Trevor Schultz

FHS 2400

Unit 5 Essay #2

What forces are pushing you towards marriage? Are there any forces pushing
you towards singlehood? Can a single person (adult) live a satisfying life? Do
you think that singles can be as happy as married individuals?

Some forces that are positively pushing me towards marriage would be media, my community,
and my peers. On the other hand, the negative experiences I encounter with media, my
community, and my peers actively push me towards singlehood. Even though we see that
nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce, there is still a push towards marriage and the lifestyle
that comes with cohabitation. We see posts on social media that market the up’s (and hardly
ever the down’s) of married life and the idea of being married. You are given images of
exceptionally happy individuals who are undefeatable to the woes of life.
You’re given the idea that you have ‘made it’ in life if you’ve achieved marriage and have found
a partner that you can spend the rest of your life with. You cannot log into Facebook or
Instagram anymore without seeing at least one post from a friend or an advertisement that
either promotes or reminisces on wedding days, whether in the past or in the future, or that
promote the ‘positives’ of marriage. This encourages me and many peers my age to buy into
the industry and get married because, by engaging in the practice, you are allowing yourself to
‘take part in this once-in-a-lifetime' event where you draw such wisdom of and for your
relationship by purchasing a wedding. Marriage is something that has always been around so of
course it’s deeply engrained within media.
My community is another force that is pushing me towards marriage or is trying to tell me that
marriage is what I want. I live in a unique time in history if you view it through the lens of
LGBT/Queer history. Since the queer pioneers who came before us were beaten, bruised, and
even killed for their sexual orientation, the idea of marriage and equal protections under the
law were planets away. I almost feel pressured to take advantage of a right that nearly every
other queer person in history never had the privilege of even remotely experiencing (almost as
if we are in debt to earlier generations). In a couple of ways, we do. It’s what our brothers and
sisters fought for. I absolutely recognize that opportunity, and want to engage in that
opportunity, but almost feel like it’s become something that’s expected of its members in a
community that has been stereotypically associated with, and demonized for, promiscuous
sexual activity.
 I believe that since my community had to lobby and ‘prove’ their validity for centuries, the
meaning of love and marriage take on a whole new meaning and the institution is valued on a
higher level of quality. “Comparative research has indicated that gay men, lesbians, and
heterosexuals report similar levels of attraction for their partners, though same-sex couples
have been found to report higher levels of relationship quality and satisfaction; greater
affection, joy, and humor; and less whining, belligerence, and negative feelings (Balsam et al.
2008; Gottman et al. 2003).” (Strong & Cohen, 2017, p. 350) Maybe this is the reason why we
generally see higher satisfaction averages in same-sex couples.
My peers are the other pillar in my life that directly influence my thoughts and opinions
surrounding marriage. Since I was born and raised in Utah, I grew up with a lot of people who
were also born and raised in Utah who maybe had a strong religious background growing up.
Over the past 5 years that I have been graduated from high school, I have seen nearly every
single one of my friends tie the knot. For example, this June, my friend is celebrating her 5 th
wedding anniversary! I cannot believe that someone my age has been married for 5 years (and
have dated for much longer)! I feel like media and peers go hand-in-hand more often than not,
because it’s normally my peers’ posts that I’m seeing on social media that are influencing me to
feel like I need marriage and that I’m missing out on a ‘once-in-a-lifetime' experience.
I believe that an adult can live a happy life as a single individual, I have done it for 23 years
(never had any sort or romantic relationship). However, I do find myself lonely occasionally,
with a profound urge to share what I enjoy in life with someone else. I believe the human
condition is hard-wired for companionship, so learning to be happy as a single individual is an
acquired and difficult skill. Part of this life is discovering what your passions are and that nearly
requires you to be alone with yourself in certain aspects. I think that singles can be as happy as
married couples just as married couples can be just as unhappy as singles. If you like the
freedom of personal choice and sexual promiscuity, then I think being single would benefit you
the most. If you like cooperation, teamwork, and sexual exclusivity, then I think being married
would benefit you the most. Just depends on where your priorities are and how they would
align in different relationships.

References
Strong, B., & Cohen, T. F. (2017). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in
a changing society. Australia: Cengage Learning.