Reflection 6 Alicia Srinivasagam

CMCL 507

When doing the assigned readings over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about the spiritual
dimension of learning and my high school learning experience kept coming to mind. Although I
have reflected on and grown from these experiences, the readings deepened my reflection and
caused me to focus on the development of my heart and soul. For me, heart and soul has always
been deeply connected to music. Although I am a science student and spend most of my time
learning about animal biology, I love the arts. My mother is an incredible artist, so I grew up
painting and drawing but quickly switched my main focus to music.
Being part of the band program in high school was one of the richest learning experiences
I have ever had; I’ve come to realize just how much it has shaped my inner self, thanks to my
band teacher. Kathie Van Lare (we all called her KVL instead of Ms. Van Lare) is an incredible
musician and an even better teacher. Musical performance is not easy, any piece of music
requires 100% accuracy and raw emotion to sound the way its composer intended it. In a musical
ensemble, each player gives all they have to collectively carry out an artists’ vision; like going to
an art museum where you have to recreate the paintings for others. It was never easy. I was used
to junior high band, where you could hide in a big group of people all playing the same tune. At
my high school there was a mass concert band as well as an auditioned wind ensemble. In wind
ensemble there was only one person assigned to each part, there was no hiding behind anybody
else. Each and every person had their own unique and equally important role, and everyone was
heard. I truly believe that this created the perfect environment for the soul to emerge. We were
all challenged, recognized and heard, and even in the concert band KVL was a master of
recognizing each individuals’ talent. She would nurture each student’s gift whether it was
musical or not, giving constructive feedback and endless encouragement.
I played the flute and auditioned for the wind ensemble each year, one person for each
part (1st flute, 2nd flute, 3rd flute) meant that only 3 members of the 50-person section would make
it through. In grade 12 I remember coming down from my math class to check the audition
results and seeing my name under 1st flute. I was horrified. I loved the collaborative aspect of
band, not the solos. I never wanted to be the focus, or “the best”, so I begged KVL to switch me
to the 2nd part. She refused. She took me into her office and told me that she knew I was scared,
but she also knew that I could do it, because she believed that I had the talent for it. She would
not back down, she simply reassured me that she would always be there to support me. Having
been her student for 2 years before this, I knew she wasn’t lying. That was my best year of
performances, and KVL was with me every step of the way, just as promised. Her teaching and
support went far beyond music. She knew when something was wrong in our personal lives and
she would ask about it. She would pull me aside simply to tell me how proud she was, and how
well I was doing. I didn’t even know how much I needed it at the time, but it was so beneficial to
my personal development. In this environment, every student was slowly transformed in a way
that way so much deeper than scales and musical exercise. The high and lows created such a
sense of community and left me with a group of supportive and wonderful people who are still
my best friends till this day.
The bond that KVL fosters with all her students continues even after they leave high
school. My friends and I spent the first two years of undergrad playing in a community band
which she directed. Even when I could no longer attend I continued my pursuit of music, because
if I don’t I am simply not myself. Music and art are the vehicles for my spiritual growth and
without them that depth is missing. KVL still meets us for drinks every now and then, just to
check up on us. We do the same for her, we all attended her retirement party and took her out to
celebrate when she was recognized with an international award in music education. Even
recently, she wrote a reference letter for my vet school application and met me in a parking lot
during this quarantine to slide it through my cracked car window. I believe this connection can
only be developed through heart and soul; she is more than just a teacher to me.
KVL is such an incredible instructor because she reaches the soul of each student. When I
read Teaching with Heart and Soul, James’ Baldwin’s account of Mr. Porter reminded me so
strongly of KVL. Baldwin talks about the encouragement and guidance he received from Mr.
Porter, which helped him to recognize his own gifts even when he was struggling (Palmer,
2003). I had this same experience with KVL when she consistently recognized and nurtured my
talent (especially when I was reluctant to do it myself). In order to educate students in matters of
the heart and soul, teachers need to be masters of their inner selves (Palmer, 2003). KVL knew
her gift and her role. She had spent time playing in orchestras, she knew music was her passion
but eventually felt the call to give that gift to others as an educator. This story reflects the
seasonal metaphor discussed in Teaching with Heart and Soul (Palmer, 2003). In her own
development through the seasons of her learning, she found purpose in helping others develop
through the power of music. Even though she is “retired” she still teaches jazz band- teaching is
her calling. I read the newspaper article that was published when she was inducted into the
Bandworld Legion of Honour: when asked about her success she stated, “I’m humbled- I just do
my thing”. Her spirit and soul make it that simple for her. Engaged Pedagogy talks about
breaking the boundaries that keep teachers restricted to teaching the mind (Hooks, 1994); KVL
went beyond teaching skills and recognized each student as a full person with heart and soul.
promoted I never realized it in high school, but after learning more about the pedagogy of the
soul it seems clear that KVL’s ability to facilitate spiritual learning is what makes her such an
amazing teacher.
Each time we created music, every person expressed their own soul, and their own
emotion which stemmed from their own experience. Although we were all playing the same
song, each one of us experienced it differently. At the same time, we were all working together,
supporting each other’s growth and offering support. This created a safe space for spiritual
learning. For us band students, our music was the “third thing” that helped us reflect on ourselves
both individually and collectively in the band (Palmer, 2003). It’s interesting because the ideal
learning environment for the soul is described exactly like this by Parker J. Palmer: each person
is heard, the instructor investigates and nurtures each student, and personal truths are evoked
through the worlds of art and music (Palmer, 2003). As humans we all reach for deeper meaning
and long to be connected to something bigger than ourselves (Hooks, 1994); we all experienced
this spiritual development and healing through our musical education. Learning musical
technique gave me adaptive expertise by developing my sense of responsibility and work ethic, I
still use these lessons in my daily life. Looking back at my experience now, I see so much more.
All the practice and technical knowledge developed my skills, but the environment and
community helped to connect the pedagogy of my mind, heart, and soul. This union is essential
to personal growth and has shaped me into the person that I am today.
I have experienced the seasons of learning in my own life. I know what my calling is, my
dream of being a vet started at a very early age. My passion for this pursuit has waxed and waned
over time because of the competitiveness of the program and my own anxieties about my worth;
but is has never died, only been dormant. Working as a veterinary assistant in a clinical
environment I know deep down that is where I belong, I love helping the people as well as the
animals. I share my story and my struggles with pursuing this goal openly hoping to help others
with similar interests. As a peer mentor in a zoology course I have met many students who also
want to be vets; I share these things even more openly with them to encourage them in the
pursuit of their dreams and goals. Although my time as a peer mentor is over, I continue to
provide that encouragement to others as an executive in the pre-vet club, as the vice president I
often speak to students and advise them in the pursuit of veterinary medicine by offering
volunteer opportunities, interview practice, and advice for academic success. Every time I do, I
think of KVL. I want the club to be a community for students with similar goals and interests to
grow together rather than compete with each other; I believe this desire stems from the spiritual
growth I experienced through my high school music program.
 References

Hooks, B. (1994). Engaged Pedagogy. Teaching to Transgress, Education as the Practice of

Freedom. New York, NY: Routledge.

Palmer, P.J. (2003). Teaching with Heart and Soul: Reflections in Spirituality in Teacher
Education. Journal of Teacher Education 54 (5), 376-385.
https://doi.org/10.1177/0022487103257359