<Khassaki> HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!

<Judge-Mental> try pressing the the Caps Lock key

<Khassaki> O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
<Judge-Mental> fuck me

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" wi
th "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter
tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everythi
ng
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to
.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't
a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in her
e herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of
willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inche
s. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised
the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a s
tream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing
spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped th
e lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will not
ice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been
in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostr
ils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was cover
ed in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slo
wed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. S
hot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the
middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but some
thing else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again...
but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to..
. or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of hi
s wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery subst
ance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, H
arry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right ma
intaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the w
ay from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit

<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike

<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard

<Anonymous> Now, I m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarket
s. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all o
ver their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those l
ittle cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
<Anonymous> Okay, here s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery st
opping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning,
the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit s teeth as he was gr
inning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started sc
reaming SHIT! SHIT!. Now, my good friend, Tom we ll call him, was there too, and he
instantly picked up on it. He started shouting FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN T GET IT! FUCK!.
By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom ap
pears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
<Anonymous> Here s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, Mam, get you
r son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I m I m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.
<Anonymous> And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat k
nows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn t defending his ass. She just
stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed ca
shier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail
on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing
like the cunt she is.
<Anonymous> I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that
sob.

<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar

<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking
a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up...
so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and
shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into
a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The
guy at the counter was mortified.

<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over man
y a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite
bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back m
y free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.

<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough. :(

<Axe> I
<Axe> do
<Axe> not
<Axe> know
<Axe> where
<Axe> family
<Axe> doctors
<Axe> acquired
<Axe> illegibly
<Axe> perplexing
<Axe> handwriting;
<Axe> nevertheless,
<Axe> extraordinary
<Axe> pharmaceutical
<Axe> intellectuality,
<Axe> counterbalancing
<Axe> indecipherability,
<Axe> transcendentalizes
<Axe> intercommunications'
<Axe> incomprehensibleness.

<acidwar> last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to
get some beer
<acidwar> we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy
writing a ticket
<acidwar> tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy ex
plains that the car is parked in a no standing zone
<acidwar> tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the gu
y writes a ticket for abusing him
<Nuzzler> haha
<acidwar> so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the gu
y writes another ticket
<acidwar> 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off
<dendyh0> ...
<acidwar> and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car arou
nd the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines :D
<dendyh0> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Nuzzler> ROFL!!

<Twig> I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair
that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl f
ucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a
key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots
of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
 I know a girl who broke up with a guy and she told him she wanted to "still
be friends." He said, "No thanks." She wondered why he couldn't fall back to bei
ng just friends after they had a romantic relationship. I came up with the "McDo
nalds Analogy" to try and explain it in a simple way that would help all women u
nderstand this tough question.
Imagine if you went to McDonalds a lot and ordered a Big Mac Combo meal. A B
ig Mac, Large Fries and a Coke. You really like this meal. One day, you pull up
to the drivethrough and order the Big Mac Combo meal and the girl tells you, "I'
m sorry - you can have the Big Mac and the Coke, but you can't get fries with th
at anymore." You think about this for a moment, and sure - the Big Mac is the ce
nterpiece of the meal, but McDonalds has some really good fries and you like the
ir fries with your meal. So you say, "I've been able to get fries with that befo
re, why can't I have fries with my Big Mac combo anymore?" The girls says, "Well
, I just think it is better if you only have the Big Mac and the Coke from here
on out."
At this point, a lot of guys are going to go to Wendy's or BK and see if the
y can get fries with their combo at that drivethrough window. But there are some
guys who REALLY like McDonalds Big Macs and they might think, "If I keep coming
here and ordering the Big Mac and Coke, maybe she'll change her mind and give m
e some fries with that later." So they will keep on getting the combo without th
e fries until the deal breaker happens: One day that guy is going to order the B
ig Mac and Coke and then he's going to pull up a little bit to pay, and someone
else is going to pull up to the drivethrough speaker and order the "Big Mac Comb
o" and he is going to hear the girl say, "Would you like fries with that?"
That's why guys don't like to be friends with a girl who breaks up with them
.

"It'd be like if you had a dog, and it died, but your mom said you can still kee
p it."

r1chard!