the execution of the model test matrix.

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4) Use the Active Voice

Put more action into your sentences by using active voice rather than passive
voice verbs. Change the passive to active voice in the sentences below
1. From my end the document was released for review to the functional team
on 20th morning.
2. Based on your and Mahesh’s understanding regarding the change request,
the design document may be suitably modified.

5) Avoid Redundancy: Identify redundant expressions in the

sentences below
1. In the near future, we will take the consensus of opinion of the team before
we actually submit our course of action.
2. The meeting has been postponed until later.
3. Enclosed please find the details of the resources working on the project.
4. Please revert back for further details.
5. Could you please let me know the status of the work as of now?
6. As I understand we have to submit the analysis by today eod
7. Humbly request you to please check and revert for further issues.

6) Replace Trite (outdated) Expressions with expressions of

contemporary usage
1. Attached hereto/Attached herewith/ /Enclosed herein/I hereby
2. We have done as per the instructions.
3. Kindly be advised that the meeting scheduled for 5th June is postponed to
10th June.
4. I solicit your comments on this.
5. Thank you for your kind consideration/ in anticipation/ in advance

7) Avoid Sexism in communication

1. By the 15th of each month each associate is expected to report the
progress of his current project.
2. Please meet the salesmen of the company.
3. Could you please keep us posted on manpower requirements of your unit?
4. The project is estimated to involve 1000 man hours.

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EXERCISE 1.5

LANGUAGE EXERCISE
“ Words, once they are printed have a life of their own” – Carol Burnett

Test your sensitivity to small differences in meaning by choosing the

right word in the following sentences:
1. I discussed the matter with the (concerned person/person concerned)
from CoRCC and informed him that we need their help in (coping
up/coping) with the existing resource problem.
2. We closed the discussion on an (amiable/amicable) note.
3. We are working on the (updation /update) of the database.
4. We (improvised/modified) the document, based on your feedback. Hope it
is fine.
5. (According to me/ I feel) the project can be completed by the end of this
month only.
6. I (look forward/ am looking forward) to your response.
7. I (would be/will be) completing module 1 by tomorrow evening.
8. I (request/request for) your support in understanding the problem.
9. Request clarification on the ( below mentioned questions/questions
mentioned below)
10.I will ( intimate to you/ send you an intimation) when the problem is
resolved.
11.I have gone through the document and (feel/think/would like to confirm
that)this process will be of immense help.

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 Business Communication

Read the emails, and rewrite them considering language

sensitivities.

Hello Dave
This is to update your status. Unless you fill your people finder details you will
not be imported to the portal .So i request you to get in touch with the GIO
team and ask them to reset the password. So that you can try with new
password to update the details. If any issues please revert.

Hello Michael
This is regarding the above ticket. Can you please provide me some
information ,which helps in investigating the problem. Are you able to view
the i.unilever.com home page? Also i want to find out what user name you
are using while login to the portal.Can you please update me the requird
information

Avoid wordiness: How High is Your Fog Index?

“Vigorous writing is concise” – William Strunk
Rewrite the following sentences in brief.
1. During the course of the meeting it was decided that, for all intents
and purposes, it is imperative that important files should have a
backup in the server.

2. Let us hold a meeting for the purpose of discussing the status of the
project.

Fog Index

The Fog Index is a proven method of analyzing written material to see how
easy it is to read and understand. The steps you can use to calculate the Fog
Index are outlined below. The numbers in the right column are based on this
paragraph. When using these steps to analyze your writing, choose a sample
that contains at least one hundred words. The "ideal" Fog Index level is 7
or 8. A level above 12 indicates the writing sample is too hard for most
people to read.

An example worked out for you:

1 Count the number of words in the 88

sample
2 Count the number of sentences 6
3 Count the number of big words (3 6
or more syllables)
4 Calculate the average sentence 88/6 = 14
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length.
Divide the number of sentences
into the number of words
5 Calculate the percentage of big 6/88 = 7%
words.
Divide the number of words into
the number of big words
6 Add the avg sentence length to 7+14= 21
the % of big words
7 Multiply the result by .4 21 x .4 = 8.4
8 Fog Index 8.4
1. Find the average number of words you use per sentence. Take a fair
sample of 5 to 8 sentences. Count clearly independent clauses as
separate sentences. Example: "By and by I ran; I jumped; I hid." This
counts as three sentences.
2. Calculate the percentage of words that are three syllables or more.
Don't count proper names. Don't count verbs that make three syllables
or adding -es or -ed.
3. Add these two figures. Example: if your average number of words per
sentence was was 15, and the percentage of words three syllables or
more was 12%, you would add 15 and 12 to get 27.
4. Multiply that sum by 0.4. The resulting number is your Fog Index, a
rough measure of how many years of schooling it would take to
understand what you have written. In our example, multiplying 27 by
0.4 equals a Fog Index of 10.8. The Bible, Shakespeare, Mark Twain all
have Fog Indexes of about 6. Time, Newsweek, and the Wall St. Journal
average about 11. If you find your Index soaring - beware --- you've
lost most of your audience in the dense fog.

Sourced from Hawkhill Associates, Inc. 125 E. Gilman St., Madison, WI 53703

Calculate the fog index for the email below

The kickoff meet on ‘Steering Fixed Bid Project Profitability’ started on a

great note on 16th June at the Insurance BU, in Hyderabad. The initiative
is being led by, Srinivas Reddy, who will be the PM for project FB1000.

It was attended by 45-50 PM’s/PL’s and has been received very well. The
snowballing and certifying process has begun. (Pl find the latest
snowballing chart for the Insurance BU on VDS).

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EXERCISE 1.6

ETIQUETTE
“Untold years are lost when we do not communicate well”- Hyrun Smith

Answer the following questions with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ as applicable to you?

1) Do I respond to emails promptly?

2) Do I write an out of office reply when I am not available at my desk?
3) Do I write subject lines?
4) Do I use salutations and subscriptions?
5) Do I use greetings?
6) Do I write long signatures?
7) Do I prefer fancy colors?
8) Do I think before I place people in the ‘to’ and the ‘cc’ list?
9) Do I use quotations?
10) Do I spell check and grammar check my emails?
11) Do I frequently use the “urgent” message notation in my subject
line?
12) Do I write the text in capitals to reinforce my message? If so is it
right to do that?
In Conclusion, let’s write down 6 Cs for Clarity in Writing:
 C
 C
 C
 C
 C
 C

Supplementary material for practice:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/
http://english.byu.edu/writingcenter/writingtips.html

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 Business Communication

E learning course on ‘Writing for Business’

http://slconline.satyam.com/eslc/homepage.asp

ASSIGNMENT

Request you to write an email on the situation given below and email them to
Selina_repoody@mahindrasatyam.com I shall review it for you.

Situation:
Write an email to your customer, sharing some concerns which you have
been facing in the project. Request his/her ideas on that.

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ACTION PLAN

I will use the following points from this workshop to

present my emails in an appropriate and acceptable
manner.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Other useful ideas to use are:

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Notes:
Expressions not Expressions recommended
recommended

Resource Matrix
Books 101 ways to improve your communication skills instantly - Jo Condrill,
Bennie Bough
Mastering Business Communication - Woolcott, L A, Unwin, W R
Crystal Clear Communication: Skills for understanding and being
understood - Kris Cole
Developing Communication Skills - Krishna Mohan Meera Banerji
Giving and Receiving Feedback - Patti Hathaway
Great Communication Secrets of Great Leaders - John Baldoni

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Links
http://satyamworld.satyam.com/circles/slc/aoc/index.asp

Sites http://www.selfgrowth.com/comm.html
www.essayfinder.com
www.articles911.com

Virtual Time Management

Instructors
Humour at work
Negotiation skills
Managing Executive Stress

Videos Basics of Business Communication

Murder with mixed messages
Business of Listening
Effective listening
Giving and Receiving feedback
Managing meetings

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Action Plan

I will use the following points from the program on Business

Email Writing to help me interact effectively with my
stakeholders.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Other useful ideas to use are:

Thank you
Mahindra Satyam Learning World

MSLW 21